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Displaying Critiques 142 to 191 out of 191 Total Critiques.Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by Latorial D. Faison | Critique Date |
Tree haiku #3 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Another beauty Joanne, In the first line I love the alliterative w's. I love alliteration, and I tend to use it a lot in not only my poems but also in public speeches (smile). But you begin this haiku well getting straight to a very important illustraion of the "tree" blossomed trees exhibit mute watercolor sounds This is awesome. Again you personify the trees and bring something creatively wonderful to life. MUTE watercolor sounds suggest that the trees sing silently a beauiful color. That's a profound statement there, but it's also a great observation to make about the nature that God gave us. In everything there is beauty, and you tend to have found the best in the trees that you personify and bring ot life in your haiku collection. Thanks for sharing this one. I also had a very peaceful feeling come over me as I read this poem. It was as if the heavens smiled as I read that last line. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-16 18:15:21 |
FORBIDDEN AFFECTION | Debbie Spicer | This is beautiful Debbie. The words ebb and flow throughout the poem very nicely. Aside from the poetics of this poem, the most important, most glaring thing about this poem is the meaning that it encompasses. You tell a great story of a love that you have for this special someone, and I think that it is all said within the right frame of mind. It's a love that seems to not be able to exist. It can be devastating to find yourself in a position like this, because love is such a beautiful thing. It can also be a very dangerous thing. It's also obvious that you know the ground that you are treading on with love in this poem, and I see this as not a threatening poem, but a rendition of letting this other individual know the depths of your feelings. It's a poem that had to be written, feelings that had to be revealed. It's a telling poem, and that's what makes it special. Thanks for sharing it at TPL this month. I certainly enjoyed reading it. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-16 18:03:55 |
Willwind | Regis L Chapman | This is a great lamentation/testament Regis. I've been out of the loop for a while on TPL. When you say "going back to temple," what do you mean? Are you going there to volunteer, to commit to ministry, to help hurricane victims, etc. Excuse me for not kowing, but I am curious and do want to (smile). I think that this poem read simply and wonderfully. It's the kind of poem that I write when I allow my sould to actually be still and think on what it is I'm here to do, and it appears that there is a lot of personal reflection and introspection revealed in this poem. You have such power over the words here, and the illustration is clear and poetic. You talk about will and power, and those are two key elements to happiness, survival and salvation in this life. Whatever you're going to do, you will make a difference in the lives of those you are there to help. Sincerety is genuine, and that's what I gather from this poem: sincere intentions. God bless you in your endeavors, and I look forward to reading more. Excellent poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-16 17:51:56 |
My Children - Lost But Not Forgotten | Nancy T Bindhammer | Wow Nancy, This is quite a sentimental piece, and I hope that singing it makes you feel better. Losing children is such a hard pain to take and move on. I guess you never move on. And to think that you have lost 3. Were they triplets? Or separate occasions. I gathered that they may have been triplets. I think that you have been very creative here when detailing how the loss has made you feel and putting down your experience on paper. It probably helped to just write these things down. I hope it was therapeutic and healing fof you. This is why I write, to make sense of life and all the chaos, the unforseen things and the mishaps. All things in time. Thanks for sharing, and I'm glad you can be strong enough to write and share this experience with others. Good job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 18:19:32 |
Moon haiku #2 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Aaaaaaah, here's the other picture, the version of the half-moon, and I am intrigued by your description of it as a "fickle" moon with a half-smile beaming with something that it has stolen from the son. You sure do know how to bring personification to its highest levels Joanne. I think that out of the three, this one is my favorite. Because remember I write about mostly humanity, and this haiku gives personal attributes and character traits to the moon. Who knew? Every line is filled with descriptions and images. If we didn't have your title or the word "moon," this one could fit a person or thing perhaps. If there are more, I will truly read them. It's very interesting how you are able to capture such a wonderful glimpse of reality and nature in such a poetic sense. I love you work, and I love this haiku. The moon has been known for being sexy and for being full on nights where things have happened, but you give it life in a whole new way here. Thanks for sharing. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 17:59:40 |
Moon haiku #1 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Joanne, I didn't realize that I had 1 and 2 still on my list. I really like this one because of the s sounds (smile). Silver sickle. Those two words set the tone, the temperature and everything for this one. I can actually visualize the scene that you portray in just these brief words. There are mountains with snowy peaks, a sea of water and a beautiful silver moon shining (and there's probably a great reflection off the water) as the snow and icicles glisten in the night. This is natural beauty. Thanks for sharing it. I enjoyed reading it. I'll have to read number 2 now. Great job on this Moon Collection. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 17:55:04 |
MY THOUGHTS ON POLITICS | TJ Daniels | That's right TJ! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Politics. You either land on one side or you straddle the fence. The thing about elections is that, no ONE candidate is the one percent best. In actuality, I feel as thought I'm forced to vote for the lesser of two evils this year. However, I will consider all of the issues and vote for the candidate who I feel loves people the most and himself or his image less (than the other candidate). Leadership is all about serving, not being self serving. I'm glad you came along with this and kept my fire burning. Thanks for sharing it. It's a light, but tight read to post during a very important time. Thanks, and great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 17:45:59 |
