Irene E Fraley's E-Mail Address: battlejo@warwick.net


Irene E Fraley's Profile:
I am the wife of one, mother of two, grandmother of three. I reside in the Catskills and work as an office manager. Graduating from Wells College as an English major, I have been a teacher, a nurse assistant, a volunteer ambulance worker, (EMT basic) and an Alcohol & Drug counselor in a Crisis unit. I have been writing poetry seriously for about 5 years. I love water, lakes, New Hampshire and reading.

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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Irene E Fraley has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 77 to 126 out of 126 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Irene E FraleyCritique Date
An Act of Fatestephen g skipperThis is such a serene, sad poem. Acceptance is a very special state that tends to be illusive, but in this moment of poetry there is a stillness of soul. The deep love expressed in the poem is intensified by the simplicity of language used, and the poem has good flow. As a reader unacquainted with the situation, I feel a need to encourage you both, and a poem that developes that kind of response without being dramatic is in my book, good writing. I feel privileged to have read this. Thanks, Rene2003-10-30 19:31:47
From Night to Morningmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, The imagery in this poem is lovely. While I think the absense of punctuation works for the poem in geneal, I wonder if having capital letters at the start of every line doesn't make it a little bit harder to "get" at once. That's a small mechanical change that might be made. The use of "Luna" and "Aurora" works to make the poem more personally interesting (I thought of Goddesses as well as moon and dawn.) For me the most beautiful lines are, The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way" What a lovely conceit! Thanks for this small glimpse of wonder, Rene 2003-10-23 20:15:24
I Ought to AutumnDonna L. DeanHi Donna, I like the multi-layers of this poem, and the fine imagery. The metaphore of the poet as the season really works. The first stanza is echoed by the last, tying the poem together, as the poet consideres there is not much time left before winter (very old age or death) and like the trees the poet considers making the most of the season she is in. The leaves of Autumn become the defenses (against abandonment and loss?)whhich must be dropped to let life be lived, and risked for love. The imagery in this poem is really good and works for the poem on several levels. I don't see anything that needs changing, as the poem sounds and reads as if a great deal of skill has gone into shaping it. Rene2003-10-19 15:03:25
Eight Dollar Dumb DadPaul R LindenmeyerI enjoyed this poem. The poem is unmetered and unrhymed, and reads well. The story was interesting to me and I was surprised at the $8.00. (In my day I got 25 cents for the week as allowance, and 15 cents once a week for ice-cream at school.) The one thing that caught my attention was, "Your school finally arrives, later than usual," Do you think it would make more sense if it read, "The (school) bus (van) finally arrives, later than usual," ? I really had to re-read this a few times before I understood it. Otherwise it's a good story. Thanks for the memories. By the way, Dad isn't dumb, simply not a mind reader! Rene 2003-10-18 18:44:00
a curious merrimentRachel F. SpinozaGreat character development in a few lines. I can picture this person, if it is a person, being named Hope. The imagery is good, the flow is very good and the minimal use of punctuation works well for this poem. The stanza and line breaks are clean. I might change the line breaks somewhat in the second stanza, so the stronger words were at lines' end, (and this is strictly my personal prefference) but otherwise, I wouldn't change it. Good work! Rene2003-10-17 11:12:58
japanese verse 28 (Rose)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoThere's a lot in this haiku. The form is met. The metaphore of the glass of season sets up the final line. The last line works to pull the whole together. I particularly like this because it is so gentle and reflective. You have a lovely way of looking at the world! This poem actualy make the reader see, feel and taste the beauty of the rose. A lovely poem, with nary a thorn in sight! Good work, Rene2003-10-16 10:05:28
