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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Dellena Rovito	Critique Date
The Vow	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial Hi, I'm unsure of the vow. It's one you both made to love each other forever, but if ones gone to live fully alone. This is the idea I get. This poem expresses your deep love for him and how he's actually part of you. with each heartbeat you feel his soul and you miss him so. if two could be one, that's what it would be. I feel your love and your poem shares the emotion with the reader. How can a writing do more? Good heartfelt job. Fly high my dear... Dellena	2005-03-24 16:26:03
Especially in spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, Of course your loved. Everything is for us as we are to be for them. In this pie of love, all benefit the others in oneness! Realizing this, as you do is HUGH. burgeoning earth was good! I think the bee brush could be wayyyyyyyy better, don't you? really better tied into the ending! The poems of course is wonderfull.. Hit me in the head if I'm too mouthy. Hugs, Dellena	2005-03-24 15:44:50
Judging By the Cover	Mell W. Morris	Mell, You turned something interesting, into something glorious! Oh happy day! I sing/you sing/they sing/we all sing! Absolutely brilliant! Clothes make the man some say but for me it's all about the sound they bring. Poe with bells and tinnitus, Hopkins with his shook foil and the spoils of Heaney's poetry...going down, down digging, digging, no matter their rigging. But oh, how they sing! And you made this ring/sing/rock n roll. Clothes certainly didn't make this man! You always bring a GREAT sound. [darn/you are unequaled to me.] You have impeccable taste I can tell. And you brought the sound! Ciao good buddy. Dellena	2005-03-24 15:29:05
Through The Pain	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, What I see in this poem is the child of you. young-wondering, growing-seeing, older-dreaming/hoping, now-it's cold-no illusions left. Few words, but lots off emotion. It's growing up nose to window. looking through the window pane-pain! You sound like you've seen it all... It almost sounds hopeless. hope not. It's just another phase. Good imagery, my nose s wet and upon breathing, my window fogs up. Title's perfect. A very thought provoking poem. The font's perfect too/childlike. great job! Dellena	2005-03-22 17:13:08
PROMISES	Edwin John Krizek	Edwin, Hi, It feels to me like your saying, Life holds good so be positive. It seems to me your talking to your daughter. your examples feel more feminine; you can dream, fly, springs coming.and if night comes without [her] It's as if you want to gaurantee wonderfulness. For this one you love. Good visuals.....water/mountains/sky The poems a little unclear to me. I'm not sure what your promising whom what. It gives alot to chew on. Happy day, Dellena	2005-03-19 16:25:27
A Leaf Blooms In Maine	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Well put on your laughing hat! First of all a leaf is born/wrong time-premature. It is thought to die, but because of being noticed it was warmed with love. So it continued.... Reminds me of a child without love can hardly live..... That same leaf is somewhere leafing, Not leaf as we knew leaf But leaf being leaf after leaving, When leaf no longer leaves. Now this bit reminds me of everything changes from moment to moment until gone. Each moment is different from before so viewing would continually change. The time, the angle, the viewee, weather, emotion, neighbors, and it could never cease, the variables involved viewing that 'leaf'. Change seeims to be the idea I get.... always you write a thought filled poem. this is one to chew on. Hope your leafing too. dellena	2005-03-19 15:53:02
Whirlwinds and Tornados	Kenneth R. Patton	Ken, As high up is as low down as you go. Your spectrum is vast. Whirlwinds must be high and tornadoes low. Pretty 'right on' title. I like the lightness as ruffling your hair. The toronadoes tossing you around leaving you for dead doesn't seem quite so fun. It seems you have no safe harbor. So your basically 'hung out'on the clothesline of life taking what comes and dealing with it. You are pretty much right, that's whats happening. Noone wants to admit to it, it's scary and depressing cause we can't control the weather...and it does beat the alternative of being dead. this poem is flavor-full of being in typhoon country. even your high time is involved with whirlwind. I think I'd not capitalize my words, only at a sentence start. The first stanza could actually be one sentence. I think your poem was clear, showing your dilema of emotional flow. Good job, thoughtful, enjoyable to get into anothers mind. I'd hang onto my hat, in that country! dellena	2005-03-19 15:31:47
