Irene E Fraley's E-Mail Address: battlejo@warwick.net

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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Irene E Fraley has given on The Poetic Link.
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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Irene E Fraley	Critique Date
Occupation,Revelation	Michael Bird	This is a merry dance about town! I like the beat of this and wondered if there is music set to this poem? The imagery is clear and visual. The poem flows well from start to finish. I would suggest that the typo of "your" in the third stanza be corrected, and that perhaps the line breaks in stanza 9 could be changed to let the lines be somewhat shorter. This is the only place I had to re-read aloud. I like the passon and youthfull enthusiam of this piece. Thanks for sharing, Rene Fraley	2003-09-26 22:46:51
japanese verse 26 (Camel)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	The poem meets the form well. The syllable count is correct, the subject Nature, there is a "twist" at the end. As I read, I pictured the ground around Bethleham, a camel pacing steadily along. The last line, as description of the camel is really good. It marries the camel and hisa form to the land he walks. I love the deceptive simplicity of your Haiku. Rene fraley	2003-09-26 22:35:31
The Pilgrims Prospect	Frank J Glynn	I can picture this man, having left everything in the everyday, pragmatic, progress oriented world to search for his dream. After he has left it all and found what he searched for it is hard to give up the dream to face the world of "reality" again. He envies those still on the search, and re-joins the searchers. This reads very smoothly, the images are clear. I don't have a clue what the clam shell represents, but it seemed to me as I read this poem, that the right to pursue your dream without being denigrated is important. Is the clam shell worth losing the respect of your children? To some, yes. Is the subject someone who cannot deal with real like? Perhaps. I don't see how one could change this poem. The tone that is established through the use of long lines and a lyrical rhythem is what makes the poem so interesting, even if one doesn't understand it well. The sound of it is good. I did wonder about "no-one". Was there a particular reason it was written this way? I liked this. Rene Fraley	2003-09-25 20:36:30
Between the Wind and the Song of Calling Geese	Joanne M Uppendahl	A heart poem, in that it touches the heart of the reader. This is one of those poems that tells us so much about the poet, and what is really important. I don't know if the creator need thanks from me, but I know I need to give thanks to the creator for - everything. The imagery of worship in nature, the mix of spiritual and nature imagery, all of these things worked to build within me a stillness of soul as I read. Surely this is the best poem of all, that inner peace. Thank you, Joanne. I needed to read this tonight, Rene	2003-09-22 19:37:15
Strapped	Thomas H. Smihula	I know the style is not exactly the same, but as I read this I thought of "The Hounds of Heaven". There is a sort of magical quality to the imagery. I had the sense I first had when opening a book that by the very title seemed to promise adventure, sensations and wonders. I thought of the creative force that traps us all as writers as if we are bound to write as we are bound to breathe. I thought of the storms of emotions bound up in all kinds of love, and I was really happy I picked this poem to critique. The writing is exquisite. The imagery is strong, vivid, the flow is good as is the use of space on the paper. I would not change this. The reason people thought there should be more, I'm sure, is that it's like a good story one can't stand to see end. Thank you so much for this poem! Rene	2003-09-22 19:26:24
Perfumery (Tanka)	carole j mennie	I wish my fixed forms book was here! The poem seems to meet what I remember a tanka should be. It is a poem of nature and has a neat twist at the end. The imagery is really good and I like the humor, especially naming the skunk, "old stripe". Thanks for the Tanka, Carole. You are so good at these short fixed form poems. Rene	2003-09-21 18:19:10