Poem TitleSergio M chavezI'll do the best I can with this. If I'm reading this poem correctly it is about abuse, specifically sexual abuse, and perhaps another sort of physical and mental abuse. The reaction of the body is healthy, the abuse of power isn't. I have a strong identification with this subject and particularly appreciate the final stanza, even though it is but a part of recovery. As a poem, this reads well. The use of space is good, the imagery very well done. The presentation of the conflict of spirit inherent in such abuse is extremely well done. I wouldn't change this. Hang in there, Rene Fraley2003-10-16 09:58:44
R&RJeff GreenI'm guessing at this. Is this in Iraq? The contrast to one resting in a palace while the women are getting their water in old gas cans amid the smoke of war (if it is war) is really striking. I love poems like this, that say so much in such a short moment in time and lines. The imagery is strikingly good: simple and clean and vivid. The poem reads well in the sort of musing tone that relaxes the reader into an unsuspecting state before hitting them with the one image that wakes them up to re-evaluate the poem. Well done! Rene Fraley2003-10-13 11:32:12
Patched to TapestryDarren J LedbetterHi Darren, I'll do my best with this poem. I read this, as do all readers, from the point of view of my personal history. I understand losing one's past in the effort to avoid the punnishment one assumes will come for past mistakes. The effort to avoid feeling the pain and shame of our mistakes ( and oft times the abuse of others) can cause us to block out the past. I am wondering if the patches are our efforts to re-write the past, and the parade is life? "The little tapestry I have was still to much to carry for my unbarring race against all that memory fails to do." I see this as speaking from the point of view of one who has forgotten his past and is trying now to remember. The tapestry could be read as the many part of the past that were too painful to remember. This could be the voice of a dissociated individual. As a poem, this reads well. It moves smoothly from beginning to end. There is a typo (to) in the last stanza which is an easy fix. I guess what I'm trying to say that this poem depends a lot on the ability of the reader to be able to understand the poet's history, and for someone like myself (very concrete at times) the poem is hard to understand, but not hard to like. Good luck with this, Rene Fraley 2003-10-13 11:06:44
My MuseDonna L. DeanI like this ! The muse is the all of potentiality, never tied down to a time-table, form, color or gender. This honorarium to the imagination is something I can really identify with. Why is it that the best ideas seem to come charging up to us in the shower? As I was reading this poem I found myself wondering if it was a transposed prose poem. It would certainly make a good one! The wonder of the imagination is that it is without limit, and keeps us filled with hope when life is downing us. This is a good musing on the muse. Thanks for sharing, Rene Fraley2003-10-13 10:48:04
Role ModelJoanne M UppendahlVery clean Joanne! This revision is extremely well done. The only word that stopped me was "bobbled" which I associate with fishing equipment, so it took me a moment to re-adjust my thinking. I really don't have anything to comment on otherwise. It's funny, because if I remember the poem well in my emotion mind, I think I like the origional a little better. I don't have the origional in order to compare, but this poem is a very clen and precise presentation. It flows well. Thanks for sharing this, Rene2003-10-13 10:32:13
Clouds and CurtainsMark D. KilburnHello Mark, This is very powerful writing. The poem reads well. It flows from one perspective to another smoothly, and accurately describes the flux of emotions when one is dealing with a disabeling or life threatening disease. As I read the poem I felt that the poem was about fighting cancer, and I identified with the struggle with depression and fear that you are facing. How wonderful is the human spirit that in spite of a disease that saps energy and medications that sap energy even more and cause you to feel even worse, still fight to maintain hope and the drive to live and find the sunshine. "When courage is needed I often steal it from the elderly and tenderly young victims who so bravely face the worst that’s out there, losing in the end but always smiling… I steal their omnipotent courage" This is so true for most all of us. We are supported by the example of others, and strive to emulate their grace. The use of "tenderly young" has impact on the reader. It is the child who leads in the world of the Shadow. The other line that impacted upon me very strongly was, "we have to feel bad before we can feel good." So many of us have heard this, hated it, loved it, hung on to it in fighting all sort of dis-eases; both physical and mental. Unfortunately, it is true. The poem is good. It shows the courage of a man fighting for his life in every way that is humany ppossible, and may help others to fight for theirs as well. It tells us in a wonderful way who is at the heart of you. Thank you for this poem and your power of example, Rene Fraley 2003-10-12 11:12:30
