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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Tony P Spicuglia	Critique Date
in pursuit of happiness	Mark Steven Scheffer	I’ve given great consideration to most the philosophers, including Francis Schaeffer, C. S. Lewis, Saint Francis of Assisi, and the John Powell. (These are my four most inspiring). I remember reading (long ago) all the books by Basilea Schlink, and my hero Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in the end there happiness was a peace of spirit and steadfastness. It is inspiring, though I have never been able to sustain such dedication. Of the modus operandi being an ill fit; I have great ambivalence about the entire ambiguity. I do know this, regardless of the fit, left or right or right to left, or inconsistent metaphors The bad guys will be bad, and the good guys will try to be good, and the rest of it all is a reaction to the issues of both You make cogent analysis; but I think, aside- you are closer to the truth in speaking of the droll, everyday existence. For most people, happiness would be nothing more than not having to worry about it all, the bad are happy when bad, the good are anxious when not good, and the rest of us manage. Happiness being, as you prescribe; a state of mind.	2014-07-06 10:34:55
Three Friends	Mark Steven Scheffer	As I once said, as MC and DJ for a wedding anniversary where a 50th year celebration was happening. "I haven't a clue what that is like." It is true with the respect and camaraderie here. Probably; no poem I have ever read of yours transmitted so much personal angst, amid the beautiful sentiment. Well done.	2014-07-06 10:19:21
this is the end of the rainbow	Mark Steven Scheffer	Sir, you had me, so like a Bukowski feel to this piece, or Picasso maybe, I think- until you threw in the protestant leaders and the catholic rebuttal- however; seeing (to me) that these disruptions were color rather than substance, I concentrated on the substance. The abstract nature of the piece is so compelling because you link it to actual images of living. Most in a piece like this would trumpet inward emotions and thoughts, you capture those powerfully with external images that will elicit far different truths in each person. So well done. Of snow and rainbows; unintended metaphor I think. Of the poem for the girl, while watching the world from atop the hill; it didn’t get her to put out, but I’ll always have that friendship that never was.	2014-07-06 09:49:04
Love Still Wins	Joe Gustin	Business first, S1L1 (loss), S2L1 (loss), S1L4 (cannot- one word) Joe, I have to share that this piece has been written so many times, but so many who share the same. You interpretation is a pointed as any I have read, or written. Your last stanza taking “time”, “distance”, “emotion”, “departing and tether” all in a single thought winds the entire piece into the single basket of the moment. I appreciated the piece very much.	2014-07-06 09:37:40
4:00 a.m.	Mark Steven Scheffer	Poor Ilie, always catching hell for his histrionics! I wish I had a clearer view of the quantum finality of living. I appreciated the analogy of smoke rising / pope / becoming spirit like in dying, but I am never sure of anything spiritual aside from the scientific faith of faith itself. As for failing. Hah! Look at me here! Nevertheless; I remember (23rd psall notwithstanding) failures or not. I am far more liable to indict the diety on suffering, at least I know “I wouldn’t do it this way”, but mostly; Your piece allows for comforting. Success, (which seldom really is), or failure (which seldom really isn’t the whole story), I appreciate the touch of the soul that your piece allows. I can’t really say (other than Nastase), what the point is, aside from the abstract, nor why a sports coat façade is even in the piece, other than the point of living life in a series of outward facades hiding the inward turmoil, but it made me glad to have read it.	2014-07-06 09:30:39
Seventh Bridge To Cross	DeniMari Z.	Business; were it mine, I’d change “lived on” to “lives on”, to correct the tense and bring it to a current feeling. Deni, as with all loss, I feel for yours. That the impact of a child lives on, no matter how many years is as much a tribute to the person, as it is to the elasticity of life. Getting older, I find (somehow I didn’t expect it, weird) that I spend an inordinate amount of time at funerals- those close to me, and those close to others. However; nothing is the same as the loss of a child. You have brought us all along with you. I treasure the trust you place in us. I am sorry couldn’t reply earlier; you have probably waited. I do now.	2014-07-05 10:59:25