Listen, Missy! | Andrea M. Taylor | Andrea, you are so right (smile). Wow, I've never read this in a poem before, but I'm glad that you did. I just ended a conversation with a friend who fears that her daugther might be making the wrong college decision. With young people and older ones, especially who have close families, it's always an issue. Choosing "Mr. Right" is a major thing for a woman, and in most cases, it has to be someone the family enjoys if you enjoy your family. You have written a poem that most teen-aged girls will be able to identify. There are plenty of horror stories about daughters bringing home Mr. Wrong. The good thing is that you will "treasure" many things and many people, and if it's meant to last, it will. I believe in love, but I mostly believe in destiny and fate. If it's wrong, it's wrong. But when it's right, it'll take flight. Thanks for sharing a great poem which provoked my thinking. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 17:42:21 |
Moon Haiku #3 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Hi Joanne, You must be writing a collection or just flirting with the season here. I'm enjoying reading your haiku. You place us in celestial peace with these well developed, brief poems. The brevity proves the seriousness and the depths of your craft. These are simply good, and every time I come across writers who can write about nature and the night time or natural elements so wonderfully, I blush -- because I can't. Most of my writing is bogged down in some serious social issue (smile), but I find pleasure in it, and when I read haiku and poems like these, like yours, I think I'm reading a writer who will live a long time because you have learned how to find the peace, quiet, and the calm in the midst of your writing. If you've mastersed it here. You've more than likely mastered it in your mind. Thanks for sharing a wonderful haiku. I absolutely adore the last line, "flirts with the high stars" Excellent. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 17:38:01 |
If You Could Live Your Life Backward | Mell W. Morris | Mell, this poem is the BOMB! Do you know how many women ask themselves this question (smile). What ever inspired you to write it? I'm curious. I love the style and format, the beginning two lines are powerful and tone setting, and then you move into the real scenarios. I think that you have given readers, male and female, issues with which they too can identify. You have provoked the thoughts of millions of people. How fitting to coin this question in a poem! I have thought this to myself, and while there are many things that I would change in my life, my husband is not one of them. I guess I'm fortunate. But I like to think that experience is our best teacher, and this poem is so wrapped up in that common idea. It teaches when it doesn't aim to, and I think that's wonderful. You pose a grand question that could keep all the world on Oprah just talking for hours or groups of guys and girls hanging out to share some fun and laughter. Thanks for sharing such a provocative, mind piercing piece this month. I enjoyed reading it, and I think that you have placed some interesting thoughts to minds of all readers here. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-13 09:34:20 |
God's Kinder Garden (first poem) | Andrea M. Taylor | Andrea, This is beautiful, and I do thank you for posting it. I have 5 and 6 year old sons, and I know that I take for granted sometimes the precious gifts that they are. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and everyday life that we forget to love on the little ones. This is a beautiful poem, and it did not seem primary at all. It's very sentimental, and I'm sorry for your loss. I believe that poetry/writing is therapeutic, and I write daily to heal my own soul and spirit. I hope that you continued on after this poem. Well, I guess you did if you're still here at TPL. This was original beauty. The words. The sentiment. The style. Everything about this one is truly precious and poetic. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 23:33:39 |
Mantles | Andrea M. Taylor | This is deep Andrea. When I think of mantles, I think figuratively of passing on honor and passing on responsibilities or blessings. And I thought how wonderful to find that you had written about mantles in this way. leaf laden blankets -- I love the way this line sounds. It was a perfect introduction, tone setting line, and the alliterative L's just make it so attractive and enticing to read. waiting winter's quilt -- this line had the same effect on me as line one, and I was poetically excited to see that this is crafty to begin and end the poem in the same fashion, style and technique. I think it's so awesome when writers can say a lot in forms like the haiku that require us to do it in few words and syllables. That's where the talent really shines. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL. It was a pleasure to read, and it leaves me with a wintery light feeling. It's getting nippy in Chicago, and this poem helps to get me where I'm going (smile). Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 23:29:59 |
verse 61 (Birth) | Erzahl Leo M. Espino | Erzahl, I thought this was completely genius. You are so right, and you capture all of the sentiments that should be felt when new lives come into this world. They come in so meek and so mild, just like the Christ child. It's really a beautiful thing. I'm glad that you have taken the time to pay tribute to "birth" in your writing. Thanks for sharing this one this month. In the event of a rewrite or revisiting this one, you might try this for line 2: "There's music when babies cry" Just a thought. I love reading your haiku. You do an awesome job with them, and I hope to see you put together a book collection some day. All the best. Great job on this one. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 19:43:07 |
Silence | marilyn terwilleger | Marilyn, This is a great poetic reflection and hopefully a great discovery for those who read it. It reminds me of a slogan that one of my college tshirts carried: "Silence is the loudest noise awakening for the very first time." I have always thought silence was such a profound topic because it carries so much meaning, and you bring that out in your poem here. I think that even the way that you have structured these lines and allowed for the spacing and the "silence" to be heard in between the stanzas is phenomenal. It helps to capture the very effect of what you write about. Thanks for wooing me with this title, because that is what made me choose it, and it was a pleasure to read. These are the things that poets right on, what we fill our heads with. We have plenty of silence that really IS NOT silence, and no one could explain it better than us. The loudest times of our lives have occurred during our most silent moments. Take care, and thanks for sharing something to provoke my thoughts continually. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 19:13:54 |
