This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-02 09:27:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Cross

                    live  your                     life   and                     dare   the                     w o r l d ,                     i   s a y .            you  suffer  because  of  me            you stumble and become weary            i   exempt   no  one  anyway                     hold firmly                     I am  heavy                     You w a n t                      light  er ?                     be like Him                     d  r  i n k                       t h e  cup.

Copyright © November 2003 Jordan Brendez Bandojo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-30 12:48:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like this poem, and even though I am typically not a fan of graphic (so-called ASCII) style poems, the words fit well with the images. I like the idea of this portrayal of the "Him" as daring. Many other qualities are mentioned typically, but I like this. The idea of daring lightness is really a good description. It reminds me of a place I go with my wife to guitar lessons. It's both in motion and daring at once. Thanks for the inspriration. REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-12-05 20:10:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Hi Jordan, not sure I understand this. Is Christ the narrator? It sounds like a prayer-poem, perhaps Christ on the way to Calvary, or us trying to live the Christian way. I think I understand it, until the end. Who is to be like him and who is he who drinks the cup/drank the cup. I feel like there's some poetic reference here that I missed or have forgotten. When you mention cup like this, the first person I thought of was Socrates, but that didn't make sense. Anyway, I hope you enlighten me. I enjoyed the poem, something about the flow of the words felt comfortable. Good luck with poetry. C.Arrownut
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-12-02 11:12:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Oh my goodness, Jordan! This is a radical departure for you, and remarkable in its impact. My only small query is the shift from i to I. I'm interpreting this as spoken by Christ and therefore, "be like Him" would seem to actually mean "be like Me". But small matter; the last part flings a challenge at those of little faith and large complaints (in other words, most of us). We want lighter? To ease burdens, we must - paradoxically - be willing to accept those of others. We must also be unafraid of whatever pain we're asked to endure in the process. "i exempt no one anyway". We are all our brothers' keepers. "Drink the cup" forces us to assume our own obligations, toward God and humanity. The form of the poem is, of course, obvious, and because you have chosen short lines, it works really well. I'm very impressed and hope this won't be the only piece you tackle in this way. Wow ... you blew me away with this one. Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-28 16:48:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39130
Hi Jordan, This poem, written in the form of a cross, is profound and thought- provoking to say the least. Your faith is evident in your words. My first impression is that God is uttering these words from the corss, however, I feel a certain amount of anger here..."you want light er? be like Him and drink the cup." Sooooo now I am inclined to think Satan himself is doing the speaking. I just hate not being able to get inside the head of the poet so you will have to forgive my ramblings here on trying to analyze such talented writing. All that aside this is a worthy piece of poetry and one that leaves me wondering and pondering as all good poetry should. Keep wiriting I always look forward to reading your work. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-11-23 02:55:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jordan, “The Cross” is not your usual form…I can sense that you are experimenting and broadening your craft. Visually, your entry is entertaining! Internally, this is profound and with strong conviction! Your stand and your faith exude within lines. The oxymoronic deal of “I am heavy”…”You want light er?”…”be like Him drink the cup” is striking! It leaves reader pondering with the depths of the thought. Effective! Kudos on your short but very substantial entry! Keep writing! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-11-21 06:33:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.64286
Jordan - A very unique poem of encouragement and one that we can all identify with. Thanks for sharing! Annette
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-11-11 14:26:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! This is different from any of your previous I have read. The lines that I find the most powerful in the poem are, "drink / the cup." I think that his is a wonderful challange, and while I usually avoid religious poems like the plague, this I really like. It puts the emphisis where it belongs, and shows by its form the focus of the poem. I would suggest that you use the space a little differently and center the whole thing. Also it might work better if you put a little more space between the title and the body of the poem, as the cross functions better visually if it stands alone. Thanks for this one! Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-10 03:47:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
hi jordan, nice try! but like i told you before, you have to use words that your readers can SEE so that when your readers read this, they will appreciate it more. i did already.but this poem can be better.good luck!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2003-11-09 22:18:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan, always a treat for the spirit when another gives witness. I enjoyed the format and the' story line. The final thought is direct and effective. What else can we do but "drink the cup." or walk away from it. A well done piece which lends to thought provocation of the highest order. Thanks for the post. Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2003-11-09 20:20:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jordan very clever piece enjoyed the sentiment and will live my life enjoyed the novel approach to layout and content ie a poem about the cross written as in the form of a cross a powerful message simply put enjoyed the read have no comment to improve liked it as it is take care be happy and keep writing steve
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-11-08 20:08:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jordan - Forgive me...structured poems such as this are not near the top of my list of favorites. The message usually gets lost in the construction. Yor effort seems (to me) a bit confusing. Who is the speaker? Who is telling me to "live my life and dare the world..." It was because of whom that I suffered? And.. who is the one who "..exempts no one..." and is "...heavy..."? I understand the "...Him.." I should be like refers to the Christian Savior but... all these other questions leave me unfulfilled. I appreciate your effort in creating such a picture with words but, again...for me... the meaning gets lost in the construction. Thank you for sharing your effort. S.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-06 07:29:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
live your life and dare the w o r l d , i s a y . you suffer because of me you stumble and become weary i exempt no one anyway hold firmly I am heavy You w a n t light er ? be like Him d r i n k t h e cup. Poet.....most difficult in my book to provide images as you have projected with the structure of your words and this is a job well done......The Cross of our Lord......we should all take up that cross and make our lives accordingly but to some it is much too heavy.....For those of us who love the Lord and try to live our lives accordingly care not what the world might say.......when I stumble and fall I know it is of my own doing for I must have taken my eyes off of His great love......nice want light? be like Him, drink the cup........Can you imagine the cup He drank those thousands of years ago so we could all live be that fortunate......Thanks for posting, for sharing this with us especially at this time of the year when there is still so much hatred and confusion, killing, stealing and whatever else is going on within the world.......Thanksgiving is soon upon us and in reality we should stop and reflect what we have to be thankful I am thankful for my mom who is 92 and lives with us here in Tully......we just had a car accident and the Lord once again provided a miracle in which mom was saved......we are home, we are working together in hopes that she will regain her strength which is coming on a daily basis and she will be with us for many years to come. drink the cup......indeed we try to live it daily.......mother in law in our care too and she is 85...both in wheelchairs and twenty four hour care.....but you know what? They are where they belong....with family and at home......The road we choose in life might seem hard to others that do not live it themself and perhaps yes, somedays are harder then others but for the most part it is rewarding to see the light still shining in their eyes..... Again, thanks for posting, be safe and God Bless, Claire
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