I So Want To	Joe Gustin	First off the use of “yore” and the homophone “your”. Wonderful! And the meaning, the being, the neediness in retrospect moves me as I read it. I know the feeling well, on many levels to revisit- magic. Love, and beauty- are so integral and the emotions stirred by that moment of knowledge, is incredibly potent. A beautiful piece, thank you for sharing that time with us.	2014-07-05 10:53:02
i met a genius	Mark Steven Scheffer	Splendid Mark, simply so. I have to wonder if the “stolen” piece is the impact the image had on you, (or the writer, if so) or is an actual, hanging in your living room oil. It really doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter if the entire piece is a self-portrait, a metaphoric illustration, or more, a simple abstract that is there to elicit soulful drivel from the likes of me. It doesn’t matter- because, as with the painting- this piece made a difference to me. I have been gone all month on business trips, with little time to play and absorb. This made the last minute indulgence, a worthwhile endeavor. I have also been reading a lot of Russian poets lately; so it is a bit providential to read this at this time. Thank you.	2014-07-05 10:47:34
Bubbles	Joe Gustin	Oddly, coming late to this critique; I just today watched a fine video of a show from a bubble expert – see link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryGMG06sd38 So, allowing for the absolute providence of the moment- gave me more inspiration to apprise the present situation and the verse I am reading. I don’t know about bubbles, I do know about bubble bursts. I have had them, everyone has had them, so the possibility of a person (or a persons “callout” maybe soul related), being a bubble, links with the human interaction and condition. Life (is that the riding on the wind?), is much like that. Treasure what is; to avoid the burst is to quit living. I know how delightful your last stanza is. So maybe it acts as another callout; for the reader to find and treasure.	2014-07-05 10:26:14
reflections from a piece of glass	Mark Steven Scheffer	The presumption of that whole, now shattered- and reflections of the whole composed of the shattered with a new destiny. I see the reflections, the production of firelight through those reflections- and possibly the remorse of times that may have prevented, or mitigated- Of “no sight”, I think, the images gleaned in the shard of glass, the understanding of completeness, in the incomplete, bely “no sight”, except maybe extemporaneously in retrospect, but isn’t that the point? Always make me think. Another MSS that belongs next to my bed, to be studied and enjoyed over time, a more complete, reflection; if you will.	2014-07-05 10:18:59
King-Dumb Come	DeniMari Z.	Deni, I think it would be interesting to read the back story to this piece. It is rife with between the lines, in your face, anti-amorphisms. Of judgment- maybe others are better suited to compare albums. I know- I do well enough to judge myself. Thank you for sharing.	2014-07-05 10:03:13
Whisperings	Joe Gustin	Joe, this piece is as poignant as anything I have read. The lover metaphor, and the resilience of the observer (as much as the primary) make this a comfortable fit for the soul. Truly a splendid read. I could smell the red clay in the air!	2014-07-05 09:57:59
What Happened	Joe Gustin	Joe, I am still hoping to make it all work. What happened? I’ll let history do its own long division. I find the future much more entertaining. As for your piece; let me just add an Amen. Very well put. Quite inspirational. Thank you for sharing it.	2014-05-21 20:14:39
Mark Sheffer's Excellent Collection of Poems	James C. Horak	Thank you.	2014-04-27 15:13:05
I have found	Terry L Krieg	Hello Terry, to begin with I had to look up “niggling”, now a wonderful new word in my lexicon mind! I think there is in this verse, what any older will understand. That it contains you, I think is a bonus, it could just as well stand without being individualized. I also like the “second glance”. It is all that keeps one sane. It is also the cause of midlife crisis when interpreted incorrectly. Do you mean “scramble” instead of “scrabble”? I guess I could place a word game into life, and the puzzle portion works as well- just asking. Taunting in the face of age. Now there is a scene to see.	2014-04-27 15:11:27
In Her and Evening	Mark Steven Scheffer	Good Morning, after reading this umpteen times, I still don’t know what to make of it. I could extract the meanings, and attempt the ride- but I think that is not why it is here. Tongue in cheek, a basic poetic algorithm, Alistair on steroids? It is my feeling that unlike everything else you post; you purposefully meant this to be un-MSS. Lessons are sometimes hidden in inadequate rhyme and suggestive shadows behind shallow copse. Of me, my adoration for you work is boundless; nevertheless.	2014-04-27 09:49:36