In Search Of The God ParticleDrenda D. CooperI like this poem for its interesting subject and the way science is made interesting. The new sciences of dimensions, strings, quarks, gluons etc are way too complex for me to comprehend, but this poem made some sense to me. Carl Sagon once said to me and other students at Wells, that every time science finds something that proves there is no God, twenty years down the road something else is found in that thing that proves there is a God. Surely the Universe and the Soul are two things that comprise an onion that Man will always be peeling. An interesting poem, Drenda, and one I enjoyed reading and thinking about. I do have one suggestion. Perhaps it would be easier to read and comprehend if you didn't stick with the capital letters at the beginning of every line. Good luck with this... Rene 2003-10-11 18:52:02
The Mountain Man's Mystic MissiveRobert L TremblayHi Robert, A lot of work went into this poem. The subject, man thinking he can out-do God or His will, is presented well (with the help of the old man of the mountain) and as each time period is presented, and each man tries to fight nature, the lesson is clear. Won't work! What we do is always temporary, as is the earth (and universe)and all things in it. Only God is eternal. The poem is rhymed well, the 10 syllable meter is mostly consistant. The images are clear, vivid and the message isn't pedantic. The history of the "old Man" was interesting to me, as I'd had no idea that so many people tried to stop the forces of nature. NH holds the spot that has held my heart all of my life, so the poem hold doubble interest for me. I don't know how you managed to make the face of the Old Man, but it is impressive to me. Thanks for this poem, Rene2003-10-11 18:38:11
Riversmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, This Haiku is interesting in that it also might be considered a seneru. There is so much contained withing the lines. The rivers, like life, have the quality of both beginning and end. The river alwys stays the same as one watches it, and yet is ever changing. Does time exist, or did we invent it to help make sense of the world we must control by "pidgon-holing" everything. The poem meets the 5-7-5 form and I have no problem with it at all. Part of our problem as poets is, I think, that we have been locked into punctuation for so long that when we come to a poem like this we feel uncomfortaable as we read it. The punctuation that could be there, depending on placement, could change the meaning of the poem. I think this poem takes good advantage of the lack of punctuation. It frees the poem up to richer speculation. Thanks, Marilyn, for sharing this one with us. Rene2003-10-10 09:20:07
After the StormJoanne M UppendahlAnother lovely poem, Joanne. The imagery is very clear and creative. "Today the rain calls to me, blowing leaves, squalling sideways tears." The rain is almost personified, but what truly stopped me short, was the image of the rain squalling sideways tears. What a wonderful picture! The images of the flowers and the pots bring more vivid reality to the scene, then: "How free these fierce gestures, the giving up of what has been, the leaning into what comes next." Now comes the richness of the thoughts that give meaning to the scene. This is what the cycle of life is all about. The letting go of the past and the excitement and eagerness of looking toward the future. "leaning into" the future is an inspired phrase. Completing the cycle, the spider begins to weave her web again. There is a masterful evocation of many myths and archetypes in this last stanza, that raises this poem above the ordinary for me. Clarissa Pinkola Estess would be dancing to the spirit of this poem! (I hope I spelled Clarissa's name properly!) Thank you, Joanne. This one is a joy to me. Rene 2003-10-09 19:57:39
japanese verse 27 (Will)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, This seems different to me from previous japanese poetry of yours I've read. This is a senuru (sp?) in that it meets the form of a Haiku but is not about nature or using nature's imagaries. The message is clear, compressing an awful lot of information into a short space. It is amazing that you can put so much into so little! I like this poem, but I'm not so sure I like all the thinking it has occasioned. (I tend to be somewhat lazy intelectually.) Thank you for the mental workout, as this poem really did make me think! Rene2003-10-09 19:40:51
