DeniMari Z.'s E-Mail Address: writer356@hotmail.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by DeniMari Z.	Critique Date
As the World Churns..or...Caveman Crossing	Ellen K Lewis	Aha - I was fooled - Thank you so much for sharing this brilliant piece -there is nothing I would change in it -with the exception of your word choice in the last verse - to me there is no perfection - omitting this word would cleverly give more potential to make this a winner in Feb. blessings, Deni	2012-02-16 11:31:11
as the world churns or caveman crossing	Ellen K Lewis	This is def intense writing Ellen - with a structure I've not seen before and I believe it takes away from the poetic influences that would make this poem stand out in a brilliant fashion. Imagery and message intended are too profound to be lost in the flow - which happened to me while reading this. I'd do a rewrite - like I do with my own - because I think this could be at the higher level by the end of Feb. voting period, blessings, Deni	2012-02-16 11:29:21
The Dove	Steve A Van Allen	Quite endearing and beautifully written. We all want peace but to strive against the negative influences in life is challenging - we must look beyond and be able to accept the evil in life - and move up and over it to remain calm in our own minds and hearts. Lovely, blessings, Deni	2012-01-30 09:55:05
Wishing	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Love your choice of font in this poem it adds to the emotions written clearly about how relationships and the complexities of each individual one keeps us guessing and changing all the time in life. Very deep thoughts that I can relate to in this. You've written each line and countered the thoughts very well. We all wish for so many different things in life at so many different levels and this poem is sound and speaks to the reader. Very nicely done - I enjoyed reading this and sinking myself in and absorbing every word written. blessings, Deni	2012-01-30 09:50:47
Wooded Ground	Dellena Rovito	Dellena this is breathtaking from beginning to end. What beautiful imagery you've chosen with your own words to take us to a place and keep us there mesmerized in time while each line is clearly perfected to blend and enhance a very memorable poem. There is absolutely nothing I could add to enhance or change this post. You have definitely captured the essence of spirit, nature and being with this very profound write. Love it!!!! blessings, Deni	2012-01-30 09:47:04
The Pit Pony	Kay C Steward	I have to say I am enlightened in to the topic of Pit ponies is this write. It's unfamiliar territory for me - as I have little knowledge of coal mines in general but through your words that give depth along with the note you provided I can appreciate this write. You have a great rhyme scheme in this and well placed imagery along with the story of what transpired - There is depth far beyond what is written for the reader without much left to imagine which works in this piece - It's a depiction or a view of what is seen through you and you have cleverly put it all together. Good job Kay - I imagine you took your time to complete this poem and it is well worth the read. blessings, Deni	2012-01-13 09:10:28
Visiting the Old Blog	Mark Steven Scheffer	Happy New Year Mark - Some undertones of sarcasm noted - and truly hope this new year does not have me molding shit. I've done enough of that in my life time - but I am interested in the mop; more imagery on the mop - You are just the best so keep up the good work and never underestimate how pleasurable your words are to those of us who know and love you best here. blessings, Deni	2012-01-12 08:57:34
Seek Escape	cheyenne smyth	Beautiful Cheyenne - Almost song like - with hope, inspiration and imagination of what can be in life once we free our minds and take time to appreciate our lives. Love the first stanza where you say "In real life dreams snicker away without a backward glance..." - These words are just not poetic words but true words of having dreams that never materialize. For certain when they've disintegrated it's much like they've flown away never to be thought of or dreamed of again. We let loose of those dreams -but have the ability to dream again - Amazing poem - with so much in it - truly written from the heart of a gentle spirit who knows how to live beyond reality and use imagination to inspire others. Well done, blessings, Deni	2012-01-12 08:53:39