Love Waits	Joe Gustin	Joe, how splendid, how succinct. (maintenance). There is quite a lot of pleasure in reading this piece. Each stanza, each line is perfect. Of time being “low maintenance”, I will grant the benefit of the doubt… although it flows effortlessly, I am not sure love unrequited considers it low maintenance, at least not when subjected to the human inference! Still, what a wonderful line! The sharing of Love and Time, now what a mating; and how comfortable they are in unspoken togetherness. Really, spectacular piece.	2014-04-27 09:39:47
Nova Woman	Joe Gustin	Joe, what strikes me most transcendent about this piece is one can make a case for the description of a delectable love, or the love of writing/poetry. Both, case in point, are considered “loves” of one’s life. As for me, I am just as suspended between the two as the ruminations might suggest. I think, depending on my level of playfulness when rereading, will determine whether the love remains human, or the humanity ascribes to descriptors. A wonderful piece.	2014-04-10 12:20:32
Over Mountains	DeniMari Z.	Deni, and enjoyable write. I can see the analogy of difficulties and mountains; the ending where time and persistence maybe? The dark, and the curse, with the consolation and "peace" once arrived accent the entire piece. That you added a personage to the darkness- and the remedy is prayer; reinforce what was spoken before. And encouraging piece particularly for those who recall the motivation it takes to overcome what must be.	2014-04-01 15:03:11
Old Shoes	Joe Gustin	Joe, what a tempting piece! The metaphors, “dust bunnies”, and “checked out your closet” are exquisite, I say metaphors because they feel far deeper and an analogy, like they have an entire life in the sol few words. The finding of the shoes, a metaphor for memories and neglect is also fabulous. I think, in few lines, there is a volume of Wordsworth poems, lighted and ready for the readers discovery. Superb. This might be the winner of the month. Well Done!	2014-03-24 18:17:41
Years	Terry L Krieg	Don’t anyone tell you differently, this is a spectacular poem. The concept of being “made” whether by experience or God, is in and of itself conceptual. This is a spectacular poem, that should get a great exposure than you will get on this site. A pity, there was a time it would get twenty hits- but for me, “triggers molded” is a revelation in itself. really a breakout piece. wonderful.	2014-03-17 22:17:13
Over Slept	Joe Gustin	Very nice piece Joe. I find, more and more in this poetry world that to put oneself out there for a simple, tender piece is looked at like wasting paper. This piece has the potential to be dynamite. It made my morning. BTW, the assonant rhyme of “birds” and “earth” is marvelous. What a fine word choice. I’ll have to put it aside somewhere for some future piece. I did wonder about S3L3/4 which suddenly left your rhyme scheme. The imaginary rhyme does present itself after hair (sickles), but I wondered if you meant that or if it was some other tool. Really an enjoyable read- I think after a couple of edit cycles, it will be perfect.	2014-03-16 09:10:27
I Will Lie	Joe Gustin	Ah Joe, such a romantic heart. The great poetry books are filled with sentiments like this, and yet there are several of their own diction. The thought of kisses missing their marks and winding up in the sheets is a wonderful image. Mostly your last stanza accents the verse, “the scroll of your body” is a wonderful image. I found this to be an enjoyable read- and I do love romantic poetry. BTW, last staza, second line, “your” is the correct word. A really nice way to start my evening.	2014-03-10 20:31:37
Within Deep Provence	Lora Silvey	Lora it interests me deeply, the “sleep before birth”, but the substance of finding and appreciating each moment of treasure and rest is compelling. “All things according to their time”, the wisdom of Ecclesiastes; or maybe history, or maybe just because it is; rings not only for the appreciation of peace and rest, but of forgiveness, and acceptance even when neither may be easily apprehended. “Deep the memory” makes me think of trees, but also resound a little with “the last breath”. I am not sure your entire theme is met my me; however, what is, is, and oddly enough, it has come after some rereadings and “in its own time.”	2014-02-20 13:43:54
Mindless	Terry L Krieg	Welcome Terry- I don't think I’ve had the pleasure to critique a piece by you before. I look forward to it. Your ongoing analogy between mindless computers and mindless people makes the self-centeredness of people in dealing with people and the disinterestedness of computers is splendid. The one set (people), of purpose or ignorance, the other set, (computers) of mechanically designed insensitivity. Your finally line is cogent; the two merging and the end set while justifying neither. Personally; I think you were a bit harsh with the computers! They don’t need this shit!	2014-02-16 10:24:34