Tree haiku #2 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Hi Joanne, You must be working up a haiku collection. It's not a bad idea. I love the fact that you are able to carry such breezy, easy tone in these haiku. The words have been chosen ever so carefully hear to deliver just the right tone for just the right time of year. You give so much attention to the details with such a small window of opportunity. Now that's poetic talent. That's a gift. Again, I like how you personify nature through the trees. You have turned this yearly feat into something humanly natural, a releasing of offspring. I wonder if this was inspired by the poem written about the parents who watched their daugther leave for college in the fall (posted on the link this month I believe). Your haiku reminds me of that poem. Very great, powerful thoughts surface in this piece. Releasing offspring is necessary when the time comes, and I think that your poem speaks of a truth that all parents both animal and human and nature could identify with. Excellent. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 19:09:19 |
SEASON’S CONSEQUENT | Debbie Spicer | Hi Debbie, I only found a few typos in this one, I think: Any even despite my fight, (And vs. Any?) You allowed the another to pierce the (other vs. another) Now, on to the poem . . . This is a very interesting poem, and it seems to contend with the idea that we all face from time to time - dealing with the alter egos that we have (smile) that sometime fall to the dark side or bad decisions or simply doing bad things every now and then. Well, let's hope it's only every now and then (smile). I think the title is above average for a first poem, and so is what follows. I can't believe this was one of your first poems. Anyway, it just shows that your creative talent was strong even then. I know that you have blossomed and bloomed since this very poem, but this one is special also. It is filled with profound phrases and thoughts. You speak of season's and the underlining theme of the devil invading your space, your mind, is evident throughout the poem. You illustrate the struggle well, and you command the poem well. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to reading more. Again, this was a great first poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 17:10:11 |
ADORATION | Debbie Spicer | Love is a beautiful thing Debbie, and I can certainly share your sentiments that you have written about in this poem. We spend our lives looking for that special one that we can ADORE. We want to adore, love and admire this person, but you're right, at some point they have to be able to coexist with what is already inside of us. I think that this is where so many people go astray when they are seeking that someone. It's bigger than your attraction. What about their attraction? And all of it is bigger than attraction or what we see at first site. You sum it up in the last line. It's about ETERNITY. This is a great poem. It iterates a great truism in just a few lines. It doesn't take forever to say something this important and meaningful. As for corrections, add an "S" to harmonize for the subj. verb agreement of essence/harmonizes. Overall, this is a wonderful, wonderful thought, and I think it's a great reflection on love and partnership. It's so much bigger than the love we think, but it's all about the love we need forever. You have succinctly penned a thought provoking poem that will make readers think about what to think when they are thinking about finding someone. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL this month. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-12 16:56:09 |
Finding the Muse | Edwin John Krizek | We could write dozens of these in a day, right? The beauty of poetry and writing is the muse, that thing that draws us inward and tells us to write about what's inside our heads. I think you do a wonderful job here as you speak to the muse, because it truly speaks to us. This is a wonderfully reading poem, and it's filled with such aesthetic verbiage and style. I ONLY HAVE TO SEEK AND I FIND YOU (this is the language of love and passion, and we must have these as writers). No one understands us, but the muse and those who share it. This poem is like a short story that reads from top to bottom, and the end is so sweet, so telling and so fulfilling . . . because we have realized that we have a purpose. As poets, we don't always know why we write. We just know that there is something driving us to do so. Again, no one understands the muse like we do, and no one writes to it but us. Poetry is a beautiful thing, and I think that it makes beautiful people of those who indulge in it. You have written something creative and mesmerizing, and I'm sure all real poets will agree. Thanks for sharing and reminding me of who I am. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-11 18:29:45 |
A Child | Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach | Amour, This is a very thought provoking and profound poem on something that we, as people, take for granted daily. We take for granted the gifts and talents that are hidden within our children. It makes you wonder why a man or woman would sit and fiddle with a machine or computer all day when that same time or at least some of it could be invested in releasing what's inside a child's mind. The world over is filled with children in need of guidance, stimulation and encouragement, and I just wish that it was more our natural instinct to not overlook them. Thanks for writing this poem and sharing it at TPL this month. It read like a charm. The lines move swiftly, and it's clear and succinct. The meaning has value, and it possesses a rhythm so appropriate. Again, thanks for sharing, and I'll take these words to heart. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-11 18:17:09 |
Tree haiku #1 | Joanne M Uppendahl | Joanne, This is very light and refreshing. When I saw it on my list, I couldn't wait to read it. I knew it would be good. Haiku are always so interesting and creative to me because I know that the writer doesn't have a lot to work with. You have to draw on all of the right words to collect the right meaning in just 3 short lines and sets of syllables. Leaves with brittle stems (you certainly paint a picture for us here, and you set up the next line) tethered to wind-scented limbs. (the word tethered is worth a pot of gold in this line, and wind-scented limbs carries on the brittle nature of the limbs; this phrase almost personifies the leaves and stems. The more they take on life, the more we can identify with their state you create or describe in the poem). delicate your dance (and this line simply beautifies the whole experience. When we think of dancing we think of style, energy, fun and amusement or life). This haiku is marvelously written with so much creativity. The words and phrases used exemplify the beauty of what you have seen. It's such a statement on life, figuratively. Great haiku. I enjoyed reading it, and thanks for sharing it at TPL this month. I missed the previous versions, but this one is something special. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-11 18:13:16 |