Hymn to AutumnRachel F. SpinozaI love the imagery in this poem, and the brevity of its lines, which seems to echo the season. This seems to be one of those poems which captures a moment in time which is not full of action or drama, yet pivotal in understanding a character. The poem moves well, reads well aloud, although I have to admit when I get to "Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain" This is so lovely that I find I have to stop and savor the images. Wonderful writing! The last stanza has something of the same effect, except in this case it is the landscape of the emotions that demands one walk slowly to savor the feelings. I particularly like the tone of acceptance and gentle love that I felt as I read. This is beautiful, and has such simplicity. Then again, so does the night sky in summer. Thanks for sharing this with us, Rene 2003-10-09 19:30:37
Haiku (Life a new)Dan D LavigneThis is beautiful. The poem is well crafted. Created by putting a series of Haiku together, the poem tells of so much more than of a man dying. The first and last stanzas (haiku) are reflections of each other, presenting in concrete form the essence of the cycle of life to death to life that the poem is discussing. Really good writing. The cycle of the seasons are introduced in the first stanza, reflecting the life/death cycle. The next stanza's introduce the situation and developes it, only to return to the turn of the cycles in the last stanzas. The poet has compressed the emotions throuh the form (which is well met)and the imageries presented. "Fear is beside me" what an image this is! "My life is slipping away." Helplessness, powerlessnes is here. "Craving dignity This is an emotion we can identify with. As I lie in wait for it Again, helpless. Silence as it comes" Question: Did you mean "silence" or "silent"? Otherwise, the only thing I noticed is a typo, (I think.) "deaths" should it be "death's"? or "Death's" This is really a fantastic poem, and one that touched me personally. Thank you Dan, Rene Fraley2003-10-08 18:09:41
Blowin' da "Blues" otta da Horn!Andrea M. TaylorHi Andrea, I really enjoyed this. The form you're using is consistant, the message is clear, the language is good. This is fun to read, the form invites a chuckle as it sort of imitates Mame, popping in and about. The form employes lines of 3, 1, 2, 4. I'm wondering if this is your construct or a form I should have known. The use of space works. This poem really awakened a memory for me. I was reading "Auntie Mame" in a cabin in NH and couldn't help bursting out laughing. Tears rolled down my face as I read the part about Fox Hunting to my Dad. My Dad said, "I didn't know you had a sense of humor." That was the moment when my father began to see me as a human being, not a bothersome child, so this memory is special to me. Thanks for bringing it back out of the bowels of my brain's library. With much gratitude, Rene 2003-10-07 19:26:27
UntitledAndrea M. TaylorGreat image! I pictured a catterpiller and a pond simutaneously. The form is met. What impressed me was the gentleness of tone that you maintained throughout, without being boring. Good work! Rene2003-10-04 19:43:13
The SWAG MethodAndrea M. TaylorThis poem has good flow, the language is mature and it certainly asks more questions than it proposes answers. The treatment of life as simply a biological happening with no spiritual content is puzzling to me, and I'm glad the poem addresses this question. The poet clearly states her position, which is a brave thing to do. I wondered about one line, "Why is it when it begins that is suspected?" Is "it" missing here, (after "that"), or have I missread the meaning? A brave poem, and one I shall re-read. Rene 2003-10-01 08:03:32
My OilC ArrownutI'm interested in this poem. The imagery is really good. In only a few words the description enables one to see the destruction of the house. The painting becomes a metaphore for the poet in the poem. I think this is really good writing. There was one area I didn't get. "A thick black arrow running lengthwise across the canvas and tossing gold crosses, pink rosaries, and holy water aside." Perhaps it's a matter of tenses or punctuation, but these lines confused me. Did the arrow toss the crosses and pink roseries, or was the arrow simply bisecting pink roseries and crosses and holy waters already present? It feel as though something is missing here, and yet the imagery is excellent. The last two lines are very strong, and I wondered if this was also describing a marriage. Altogether and intriguing poem which for this reader asked more questions than it answered. I liked it. Rene Fraley 2003-09-30 17:19:16
