This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2005-05-19 13:37:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Golden Moment

An Evening Grosbeak fed this morning from my frozen feeder highlighted by first rays of the golden hour… We locked eyes both mesmerized until reality’s warmth chased us both to our day- A Morning Dove called this evening her partner came two sunset silhouettes in short pink minutes of the golden hour.

Copyright © May 2005 Mark D. Kilburn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-06-04 08:07:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
What a lovely read, such colourful images here. Great use of alliteration with your usage of the "f" sound within your first stanza. Your second stanza was the one that really hit me..what a wonderful thought and message here "We locked eyes both mesmerized until reality’s warmth chased us both to our day-" and so true isn't it? the birds on flight and you to resume your day. The vision this caused before my eyes was breathtaking "two sunset silhouettes in short pink minutes of the golden hour." just lovely and so original.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-01 02:44:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You have more than appropriately title thihs poem Mark. It is a Golden Moment that we are shown as the lines of this poem unfold. Nature is just natural beauty,and your poem shows that if we just sit back and quietly observe sometimes, we can catch a glimpse of something beautiful, something golden in this chaotic world. Your word choice makes the poem a relaxed and comfortable read. It's not too simple and not too complex. It's just right for the reader's tongue. You have a great sense of observation, and that makes for a great poem whenever it's illustration that you seek. Great job. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-25 10:11:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark: It’s wonderful of you to share this poem with us. You know how much I love ‘bird poems’ and even have one somewhere entitled, “Evening Grosbeak.” But this one, far from reading as if from the birder’s guidebook (like the one I wrote) is immediate, real. It is much more about being present in life, absorbing the fullness of it. I love the title you have chosen, as it asks the reader to pause and enter in to timelessness. Simply lovely. An Evening Grosbeak fed this morning from my frozen feeder highlighted by first rays of the golden hour… Your cadence is soft and reverent. So appreciative of those delights offered by nature to the soul in readiness to receive. I love the sort of oxymoron, if you will of an Evening Grosbeak feeding in the morning. How evening and morning are tied together in a cyclical way. And your fricatives in “fed/frozen/feeder” enhance the softness of your approach. As we stand there with you, appreciating the delicacy of the moment. We locked eyes both mesmerized until reality’s warmth chased us both to our day- Eye to eye contact with a bird is one life’s most magical experiences, and you show us this fully – give us the sense of this angelic-seeming contact. At times, it is sad, you also show here, when the contact is broken and ‘reality’ steps in. But it is the very brief quality of these moments that makes them what they are. A Morning Dove called this evening her partner came two sunset silhouettes in short pink minutes of the golden hour. <Smiling> And you complete the cycle, of the Evening Grosbeak feeding in the morning, with the Morning Dove, calling in the evening! I am so delighted to read this. The short lines, the pacing, but most of all the sense of feeling such tenderness for these birds is so intense that it melts my heart. My favorite line: “short pink minutes.” How fleeting life can be, and the actions of the dove and his partner show us the holiness of being present, fully present, for those fleeting moments. Congratulations on a ‘golden’ poem from your golden pen, once more. Bravo! Appreciatively, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-24 07:48:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark, I love the pleasant feeling this poem radiates. This reminds me of Dawn to Dusk and the blending of the two. I would like to read a little more in the heart of this piece especially since you captured this reader by the mesmerized lock of eyes. Just a thought. Well done. Thanks, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-05-20 13:48:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Hi Mark, I love this terse poem about some of nature's wonders. When my husband was alive he put up several bird feeders and birds came that I didn't even know we had in this country. I know they must comunicate with each other because every day there would be a different type of bird pecking away at the seed. In the fist stanza I especially like...highlighted by first rays of the golden hour...beautiful description of sunrise....I think the 2nd stanza may be my favority even tho it is hard to choose.....we locked eyes both be able to connect with one of God's creatures is an exceptional experience, this has happened to me and I always felt blessed that just for a moment we could see each other but also wondered what the animal thought when peering at me. The last stanza is lovely and perfectly limned to capture the readers senses.....two sunset silhouettes in short pink minutes of the golden hour...amazing! Maybe this is my favorite line...I have to admit I wish I had written it! Well done..I enjoyed it several times!! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-20 00:10:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Beautiful Mark, simply beautiful......I have bird feeders in the yard, on the back deck, etc. and from the kitchen window I see the birds as they come to feed..........I look forward to the red cardinal and his lady though he is the sharper of the two.......the nasty Bluejays.........think they own the All American, black, white, looks like he wears a tuxedo and is stunning.......over and over they come eagerly looking for their daytime meals......mama used to love to sit on the back deck and watch them and listen to the songs they sang while waiting their turns..... Good structure, great flow of words which have brought forth wonderful images created with the flare of your pen......those Morning Doves are ever so gentle a bird and I love the way they are always together, as if the other knows he can count on the other.........they should be called love birds.......but again, there are already love birds in this world.......thanks for posting this one Mark......enjoyed the read, the view, the pictures created and the feelings associated with it all. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-19 16:05:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Mark, The golden hour indeed, sunrise/sunset. The evening Grosbeak, in the morning, and the morning dove in the evening. I liked the locking of eyes. It is great for both to acknowledge the awareness of the other. I've talked loud and a spider jumped surprised. [I can't imagine where there ears are] And if you talk to animals as equals, they may respond.[book called: Kinship with all life by Boone] A medicine man I knew,talked to a bothersome fly and he went immediately away. Anyway, back to your poem.....I think 'reality's warmth chased us into our today is wonderful! It shows you felt the bird had value in his day as yours did also.......[showing equalness] I think in last stanza you could add: A Morning Dove called this evening [with] her partner[.] [T]two sunset silhouettes [were] in short pink minutes of the golden hour. It's missing a complete sentence/idea. Loved it.... A GREAT job Indeed! Dellena
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