Duane J Jackson's E-Mail Address: nightbreed2006@yahoo.com


Duane J Jackson's Profile:
It's about time I updated this. It's been 7 years since I first posted here. Thankfuly I still dont feel I have grown any older in age. My poetry has advanced thanks to many of the poets who were and are still here. The process of giving and recieiving open and honest feedback is vital nourishment for any form of creativity. TPL has it in abundance. In my spare time, I'm either lost in thought or writing. I manage to squeeze in time to listen to music (roots rock) or watch television.

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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Duane J Jackson has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 391 to 440 out of 440 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Duane J JacksonCritique Date
Between Duties and DemonsLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, This was a deep one. And though this is written from the perspective of a woman, there are many who are confronted with choices (or the lack of them) and the many facets to their identitites, conflicting wants and desires, etc. The poem 'Duties and Demons' brings about this reality through the poet's own personal experience and reflects a kind of freezing between a 'forced' life (duties, domestic compulsions) and 'the other you' (who would prefer to liberate and breathe in the 'ushering in of life'. But for the attainment of harmony and peace of mind it's all about drawing a fine line 'Between Duties and Demons'. Another fine piece Latorial...with all the right words at the right times. The poem had a very good flow and was aptly titled (it was catchy!!) Take care, Duane. 2005-05-20 22:22:45
The Opposite Side Of Lifemarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn!! Every time I read a new poem of yours I tell you that it is one of your better ones. I'm going to say the same for this one too!! It's difficult to point out any favorite imagery here or what stood out about the pice because it stands as complete and very compelling. You have used rich poetic technique to bring to light, both beauty and tragedy. I am far from familiar with the Teton Mountains but the piece gives me a very realistic view of this gift of nature. This was craftsmanship!! Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-20 04:17:34
Who Was Reetika?Latorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, I never knew of Reetika before reading this poem and I'm glad I have this opportunity. It's also a matter of of special interest to note that she was born in India. I've noticed (and this piece only adds to that trend) that most poets or writers and others involved in the arts have had to live through tragedies or be devoured by them. I guess that's what makes them such good mediums of expression. In my case (not that I come close to any of them!! :-)), I too have had my share of pitfalls and it is the tragedy of living that spurs the desire to express. Once again, you've used excellent poetic technique to bring her story to light in the fewest of words. I especially liked verse 4 -'thoughts of death/and literary wealth'. Isn't this stark? And it's often very sad that most of our great poets have achieved greatness through expressing their miseries. Good job!! Take Care, Duane.2005-05-19 21:21:30
Child in the distanceMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, I haven't reached fatherhood yet but am especially intrigued by this strong bond of love you bring to light. Every passing word in this sentimentally rich and vivid piece adds itself to a mastefully crafted chain of love and emotional restlessness. I'm not too sure about the situaion here but I guess your son is separated from you and the very fact that he is so close ('In a photo frame, an impossible distance') and yet so far off makes you melt. You have employed some wonderful imagery in this piece and have laid out your words in a very clever and compelling way (ex- 'He wants, Not a mother’s worship nor the rod of fatherhood, But a space to leave his messy crayons'). It would be difficult to point out exactly what gripped me most in a pice like this where every word written contributes itself towards making this submission an excellent one. You have starnded together emotions, recounted the various stages in your son's life as he grew up and sealed it with the hope that a re-union would have him in your arms again. The poem is aptly titled and sets the tone for the body of the work that follows. This was excellent, Mark, and I hope you and your son do get back together very soon. Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-18 07:42:51
