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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Terry A	Critique Date
Wind Chimes	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena "Flowed as wind rippled over the cystal chimes" is such a beautiful line, one that perhaps shows poetry at its finest. No discordant undertones in the entire of this poem, and the substance of the poem summed up in the "I believe goodness will prevail" contains both a statement of who the poet is ("personal tones of faith")and a hope necessary perhaps to most of us. One of the reasons I also like this poem is because it is so important to remember the best of what we can all be. That faith is necessary every time anyone watches CNN. Merry Christmas to you. Terry	2008-12-14 14:14:18
Terry's Latest Submission	James C. Horak	Thanks. The poem was lightweight, but sometimes is what so far I haven't been able to find any really informed information on the non-determinist movement in poetry; but I gather (and I gather simply by studying the words) it means open-ended, not completely defined, where effects may precede causes so there's a timeless quality simply not all summed up in a tidy little pkg. For the most part, I stopped reading others poetry, because imitation is too easy for me, so I read dictionaries...it brings me closer to the meaning of words and then I can write my own meanings using words more fully. Words become tokens placed in context instead of enclosed objects with strictly defined meanings. I will still read other poets but none of the published "old school Harold Bloom" ones for awhile. What poetry society didn't define itself newly? The title of my poem...I believe you understand fully beyond what is written here. "fanciful"? maybe, the world seems to need some of that. It's lightweight but doesn't drag down. Nothing has to be mundane...and poems especially don't have to ever be mundane, poetically speaking. Terry	2008-11-22 12:15:52
Fire Ant	James C. Horak	Fire ants. Had to look them up, as these little creatures don't bite in my neck of the woods. Yikes! A fire ant queen is protected and groomed by her workers. These ants have hive (more commonly known as -borg- by sci-fi fans) mentality. It means they don't/can't think individually. They attack in groups, even small animals. Individuation has always determined the final development stage of any poet that has stood the test of time. That is what makes their work stand out and come to something. This poem is highly metaphoric, as I see, so is the fire ant. Great choice for an extended metaphor. The Queen fire ant is born with wings -the soul of a poet, for sure. Something causes their wings to fall off, then they crawl in the mud, supervising their workers. This poem also hints at elitist aristocracy,(palaces) those who judge others as less. Nobility of spirit has never been conferred by degrees, often only a pompous attitude towards those less so-endowed. There is no university or college that gives a degree that enables one to write GIFTED verse. Only the deluded think so. And I don't think there has ever been a great (real) scholar that was also not a humanitarian. I digress a little from your poem, but good poems make people THINK, not just look for the insecticide. There is a fly that decapitates the fire ant, just the sound of its wings causes the ants to hide. I'd change the word "cranking" to fit the metaphor better. Wait. Gadfly. cranking. Get it. Now this poem shows a beauty of condensed meaning, one of the elements of poetry that distinquish it from prose. And the metaphor is as rich as any metaphor could be. And I have not even touched upon the mating habits of the fire ant, but somewhere, "Nature loves you" makes it much larger than the insect world. Terry	2008-04-05 18:38:29
What Once Was	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, You write the most youthful poems. This one poses the quandaries of joy like love. Almost child like... "where is it?" like a flower tucked away that one looks for at the last minute before running off to school. The 'you- we- I" - of the poem is done so well, it's almost deceivingly simple, yet brings the reader to the...."you know" perfectly. Also shows what's becoming your most individual way of ending poems. The poem has joy in it and faith. To speak of poetic craft in the face of such exuberance seems besides-the-point; but "it exist" might be better as "it exists". The poem almost reads like a mosaic of musing, just don't forget the little details that can distract from the read. Terry	2008-03-30 03:14:58
The Grasping Cacoon	James C. Horak	For many people the word 'love' is a synonym for caring for the well-being of others. Or not a word, but a feeling that isn't easily put into words. And that romantic love is a little like a flu that people recover from, some more gracefully than others. Or the poem speaks of a parent's love for a child - that feeling is sometimes this perennial. Or the note speaks...more of a god's love. For who else but a god could anticipate so perfectly how an individual might change? When I think of love I always think it has something to do with geometry. Someday I'll find out why this thought occurs to me. Some say love enables all things noble, all sacrifice, all giving. But this is that synonym stuff again. Or that true love is impersonal, but that's like saying poems are impersonal. "A silk cord tying love to possession"...sometimes it seems more like tying love to gravity, most seem to have heavier feet then they want. Possession and obsession are like an abscessed tooth in the subconscious, hardly the whole of it, but difficult on the system. It's late, I'm rambling around thoughts; and you have presented such a wonderful poem, I should not. Perhaps change often has a little bit of nostalgia and a little bit of regret in it. Sometimes it's the spur of life force, where to not grow is death. That's the pivotal point that people can come to...once passed, it's either growth or diminishment. Idle comfort is really no comfort...I can see on people's faces what it costs them to act like it is. Perhaps it's similar to planets that come to crossroads. A good poem always makes a person think and feel. This one did. Terry	2008-03-30 02:31:07
