charles r pitts's E-Mail Address: cdognu4fun@yahoo.com
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Displaying Critiques 101 to 111 out of 111 Total Critiques.| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by charles r pitts | Critique Date |
| SEASON’S CONSEQUENT | Debbie Spicer | I hope I'm not being too personal here, but this poem seems to be about being raped. Though I truly hope this is not the case, this piece could definately be used to help rape victims find release. "you required my flesh", "seize me unprepared." "Using your defiled grasp, invading me", "It was I who encountered the aftermath ...hid the secret.....intensely......even from myself." in the first stanza seem to scream of the personal horror, shame, and isolation that must accompany such an atrocious act of violence. You describe the ongoing process of pain, the relentless weight carried with the memory here-"Any even despite my fight, you would not cease." in the second stanza, but by the end, you begin to show the first steps on the road to personal redemption -"but that which you intended ever endured." And the third stanza ends with the proud defiance of one who has overcome great obstacles to be where you are-"As I remember the anguish of so many years ago, when I was seized so unprepared. I know now that I will prevail." Regardless of theme, this poem stands as a beacon, lighting the way for all who have struggled against great odds. Very brave to open yourself this way, and hopefully, very redeeming. | 2004-10-12 20:38:28 |
| A Child | Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach | Thanks for replying to my critique of The Dawn of a New Thought. It really cleared things up for me and I stopped feeling so inadequate. Now that I know the reasons behind your word choices, it makes your composition all the more extraordinary. To contemplate the complexities of the fallibility of man's logic is one of the most enjoyable, satisfying targets for poetry in my opinion. Nothing lends itself so easily to scrutiny and critique than the haphazard, often ridiculous ways of man. You could really give this poem a spark by comparing something as simple as a child's hand as it grows from the impractical instrument of destruction, into the pragmatic tool of grasper/manipulator (then back into destructive instrument for a real twist), with the stationary machine, redundant in its limited capacities etc., etc.....or some other examples to bring your comparisons to life.. Nice write in its simplicity | 2004-10-12 20:24:03 |
| Father's Time | Mark D. Kilburn | You have assembled some very revealing scenarios here that seem to encompass everything. Your words are simple and common, yet you combine them in a such a lyrical, casually conversational way that the message punches you in the gut. You matter-of-factly detail the pain, the scars, the after-effects of physical abuse that is pertinent, relevant, and all-too-real. Your rhythm needs some work in all but the 1st and 3rd stanzas, but that could be fixed with some simple wording adjustments. Otherwise, you definately have a piece of work worthy of publication. Your poem could be used to help the physically abused find their voice. they’re already numb on the outside on the inside they just go insane. Beaters boys often have hard times staying close to their lovers and friends painfully expressive | 2004-10-12 14:21:21 |
| Finding the Muse | Edwin John Krizek | Is it Calliope you seek? Or is it Euterpe? Or maybe Erato? Perhaps Thalia? It has to be a univeral rule somewhere that the harder you look for something, the more it eludes you. How many times have I labored over a word, or a phrase, or a concept to no avail, only to have it pop in my head effortlessly when I'm ill-prepared like driving down the road? Exceptionally illustrative are in the last two sentences. They make this poem what it is. The ocean of your urgency...the turbulent tides of creativity-ever-creashing and borne of passionate necessity... ahhh-just love those last 2 lines! | 2004-10-12 13:42:16 |
| Listen, Missy! | Andrea M. Taylor | I think you should drop the "will" in the 2nd line "Slowly friends will appear aloof" to promote rhythm and flow. Also in the first couplet, your 1st line is cause, 2nd line is effect, but that pattern is not consistent in the last two. You might try to make them cause and effect for contiuity. The second couplet is a bit awkward as far as its meaning. You might try some different wording to promote clarity. Overall, I really like this. It's short and sweet, and kind of cute. | 2004-10-12 12:26:00 |
| Tree haiku #1 | Joanne M Uppendahl | I think your 2nd line makes this the fine work that it is. Many who write haiku focus more on the form than the content. Here your 1st line begins simple enough, and on first glance, one scanning first lines might pass it by. But the 1st sets up the 2nd. While the true beauty of your poem lies in "tethered to wind-scented limbs", the brittle stems speak of coming winter. I can almost smell the autumn in the air, and feel that first chill on the wind. Love the "wind-scented" limbs- such an vivid, original description. And the last line leaves you wanting a little more. I felt a subtle sense of futility while reading this as I also feel watching the leaves turn and fall each year. There is a distinct sadness I find during fall and winter, as dead leaves fall from the trees leaving them naked and exposed. You brought that to me in your words. Nice. | 2004-10-12 11:45:32 |
| If You Could Live Your Life Backward | Mell W. Morris | Very thought-provoking, and humorous. This poem seems like things you would think to yourself in a moment of despair, but very accurately put on paper. It's the little things that drive you crazy and make you wonder such things. As a crossword fanatic, I can identify. "careless ways with your Emotions" speaks volumes in just five words. In those reflective moments where you question your lot in life, these are exactly the questions you would ask yourself. "Fireworks viewed, inside you, too." My favorite line-very clever and poignant. An example of true poetry: revealing the uniqueness of a commonality. | 2004-10-12 11:33:38 |
| Shadow on the Wind | Jana Buck Hanks | Beautiful. Perhaps you were walking along the shore, and the blowing winds and salty smells of the sea brought your brother back to you. Maybe the two of you spent many days together on that shore, or one like it, but you took that moment, that remembrance, and captured it wonderfully. Nice alliteration here- Passages of Time that caught in a silver spider web Spun upon a looking glass. And this is so beautifully worded-Our unending future lives entwined That we shall meet again As shadows on the wind of Time. The best thing is that you express loss without sorrow. Well done. | 2004-10-12 11:24:42 |
| Incubating The Dream (Arthurian Ode Part II) | Robert Wyma | I love the rhyme scheme here. Almost "limerickal". Is this about the "Sword and the Stone" sort of? I am grossly ignorant of the medieval genre, but this poem definately has a noble, valiant air to it. "Ethereal dreams", "quarried by masons", and "chaliced in myth" are all wonderfully descriptive phrases that really pique the imagination, and your use of alliteration is sometimes subtle (emptiness fell like eternities edge) and sometimes blatant (dreams descended to clear daunting doubts). Very nice. | 2004-10-12 10:13:11 |
| The Dawn of a New Thought | Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach | This one was way over my head, and beyond my vocabulary. Was a difficult read for me, feeling like a verbal bombardment inside my head. But I'm no expert. This may turn out to be the greatest poem of the 21st century. Such is the beauty of poetry. I feel stupid when I read this, like there's something great in there I'm missing. Your choice of words does create a dream-like flow that is quite pleasurable, I just don't know what it means. By all means, continue... | 2004-10-12 10:00:37 |
| MY THOUGHTS ON POLITICS | TJ Daniels | I like this. Brief, direct, simple, but oh so accurate. Funny too. It totally summed up my thoughts on the subject far better than I could, in a hundred less words. Bravo. Some poems make you think, this one does your thining for you... | 2004-10-12 09:51:08 |
| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by charles r pitts | Critique Date |
Displaying Critiques 101 to 111 out of 111 Total Critiques.
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