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This Poem was Submitted By: Mike j Hoffman On Date: 2006-05-07 13:52:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Alcohol Poisoning

Engulfed in a vast cloud of dizziness and confusion. Remember not what is said, or actions taken. Time appears defective as if the hands ricochet around the surface of the clock regardless to that discerned. Recklessly impaired, nauseated & socially solitary. Mentally vacant, departed, physically wasted and weakened. Staggering asthmatically around, relentlessly trying to embrace a state of symmetry. All realization lost, concern at its pinnacle. Unable to readjust oneself, alertness effortlessly slips from grasp, Spinning in and out of consciousness, lying there, answering to no one but the steadfast concrete floor. Distant memories astray, deteriorating recollection. Frantic, emotions contorted on the inside. Passive, motionless and a state of tranquil on the outside. Approaching the brim of mortal resignation.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-07 11:39:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh yes! Well said! I give you an A+ for clarity because I (even I) could follow your meaning all the way through. It staggers in line length and rhyme just as it should. I like the 'on the inside/on the outside' views. Funny you didn't mention that 'great porcelain throne' where you might lay your head (lol) Maybe that's the beauty of it's absence- I kept waiting for it-and I'm glad you didn't have to visit that infamous hall of fame. (smile) It's a great read and a reminder too...thanks for posting this!

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-05-12 16:19:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Mike, This is an intense piece, that sheds light, and the deteriorization that comes with obsessive drinking. You've painted a scene, in where the body & mind are completely out of control - dysfunctioning, desperate, and completely ill from over drinking. This issue, is a strong issue and speaks out to those, who are alcoholics, wives married to alcoholics and their offspring. It's a cycle - that should be broken, whether through inpatient, or outpatient care. You chose some strong descriptives in arranging this poem: as in: recklessly impaired, nauseated & socially solitary, mentally vacant, physically wasted & weakened. Your poem is good, good write on a sad subject. Sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-05-11 11:25:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
And the brim of mortal resignation may well be death. For symmetry, I would like to see those two long lines of yours cut in two parts. It would read better and look better. Well told. I liked the "Mentally vacant" line as that about sums it all up. Whether or not alcohol is a disease (which you never brought up)is hard to determine. Some like to think it is a disease. Personally, there is no real proof and thinking so can be a crutch. I've dealt with too many alcoholics in my career as a Psychiatric Nurse to even care anymore about them (alcoholics)now that I'm retired. I've seen the worst and am glad I don't have to deal with them anymore. But, that being said, this was well written and it does shed a lot of light to those who may not know its causation. P.S.: I could think of a lot of more adjectives to describe them. e.g.:rude, obnoxious, foul, careless,bumbling...

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-05-08 08:31:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mike...welcome to TPL! This is such a powerful poem...I have read it twice and it gives me the chills. I have never been in this situation...I always said I don't drink because it just makes me drunk very fast! Alcohol poisoning has to be one of the most dreadful things immanginable. You have done an excellent job of penning this dire event. You use descriptive words, harsh and to the point. "the steadfast concrete floor." is a brilliant phrase. Well done...hope to read more of your work soon. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-05-08 04:38:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Now this is a description for sure..made me head real. I have only been in that state once and made sure it never happened again. Not a great trip for sure. I like the way you wrote this, point after point until you get to the finality "approaching the brim of mortal resignation".

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-05-07 17:12:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mike, First of all, welcome to TPL. I did not recognize your name so you must be new here! Alcohol poisoning - yes everyone can relate to, myself was once poisoned. I can just recall the whole night I spent drinking with my friend and the sunshine greeted us already still we were not done! But that was the only time and it did not happen again. All your descriptions are true, I laughed at "answering to no one but the steadfast concrete floor". So true. Well, the write is good and the absence of meter, rhyming and the like is just apt to futher capture the theme. Thanks for sharing and I hope I can see more of your submissions here! Jordan

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