Brushed By Death	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, The title of the poem caught my attention, as it is facing death that ultimately seems to bear fruit in strong poetry. Before I lose track of it, did you mean "at" instead of "as" in, "Unsure as this time if I could take a breath" ? The metaphore of the tapestry is excellent and works for the poem. The language is mature, the couplets rhyming in the stanza's. I particularly liked, "A resonates of hope's dream still played Unquenched and insatiable while in flight". This speaks so well to the drive towards life we have, and I am so glad it was strong in you! Until now I hadn't known you were ill. I'm glad I found out only after you had turned the corner into recovery. The last two lines can summon up my belief's also. Thanks for the poem, Rene	2003-09-21 18:13:50
Taste of Life	Dawn Parker	I can read this poem several ways. It can be seen as the development of two people through the trial of life that then come together in a deep and mature relationship. It can be read as the developement of a single person's relationship with themself, which matures over the years and under self scrutiny. The metaphores of nature in this poem are wonderfully put together, as the title gives us taste, and the dish of life is grown through the seasons of our lives. The imagery is excellent, the poem flows smoothly and it seems obvious to me that a great deal of work has gone into the crafting of this piece. The power of the movement grows through the poem in the use of imagery. "The dish of wholeness", whether it is a joining of a soul with the Creator, the joining of two humans in a relationship, of the final understanding, merging of the individual parts of one person, is very special to me as a person and a reader. I don't see how it could have been done better. I do have one question. My mind is telling me that this is one of the lesser used fixed forms, but as my workbook is at my workplace, I can't name the form or check it. Am I correct in thinking this? Thank you for a really good piece of writing. It was a privilege to read this and see how you put it together. I hope I have the gift of reading more of your work, Rene Fraley	2003-09-19 15:06:24
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This is lovely. The imagery is consistantly themed, is easily pictured. The poem sounds good when read aloud, and I particularly noticed the alliteration of First stanza: "deep-w-draws dabbling ducks" Second stanza: "Ring - run - rays" Third stanza: "shy, swiftly, sight - thicker thorny" fifth : Flee - flaring " The only thing that caused me to hesitate as I read was the final couplet which seemed to me to be somewhat separated from the rest of the poem, perhaps because of the "will be" which changes the Time somewhat or perhaps because there is no neat "Tying up" of the poem. This is good observation as Nature doesn't tie things up completely ever, does it? Thanks for the wonderful imagery, Rene	2003-09-19 14:33:22
Sole Mates	Rick Barnes	It was a surprise to me as I came to the end of the poem, even though I had noted the "sole" in the title. The imagery in the poem is good, the poem flows very well, the humor is good, and the last stanza had real impact. The rhyme is mostly consistant, and I didn't catch a consistant meter. I enjoyed this poem, particularly the first two lines, which fooled me into thinking it was a person under discussion at first. I had difficulty reading this poem aloud though, and perhaps it could be smoothed out a little? Thanks for an enjoyable read, Rene Fraley	2003-09-15 19:05:04
The Complications of Life	Erica L. Badger	What a wonderful poem of transition from youth to maturity this is! The poem is rhymed and sometimes metered, and moves well from start of the message to the end. The obvious facts of "life is unfair" are well presented and se see the development of the poet or poet's subject as she comes to realize "what is" instead of what we think "should be." I like the honesty of this poem. I would suggest that, "When eye to eye we cannot see." might be re-written to sound more natural. Perhaps the word "agree" would work in the rhyme scheme. I hope this young writer keeps on writing! Rene Fraley	2003-09-14 13:43:02
Silhouette	Andrea M. Taylor	I love this one! The form is met for a Haiku but due to the subject I thought it might be a Serenyu (I don't know how to spell it. Sorry!) The nature image is presented so the reader can see the tree in his/her mind, the spower of the storms implied by that image, and the twist in the third line was a surprise to me, but seems as if I should have expected it. I am reminded of a poem whose title and poet I can't remember about reeds in a stream or lake edge that survive when the great Oak falls. That image has been with me most of my life as a real teaching about life, and to me this poem is surving the same purpose. Thanks Andrea. Rene	2003-09-12 15:16:49
