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Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 96 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Wanda S. ThibodeauxCritique Date
If I were the windJoe GustinJoe, a very sweet brevity. A love poem dedicated to the wind, sun, stars, and snowflakes. Very charming and whimsical. Great write...2015-11-30 04:16:06
MasqueradeJoe GustinHi Joe, Evil may be a bit lazy...there is so much of it in the world we live in, it's just a nightmare. Your last line confuses me slightly. I didn't take the poem to be about war or soldiers. You have used one of my mother's favorite thrashing lines: "Stupid is as stupid does." Lol...Always went with a speech... I'll let you enlighten me...my friend. Take care. Good post!2015-11-25 22:53:08
Apply For The Job No One Really WantsDeniMari Z.Hi DeniMari...I totally agree with you about things being out of our hands...the world is definitely out of our hands and never the twain shall meet...so it seems. None of those in power right now know what needs to be done...they just sit in their political position and wait...it will take a missile or two to wake them up...then...it's too late. Your poem is very astute in looking at these problems, penetrating and honest. A very good write. Best of luck always. Wanda2015-11-23 02:27:51
In A War Of FlowersJoe GustinVery nice poem. Love the second verse: "Let us wear this/to help lady liberty hold/her torch higher/than hatred can reach." Fine job! Joe, you have a flair for the short, sweet, and to the point...My best to you.2015-11-15 07:24:34
HummingbirdJoe GustinHi Joe...hummingbird's are unique and precious unless you have a whole bunch of them and then they will dive at you. No need to capitalize the beginning word of each line. 'earth' is a better fit than 'ground.' This is only a suggestion and an example. I don't think I know better than you but I really liked this and couldn't help myself. Great post...don't yell at me... I am a hummingbird to your unprotected nectar my wings beat in sweet sync to the flowering of your love The warmth of paradise found as perfect an embrace as is sky and earth I see you now so completely new as if I were a night flower viewing the moon 2015-11-13 17:11:58
EXCUSE ME SIR.kevin DunnThis is beautiful, Kevin. Your meaning so real. How true it is that we don't think of these things when we are feeling sorry for ourselves. I'm as guilty as the next...but oh, if we stopped to think and feel there would be lots of wondering going on. A truly lovely write, with careful attention to the heart and its' needs. God bless our soldiers! Great piece!2015-11-11 14:46:39
Anchored By Old Dirty ChainsDeniMari Z.Wow! Depression would be a good name for this but if you don't want to call it that...It just never gets to feeling better or being happier...old dirty chains obviously leave one dismal, lonely and tired...hahaha. Sweet DeniMari...hope this is not personal. It's a great write but so 'castaway' as if one has been cast out of the human race: "then/tirelessly/try again." Love ya, girl...2015-11-11 14:39:20
"Off To See The World such A Lovely World To See"DeniMari Z.Hey Deni...No, I haven't guessed but I would guess: "Off to see the Wizard" if I had to. Somehow, it just makes me think of the "Wizard of Oz." If I am wrong, just laugh at me and go on. It won't be the first time...hahaha. I love the poem tho, the imagery, the way it flows, your tender language used. Wonderful job on writing this. Take good care...God bless.2015-11-07 15:03:38
Inspired AgreementDeniMari Z.Hi DeniMari...Good job on this beautiful Autumn honor poem. It's about to be over though, at least here, in West Virginia...it's getting cold. I dread the big snows. Hope we get spared some of that. Lovely colors you chose in praise of the leaves. Nicely done.2015-11-07 02:38:15
STUTTERING JIM HEDGEHOG OF WW2.kevin DunnHi Kevin...I laughed, patriotic feeling rushed over me, nearly cried...this is just a wonderful piece. You have done a fantastic job with this. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it through twice. Very well written, very interesting, great imagery, great STUTTERING...hahaha. Loved it. You're the best, my friend. My hats off to you!!!2015-11-07 02:30:53
A Soldier.kevin DunnHi Kevin, you surely know how to go for the heart...I really love this poem...I'm afraid war is almost always having to do with a political stance,from before the Civil War and forward. It's even worse now, look at Vietnam. You tried to make it a simple poem but it just wouldn't let you because of its urgency, its desire to serve, its love of soldiers, its ownership of war. And so it is, we all know war and have seen loved ones go and return, not always the same...my father was such a meek and humble person but when he was drafted into the Navy in 1943, he was a 2nd gunner and after seeing his friend standing beside him get his head blown off, he came home waving a forty-five and beating my mother which he had never done but he was just messed up. He never worked again in his life time. Wars do things to men/women and I would like to think there would never be another one but I know not to believe that...Thank you for this poem... God bless...2015-11-07 02:14:54