Walking In MorningNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, A classical love poem on offer even as I unwind from a hard day's work. The sentiment in this piece is rich and there is no way any of the readers will be able to leave this piece without being stirred from within. 'Walking In Morning', is a double edged poem based on a rhyme scheme and divided into 5 smooth flowing verses of four lines each. I use the word 'double edged' as it reveals not only your passion for the person you refer to ('So deep in my soul is a longing to soothe you') but his soured love for the female he never had ('Yet you should not ache for the hand of that maiden, To a love so unworthy, you need not be bound'). All along he seems to have lied himself into believeing that the woman he loved was the alpha and omega of his existence only to end up with "..worries, now worn as a collar so weary, that circles 'his' neck like a noose tightly drawn." You on the other hand, contrast this 'other' woman in terms of understanding and feeling for him from the deepest depths of your heart ('Let your frigid heart warm to the one who is true') The poem ends very romntically with you expressing your desire for him to allow you to walk 'those' mornings with him. Eventhough slant rhyme was hardly adopted the rhyme scheme here never once seemed too forced. The read was comfortable and sentimentally abundant. I've found myself in the same situation several times and can easily identify with what went into the writing of 'Walking In Morning'. Hope to read more soon. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-18 07:05:03
High TideMedard Louis Lefevre Jr.Hi Medard!! It's been a long time, hasn't it? I am glad I have the opportunity of responding to this 'nature' inspired poem. The shoreline has always been one of my more favored comfort zones in matters of stress-relief or in search of inspiration and spirituality. And while my city, Calcutta, is a long way from the shore, the very thought of it relaxes my muscles and eases my broken mind. 'High Tides', deals with your appreciation of this gift of nature and you seem to have grown up with it ever since you were a child. And while we grow up, Nature has laways remained her natural self, ever ready to lead to a world of awe and respite. You fill the piece with vivid images ('shrimp boats work, watchful pelicans skim close to the sea, A pink sun rises, Beachcombers are looking to find the best shells, etc') and activity which makes the scene come alive before the reader. I'm glad I found this after a hard day's work :-) The repetitive lines 'High tide is....) creates the effect of waves brushing against the shore. The poem flowed smoothly from beginning to end and is aptly titled. Keep writing!! Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-16 08:04:11
People Say They're KindLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, I'm knocking on your doors again! And I stopped by to tell you that like your other poems this month, this too stands out as a testament to your social conscience and its flair for addressing very real and sensitive issues that have left their mark on the African-american communities for ages. The anger in this poem is a little more obvious and you throw very direct questions and answer them too. The poem speaks of the contradictory stances of human kind. The last line of the last verse serves the final punch and is the highlight of the poem. The pun is a smart one and addresses the favoritism of white establishments towards the white sections of their communities leaving the others backward and wanting. I wouldn't change a thing in this because it's honesty is its best support. Keep up the excellent job you have done this month!! Take Care, Duane.2005-05-16 07:38:29
Retail Therapystephen g skipperHi Stephen, I'm not sure if I've had the pleasure of critiquing on e of your poems before but I was deeply impressed by the craft you have put into 'Retail Therapy'. I will be keeping my eyes open for more of your work. Written in free-verse, this unique poem grabs the reader from start to finish with its gravity of sensuality and focus (the foot of a woman -often considered one of the more sexually sensitive parts of a woman). You've given this poem an atmosphere through vivid imagery ('They lay in the open blue box, on a crinkled bed of musical tissue', 'They were adorned in delicate hand crafted flowers', etc) and supported this with great descriptives that enhance the power and appeal of the gift you offered her ('Presented on an architects stiletto','Heels had never looked so elegantly sophisticated', etc---- excellent and original----It's amazing the way you are able to create magic from a pair of shoes!!) 'Excitement barely contained, she lifted my gift as if they were the sacred chalice'. This line stole the moment. The image of her holding your gift as if it were the sacred chalice is a stroke of genius as it conjures up a lovely image in the mind of the reader and also adds a whole ocean of depth to the importance of the gift and its meaning to her. I liked the touch of Karen Miller. I wonder how many new clients she earned after this one :-) The poem flowed well and the title was fresh and apt. Yes, I'm all praises for the piece and I wouldn't change a thing about it.This was sheer craftsmanship and I hope to read more in the very near future. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-16 07:24:54
