Duane J Jackson's E-Mail Address: nightbreed2006@yahoo.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Duane J Jackson	Critique Date
The tall ships	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, The call of the sea is as powerful as any known to mankind..your imagery cements your longing and impresses your reader. Very well written. Duane.	2009-09-15 22:51:24
Secret Love Letter	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Solid ending - the icing on the cake on an evocative piece. I like the motion of the desparate sketching and all the pulsating activity in this 'moment'. I would recommend changing this -' my body desires to arrest your passion'. Something more unique would give this piece more power than it already has. I liked this. Duane.	2009-09-13 01:50:02
The Vacancy	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Interesting. And it certainly makes one think. This 'vacancy' can mean different things to different people. For me - the promised land, or a tryst with victory. My favorite lines were - "....you’ll need to think like grass, to bend with wind/but hold through hurricane; endure cold, hot,/famine and, I’m sure you guessed it, disease/mainly though not only of the spirit.....". I liked this. Duane.	2009-09-12 23:08:31
The Tree	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Enjoyed the read. It reminds us of a stark reality that haunts this world day in and day out and still, we somehow let it all pass by - in our usual show of ignorance. Your poem is reflective of your awareness and concern. we fail to realise that this must come full circle and we, not the trees, will be the eventual sufferers. A poem that spawns thought. Duane.	2009-09-12 16:10:47
My Vote-August	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Once again, thanks for the vote. A very good month compared to the slow and sluggish start. It was good to have Debbie back and I hope she is able to stick around more regularly. Thank you for the liner notes to your choices. Duane.	2009-09-07 22:25:17
Votes For August	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Our voting choices were almost identical. It seems August really took off compared to its sluggish start. Critque numbers seem to jump up towards the middle and end of each month. 83 crits is not a bad figure and the poetry refelcted a growth in the art as far as tpl is concerned. Here's looking forward to september and thank you for being a key link in the tpl chain. P.S - I wonder what we can do to retain the new comers - lisa ann arrived and then disappeared - though she needs to work a lot on her critiques - but I'm not sure if she was open to it...Then, Christina who has just posted a piece - I hope she grows into the family too. Take care, Duane.	2009-09-06 23:03:30
Careful	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Very nice. Short, elegant in its simplicity and rich in depth. This confessional enactment is real - and very aptly put, the difference between locked out and locked out is very very small. I like the honesty in the line 'for i will sin'. One of my favorite pieces from your pen. It gives the reader much to think about on the philosophy of life and spirituality and the thin line between the two. Duane.	2009-09-06 22:50:51
breaks my heart	Christina Morrow	Hi Christina, Welcome to TPL. This piece is very strong in terms emotional content. I can feel the searing pain of having been betrayed - I've been in that position myself and know how difficult it is to deal with. Poetry is a perfect outlet to vent. I would suggest, that in your next step of revision, you would look for an image that would 'show' your reader, rather than 'tell' him or her. The image would need to be fresh. That to me would be the first step in taking this to its next level. Good to have you here. Duane.	2009-09-06 14:51:58
Peer Pressure	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I liked reading this. There is more to it than meets the eyes and your last line - 'wont bring back the faceless voiceless of truth' underlines this. While I'm unable to pin point the excact message in the piece, there are many clues which make the reader think and form one for himself - 1. call to duty 2. living up to expectations 3. exploitation by the giants of this world (corporate houses, nation super powers, etc). You have poste quite a few pieces this month and I'm glad that you are in an inspired mood to write. Duane.	2009-09-06 00:09:43
Too Late To Learn	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Once again, this poem, among some of the others is an example of your forward progression in development of strong and original imagery. --Your four corners of material matters will be folded over your face -- very nice line. This poem packs a punch. I found this to be off though - Your judgment docked forever/In ships of wasted moments - in the sense that ships dock (in docks and harbors) so am not too comfortable with anything docking in ships -- though 'ships of wasted moments' is a great line. Very nice read. Duane.	2009-09-05 03:50:32
Soul Mates	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie !!! It is a pleasure to see a post from you in ages. It would be great if you could share more of your poetry with us on a regular basis. I hope all is well with you. You have written a very 'real' and 'touching' poem on the influence that only a soul mate could weild. The inter-weaving of two natures is portrayed well in a profound simplicty that highlights just that - simplicity in connections - no strings attached, no expectations...it's almost like staring at oneself in the mirror of contentment. That is the power of a 'soul mate' and I'm happy you reminded me of it today. Duane.	2009-09-05 03:44:43