Father's Time | Mark D. Kilburn | Mark this is an awesome poem. We often get poems about domestic violence or violence against women, and you have written about a tremendous act not only against children or young men, but it sends out a necessary analysis on what this type of abuse does for a young boy in his manhood. Thanks for giving us a really clear, vivid picture of what this abuse means and how it makes one feel. I am sorry that this happens to anyone, and when I'm dealing with my own sons, I will think of it. It's important what they think about how discipline takes place. Most importantly, it's important that they know that they are so loved. Thanks for sharing such a poignant and sentimental piece on the Link thtis month. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-09 11:07:30 |
Verses 41 to 60 – Third Collection | Erzahl Leo M. Espino | hello there, my favorites are 43 and 44. my, i've been gone from the link too long. these are great erzahl. i love the link because we exposed to so many wonderful ideas here. i think that you have done a marvelous thing to collect your haiku in such a way. when i saw the title, i thought this is going to be something biblical. then when i read the actual piece, i thought -- he's formatting this like the bible. I think these are wondering. there are so many truisms in every word, and so many nice philosophical pieces on life. I think that you should give the entire collection a title other than the verses. these are exquisite, and they sit well as a collection. thanks for sharing these and for stirring up new writing ideas in me. keep on writing. latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 23:42:46 |
Big Catch | Claire H. Currier | Claire, This was a very interesting poem, and of course it became more interesting near the end. I wanted to actually read more (smile). You did a really good job of tricking me. I thought this would be just about another father/son fishing trip where lots of fish were caught. So, I was surprised about the big head and big eyes. I'm just curious . . . but I think I missed out on that point. Was it a huge fish or a human head? I think I may have misread or just inherently missed something. On one hand, I thought that you were writing a Halloween poem (smile), but then again I was not sure. This poem reads well, smoothly and keeps the reader's interest. Thanks for sharing it at TPL this month. It was a joy to read. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 17:17:15 |
CRUCIBLE OF THE TOWERS | Paul R Lindenmeyer | Thanks Paul, We can never forget this day. It was so horrid, but yet filled with such sacrifice. My husband just returned a few months ago from a year tour of duty in Tikrit, Iraq. I am glad he made it home. So many do not. Life is full of tragedy and things we can't understand, but it helps to be able to write it all down and find healing in the words. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece of your creative spirit again. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 10:28:15 |
Stones Will Sing | Joanne M Uppendahl | Hi Joanne, The Bible does say that "rocks will cry out" in the absence of human praise. Your poem reminded me so much of that scriptural lesson. This piece makes one think about life of course, and even moreso how we live it. It's like we spend our whole lives thinking of something trivial, when life is really about the smaller more sincere things. STONES WILL SING I think the title is so appropriate and carries such a piece with it. There's a song that's sang in church that has the verse "Never will a rock cry out in my stead, He's worthy of all my praise." But your poem suggests that even when we are gone, even at the ends of the earth, the stones just might be there to lift Him up. Now, I don't think that your poem was rooted in such the religious aspect, but more on the subject of love. It just goes to show you that 50 people can read the same poem and walk away with something totally different. You had one aim, and I my perception is that of another. I think this is a fantastic poem. It's stylish and very creative. You have taken your time and penned a thoughtful, thought provoking piece here. Thanks for sharing it. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 09:51:21 |
Mass of tears | Mark Andrew Hislop | Mark this is wonderful. This poem reached in and touch some of my innermost thougts and intrapersonal issues. I like the tone that you have set, and I think it's great that readers can read this poem and really begin to apply what you have shared to our own lives. I could certainly identify with each and every one of the situations that you reveal here. I have had these thoughts. These things live inside my head. Not only does your writing here reveal such great truths about the human soul and spirit, but it is so well created. The style is attractive. The rhyme scheme is very tight, and it reads well from beginning to end. It's a true poem in every sense of the word, and it appears to have come naturally for you, the author. I see all of the great themes embedded in this poem. There's morality, value, truth and spirituality ringing from each line. I thought I'd choose a favorite line or phrase, but I could not. The entire poem, each stanza is filled something of value, such truth for humanity. I think that this is what poetry is all about, being able to testify and capture the essence of life in such an analytical way. It's a psychological healing for us to be able to both write and read such integrated works of poetry, such serious pieces that delve into the lives of others and our own lives. Thank you for sharing this one at TPL. I truly enjoyed reading and soaking this one in. Excellent poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 09:45:07 |
Fairyland | marilyn terwilleger | Marilyn, You have written this poem from a very interesting standpoint. For quite some time in my life, especially as a girl, I loved the mysticism behind the thoughts of a real fairyland. I'm still quite the hopeless romantic, but I think I'm more common sense now (smile). I like the way that this poem unfolds and to add the little stars (asterics) within, was such a creative additive for the poem. Actually, I thought it would have been really interesting to see those stars in between each stanza in a sparsed pattern. * * * * * That was a really great idea to even include them, and it added a "fairy" airy type feeling to your poem. So, you must know that I was disappointed to get to the end and discover that "there is no fairyland." (smile). Thanks for sharing this one at TPL this month. It was refreshing to read, and just what I needed this morning. After reading on such heavy themes, it's always wonderful to run into a subject that's light and low, but so very creative. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 09:33:21 |