Crested SwiftNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, I am completely in awe of the Haiku and Tanka styles of poetry as they come across as big challenges to those who seek to use them. You have done an excellent job at doing so and have made optimum use of its limitations to present a poem that is replete with imagery and color (and since this about humming birds, one can almost hear the buzzing of those lightning fast wing flaps). I have seen humming birds just once in my lifetime and was amazed at these tiny and taken for granted creatures. Your poem does full justice to their unique identity and brings to the fore, the characteristics and color of their small lives. 'Swift bantam hummer's brawny wings'- well described---the strength in their tiny wings will put the strongest of us to shame. 'Vibrating iridescence' - rich language and a befitting way to allow your reader to grasp the beautiful coloration of the creature. Poems dealing with Nature are always refreshing and welcome. Thanks for this window into the under-estimated life of these little birds. Well done!!! Take Care, Duane.2005-05-15 21:29:48
TVLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, It's me again!! :-) A Haiku on offer this time and you are already aware of the fact that I find this form of poetry very intriguing and challenging. Once again, you have touched the sensitve roots of your identity 'from Rwanda, to the Bush, to America'. It is very true that in all these places, the community is still left wanting. Aboriginees in the Bush are still not at par with their white counterparts and in Rwanda, the situation is even worse. I believe, the situation in America (though not perfect) is better off than in most places thanks to the Civil Rights Movement. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-15 20:50:51
Traces of WarLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, I am thrilled to find another one of your poems on my list and once again you have drawn my attention to a very stark reality. I have thoroughly enjoyed and appreaciated every one of your submissions this month. If my interpretation is correct this time, 'Traces of War' deals with the African-american history and the movement of the community far from its roots to the shores of the Unites States of America: 'there are too many sands of sadness, yet we pick up the pieces every day to move on from what carried us so far away'--------this is a deep reflection and a probable reference to the portion of Africans who were dispatched to the USA and elsewhere to work as slaves under the most inhuman of circumstances. Through this poem you have recreated this lingering past ('as my children wander into our kitchen/for cool glasses of milk and into our arms/for comfort, the memories stick like grit) in a african-american household and I am sure there are many such households that live with the suffering with their forefathers and with the uncertainty of the futures of generations to come. 'Traces Of War', therefore does not necessarily speak about real war but and internal war of the spirits, a mental one that supressed and violated a commmmunity. I have always been interested in cultures and communities and have followed the history of African-Americans. The Civil Rights Movement has inspired me in several ways even though I am a long way away in India with a very different history. Have you watched the movie 'The Long Walk Home'? It was very touching and had to do with the struggles of an African-american woman who worked as a servant in a white home. Keep posting!! Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-15 20:23:19
Summoned By A KissErzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, The Frog Prince has always been one of the greater legends in fairytale writing as it appeals to all those who have felt inferior or hopeless in matters of love. You too have drawn inspiration from this great faiytale character and have given him a place in poetry by putting yourself in his position as you too pursue the love of your dreams. Like that story, you too leave your readers with a sense of hope in three free-form verses which have their share of vivid imagery. The frog you depict here has a sense of patience and contentment which probably arises out of the fact that he too his confident that he will find the kiss of his long lost princess ('flies and mosquitos are delicacies', 'hope to find the magic lips of my princess') As a suggestion, you could refer to the eye of the sky as 'eyes'- a reference to the many stars that shine in it. The sentiment you express here is very strong. Yes, it is so easy to miss TPL. I was away for about two years and returned to full fleged activity a couple of months ago. Hope to hear more from you more often. Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-15 05:39:50
BrokenTerrye GodownHi Terrye, This was a very touching tribute to the inspirational life of your dear mother. In this tribute, you have recounted the various sacrifices she made and hardships she was made to endure, all in the name of love. The love of a mother is special and it is often stronger than any form of love felt by mankind. The imagery is vivid and you give the reader a very real sense of what life was like, leading upto seeing all of you grown up and content, from the time her husband left her till now. I'm not going to point out what was so poetically good about the piece or how well it flows or about the various vivid images employed. For me,this piece transcends poetry in its inspiration and encouragement not only to mothers but to all who have had to live through struggles. This isn't just poetry...it's a manifestation of divine love and I am deeply touched and inspired. I am glad you posted this. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-15 00:42:32
