Irene E Fraley's E-Mail Address: battlejo@warwick.net

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Irene E Fraley	Critique Date
No Use Trying to Forget	madge B zaiko	Hi Madge, This is a very powerful poem and it spoke to me clearly. The pain you are in (or were in) is so raw in this poem. The use of repetition really works to not only hold this poem together, but also to give more punch to the emotional tone. I have no suggestions for change. The form you are using works, the poem flows well and circles back with the repetition. Good writing. Rene	2004-01-02 18:40:56
Mastering My Illusions	Michele Rae Mann	I have to approach this poem from my own history. After several readings I find the poem very interesting indeed. The use of space seems to mirror the emotional conditions being described. The lines begin in a rush, and are lengthy, and then, like a person coming out of a nightmare with a rapidly beating heart that slows with coming to full consciousness, the lines shorten until the beat is one word, steady and regular. In those moments as our unconscious shouts to us without the veil of organized thoughts and creativity is at its height, we conceive the poetry living in our mind's subconscious. Fully awake, the poem retreats from the conscious mind into the casm of the subconscious again. I think the job of using the form to create the art has really worked here. The lines of the poem lengthen at the end signaling (I think) a return to a normal conscious state. There is a second way of reading this poem, one of the experience of a dissociate, a manic-depressive or severely depressed person being returned to a normal state by medication, which (to my mind absolutely horrifying) unfortunately flattens the emotional responses and with that flattening, kills creativity. I really respect this poem for its versitility. I hope you will tell me what it means to you, as it certainly is interesting! Thanks for the memories... Rene	2004-01-01 11:34:45
Country Pumpkin	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, I found this poem really enjoyable. My husband used to hunt, but thank goodness, kept it to deer in the woods in season. I wandereed back in time with this one as I remembered one morning at home when our cat chased our dog which was chasing a squirel around my bedroom while I cowered under the covers with the pillow over my head. If you could have seen the huge gouges that squirl out of the wood around the windows in my room, you would understand why your poem gave me the shudders as I first read it. The poem itself moved well as I read it. I did have to re-read the part about the tub and shooting, as I couldn't quite picture it. I particularly liked the fact that you put in the current day solution and Mr. rabbit's escape. Thanks for an entertaining read and a revisit to the past... Happy new Year! Rene	2003-12-28 11:51:47
japanese verse 35 (Manger)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Oh Thank You Erzahl! This is beautiful and just what it should be. Don't change an atom of it! It isn't often here that a poem brings tears of gratitude to my eyes, but your haiku managed to do it. The simplicity of your verse says so much in such a little space, but then again, your subject holds so much in such a little body. I think He would be pleased with this offering, Blessed Christmas to you. Irene Fraley	2003-12-27 19:36:48
POP	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, There is so much here packed into so little that I am amazed. I doubt that many will have a clue as to what it's about without the notes, and I'm sure that many will turn it off as soon as they read the first few lines, but for those of us that stick it out and really study it it is an amazing piece. I'm going to print this out and work on understanding it. Poetry like this always intrigues me, and I can see where someone would associate this with the 17th century poets with their "universal sensibilities." Thank you for poesting this. I couldn't write like this with my life at stake, but anything that brings to mind "The Tale of the Rood" as an unconscious association should be more closely studied. Have a wonderful Christ's Mass, Rene	2003-12-25 12:07:13
ANGEL	housam majid jarrar	Hello Housam, How nice for me to see a new name here. New to me, anyway. Welcome! As a poem this reads well. I thought the use of space was done well. There are some inconsistancies in the capitalization of words in the third stanza, as "I" is sometimes written in the small case letter. am assuming these are typos. I don't know if this is a help, but someone I once told me one should always try to end every line in a poem with a strong word. One word at end line in this poem struck me as being a little weak. The word "for" does not help the poem at line's end. A simple change in line break would most likely make the poem stronger. Try it, it might work. The poem speaks to a universal question addressed by all human beings. Who am I and why am I here? One needs to answer the first, and the seond pretty much answers itself. My own view is that why I'm here is not my business. I have to assume there is a reason for existance and simply do my best to treat others and myself as well as I can each day. Who knows? Maybe the reason I am here is to answer your question, and if that is it I am content. I keep hoping that part of my being here is to write a great poem. We all have our dreams... Thank you for posting this. No doubt you can write, and I hope to read more of your work! Rene Fraley	2003-12-25 11:48:50