Monastic Surrender	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, Your writings are like a wake up/fly right call. It's quite a gift to attend a retreat and then share what you learned! It's probably a great diary type reminder for you also. Setting your will appart for the good of God.......how can a message be any greater? I always thought surrender to the will but consecrate is something I must chew on. thank you.... Your poem was clear and yet esoteric. The title apropo/although monostatic wasn't necessary to be in it. good job/great message, dellena	2005-03-15 20:22:08
On the Banks of Sweet Marie	Sean Donaghy	Sean, This reads like a song.... Should be a song..... It's quite lovely indeed. syllable count off a bit.....I revised this as an example. On the velvet banks of Sweet Marie,[9] where the purple violet grows,[7] where the magic of the morning dew[9] bejewels the bud [of the]rose,[7] we'll watch the waters washing stones[9] on the banks of Sweet Marie.[7] Reeds/recede are great assonances. Assonance occurs when the vowel sound within a word matches the same sound in a nearby word, but the surrounding consonant sounds are different. "Tune" and "June" are rhymes; "tune" and "food" are assonant. The function of assonance is frequently the same as end rhyme or alliteration: All serve to give a sense of continuity or fluidity to the verse. I think you have a delightful poem/song here. I think by starting and ending each stanza with Sweet Marie that lent it to the feeling of a love song. Good job, I'm going to humm this all day. Have a nice day Dellena	2005-03-12 18:15:41
Close Separation	John Dean	John, Good God I feel like I've been in the heat of your storm. You actually said what you needed to say. Quite honestly, in fact. But being a woman who loves a man, it's as if everything that was-wasn't. The bubble was bursting......She felt you were against her, wanting different in your life., And she is what she is as we are all what we are, no more, no less. It sounds like a man/going through a mid life crisis. [but under 30 is too young] We all would live our lives differently if given that chance. What is the author's meaning? He needed to change his life. What is the author's premise or message? The partner never 'heard' or 'understood what he was saying' Which in itself is a problem of communicatiion. Oh my what a time couples go through. I loved your rhyming, it never felt forced. The poem just rolled along famously....good meter. It grabbed your interest and held it tight, to the end! I didn't want it to end... I especiallly liked; The things that I've learned, the pages I've turned Will redefine time out of mind.[great] Close Separation defines the poem ok, but It could be snazzier. I also liked the way the words at the ending dwindled away to finally bereft! Great job. Dellena	2005-03-12 17:54:48
Pepe LePew	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, Really clever poem you have. You're Peppe Le Pew the skunk. A born romantic, and enthusiatic lover. With the huge ego. You say all the lovely things, my pretty, I love you, and bring her flowers and it never seems enough! If you could do more......like dance. In your heart and mind you ARE the great lover! You just can't show yourself enough. Wonderful job getting that. point across. I couldn't translate Mi Corazone? [so I could use help there.....] I especially liked, you making one clear concise point throughout, and the foreign wording was interesting. I think you did a remarkably nice job. The title was perfect.... I wonder what response you'd get if you left out the word skunk using 'character or the like....skunk almost is repulsive.... Glad you don't stink! Dellena	2005-03-12 17:19:08
Why We Sing......	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, I like this. I think we pray when we need. We are in crisis or we want calm. When we sing we sing in joy. The joy of being and loving and appreciative. It's hard to sing when sad but if you sing the sad turns to glad. i can only imagine the joy of Mr. Harry Stephens. It would have been an honor to meet him. your wonderful poem is a great tribute to him. I enjoyed ; Whispering wisdoms, while the Cassavant's timbre and thunder collide and coelesce with "largamente". You use alliterations; whispering wisdom/collide coelesce/resolute resonance resounding hearing, listening, leading, imparting Good job, title's great Dellena	2005-03-01 19:33:24
I Can hear Humming Bird Wings	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, You are looking through rose colored glasses. And that is great! I'll wager to bet as high as you fly happy/the direct opposite is so the low as you can go. Your depth of perception was altered [expanded]. It will never lessen. And may even get deeper. This puts you into an elite group. I've heard it said if we saw perfectly clearly, knowing, our sense of wonder and excitement would be gone. We would see the full reprocusion of everything.[and that would be tough!] Your poem is full of loving wonder and gratitude for what [is]. NATURE IS wonderfully described, sounds of leaves, morning, vermillion moon, thunder, clouds applauding, silence. Lots of alliterations; solemn, silence, sounds,soft sibilance' rhyme; lie-sky glasses-senses I think the titles intriguing The poem is good. Peace to you, Dellena	2005-02-28 16:46:40
