Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-06-10 19:37:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Nightmare

Woke up cockcrow, I ambled to the grange, Out of the clear sky, I sensed the sunrays Twinging the pores of my skin. I squinted the world's bulging eyes Spooking me My blood run cold. What has betided to the cosmos? Are we heading the end of days or gearing back to Triassic era? Lo, sprigs wear long faces in prickly heat! Suffocated by UV rays. I didn't notice the jay's cheerful chirrup Wren's snapshot has petered out Only the croak of frogs heard in Budweiser ad on TV.... Behold, Mother Nature weeps! My mind insists that it is only a nightmare. I'm glad the true sun grins at me!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Beatrix A Kam On Date: 2006-07-04 07:30:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
wow. I'm amazed!! I just made my account and the second link I press was well too good for words (it was you!). I loved the line "My blood run cold."made me wish i'd written it. The poem was interesting, and kept me wanting to read more. If I may just one thing though, the excalmation marks makes the poem a little jumpy here and there. Though overall you've written a wonderful poem.I loved it! :) Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing your work. Take Care ^.^ much luv Trixy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-03 23:28:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58333
Jordan, You have such a raw way of saying exactly 'what is'.You get my attention! Mother Earth, Sun and Cosmos are all affected by our mistakes and waste. You are not dreaming......it's happening. You've the right to be upset! We shall all be weeping! Excellant deduction. Good job Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-06-27 17:03:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jordan, This reads like you fell asleep in front of the television set as though the rays and bulging eyes belonged to another source of light. Forgive me if I'm extrapolating...this poem is quirky, like the sun shining in your brain weren't natural. The nightmarish qualities of dislocation, which is alot like T.V. -frogs croaking to sell beer? Like the fusion ads, back to back, a car, and a razor. No wonder people think in 2 second sound bites. Every thought equal to every other thought. The real sun grinning? Why not? Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-24 10:24:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
This might be a nightmare but you have mad it visible in sunlight. This is a spooky, ominous poem that lingers with this reader. Twinging the pores of my skin. That's a great analogy! Have you ever really felt that? I know I have. I have more than once tried to say that-and you have done it so well. ............. I squinted the world's bulging eyes Spooking me.....This line threw me. The bulging eyes of the world. That could mean a couple of different things as I see it. But I think your meaning is clear and definately felt as part of a 'nightmare'. ................ My blood run cold.......run(s) ..ran..? .................... What has betided to the cosmos? ...after much pondering of these words (and the help of my thesauras)I think I get it. Or at least I have made it understandable from my own perspective! (smile) .................. Are we heading the end of days .....do you need to add 'to' the end of days? maybe not, as it is a complete thought without it. Just a question so you'll know I'm listening.. or gearing back to Triassic era?...nice choice...Triassic era....can a people 'gear back' ? ................. Lo, sprigs wear long faces in prickly heat! I love those two lines! Easy to read, and visual. Suffocated by UV rays. ..................... I didn't notice the jay's cheerful chirrup....I'd have to argue that one with you! Around here it's not the jays that are cheerful with the constant demanding. (smile) How about a finch? they're beautiful (and not extinct yet!) ............ Wren's snapshot has petered out ....that's a neat thing to put in! Wrens are almost a thing of the past and now even your snapshot is old and worn. I like it! ............ Only the croak of frogs heard in Budweiser ad on TV.... LOL This is perfect! A sign of the present and a bit of humor too. This very well could be my favorite line. ............. Behold, Mother Nature weeps! My mind insists that it is only a nightmare....self preservation lends us all to feel that way. I like the way you put it. .......... One thing sticks out at me: sunrays....suns' ray? Can't offer much as a suggestion but it's something to consider. .......... I'm glad the true sun grins at me! ..Hooray! A positive ending and a joyful read. I really like this. This gathered my interest and held me all the way through. Very nice work!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-12 22:28:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan, What a unique study into introspection, your write has a good flow and your verbiage is most compatible for your subject. Other than some gramatical/spelling error's which I'm sure you are already aware of, I find no nit with this poem. Great job, keep them coming. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-11 23:14:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jordan...well I am glad this was just a nightmare...too scary to be real! I just have one nit.."my blood run cold"...do you mean "my blood runs cold" or maybe "my blood ran cold?"..."twinging the pores of my skin" is a great line...and "Lo, sprigs wear long faces in prickly heat" wonderful description. You have good word choices and "only the croak of frogs heard in Budweiser ad on TV"....is clever and humerous. Your last line gives the reader a ray of hope that this is truely a nightmare and the sun will shine on you once again! Well done. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-06-11 11:51:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Too much Bud will do that to you!Yikes. A bit choppy in presentation but I suppose that dreams are that way...they don't flow like a movie (usually). So, you got your point across and that's what's important here. I squinted the world's bulging eyes...I squinted (at) the worlds's bulging eyes...good line here as well. My blood run cold...My blood runs cold (or)my blood ran cold...take your pick.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!