Tinkerbell was a Bitch	madge B zaiko	I like this! I particularly like the intensity of realism in the language. This poem is alive and very clean limned. I think it is very hard to write a good poem using dialogue. Using it well is even harder. The first person works in this poem because it is freshly honest in its voice. The use of repetition reminded me of some of the old songs of the 30's. It tends to hold the poem together and gives it a lyrical sound. Thanks for submitting this one. It was for me a very good lesson in remembering how something different can be done in poetry and really work. Take care, Rene Fraley	2003-12-23 19:54:02
Me and I changed to You	Michele Rae Mann	Hello Michelle, I didn't quite know how to read this poem. It does read well aloud, but the who of the you, I and me is confusing. This reminds me of the inner conversations of someone with a dissociative disorder. Learning the who of who we are is always a powerful action. If this is about a relationship, lover to lover lost, it is also a strong poem. I like poetry that makes me stretch when I read it. I hope I read more of your work. One thing that did occur to me as I was reading was that the partial punctuation was confusing to me. (I tend to be an all or nothing gal.) Have a wonderful holiday season! Rene	2003-12-23 19:45:35
Poetry (in the Tradition of Science)	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Great imagery Jordan! The flow of this poem is very smooth to the mind and mostly so to the tongue. I enjoyed the way that science and emotions seemed to flow as one. The third stanza gives the reader a sense of being let in on a wonderful secret by a personal friend. This stanza also tells us much about the poet. The last 2 stanzas are wonderful. I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for this gift! Rene Fraley	2003-12-20 19:05:33
Goblet	C Arrownut	I identified with this poem. I thought of the crowds of shoppers and that feeling of loss that can come with the realization that somehow Christmas has turned into a holiday that has left the Christ out, as well as the mass. The loss of the spirit of loved to the spirit of averice. It becomes more important to celebrate the purchase of the perfectly popular toy than the birth of one human said to be born perfect. I particularly liked the play on the word "maul" which is a terrifying instrument, and act of slashing and sounds like the "mall" of the shopping sort. It's that time of year again, and lest we forget, there in the mall, also resides a multitude of folks that are just happy at the thought of giving to another. Thanks for the poem. It does read very well and has excellent focus and flow. Rene Fraley	2003-12-20 18:57:48
As to the Site of the Preservation of Memories	Thomas Edward Wright	What a beautifully crafted poem, and how true to reality. This poem reads well, is emotionally touching without being overwhelming. What impressed me was the restraint in the poem which seemed to intensify the feeling of loss and grief. The poem is easy to follow for the most part, although I did have to re-read the part about the stone and also re-read some of the early stanza's: the bats, for instance. The thing is, none of that detrcted from the power of the poem. The mind is often like a tennisball bouncing off a backboard in the way in which it flees into other associations when the thoughts of the pain get too burningly hard. My thought was that this poem is like a fine wine, in that it has to be savored slowly, examined and tasted slowly in order to appreciate the skill with which it is constructed. On a more personal note, there is (to me) no loss greater than the loss of a parent, and I identified with this poem more than was comfortable to do. The title of the poem is perfect in terms of language and emotion, and ties the poem together very well. This is the kind of poem I love to read as it is both life and art. Rene Fraley	2003-12-16 21:30:20
Caroling	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I really enjoyed this poem, as it brought back good memories. I think it's particularly clever how you used the titles of the carols as an integral part of the poem. I particularly liked, "girl scouts talking, parrot squawking dolls in chairs, on the sofa, and the stairs" which had the kind of detail that made the home memorable to me, and gave the poem a reality that worked. The poem has good flow, and the imagery is bright and easy to picture. I thought the last image, the "wispy air of yesteryear" is particularly good. Thanks for sharing your memories with us, Rene	2003-12-16 21:04:41