ContentmentAudrey R DoneganHi Audrey, I was drawn to this piece because of its gravity. You have done what poetry does best, i.e, talk about so much in so few words and leave the reader with a banquet of thought and a soulful of vision. The night sky has always clung to me like a magnet. It makes my senses soar. I never miss an opportunity to star-gaze and probe the mysteries of the depths of space - the stars, the moon, the comets, the planets, the possibilities of alien life and water on Mars!! Gosh, I could go on. Your poem 'Contentment', is a tribute to the night-sky and its ability to soothe our weary spirits. Through this poem, you have given the readers a very real sense of how mesmerised you are with this beauty. The flow was good and the imagery was vivid (starring fish eyed and wide - innovative and unique!! watch the moon explode into fuschia-white light, starlit blaze of glory, vibrating hemispheres, etc) If I have a suggestion at this point of time, it would be to replace the word 'deathless' with a word such as 'immortal' as it sounds more powerful, impacting and more positive- but that's just an opinion :-) Very well-written!! Take care, Duane.2005-05-15 00:03:43
Spring's ProphecyPaul R LindenmeyerHi Paul, It's a pleasure to find one of your pieces at the top of my list and be given the opportunity to respond to it. Appropriately titled Spring's Prophecy, the poem serves to reinstate the promise of bright sunshine, colorful gardens in all of creation's glory. The rain is but a reminder of the greater promise held tight in the grip of Spring's unfailing prophecy. With rich imagery and language you have in a few words, made this readers read an enjoyable one. I like your use of the word 'resurrection' to describe the rebirth of the roses and 'frognarian' added an innovative touch to depict the chorus of the frogs who are also in waiting like the rest of us for the full-fledged onset of this speacial season. Very well-written. If I could offer a suggestion (and this is just my two cents bit), it would be good if you could get some butterflies into the picture. I think they would go very well with the flowers. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-14 23:06:42
If I Could Flymarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, As always, it's a pleasure to find and respond to one of your poems. Aptly titled 'If I Could Fly', the poem gives a reader a sense of the poets' desire to break free and erupt in a blaze of freedom and glory. Use of the word 'malcontent' to depict the poets viewing of the flitting sparrow highlights a feeling of envy and entrapment that so many of us feel when freedom such as that of a bird's contrasts with the more programmed and routine world we are tied to. The use of the word 'interval' in verse 4, throws light on a certain stagnation in the poets' life. The imagery is the clear winner here as it sets the theme and draws the reader into understanding what freedom the poet desires. I'm sure you love travelling, Marilyn. Your words have thrown open the readers senses as he envisions this vast open space of free movement and swirling that you have depicted. Excellent writing!! On a more selfish note, would it be possible to suggest wearing a sari in India since saris originated in India and are the national attire for women of the country :-) Hope to read more of your work very soon. Catch ya on the forum!! Take care, Duane.2005-05-14 10:07:59
The Secret LoveHelen C DOWNEYHi Helen, I sometimes tend to over-analyse and draw many interpretations from a poet's work. I've drawn two from yours. Firstly, this could be a lover you have in another country whom no one knows about (not even the lover you are officialy with) or a dream from the past where you remember a man you loved which did not materialise into a full-fledged relationship. I'll go with the latter. You've written this on a rhyme scheme and have employed a lot of imagery to give the reader a very real feel of what this relationship was all about and how much it meant to yourself and your lover. Aptly titled 'Secret Love', this poem takes us through the cafes, picnics, horse riding, kingdoms, etc ending on a note of a declaration of love but with a sense of closure. For some reason, the poet is unable to make the relationship last - this could be out of guilt or out of a sense of owing to the 'official' love. 'I awoke from the sound of the alarm' This is the line that makes me feel that this is about a literal dream. I noticed two typos in verses two and three - freedom and believe'. Keep posting and take care!! Duane.2005-05-14 09:52:20