We Care - But We Don't	DeniMari Z.	Hi DeniMari, This poem is a rant about ingratitude and self-sacrifice. Yet almost surprisingly free of bitterness. The literalness and lack of really gut-wrenching language in such themes as this one, usually mean the writer has not lost sight of what is important to them and the lessons learned are not too impossibly or darkly over-whelming. Also, the very intense, is very seldom as 'sing-songy' as the rhythm of this poem is. Terry	2008-03-09 21:04:52
The Beggar	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, The theme of gratitude come upon in the final lines of your poem. This poem truly shows that so often it is in the most unexpected ways, that something touches us with its meaning so intensely that all the travail of living vanishes, even for just awhile. The read of the poem and the description give it a medieval air, one appropriate to your telling. We forget sometimes that there are those not so contrained to the 'rat race', that have placed their values on different advance. That doesn't mean I'm sympathetic to the "Blessed are the poor..." when it's meaning was supposed to confront a corrupt priest caste, not make or give saintliness to poverty. That is not what your poem adresses, I understand this. Good poem and nice to see your range of subject matter expanding. Terry	2008-03-09 20:21:17
Reflections	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, The images - 'When I saw my reflection' 'In a mirror colored sky' are wonderful, and repeated with "I'm getting older still"; lend a certain poetic grandness to this poem. The repetition does give it a slight backdrop of music, also poignantly carry the sentiment, that of loss and change and introspection. The weakness of the poem, where you lose the poetry of it, is in the first stanza, too literal, also lacking in any poetic justice to the rest of the poem. 'I've been afraid of changes' and 'When life sometimes makes you bolder' are also too literally dull; and 'Like a bird in flight' is way too much of a cliche, and it dampens the poem's peculiar promise. I wouldn't bother saying all this, but there is a very nice music to the poem and it is really worth revising, just be a little more creative with a few of the lines. Sometimes it's just the time between changes that gives enough pause to reflect. 'Dreams that wrap around all of the memories', lend them far more significance in reflection -quite a lovely thought. Terry p.s. Stevie Nicks has some great songs.	2008-03-03 01:36:00
Melancholy’s Finale	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, This poem is delightful and so deceptively simple. Finale, the movement that leads to the body of the poem, which defines melancholy as being sad thoughtfulness. You use capital letters to delicately emphasize the change in thought, and the lack of punctuation in this poem, establishes a very contemplative pace, as though mirroring thoughts as they go through the mind. When thinking we do not punctuate (as though written on paper) our thoughts, rather space exists between them.) Now, in six short lines you bring up the most significant of subjects, 'mysteries of the mind', 'sadness of the soul' and "a miracle rare'. 'Science' and the other word in the poem most related to science, 'impervious' - impermeable, watertight; which swings back on the 'are still unknown'. As though science is not able to explain the mind or the soul or as yet hasn't, or so is 'wondered'. Every line in this poem enhances the other lines and it is effective because the reader is drawn into the contemplation, by thinking of these subjects too. Few words to raise questions of the highest calibre. The reader is 'left to wonder' too. That is what this poem achieves, it opens the doors to these thoughts. 'Requiring a miracle rare' is exquisite. As though the soul might touch upon the unexplained grace that miracles are, in receiving what is most needed. Terry p.s. Ken: No writer's block there! Glad to read the Muse is visiting you again!	2008-01-24 23:02:18
When Love Is Not Enough	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem has some beautiful lines, 'fog that flickers when I sigh' is really lovely. The tone, that of sorrow exampled by your using the elements of nature to mirror your inner state. Done quite well, and made poignant by not over-dressing, restraint intensifying your meanings. This poem finds tradition in all poems of love and loss, characterized by the inevitable change that time brings to all things. The poem speaks of resolve brought about by this. And the enormous difficulty of 'walking away' from the memories of someone so significant to your feelings. This leaves the reader with the question, can you walk away? Keeping all the memories, yet freed of the gravity of the past? Making of what remains of your life, something fuller by the past, but not limited to or burdened by it? Your poem shows slivers of resolve to do this, yet the weight of sorrow seems so strong. As you say, "First Footsteps are the longest'; but then you can't 'lose yourself in continuous sorrow'. I would change the word, 'continuous'; to better support the ending of the poem. I like that your poems are never overly-decorated and always dominated by sincerity. Because your poems are so personal, they never presume upon the reader any understanding that is not yours. Most of what you've posted on TPL is Romantic, emphasizing the importance of personal emotion and unity with nature, where nature and emotions might touch the soul. A good poem, Marilyn. Successful to its meaning. Terry	2008-01-23 17:17:23