Departed SpiritsC ArrownutThe use of environmental description used to set a mood is very well done here. As a memorial this is a wonderful poem, as you recount the things that are inextricably tied up in the memory of the departed. The sense of loss is well built by the list of things that are not there, the cats, he cats, the loved one. The dogs howl. "I can hear the shower no longer nursing him back to life after the night’s darkness;" I have to admit that this confused me, as I have a very concrete mind sometimes. I was impressed by this poem as it used physical objects so well to let the reader feel the emotions of the poet. Nice work, and I am very sorry for your loss. Rene Fraley 2003-09-26 23:02:46
Occupation,RevelationMichael BirdThis is a merry dance about town! I like the beat of this and wondered if there is music set to this poem? The imagery is clear and visual. The poem flows well from start to finish. I would suggest that the typo of "your" in the third stanza be corrected, and that perhaps the line breaks in stanza 9 could be changed to let the lines be somewhat shorter. This is the only place I had to re-read aloud. I like the passon and youthfull enthusiam of this piece. Thanks for sharing, Rene Fraley2003-09-26 22:46:51
japanese verse 26 (Camel)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoThe poem meets the form well. The syllable count is correct, the subject Nature, there is a "twist" at the end. As I read, I pictured the ground around Bethleham, a camel pacing steadily along. The last line, as description of the camel is really good. It marries the camel and hisa form to the land he walks. I love the deceptive simplicity of your Haiku. Rene fraley2003-09-26 22:35:31
The Pilgrims ProspectFrank J GlynnI can picture this man, having left everything in the everyday, pragmatic, progress oriented world to search for his dream. After he has left it all and found what he searched for it is hard to give up the dream to face the world of "reality" again. He envies those still on the search, and re-joins the searchers. This reads very smoothly, the images are clear. I don't have a clue what the clam shell represents, but it seemed to me as I read this poem, that the right to pursue your dream without being denigrated is important. Is the clam shell worth losing the respect of your children? To some, yes. Is the subject someone who cannot deal with real like? Perhaps. I don't see how one could change this poem. The tone that is established through the use of long lines and a lyrical rhythem is what makes the poem so interesting, even if one doesn't understand it well. The sound of it is good. I did wonder about "no-one". Was there a particular reason it was written this way? I liked this. Rene Fraley2003-09-25 20:36:30
Between the Wind and the Song of Calling GeeseJoanne M UppendahlA heart poem, in that it touches the heart of the reader. This is one of those poems that tells us so much about the poet, and what is really important. I don't know if the creator need thanks from me, but I know I need to give thanks to the creator for - everything. The imagery of worship in nature, the mix of spiritual and nature imagery, all of these things worked to build within me a stillness of soul as I read. Surely this is the best poem of all, that inner peace. Thank you, Joanne. I needed to read this tonight, Rene2003-09-22 19:37:15
StrappedThomas H. SmihulaI know the style is not exactly the same, but as I read this I thought of "The Hounds of Heaven". There is a sort of magical quality to the imagery. I had the sense I first had when opening a book that by the very title seemed to promise adventure, sensations and wonders. I thought of the creative force that traps us all as writers as if we are bound to write as we are bound to breathe. I thought of the storms of emotions bound up in all kinds of love, and I was really happy I picked this poem to critique. The writing is exquisite. The imagery is strong, vivid, the flow is good as is the use of space on the paper. I would not change this. The reason people thought there should be more, I'm sure, is that it's like a good story one can't stand to see end. Thank you so much for this poem! Rene2003-09-22 19:26:24
Perfumery (Tanka)carole j mennieI wish my fixed forms book was here! The poem seems to meet what I remember a tanka should be. It is a poem of nature and has a neat twist at the end. The imagery is really good and I like the humor, especially naming the skunk, "old stripe". Thanks for the Tanka, Carole. You are so good at these short fixed form poems. Rene2003-09-21 18:19:10