Walking Home	Joe Gustin	Joe, It is really a delightful piece. I know the effect. However, you do such a great job bringing it to life; I am sad, in the end, to know it is silenced. Although we all know the physics involved in wind and aperture- you do something special in not telling us whether this is a true story, or if it is an analogy for something else. I like to think it happened, and the company left just as you were getting comfortable with the visit!	2014-02-14 14:59:39
Healing Prayer	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari- the personal aspects of this verse/prayer, are so universal that the entire verse translates to many indices in the readers life. Some I could never see myself ask for, some are times I’d rather forget- and am not sure these issues were resolved in accordance with the hope required. Other Places, other times, and “anguished mind” are very familiar. Once again, it is the common need and common distress that endears the verse to the reader. Maybe there are those readers who wouldn’t recognize themselves in the need, or even the deity as a respite; however- even there is the understanding that resolution is often out of our hands.	2014-02-13 09:34:45
Feeling This Season	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari, it is a fine image; you begin with romance on a personal scale. Then in the second stanza, approach the broader definition of romance. Being one who always has an affinity for winter (well, it seems for whatever season takes my moment), your personalization of the season was both appreciative of the nature, and distinctive in your color commentary. Your use of black lace, gown, snug, sensation, takes our experience and canters it with enchanting, daydreams, spell cast and biting, which although are human compliments, are attributed to the engendering of the season. I really liked this piece. You final lines, of peaceful sleep and warm hospitality both counter and augment the images. Well done.	2014-02-10 10:09:49
Faring	Mark Steven Scheffer	I have left this to last, after many readings. The quality of the verse is without question; it is the metaphor that escapes me. Or maybe it is the inadequate knowledge of the relationship the colors my understanding of the metaphor. The references I comprehend. There is an empathy that strings throughout the piece. The forlornness is as palpable as the respect and prospect. I don’t know. What I can say, with understanding or without; it is a fine piece of writing, nevertheless. I would tell you what the metaphors mean to me; but I think I would only sound as vacuous of mind as I usually do when trying to grasp your meanings. Thank you for sharing.	2014-02-02 14:57:56
SHOCK	Debbie Spicer	Debbie, There is little that can be said to issue support or comfort for such a loss. The verse itself is so much train of thought that the actual mind and spirit, from any who have known such, and known you, nods and cares with you. It would be difficult to speak to this, not as a clergy, or close friend, or even detached philosopher- but what you have shared speaks more to us as poets, than the poetry we seek to compose. My heart is with you; odd how such an agonizing image and the sorrow that is as subjective as anything can be, is also objectively a blessing to me, that you shared the moment here. It is the intimacy of being human. I hope you find similar in my response.	2014-02-01 11:06:44
No Flowers On The Wall	DeniMari Z.	Deni, I adore the implementation of color with animate world. Of beauty, it is (aside from the subset of love) the redeeming edifice of this world. I found a dual meaning (to me) in your final lines, that of the mind noticing and transferring the beauty of the world to personal significance, as well as noting the mind, aside from the apparent beauty of the world, finding beauty comprised in the attitude and dreams of that mind. The distinctive stanza for me is of the “spiritual divine” and “wings unlike”. Although this reflects more on the creator than the creation, it is still homogenous to the entire vision. Very well said.	2014-02-01 10:54:50
She Takes A Bubble Bath	Joe Gustin	Critique: Well, with the assumption that the entire piece is not a metaphor for God, creation, Sin, Redemption, or the condition of the Sociological state of some country- assuming that; I can appreciate the gentle convergence of bath time, “she”, creation and both the indemnity and the coalescence that comes from the union. I also will keep this clean, because it might just have well been about somebody’s daughter, as it might an older woman requiring a more thorough description of the act. As for the synthesis of the moment- it was a fine analysis of the creator and creation; and the adding of anthropomorphic sentiment to the bubbles is the finishing touch on an enjoyable bath time.	2014-02-01 10:49:18