Boxes	Michele Rae Mann	What a lovely conceit! I love the thought of the dreams waiting in a limbo of the future to be developed, brought to life. The poem moves well, has good flow forward and the use of language is mature. The wonder of who or what we will become in the future is one that haunts us all, I believe. Good writing, good poem. No suggestions as it works as it is. Rene Fraley	2003-12-15 19:03:41
japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzhl, Repetition of the word star is the most obvious in this poem. I counted 9 in the poem's body, 1 in the title. I tried to get the tenth in the poem's body, but couldn't find it. When one reads this there is a plethora of stars which makes reading aloud sound very harsh as the "st" sound is something of a punching sound. (Percussive?) I tend to be very concrete in my thinking, so the imagery didn't work for me, but the idea of writing this poem in this way really impressed me. You are stretching your abilities more and more, and that is a good thing. Also, this poem had me thinking, really thinking! I counted on the diagonal, backwards, up vertically, looking every which way for the tenth star. Then it occured to me that Christ could be the tenth star. Thank you for agitating my brain cells. (They need all the help they can get these days.) I really enjoyed reading and working at this poem. Rene Fraley	2003-12-14 12:59:44
Snow ( A Rondolet )	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, You certainly did a good job! I like the poem very much. It meets the form of a rondelet, and flows well, leaving the reader unaware it is meeting a form. The imagery is excellent, and it's hard to believe you are not normally conversant with snow. I liked the metaphore of "white feathers" as snow, and the only question I had was if feathers and/or snow "flows". It just caught my attention. I particularly liked the image of the snowflakes whirling about as the wind wailed. I think for a first try, this is at a college level:) Keep on writing them, you're good at it! Rene	2003-12-10 18:08:30
What you gave up and Desire (two poems)	Kimberly A Butterworth	Hi Kimberly, What strikes me the most in these poems is the way in which the meter works to give power to the meaning. Both these poems ask very basic questions, and the rhyme in the poems seems to give them extra punch also. I rarely question meaning in a poem, but the last two lines in "No Desire" seem to be contradicting the rest of the poem. Perhaps I'm reading it incorectly. Both poems seem to have good flow, and sound well when read aloud. I did wonder why the lines, "Happiness. lasts. Desire. does not." were punctuated the way they were. It did work to make one stop and re-read and think. An enjoyable read, Rene Fraley	2003-11-24 16:08:55
The Wall	Sergio M chavez	This is an interesting poem. One sees the inner workings of a mind deciding if life will be bearable if one lets go of his/her ability to dissociate into a safe place. I did wonder (after reading the notes) if there was another method of Self protection or numbing going on. Speaking as one who has been there, I can only offer this: Believe in yourSelf. You can cope with life. Listen to your poet's voice and write, write, write! This is a much easier poem to follow than any of yours I have previously read. Wonderful growth is shown here. The imagery used gives much more power to your meaning. Keep on writing! Rene	2003-11-23 12:20:14
Winter Night (revised)	Debbie L Fischer	Lovely poem Debbie, The gentle simplicity of this poem really works to set both mood and image easily in the reader's mind. The poem flows beautifully from start to finish as read aloud. The use of space is very good. As I looked at the poem I thought of the corner of a window curtain, parting to give us a glimpse into the poet's life and/or thoughts. The coming down to the one word also works to re-enforce the love you showed us. The contrast of the storm outside the house, and the warmth inside works well to give a gentle glow to the imagery also. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Rene	2003-11-21 20:25:41
Tsa-ga-gla-tal	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, You've done it again! If there is any doubt that less is more, this should put a cork to it! The simplicity of this poem, the beauty of description all work together not just to pain a scene, but also to set a mood and maybe say something about the necessity of the full cycle of life in this world of ours. In the first stanza the moon almost becomes personalized as she watches the world. This provides a tie in with the end of the poem and the title, as the racoon mirrors the moon, thus tying the poem together. The flow of the poem is smooth, and I was facinated at the description of the racoon. The contrast of the massive body on nimble feet, dancing again (for me) echoed the moon, which is massive nd yet silky in her movements. I particularly liked the way in which you ended the poem, which lets the reader know there is more to come. The raccoon is asleep only and there will be another spring. I see so much in this poem that speaks of the wonderful way in which you work to put your personal life into the world about as you deal with nature in all her aspects. The echo (again to me) of your loss and reluctant acceptance comes through to me. I love the simplicity of your writing, which holds so much more than is apparent. Loving thoughts go out to you, Rene	2003-11-21 20:15:51