Dark Angel | Edgar Alan Pierce | Edgar, This was quite a complex poem here (smile). I try not to dabble with thoughts of evil too much, but your title peaked my interest enough, and I am glad that I took the time to read your poem. You deal with issues in your poem that I think most people deal with in everyday life. Sometimes we feel alone in the way that we feel about life and death or good or evil. I think that your poem is a closer evaluation of the yin-yang concept. You take us deeper. Dark Angel could suggest many things. It could be about fallen angels now in hell. Never in my wildest dreams did I think your poem would take the spin that it takes. The very first line "Angelic Essence - Demon curse" is the epitome of what pretty much follows in every line, except you get even more creative with the polarizations, and I think you exhibit to readers just how in depth this good/bad or love/hate intrapersonal relationship can become. It's a struggle inside that often illustrates its moods to the outside world. I think that you have offered a very interesting piece here that is thought provoking and life changing. Thanks for sharing it at TPL this month. It made me really think about some of my own issues and how blessed I am to be able to recognize them and improve. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-07 09:27:50 |
Enough2 | Edwin John Krizek | Hi again Edwin, I am critiquing this poem 2nd. I see the similarities in the two poems. This version seems to be a little more condensed (word count). It's not a significant change in the length, but the stanzas are less wordy in this version, and the interesting thing is that I like both versions. This version reads more smoothly, and I also think that there's more "light" in each stanza. The other version left me feeling as though we have a lot to fix in life, but we don't have a clue where to start or where to jump into recreating something more meaningful. However, I feelt that this poem is more encouraging to seek after that which is good. I don't know why, and i've looked at the two poems. I have reviewed the other poem, and I did like it. It stood very well on its own as a very good poem, but this version sheds a whole newer light on the ideas that you present. I'd actually like to see you keep them both as poems, Enough and Enough2. It's been said and done. Who knows? You'll probably be inspired to write Enough3. I enjoyed both poems. I particulary love the insight to deeper human issues that you present in these poems. Thanks for sharing these at TPL. I look forward to reading more. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 23:04:53 |
Enough | Edwin John Krizek | Edwin, I read both poems before commenting on either. However, I read this one first since I thought it was version one. I like this poem. I think we get more of the gamut here as you enlighten us on "enough." I somehow get the impression that you're being facetious or even intentionally sarcastic when you say that it's enough to do all of these things. Most people don't think these are enough. We can never have enough, and even when we have enough, we unsurprisingly want more it seems. Either you are a very rational, rare and smart guy or you're just making fun at the rest of the world who run around in search of something great only to find out that the only true greatness is not wrapped up in things, but that it's wrapped up in the soul and intertwined in the mind and spirit. You speak of the good life, love and simple things. Most people want the good life, but they don't consider that it's laced with simple things. So, with this poem you have sparked such a necessary discussion on who we are as people and why we long for the things that we do. Again, I like this poem. It reads well, has style and is poetically speaking to the issues of humanity. Thanks for sharing it at TPL. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 22:57:22 |
Canvas of Life | Jana Buck Hanks | This is a beautiful poem Jana, and I love all of the poetic wonders that you have tucked deep within each line and stanza. The "dripping" effect comes to life, adn throughout the poem the alliterative sounds are so attractive and make the reading very enticing and sensual. How does one capture the art of nature so beautifully? You did an excellent job. You used the right words and created the most excellent phrases which come together to make this a natural wonder of a poem, and the love it encompasses and illustrates is a beautiful one. You give this poem a different style with your indented, spersed and drop down words and lines. That's what I love about poetry. You can do anything and make something very unique. Overall, you personify a painting to life, and on the flipside you see life as a painting on a canvas with additions here and there and so much color. The entire backdrop for this poem was colorful for me, and it's very appealing to see life in different forms and in color. It's vibrant, alive and very sensual, this poem. I can't choose a favorite line, for after reading the poem several times, I find that I just love the way it all fits together. You say that you have combined two poems into one. I would never know where one ends and the other begins. This is a most desirable piece, and I hope that you are proud of it. You should be. Excellent poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 09:19:34 |
Insight | Andrea M. Taylor | Hi Andrea, This is a very enticing haiku. What I love most about it is that you endeared the title with one word. I sometimes find it destracting when writers give haiku's very long titles. There are only seventeen syllables in the poem, and making a long title just defeats the purpose (smile). So, INSIGHT, was a joy to see, and just like the haiku itself, the one word gives readers a strong inclination of what the following three lines will lead to. I like that you don't simply write a sentence that literally tells all. That's another thing that takes away from the poetic nature of haiku. thoughts looking outside / here you personify something so human, but not a human (our thoughts) and when we think of insight, you make something profound of the actual state of insight; it does require thinking. tinted windows of Id's house / and here you get psychological on us, and you make the haiku even stronger in the second line with the word choice/verbiage. fostering beliefe / this last line is genuine because you finalize and drive the title home. INSIGHT -- it fosters belief. Thanks for sharing an awesome haiku with us this month, and I do look forward to reading more. Haiku are not as simple to write as we think; they do require natural skill. Good job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 09:09:15 |
