This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-01-09 20:20:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Father's Funeral

   Twelve years old     and three days from adulthood. the funeral parlor…     lined in curious seekers sounding in repetitive phrase                      “So sorry” I remember     sitting at the coffin musing over memories     some real,others fantasy a mix, contrived    with just enough of each  to sustain     a broken child to maintain   an unstable sanity three days     I tell you, three days  spent gazing upon the man  I had called my father     never truly experiencing                       “Father”  never really knowing this man      now lying in the casket still silent , still stiff,      still in mystery.             ~GERALD PATRICK HEMSWORTH~ I remember     watching him write it writing it     as if he were an artist, a scholar flowery and fanciful  huge hooping of letters     with many loose tails a message in his signature     more than scratching on a page;  representative of his life.                  I see this now A double identity of sorts     and me, I knew neither So,so many loose tales    different directions unknown destinations and ,I remember thinking        Where are you going to now Daddy?                                   

Copyright © January 2007 Nancy Ann Hemsworth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-02-07 23:01:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
These deep thoughts are taken through a hollow barrel before they're dropped on the page, like a splotch, they stop right there. At first I am tripping along, hodge podge, and then you surprise me with an ending that is so touching and soft, like a child full of wonder. I remember watching him write it writing it as if he were an artist, a scholar flowery and fanciful huge hooping of letters with many loose tails a message in his signature more than scratching on a page; representative of his life. *****you got me right there! that is awesome! In my mind I see a scene fitting for a Rockwell. This is very nicely done. I really like this.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2007-02-07 21:53:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I find this poem very invoking of emotions in theme. However, I feel like much can be done to improve the flow of poetry ... a starting suggestion would be punctuation and better alignment for ease of reading. I liked the intervening blocks of phrases such as 'So Sorry' and the last two as well. I remember watch him "write it writing it as" ... needs to be revised to just "write it". As I said earlier, the theme is very moving and has potential for invoking a lot more emotion in people if written the right way.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-18 15:27:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy...this is a superb poem...honestly! In my opinion a poet is defined by his/her work only if what they write is memorable...this poem is just that...memorable. I belong to a couple of other sites where I read and critique poems of many types. So much of what is out there is just so ordinary and yes, some of it is just drivel. Since TPL is my home, anyway, this is where I come if I want to read works that have merit and outstanding poets. To lose a parent when you are only 12 years old is so sad but from what you have written (assuming this is autobiographical) you never had a good relationship with him. I like the way you formatted this piece. It has an even flow as each line blends into the next fluidly. Even though you might not have know your father well, I can feel the melancholy in the written and unwritten words. Very well done...bravo. Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-12 08:36:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, This is heartwrenching, and packed full of raw emotion. One can actually "sense" the sadness and confusion the "child" is feeling in this poignant write. I especially liked the term "broken child" as it depicts not only the child's sadness, but also the psyche, and the turmoil both must be in. Also, the constant retreat into memories makes this even more effective, and thus leads into the "double identity" feelings you speak of. But, the last line, I belive, has the most devastating impact. With all the raw emotion, confusion, and bouncing back and forth btween the "then and now" of the situation....still the "child" has a hard grasping the concept of this kind of loss. Beautifully, and powerfully penned. Nancy! Brava!! Regards, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-10 19:13:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, I found myself holding my breath waiting to read your next line, would you find what you search for; do we ever. Were there answers for you or just more questions making more questions...unconditional love for that is what we do as children and we never know quite why nor can we explain it. Well penned, very enjoyable even with considering the subject matter... and Daddy journeys on. Bravo. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-10 05:56:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy this is written from the heart and soul of a little girl so very well presented as if it just happened........the expression of words brings forth the memories of this little girl (almost into her teen years) and yet I still feel the loss of the child......the not knowing perhaps who this man really was other then her father and it seems you did not know him very well either.......I remember sitting three days at my own father's funeral and watching him turn purple in color because of the way he died they indicated. I remember touching his cold hands, thinking this is not the father I so loved.....where has he gone? Simple if you believe.....he has gone to God's heavenly garden where he waits for you to join him......the way you enlarged your father's complete name makes me feel he was very important yet remained a mystery to you his daughter.......sadness and loss are also felt throughout the entire piece.......I hated the words "So sorry" wondering if they really meant it or if it was something that had to be said..........death is not the end just the closing of one door and the opening of yet is not easy to lose a parent at any age Nancy but to lose one when you are so very young is most difficult. Thank you for posting and sharing with us you certainly have brought this to reality to this reader. God Bless, Claire
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