Proceed With Caution	Rene L Bennett	Hi Rene, There are a few interesting things about this poem. By not using punctuation ("stopping for none'), you emphasize the subject, that of a journey. Then the unstructured indentation of lines, also bring to mind that of a winding mountain path. The rhyme is child-like which hints of newness, diction is as simple as can be, which again stresses this almost unencumbered feeling of leaving things behind. The title 'Proceed With Caution' relates to 'looking both ways' but with resolve 'stopping for none', and with 'no desire to turn back'. The mountain is a symbol of progress to something better, climbing is always up. In the most simple of ways, you present an experiential poem, where the reader senses the events in the poem transcend themselves, suggest a larger reason for the victory. But you do not portray any sense to the reader of what it all means, why there has been progress from the lowlands. The poem indicates much more, but there is no hint to the meaning. If you could provide more context, the poem would have more substance. Or else, bring more imagery into it, so you give the poem more flavor. The poem doesn't have to tell the reader everything, but this one is too skeletal. Terry	2008-01-22 23:59:59
Gone The Sweet Sound Of The Lark	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, In this poem, you’re mixing ideas around like a recipe gone amok –‘sweetness in the middle of a cream puff’ meant to convey empty calories, no sustenance, sweetness without depth - that metaphor is the closest to your meaning. This ties well into the theme of your poem, that of distress with superficiality. The poem is a statement about wanting substance, real meaning; “kingdom of wonderful intentions” and the disappointment ‘thought something special was there’. Wanting ‘not magic’ but ‘all things noble’, in short, things to be exactly as they seem not “pretentious façade that cannot be readily trusted”. You state you do not want false sweetness, false praise but you do not make a case for ‘predacious spider’s web’; unless you bring into the poem the reasons for the harshness/judgement conveyed by these words. Many praise because they want to be liked, many flatter because they are afraid of confrontation, many smile because they really have nothing to say. Superficial, but often with no intention to harm. If you mean something more serious, it can be shown by even a few words, so that the reader knows WHY the writer uses these intense words. I understand what you are saying, but you choose to represent your ideas by denigrating several things that are in themselves good and you seem to state that life and growth require foregoing the benefit that comes from the lighter touches of life. If you want to convey better the theme of your poem, pick your issues, which I think is form without substance, sweetness false smiles, show how and why they can ensnare, and then choose your metaphors to show your meaning, contrasted to something other than what is by nature good. There is nothing of nature ('sweet sound of the lark') that has to be forsaken in seeking the real. Unless you, as some Christian mystics consider all of the sensory world a temptation leading to hell. Which I don’t think you do. Now, you say several things in this poem in good poetic ways, and I think this poem has potential to show what you’re trying to say with far less confusion. I hope you will keep every good part, and just run the thread closer to your meaning. Terry	2008-01-17 13:09:39
If my heart was one within itself	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This is too late for last month's contest, where I feel it should have placed far higher then it did, all of your poems should have. I hope you are not discouraged by the contest, its proven haphazard and I rarely agree with all the choices, but the only way to change that is to gather voting weight. This poem, as prayer, carries a wonderful sincerity combined with poetic sensitivity and the depth of both the mind and the heart. It is in the tradition of the great Christian poets, different from Hopkins in style, but no less in rendering as in the best of Hopkins or Keat's work in this regard. Refreshing too, to read a poem that struggles with great concerns. Terry	2008-01-14 19:38:56
Upon January	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem is pastoral, in the sense that it depicts idyllic nature. You do it very well, the poem has a very nice feel to the read, the images almost as though they came from fairy lore. (Damn, I wish fairy still always meant fairy, a natural and beautiful nature creature, which is how I use it here. And gay, why did that word have to become associated with sexual preference? I didn't even know birds were what some call women, unless we say hawk or eagle, then that means a man. Anyway, sometimes inventing new words would mark creativity, rather then upsconding with words that had perfectly good meanings to begin with. Did you know Shakespeare invented one out of every twelve words he used? And why can't I find the word "jist" in anyone of my three dictionaries? The jist of something!) The best lines in this poem are: "The moon still lingers, pearls of tears we cry are lustrous white in winter's ice and chill." And with wonderful lines like that, I don't even want to say anything else. But I will. To give a poem exceptional quality now, in other words, not to be merely an example of the superb use of imagery and symbol, the writer must endow what they write with something more extraordinary, something deeper, more drawn from deeper wells; less decorative. You have it in you to lend more significance to your poems. For a start, read the Chinese poets, TuFu, Li Po, others. They use nature to say something more. Terry	2008-01-14 19:03:44