Unsettled	James C. Horak	Hi James, Very deep and rich in language. Yes, the fear of death can be a greater burden than death itself. I really like the way you have presented your thought.. One of my favorite poems of yours. Duane.	2009-09-02 23:23:00
Jester of Life	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I've been carefuly noticing how your imagery is growing stronger in terms of originality and intensity. Nothing impresses me more than a poem with original and strong imagery that is also simple. You are getting sharper in this area --- planting babies of ideas...creature curious of indigo...very nice. I know I've said this before and it may be my personal preference of style, but I would really like you to try using the same flair for imagery in a metrical piece...give it a try. Duane.	2009-09-02 23:07:40
My Votes for July (though tardy)	James C. Horak	Hi James, Thanks for your consideration of 'throat of sky' and it was nice to find a mention of 'tied to my dreams'. Quite a slow month in august in terms of posts and crits...Lets hope september spins faster. Duane.	2009-09-02 22:58:08
U.S. Hell Is Where Some Dwell	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I can understand the dire back ground from which this poem springs. The 'credit' crunch particularly from the murky real estate sector - the sub prime lending fiasco and the rippling effect it had in other areas. The effects can be effect all the way over here in India now that the crises has taken on a global shape. Your imagery in the fourth stanza brilliantly leads us to the heart of this storm - the common man. When will it all blow over? This was a poem that refelcts your awareness and compassion. Never turn a blind eye..thats a strong message for the world today. Duane.	2009-08-30 23:01:16
Yoyo	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Fun piece. Full of movement as the yoyo keepings moving in and out and up and down. I like the way you liken this to your expoloits. I'm not sure, but the serpent image to me, is at odds with the bubbly and light hearted nature of the piece. It wept the smile off my face as I prepared for something more sinister in the verses to follow. Duane.	2009-08-29 22:43:52
Back Flash Bright	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Powerful last verse - with some very sharp and intense imagery. I relished the words. My suggestion here would be to strcuture the piece with a more 'meter' oriented flow and to bring the first few verses upto par with the very good imagery in the last verse. Good message. Duane.	2009-08-29 22:39:47
View In Your Eyes	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Fame, glory, popularity...indeed, the easiest way to make people sit up and take notice..or else, one is just another many of the thrillion faces..unnoticed, 'un'special. Your poem highlights this well. I still feel though that this can be worked on a little more. I would not recommend the direct and somewhat forced rhyme - 'fear, hear' 'light' 'sight'. Also, re-work the imagery to make it more unique. It becomes even more difficult as this poem has a universal message. Hope all is well. Duane.	2009-08-29 22:37:17
My Vote July	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Thanks so much for voting 'throat of sky' as the #1 poem of the month. Here's looking forward to August :-) I can see some strong similarities in our voting patterns. Duane.	2009-08-10 00:37:17
July Winners Results	DeniMari Z.	hi Deni, Thank you for critiquing actively. And thanks for voting for some of my poems !! All in all, July was a slower month than expected considering we had more variety of people submitting than we usually do. Hope all is well with your relocation. Duane.	2009-08-09 21:56:34
Either Way	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Powerful piece. Lovely ending - a good philosophy on the starting point of a human being's map of life. 'Either Way' is a befitting title. Great job here !! Duane.	2009-08-02 21:58:54
By The Lake In "Yardville"	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I liked the subtle use of assonance in this piece and consider it a fine reflection on your childhood. The enthusiasm with which you view it, is very evident from the upbeat tempo of the lines. Some very nice use of imagery as well. Innocence magnified. Duane.	2009-08-02 21:54:34
Anti-Mundane	James C. Horak	Hi James, I'm in a mood to attach a sense of symbolism to everything I come across and tie it in with a spiritual feel on another level though your last lines - "nothing fails to matter that has duration" is so apt even in everyday living. And while it might not be intended I'm led to think of the Middle East as I read this. The hand that steadies itself to deliver lasting peace (note pun on piece) ...the allusion to the Dome of The Rock (contentious in brokering a 'lasting' 'durable' peace between Palestine and Israel). Certainly, the 'comical', 'tenuous' and 'temporary' peace manouveurs between the two sides wont and will never matter UNLESS a visionary leader with a steady hand makes it DURABLE. Wow, I hope I haven't rambled in this interpretation but I thought you'd find it interesting that your poem speaks on that level too. I enjoyed this read thoroguhly. It is immensely relevant and as always, well written. Duane.	2009-07-28 23:11:02