Border Clash	Thomas Edward Wright	Hello Thomas, This is very well written. As a reader I was impressed with the imagery, the smooth flow of the language, the movement across the country impells the flow of the poem. The imagery is vivid, clear and origional. I have to confess that I'm not too sure who is going exactly where, or why, but I honestly don't care. The sound of the poem as read aloud is almost hypnotic. I really don't see any reason to change this at all. Rene Fraley	2003-11-19 19:13:21
Be Silent	Debbie Spicer	I like the simplicity of this poem. It says clearly what it wants to and does not have the feel of "preachiness" that can be so deadly to some poems. The repetition of "Be silent" works to tie the poem together and to give it a certain power and strength. The sense of hope that comes at the end of the poem is a climax following the first two stanza's which say, "Listen, Learn, Let go." The final stanza offers hope for peace at last. The language is mature and the writing (and perspective)also. The end rhymes are consistant. The poem reads well aloud and has good flow. I see no reason to change this. Rene Fraley	2003-11-17 19:34:01
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	This is somewhat abstract to me, but it reads well, has a tone of shadows and fear. I thought of the disoriented, dislocated multi-imaged thinking of a schizophrenic. This could be the way he sees himself as he writes in his head or on paper a story to try and tell who he is, and he is losing the battle and parts of himself. It is my history that causes me to read this poem this way, and perhaps you have a totaly different meaning in mind, so forgive me if I'm in outer space on this one. The tone of the poem is so well done. The feeling that a person is dissapearing in front of us due to what? I also thought of Alzheimer's disease in which a person is lost bit by bit. So very sad. I liked the poem and it reads well out loud. I weish I knew what it was that creates this shadow tone. Good writing! Rene	2003-11-12 17:38:50
The Cross	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Wow! This is different from any of your previous I have read. The lines that I find the most powerful in the poem are, "drink / the cup." I think that his is a wonderful challange, and while I usually avoid religious poems like the plague, this I really like. It puts the emphisis where it belongs, and shows by its form the focus of the poem. I would suggest that you use the space a little differently and center the whole thing. Also it might work better if you put a little more space between the title and the body of the poem, as the cross functions better visually if it stands alone. Thanks for this one! Rene	2003-11-11 14:26:44
Origin	C Arrownut	Interesting poem. I'll try to understand. This is about the differences between the vesion of the origin of life as shown by Nature itself, or as according to the Church. The Church is shown as dominating the scene, and yet it is directly under the bridge/church that is found, "in one spot on the river’s edge —nearly imperceptible— high weeds unexpectedly yield to white sand forming a mouth into the unknown." The Church is therefore shown as the protector of the entrance to true life (or True Life). This could also be about the creation of a poem, as the poem writes itself in the subconscious and then falls onto the paper, bound and restricted by the limitations of reality. However, if you search underneath, you will find the hidden meaning the subconscious is inviting you to locate. Now that I've committed myself, I'll most likely find out this is all about something completely different, but this is how we learn. The wonderful thing about this poem is even if one is not sure about the meaning, it sounds comforting as it is read aloud. I certainly wouldn't change this. For the second time today, I have had a valuable lesson in writing. Rene Fraley	2003-11-07 09:10:53
Point of Reference	Thomas H. Smihula	Again I have trouble looking at a poem without my history scewing the point of view. I see this poem as the search of a person to make sense of himself (his Self) and acknowleging that only when one integrates his past fully, can he/she truly understand the who and why of their personality. (OK, I admit that I sound as though I'm hanging off Mars, but there is where my history sends me.) I like the way the poem reads, but as I have a fairly concrete mind, I had a problem reaching the associations connecting each stanza. I always like to read your work, Thomas, as it presents a challenge to me and stretches my mind a bit more toward the abstract. This poem seems fine to me as is. Rene	2003-11-01 17:35:38