The Bearers of Vision | Rick Barnes | Rick, this is what I call a poem. It's like you were sitting and had a sudden glimpse or recollection or an idea of something profound, and you took a moment to write it down before you lost your great thought. I have moments like this, and the result are poems like the one you have penned here. Poetry is a great way to express the questions and concerns that we have about life. Poetry is also the best avenue for becoming literarily ironic serving up twists and turns in our modes, moods and modulations of thoughts. You spend a great deal of time discussing the darkness throughout this poem, and then you come back in the last line with "we have all the light we need." How oxymoronically stunning! I like the style and breadth of this poem. It pierced my soul, and my spirit bleed for knowledge of why we continue to exist in such a serious time sa this. Thanks for sharing this poem at TPL this month. I enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to reading more. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 00:30:44 |
A Fragment | Sandra J Kelley | Sandra, The whole while I was reading this poem, I thought "this would be an interesting movie." (smile). This poem has wonderful complexities, and I think that it's such an undertaking of creativity and strength. With your poetic talents you bring together the physical and the mental as they coincide in and through these people and things of which you speak. How hard was it to write this poem? I'm currently teaching an interpersonal relations course, and this poem would fit under the listening barrier as an "information overload." This is a strength of your poem. Because you have so many points and pieces in each line, the lines go right on by. Your style causes readers to read this poem at a fast pace, and you almost have to come back to make sense of what you just read. I like poems that are able to do that. It means that first the poem sounded lovely, lovely enough for the reader to go back and really discuss what it's about. I hope that you are proud of this one because it is a good poem. Thanks for sharing it at TPL. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-06 00:24:45 |
japanese verse 59 (Lake) | Erzahl Leo M. Espino | Erzahl this is awesome! It's cute, quaint and phenomenal. God is the true beauty in everything. You capture this creatively and poetically. Thanks for sharing this at TPL this month. I enjoyed finding it on my list and reading. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-05 22:35:49 |
1000 DEAD AMERICANS | Mark D. Kilburn | Hey Mark, I thought I had already critiqued this one. Perhaps I read it and never made it to the critique. Anyway, I LOVE THIS POEM, and I think that it should be read at some event for all the world to hear. You have accentuated on my feelings about the war in Iraq. I posted a haiku this month about the war being unjunst and unnecessary. Our leaders have truly failed us. I love every line of this poem, and it's even more genuine coming from you because you know the ins and outs of war and leadership. You know the lies that are covered up. I hate that we have lost 1,000 lives for nothing, and I say nothing because we need to be liberating our own people. God will take care of Iraq. I've always wondered how we could achieve such peace in foreign lands when we can't achieve it 100% at home. This is an awesome, powerful, true and identifying poem. Thank you for sharing it at TPL. I certainly enjoyed reading it. This is serious business. My husband just came back from Iraq, and you don't come back the same. I wish America would just stop and think about all of the young kids who are going over there and losing their lives for a war none of us can believe in or be proud of. It's sad, but if it's not your kid or your spouse or your niece or nephew, then you tend to not think about the irrationality of this war. Wake up America! Thanks Mark. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-05 22:33:33 |
ILLINOIS | Mark D. Kilburn | Hi Mark, I hope that my experience living in ILLINOIS is as memorable as the ones you speak of in your poem. I can tell that your family was connected just by the sentiments that you express. It was picture perfect. I think it was a really great symbolism to discuss their places, where they stood next to each other and holding hands. All of these elements send the impressions that you intended I think. I like how you have centered this poem around a place, the title, but you wonderfully discuss and describe the people, your family, those dear to your heart. There's nothing like memories, and as you have said, sometimes they are all that you have left. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL; it's very sentimental, and I again, I hope that I can say something similar about ILLINOIS when I leave. My husband is stationed at Ft. Sheridan in the Highwood/Highland Park area. Thanks again. Great poem. It read very well, was never boring, simply enlightening, and it possessed a tone of peace. I enjoyed reading it. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-05 21:48:51 |
Crab | Mark Andrew Hislop | Well Mark, even when we don't know what to write, we come up with some pretty good material. I found this one very interesting. I've certainly read my share of nature poems on the Link this month, and when I found that this one had quite the oceanic spin on it, I was delighted. I like the simplicity of this poem: the curt style, the short lines, the simple language. Sometimes we writers tend to over-verbiage the language, and it just turns out a complete mess (sometimes). You take and personify a crab, so much so that we can actually see ourselves inside this life. The poem moves at a good rate, and it allows the reader to take in all of the new elements that you do bring in. And just in case anyone has ever wondered what goes on inside a crab's world, Mark Andrew Hislop has penned a poetic peace that's worthy. You have certainly used your poetic creativity here, and thanks for sharing it on TPL. It's great to come across something different on the list. This was a delight to read. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-05 15:26:47 |
On a Bench by the Potomac | cheryl a kelley | cheryl, it's amazing the vivid illustrations that can be captured and wrapped up in a poem. This is a wonderful illustration. it's personal, it's interesting, and most importantly it's highly creative. you call the readers' attention to a subject that we don't see or hear about everyday. actually, it's a subject that we either take for granted or forget that its there -- the speed of everything. We live in a world where things are continually happening all around us, and I think you introduce us to a great example of this in your poem, and it all happens from a park bench. There are several places from which we could probably write a poem like this: a park bench, a mall bench, an athletic game, a carnival/fair, etc. Who stops to really think on these things, not many people. Poets are more likely to do it more often than those who do not write or think outside the box. Thank you for sharing it with us here at TPL. I also think that you make a very good illustration of your mother with the things that go on in her life in seemingly "a blink of an eye." I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job! Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-04 00:33:16 |