Y......	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I can sense the excruciating pain you must be feeling on reading this piece. I can relate with the darkness within your heart and soul though our situations might be very different. Your poem is aptly titled ' Y'. It is the universal question suffering asks and indeed, more often than not, the answers fail to satisfy. While there is a larger purpose to why things happen, it isn't easy to understand that when loss is as personal and unexplainable as the loss you felt. Use of 'dragon' imagery, words like 'agony., 'fire', 'bitter'..help enhance your means of conveying your hurt. I found no nots witht he flow. My favorite line (the one with the most impact ) was - 'as light floats beyond the sun on stones of the dead'. Deep, honest and dark piece. Duane.	2009-07-27 00:02:38
Inner Sanctum	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, This was a strong philosophical take on the inner sanctums of our souls. There is truth here and would make anyone stop to think. My favorite line is - 'The depths so difficult in finding the surface, yet light is found when inner strength is the focus'. Thank you for sharing and glad to have you back. Duane.	2009-07-25 22:35:23
Squatter	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, reading this with a fresher persepctive, helps and I thank you for clarifying my previous mis-interpretation. I appreciate the audio and visuals - dirty beige and hissing.....You have given us a clear picture. I would still suggest a fresher way of depicting the night other than 'deep, dark cover' and it would be more appropriate if you line 2 is re-written with syntax which is what cause me to misread..."an in-my-face- scum". I like the assonance in 'gobe' and 'force'. Thanks for re-posting. Duane.	2009-07-18 23:16:04
Watermelon	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I'm not a fan of the fruit but know of many family members and friends who just relish it. Nice introduction to watermemlon in your opening line - 'liquid sunshine'....you certainly seem to be celebrating summer. What topped this poem with a cherry is this line - 'they roll and spin in the race for place...'...I was able to picture this and enjoy what I saw. Very animated indeed ! I would suggest getting rid of the 'mmmmmmm'...it kind of trivialises things...though I know it is your intention to tell us how much you love it. The fact that you wrote about it and did well at that, is proof enough. Pretty show month on tpl...isn't it? Duane.	2009-07-18 21:45:29
Intowards	James C. Horak	Hi James, There was euphoria in the air when Obama was elected...it has been over 4 months if I;m not mistaken. As an outsider I wouldn't be able to closely feel the effects of his presidency except perhaps for what he is doing or 'undoing' on the world stage. I always looked at his election with cynicism...ridden on impractical platforms for brining about change....he wants too much too soon and that could defeat the positive end result he is seeking...at times I feel this is a wolf in sheep's clothing...and as his predecesor, I dislike the way the u.s president's office keeps sucking up to countries like pakistan feeding terrorism on one hand and eating it up on the other......I fail to see principles..a staunch champion for peace based on a thoroughly thought out mechanism to ensure that it is an everlasting one. Your poem highlights the frustration of failed promises and bleak hope of achieving any sense of sustained peace on the streets of america and around the world over. Powerful. Duane.	2009-07-15 23:26:58
The unpunished	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Excellent ! It's an honor to have you with us, posting and critiquing again. I like the play on dice and die...heel and hell...and the whole image that this scene creates. Intellectually profound. Duane,	2009-07-12 00:25:02
Leftover Pieces	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, A touching piece about hopelessness. I can relate. It certainly is high on emotion and the rhyme scheme carries it forward pleasantly. You are aware by now, I'm a fan of rhyme and assonance and this poem has it :-) Is this a particular form, you have chosen to write in? Just checking. I would prefer going with an even number of lines. You have 9 here. I also felt that some of the imagery could be spruced up with a little more freshness. Nevertheless, and as always, your poem like all your others have a rawness of emotion and sincerity in expression that is a strength in itself. Duane.	2009-07-09 23:13:24
My Votes for June	James C. Horak	Hi James, Indeed. June was a wonderful month in terms of the quality of posts. It was good to see Mark S back in full gear and to have Tony pop in with some very valuable feedback. I missed Lora's contribution as well. Thank you for your recognition of Red Writing. You had some powerful posts as always. I might have overosed on the submission count for July and we're only into our first week ! Seems like I'm out to keep all you busy with critiquing. Duane.	2009-07-08 23:20:54
June Vote	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Happens with me very often. I wonder if Chris is alert enough to have noticed this bug. Great choices in your list and thanks for the consideration given to Red Writing. Here's to July !! Duane.	2009-07-07 23:30:43