full-grown babycharles r pittsHello again, Charles...getting rid of a little angerrrrrrrrr...I see. I cracked up at how you got more and more blown up until your mouth was so full of words...they just seemed to boil out at this point and your tirade was finished. I thought it was hilarious. Oh well, you did say: "have a nice day! So, I'm saying 'nice job.' You said it all and very well too.2015-10-30 00:45:24
HomeJoe GustinHi there Joe, this is a fine poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I like that you have used 'Home' as the title. It gives it such a logical place to seek: "If we are what we seek/then let us seek love/to fully discover the depths/of its wonder/to set death asunder///If we are what we wish/then let it be a soul/that out runs the moon/outlasts the sun/to finally find its way home." Oops...you think like me and type words like they sound even tho you know better...last line...finely should be finally...lol, of course, I read it three times before I saw it. You have really made great strides in your writing since I was here. This poem is complete, reads beautifully, has great energy and imagery. Great post! 2015-10-30 00:29:20
Drowing in TodayDeniMari Z.DeniMari: I surely hope this does not apply to you and these can't be your original thoughts. This is very sad and melancholy. Absolutely no one should feel this way:"those who just want to bury all/ache and wonder every day/needing just one hour/to fiercely fight alone/for a reason to want to stay," I wish I had a magic line to give you that would bring peace and understanding to your heart but I don't. I do understand how you feel. Since I lost my husband, I haven't known which way to turn. Living alone is hard and lonely. Sometimes I hate it. Take good care and God bless.2015-10-25 00:00:12
The Bard tells us,kevin DunnHi Kevin: I have to give it to you hands down. Politicians do rant and rave and rail about things they have not experienced and can't really talk about with sense. This is the year for that. The debates have been a circus. We do have several fools up there now playing wise men. May the best man win. Good points made...good job. 2015-10-24 23:48:55
PreyJoe GustinHi Joe: Certainly a tightly written piece. "Only I/can maintain/the illusion" Very thought provoking... written with grit and determination. I liked it.2015-10-24 23:42:38
Dear AnonymousLora SilveyHi again, Lori: This is quite a nice poem from an anonymous fan. We would all love to receive such a complimentary, intelligently written poem in our honor. I love: "I am consumed with the fire/of your torch, for each strophe/ you brush soft against my skin/I taste the honey of your offering." There are other lines that I love also. This is well written, and tells a sweet story as it goes. Fabulous work! 2015-10-24 23:36:38
Lades Beat GoesLora SilveyHi Lora, I read your little song/poem and enjoyed it. You covered a lot of ground with it. Seems that someone has caused the Sheriff to be called: "The clocks ticking loudly as eyes/search windows for bright flashing lights/ears straining for sirens lament." I could be out in left field on this one...just forgive me, please. I've missed you all and happy to be able to talk with you now. Great job!2015-10-24 23:26:18
form without substancecharles r pittsHi there Mr. Pitts, long time no see. I really like this poem, not sure why yet. "Form Without Substance" is a great title. Your three stanzas follow well this guide line. "like the air in a balloon/like touching a plastic heart/like the sound of hollow words" You're right, the substance is gone from these forms...it simply disappeared as if by osmosis leaving nothing of meaning to this piece. Great job...an exercise for all of us. 2015-10-24 23:16:38
A Novel SeasonDeniMari Z.Lovely Autumn scene. It is gorgeous here in West Virginia. The mountains are covered in red, orange and gold. Although the wind is softly blowing, leaves are still hanging on and it is beautiful to see. Your poem inspires that vision for me. It is a "Novel Season" and not one that can be persuaded otherwise. It is meant to be God's painting, God's magnificent bounty displayed on His own canvas of creation. Beautifully done, DeniMari. 2015-10-18 00:54:29
For MumJoe GustinJoe, this is awesome, just a precious memorial to you Mum. It flows beautifully as free verse, has imagery and passion. I'll bet you just took a seat and wrote this straight from the heart, no hesitation. That's how it sounds to me. "I will always know the hearth that was my home and will forever find no matter how lost I get the shores of your love." That is a very moving stanza, I really love it. Great post!2015-10-16 23:59:03