Outside My Window	Patricia Gibson-Williams	Pat, Pooooo.......... You need a child as sure as the sun arises. There must be one on the horizon. There are so many children homeless needing someone to love. I believe someday your dreams will be met. Maybe not exactly how you think. But expect the surprise. It's kind of like gravity. It will flow that way if desired enough! Anyway your poem just reached out and grabbed both my child's heart and my mothering heart!I relived being a sweet young child playing getting married. And yes the mother at the window. The font, I believe helped it all flow so lightly across the mind, visually the page. The wording; sweet gum,giggling, spinning, dreaming, dancing,glimmers, gliding gossamer wings [lots of alliterations/ing/g's/songs she sings] The rhyming appears invisible; tree-me,cat-hat despair-there bride-pride,wings-sings. This all made the poem fairy tale light till the last stanza lines; She’s the child I dreamed of and prayed for; for years But I know that she’s not really there. I like your title, It could almost be inside-rather than outside. Best to you, Dellena	2005-02-27 19:13:58
A Different Prayer	Lennard J. McIntosh	Lennard, Alas as youth we can't wait to grow up. Celebrating every birthday hooray! Then we finally get there and are amazed at the work envolved to just make it. It never seems like we were prepared. Or things could have been so very differnt! I use to like clocks/what a fool I was. What's good for you, is you still have the ability to create with your poetry. That is a wonderful 'gift' you've been given. Keep writing....it's a saving grace. Good job. Go toss a ball in your mind.....I'll bet your pretty athletic! Then toss that ball onto paper. [a challenge for you!] sweat/muscels/tears/fears...... Best to you, Dellena	2005-02-26 19:16:49
Dreamer's Legacy	Jennifer Wilmot-Lavigne	Jennifer, I think this is a very nice tribute to your dad! I do wish nobody smoked/[I lost my smoking dad to lung cancer] but anyway....I know how comforting coffee and ciggarettes can be at a kitchen table. Pices/to Pices nice mirror effect. The way this is written, I think mirror could be in the title. Your sitting at the morning [mourning/good!] table. And him at the table. Good mirror reflection..... You show your missing him.....very well. I'm sorry for your loss. Writing does help as you say. Best wishes Dellena	2005-02-26 18:57:11
She-Who-Dreams	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, To me it sounds like the clouds are tear-ing over the face of mother earth! And the quilt blanket of stars her coverlet. And the mountains her upheld hands holding the moon['s?] I know you probably want the[she] to be you but this woks so well to me if it's the earth mother.. I SIMPLY LOVE this and to me one of your very best! Theres nothing pretentious or love stuff and yet deep caring for things more and bigger and better than yourself are hinted at. I'm sure I'm probably saying this all wrong but thats how I do..... I'm sending this to my best friend, fighting cancer, I think it's bigger than all of us. Calls clouds to tumble their soft tears on her waiting face for parched fields of grass[await? maybe?]. Weaves[ing?] threads of weather’s whirl and stir['s] into night, then makes[ing] quilts of stars. Only then, spirit mountains chant pale moons into the palms of her nimble hands.[outreached?] Just my revisions....the message emits we are one with earth. This is my forte' Peace Dellena	2005-02-26 17:34:28
verse 69 (Thunder)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl Espino, I'm not sure of evenfall/I just looked it up! Wow what a nice word for evening coming.... Terrific! Do you know something else that might be cool....electric lights sereande.. But I understand your d's dancing/distant/drummer. They're nice too..... This haiku stuff is fun/I can't do them, I have to always put my emotions in and that doesn't cut it. I like Thunder/the storm God's speaking. ANOTHER HIGH HAIKU! good job, Erzahl/what would be a nickname? Dellena	2005-02-23 15:30:04
Rights	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, Man you can pick a controversial subject! In the first stanza it's true. Our individual rights are slowly being taken. Riding a bike with a helmet. Everybody rode a bike without a helmet. We rode horses no helmet. I never even heard of head injury with either. It's a way to control the masses. Flouride in the water? [causes cancer]Someones whacko. Today what can you do without fear? Big deal we may die. yes, now what? I'm not into guns but it isn't right to not able to defend yourself upon attack. I think the main thing is intent and saneness. Then a gun is no harm. What happens when all the gangsters are the only gun owners. Police do what they d/what they can. I'd rather have an option versus no option. people believe such crap. You've got a conversation starter with this poem.[got me going] Titles Riight! Everything good.... We can kill with a look! I understand clearly your poem, I just want my free-ness too, Ciao, Dellena	2005-02-22 20:23:42