Brushed By DeathDebbie SpicerHi Debbie, The title of the poem caught my attention, as it is facing death that ultimately seems to bear fruit in strong poetry. Before I lose track of it, did you mean "at" instead of "as" in, "Unsure as this time if I could take a breath" ? The metaphore of the tapestry is excellent and works for the poem. The language is mature, the couplets rhyming in the stanza's. I particularly liked, "A resonates of hope's dream still played Unquenched and insatiable while in flight". This speaks so well to the drive towards life we have, and I am so glad it was strong in you! Until now I hadn't known you were ill. I'm glad I found out only after you had turned the corner into recovery. The last two lines can summon up my belief's also. Thanks for the poem, Rene 2003-09-21 18:13:50
Taste of LifeDawn ParkerI can read this poem several ways. It can be seen as the development of two people through the trial of life that then come together in a deep and mature relationship. It can be read as the developement of a single person's relationship with themself, which matures over the years and under self scrutiny. The metaphores of nature in this poem are wonderfully put together, as the title gives us taste, and the dish of life is grown through the seasons of our lives. The imagery is excellent, the poem flows smoothly and it seems obvious to me that a great deal of work has gone into the crafting of this piece. The power of the movement grows through the poem in the use of imagery. "The dish of wholeness", whether it is a joining of a soul with the Creator, the joining of two humans in a relationship, of the final understanding, merging of the individual parts of one person, is very special to me as a person and a reader. I don't see how it could have been done better. I do have one question. My mind is telling me that this is one of the lesser used fixed forms, but as my workbook is at my workplace, I can't name the form or check it. Am I correct in thinking this? Thank you for a really good piece of writing. It was a privilege to read this and see how you put it together. I hope I have the gift of reading more of your work, Rene Fraley2003-09-19 15:06:24
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their ColorsJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne, This is lovely. The imagery is consistantly themed, is easily pictured. The poem sounds good when read aloud, and I particularly noticed the alliteration of First stanza: "deep-w-draws dabbling ducks" Second stanza: "Ring - run - rays" Third stanza: "shy, swiftly, sight - thicker thorny" fifth : Flee - flaring " The only thing that caused me to hesitate as I read was the final couplet which seemed to me to be somewhat separated from the rest of the poem, perhaps because of the "will be" which changes the Time somewhat or perhaps because there is no neat "Tying up" of the poem. This is good observation as Nature doesn't tie things up completely ever, does it? Thanks for the wonderful imagery, Rene2003-09-19 14:33:22
Sole MatesRick BarnesIt was a surprise to me as I came to the end of the poem, even though I had noted the "sole" in the title. The imagery in the poem is good, the poem flows very well, the humor is good, and the last stanza had real impact. The rhyme is mostly consistant, and I didn't catch a consistant meter. I enjoyed this poem, particularly the first two lines, which fooled me into thinking it was a person under discussion at first. I had difficulty reading this poem aloud though, and perhaps it could be smoothed out a little? Thanks for an enjoyable read, Rene Fraley 2003-09-15 19:05:04
The Complications of LifeErica L. BadgerWhat a wonderful poem of transition from youth to maturity this is! The poem is rhymed and sometimes metered, and moves well from start of the message to the end. The obvious facts of "life is unfair" are well presented and se see the development of the poet or poet's subject as she comes to realize "what is" instead of what we think "should be." I like the honesty of this poem. I would suggest that, "When eye to eye we cannot see." might be re-written to sound more natural. Perhaps the word "agree" would work in the rhyme scheme. I hope this young writer keeps on writing! Rene Fraley 2003-09-14 13:43:02
SilhouetteAndrea M. TaylorI love this one! The form is met for a Haiku but due to the subject I thought it might be a Serenyu (I don't know how to spell it. Sorry!) The nature image is presented so the reader can see the tree in his/her mind, the spower of the storms implied by that image, and the twist in the third line was a surprise to me, but seems as if I should have expected it. I am reminded of a poem whose title and poet I can't remember about reeds in a stream or lake edge that survive when the great Oak falls. That image has been with me most of my life as a real teaching about life, and to me this poem is surving the same purpose. Thanks Andrea. Rene2003-09-12 15:16:49