Lavished Lullaby	James C. Horak	Hi James, Economy of words is not practiced better here by anyone! The title seemed confusing...a generous, abundant, bestowed with profusion, a song to quiet babies or put them to sleep. The death imagery in the second stanza brings the chilling realization of "unknowing what she evoked". This poem is beautifully done, because every word, every phrase contributes to the meaning, not one word superflurous. Motive or that which might render the poem a completeness is not apparent. I do not know if that is a lack in the reading or in the writing. As it is, there is no moral to the poem, it is a snapshot, an extremely poetical one. Terry	2008-01-14 18:15:30
Reaches Out	Claudia F. Sepe	Hi Claudia, Welcome to TLP. This poem defines itself not by being muchly poetical, but by having a list-like quality telling the age old story of how the sins of parents are visited upon the children. As it comes across and you say it is, an extremely personal poem sharing with the reader your own feelings, nothing can really be said about it as a poem. Some people here have said that writing can be very theraputic, I hope this is the case for you. And that the way you conclude the poem, is not the final statement of how you approach life. We are only victims if we let ourselves be and it requires strength of purpose to pull up from the errors of the past. Again, it is difficult for the reader to determine what you might want in ways of a critique. Terry	2008-01-14 17:46:43
A True Story	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, This is a prose poem, actually only resembling a poem because you have used line breaks in a poetic fashion. It could be the theme of a short story, but even then, it needs individuation in order to find a place in memory. Many older people, from those generations that took part in the wars acquired unique characteristics, either in appearance or phrase or habit. The reader does not really know anything about your grandfather that makes him special. The tone and some of the words carry the affection between the grandfather and grandson, but what else can you tell us, how could this poem be given more depth, more show instead of tell? The theme is important, and hints broadly at the machination behind war. Perhaps even more significant now than ever before. That is the significance of this poem and worth saying better. Terry	2008-01-14 17:30:08
O lucky man	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Just as I said. You write some remarkable poetry. Enjoy Mr. Bloom. I'm reading Mallarme, Verlaine, TuFu and the french symbolists for my Christmas dinner this year. At last! A chance to do what I want to do. Happy New Year! Terry ps I read two books on critiquing, and this is all I come with for a critique. overload, and then don't want to be scholarly critical. Next year, maybe. Liked this poem very much.	2007-12-24 02:41:07
On White Winds of Winter...	Mary J Coffman	Mary, Your imagery is breathtaking, unique and original. You are quite accomplished at showing inner states. Two things though, I find the font you use distracting. For powerful words, the font is too wispy, yours suits invitations to weddings. (Am I being trivial? I hope not.) The words you use are not for the most part, especially in this poem, lightweight. A tear dropping is, arguably, a matter of high seriousness. The second thing is that the poem needs more connection to be made with the readers. Establish a reason for caring, unless depicting depression was your only intention. You do it very well but your superb imagery needs to extend into the world wide world more in order to become more relevant to readers. Merry Christmas to you and yours! Terry	2007-12-24 02:27:08
Tears in December	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem IS as gentle as soft falling snow. So much gifted imagery, 'winter's wrap of amethyst' is outstanding, as is "past horizon's lip". "melt against the glass and trace my name" is singularily touching and is the pivotal depth of the poem, around which all else surrounds. Really lovely. Showing wonderfully the place always in poetry for the heart. Best wishes to you at this, and for most, bittersweet time of the year. Merry Christmas. Terry	2007-12-24 01:27:09
Whispers	Rene L Bennett	Hi Rene, Something new and an experiment poem, you say. What you have done here is very good. Interesting imagery, and a nice progression actually leading to something unexpected. Done poetically in every regard. Only suggestion is, in such a short poem, you might use a title that contributes more interest and that adds to the substance of the poem more. I've had difficulty finding titles for my poems that do that, but I keep trying. Very good submission for the end of the year and one I've liked most of your submissions these last few months. Merry Christmas! Terry	2007-12-24 01:15:36