Puppet	cheyenne smyth	Hi Cheyenne - this poem has such a strong start to it - your word choice and imagery are flawless. Truly poetic and tender words stand out in the first three verses of this poem. No one wants to be controlled in life by another -and there are those that will try there best to guilt or shame someone in to submission - we all have the right to live life according to what we want to do -and the freedom you seek will lead to happiness with pure joy in your heart. It's the last verse that I hesitated with a bit - a single change may help tighten the ending for you such as: So let me dance on these fragile strings you hold so tightly when all I want is what freedom brings. Just a suggestion, otherwise I really enjoyed this poem for the context and message it sends out to everyone who reads it. Blessings, Deni	2012-01-02 10:43:43
To My Children	Mandie J Overocker	Oh Mandie; how traumatic to have survived such an ordeal at such a young age. My heart goes out to you with knowing the pain that comes from loosing two children myself, a daughter at full term along with my grown son Shaun when he was 29 and words can only comfort the heart for a short time. The pain lives on inside and no matter how hard we try to pretend that we've not been changed by these events in life we are and it's life lasting. We never know the answers to why such cruel and unusual events transpire in our lifetime, we can only find our way through the years seeking solace in our own individual ways. Believe that you will be reunited as I believe I will see my children again in another place at another time - but for now search within your heart and be kind to yourself - no one lives through something like we have without gaining strength and that strength we have is to share with others. blessings, Deni	2012-01-02 10:37:08
Accustomed To The Fire	Mandie J Overocker	Nicely written Mandie, with clear comprehensive verbiage that allows the ready to step in and view this emotional write and almost be able to feel the pain. Blessings of comfort are coming - and that shows strength - Seems we all walk on hot coals in the midst of our lives at one point or another - I myself can relate - Great job, blessings, Deni	2011-12-30 09:45:58
End of your Rainbow	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	I love this poem. I can see someone who has been through emotional duress and is tired of it. The hope is at the end of this poem. Vibrant riches are superficial and hold little meaning to someone who wants to secure more in life - outstanding imagery - as the reader follows the path of the writer step by step with interesting verbiage that lends the picture with words placed exactly as they should be - to complete quite an impact on the reader. Very nicely done Kimberly - thank you for posting and sharing, Great work, blessings, Deni	2011-12-30 09:42:52
What Do You See?	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hello Kimberly, trust me I'm not a pro - but a few things stood out in this poem about diversity that with a bit of fine tuning would in my opinion only have more impact on the reader. In the first two lines I would change Difference to differences as a collective group that would be on time with sometimes - the plural - as in: Differences in hues sometimes are all we think about In the next two lines I would recommend starting with the second line - Close your eyes - then add Look inside to all that's out - putting it more in proper arrangement - The last two lines stand on their own - so in essence the poem would read as such: Differences in hues sometimes are all we think about Close your eyes look inside to all that's out Empathize and you will have no doubt of our similar point of view Only my view of what could enhance what you've written if just rearranged a bit - Good job, we all perceive things differently in life which makes us all complete individuals; yet we can relate to things in the same way at most times. The topic or issues and concepts of life all vary. blessings, Deni	2011-12-27 15:38:19
Old boy a Macdonald acrostic	Dellena Rovito	Sound piece of writing yet I wonder who the Cad is. This could be related to politics - or to anyone who promised something good that never transpired because it was never possible to begin with. Good read - I enjoyed this a lot. blessings, Deni	2011-12-27 15:29:59
Saving Your Intentions	Mandie J Overocker	I see the past is still stalking your present and I am glad you are writing about it - it all has to go - and be vented out in written form - yet I wonder where we as people can realize that it can never be changed - the scars are forever - yet somewhere in time we have to let it go in order to move on - it's a struggle of emotions but it doesn't have to be your forever - I pray for peace of mind as I do for everyone - and those that live to scar others never know the full damage they have done - and most likely move on without any remorse. blessings, Deni	2011-12-21 01:27:25