Poetic LinkageTerrye GodownThe form is met appropritely. The conceit is fully realized. The poem flows, the images work. What more could we ask? I particularly liked "Inspiring unrecognized talents" which is so central to the link. Thanks, Terrye. You must have had a good vacation! Rene2003-09-11 20:12:05
Crucible Of The TowersPaul R LindenmeyerHi Paul, What can one say about a poem like this except that it says what it has to in the way it has to, and that is exactly what it should do. Thank you so very much. As a poet I applaud your use of space for impact and for mirroring what the poem is saying. Rene Ftaley2003-09-11 20:01:27
Love is a TrapezeDenise A McCroskeyI like this poem. The imagery is quite good, the sentiment is very well presented. Mostly I love the sense of wonder that I feel as I read, "How beautiful is the dance of two artists " There is something about the simple, honest expression of wonder or awe at what we see in other's that always gets to me. I did wonder why they are in a labyrinth, which I always think of as underground in feeling. Is there a connection, or is it simply that we are all working our way through the maze of daily living? At any rate, thank you for sharing with us, Rene2003-09-09 17:32:34
Lunar SpoofsJoanne M UppendahlI really like this poem Joanne! It is clever, moves (flows?) along smoothly, the imagery is wonderful. I went back and re-read, trying to find a favorite line or stanza, and am stumped. In stanza 1, the imagery is mystical and i loved it. In stanza 2, the imagery is more concrete, but still magical. In stanza 3, the humor brought a light touch to the poem and a smile to my lips. In stanza 4 I was entranced with the thought of a solar system spin cycling moon and in stanza 5, the homor returns, the joy is felt and honestly, I was dissapointed the poem ended. I wouldn't change it but I would like to know if I'm correct in thinking that the next to last spin is equal to the next to last phase? Did I get it right? Thanks for a lovely read, Rene2003-09-09 17:23:41
Drivin Me Crazy (No "G" intended)George L WhiteInteresting and funny story which moved forward fairly well. I was confused by the "three on a tree". Is this a standard drive or a car waiting to blast off as the starting lights cycled? Also, "Seemed / like steered a boat not a car" was cryptic to me. The tale of the large woman who wanted to drive and had no licence was well told. All in all it is a funny story but maybe a little too coloquial for someone in their sixties. I enjoyed reading, had a good laugh, and that's what counts. Rene2003-09-07 15:48:40
My Hero and StarSusan J. CertoThere's always something special about a love poem.This rhymed and metered poem tells a story of love with good flow throughout. There is a typo, "marr for mar" (if my sprlling is correct). I particularly liked the way the poet establishes the length of the relationship, "we're no longer teenagers" and lets the reader know this is a mature relationship. "I miss you so much, Do you have time to talk?" This is the point which makes the reader wonder what has happened to the relationship. The poet goes on to say how much she loves the subject of the poem, but one continues to wonder why the separation. I just like this poem. The voice rings true. Times today separate us by "busy-ness" until we lose track of what is important and why we are together to begin with. I have no suggestions for change except to fix the typo, Rene 2003-09-07 15:36:07
FreewayRachel F. SpinozaReally good one Rachel! Contrast is a tool that is used well in this poem. "Here", says the poet, "in this place of lost dreams and desperation, wonder and hope still thrive in the mind of a child". The imagery in the poem portrays a place of desolation and perhaps maddness, which is in stark contrast to the excitement of the child's voice. The pillars are painted with contrasting red and blacks, the speech pattern of the rag man's "gotyou" is in contrast with the speech pattern of the child's "Lookmommy!" The whole thing works together to give the child's voice and his wonder more strength. I think this is powerful writing. Thanks Rachel Rene2003-08-31 19:08:31
PEACE AND SO MUCH MOREGeorge L WhiteHi George, I like this. The poem is metered and rhymed, the imagery is very clear. The message of the poem is well presented, the flow is good throughout. Strictly speaking, the first line in the third stanza is one foot short of meter, but overall the meter is generally consistant. I particularly like the messege of this poem, and the use of nature to point out a psychological truth, for it is in the description of nature that this poem comes to life. I do have a question about the use of "passed". It is used both as passed (as in on?)and as in "past". It was done this way too many times to think it was a typo, so I'm nosy as to why. This does give the reader a sense of things unspoken. Interesting choice! Rene Fraley2003-08-31 09:39:56