When the Monkey Grinds the Organ	James C. Horak	Among the many statements this poem makes, if I may, I will bring it down to the level of TPL. Chris shows up and tells us, that as a computer programmer, he can not deal with a spam problem, when its apparent every other webmaster can. He tells us he has to continue to charge us for posting poetry to prevent the site from being spammed, when hundreds of other sites do not seem to have that problem. Oh yes, I guess that’s because the webmaster or moderators actually handle problems like that and do not consider them insurmountable. Chris tells us he’s been soooo busy, brings in the heart-tugging baby while allowing us to see the 30 or 40 thousand dollar workshop added onto his house; ignoring completely the offer by members of TPL to relieve his enormous burdens if he will find a way or allow members to make changes, or even manage the site. Now since some say we have no right to Chris’s intellectual property whatever the hell that was supposed to mean, it may be construed that any suggestions towards improving TPL is not important to webmaster Chris who has no time to look after the site, answer member inquiries, and deal honestly with all of our concerns. And he thinks that any excuse is a good excuse to those that don’t take the time to examine the matter closely. While we TPL members are treated as though we are morons. And I am saying this here, yes, this critique is a rant; because no other member but you has challenged the state of things. Leaving me wondering if I am a moron for posting on TPL at all, or all we all just monkeys grinding Chris's organ? Or can the poetry be greater then a pathetic webmaster? Can the citizens of earth vanquish corruption in leadership? Terry “diligent to promise few can name.”	2007-11-27 15:15:47
Green Christmas Purse	Lola Blaze	Hi Lola, First let me say, you have the most wonderful name for a poet. Easy to remember, poetic to extreme, and a comment on every piece of writing you attach it too. I went back in the archives and read some of the poetry you’ve submitted to TPL, and want to say, it’s good to see you submitting again. Your poetry is an asset to the site. The significant thing about this poem is that it’s interesting to read a poem in which the relationship between a man and woman hasn’t been “complicated” out of the realm of possibility of joy and of pleasure. The modern age provides too many ‘second thoughts” to burden relationships nowadays. As did Victorian times, when women had to fear pregnancy in societies where virtue was a woman’s only bargaining chip. More freedom now does not automatically mean that pleasure has in it kindness, caring and concern for another’s well-being. But your lighthearted poem does and is, just that. And sometimes it's just nice to not let time into the critique! Terry	2007-11-27 14:47:24
Ticket in her pocket	Deborah L Bird	Hello Michael, If this is close to Deb's last work, then I think that at some subliminal level she knew she was leaving. That this was completely directed at you, her husband is evident, as though she trusted that even with loss, love would not be lost, rather span (be) greater then ever. This is shown in the words: "whomever was left here would carry on the love shared by both a love that encompassed two worlds" Now in this line, "in her jacket pocket she felt the ticket", clearly she knew it was travelling time...the spirit no less prepares than the body, and using similar "facts" of transportation. Here, the poet has no haunting guilt about leaving which indicates faith in others; and moves towards something exquisitely remembered, not weighed entirely by mortal realm. "but it was right to leave everyone and run to that hauntingly beautiful place they shared together where their love was one" And again, the poet anticipates: "she had thought of this day many times in the weeks past". I have been studying the lives of the poets, and it is not all that unusual for a poet to indicate an intuitive divine of the future even unknownst to themselves; and what others can see only in retrospect. In this poem, Debbie was gentle, resigned in a good way, and at peace with a faith that love did have meaning. The trip (her leaving?) seemed blessedly peaceful in anticipation. I don't know if any of these comments are meaningful to you Michael? My Mother passed away two months ago and perhaps I'm more sensitive then usual to what loss can mean. Sincere condolences to you and family. The first christmas without a loved one can be bitter sweet in many ways. Thank you for sharing this with TPL. Terry	2007-11-27 14:20:25
Tapestry	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I like this poem very much, the lines - pine will sway gathered light will shine as: pine will sway gathered light will shine are marvelously integrated, going back and forward at the same time. Can you see this? It makes of a nature poem something more special then just apt imagery. All nature poetry must have more now to be better then just a gift for description. The last line, "even though you are gone", simple, unexpected, giving a whole wonderful level of meaning to the previous lines. Very reminescent of some of the great oriental poets, (Basho, comes to mind) where we are at first fooled by the simplicity, then surprised by the depth such simple writing can convey. Very good and the good of your own style! Terry	2007-11-27 13:56:27
Everything Is	Thomas H. Smihula	Hello Thomas, Is there some reason for the outpouring of all the poems? Are you using up credits, or just showing a body of work? In a way, all of these poems present a questioning search for answers about relationships with the world and people..."like what does it all mean"? I chose this poem to comment on, because it ends with the most original lines of them all - "Never doubt, one's feelings for some things, are just the peelings." The theme of duality is very interesting. Some have said there are really no opposites, there are just things unlike the other, there are no synonyms, just words that kinda share an umbrella. The word 'love' to me through is the biggest synonym of all -it is only the sum of qualities assigned to it by each individual differently; i.e. similar to. "A combination of all the emotions' and often, even less then that. Or more. You said the poem was written in Viet Nam. The extremes must have been stark. Terry	2007-11-15 09:55:54
Sighs of Autumn	marilyn terwilleger	It may be an old poem Marilyn, but it is very nicely done. This theme, in a sense carried by the poem you posted before this one, is better done in this poem. And the ending lines, "Even death of summer brings enchantment to autumn sighs." are lovely. One thing ends, another begins. Nothing seems to know that better then nature. Simple beauties, simple pleasures. Terry	2007-11-14 12:07:28