You're Only My Friend........When	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I can relate. It is most unfortunate that the world can stoop to such heartlessness. Expecting anything of anyone is seems too much in today's world of human nature. I relive betrayal on a daily basis. Your poem certainly reeks of the anger that has been building up. I do feel that you might want to sit with this a little more when the dust settles, to do some polishing particularly with regards to structure as I was not sure about the kind of form you were going for. I also felt that the last verse packed the most power and if I were you, would revise this poem using the last verse as the pillar. Build on it - 'help me help me sounds', was great. A nice slap of an ending. Duane.	2009-07-04 23:53:02
Reaching	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, An interesting comparison between a tree bound to its soil like a prisoner and yourself (bound to your sense of being). You must have been in a very philosophical state of mind while writing this. If I were to make suggestions, it would be to shorten it so that it packs more power and to mke the flow more uniform - verse 5 suddenly seemed to have all this rhyme which isolates it from the overall flow. I would also like to see the imagery of imprisonment enhanced with a stronger feeling of pain and suffering. Enjoyed the read. Duane.	2009-07-04 00:04:11
Sunday Afternoon	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, The flow was bubbly and represented the enthusiasm and optimism you have always displayed in your approach to life. The imagery was good. I was caught a little off guard by the breaks in your scheme of rhyme and am not sure if you were following a set pattern - particluarly verse 1 and 4 which were different in terms of scheme from the 2 and 3. I also fee that the last two lines were like a big step on the brakes and jolted me off the exciting and vivid journey. They stand isolated and you might consider incorporating them into the whole piece. Duane.	2009-07-03 23:54:11
It Could Have Rained Yesterday	James C. Horak	Hi James, A very reflective piece written in the back drop of rainy weather and a clearing sky that fosters regret. I can identify with the feeling and sentiment of this piece. Poetically, very well penned, replete with fine imagery (i especially liked the one about night drawing borders that fall short of expectations) and I also found the use of alliterative sounds quite prominent in this poem. I have always leant to words alliteration as a poetic device. Excellent as always - Duane.	2009-07-03 23:39:32
Subject To	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena. A very motivational piece that uplifts the defeated spirit if the reader. You show here that life does not have a single door that cant be opened into a world of opportunity. I like the message and the sincerity of thought. The subtle rhyme in risk/abyss...i felt was more creative than the more forced rhyme in the first two verses - before/evermore and try/die. The meter was fine. But then, its the message that speaks out and that serves the purpose of your intent in writing this. I enjoyed chancing upon this at the end of a 'cloudy' day. Duane.	2009-06-22 22:22:10
Sub T' Abuse	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I get a sense of genuine concern and anger from this hard hitting piece. You liken drugs to the gifts of the devil (very true) and chide the childish imps for even caring to search through the bags which house them. I also feel, in addition to your thoughts that there must be a social upheavel (not sure i spelt this right) to reverse or drastically change the order we have become as a race. Someone puts the drugs there for kids to use, someone fails to teach them values (school systems), someone fails to listen to them when they need to be listened too. There are so many contributing factors and behind the lives of these drug addicts one will always find a dark background of turmoil, rejection, low self esteem. We are all in it together...we owe it to society and to our race. Techinically, you might want to look at form and structure a little closely as I felt that the rhyme scheme could be more consistent. I feel smoothening out the structure would make this piece more effective. Take care, Duane.	2009-06-21 23:05:40
Regal Anger	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I hope they (the arrogant) read this. Arrogance can indeed be a BIG turn-off to anyone who has the misfortune of encountering this trait in others. I like the passion with which this has come off your pen - it reflects your sincere contempt. I also like the image of the 'bitch' that stands in the undertow as she 'pisses' off the jets that fly high above her, with her lessons in humanity. I'm not sure about 'casted'. Is that grammatically correct? 'Casts' sounds better or in this case, 'casting'. Also look closely at this line - 'too pure to let them know' - are you saying that you are too pure to let them know - cause thats how it reads IMO? I would prefer, 'too impure to let them know'. That would also reduce the word' far' which has been repeated twice (something we might want to avoid is being repetitive especially when it is a word as simple and common as 'far'). Your ending is summed up very well and is poetically the strongest part of the poem. A nice punch. I liked this piece, Deni. Duane.	2009-06-21 03:33:38