Cheryl Said This was ok	Joe Gustin	Joe, don't know about Cheryl; I do know the simple poem is cogent- and look at what has been lost, regardless, or what one has- in perpetuity. This is the sort of poem that makes its way into compilations, and is read a thousand times over for those in love or the heartbroken. It is a rare poem that speaks succinctly to both subsets of love. I enjoyed the piece, read it several times, and will read it again. It made me feel good. The only earthshattering images are of the heart and soul. That suites me fine. I wouldn’t change a word.	2014-01-24 11:26:49
Worthy of Saving	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, of the content, there is the spiritual journey only you can address; that you are still writing is the product of some level of victory. Your last line held a particular image for me, "let go of your dance with sin", and since it is far more subjective to each person, rather than objective- the reader may look at you and decide, and it is inconsequential, then they must turn their eyes on themselves, with regard to the entire content, and make that decision in accordance with their subjective views. This is a very insightful piece, and with the character throughout, there is also hope throughout. At times that was more difficult to find in your verse than not. I enjoyed the read and am glad you have posted your heart.	2014-01-23 14:52:14
Tabula Rasa	Mark Steven Scheffer	Mark, even on a separate plane, the impact of your verse is distinct. For one who has lost their memory and must function is a pre-designated culture; is the taste of similar, or even (if one is disposed in such) is the return after a cycle of reincarnation- particularly if there is a bleed over as some supposedly have. Then again; one might assume that the new incarnation also means beginning with forgiveness or redemption of sin, for how can one be guilty of sin if one has no knowledge of what sin is, or of sins possibly committed- then there is the prince and the pauper; entering into a compact with the cultural requirement of present situation, and yet remembering; at least for the prince, the enormity of all that he was, and can no longer be. Culture shock; for one- self imposed to be the benefactor. Personally, it has made me look at the function of genetics or presentation; as it refers to Christ. Fertilization of the virgin, or tree of souls donor chosen by Gabriel. These are things I have never considered, and some I haven't thought of in a long time. The metaphor for the current social and political conditions is also a striking one. Sometimes I just have to choose. Any piece that draws my thoughts such as this is a good piece to me. This is a stunning piece.	2014-01-22 09:29:48
Ken at Christmas	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, such an experience is the building block of beyond the day. You have described it so well. I can say that, beyond looking through your eyes; there remains the ongoing inspiration that events like that allow for that really, I think, few other events can manage. There are a few, but each is special in its own way. Thank you for sharing this moment. It was well managed.	2014-01-18 14:49:09
The Walk of Shame	Joe Gustin	Joe, a very simple piece; but for those of us who have traveled thus- the level of truth exists. I was very interested in the assonance of dog/fog/ love, very original. Thank you for sharing.	2014-01-18 13:26:42
But then	James C. Horak	The exceptional or the cynical; merged into a single image. One has to decide whether the images imagined from moving water are those seen by any onlooker, or only the poet who deciphers more. And of love? Lost love? I think- everyone hurts the same but undoubtedly the poet interprets it with greater flourish. I know, I know; metaphor and what’s it for. Nevertheless.	2013-08-06 13:06:38
Old Defeats	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, such a dour piece. Of the scars; much like the strangers and buried sins. I cannot figure it all out. Your piece lets me know that probably it isn't something that should be figured out and still maintain sanity. I don't know, maybe so. Of your verse, so much a part of humanity; -sins for supper- ah... I prefer to read your verse.	2013-08-05 22:12:48
My ear	Mark Andrew Hislop	Time has a way of winning, even here.	2013-08-05 22:07:33