Waiting in the Cradle (revised)Rachel F. SpinozaHi Rachel, Your poetry is always deliniated so cleanly, as if you are using a drafting pen. Is this a particular form of poetry? I particularly like the way in which the reader is led from a detail as specific as a dimple in a baby's knee to consideration of her potential power to change the universe. This movement from the tiny detail to universal consideration is surely the mark of a mature writer. I do not know the refference to "Cleopatra's nose" which inhibits my understanding of the poem, but the sound of it is interesting. Thanks for a good read, Rene2003-08-29 22:25:42
Doppler EffectJoan M WhitemanThe title of this poem caught my attention, and the story held it close. I particularly like the imagery in the poem, it is not overblown, garish description, rather finely drawn with delicate shadings. for example, "How many rainstorms have since saddened her soul?" Time, the poet says, has passed measured in increments of rainstorms. The tone is set by these lines. The use of water images continues with, "like a silent river" and more specific, "searing sweat". Powerful! The final stanza the imagery works to join title (wavering, fading sound) with the forgotten marriage vows. The poem reads well. The only lines that struck me as a bit out of synch with the rest of the poem were, "A kiss goodbye should be a memory, not an experience." It sounded judgemental to me, which doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but that is just me. I really have no concrete suggestions for change as this is well written. Rene 2003-08-28 20:21:52
The Law of MercyDarlene A MooreI find this beautiful. The concept of true forgiveness for the most horrific of of deeds, the betrayal into crucifixion of Jesus by Judas,reassures each of us that though we regularly betray the people around us by seeing them as other than of God, we will be forgiven by a power greater than we can even conceive. In this poem, Judas is given a new life, and isn't that a beautiful concept? I really can't think of a correction to make, except to ask if there should be a comma after "skeletal". Thank you for this poem, Rene 2003-08-24 14:23:47
Soul MateMell W. MorrisI like this. An honest poem, speaking of that which is most important (to me, at least) the honest expression of our emotions in verse. To know that we are not alone, that there is a kindred soul who can truly hear our soul's voice amid the noise of our lives, is invaluable. The spirit of man shines through in verse with incredible richness of language. This poem vey richly presents the thoughts of the poet in a way which mirrors the meaning of the poem itself. Thank you for a thought provoking poem. Rene2003-08-23 19:26:48
HOBO JUSTICEMark D. KilburnWhat an evocotive poem this is. I grew up hearing stories from my father and grandmother about the hobo's who would come to the house looking for a bit of work to be paid for with a good meal, and maybe a night spent in the barn. Those were hard times, and the hobos, though homeless and poor, were for the most part men of integrity and always worked for the food or monies they sought. This poem describes the Hobo as my family portrayed him and shows respect for the men they were. The poem moves from description of the hobo to the passing of the hobo and then past death to an imagined better world for them. I found the sense of freedom well encapsulated in the final three stanza's. The image (leit motif?)of the ghosts and dancing serves to pull this poem together and give its subject a certain unusual beauty. Wonderful imagery! Thank you for the compassionate trip to the past, Mark. 2003-08-16 20:38:51
Let Us Protect YouC ArrownutI like this! The imagery in this poem is easy to picture, the emotions are well portrayed and the humor is welcomed. I was picturing a futuristic society with dust-bunny police stalking the hapless public. And enter the rebel, stage left, who charges about taking impatient swipes at the dust in the carpet and damning all of THEM who demand cleanliness absolute. The final twist when the vacume bag explodes had me laughing aloud. On the serious side, to get as much action and imagery as you did into just a few lines is commendable. Thanks for a truly enjoyable poem! 2003-08-16 20:25:00
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