A Conscious FantasyDeniMari Z.Hi DeniMari: It's been a while since I was on the Link. Yeah, reality is known for grabbing our shirts and flipping us around a bit. I believe we daydream a lot more tho...than we take credit for. I enjoy daydreaming now that I am older. I like to just sit outside on the swing and think about the past and my husband who passed in 2008. Daydreams make you lonely tho. Your poem is nice, well written and has clean imagery. I must be slightly dense today because your third stanza just flew over my head like a large umbrella caught by the wind and taken up very high and far far away. I have now read it five or more times and I still cannot relate it to the rest, perhaps your quote: "To not fill up the proverbial cup." So good to see you are still here and posting. I hope you are well and happy. God bless and keep you!2015-10-15 01:07:46
Give GOD The GloryMilton RobertsonHi Milton: This is a fine prose poem, so sincere and reverent. You really got your message across. Your wordage was spot on...in your description of how to go about finding the Lord and learning that you have to "GIVE GOD THE GLORY!" Your self expression is impressive. Your lines are too long in this piece, but the message is clear. Great work! Thank you!2015-10-08 22:14:46
holocaustMedard Louis Lefevre Jr.Hi Medard: Your poem states hard cold facts without feelings it seems, which is how the Holocaust really happened...without feelings or conscious grief playing a part in their actions. They laughed and smiled while they killed, children...or anyone who was a Jew. I'm speaking mostly of the 'Hitler' days and the way he handled the killing camps. I just recently watched the Rwandan massacre and was horrified at how it was portrayed...I had read about it but the movie just shut me down. The Indian conflicts always speak of them swinging babies by the feet and hitting trees with their heads. They deemed that a quick death. OMgosh, I can't bear to think of how cruel and inhumane people were...and they have never changed. Our Native American people do not harbor their hatred of us anymore but I understand how they did in the past...Read the Trail of Tears. As a people, Americans also have sins to answer for. Great post! Thank you!2015-10-08 22:05:56
Love WaitsJoe GustinHi Joe: Don't know what it is about this little brevity that calls to me but it does. Love appears to be a subtle allusion here: "Love waits/reading a newspaper/Love drinks a glass of wine/Loving in the silence." Guess I can't explain it, but I really like it. Lovely imagery! Thank you!2015-10-08 21:41:27
DEATH RIDES A PALE HORSE.kevin DunnHi Kevin: Now this is a great poem, a fabulous story, fair to middling rhyme (LOL). Well written, has great imagery, and reads easily and well. You've done a fine job with this one. I really like it. Hope to see more of these types of pieces. Great post! Thank you!2015-10-08 21:12:28
THE DEAD.kevin DunnHi Kevin: I know this isn't a Halloween poem but it could have been. I can't say that I think one dead person would hanker for pain or hunger...and so I do not understand the last line. Help me out please and tell me the only way to find out for sure. Very neat post! Thank you!2015-10-08 21:02:57
By The Grace Of GODMilton RobertsonHello again, Milton: I love the title to this piece. It surely brings you right into the poem. Your lines length is so much more conducive to a well written poem. Your subject matter is clear and to the point, very gracious and reverent. My favorite line: "I thank you Lord for being in your hands." Another: "When I don't know what to do/I know I can always trust in you." A really special note to God. Very well written. Thank you!2015-10-08 20:53:34
Don't Think You KnowMilton RobertsonHello Milton: Actually, this is an uplifting poem geared to letting others know that they don't really know everything they need to know about the Lord Jesus Christ or the Holy Bible. This poem, although it has a lot of internal rhyme, reads in such a sing song form, it should be a song. Everything it says is nice, written with love for the Lord and great intentions for anyone who reads it and yet its format is frustrating and the lines being so long make it hard to follow. I am no poem scientist but just trying to help you understand how I felt reading this. I can tell you love Jesus Christ and follow his leadership as I do. I commend you for that. It is not my intent to hurt you. Please forgive me for anything I have said that may cause you pain. Thank you!2015-10-08 20:40:47
What Is LoveJoe GustinJoe, I find this poem to be uplifting and interesting. I especially enjoyed the last stanza: "And although we are born to die/the ultimate marker we have of/our time is the love we leave/lingering behind." This really puts a period at the end of what is expected of us before we die. 'Love is the greatest of all' as is said. Your first three stanzas really define well 'hope, love, and life and I truly love how you have written about hope in your second stanza. Well written and meaningful, this is a wonderful post.2015-10-07 13:44:07
