This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-09 12:50:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Scarlet and Snow

dawn awakens summoning a sleepy sun while winter’s opaque curtain lifts revealing an opening scene  owing to reflection of incident light cloud petals softly fall from heaven’s ample stow breath of angels stirs stilled trees fleeting as if spirits passing through air aglitter  like sparkling apparitions on their way to meet daybreak’s first light a splash of ruby red as wings waft through branches while prattling his saucy salutations to mystical morning melodies heed his wintersong  he croons of pristine splendors winged journeys have unveiled singing the grandeur of his realm  now clad in the opulence of winter’s clothes weaving through brushwood alighting to pause, performing his aubade atop glistening sequined boughs  a single scarlet drop  upon a frosted  stage ~

Copyright © January 2007 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
Aubade - An open air concert in the morning, a composition suggestive of morning.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sharon J Eisenmann On Date: 2007-02-03 08:34:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow Mary! This is most glorious! I have to begin by thanking the Artist who gave you this beyond lovely scene to describe in the first place. Talk about perfection! And you descibe it so slendidly. I'm humbled by reading it. I also learned a new word-Aubade. The birds of the air know this joyful song. Twas only new to me. Thank you for the melody and vision. Sharon

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-02 19:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Oh Mary, This poem, takes my breath away! What a beautifully written piece that truly captivates me. You have, verse for verse, written one of the best poems I've read this month. Imagery, tops the list - in unique lines, that paint the poem before my eyes. I hope you realize, that this creation deserves applause - for thought, and for the powerful impact it has on the reader. My best to you with this poem. sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-02-02 09:44:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Mary, I must say your title sets me us up for a “splash” of excitement. You didn’t let us down. Opening you speak “dawn awakens”- wow, so much from eternity past to this morning, metaphors beyond the known and suspected jump to the mind- a splendid opening line. As you speak, it is almost a visual whisper, of “opaque”, “curtain lifting”, “incident light”, and we are left waiting to see what is behind that curtain. Adding the anthropomorphic character to the sun is a nice touch- the steamy, hot, sizzling star (sol), “sleepy”. Nice. The “cloud petals”, “heaven’s stow”, “stilled trees”, “angels stirring” provide us the “spirits passing… aglitter”. This is wonderfully warm, and yet poignant visions. When you spiritualize the piece on an individual basis- it works stunningly “sparkling apparitions” those “spirits” adrift. Well done. The “splash of ruby red”- takes, as your title suggests, the dark and the snow and adds a color that opposes and accents the mornings light/life, and then we have fun!!- “wings waft” “prattling his saucy salutations” “mystical morning melodies” “wintersong” – ah the sound of the consonants accenting, and the visuals accenting, and the song singing- then to lead us “croons of pristine splendors” “winged journeys unveiled” – it is as if we have walked this morning with you, you allowed us this privilege. The concert the “abade” atop “glistening boughs- a nice reference to the soulful tones of a cello or violin- splendid analogy. There the sparkling snow is “sequined boughs” leads us to the “frosted stage” as we leave the theater enthralled by a stunning performance. Excellent poem. Completely enjoyed the walk.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-28 11:41:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Mary, this is beautiful! The angels stirring the trees, the clouds dropping petals... air aglitter like sparkling apparitions on their way to meet daybreak’s first light a splash of ruby red.........I'm not sure if these line breaks were intended, but I don't think they are needed to get that awesome picture presented., clad in the opulence of wintrs clothes...lovely discription This is one of those poems that you read again just to savor it's loveliness. I really lik it aot. I am an avid bir watcher and I often get out at dawn to see 'who' is coming today...your poem is lovely! Thanks for sharing, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-16 01:11:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, You sound happy to be alive, the world coming through your particular view is quite delightful and lovely. What redbird is this sashaying through your poem? This is rereshing as the morning dew....... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-10 19:01:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, I'm in awe, maybe even a bit green eyed. I love your verbiage and the scenes you've painted for us, I could not paint as pictursque a rendering of this beautiful site as you've done with pen, I'm afraid my canvas would end up just looking like a white ghost with blobs... You've really put the awe back into winter scenery,perhaps I would liken this to a "Rockwell" in words. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-10 05:40:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Simply breathtaking your words create such a scene of mystical have beautifully described morning at its best breaking over Mount Tully here where I live..........the sound of the morning birds as they begin to sing their praise to God above for all His love; the big old pine trees covered with first fall of fresh winter snow, the glitter of the sunlight as it touches each bough......indeed a single scarlet drop upon a frosted stage Thank you so very much for sharing this with us; looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-09 15:52:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Mary...I do believe this is one of your finest poems! It is soft and lovely with word choices that give us beautiful images of the wonders of winter. I love "cloud petals" simply superb and I wish I had thought of it. "breath of angles stirs still trees" have delicious 's' sounds that are pleasing to the ear. Describing the looming sun as a single of drop of scarlet on a frosted stage is such a poetic thought. There are many great poets...Frost and Stevenson come to mind that could not have written a more beautiful and enticing poem....bravo and a bunch of red roses for you!! Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-09 13:48:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
That "splash of ruby red", "a single scarlet drop/upon a frosted stage" with wafting wings and wintersong, has to be a redbird. To play amid your "glistening sequined boughs" with subtle wind to produce illusion of "air aglitter". A captured moment. One I have had but whose frame you've better placed more upright upon the wall of my recollection."Mystical morning melodies", "winged journeys", "winter's clothes" better conjuration of winterland spell. Had one ever been so lapse in observation as to have compared winter with the grave, you've turned them on their head. And made the resiliance of life and living more mindful to one prone to sometimes forgeting in what only appears to cursory view as wasteland. JCH
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