Faith	Kay C Steward	Excellent write. I too believe that with faith there is always hope that keeps us from complete despair. Love the word choice in this - "an unknown hand" - because we never know who or what will overcome our despair and keep us in a place where we are able to realize that all fear can be resolved in which ever manner suits us best. For me it is prayer - but I agree hope replaces fear instantly. Kudos on a wonderful poem, blessings, Deni	2011-12-21 01:24:07
Hollow Acrimony	Mandie J Overocker	Most def dark writing Mandie and it makes me think of that movie about Joan Crawford "Mommy Dearest", where she was portrayed a monster of a Mother on the inside yet her fans were never informed of what dysfunction went on inside of her famous abode. Strong in emotions of abuse, unwanted and all so unnecessary - I enjoyed this write - it makes me shiver and realize how much abuse this world is full of - not only to innocent children but to all sorts of people in life - good write, blessings, Deni	2011-12-21 01:21:26
The Tea Trade	Mark Andrew Hislop	What a beautiful love poem. Enticing, erotic and sensual to each line you have written. Very clever verbiage with using "tea" to enhance the poem - and one lucky couple to drink from the cups - and sail on through life with love that seems endless. blessings, Deni	2011-12-21 01:18:20
Asylum Seekers	Kay C Steward	How sad a venture for them. Your poetic description stands on it's own with lending us a vision of what they had to endure much likely knowing they were doomed; I can't imagine the idea that death would be coming soon or that I would be able to process it before it happened. It's dramatic and comes to life with your words verse to verse it flows solemnly in touch with every piece put together complete comprehensive and profound. Very good writing - sad - but well worth the read and education it gives us the readers - blessings, Deni	2011-12-21 01:16:11
Finding Me	Mandie J Overocker	Strong in character, and seeing the light. This is a wonderful poem that clearly has a message for not only us here at TPL but for the world to read and appreciate. No one should ever feel less than or have their self-esteem trashed by others. Very much enjoyed the whole poem and have no suggestions to better what you have written. Kudos Mandie, & blessings, Deni	2011-12-13 23:43:48
Just the Facts	Dellena Rovito	Amazingly funny! Straight to the point with a hilarious ending - I know a lot of "Happy" people and I won't interfere with their bliss. No nits, it stands on it's own Dellena -& I very much enjoyed this from beginning to end. blessings, Deni	2011-12-13 23:41:18
Bleeding Sheep	David Keesey	Well, someone definitely turned your bowl of cornflakes upside down didn't she? The start of this poem is clearly someone who thought she was a "Goddess" in life breaking hearts along the way. Next you interject humor in a ladies most insulting way which makes it lighthearted in the midst of expressing how her character has been less than and you want her to know this but she will never know because she doesn't have the mind to feel remorse for her actions. Clever poem -really enjoyed this, blessings, Deni	2011-12-13 23:38:48
Feeding on Innocence	James C. Horak	Bold, filled with honest collection of thoughts put to paper with a vast detest of what is happening that makes this piece stand out. Your words flow in a subtle manner yet bring out the "sewer", that seems never ending - and will always smell foul. Very nicely done, and I would say thumbs up and congrats on a piece well worth reading, taking note of the intensity in which you have written this. Blessings, Deni	2011-12-01 23:43:18
Heated Moments	Dellena Rovito	This is a sweet poem Dellena. It's like comfort food, a nice short piece that is endearing and cleverly written. Enjoyed this very much. blessings, Deni	2011-12-01 23:40:17
I Drift	cheyenne smyth	Simply inspiring, and I've noticed a trend in writers here leaning towards more spiritual pieces. I wonder if the coming holiday is giving everyone the muse to write such beautiful pieces. This truly stands out to me; and tells me not only do you have faith but you understand how religion places focus in your life and a direction to follow - Very lovely, Deni	2011-12-01 23:38:59
In Light Unite	Mandie J Overocker	What an immense step towards progress in self-healing with words that are comprehensive with your message being found in the first few lines. It's a good way to perceive life in general and you have accomplished a nice piece of poetry with finding light - and giving that light out to others via this poem. Blessings, Deni	2011-12-01 23:36:46