She's... | Patricia Gibson-Williams | Patricia, This was very refreshing to read. I am a huge fan of reminding humanity what woman is to the world. I think that you do an awesome job of illustrating what "she is" to everything around her. I think the word rapt' is fine. I understood it clearly, and I thin that spelling adds flair and style as well as sets somewhat of a tone for the poem. The poem has a very strong beginning. That's important because readers are lost if the second line is not full of promise for them (smile), but you've done a wonderful job of captivating the audience from the first stanza. As it goes on, you build on what "she is," and after stanza 7, I think the tone changes a little. At any rate, this is a great poem, and I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-04 00:03:18 |
A Diamond Of Design | Nancy Ann Hemsworth | Nancy, This was really interesting, and you did a wonderfully creative job personifying stones of all different types. I thought the title was more than fitting, but by the end of the poem I think you can call this one SACRED GEMSTONES or even SACRED STONES (just a suggestion --smile). How clever to devote one stanza to each type of stone, each type of person. You tie the qualities of the stone into the real qualities of people so well. So much so, that we become the stones, and the stones become us. I'm still trying to figute out which stone I am. I always compared myself to a diamond, but according to your poem, aren't we all. Thanks for sharing such a refreshing poem. It was delightful to read. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-03 21:26:57 |
The Man In The Window | Ms.Kim Shumaker | Kim, Thanks for sharing your sentiments of poetry at TPL this month. I enjoyed reading it. It actually reminded me of a lot of the things that my grandmother used to say. I call them "truisms" (smile). I think that the title is very appropriate, and it reads like a charm. It reads like prose, so I'll call it a prose poem; however, you could do all sorts of things with the lines. But that depends on what kind of structure you would like it to carry. When I'm writing poems, sometimes I write them in different formats (lines and stanzas) just to see if it will have an effect on how they are read, how the thoughts transition from one to the next. I think you definitely have a story here, and I would go with prose (paragraph style). You have a storyteller's spirit which shines through in this selection. Keep on writing, and I enjoyed reading this selection tremendously. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-03 21:09:48 |
Arthurian Ode - Part One | Robert Wyma | Robert, this is passionately written with much respect for the history of England. I was more amazed as each stanza and line went on by. Poets have different motivations, and I'm always astounded when I come across poetry whose motivations are different from my own, because I know what it takes to write a poem. It does take passion and it takes pride, love and yearning for the subject inside. You have skillfully crafted this poem. It's brilliant use of language sets the tone which is required. I felt like I, myself, was somewhere in King Arthur's court bearing witness to all that unfolds. I think you do a wonderful job of articulating the scene with poetry. The reader is drawn in. To be honest, I felt like I was reading a Shakespearean play. I could picture it all. I'd be interested in seeing the "more" that will come after this. It will make a great piece in total. I'm curious, did you study literature anywhere? This is some great writing, and I'm glad that you shared it at TPL this month. The title is so aesthetic, and what follows is a poem so rich in history and creativity. Poetic genius. Great work. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-03 11:06:02 |
The Earth Smiled | marilyn terwilleger | Marilyn, This is a very good poem. You do a wonderful job of bringing poetic elegance to nature in these stylish three lined stanzas. A story from the heavens unfolds with your words and images. I feel as though you took your time with this poem, or you set such an awesome and adequate tone with your words that the words do seem to slowly roll out of your mouth and down to the end of the poem. You probably already noticed the discrepancy with the last line, probably a typo. Please let me know how the last line should be read. Again, I enjoyed the poem. It's filled with wonder and powerful description that we often see in nature (without such a beautiful story to behold it). This is a clever one, and your poetic abilities really shine in every line. Thanks for sharing it at TPL, and I look forward to reading more. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 22:28:37 |
Schism | Regis L Chapman | Very clever poem. I like the brevity of the lines that lead you right down to the end of the poem. The worlds are filled with meaning that navigate the reader down through delightful reading. The words roll off the tongue very well which makes this piece just so poetic and fun to read. Thanks for explaining the inspiration behind it, because I was wondering (smile). This poem reminds me of one of those deep thought moments, and when you think about it, we could find deep thought in just about any moment, and to think that you took the time to make an in depth poetic reflection on a cat spilling water on your wife in the middle of the night . . . well this is real poetry (smile). Thanks for sharing it on TPL. I love its style and found myself reading it over and over several times just to hear myself say the cute and sophisticated verbiage you have used here. Very creative. Excellent poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 13:41:46 |
Seattle | Michael J. Cluff | Michael, as a military spouse, I can certainly appreciate this poem. My husband returned from a year of duty in Iraq a few months ago, and the world moved on. We still have many friends serving in that God forsaken country. Getting to your poem, I think Seattle is a good title. However, I had no clue what it would be about. But, my interest was peaked enough to read it. I knew it would be about something or someone in Seattle. When you love to visit new places, and meet new people, this can happen. These are probably the types of readers this poem will attract. I think that you have poetically revealed a commentary on what happened in the situation. Your opinions are here, but not so strong that they disturb anyone who differs with your opinion. Are you into news reporting or publications? If so, I could really see how you make a good reporter. The poem begins very, very strong, and this is necessary. This was great. Corpses are not camera shy (great phrase; and there's some great alliteration of the c's here in this stanza) do not mind their coffins being viewed by others. This entire stanza is really stunning. It stunned me