Silver Storm	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy hi, Your poem reads ‘well’ aloud. I liked the visual-ness. Trees agleam, layered crystal. Very nice sonnet. I like sonnets! They are fun. The one question I have is 3rd line first stanza. Is your sky ‘red hued’ [blushed] or winter blushed? I think winter. So maybe: Agleam against winter’s blushed sky and In pretzeled stems of crackled glaze--contorted-twisted-gnarled? Subject: winter’s weather Title: [does it add to the piece?]Silver Storm does add to the piece/tells what it’s about. Form/content [should compliment each other] does Rhyme; half-rhyme is fun not intrusive, assonance-glass circumstance, pays-glaze alliteration-burnished birch, alder lie layered agleam low, alder as agleam, poesy pays, still stunningly stands stems silver, brittle still stunningly Meter; perfect What is the author's meaning? Nature succumbs to winter What is the author's premise or message? Winter’s ice storm is beautiful What strong points does the author use to support the main point? Trees glass crystal/stunning woodlands Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Clear as glass What are the author's underlying assumptions? beauty of nature Enjoyable, Dellena	2005-02-21 17:41:17
With A Certain Humming In My Ears	Mell W. Morris	Hi Cupcake! This little light of mine, I'm going to make it shine.........make it shine, make it shine, make it shine. And 'shine' you do! The 'light' of you fills up the poem. And you shared with me. We're to write of what we know. Because we know it very well. I could write this as a co-poet. Your castle's as wonderful as you dream it to be. The most wonderfull side bonus is you've time to think, read, write. Many envy that time. I think man's troubles are not knowing how to sit still in one room. They never make time too contemplate. I believe the answer is 'balance' People in prisons actually become psyhotic. They live so long in an 8x10 room/even haven gotten out, they feel safe only in their small bedroom. being/anywhere or nowhere feels the same with your eyes shut and a good imagination. Your poem is good/easy to read/clear/ending with a smile. Pascal was quite an interesting fellow. [another quote] When we encounter a natural style we are always surprised and delighted, for we thought to see an author and found a man.Quoted in W H Auden and L Kronenberger, The Viking Book of Aphorisms (New York 1966). I enjoyed this trip into elsewhere....... Love to you, Dellena	2005-02-20 17:03:05
Politics and Prayers	Gene Dixon	Hi Gene, Have you ever heard of the 100 th monkey? Quote; - The Hundredth Monkey phenomenon is commonly cited as empirical proof of this astonishing theory. In the 1950's, so the story goes, Japanese scientists gave monkeys on Koshima Island potatoes. One day one of the monkeys learned to wash potatoes and the taught the skill to others. When about one hundred monkeys had learned the skill-the so-called critical mass-suddenly all the monkeys knew it, even those on other islands hundreds of miles away. Books about the phenomenon have spread this theory widely in New Age circles. Could be your esp I like rhyming. And you do yours very well. I’m impressed with the easy readability and easy to understand idea. Subject: Political injustice and a man with values Title: [does it add to the piece?] I think pretty good/could b more exotic? Form/content [should compliment each other] I personally would like 4line stanzas, to me it’s easier to read. Rhyme; full rhyming not intrusive, internal rhyme-hypocrisy-charity alliteration-senselessly-seek Meter; no unnatural stress on any word. But I think this line too long… Allows few shadows, fewer shades of gray. maybe; Allows few shadows and shades of gray. [dump fewer?] What is the author's meaning? Man’s unhappy with politics What is the author's premise or message? Prayers a personal honor is the recourse What strong points does the author use to support the main point? Water Pollution/castles built with shame/payment asked for each good deed Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Clear Good job, if only it could all change to rightness. Dellena	2005-02-19 18:29:43
Paper Planes	Jesus Manuel Lopez	Jesus, This is quite sad and almost black-white startling. The story is true and that just adds to the pain and sadness contained in this piece. Thinking of a family member via a paper airplane is too bad and yet it’s something nice too. Your son may not see or talk with him but you can help him know him. Speaking of him, writing of him [as this poem is] And by plucking up his planes. Your poem flows well when read aloud. Subject: Uncle’s death remembered Title: [does it add to the piece?] Paper Plane is good and obvious, but could be ‘bigger’ like this example: “Flights Precision Fold” Form/content do compliment each other/makes easy reading/like a paper, plane falling……….. Rhyme; no rhyme, assonance-revealed recipe, propelling plane past/by beaming/from frozen/never known……….alliteration assonance-white silhouette.