Poetic Linkage	Terrye Godown	The form is met appropritely. The conceit is fully realized. The poem flows, the images work. What more could we ask? I particularly liked "Inspiring unrecognized talents" which is so central to the link. Thanks, Terrye. You must have had a good vacation! Rene	2003-09-11 20:12:05
Crucible Of The Towers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, What can one say about a poem like this except that it says what it has to in the way it has to, and that is exactly what it should do. Thank you so very much. As a poet I applaud your use of space for impact and for mirroring what the poem is saying. Rene Ftaley	2003-09-11 20:01:27
Love is a Trapeze	Denise A McCroskey	I like this poem. The imagery is quite good, the sentiment is very well presented. Mostly I love the sense of wonder that I feel as I read, "How beautiful is the dance of two artists " There is something about the simple, honest expression of wonder or awe at what we see in other's that always gets to me. I did wonder why they are in a labyrinth, which I always think of as underground in feeling. Is there a connection, or is it simply that we are all working our way through the maze of daily living? At any rate, thank you for sharing with us, Rene	2003-09-09 17:32:34
Lunar Spoofs	Joanne M Uppendahl	I really like this poem Joanne! It is clever, moves (flows?) along smoothly, the imagery is wonderful. I went back and re-read, trying to find a favorite line or stanza, and am stumped. In stanza 1, the imagery is mystical and i loved it. In stanza 2, the imagery is more concrete, but still magical. In stanza 3, the humor brought a light touch to the poem and a smile to my lips. In stanza 4 I was entranced with the thought of a solar system spin cycling moon and in stanza 5, the homor returns, the joy is felt and honestly, I was dissapointed the poem ended. I wouldn't change it but I would like to know if I'm correct in thinking that the next to last spin is equal to the next to last phase? Did I get it right? Thanks for a lovely read, Rene	2003-09-09 17:23:41
Drivin Me Crazy (No "G" intended)	George L White	Interesting and funny story which moved forward fairly well. I was confused by the "three on a tree". Is this a standard drive or a car waiting to blast off as the starting lights cycled? Also, "Seemed / like steered a boat not a car" was cryptic to me. The tale of the large woman who wanted to drive and had no licence was well told. All in all it is a funny story but maybe a little too coloquial for someone in their sixties. I enjoyed reading, had a good laugh, and that's what counts. Rene	2003-09-07 15:48:40
My Hero and Star	Susan J. Certo	There's always something special about a love poem.This rhymed and metered poem tells a story of love with good flow throughout. There is a typo, "marr for mar" (if my sprlling is correct). I particularly liked the way the poet establishes the length of the relationship, "we're no longer teenagers" and lets the reader know this is a mature relationship. "I miss you so much, Do you have time to talk?" This is the point which makes the reader wonder what has happened to the relationship. The poet goes on to say how much she loves the subject of the poem, but one continues to wonder why the separation. I just like this poem. The voice rings true. Times today separate us by "busy-ness" until we lose track of what is important and why we are together to begin with. I have no suggestions for change except to fix the typo, Rene	2003-09-07 15:36:07
Freeway	Rachel F. Spinoza	Really good one Rachel! Contrast is a tool that is used well in this poem. "Here", says the poet, "in this place of lost dreams and desperation, wonder and hope still thrive in the mind of a child". The imagery in the poem portrays a place of desolation and perhaps maddness, which is in stark contrast to the excitement of the child's voice. The pillars are painted with contrasting red and blacks, the speech pattern of the rag man's "gotyou" is in contrast with the speech pattern of the child's "Lookmommy!" The whole thing works together to give the child's voice and his wonder more strength. I think this is powerful writing. Thanks Rachel Rene	2003-08-31 19:08:31
PEACE AND SO MUCH MORE	George L White	Hi George, I like this. The poem is metered and rhymed, the imagery is very clear. The message of the poem is well presented, the flow is good throughout. Strictly speaking, the first line in the third stanza is one foot short of meter, but overall the meter is generally consistant. I particularly like the messege of this poem, and the use of nature to point out a psychological truth, for it is in the description of nature that this poem comes to life. I do have a question about the use of "passed". It is used both as passed (as in on?)and as in "past". It was done this way too many times to think it was a typo, so I'm nosy as to why. This does give the reader a sense of things unspoken. Interesting choice! Rene Fraley	2003-08-31 09:39:56