Her DayDreams	cheyenne smyth	cheyenne, I must inhale –life’s sweetest breath-. Listening to piece ramble on, from visuals and color, to taste, from the textures of physical world to the conscious –smoothing- of a wrinkled dress; all brings the content of your piece to a tactile appreciation from the reader. I saw the –wrinkled dress- as a greater metaphor for the entire theme. It doesn’t say she is sitting, but it seems she is resting. The dress is a value to her, as is her life, and even with the wrinkles, she can smooth them out and retain the whole of the garment, as her soul does her life. The wrinkles are merely minor perturbations in the whole of –whispered memories- of a good life. Any who care to value the content of living; will find the nature of that life in this piece. Well done.	2012-12-29 10:40:42
Drying Up	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, I appreciate the comparison of inspiration and –fresh air-. That –things that spilled out- is the measure of the task; that you have gifted us with this is the travail of the soul. That we should have those times of –stagnant and murky / nearly dry- is an indication of the genius that remains. Once again you grant us a look, by inverse description, of the importance contained in the genius. I would counter –but this time I can not open my heart- with the piece I just read. Apparently, maybe not of the substance you desire, still remains the contribution to inspire. What remains for me is the –my soul is bound within its coil and the tears in my heart-. We may all empathize with such a condition. I enjoyed the read.	2012-12-29 10:25:48
At the Library	Mark Steven Scheffer	Frankly MSS, I should be impressed (as if I never was). Never having seen or used, (though familiar with the term) condign used in context, or at all in writing- I guess; with sympathetic exhilaration- I was impressed. So nix all said above. Those images of stored knowledge and passion, visited when they are visited and the analogy itself is a transference to the reader. The library was opened, even if in obscured reading. I cannot think that the alliteration of (I’s) was accidental. I do not recall such an up front pattern from you before. –scribes, consigns, condign, die climb- it all adds mystery to a code in the piece that only a regular visitor to the –library- might be aware. But the term is stressed in –I-, first person and can easily allude to the purpose of the verse, that of personal repository, not of the knowledge of the world, but of the knowledge within, and the sharing of such for those astute enough to recognize it. I am a library person. I go twice or three times a week for many reasons. Mostly there is a focus found, and this piece seems focused. I looked to find a seminarians view of this piece and failed. What I did find was me – both in actualization, and when knowledge hade the opportunity to change the urchin- to dream, regardless of all else. I find the latent and the hidden in this treatise. Of course, It is all out there to read.	2012-12-15 09:35:35
Ash	cheyenne smyth	cheyenne, what about the good times? And, don’t you hate those keys that sit around, unidentifiable, and unlock nothing presently recalled? Oh, oddly- even good times end so in a diaspora type departure, one takes the good with the bad, do we not? I looked at your form and wondered at it. The metaphor of for was obvious, that to accent your poem with –broken lines- as if the plates and tales could be seen on the page. The lines are truncated and appear jagged. -letters- you said letters. What of the days when a letter would arrive postage due because there was too little. It speaks of a systemic trust of old days, as much as it does of the actual postage unpaid by the sender. Then again, I know those who have sent bills and purposely not signed the checks to buy another week. Can it be Freudian as much as absentmindedness? And of death, ashes to ashes- I think on it a lot, for many reasons other than those intimated in your verse. So, in reading- you stoked the fires that rain on the ending. I enjoyed this piece and frankly, wouldn’t change a thing.	2012-11-22 10:38:29
Cap and Bells (my version)	James C. Horak	I don’t know why, but this poem made me think heavily on Ayn Rand’s book The Fountainhead. Maybe Dominque would have an answer for the –wooing-. Lord knows Rudyard Kipling never did. Of me and the piece- as usual with your nebulous mystery; I can apply it to many venues. Once thing is certain, whether the author speaks of his own heart, or observes the constraints of another, even in decision ambiguity remains in substance. Of yoru lines, the three joined as triplets in a slower ballad –overstayed visit- – than fondness for the past – and –linger in passing twilight- make the point of great times and umbilical connection. I enjoyed the read.	2012-11-22 10:28:46