[t sounds] What is the author's meaning? His son will not know his uncle. What is the author's premise or message? Misses his Uncle What strong points does the author use to support the main point? Drugs kill and ruined a young life Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Very perfectly clear What are the author's underlying assumptions? His uncle died before he lived as a family member possible revisions; white hands [good vision] silhouetted by [black?]grainy pixels [visual/black-white?] revealed the recipe for flight precision folds clean geometry the secret tear eighteen year-old tendons contracted and expanded propelling the plane past nude light bulbs and the sonic rumblings of Ed Sullivan landing softly [gently] today plucked up [great word use!] by beaming son[nephew]or [my beaming son] a modest legacy from a frozen teenage uncle never to be known except by [a] paper plane[or ‘s?] Nice job Jesus, Dellena	2005-02-16 20:39:43
Beneath the Lilacs	Lynda G Smith	Hi Lynda, I liked reading this aloud. It flowed smoothly. I like reading rhyming poetry, especially about nature. I thought your wording was excellent/not overbearing [have to research the meaning] type words, but yet smart, confident, fresh, and enjoyable thoughtful words that were perfect for me. I liked garden styx. I’m not thinking there need be any changes. Subject:A Monarch being born on a lilac Title: [does it add to the piece?] yes as the monarch’s on the Lilac limbs Form/content [should compliment each other] Yes it does. The slight shape [hinting of an almost butterfly] doesn’t detract from ‘the word’ Rhyme; was to me full rhyming, but it didn’t feel intrusive. Meter; It was great. What is the author's meaning? She found this butterfly cocoon on her lilacs and it brought forth thoughts of their birth passage. And the jewel-like wonder of them. What is the author's premise or message? She hated to have to trim the lilac and kill the butterfly. She loved nature… Do I understand or think it’s unclear? Very clear Except did the cocoon die? I think you ended it dying? What are the author's underlying assumptions? She hated to trim the bush but had no recourse. The breeze on stems full ore assist [was this ore? Or meant to be one? The poem was concise, no unnecessary words. REALLY Enjoyed this greatly, Dellena	2005-02-15 17:37:13
Pondering Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I'm trying a new way to critique/hope it's helpful. What is the author's main point? I think she’s mainly saying: the wet winter will be gone soon and she’ll be glad. The idea of this piece is to say: Even now in this weather life in the woods goes on.. Purpose: Showing awareness of forest life and how she feels about it. The underlying assumption of the author: is spring’s coming. No argument: for or against. support presented: fledging birds/spring wake robins My reaction: It is well organized, a little vague-here as if they know wake robins will still turn shades of violet as they shed petals, [I’m not sure what turns violet? Shedding petals?] There seemed to be a lot of ‘will’s’ in the last stanza. easy to read: comforting, like a walk in the woods. Good job! The shape didn’t harm the read, it possibly enhanced it. I liked the bottle green headed drakes. Enjoyable. My best to you Dellena	2005-02-14 18:41:48
Water Spirits	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, I think: What is the author's main point? The idea of this piece is to say someone/or many drown in the water because of cruel acts of inhumanness. [to be free?] maybe immigrants coming in boats? Purpose: The purpose of this piece is to show this person/or person’s all right or saved. ‘Sinking into the loving arms of ‘their’ mother.’ [mother earth-mother god?] The underlying assumption of the author: is a wrong was righted by God's saving grace. No argument or support presented for the piece. My reaction: It is well organized, a little vague, easy to read. Thought provoking. It feels like the sinking of a ship. Possibly wartime. Good job! my best to you. I tried a new way to critique on you? Hope you find it helpful Dellena	2005-02-14 17:58:46
Alone on A Beach	stephen g skipper	Stephen, This is a prayer......God is the sun, air, water, sand, breeze. and as the cold mist comes in. I am the sail boat, that you see with your god given eyes, [the body?] waiting for the day to carry you away. You think of me and I will of you! Interesting ending......think of me and I will of you! A different way to percieve. Sort of like live with me and I'll be a part of you. Don't know me, I won't know of you... I think he's bigger than us and he probably cares even if we don't. But your thought is pretty unique. I am the sun on your skin, drinking in the essence of you.[probably does as it drys up the moisture. Nice poem/good job. Your hearts in the right place. Dellena	2005-02-14 16:47:59
Stranded at a Signless Crossroad	James Edward Schanne	James,' I think what your saying is when you come to a crossroad in your life and theres no signs to follow/ no bread crumbs, you are afraid. Immobilized in knowing not what to do. Not being able to think or speak. A wolf packs at your throat. You pray to be revitalized and pull up your 'save'. Pretty good James. You pictured 'terror' quite well. Sounds like you know it very well... Good word pictures. asp/wolves/dark halls/plucked skull. Good poem/good job. Dellena	2005-02-13 16:23:10