Black DiamondDonna Carter SolesHi Donna, You won't believe this but today I was going over the list of all poets who are on this site with the intention of emailing several every day to ask them to submit a poem. You were the first on my list, is that not strange? It looks like everyone has gone away. Maybe it's just summer vacation time. I've bought some credits but not posted yet. I love a lot about this poem. My absolute favorite lines: "I'd rather pluck a flower rich in prime, Than feed a seedling in the rising sun." This poem is musical to me, has a happy beat. Black diamonds should never beat out young love if it is true love. I think this piece is adorable. Well done, Donna. I would not change a thing. Sincerely my best, Wanda 2012-07-22 02:31:43
She Brings (with correction to second line)Lora SilveyHello Lora, This is an interesting poem. Well written, concise, flow is natural and gentle. Favorite lines: Causes a warm feeling of harmony in your heart. "the babies utter soft secrets the ones that lie on toasted leaves to flutter with mornings breath-dew glistened, christening... "Why do you want to hide the truths- perhaps to hide the sin within?" I question hiding truth and sin here. Maybe you will explain. If anything needs changing, I don't see it, Lora. Good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Great work to get the brain moving. Sincerely, Wanda 2012-07-22 02:12:53
Thank you, Deni...James C. HorakOh well, no poem. Nice to talk to you James. Where is everyone? Wanda2012-07-22 01:43:21
Blood MoonMary J CoffmanGirl, this one was a challenge. Very good description of this blood moon. Made me think of vampires tho. I have read this many,many times for understanding and still question the ending (probably all me). I would make a change in thought there if it were mine. See what you think. I travel between eternities trying to shed this burning skin of lies and loss; fossilized in cold isolation. I am sentenced to solitary confinement within the exiled weightlessness of Salvation. Happy Wishes Wanda2012-07-22 01:39:57
Pink Blossomscheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, Lovely poem paints a panoramic view of spring bursting forth. "So the earth has gone mad with beauty", is a great line and is perfect for the beginning of your work. My favorite time of year and I find the scene to be enchanting,enthralling, anything besides unnerving. Your last two lines are splendid, a really good ending and for me is the core of the poem. "Pageant" brings color, excitement, and movement to the landscape. Thanks for the painting! Wanda2012-07-17 00:51:28
and you asked what I want...Mary J CoffmanHi Mary, Just passing thru and saw your poem. I enjoyed it's tender eroticism. Lovely in it's flow beginning with the title, it worked for me for this work. Peaceful suggests tranquilty and may be a better word than peaceable. You can decide but I wanted to make the suggestion. I would shorten the end slightly, something like: "whisper to me those beautiful lies I long to believe". The poem has been so positive all the way to the end and you're lying there in perfect harmony so when you say "that I might feel belief", the tone of the poem changes (perhaps for me only),loses it's sweet, gentle flow which I so loved. You truly have a lovely piece here and please forgive my suggestions, just food for thought. Best wishes! Wanda2012-07-16 03:16:01
For AshleyAudrey R DoneganDear Audrey, This poem, because I could not comprehend it, sent me to bed in a twitch. I'm taking a stab at it anyway. Because Ashley is not named in the poem, I was unsure whether male or female. It seems this person is dying or has died and you are giving directions to that "bright light-Out of mind and out of site." It is the journey there that was a problem for me. You caution, "Hold tight the reins." I find this to be emotional, sad, fraught with a desparate need to guide someone (perhaps even you) into the heavenly light of freedom, even safety. Anyway, dear Audrey, you must look at this for changes, allowing us, as readers, to know more about the person suffering through the rain, the ranting and the raging. Please don't be hurt. I say this because I see the quality of your thoughts in your work. Writing will help bring healing to that pain you carry, that and lots of prayers. Best wishes for peace and joy. Wanda 2005-05-11 22:51:20
