This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-18 19:15:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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If I Smile now and then Will it fulfill or do You need excitement morn unto Midnight...

Copyright © August 2005 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-07 10:57:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46809
I guess this is an example of cinquain. Will smiling bring me excitement? Who knows? Does the smile come with attachments? I'm afraid that excitement from morn to midnight might do me in! I ain't a kid no more! Thanks for this (well what else am I supposed to say? It's a short piece. The effort was good to get your point across. The title could change. I'm partial NOT to having a title that appears in the body...something I learned at a convention of poets. Tra La....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-09-04 15:28:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
Marilyn, How can anyone smile nonstop? And yet some do. I'd rather have realness, instead of deceit. Who wants an ongoing barbie doll relationship? We can only be who we are. If it's not exciting enough, who cares if they are that shallow...who needs that? Hope I'm getting your picture right? Shoot me down if I'm wrong...... hugs Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-08-27 18:57:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MT, This looks like one of those complicated forms you have mastered. As far as I can tell, you are doing a really, really, really, good job at it. LOL! Can you tell I'm drinking Coronas tonight. HEHE! Keep smiling, one a day at least. T
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-08-21 10:28:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, cinquain structured request for an answer perhaps not wanted but needed. I enjoyed the question, answered with a question format. If I had any suggestion, it would be to find another word for excitement in the body of the piece because these are such short poetic vehilcles. The thought comes thru loud and clear, and the frustration seeps out. Nice work as usual. Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-21 08:12:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
I need more contentment in my life, peace, quiet, I have enough excitement to last a lifetime....good point though, nicely written, I think a smile can go a long way in any relationship, for any circumstance, even in the darkest of times, a smile will just add the sun to the situation. I do know some though who need that excitement from morn to night and I could not help them at all..........its too exhausting.......hehehe.....thanks for posting, sharing and allowing this reader to respond. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-20 11:15:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Marilyn, You are really getting into the cinquain writing, and as to be expected, this on is right on count and definitely brings a different way of viewing how our actions are percieved by someone else. And yes, I'll take that occasional smile as given from morning to night for it can sustain the most of pleasant feelings throughout the day. Bravisimo, this put a smile on my face.....thank you, thank you, for the reminder of how something so simple as a smile can bring about such a change in all things. Warmest always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-19 09:36:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is different for you Marilyn! Sometimes the most concise poems contain the most complex ideas and this one certainly leads us to an introspective contemplation. If I Smile now and then Will it fulfill or do You need excitement morn unto Midnight[?] [nicely alliterative] Good question - "is that all there is?" Can we be satisfied even with a sublime gentleness – a feeling of peace - a solid gesture and expression of well being - or do we, inexplicably, need to jump off a bridge or out of a plane to feel alive? And do the people in our life need us to be jumping out of plans for their amusement - or can they be content in our happiness? Lots to think about here re the vagaries of human behaviour and expectation. Bestm, Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-19 01:27:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, An interesting cinquain. It all seem so easy on the surface but I know for sure that composing these kinds of pieces can impose huge challenges. I believe his has to do with satisfying someone and from the looks of it, he/she might be asking for a whole lot. I guess it's all about giving and how much to give...small doses or vast oceans. Well written and I'm sure that this sort of 'excitement' if asked for morn unto night, would keep you very very busy. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-08-18 23:15:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Definitely Marilyn, I'm certainly the kind of girl who loves entertainment from the time I get up until I close my eyes. I don't always get it though, at least not the kind I'd like. With 2 small sons runnig around all day, it does stay pretty exciting though. I like the fact that you gave this one a one word title. It's simple, but fitting. Sometimes I think writers get really caught up in titling poems, and the result is something that really doesn't work well for the piece. So good job there. You ask one question in this poem, and you offer one very true statement. I'm not sure smiles can be equated to excitement, but then again, if this is a poem to a significant other, smiles can me more than what they suggest. I have heard people say that they get up in the morning just to see another smile. That's romantic and sweet. So, rereading this poem, I see it as definitely the kind of thing I'd say to my husband. Actually, he's probably said this thing more to me . . . since I'm the one who thrives on excitement and have complained about boredom. You definitely made me think with this one. I like most of all how this poem unfolds. You break the lines in just the right places, and each line moves at a poetic pace that causes the reader to internalize every word as it comes together as a thought. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing "Excitement." Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-18 21:21:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Marilyn–Another intimate inferenced cinquain. Tasteful and subtle the subject broached: whatever answer given, there will be no losers (it’s a win win proposition-smile). P. S. Stay away from the Asti, Chardonnay and Zinfandel. TLW
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