as a reader. In fact, I had to read it twice. Death and dead bodies aren't often spoke of so casually, but you set a marvelous tone for what follows. In this line, you're not forceful, but the opinion that dead soldiers wouldn't mind having their pictures taken rings out in these lines. In fact, it's probably more of an honor than what our government will attribute to them. It does not insult them, (and why our gov't would find it insulting, I don't know . . . actually we do know) being blanketed warm, at least to the standards of the living, and finally safe (this line is so meaningful --FINALLY SAFE-- as our gov't continues to lie to us about it) inviolate from the vagrancies of peace and.... war. (so effective here that you take your time and bring some silence to this poem, a silence that causes this word to really sink into the readers mind and think about what you've just said. It's profound to think of the aspects of war and what it does to politicians, the people and the soldiers fighting it) And photographers are fired for taking pictures, (these 3 lines are ASTOUNDING; to get fired for what you're hired to do; powerful thought, only in America) snapshots, of flag-draped closed caskets returning from war-zoned Iraq. (again, this stanza is as mesmerizing as the first, again we have the alliterative c sounds; the wording is perfect, the style of the lines gives a drop down reading effect which makes the overall meaning and reading so much more poetic.) The "Seattle Times" published the photos at possible 'government upset' yet.... you can't fire a newspaper only people..... (and this is a sad commentary) "älack the day" thinks the military on this issue and most likely definitely so on other points of any disagreement. I think we have idiots running the country and the intelligence fighting the war (smile). I think that these last few years will cause the world to really sit back and evaluate what it means to be a soldier, what it means to be a citizen and what it means to give power to political leaders. Thanks for sharing this poem at TPL. You have certainly made me dig deeper as I reflect on a year of war during an election time. Good luck with your writing. Great poem! Keep on writing and provoking the thoughts of readers. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 11:56:18 |
Flow? | Ryan D Allen | Hi Ryan, You're not a bad poem writer. You're just like the rest of us, you think a lot (smile). This poem is not like a poem, but it really IS a poem (smile) because that's what you have called it. Poet's like to ask questions, and no one often has the answers to our questions but us. I think that's what takes place in this poem. I think that you have written it in search of something. In fact, you are searching for the answer as to whether this is even feasible, and I'm here to tell you that it is. And YES, a poem can have flow to it, even if we think that it doesn't. Poetry is interpreted in a myriad of ways, and readers don't often find the author's meaning; however, they try to make sense of poetry as the words unfold within their minds. I would advise you to continue writing on and to explore all of the foundations and sytles of poetry. I enjoyed reading this poem because it made me think about the definition of poetry, what makes a poem a poem, and I reflect on the fact that poetic flair and style don't make words become poems. We make them poems. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL this month. I enjoyed reading it. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 06:57:42 |
Creating and Dating | Mandie J Overocker | Amanda, this is a cute poem, and it's a very refreshing read after checking out some of the more complex poetry this month. It felt grest not to have to decipher much of anything, but to be able to read and follow a great poetic thought. I loved the brief lines which made the poem a treasure right down to the end, and you do capture the things that we poets and writers live in every line. I think the title also was a good choice. Within the poem you seem to play on the words and the sounds that they make, and that's what makes this piece work so well. We get bits and pieces of rhyme, alliteration, etc. as the lines unfold. There's a sense that we're coming "down" from some wonderful place as you read this poem. Again, something else that can be attributed to the experience of being an artist. No one understands our times like we do. This was a delightful poem. Thanks for sharing in on TPL this month. Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 06:23:30 |
Poet's Prophetic Metophor | Robert L Tremblay | This is a tightly written exquisite poem. You take the tragedy of 9/11 to an absolute OTHER level. To begin with, I adore the title,and yes, millions of poems have been written on 9/11, and even after 3 years, you are still able to capture the horror and the spirituallity that stems from what happened that day. The style of the poem is so poetic and it flows well from the first stanza down to the last. It's not merely a simple poem about 9/11, but in its own little complex way, it discusses the reality of it with such poetic elegance and sophistication. Your word choice is so proper, and it's consistent throughout the poem. I don't think I could choose a favorite line in this poem, because they all work so well together. Aside from the mispelling of "metaphor" in the title, it's a perfect poetic rendition. The first line "twin towering infernos, minimized" sets such a stunning tone for what follows. This is in no way an elementary piece of work, and I was glad to read it on the Link this month. Great rhyme scheme, great smooth read with lots of depth and meaning. It was a joy to read. Good work. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-10-02 06:14:48 |
When Trees Begin to Spill Their Color | Joanne M Uppendahl | Joanne, I like the way you begin this poem. It's a technique that I, myself, have been playing with in poetry. It's just poetic to begin a poem's title with "when." This is certainly a poem for the season that is upon us. You do a wonderful job of calling on all of the things that make fall "fall." It's very descriptive. It's hard for me to write description this well. You have paid very close attention to the birds, the trees and the breeze of fall. I think the 2 line stanzas are also appropriate. I think it brings out the scarcity of the leaves in fall. When I look at this poem, it's like looking at a tree where leaves have actually fallen, nothing but limbs left for the winter to come. I think this is great descriptive poetry; had to write much like this in my college poetry class. It's great to get away from the mundane of "life" and just talk about nature. Great job. There's a lot of alliteration and assonance throughout the lines of the poems, and that's also refreshing and makes reading about nature so much easier and delightful. Great poem. Latorial www.latorial.com | 2004-09-26 17:47:57 |
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