The Secret LoveHelen C DOWNEYDear Helen, Welcome to the site. I've never read your work before, very good submissions. I have read this several times to get a feel for what you are saying. The lover really is a secret, an imaginary friend. A great original idea. "The Secret Love" works well as title for this piece. "We met at the Cafe Le TE-It was our usual meeting place to play." I would shorten these lines giving the poem more impact. I see why you used "to play" but somehow it takes on a juvenile tone after that line. This is an adorable piece with just a few changes. We met at the Cafe Le TE, our usual meeting place. After the hugs, we toasted each other, laughing. We were eager to continue our journey. This poem would look and read easier if you took out some of the unnecessary words. Doesn't have to be the example I wrote but your own decision as to words cut. I really like the poem and make suggestions only. Hope you don't mind, I write long lines and too many words also, so I can relate very well. When you have started to do this, you'll see how easily you move right thru the poem making it clearer and clearer for readers. I read your bio so I know you must write and writing other material will allow more words, but a poem must have light. Helen, hope you enjoy your stay here. A pleasure commenting on your work. Hope to see lots more. Best Wishes! Wanda 2005-05-11 22:16:30
ContentmentAudrey R DoneganDear Audrey, It is most mesmerizing to watch the moon. It's nightly show is much the way you have captured it. Don't know if you've ever been to Alabama. I don't live there anymore, but there are so many stars visible there, don't know why. Even the car tags say "Stars Fell On Alabama." I had a friend whose dad owned an island called Castaway. We used to sneak down the stairs and out onto the pier The moon reflected on the water, making golden streaks, if clouds covered it momentarily, it would appear like spider webs on the water. It was breathtaking, we never caught a fish at night because we were too busy listening to the bullfrogs and watching the moon and stars. A big thrill was seeing "shooting stars" which to some are "falling stars." I seldom see one anymore, but then it seemed like miniature fireworks. I've said all this to say, "Contentment" is a good title. This is a visual treat for the reader. If it were mine, I would take out both lines of "deathless in my mind." For me, they spoil some of the great beauty that you are saying will linger in your mind. You can end in much the same way (time may forget this moment, but for me it will linger always), that being just an example, you can do much better than I at ending your poem. I think death/deathless/related words are cold and should not be used in a tribute to our most glorious moon. Anyway you choose, you've written a lovely poem and one you can be proud of. Good luck this month! Wishing you the best. Wanda 2005-05-10 20:48:05
A Long MarchNancy Ann HemsworthDear Nancy, I love parades, tulips, and April so this is a true winner for me. Haiku poems are short, but then like this lovely one, some string together in perfect harmony. That's how I see "A Long March", as a gently painted landscape waking up to Spring. I like your title even tho these short pieces do not require one. If I just wasn't so long winded, I would love to do half this well at writing Haiku. Good luck this month! Sincerely, Wanda 2005-05-10 20:04:13
TVLatorial D. FaisonDear Latorial, Terse and to the point. Must be carpentry in your family because you know well-- how to use a hammer. I enjoy Haiku. Like this one a lot. Take care, I'm saving your eyes this crit...ha! My very best wishes! Wanda 2005-05-10 05:41:59
Father DearestAudrey R DoneganDear Audrey, I read your whole list of poems tonight before I could bring myself to comment on this piece. Not because it isn't well written and poetically correct. It is good poetry. After reading "Daddy" I understand this one better. This poem shows your growth, not in writing so much but in understanding what happened to you. In this piece you seem to be at last putting some distance, "No more will I harbor the scent of you, your eyes or clever expressions. No more will I squander my now precious hours, this night or any other." Child abuse lives on in us forever, it is not forgotten, at times the pain is worse. I think fear is the worst part, it just doesn't happen when someone can stop it, at least not always. I was lucky, I learned to be strong from my mother, but fear can be overpowering sometimes. Being able to write about your life is wonderful therapy, gives the heart release and clears the mind. "Find another place to dwell, my mind is mine and mine alone! Find some other naive child, tonight this orphaned girl has grown." I certainly pray that he doesn't find another child to destroy. Very emotional ending for this reader. If this poem is personal and about yourself, I hope that you are able to stand strong, better to be an orphan than to be used by a sick father. I'm afraid because of subject matter, I haven't said anything that would improve this piece. I don't give technical critiques but felt that I had to comment on this poem. There are no changes needed that I noted. Audrey, I wish you the best, will pray that you life is blessed many times over and that you find the joy of peace within yourself. Sincerely, Wanda 2005-05-09 21:51:09