Prayer to the Beloved Enemy	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, Very nice to see you post here again and with such an inspiring poem full of spirituality. It's absolutely breathtaking to read the passion you have instilled in this flawlessly flowing honor to the one most high above; engaging the reader to find their humbled heart and realize that without the Holy Spirit in life we are lost sheep floundering without a joyful purpose. Just lovely, blessings, Deni	2011-12-01 23:34:22
Frilly Dress	cheyenne smyth	Very touching and beautiful piece blending spirituality with life and love. Your structure is flawless and this one line makes a strong impact in this poem: that sings while lovers swoon in sonnet’s tune, she know she lives where all her rhymes belong For me it's about understanding that we are where we are suppose to be in life and accepting it as it is, Very romantic, peaceful write. Kudos Cheyenne! Well done! I adore this poem. blessings, Deni	2011-10-09 21:22:24
The Key	cheyenne smyth	More of intense piece of writing for you showing that with life there are times that we seem to drift through not knowing exactly what to say, and are at a loss for words. In this post I notice you are soul searching and expressing that in a nice poetic form. Very much enjoyed this and we have to find those keys - and open doors where the love, light and laughter are waiting for us. blessings, Deni	2011-10-03 08:28:36
John 3:5	Mark Steven Scheffer	I'm fairly speechless after reading one of the best poems I've come across in a long time. I've no idea where to start because the whole of tis poem has such depth beyond the norm of a amateur writer that it's so hard to point out all the best lines in this. They are all inclusive and comprehensible with spiritual tones added in to take a reader to a dream like state - and want to stay there for a long time. You are my fav poet here, and you have outdone everyone of us with this poem. You own this; you have stood up and shown how your talent shines with every line in the memorable write. blessings to you once again for your continued skills in writing, Deni	2011-09-30 00:29:20
Sailor Man	cheyenne smyth	This poem has powerful depth to it, with metaphors that stand out with a beautiful flow and structured tale of what lies out on the sea. Once again you've mastered imagery while capturing the readers attention - it's always the anticipation, of wanting to get to the next verse with your poetry and the reader is never left feeling the mesmerizing lines you write. Truly a meaningful well written poem - with one small nit - It read flawlessly until the ending - then I hesitated because you through off form and flow with your last line. In any case, it doesn't take away from the whole wonder of this read, Nicely done!, Blessings, Deni	2011-09-30 00:23:20
Flashback	Mandie J Overocker	Doubtful that any of us will ever know everything in life because of the vast amount of things to know, learn and do with the short amount of time given. This is a thought provoking poem Mandie - and the structure and style are on spot. Thank you for posting the note along with this poem it lends the reader the purpose for the write and you have done a wonderful job of interjecting your personal touches through out this piece. I really enjoyed this a lot. blessings, Deni	2011-09-13 14:53:00
When the Dark Passenger comes calling	Michael Bird	Deep, dark with death as the message that stands out in this chilling write - Great imagery and in time for the haunting coming next month. Unique and certainly noted for the overall morose tone concerning how quickly a life can end. My only question would be why you chose not to capitalize the last two words of the title, and one tiny slip in your 6th line, to needs to be too deep. Otherwise quite entertaining with horror that leaps out to the reader. blessings, Deni	2011-09-13 14:48:49
To Stand in Truth	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie -Powerful depth of emotions portrayed via a traumatic event that happens in life - and those feelings are so hard to work at let alone write about if the poem lends truth to the writer's life. It is stark and has a good rhyming scheme but I see a few places where if you omit words - and tighten up the poem it would stand out and allow the reader to feel more impact through each verse. Noted are your chosen words that lean towards hope, which is always available for anything in the world. you've been writing a lot this month, it's nice to be able to read your work. blessings, Deni	2011-09-02 23:46:26