Haiku: Warnings	Darlene A Moore	Hi Darlene, I like this poem made of a triad of haiku. The poem as a whole imitates the form in that it has 3 verses of 3 lines each. The theme of nature is consistant throughout, The warnings given by animals and humans. The syllable count is met throughout, although line 2 in the second haiku has to be read just right to do so. It all depends upon how you say "forked". I like the way the emotions are represented by the animals and wondered if I should say seneru (sp?) or haiku. The imagery is wonderful and the poem reads well aloud. Nice work! Rene	2003-11-01 17:25:25
An Act of Fate	stephen g skipper	This is such a serene, sad poem. Acceptance is a very special state that tends to be illusive, but in this moment of poetry there is a stillness of soul. The deep love expressed in the poem is intensified by the simplicity of language used, and the poem has good flow. As a reader unacquainted with the situation, I feel a need to encourage you both, and a poem that developes that kind of response without being dramatic is in my book, good writing. I feel privileged to have read this. Thanks, Rene	2003-10-30 19:31:47
From Night to Morning	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, The imagery in this poem is lovely. While I think the absense of punctuation works for the poem in geneal, I wonder if having capital letters at the start of every line doesn't make it a little bit harder to "get" at once. That's a small mechanical change that might be made. The use of "Luna" and "Aurora" works to make the poem more personally interesting (I thought of Goddesses as well as moon and dawn.) For me the most beautiful lines are, The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way" What a lovely conceit! Thanks for this small glimpse of wonder, Rene	2003-10-23 20:15:24
I Ought to Autumn	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, I like the multi-layers of this poem, and the fine imagery. The metaphore of the poet as the season really works. The first stanza is echoed by the last, tying the poem together, as the poet consideres there is not much time left before winter (very old age or death) and like the trees the poet considers making the most of the season she is in. The leaves of Autumn become the defenses (against abandonment and loss?)whhich must be dropped to let life be lived, and risked for love. The imagery in this poem is really good and works for the poem on several levels. I don't see anything that needs changing, as the poem sounds and reads as if a great deal of skill has gone into shaping it. Rene	2003-10-19 15:03:25
Eight Dollar Dumb Dad	Paul R Lindenmeyer	I enjoyed this poem. The poem is unmetered and unrhymed, and reads well. The story was interesting to me and I was surprised at the $8.00. (In my day I got 25 cents for the week as allowance, and 15 cents once a week for ice-cream at school.) The one thing that caught my attention was, "Your school finally arrives, later than usual," Do you think it would make more sense if it read, "The (school) bus (van) finally arrives, later than usual," ? I really had to re-read this a few times before I understood it. Otherwise it's a good story. Thanks for the memories. By the way, Dad isn't dumb, simply not a mind reader! Rene	2003-10-18 18:44:00
a curious merriment	Rachel F. Spinoza	Great character development in a few lines. I can picture this person, if it is a person, being named Hope. The imagery is good, the flow is very good and the minimal use of punctuation works well for this poem. The stanza and line breaks are clean. I might change the line breaks somewhat in the second stanza, so the stronger words were at lines' end, (and this is strictly my personal prefference) but otherwise, I wouldn't change it. Good work! Rene	2003-10-17 11:12:58
japanese verse 28 (Rose)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	There's a lot in this haiku. The form is met. The metaphore of the glass of season sets up the final line. The last line works to pull the whole together. I particularly like this because it is so gentle and reflective. You have a lovely way of looking at the world! This poem actualy make the reader see, feel and taste the beauty of the rose. A lovely poem, with nary a thorn in sight! Good work, Rene	2003-10-16 10:05:28
Poem Title	Sergio M chavez	I'll do the best I can with this. If I'm reading this poem correctly it is about abuse, specifically sexual abuse, and perhaps another sort of physical and mental abuse. The reaction of the body is healthy, the abuse of power isn't. I have a strong identification with this subject and particularly appreciate the final stanza, even though it is but a part of recovery. As a poem, this reads well. The use of space is good, the imagery very well done. The presentation of the conflict of spirit inherent in such abuse is extremely well done. I wouldn't change this. Hang in there, Rene Fraley	2003-10-16 09:58:44