Traces of WarLatorial D. FaisonDear Latorial, What is so amazing about your work is your passion, your intense feelings about life and what you and your ancestors knew and felt, what they witnessed, what they endured. Every time I read your poetry, I just want to put my arms around you and tell you-- You are not your ancestors, I am not my ancestors. We may resemble them, etc. but we aren't really like them. Our minds and hearts have changed many times down through the generations. Now we stand alone in our convictions and it is our own (in the now) racial integrity we must be aware of. I, too, have had so much happen to me that I am unable to forget, like recurring nightmares, those times haunt my daylife, my nightlife, makes no distinction between the two, just whenever, it takes me wandering down question-mark paths, always coming to an no-answer end-- and I write with your intensity. I am so grateful for my mother's heart, she taught love for everyone as a whole, telling us to love our neighbor and they would love us. I have tried to keep that advise, that no one is different except by heart alone. If someone wants to be evil, they will be and same for those who project goodwill and live by those guidelines. I have picked my path, to love all races, treat all races the same, and try to maintain peace at all cost within the realms of my own capabilities. "as we caress one another from head to toe-we still feel the fear of yesterdays filled with- so much unknown, uncertainty, unrest- there are too many sands of sadness,yet-we pick up the pieces every day to move-on from what carried us so far away." Yes, this is the right action plan. I didn't understand about racism until I became an adult. We just weren't raised to dislike anyone. Some of the happiest people I've ever met have been of the black race, I was actually jealous, then I learned how to study History and knew the truth, different story all together. I had a friend, Molly, who lived just across the gully (shall we say) from us and she kept inviting us children to her church so one Sunday, our mom said we could skip ours and go with her. We did and what transpired was so different, it scared us half to death. When we asked Molly what was happening, she said the Holy Ghost was there and the church was rocking, well, we had never witnessed such loud obvious talking in tongues, such stirring testimonials, we were expecting Jesus on his white steed any moment and I wanted my mama to be there when he came. Not two years later, we were spending time at my aunt's in Georgia and she was asked to speak at a nearby church (not her own Methodist). Before we left, she admonished us about behavior and told us to be quiet no matter what happened. The church was filled with all white, well dressed families. I had on my best red dress borrowed just for the occasion. The service started and there was a break for my aunt to speak and all was well. Then the minister began to preach again and I heard the warning about wearing clothes of color, especially red and I looked down with disdain at my dress, wishing I could strip it off and just stand there in my white petticoat, because by now, there were people crashing to their knees and beseeching God in different tongues, the congregation was crying and testifying at the same time and my feet had the most awful urge to run out the door and down that dirt road as fast as possible. The only thought in my head was, this is no different than Molly's church, we're all alike and my aunt would have some explaining to do. I always thought their prayers became so loud and scrambled because I had on that red dress. Anyway, Latorial, none of this will make you feel any safer, any luckier, it won't take away the pain you've suffered from past history. I just want to say for me those old days are gone and I am my own pathfinder, I choose one of joy and companionship with all mankind. Sincerely always, Best wishes! Wanda 2005-05-08 12:17:55
The Blue Wolf (R)Patricia Gibson-WilliamsDear Patricia, You have such a fine touch with poems like these. Your talent is more obvious with each one I read. This subject matter is new to me. Very interesting. Was this a story you made up or is it really a mythical tale from the stone ages? Either way, you have done a marvelous job of poetics here, your rhyme is perfect (as in your other work). I prefer free verse it seems, unless you write it. I love your gentleness in the use of rhyme, it seems effortless, always the right word choices. Because of the subject, I do hope it is only a myth and the artist simply added the "Blue Wolf" image, using his artistry to create a story such as this. None of that takes away from your gift of writing, you nailed the story and told it as only you can, superbly! Great piece! Best Always, Wanda 2005-05-08 09:10:34
Last NightKenneth R. PattonDear Kenneth, This short, but well written piece says a lot. I can only hope you have had many nights as memorable as this. Mellow and sweetly cheeky all the way to the last line, the perfect Mother's Day Card. If not married, well, the choice is wild. I love the idea of "keeping last night in my pocket like a special beach stone." Each verse is uniquely crafted to be interesting on its own. Of course, the last line gives it away to be the true love poem that it is. I really enjoy your work. I read every poem on the site and find yours always deserves applause. Here's mine! Have a great week. Best, Wanda 2005-05-04 21:18:19