Shakespeare Lining the Birdcage	James Edward Schanne	James, This is really original and so cute. [clear] The bird in it's cage reads of Shakespeare off the floors lining of paper. He spills his seeds/has his food/and splatters over king lear, othello, richard.... Screeching in elizabethan prose perched proudly posed. Darling poem. You should proudly pose for your wonderful poem and perfect most excellant job. A one of your 'best' Dellena	2005-02-10 18:06:03
Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a melody	Leo Wilder	Leo, I think this to be a grab bag of different thoughts.[the past put together as your particular memories] From Christ at Christmas, 3-dog nights to steel was king in Bethlehem killing sparrows with the smog. Elders shot craps loaning money at usurious rates, lepers were healed and the lame walked behind the dogwood tree. 'and the beat goes on' There's more music coming........I'm not sure if we'll hear it as a tune to whistle to. I'd sing a much different tune as to where I've been. Interesting poem, Dellena	2005-02-10 17:53:33
Lessons	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel, This is quite profound. You must have/or had a wonderful parenting. To teach a child to 'mourn' to me means 'to make it'. To be able to endure the not perfect times and to be ok! Which actually is the best thing to do in preparation for adulthood and independence. I think todays parents are misguided. Thinking to make their childrens lives better/easier thann what theirs had been is actually a dis-service. My father taught me how strive toward a worker’s world of peace [not how to make a picket fence behave or satisfy demands of massing dandelions] I'm unsure of this stanza. [help] Maybe to not conform/satisfying massing dandelions. And how can we 'make' anyone/or anything behave. Can't. But if each person individually works to that peace-filled end it's possable. ??? and you – you slapped me wide awake and taught me to attend the light [and not be only thinking of worldly realities/think of God] and listen for the sounds of life that bubble up in kneaded clay [we have the ability to shape our life if we pay heed] Tell me if I'm in left field. Very nicely gently got a good point across! MY Best to you, Dellena	2005-02-09 18:53:56
The Problem With Angles	Mell W. Morris	I am a thin, defined woman with sharp edges and I know who I am and where I am going. Since there are starting parts to each life, I like ['starting parts' is wonderful] to envision mine with a canny duende at the door [Duende-The ability to attract others through personal magnetism and charm.] [as you probably did!] and a smiling angel perched on a lampshade. God made me of Himself, another work of art [You are proud to be the person God molded you to be.] ]like many found on common ground, in fens [swamp-lands] [yet you are humble] or pocosins, near grasslands, high and low lands, or lone as a wife on a widow's walk, looking out to sea. God completes molding His last angel of the day and places her on the ledges near the nacreous/[mother of pearl like/pearly] gates. He tells her to play her harp for the one who knew she was coming here and whose halo fits squarely. Since [squarely-means goodly] the day of my birth, for the first time, I feel free. Now no one seems to stare at me since I lost my sharp edges. [I'm not sure if I can do this justice but I'll try........ The sharp edges could be your imperfections as a human being. As you've matured you've learned of this inner beauty and thus your edges are not sharp anymore] A great lesson we all can learn. I admire your unsharpness] Blessings, Dellena	2005-02-09 18:19:41
Right in the Rosetta Stones	James Edward Schanne	James, I must read it many times to finally 'think I know' what you said. I think it's pretty cool. I'm a rock lover for sure. language through osmosis sent rock to rock embedded in fossilized deposits meaning cements in sediment to clock a second tongue graveling its posits [the osmosis language of the rocks] time will tell its minutes in a whisper [they've got footprints/telling where they've been] sunken deep beneath interpretation [I lovvvvve this poem] repeated words never growing crisper sounding different in every formation [uniqueness of individual] common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight [sun] coupling communication's distance with a now in constant motion's hot flight burns the feet that try to hold a still thought change tells the hands what evolution's wrought [changes tells time of evolution] I am so pleased with this great piece. My favorite of all of yours. Tell me I'm right on. I am so no matter! It's like you lived as a rock! They are the earths music......mountains dancing across the earth! I so wish this was written by me. Your vocabulary was not so difficult and foreboding. LOVED IT! dellena	2005-02-05 19:10:37