R&R	Jeff Green	I'm guessing at this. Is this in Iraq? The contrast to one resting in a palace while the women are getting their water in old gas cans amid the smoke of war (if it is war) is really striking. I love poems like this, that say so much in such a short moment in time and lines. The imagery is strikingly good: simple and clean and vivid. The poem reads well in the sort of musing tone that relaxes the reader into an unsuspecting state before hitting them with the one image that wakes them up to re-evaluate the poem. Well done! Rene Fraley	2003-10-13 11:32:12
Patched to Tapestry	Darren J Ledbetter	Hi Darren, I'll do my best with this poem. I read this, as do all readers, from the point of view of my personal history. I understand losing one's past in the effort to avoid the punnishment one assumes will come for past mistakes. The effort to avoid feeling the pain and shame of our mistakes ( and oft times the abuse of others) can cause us to block out the past. I am wondering if the patches are our efforts to re-write the past, and the parade is life? "The little tapestry I have was still to much to carry for my unbarring race against all that memory fails to do." I see this as speaking from the point of view of one who has forgotten his past and is trying now to remember. The tapestry could be read as the many part of the past that were too painful to remember. This could be the voice of a dissociated individual. As a poem, this reads well. It moves smoothly from beginning to end. There is a typo (to) in the last stanza which is an easy fix. I guess what I'm trying to say that this poem depends a lot on the ability of the reader to be able to understand the poet's history, and for someone like myself (very concrete at times) the poem is hard to understand, but not hard to like. Good luck with this, Rene Fraley	2003-10-13 11:06:44
My Muse	Donna L. Dean	I like this ! The muse is the all of potentiality, never tied down to a time-table, form, color or gender. This honorarium to the imagination is something I can really identify with. Why is it that the best ideas seem to come charging up to us in the shower? As I was reading this poem I found myself wondering if it was a transposed prose poem. It would certainly make a good one! The wonder of the imagination is that it is without limit, and keeps us filled with hope when life is downing us. This is a good musing on the muse. Thanks for sharing, Rene Fraley	2003-10-13 10:48:04
Role Model	Joanne M Uppendahl	Very clean Joanne! This revision is extremely well done. The only word that stopped me was "bobbled" which I associate with fishing equipment, so it took me a moment to re-adjust my thinking. I really don't have anything to comment on otherwise. It's funny, because if I remember the poem well in my emotion mind, I think I like the origional a little better. I don't have the origional in order to compare, but this poem is a very clen and precise presentation. It flows well. Thanks for sharing this, Rene	2003-10-13 10:32:13
Clouds and Curtains	Mark D. Kilburn	Hello Mark, This is very powerful writing. The poem reads well. It flows from one perspective to another smoothly, and accurately describes the flux of emotions when one is dealing with a disabeling or life threatening disease. As I read the poem I felt that the poem was about fighting cancer, and I identified with the struggle with depression and fear that you are facing. How wonderful is the human spirit that in spite of a disease that saps energy and medications that sap energy even more and cause you to feel even worse, still fight to maintain hope and the drive to live and find the sunshine. "When courage is needed I often steal it from the elderly and tenderly young victims who so bravely face the worst that’s out there, losing in the end but always smiling… I steal their omnipotent courage" This is so true for most all of us. We are supported by the example of others, and strive to emulate their grace. The use of "tenderly young" has impact on the reader. It is the child who leads in the world of the Shadow. The other line that impacted upon me very strongly was, "we have to feel bad before we can feel good." So many of us have heard this, hated it, loved it, hung on to it in fighting all sort of dis-eases; both physical and mental. Unfortunately, it is true. The poem is good. It shows the courage of a man fighting for his life in every way that is humany ppossible, and may help others to fight for theirs as well. It tells us in a wonderful way who is at the heart of you. Thank you for this poem and your power of example, Rene Fraley	2003-10-12 11:12:30
