This Poem was Submitted By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2010-01-03 17:32:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Morning Song

          As the ocean rises to meet the sky,      The horizon a thin line in it’s own existance.                   My thoughts stray .                     Here and there,                      Now and then.             Around my self and back again.                I feel the ocean current,                   Carried on the wind.                     Center myself,                       And begin.                        Morning                         Song!

Copyright © January 2010 Dan D Lavigne

Additional Notes:
Something I wrote many years ago when I used to live at the ocean and greet the sun.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-01-26 16:54:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dan, Enjoyed this little breath of poetic lightness. It has sometimes struck me how there are moments in both early morning and early evening that seem the same. As though the cusp of change always shares some similarity. To wake in celebration of life is a simple gift, simple but significant, as it sets the tone for the day; a happy time shown in this poem. You wrote the poem was written many years ago...are you writing any poetry now? Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-01-24 22:06:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dan, You were blessed to have lived by the ocean and I thank you for sharing that experience with us. I liked how your poem flowed, the innovative presentation and the climax with the outburst of the 'morning song'. I would like to see stronger images, more color and hear some sound - you have the best musuicans in the house - the ocean itself, the gulls.... Hope this helps... Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-01-15 16:01:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dan, I like this. It rolls off the tongue. I'd of liked begin......again to mornings song. I like here/there/now/then........[begin again] This poem makes for hope and happy to be alive. Good job! Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-12 08:50:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A very nice poem and with the centering, creates an unusual visual. Your poem is easy flowing and definitely an easy comfortable read. The occaisional rhyme lends it's self well to the images you cause in mind. With your choice words one can gather that you meditate, and as you center your auras before your day begins, you create your morning song. While I understand the metaphysical term "center" you may have readers that do not however I could not come up with a better word for you except these three which I'm not sure will serve the purpose... collect, focus, gather. I enjoyed your poem, love the reflection of how to you begin the day, very zen. Thank you for posting this poem. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-04 15:55:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Dan, I love the sea so this poem speaks to me. Your words "center myself" allude to how you centered the poem, which may not be your intention but to me it is quite clever. I especially like "I feel the ocean current, carried on the wind" it's a lovely phrase. I find nothing in this piece that should be altered in anyway. Well done. cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-04 01:20:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I love when poets change from typical structures, I think it enhances the piece and adds a great visual to the read. It's message is clear and concise, imagery is good - intertwining imagery with emotions felt while doing this. I see no changes to be made - it's not wordy, and precisely hits the target to give the reader a good read. I hope to read more of your work. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-03 21:46:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Remove "existance" and you will have a charming poem. I don't much care for "Center" since it's a technical term dealing with imposed mental conditioning, but perhaps it has more innocent use as well. I like very much the opening line and its illusion. Anyone ever having been at sea will well appreciate it. Good to have you here, Dan, and hope you will continue to submit. We have a contest running over the course of the three months, January, February and March. And we're giving some good prize money. See my, Please Read, submission for more details. JCH
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