Spaces	Mark Andrew Hislop	Truly remarkable poem Mark. I simply read and enjoyed each part of this poem, to the point where I considered it to be the art of someone who knows how to place each word - with each emotion - to take a reader from the now somewhere else and entertain with poignant words, something that needs to be elsewhere than just here at TPL. Stephanie should be proud, very proud of this poem. It is strikingly beautiful from beginning to end. blessings, Deni	2011-09-01 00:17:46
Trouble in Paradise	Mark Steven Scheffer	Depth is noted. A troubling fight when one digs deep to pure soil, Yes has the blonde only love for the "words" or for the person who pens them? Thought provoking -Powerful beginning because it's over said through time that "some have no conscience when science specifically proves the difference. It is where one's priority lies within each mind - where people judge if they consider or don't consider their actions. More depth and I believe you refer to "Adam", of Adam & Eve - apples gave this away - the use of the "C" word - jolts the line - yet I see that word in a lot of your writes so it has to have a powerful meaning to point out what is considered scum, in a woman's soul, which I have found out truly exists is some. I like to think I escaped that with being born of a different nature. Truly one of your best thus so far this year -and def worth reading, and when in the hell are you going to self-publish? The world is waiting to eat this up Mark. blessings, Deni	2011-09-01 00:13:12
Perspective	Kenneth R. Patton	Well, you certainly fooled me with this one. I enjoyed the fun in this write, where you take us from something very profound and memorable with a shrug off with a hunger pang. No need to pick at this - it stands on it's own. So wonderful to have you back here, Loved it, every word. blessings, Deni	2011-08-30 21:23:51
Wolf Eye Cry	Mandie J Overocker	Good poem Mandie - yet I wonder if you omitted the second verse completely if it would be complete in itself with that. Just my opinion but for me it takes away from the best in this write. Rocky ridges in Heaven, I'd do a quick re-write and see what you think by omitting that verse. I've been taught the same by some great writers here- and they were always on the money. Enjoyable imagery, blessings, Deni	2011-08-30 21:21:27
Limitless	Thomas H. Smihula	A touch of darkness in this poem Thomas as well as starting out with a powerful line. What are the limits? How does one measure limits on anything until tested to meet the boundary and either, stop or exceed. Very good line - and worth noting in this stark piece of writing. Enjoyed this one because of what it doesn't say - which stays with the poet in the chamber - Excellent, blessings, Deni	2011-08-29 16:05:45
From Within	Mandie J Overocker	There is a "defined" message in this poem Mandie. An awakening from the dark and the need to hear more than what your ears are hearing/or have heard in the past. It def is on the darker side but with hope at the ending which makes it stand out. Very nice rhyme, you have a knack for rhyme that is impressive. blessings, Deni	2011-08-29 15:58:24
Love vs Wealth	Jessie L Carder	Hi- thank you for joining us on TPL - this poem is rich with emotions that instantly say "Money does not buy happiness in life, especially when it comes to love." Complete love can endure and remain as long as two put their minds to accomplishing goals in life, with fortitude in all directions being placed as a priority. Very lovely expression with a good rhyme scheme that allows the reader to easily comprehend each verse - and enjoy the poem in it's entirety. My only suggestion, is one I've been told about several times is watch punctuation - and in the second line of each verse there is no need to capitalize the first letter - Aside from that I'm happy to be able to read from a new writer here - and hoping to see a lot more posts from you. Best of luck - blessings, Deni	2011-08-25 21:35:50
Bang! Bang!	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie- having a male cat for 3yrs now made me instantly relate to this poem. Quite a clever build up - only to discover the twist at the ending of this poem. Your readers could let their imaginations run wild with thoughts of "what" was causing the disturbance. Very light piece with happy tones injected - a nice change of style and a pleasure to read as well. Blessings, Deni	2011-08-25 13:12:53