In Search Of The God Particle	Drenda D. Cooper	I like this poem for its interesting subject and the way science is made interesting. The new sciences of dimensions, strings, quarks, gluons etc are way too complex for me to comprehend, but this poem made some sense to me. Carl Sagon once said to me and other students at Wells, that every time science finds something that proves there is no God, twenty years down the road something else is found in that thing that proves there is a God. Surely the Universe and the Soul are two things that comprise an onion that Man will always be peeling. An interesting poem, Drenda, and one I enjoyed reading and thinking about. I do have one suggestion. Perhaps it would be easier to read and comprehend if you didn't stick with the capital letters at the beginning of every line. Good luck with this... Rene	2003-10-11 18:52:02
The Mountain Man's Mystic Missive	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, A lot of work went into this poem. The subject, man thinking he can out-do God or His will, is presented well (with the help of the old man of the mountain) and as each time period is presented, and each man tries to fight nature, the lesson is clear. Won't work! What we do is always temporary, as is the earth (and universe)and all things in it. Only God is eternal. The poem is rhymed well, the 10 syllable meter is mostly consistant. The images are clear, vivid and the message isn't pedantic. The history of the "old Man" was interesting to me, as I'd had no idea that so many people tried to stop the forces of nature. NH holds the spot that has held my heart all of my life, so the poem hold doubble interest for me. I don't know how you managed to make the face of the Old Man, but it is impressive to me. Thanks for this poem, Rene	2003-10-11 18:38:11
Rivers	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This Haiku is interesting in that it also might be considered a seneru. There is so much contained withing the lines. The rivers, like life, have the quality of both beginning and end. The river alwys stays the same as one watches it, and yet is ever changing. Does time exist, or did we invent it to help make sense of the world we must control by "pidgon-holing" everything. The poem meets the 5-7-5 form and I have no problem with it at all. Part of our problem as poets is, I think, that we have been locked into punctuation for so long that when we come to a poem like this we feel uncomfortaable as we read it. The punctuation that could be there, depending on placement, could change the meaning of the poem. I think this poem takes good advantage of the lack of punctuation. It frees the poem up to richer speculation. Thanks, Marilyn, for sharing this one with us. Rene	2003-10-10 09:20:07
After the Storm	Joanne M Uppendahl	Another lovely poem, Joanne. The imagery is very clear and creative. "Today the rain calls to me, blowing leaves, squalling sideways tears." The rain is almost personified, but what truly stopped me short, was the image of the rain squalling sideways tears. What a wonderful picture! The images of the flowers and the pots bring more vivid reality to the scene, then: "How free these fierce gestures, the giving up of what has been, the leaning into what comes next." Now comes the richness of the thoughts that give meaning to the scene. This is what the cycle of life is all about. The letting go of the past and the excitement and eagerness of looking toward the future. "leaning into" the future is an inspired phrase. Completing the cycle, the spider begins to weave her web again. There is a masterful evocation of many myths and archetypes in this last stanza, that raises this poem above the ordinary for me. Clarissa Pinkola Estess would be dancing to the spirit of this poem! (I hope I spelled Clarissa's name properly!) Thank you, Joanne. This one is a joy to me. Rene	2003-10-09 19:57:39
japanese verse 27 (Will)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, This seems different to me from previous japanese poetry of yours I've read. This is a senuru (sp?) in that it meets the form of a Haiku but is not about nature or using nature's imagaries. The message is clear, compressing an awful lot of information into a short space. It is amazing that you can put so much into so little! I like this poem, but I'm not so sure I like all the thinking it has occasioned. (I tend to be somewhat lazy intelectually.) Thank you for the mental workout, as this poem really did make me think! Rene	2003-10-09 19:40:51
Hymn to Autumn	Rachel F. Spinoza	I love the imagery in this poem, and the brevity of its lines, which seems to echo the season. This seems to be one of those poems which captures a moment in time which is not full of action or drama, yet pivotal in understanding a character. The poem moves well, reads well aloud, although I have to admit when I get to "Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain" This is so lovely that I find I have to stop and savor the images. Wonderful writing! The last stanza has something of the same effect, except in this case it is the landscape of the emotions that demands one walk slowly to savor the feelings. I particularly like the tone of acceptance and gentle love that I felt as I read. This is beautiful, and has such simplicity. Then again, so does the night sky in summer. Thanks for sharing this with us, Rene	2003-10-09 19:30:37