Black SatinAudrey R DoneganHi Audrey, This was beautifully written and I won't recommend any changes, which leaves me with my analysis and appreciation of this piece. The sense of awe is strong throughout the piece and the person you are alluding to will be very flattered when you hand this to him. The person whose exhale you breathe, is perhaps a lover who has mesmerised you wit his charm. He has impressed you with his strength, mute magnificence and contentment. However, on further reading through this piece, the reader gets a feeling of this relationship being a little less complete the poet would like it to be ('i'd wait a thousand moons for your embrace) or from another standpoint, this line could be referring to your waiting for him to awaken from his slumber and embrace you. The latte is most likely because I'm sure he wouldn't be sharing your bed if the relationship wasn't whole!! Your choice of words is rich and the flow is a job well done. Of all the poems I have read of yours this would have to be the best. The title is apt and sets the environment for the reader to pursue his reading of your piece. Take care, Duane.2005-05-14 09:38:30
For AshleyAudrey R DoneganHi Audrey, This seems to be a poem for a loved one, encouraging him to fight through the struggles and difficulties that have befallen him. The imagery is vivid and stark and heightens the sense of determination you'd like this gentleman to have in his life. Written in 5 smooth flowing verses you have captured the struggles of his world 'rain, dismal, pollute, pestering, festering', and the courage and impetus of fighting (hold tight the reins, give flight to wings, rise to meet that right bright light). I'm sure this touched Ashley and inspired him. Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-14 08:00:52
The StreetLatorial D. FaisonHI Latorial, It seems you're in a political and social frame of mind this month (smile). I beleive there is another poem awaiting my read- Traces of War. Once again, you've used fine poetic skill, enriched your thoughts with stark imagery and spoken straight and in no unclear terms to the conscience of the reader. I'm glad you've posted these pieces as they serve as wake-up calls and reminders that world is a large one that grows beyond the small fake ones we selfish people live in. The street must never be under-estimated and this poem says just that. There's a lot going on out there that most of us simply take for granted be it drugs, illiteracy, smuggling, etc. I was wondering.....'it makes brothers get knee deep', might allude to the problems faced by african american people in the ghetto life on the streets of america or of the gangster or biker lifestyles. Whatever be the case, the poem speaks about a truth and the issues that confront some of us. The title is apt. The Street- it gives one a sense of it being a world all on its own...which is the case. Very well written, Latorial. Take Care, Duane.2005-05-14 07:46:03
Lost LoveDonna Carter SolesHi Donna, Another poem from you is always welcome and this one is exactly what I might be feeling even as I write this. Poetry is therapeutic in more ways than we realize and it is always consoling to know that there are so many others who feel exactly the way i do. You seem to enjoy employing rhyme in your pieces and this form also happens to be my favorite. It gives the pieces a musical touch. To begin with, you have captured the 'hurting' core of 'lost love' very aptly, giving this piece a sensitivity from start to finish. The pain you feel is evident through the 'shades of sorrow' that cover you. Like I mentioned in an earlier critique, your primary strength is that 'bare all emotional temperament' which helps readers relate very easily. To build on and enhance this strength, you might consider giving meter a second look. This will help your poem flow better and given that your poems are based on rhyme, meter and flow are especially important. I wouldn't say that the poem is completely off but a few tweaks here and there would benefit the piece. Suggestions: 1. remove 'only' from line 2 verse 1 2. remove 'all' from line 2 verse 2 3. remove 'so' from line 3 verse 3 4. 'not' from line 4 verse 3 5. in verse 4 you'll have to chop som syllables from line 2 6. remove 'just' from line 3 verse 4 7. you would need to cut down syllables from verse 5, line 4 I'm sure that will help. Thanks for the post Donna. And keep writing from the heart. Take care, Duane.2005-05-14 07:27:16
Chains of CommandLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, This would have to be your best poem yet. This one is for the masses and I am especially drawn to pieces that have a political edge. You've captured the anger and discontentment of thousands and delivered it with venom. You've touched the sensitive core of governance, injustice and corruption. The imagery is stark and the language, rich. 'One day it stood before me with a Bible in one hand and a white man's world in the other. I'm still not sure whether I've chosen either' My favorite verse, this heightens a sense of confusion in the mind of the reader, especially at a time when religion and politics have such a very fine line between them. With the current dispensation, this line faces an even greater threat of vanishing completely. The voice of the poet seems to align with the voices of many a common man. Everyone who is someone (politicians, preacher, philosophers), seem to have an opinion but hardly anyone acts (lack of justice to the 9/11 victims). I'm not American but the poem transcends borders and touches the core of what is happening the world over. What is most impressive is the perfect balance you have sruck between the rawness of these 'street' issues with the finer art of writing good poetry ('I call it crazy. I call it confusing, mixed up, messed up . . . a damned shame.') Excellent job done!!! Now before I sign off there is just one contention. 