An Elegy For The Complication	Thomas Edward Wright	Tom, You've done it again. Created a poem that shows the humanity in the details. I meant to tell you, I told my neice, when she was pre-med, of your poem written of your experiences in anatomy class. It made her -shiver-. That's when I know poetry can really touch people. This poem reads like stream of consciousness, but I'd suggest some spacing. Just so we can savour more the thoughts without rushing by any. Spacing also keeps heaviness at bay, which these thoughts barely touch on. For behind them is so much respect, sensitivity and clarity as to what your Mother was, her essence and how it touched you. My Mother recently passed away, so some of the lines of the poem capture that experience, as I am sure this poem speaks to many who have suffered loss. As well, how small things unexpectedly now jar my memory of my Mother. People are always more then what they just were to us. My Mother carried her marriage certificate folded tiny in her wallet through her entire married life. This, I discovered when I was tidying up her things. The paper was so old, it was cracked in the folds. A beautiful elegy. Terry	2007-11-13 00:37:59
Delay	James C. Horak	Poetically, a wonderful condensation of thoughts into few extremely effective words that wrap around in a marvelously concentrated way. I've started a book where I write down possible titles for poems, since titles are always the most difficult part for me of poeming. Thinking of that, and with the poem being so straight-forwardly conclusive, I wonder why you titled this poem "Delay"? Terry	2007-11-13 00:08:04
Inner Oceans	Mary J Coffman	Hi Mary, This poem is truly eloquent. The symbol of the ocean has as much breathth for imagery and metaphor as does the sky, and you show yourself remarkably able to use it. The poem is an inner landscape and the words, images and metaphors you employ enrich with saving grace what is normally an over-worked over-done-before theme. It is because you individuate it so well. And that is the mark of a true poet. Enjoyed very much. Terry	2007-11-09 19:23:09
Sparrow Tears	marilyn terwilleger	"a single daisy sprouts" All of your poem leads, at last, to the theme of renewal. Sparrow, personifying the simplicity and representing the purity, that has enough grace and goodness to begin this process of renewal? Why? How? There is a confusing of character in this poem also, the writer is part of it -"a heart of aches precedes me", to sparrow tears. Is sparrow some aspect of the writer? The points I'm making here Marilyn are that you either give too much to the capacity of the sparrow or metaphorically you don't make a case for the conclusion of your poem. I've seen your poetry much tighter and far more disciplined then this. You have some wonderful description, "Elms wither without its cloak...etc. It's just that the ending relies on evoking common sentiment, and all the reader feels, is oh yeah, that. You might enjoy, "the Deserted House" by Mary Coleridge, or "The Old House" by Walter de la Mare. Use the descriptions to frame a mindset, clearly, and then make a case for why the possibility of rebirth exists. Or give us the exquisite almost magic of nature that does allow new life even in the midst of seemingly hopelessness. Or write a poem about what weeping can really accomplish. When I was in palliative care with my Mother, we were watching a show on T.V about tatooing. She smiled mischieviously and said she would like daisies tatooed all over her chest. Bittersweet were the daisies that covered her coffin. Now, do you see what I mean about making a case for renewal? You are a good poet and have so much of a good poem in this one. It just needs to conclude with something great enough to counterbalance the force of the decay you have portrayed so well. Terry	2007-11-09 00:17:59
A Filioque	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Tom, This poem has some wonderful images, astute towards meaning. "wind shakes the daylights out of the flags" is as poetic as an image can be. This poem captures the essence of what it describes; as though inviting the reader to priviledged view. It is wonderful that the tone of this poem is both irreverent and kind; and the nostalgia earned at the end. Only suggestion -weakest part is iii -his personality...? also, i. -not a poetic beginning sufficient to the rest. Good to see you posting again. Terry	2007-11-06 12:27:06
Borne of May	James C. Horak	This poem has a rhythm to the reading that is quite delightful. And the rhyming contributes to it. Mockingbird and harping- both represent a far more nefarious "influence", then the simple nuances of a changing season. In the line - I keep seeing "mist" instead of "missed" Strumpet is an archaic word, and quite strangely attached to the end lines of your poem, not so much personifying summer. The line, 'you cannot work that you not dread' is confusing, when first read I felt a word was missing. You poetry is complex, and I find difficult to critique; but so deserving of thought and appreciation. Terry	2007-04-28 12:23:55
Winterage	Gerard A Geiger	Gerard, Rarely as such an extreme personification of winter came upon the pages of TPL. I swear you're describing a very old man, who has lost the twinkle in his eye. Since so many 'season' poems have appeared here, it's evident that spring is much appreciated in coming! Your imagery edges just above the commonplace to be almost droll. And it works so well, that I was transported momentarily to the seniors residence where I recently visited a dear elderly friend, who smiled mischieviously as she pointed out who she likes to take dinner with...and who not. Enjoyed this poem, in a amused kindaway. It's good sometimes to see not everything candy-coated. Terry	2007-04-26 19:30:36