One Way	Rene L Bennett	Hello Rene, to the business end first- S1L1 –confusion- S3L1 – life’s- This piece is a piece of anyone’s heart who is honest, whether having come through such ambivalence, or in it now. Of all, you finished with a flourish in the last stanza. It hits hard and real. I’m not the artist, but I’d take this piece and work on the meter so it flows easier. All six counts I’d boost to at least seven (although you have a lot of eights and nines). S1L3 –a- is unnecessary and clutters the sweetness of the flow. S2L3 –or a dream- S3L4 –for a little while- None of those suggestions are actually needed, I just believe something like those would smooth the reading. So seldom used is the double rhyme in a line, and the first lines of each stanza stand out and set the table for your thoughts. There is a universality in those thoughts, that although actual events are invisible to the reader, you manage to bring out the mirror image of feelings and decisions; regardless of that. We readers have no need to see the actuals, knowing the eyes and heart that is speaking of them. I particularly liked (among a very enjoyable read)- each of the second lines in each stanza. Although line one always sets the table with a complimentary rhyme, line 2 for me is a poignant as the final line in a poem should be. Well done! Once again, your final two lines are proverbial. They are too the point and yet lyrical. It is a fitting ending to an interesting verse.	2012-11-22 10:08:46
Structure lost	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, there should be a crescendo playing in the background. The reputation of our modern educational system is well earned. Someplace along the line it must revert to those educators who care most about their student’s lives and future. It is not easy to find your solution within this poem. – learning the fundamentals- is about the only real substantive action. The problems are framed well. Of course, I have answers to achieving your goals, but probably they do not coincide with the answers others may have; and that is exactly the problem- as you outline the overview. I’d like to see you set to prose a substantive answer to the questions. It will be interesting to see the critiques speak to the form and your reform ideas!	2012-11-19 10:10:06
To Reach the Shore	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, an ending not expected. The consternation, while reading the first time, could have emanated from any number of reasons. Now we are where we are. I assume the ellipses at the end of S1 and S2 are to accent the lake of clarity inside the mind, and the –fog- that is the scourge (or maybe the blessing) for what will occur. They do not detract, but with your writing, they also are not needed. A period would do to capture your image. Many times death and the journey have inspired, both a scientific and moralistic view of the end. That –crave- and –brave- are counter to each other captures well the image of the desire to know and the unknown that might be discouraging. Normally simplistic rhymes as you use in this piece are not my favorite, but the simplistic view of life and death, reinforce those rhymes in this piece. Well done. I hope, in this and the appraising, that the river and journey are kind.	2012-11-10 12:02:25
She was shaking	Michael Bird	Having had similar experiences, I immediately felt the vibrancy and sensuality of the piece. It is a song waiting for a melody. There are those who might want it more polished, but your form matches your message, and your message has a raw dynamic to it. This is a stand-alone piece that defies critique for content or style. Your repetition of –clicking her fingers- is indicative of so much more and accents the musical sexuality built into the experience. To catch the female form and attraction, without discussing the female apparatus, is a fun and exhilarating ride for the mind and libido. You captured the moment well.	2012-11-10 11:54:57
In Hac Spe Vivere Et Mori Statuo	Mark Steven Scheffer	MSS, I adore the dry humor here. Given the preponderances of services it seems that the –loss of but one- would not impact. But I recall my dismay at Powertools for AOL going tits up, and how much it impacted everything I did there. Then again, -never mind, I’m not going to rationalize- it just stinks sometimes- Isn’t it strange how Mobileme almost seems latin? And yes, to live- that is the overriding issue even during the dismay. Oddly, I just finished a Poem titled Mors, I doubt I will post it here, but the upshod is the lines- Est mors exordium est mors vel terminus? Not exactly to theme, but themed Ad nauseam nonetheless. Even in a piece such as this you have a gritty elegance. I have read this many times. It is worth my time.	2012-10-31 09:43:22
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Tony P Spicuglia	Critique Date

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