My Hero	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, We always think it's better for the other. Cause it's not like that for me. So somethings wrong with me...... In youth we have pictures of what 'life' should be. And life never measures up. I was pretty cute in my youth and never knew it. From my perspective it was very tough going! It wasn't like the movies. Now I know different. One looking on would think I had the world by the tail. As you did......but now you've grown up! [that's good and bad!] Course we all need heroes to mimick. Good job. Dellena	2005-02-04 19:49:12
When We Die	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, All of us want to 'go to heaven' but noone wants to die to do it! It reminds me of bedtime. You hate to go to bed and finally force yourself. Come morning....you don't want to get up! You have to force yourself to get up? It's weird. I think your endings right. We must surrender to what there is for us. Our ability to control is quite limited! great thinking piece again paul.....[you could go on a bit more.....] ciao, Dellena	2005-02-04 19:36:00
Where To Now America?	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, You are right! Nothing's changed. And I wonder if it will. Or will it get to late. Society is such and that basis will not. Work/spend/buy/play. I remember when 2 paychecks wern't necessary, when women normally raised and mothered their own children. they were much too busy to go 'out' to work. today with such high prices for cars and property it's unbelievable. In the political arena, they really all go to the same school. 'what's best for the majority' Keeping their emotions out of it. There are cures for disease unavailable, war is population control. As is aids/hepatitus/cancer. As long as it doesn't affect them. To humanity, to money, to leadership or to love To east, to west, to intelligence or to ignorance To salvation, to destruction, to right or to wrong To honor, to shame, to peace or to war [this just about covers it all] choose humanity or inhumanity Choose selfishness or sharingg Choose destruction or salvation Choose honor or shamefullness Will we have peace or war. The hope for the world rest in our hands What are you doing for fun this weekend? you did a good job with issues that matter. Ciao, Dellena	2005-02-04 19:22:38
A Bowl of Cherries	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn,[cherry eater] You certanly took me back to my small town. Bigger than yours by a few more lights. No locked doors/cars either. In those small towns today it's different too. What you speak of was before drugs came upon the scene. And tv's influence just born. Your writing takes me along in innocense enjoyably and then cuts me off at the passage into adulthood! Then we all grow up........poo. Then we see what was there all the time. What is that the 'Buddah' said we're born, we suffer, then we die. on that cheery note I'll slip back into your poem. good job....... Take care my dear, Dellena'	2005-02-03 18:31:46
verse 36 (Ku Klux Klan) - revisited	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, You're such a 'young un' [your picture] to be doing so well with your haiku's. How long in this endeavor? I like your 7k's used to portray 'the klu klux klan'; Good thinking. Does killer of kaleidoscope mean different skin colors? I truly believe a normal person has many small prejudices. male/female rich/poor beauty/not brains/brain-less the haves/the have nots.....I think everything should be in balance. Calm, and at peace, accepting of our eachh wonderful differences.. but going to the extent white against black,europeans against native americans, germans against jews, and the inhumanity just rolls on into today. you'd think the clan would be out of business as the nazi's too, but I hear they're still here. You wrote a very thought provoking piece. Dellena	2005-02-03 18:15:21
Poetry's End	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, My second response..... I once posted and unposted a poem 7 times. Twas a mighty expensive poem indeed! I've seen only a difference in the title. I could be wrong. It was actually kind of cool. But I suppose we must conform. What tickles me is how familiar another's poem can become to me! I feel very intimate with your thoughts and wording of your poem. As if the essence of one is shared with another. So when it's said we're all connected/poetry does that job quite nicely... Or maybe it's your blessed way with your particular thoughts? I believe your Poetry's End has accomplished it's goal [for me], to be accepted and enjoyed. I find nothing to correct. You have a very kind heart, Dellena	2005-02-03 17:51:19
Narcissism	Debbie Spicer	Debbie, I think I'm drawing a blank here...... Narcissim is; Excessive love or admiration of oneself. The deadly misuse of bottled rage, poisoned [existance?]. Existence belly up. The storm taunts slaughter. Downstream, a torrent grasps its hazy wheeze. Left with torrid jaws of destruction and fish on a swollen shore. I feel this may define the tsunami. But I'm unsure what narcissim has to do of it? This almost sounds like a haiku. Limited wording/left to wonder..... Unusual, fill me in. Everyones so involved with their own pleasure they did'nt notice the problem coming? Are you fine? Hopefully so..... Dellena	2005-01-26 19:08:01