Caught Up	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, much noted discontent embedded within this write as in wisdom pours from your pen to someone who has yet to live to be reasoned with and sets boundaries with having a closed mind to events in life. This is what I took from this poem. I could be wrong, yet I feel just a simmer of anger or perhaps teaching needed to allow someone to feel your emotions that flow and and lend the touch to a thought provoking piece. Very nicely done, blessings, Deni	2011-08-24 23:07:32
Songbirds	cheyenne smyth	I do love the way you are able to choose words that bring nature in to a poem that coincides with another venue; such in this flawless piece of love. Cheyenne - I feel that my critiques may dismay you in one manner because I have nothing but good things to say - and never dig deep to pick at a single vowel choice you use; but remember your talent exceeds the point where such a challenge is necessary. Absolutely beautiful - from beginning to end - Best to you for August votes, on my list, blessings, Deni	2011-08-24 23:03:21
Why?	Mark Steven Scheffer	Powerful - I adore it. 2nd and 3rd verses stand out - and you write because God gave you the thoughts, the talent to put words together as such to please a reader - and do it well. Enjoyed the repetitive "Well, well, well, it just adds a touch of something much different which completes this in an unusual way. Will always say you were born a writer, and gave much thought while reading this poem - a natural more casual style that brings the reader in and leaves this reader properly entertained. blessings, Deni	2011-08-24 22:59:37
Remember When	Kenneth R. Patton	Oh you couldn't remember? Glad you figured it out because this is wonderful. There is so much in this poem I ponder where to start my critique. I can say it's the best I've read this month. It has a powerful outstanding message - with few words takes on it's own story of life - you've captured a great emotion in this reader, as anxious needs refuge - like a cocoon - if only briefly we all most def need a place to stop, pause, regroup, reflect and move on for the better. Delightful, blessings, Deni	2011-07-30 22:27:49
Passion	cheyenne smyth	Visuals of color make this piece stand out. Clever to combine colors with emotions and present them in a love poem that leans towards true love as we are suppose to know in life. Once again you are true to your form, style and together pieced words in sync that make this a pleasurable read. Blessings, Deni	2011-07-30 22:24:27
The Messiah	Mark Steven Scheffer	Truly unique and wonderfully written poem. The humor injected is appreciated with visuals of the fat man, and his ice cream - as the lean one knows in a calm manner - that all the lies are true. The happy ones represent the need to laugh & enjoy, and I too would wait for the lean one. He knows, without a doubt the most important lesson in life - Fantastic, Blessings, Deni	2011-07-30 22:22:14
If You Know	Kenneth R. Patton	Most definitely a parent - and proud as well after single parenting my daughter is an RN, after going to school while raising three sons, dealing with MS, and is doing quite well in her chosen career. Seeing my oldest son volunteer with a Fire Department at age 16 and moving up to Chief of Fire/Rescue/EMS by age 27 (RIP 4 years Aug. 6th, 2011 Shaun) and now my youngest on a path - and overcoming obstacles for a young man of 20 - With pride from one parent to another - May God continue to shine these blessings in your life. I imagine you were a great role model - and I'm feel happy when I read this poem. blessings, Deni P.S. I'll pick at you later for you being away too long. (smile)	2011-07-24 08:59:50
Where	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Very touching and emotional piece that touches the core and being of an inner place which can be moved by words such as these. I too, have buried too many over the past,too many in too short of a time. One my oldest son who was only 29. I understand the depth of these words. Reflections looking back,looking forward - no one knows what will ever be from day to day. Yet we have hope through any event in life that we can escape pain but we have no control. Crying the release is expressed very well - I don't hold my emotions in over the death of my son. I learned they had to be released in order for me to heal - it's a process. Yet tears of joy - are so overwhelming whey you have something that makes you so happy it makes you cry. This is very thought provoking and well written. It makes me wonder why we cry when we are in emotional pain and yet joy i.e. weddings, blessings, surprises make us shed tears as well. Very good poem, I really enjoyed reading this, Kudos & blessings on my list for July, Deni	2011-07-22 17:10:10
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