Haiku (Life a new)	Dan D Lavigne	This is beautiful. The poem is well crafted. Created by putting a series of Haiku together, the poem tells of so much more than of a man dying. The first and last stanzas (haiku) are reflections of each other, presenting in concrete form the essence of the cycle of life to death to life that the poem is discussing. Really good writing. The cycle of the seasons are introduced in the first stanza, reflecting the life/death cycle. The next stanza's introduce the situation and developes it, only to return to the turn of the cycles in the last stanzas. The poet has compressed the emotions throuh the form (which is well met)and the imageries presented. "Fear is beside me" what an image this is! "My life is slipping away." Helplessness, powerlessnes is here. "Craving dignity This is an emotion we can identify with. As I lie in wait for it Again, helpless. Silence as it comes" Question: Did you mean "silence" or "silent"? Otherwise, the only thing I noticed is a typo, (I think.) "deaths" should it be "death's"? or "Death's" This is really a fantastic poem, and one that touched me personally. Thank you Dan, Rene Fraley	2003-10-08 18:09:41
Blowin' da "Blues" otta da Horn!	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, I really enjoyed this. The form you're using is consistant, the message is clear, the language is good. This is fun to read, the form invites a chuckle as it sort of imitates Mame, popping in and about. The form employes lines of 3, 1, 2, 4. I'm wondering if this is your construct or a form I should have known. The use of space works. This poem really awakened a memory for me. I was reading "Auntie Mame" in a cabin in NH and couldn't help bursting out laughing. Tears rolled down my face as I read the part about Fox Hunting to my Dad. My Dad said, "I didn't know you had a sense of humor." That was the moment when my father began to see me as a human being, not a bothersome child, so this memory is special to me. Thanks for bringing it back out of the bowels of my brain's library. With much gratitude, Rene	2003-10-07 19:26:27
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Great image! I pictured a catterpiller and a pond simutaneously. The form is met. What impressed me was the gentleness of tone that you maintained throughout, without being boring. Good work! Rene	2003-10-04 19:43:13
The SWAG Method	Andrea M. Taylor	This poem has good flow, the language is mature and it certainly asks more questions than it proposes answers. The treatment of life as simply a biological happening with no spiritual content is puzzling to me, and I'm glad the poem addresses this question. The poet clearly states her position, which is a brave thing to do. I wondered about one line, "Why is it when it begins that is suspected?" Is "it" missing here, (after "that"), or have I missread the meaning? A brave poem, and one I shall re-read. Rene	2003-10-01 08:03:32
My Oil	C Arrownut	I'm interested in this poem. The imagery is really good. In only a few words the description enables one to see the destruction of the house. The painting becomes a metaphore for the poet in the poem. I think this is really good writing. There was one area I didn't get. "A thick black arrow running lengthwise across the canvas and tossing gold crosses, pink rosaries, and holy water aside." Perhaps it's a matter of tenses or punctuation, but these lines confused me. Did the arrow toss the crosses and pink roseries, or was the arrow simply bisecting pink roseries and crosses and holy waters already present? It feel as though something is missing here, and yet the imagery is excellent. The last two lines are very strong, and I wondered if this was also describing a marriage. Altogether and intriguing poem which for this reader asked more questions than it answered. I liked it. Rene Fraley	2003-09-30 17:19:16
Departed Spirits	C Arrownut	The use of environmental description used to set a mood is very well done here. As a memorial this is a wonderful poem, as you recount the things that are inextricably tied up in the memory of the departed. The sense of loss is well built by the list of things that are not there, the cats, he cats, the loved one. The dogs howl. "I can hear the shower no longer nursing him back to life after the night’s darkness;" I have to admit that this confused me, as I have a very concrete mind sometimes. I was impressed by this poem as it used physical objects so well to let the reader feel the emotions of the poet. Nice work, and I am very sorry for your loss. Rene Fraley	2003-09-26 23:02:46
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