Rainbow Blues	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, There is a strong sense of searching from an optimistic perspective in this peice. You believe in color and scratch for it on life's very rough surface. Coming to the poem now, I felt that the last two lines were very good and carried all the poetry of the poem. The preceding lines might need more work in terms of structure and imagery to help them flow more as a poem. Interesting philosophy of life. Duane.	2009-06-20 23:24:16
The Squatter	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This could be literal and densely symbolic (the haunting of a lover/ an object of hate - could be a person, situation or thing). I like how you've mixed visuals and sonics in this piece and have made more detailed comments below - Possum hide (s) beneath the deck Dirty beige and hissing --- liked the color and sound mixture here Skulking travel under (a little lost here) Night's deep dark cover -- this adds to the piece by enhancing the setting -- but would recommend a fresher way of saying it. On the fence I've seen you An(d) in my face scum -- hard hitting I'm undone by size and force I'll cease to acknowledge you --- I like the finality of the ending. Perhaps then you'll be gone --- indeed...at times it is best to ingore. With some tweaking, much can be made of this interesting piece :-) Take care, Duane.	2009-06-20 23:19:03
Cracks in the Tile and Suicides	James C. Horak	Hello James, I read this yesterday but could not respond immediately due to the emotional impact it had. This had a power I have not felt in any of my recent readings. The theme is inherently emotive for those who have been pushed into corners, who've been hurt, betrayed, closeted, denied, starved, discriminated. And within this dreary and dark thought you set forward a glimmer of hope...the very flow surged and headed to a climax of 'you can win'....I was reminded of my past, pensive of the present and though still pessimistic of the future, I held on...though there sin;t much to hold on to in terms of what I want...the object of my affection, my desire. Very effective and structred beautifuly. Thanks for posting this. Duane.	2009-06-17 23:03:31
Darkened Times	James C. Horak	Hi James, There is a 'dark' undercurrent running through this piece that springs from the darker side of human psyche - the submission to temptation, the denial of light and lack of faith. Who is the darkened beauty you speak of in verse 3? Nice concise piece that is effective in its portrayal of one of the darker facets of life. Duane.	2009-06-14 15:10:14
Char-Cold	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, very interesting title and play on 'charcoal' - dark, symbolic of suffering, torment.... 'Holding fire, a sphere of hellish moments while waiting to buy the sun a gift for melting the coldest days in life.' While there is a powerful sense of emtoion here I would recommend looking at this verse. The image tangled me up a bit because you refer to the hellish sphere of fire that represent the low points in your life and then go on to thank the sun ( also a sphere of fire) for melting the days of winter. Dont hold fire...hold ice and then gift the sun for melting the days of winter. Your image would then not contradict itself. Once, this is done, I feel the consistency of the piece would then be restored and will help make the following verses evocative and effective in transmitting your message. Take care, Duane.	2009-06-13 22:34:40
My Votes For Poems in Order	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, May indeed was a good month. Critiques are now averaging at 90-99 for the last three months or so. Thank you for voting my poem at # 5 and good job with your submissions too. They packed power and showed considerable improvement. Duane.	2009-06-07 22:39:44
My Votes for May	James C. Horak	Hi James, Thank you so much for voting 'I Imagined A Kiss' number 1 for the month. I'm looking forward to June and am still wondering what it is I will come up with. Thanks again for your support. Its also good to have Mark S back. Duane.	2009-06-07 22:37:50
May's vote	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Thanks for voting 'i imagined a kiss' at number 3. Now if only my inagination could become reality...I doubt. Thanks for all the support shown to tpl and its members. Duane,	2009-06-07 21:49:36
Upon Conducting a Class for Poets	James C. Horak	Hi James, Wonderful. You have effectively captured the essence of poetry writing and all that it entails in your call to poetry class. I would happily attend in an endeavour to turn the world on its head through rhyme and reason. Duane.	2009-06-07 01:40:06
Made of Ink	Kenneth R. Patton	Hello Kenneth, A wonderful poem. Firstly, it is short and crisp. My kind of writing as it says MORE with LESS. The imagery and metaphor are powerful. 'I am but a smudge while all are made of ink' - is a thought that is so original and nails this poem's theme. Of all the poems I have read from you, this is my favorite. Duane.	2009-06-07 01:36:50
Body Count	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This has a powerful anti- war sentiment flowing through it and the feelings are pure. I wish more of us would sit up and listen. Alas, we become complacent in our own lives unless it really affects us. I appreciate this piece in the spirit it was written in. I would however look deeper to find a fresher image and form which could not be found here. Perhaps, that is because of the poem's spontaniety. Take care, Duane.	2009-06-07 01:29:14
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