Sewing	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This is the most beautiful, most poetical of poems I've read of yours. The imagery is superb, and the ending truly wonderful. It is difficult to say anything original in a sentimental offering, but you succeed by your unifying theme of sewing -mourning contrasted by the extravagant comfort of memories. Remembrance and the sorrow of loss brought to an exquisite conclusion that continuity persists, even as dreams. It is how you say these things, that brings poetry to life. For sure, one of the best posted this month, and one that marks you as a poet. The person behind this inspiration truly honored. Truly loved. And a powerful Muse accompanies the writing. This poem is a gift to all of us here. Terry	2007-04-24 23:21:15
Autumn morning	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Ah, what a nice juxtaposition, putting an autumn poem in all the abundant spring/summer offerings on TPL. Wonderful words --summer coagulates, spent sun, yellow blades, and especially "sky's arch holds space safe at a blue distance". This poems demonstrates that season intrinsically has no bearing on just how much expression a poet can draw out of it. There is something so marvellously simple and rich about this poem, refreshingly so, because it fades no life in its autumn depiction. Terry	2007-04-12 23:25:24
Sorceress	marilyn terwilleger	Ah Marilyn, A marvelous tribute to the spirit that seems to guide and empower the beautiful elements of summer. Nature spirits were, still are, believed to abound in natural settings. Very effective descriptions all aid the flowering of abundant season. I like nature, I like nature poems, and this one is most enjoyable and well-done. Terry	2007-04-12 23:15:06
Didn`t I ?	Michael Bird	Michael, Above all, this is a sort of song/lyrics. Do a little more of a chorus...and find a friend to put it to music. Above all, modern musicians seem to need poetical lines, so perhaps go that direction? As a poem, there's not enough substance to carry the writing, nothing unique enough to gather second reading. Now Michael, reach deep inside and tell us something we haven't heard before! You can do it. Terry	2007-04-12 22:56:32
From The Ground Up	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, and it's spring! the time when we tempt the ground to respond to our care and our attention. This poem metaphorically goes beyond mere gardening to the almost spiritual essence of life on a planet. Are we so different, planted here by whatever fate, destiny, choice or other? More then anything, your poem expresses a gratitude for life and an awareness that nature's cycles are a gift. In the last stanza, personifying nature, praise and privilege seem oddly reflective and not completely connected in systems that make no choices. Strengthen and clarify the metaphors drawn to strengthen the human element or free the natural one. Happy spring to You! Terry	2007-04-12 22:47:02
Stroking	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, Am I correct that this poem is meant to be ironical, a manner of writing in which the meaning literally expressed is the opposite of the meaning intended- which is a plea for the elements of kindness and love to be expressed before ridicule or sarcasm? Hope you don't mind my saying, but there are those who don't require validation from others, develop their own gauge on their writing and offer it to others because that is largely what humans do...is want to share their achievements, accomplishments, thoughts. It is an unholy part of popular culture to diminish everything, and so I particularly take exception to things where all sharing is made small, petty and pathetic. Stroking, in its most negative context, is attention paid for profit. Now, you draw up from the frustration evoked by the first part of the poem by ending on 'a word of love' --Well, how about making the case for the ending of the poem? There are statements made, even poems, deliberately designed to hurt; then there are things written meant to bring clarity to situations too long suffered by obsfucation. In the end, we are always better off for those that will speak forthright, then we are by those who veil their intentions by pretense of "kindly" offering. Someday, TPL might be about the poetry, and not about everybodys fucking fragile egos. This last comment NOT an indictment of your poem, which portrayed the more unpleasant elements of human interaction, certainly not representative of most. Terry	2007-04-03 14:16:12
New Words	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, In this poem you have managed to evoke tone most effectively; your descriptive phrases capture how almost all can feel once a winter is beginning to end. The title, "New Words", refers to the poeming? For the connection to "spring awakening" isn't evident, by the preceding lines. It takes, almost the force of a spring, to move something beyond lethargy and overcome the reluctance of change weighed by repetition and dreary habit, reflected in places where winter goes on too long. There are those who can't realize that nothing is gained by getting too used to seasons that offer no growth. The reason why spring remains such a strong metaphor among those who anticipate a new vitality that comes from letting the past not weigh too heavily on what might be newly possible. I'd like to see that "spring awakening" apply even to TPL; and more evoked in poetry in general. It is what the symbol of rebirth persists; something your poem barely hints at, but does hint. Terry	2007-04-03 13:37:59