BrokenTerrye GodownHi Terrye, So good to see you back. You've certainly been missed. This is no simple tribute, it's packed full of rich detail, a loving documentary of a woman who overcame all obstacles to take care of her children, one who only gave, nothing taken for herself but love. When you study this piece, you see how much the world has changed, how hard it is to find mothers who remember(literally) their children after taking on a job or career. In this situation, she had to work. You have written "still there were bedtime stories, handmade Halloween costumes, Christmas stockings filled with fruit, and her songs filled the house." I love "eclectic leftovers." Once lived in a town named Eclectic, Alabama. It was lovely and memorable. Although I have read this more than enough, I can't say that I would change anything. It's more than just a slice of life, it's the whole pie in a sense. What a woman she was! I love true stories about real people. Take good care. My best always, Wanda 2005-05-03 21:10:28
Larkspur and LilacsMell W. MorrisDear Mell, Well, of course, I love the title, so reminiscent of days gone, even the name Hilda works great for this piece. I like the fact that she had her own vision (or shall we say hearing) which is common practice for those talented people who lead. "You Are Not Anything But A Hound Dog?" Ain't is a neat word, but all true English teachers hate it. She must have been an English teacher at heart. No one can write poetry like you, Mell. This has the feel of you looking thru old yearbooks, finding those pictures that meant something special and finding old memories that are warm and comforting. I have some dear memories of my old teachers (church and school) also, I couldn't let them go if I wanted to. Changing a song title in Porgy and Bess is quite hilarious and I'm sure she is remembered with great favor because of it. I love those people who are different, the tomatoe in the watermelon patch scenario. Those people make the world a happier place. Great writing, wonderful story. Has to go on my list...and I ain't just whistling Dixie! Best always, Wanda2005-04-13 22:19:11
Ever Overhello haveanicedayDear Barbara, This is just musical, should be a hymn. I love the naturally soft tone it has and the way the lines flow into each other in perfect rhythum. I don't think I have commented on your work before. I have been absent so you may be new, if so, welcome to this poetic space. You will love it here. There are so many favorite lines, "If ever over summer's clover-Winged Carolina wrens could stay-A moment longer for my brushes-I might paint this soft sweet day." What a marvelous beginning for this piece. I would say, don't change a thing. Another wonderful line, "over this thin world of wrong" and your choice of "geraniums" for her nesting place is truly special, my favorite red flower, just the word is like a gentle pat on the heart. This is much worthy of the voting list, Barbara. It's been a pleasure to read your work. Best of luck! Wanda 2005-04-13 21:10:15
About Lovemarilyn terwillegerDear Marilyn, I try not to write often about love. You, however, express very well the experience of eyes meeting and knowing "About Love." You've aced the test here, with 22 syllables to offer a complete and beautiful thought. I should try this, I'm just too longwinded...ha! Happy belated birthday! You have posted many poems I enjoyed very much in the last few months. I always read but have been caught up in a crisis and you know how that is. Tonight I am taking a few moments for myself and this was one of the first to catch my eye. Well, of course, I wanted to check your syllable count...just teasing...teehee! Is there a rule about caps, subject matter, as in Haiku? Hope you have been well. Please keep posting, you have really made great strides in your writing. I am most sincere in saying your posts have been lovely and a pleasure to read. Always, Wanda 2005-04-12 00:16:33
She-Who-DreamsJoanne M UppendahlDear Joanne, This is a soft mystical piece. The title is just perfect. "She-Who-Dreams calls clouds to tumble their soft tears on her waiting face for parched fields of grass." So she loves rain and the way it gives life that new green glow. "Weaves threads of weather's whirl and stir into night, then makes quilts of stars." I love this verse especially. I would take out "then" in this line. For me it reads easier, more naturally. "makes quilts of stars" is a stunning visual. "Only then, spirit mountains (my favorite kind) chant pale moons into the palms of her nimble hands. These are gentle thoughts and only you could write such a sweet ode to "She-Who-Dreams" Makes me think of Dances With Wolves. Have a great weekend! My best always, Wanda2005-02-25 21:42:53
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