Waiting in the Cradle (revised)	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, Your poetry is always deliniated so cleanly, as if you are using a drafting pen. Is this a particular form of poetry? I particularly like the way in which the reader is led from a detail as specific as a dimple in a baby's knee to consideration of her potential power to change the universe. This movement from the tiny detail to universal consideration is surely the mark of a mature writer. I do not know the refference to "Cleopatra's nose" which inhibits my understanding of the poem, but the sound of it is interesting. Thanks for a good read, Rene	2003-08-29 22:25:42
Doppler Effect	Joan M Whiteman	The title of this poem caught my attention, and the story held it close. I particularly like the imagery in the poem, it is not overblown, garish description, rather finely drawn with delicate shadings. for example, "How many rainstorms have since saddened her soul?" Time, the poet says, has passed measured in increments of rainstorms. The tone is set by these lines. The use of water images continues with, "like a silent river" and more specific, "searing sweat". Powerful! The final stanza the imagery works to join title (wavering, fading sound) with the forgotten marriage vows. The poem reads well. The only lines that struck me as a bit out of synch with the rest of the poem were, "A kiss goodbye should be a memory, not an experience." It sounded judgemental to me, which doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but that is just me. I really have no concrete suggestions for change as this is well written. Rene	2003-08-28 20:21:52
The Law of Mercy	Darlene A Moore	I find this beautiful. The concept of true forgiveness for the most horrific of of deeds, the betrayal into crucifixion of Jesus by Judas,reassures each of us that though we regularly betray the people around us by seeing them as other than of God, we will be forgiven by a power greater than we can even conceive. In this poem, Judas is given a new life, and isn't that a beautiful concept? I really can't think of a correction to make, except to ask if there should be a comma after "skeletal". Thank you for this poem, Rene	2003-08-24 14:23:47
Soul Mate	Mell W. Morris	I like this. An honest poem, speaking of that which is most important (to me, at least) the honest expression of our emotions in verse. To know that we are not alone, that there is a kindred soul who can truly hear our soul's voice amid the noise of our lives, is invaluable. The spirit of man shines through in verse with incredible richness of language. This poem vey richly presents the thoughts of the poet in a way which mirrors the meaning of the poem itself. Thank you for a thought provoking poem. Rene	2003-08-23 19:26:48
HOBO JUSTICE	Mark D. Kilburn	What an evocotive poem this is. I grew up hearing stories from my father and grandmother about the hobo's who would come to the house looking for a bit of work to be paid for with a good meal, and maybe a night spent in the barn. Those were hard times, and the hobos, though homeless and poor, were for the most part men of integrity and always worked for the food or monies they sought. This poem describes the Hobo as my family portrayed him and shows respect for the men they were. The poem moves from description of the hobo to the passing of the hobo and then past death to an imagined better world for them. I found the sense of freedom well encapsulated in the final three stanza's. The image (leit motif?)of the ghosts and dancing serves to pull this poem together and give its subject a certain unusual beauty. Wonderful imagery! Thank you for the compassionate trip to the past, Mark.	2003-08-16 20:38:51
Let Us Protect You	C Arrownut	I like this! The imagery in this poem is easy to picture, the emotions are well portrayed and the humor is welcomed. I was picturing a futuristic society with dust-bunny police stalking the hapless public. And enter the rebel, stage left, who charges about taking impatient swipes at the dust in the carpet and damning all of THEM who demand cleanliness absolute. The final twist when the vacume bag explodes had me laughing aloud. On the serious side, to get as much action and imagery as you did into just a few lines is commendable. Thanks for a truly enjoyable poem!	2003-08-16 20:25:00
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Irene E Fraley	Critique Date

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