Solstice of Suffering	Mary J Coffman	Mary, This poem seems to flow out of you like a river. It is lyrical -has the quality of a pure singing voice. Most of all, you write with the utter sincerity of tragedy and pain. I do not know what loss you speak of here, but I know it is great. The silence you have broken by this poem, may add comfort to others that have experienced such loss. Feelings need language, of that I am sure. My condolences to you and your family. Terry	2006-06-27 22:13:05
Landmines	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, This poem has touched upon a sore point with me. Every myth, metaphor, significant detail that helps to give life meaning, absorbed into the vast mind control broadstream mass media to sell things. Worse to condition the mind to meaninglessness, dilute the quality of thought that offers huge avenues of exploration, explorations that actually take people places. One thing I have learned is that its never like "they" say. Polls, surveys, are designed to herd opinion. The vast variety that actually does exist on this planet exists outside of mainstream media, and is evident just by talking to people. But you say it so much better then me, in this poem. Your poetry is superbly connected to this age; and not at all cryptic. Terry	2006-06-27 17:21:07
Nightmare	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This reads like you fell asleep in front of the television set as though the rays and bulging eyes belonged to another source of light. Forgive me if I'm extrapolating...this poem is quirky, like the sun shining in your brain weren't natural. The nightmarish qualities of dislocation, which is alot like T.V. -frogs croaking to sell beer? Like the fusion ads, back to back, a car, and a razor. No wonder people think in 2 second sound bites. Every thought equal to every other thought. The real sun grinning? Why not? Terry	2006-06-27 17:03:26
Meet me in Jerusalem	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, This poem is truly extraordinary. I have been reading Hart Crane and there is little of his I have read that comes near to your- IN EVERY LINE- sustaining intensity you have in this poem. Has mankind always had such an uneasy relationship with their God? Somehow focalized with all longing, all hope, all dispair? Profoundly spiritual, profoundly human yet something much more. I see no loss of faith in this poem, and it has more of spirituality, then any pulpit on any Sunday. This poem Mark, is where I think the word 'brilliant' applies. Terry	2006-06-27 15:39:15
Come Walk With Me	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This poem has intensity of perception behind it, and your descriptive phrases are quite good. The "Come walk with me" gives the poem almost a hymnal quality, which your last line, "Let's frolic in His festival of awe", supports. A suggestion: the poem might sustain your depth better, if "Come walk with me" were used at the beginning and then at the ending; leaving the interior of the poem reinforcing your images; and lessening the break in continuity the line causes. Also, repeated too often, it begins to sound like an order, rather then the gentle suggestion you intend. The words - "When the flush of morning folds" are so beautiful! Terry	2006-06-27 15:14:37
Lavender	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, It's the giving of color to smell, that I think is quite lovely in this poem; as though the air is violet in streams from the flowers. This poem would be wonderful included in a book of illustrated flowers. There's a place for all kinds of poetry. Terry	2006-06-27 15:01:04
An Indian Summer	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, What is most remarkable about this poem, is the last line, "Existence gives a sigh and she moved on by". Such a perfectly gentle metaphor for a gifted passing; full of love and profoundly spiritual; the way some give far more then they take and your sense of continuity carries faith better then any dogmatic assertion ever could. The imagery of nature very reminiscent of the romantic tradition where love was idealized; and it as though you are talking about summer itself, so much do you parallel your comparisons. A friend, or a child? The eulogy so suits children, but for whoever, this poem carries much love. "Each day as a gift", if we could only live like that. Terry	2006-03-08 07:54:27
In Another's Obsession	James C. Horak	I have not done much critiquing on TPL this month, and so want to touch upon some of the poems I thought were so good. Naturally, the reference to the vehicle is perfect, as girls and vehicles seem to alternate places of great importance in the mind of the teenage boy. "tapioca"? That must be Texan slang, as I've not heard that before; so I actually had to guess...oh...that's what he means. Early on, some awareness of consequence was there, quite a step out for an early teen. My brother has a man, PHD, in thermal physics helping him with the burners on a machine; grew up in Transilvania, now Serbia. His parents sent him to boarding school after he lit a roof on fire, experimenting with powders on his model airplanes. Yes, small towns have trouble permitting genius to express. Or, to return to the poem, love has its limits in a moral man; and in a teenager, lust and love are easily blended. The reservation of the girl, the awareness of her trust, is so gently expressed. Poetically, this poem is quite superb. You have such an interesting way of line placement. The thoughts/words are compressed, yet move into each other in a perfectly parallelling way. Terry	2006-02-28 18:10:20
Sir Richard Burton	James C. Horak	"The Medusa Touch". (Was worried about it, earlier in the week at TPL.) All of your poetry inspires, and brings the reader to closer examination of themselves and others. Sometimes it seems, that "all the world's a stage, and we its actors". But only so far as people can disconnect from their words and actions, and you don't let people do that. No true poet does. Terry	2006-02-28 17:06:28
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