verse 68 (Parents)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzal, I think you should try another form of poetry. You have very deep thoughts you could expound on. And give more of yourself! Just a thought.' Now that you 'got this down'.......go on to more......and more. good poem/good imagination. dellena	2005-01-25 18:08:35
Boomers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, I don't think we become them........as they don't become us. Thank god. Maybe thats the variety in the spice of life. 'You took me back to previous days and the trip was good. Truman/Ike/Kennedy But somewhere time derailed us, and like our corn flakes, quietly sugar coated our reality. [so it will go down easier?] I think usingg stanzas would make easier reading. My best to you, Dellena	2005-01-25 17:26:54
I Remember You Dr. King	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, Very nice heartfelt writing. Perfect/one of your BEST! You covered his greatness well..... Thank God we have and have had some remarkable leaders. You told of him with honor. He should be so proud of you. dellena	2005-01-25 17:12:51
Seasons and Flight	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Again Mark, I like you bringing the seasons into play. And the other birds too. Hawks, crows, jays... I like reading rhyme,I like the go of the flow..... I like hummingbirds best.. I’d picnic in an aspen stand, feeding hummingbirds by hand; [I love this] Springs alive when winter dies, birds return to the warmer skies. Singing summer songs so sweet; seasons have their own heartbeat. [and this] Great going..... Dellena	2005-01-25 16:52:50
Yearnings Like the Lake's	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I just walked with you down the forest path. I know the passion you have for nature. It drips off and from your every word. It's as if nature completes us. Curves winding through glories of green, but as an observer apart from creatures of earth with limbs and hungers like mine, you are apart/but not/just different...... Owls in trees will throb with fervor I long for. You have the fervor.....now what? What do you long for? All my best your way...... Dellena	2005-01-25 16:39:26
Nature's Angel	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, You said so much about the humingbird! And theres even more to say. Blessed and breathing art Creating awe and envy Stirring thought and Seducing the senses With absolute iridescence I love hummingbirds.....as you show to. They are immpeccable. They are more 'perfect' than man. With more integrity too, I'll wager. I like your idea of them as angels. It fits greatly. interesting note; Hummingbirds have the fastest metabolism in the animal kingdom - more than 100 times as fast as an elephant! These small birds can eat three times their body weight per day, visiting hundreds of flowers to take care of their insatiable appetite. A thought from God Angelically flawless A WONDERFUL thought indeed.....by god and through you to us. Dellena	2005-01-25 16:27:39
Keeper of the Gems	Mell W. Morris	Mell oh Mell, You are so clever with your ideas. The bag of jewels/opals [praise for the ways of the divine] to be planted at this time of year......[when the depression of winters here?] You are an opal planter, with your every breath. I'm proud to know you.... Very nice work. d	2005-01-24 18:55:23
Dialectic Diadems	James Edward Schanne	James, hopefully; Dialectic Crowns The art or practice of arriving at the truth by the exchange of logical arguments. Opposition, jawing, to come to a fitting resolution. crowns made of differing remedys wear thin on heads swelling with ideas peace.... Dellena	2005-01-22 18:18:38
A Letter from Mother	Claire H. Currier	Hi sweet Claire, How wonderful a tribute to your mother and your father! You did a really nice job. One of your best. You took the reader into your heart and showed your deep love and how badly you missed them. You are blessed to know of such love. The star idea is close to truth/we are made up of stars/we are stars....... The ending of being with you always is so true. You feel her/sense her/she's really with you..... I'd put; Just wanted to say “Me Too” loves [to] Each and everyone of you......... God Bless Dellena	2005-01-21 18:36:39
From My Backdoor	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn Hi, Really delightful! I like the willful leaves sticking to trees. The sunbathed days is good! I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead [you can't help but fear that sun may not revisit] When everything goes away, you have to wonder if they ever 'were'. If God visited me today, I'd pinch myself in disbelief tomorrow. I'd question further later...until soon I wouldn't belive it at all.[I'm a fool!] Hope you fared well under surgery's strife. I loved your beautiful descriptive verbage. Great job and good health to you. del	2005-01-20 19:44:52
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