This Poem was Submitted By: Claudia F. Sepe On Date: 2008-01-09 11:57:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Reaches Out

A baby is born Open its eyes and sees the light The baby cries and reaches out Reaches for comfort But no one reaches in The baby growns into a child It cries and reaches out Reaches for a feeling of love But no one reaches in The child learns not to cry  Learns not to reach out It grows into an adult The adult, with no feeling And not able to cry It has a baby The adult opens its eyes Sees the light Now, it learns how to cry Tears of happiness It learns to feel Feelings of love Love for its child The adult reaches out Reaches for the comfort And feeling of love Love from its child And now it receives back But soon it is taken away The adult reaches out But no one reaches in The adult turns back into to be a child It learns not to feel and not to cry

Copyright © January 2008 Claudia F. Sepe

Additional Notes:
This poem was writting regards to my own feeling, regarding to my own life.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-01-19 06:43:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Claudia, in such a poem as yours, where syntax is so important (reaching in, reaching out) typos are a no-no. In your second verse, "The baby growns into a child", what leaps out to the reader's mind is the play on groans, so the proper case, grows, is imperative. Otherwise the poem is spendid in its subtle revealing of the mechanism within that provides our either being open or shut to our full potential. Responsible for a child's adeptness to acquire language so quickly, this same mechanism can be highly emotionally damaging when parents don't provide enough loving presence early on. When I read a poem like this it strikes me that the poet has struggled with that sort of "damage" and seeks to relate to others in more meaningful ways than allowed before, perhaps due to those effects. In the last two lines, I suggest the more grammatical, The adult returns to the child/Who cannot feel and will not cry. "It" is incorrect form for the personal pronoun. No child is ever an "it". Though the poet may imply damaged self-value, don't end the poem with "it". JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-01-17 20:57:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Claudia, They say and how true it is 'how can one love if they are not taught', Especially by example. if your parents don't know how to love and show the child, how can the child show their child. and on down the line. i know of your dilemma. Being a parent yourself you learned what love was! How wonderful indeed. But you really didn't learn to show it the right way. We honestly all do the best we can with what we know. The whole of the secret is; Unless you learn to love yourself [good and bad] you will never know what it's about. If you don't value yourself, how can another? Get my isn't out there, it's in you...... Don't fret over emotion or tears, just work on loving that you of so many years ago. You have lots to make up to her. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-01-14 17:46:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Claudia, Welcome to TLP. This poem defines itself not by being muchly poetical, but by having a list-like quality telling the age old story of how the sins of parents are visited upon the children. As it comes across and you say it is, an extremely personal poem sharing with the reader your own feelings, nothing can really be said about it as a poem. Some people here have said that writing can be very theraputic, I hope this is the case for you. And that the way you conclude the poem, is not the final statement of how you approach life. We are only victims if we let ourselves be and it requires strength of purpose to pull up from the errors of the past. Again, it is difficult for the reader to determine what you might want in ways of a critique. Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-01-12 20:10:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
My heart feels the deep pain this child (you) must have felt from the time you were born, able to see the light and to reach out to the person that you perhaps thought kept you safe within herself until this moment. You do not stress though why this child feels no one reaching back into have used free verse in writing style and this works well with this one.....your pen has words that continue to flow allowing one image after another to be created thus bringing to life this baby, growing into a young child, then adult and with child of her own......the sadness that leads up to this point and the tears and mixture of emotions that are felt once she holds her own baby go beyond compare. Once more though the heart breaks as the child is no longer there for whatever reason not stated within the lines.....allowing the reader to go with their own imagination and ending as this young woman returns to her child like state of not feeling again. Seeing the words you created with the flow of your pen I feel that perhaps you are once more taking hold of your life, trying to put the past behind or remove the pain held within for whatever reaso it was there in the beginning. If I could hold you in my arms I would for we all need to be loved and love to be needed. Thanks for posting, for sharing this most difficult time with us. Perhaps you will post more giving us insight to this lovely young lady and where she is today. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2008-01-10 17:36:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Claudia, nice to see a new poet on the link. I am an old one, so you will have to bear with me. First, you title entices the reader to answer the question, Reaches out for what? The stanzas are staggered in lines presented, and not offset or stepped down. I would suggest you either offset them, or equalize them in number of lines, ie. 5,6,5,6,5,6 or 4,5,6,6,5,4 simply for visual appeal and consistency. Since the work is free verse, and the verbiage straight forward, you might also consider tightening up the lines, that is removing "the"s, "But"s, "and"s "It"s, etc...You can pare down without losing feeling or emotion, since the reader understands without the intrusion of small words. Here's an example I might share.. Born, seeing light, a baby reaches out cries for comfort but no one reaches in I do not wish to change your work, only to show a different take on expressing the same view, or as is said, painting the same picture with different brush strokes and colors. You have the ability to express and involve the reader in the story. The sharing of your emotional views is most important. Sometimes less is more, and less gives the reader more room to navigate the fields of feeling which poetry is meant to touch and enrich. Keep up the nice work. Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-01-09 15:46:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Claudia....Welcome to TPL! This is such a melancholy poem that it is almost too painful to read. This little child reached out for love and comfort and received none....what could be more sad than that? Children learn by example whether it be a good example or not. Many adults are crippled by never receiving what they need and they retreat in order to keep out the pain. This probably happens more than what we know. I think your fourth strophe is the saddest. The adult receives love from a child and then it is taken away. I am wondering if the poet is saying the child died or just left home and now the adult grieves. You wrote this piece verse that is easy to read and has a good flow. Well done Blessings....Marilyn
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