'White people are still doing the damndest things'. Maybe, this is a greater generalisation than warranted. After all, the administration also has people like Condoleeza Rice and (had) Colin Powell in office. But, yes, I do perfectly understand that the minority african american community does have a lot of issues that need to be addressed. Good Job, again!!!! Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-14 06:50:40
Around the BlockMell W. MorrisHi Mell, This piece was beautifully written. You've taken the entire poet community under your wing and given them one voice. While reading this piece, not only was I taken in by the theme, the rich language and the way the poem flowed but the kind of shelter it provided. It's not often that one comes across a poem written about poetry itself and I felt reassured as I was reminded of the fact that I write, not for the sake of it, but to enlighten, to be enlightened, to seek and to find and to feel good ('This art form dislocates and places me atop a mesa'). I was reassured that this under-estimated world (the world of poetry) I inhabit is not just some strange space inhabited by strange and aloof people, but a world that is infact my very heart and soul. You addressed the issue of 'writers block' as well and that, for most people can be the most trying and testing period when all seems lost. The use of 'muse mutiny' was stark. YES, 'we exist for poetry... ...and poetry exists.' As always, a gem of a piece Mell. It was a pleasure. Hope all is well with you. Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-14 04:55:05
Tiny TragedyNancy Ann HemsworthHI Nancy, The last time I saw a moth, it was in a cupboard shelf chewing on one of my t-shirts. Nonetheless, these creatures of the night are no less important in Nature's wide variety of gems and bring their own charm to Her store. They will be thrilled to learn of a place in your poetic creation and your mentioning of the 'tiny' tragedies that befall them. The poem is replete with vivid imagery of the moths flitting about the porch and a sense of movement and I'm not sure if it was intended but the incorporation of 'ite' sounds in your rhyme scheme seem to enhance or depict this flitting movement. If I have a suggestion to make at this time, I would change the title of the piece. I do understand that it is about their final tragedies but a title that would talk more about moths or their flitting movements. Take Care, Duane. 2005-05-13 07:46:50
Ripples of LoveHelen C DOWNEYHi Helen, Welcome to the Poeticlink. This was a poem that literally 'rippled' with the undertones of a failed hope in love and the after effect that takes its shape in the form of desire and regret. The title "Ripples of Love", is apt, as ripples denote a sense of a chain of movement. It starts at a point and progresses further down the line. The ripples referred to in your piece would have to denote the start of a relationship and its consequent fall out causing an after-shock of regret and constant longing for the past which upsets the overall tranquility in the poet's life. 'The tides have summoned me Changes of the heart A scaling of flesh Masquerade before me As it quickens' These first five lines set the stage for the poem in telling us more about this relationship and your mental disposition at the time. 'Changes of the heart.....as it quickens'..... reference to the racing heartbeat and your anxiety at this time of crises. A last tear is shed A love that could not survive No children to bear Nor ripening of age In these next four lines, we see a picture of hopelessness...a line has been drawn and the sense is final. The 'grow old with me' charm of love has failed. It had to be this way But there will always be Yeaterday's cresent moons Thrust deep within us And when you see a ripple Upon that lake of ours That's my tear To remind you of our love. "It had to be this way", the poet goes onto say, telling us readers that this was a doomed relationship to begin with. However, we also learn that the poet is somehow still hanging on to the memories and 'yesterday's crescent moons'. The ending was beautiful with it's sense of nostalgia and sensitivity "upon that lake of ours, that's my tear...." Poet, this poem gives us a lot to know about your state of mind, thoughts and feelings abou this particular relationship in your life and from what I gather, you are still holding on to the past because you believed in it and it disappointed you. This was a very direct poem with no deep symbolism or hidden meaning (you told it like it is) and it flowed well in free verse from start to finsih. Reader's might be curious to know what caused this break-up but that is purely your discretion as you are the poet. Take Care, Duane.2005-04-15 22:51:31
HalfLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, I haven't read a Haiku piece from you before so this does come as a pleasant surprise. The 'Haiku' form of poetry has always been one of the more challenging forms but a good three lined haiku often says more than a long narrative poem. The poem 'Half' talks of a longing for what was and a regret for what is. The lover who promised the moon has left his love with a dear drop in her hand.....she is left with that longing for the moon. I visulaise a girl in her garden making merry with the rose bushes only to be cast out into a desert land where the heat splits her spirits into halves. The title gives the readers a sense of what is to come in the piece...an indication that all is not 'whole' any longer. The piece is replete with sentiment and brings out the mood behind the author efficiently.....and that is the power of haiku- to say so much in such less space. The title is appropriate Take care, Duane.2005-04-09 11:23:34
Whirlwinds and TornadosKenneth R. PattonHi Kenneth, I especially identified with this piece and it's sense of adventure, risk-taking and excitement. Aptly titled 'Whirlwinds and Tornados', this piece is at once gusty, taking the reader on a wind-blown ride through the poet's thoughts and emotions as he pens this down. There is no room for middle-ground here. 'The window is either open or closed, The door locked or off its hinges'. 'I just take my chances' - the poet is obviously one who acts out of instinct, at the spot of the moment. And as the last line ('still, it beats the alternative')puts it, there is nothing better than taking one's chances in life than sitting by and watching the world go by. The use of whirlwinds and tornados, I feel, was a good way of projecting what you wish to here. Both have been known to cause fury and to build excitement (tornado watcher clubs). They arouse a sense of anxiety and put one at the risk of being destroyed. It's like a scene out of a tornado weather broadcast replete with poetic symbolism. The use of the word 'unfortunate' in the first verse does grab my attention since it contrasts with 'still, it beats the alternative). I sense the use of a hint of sarcasm in the use of the word 'unfortunate', directed at those who do not take their chances and sit by and wait. Kenneth, this was a well-written piece, with a smooth flow, vivid imagery and audio (the whistling of the tornados and whirlwinds). Like all good poetry, there is a deepr meaning here and you choice of setting has done well to let us know more about you....and ourselves. Are we taking our chances?? This is a question a lot of us will be asking ourselves. Take care, Duane. 2005-03-19 00:03:16
HOPEEdwin John KrizekHi Edwin, There probably won't be a single person who will not be able to identify with the words that make this poem realistic and stark in every sense. The throes of depression have hounded mankind every step of the way from kings and queens to paupers and slaves, yet if depression and sorrow hadn't a challenger, life on earth would be doomed to an audience that is chained to the strains of 'Despair's seductive song'. However, as your poem rightly points out, it is the voice of that 'beautiful' challenger whose own call devours the hollow beings of the 'wraiths who find only sorrow in the world'. The other voice is all powerful and has lifted mankind up from it's lowest depths be it war, personal heartbreak, famine or even profession. The other voice rises with the sun and sends us 'running headlong into day', as you so aptly put it. It is not surprising then that you should name this well-written and hope- giving piece, 'Hope'. The poem flows well from beginning to end and the contrast between the darkness and light ('happy to see the sun again/this empty enchantress), innocence of hope and the seductive power of sorrow (despair's seductive song), is vivid. I would also like to comment on the use of 'despair's seductive song'. I find this an interesting way to make one of aware of the fact as to how easy it is for most people to fall into the arms of depression. Well written. This was therapeutic too. Hope to read more of your work in the future :-) Take Care, Duane.2005-03-16 08:06:14
Through The PainNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, This was a compelling piece, rich in sentiment and replete with vivid imagery that transports the reader through phases of hope and aspirations and leads them to the glaring realities of disappointment, regret and failure as faced by the little girl behind the window pane. Capping each verse with 'nose pressed against the window pane', enhances the delivery of a sense of stagnation and longing and it is interesting to note that even in the older stages (when the rain feels colder) of her life, the poet does in essence, display a childishness she never lost (perhaps out of failed pursuit of her childhood dreams). Rain fall and grey skies provide an appropriate backdrop for the mood the poet wishes to create. 'Now a days rain is colder I am older nose pressed, against the windowpane.' I liked the rhyme scheme inter-twined into this (spent/wonderment, splat/sat, that/pat, colder/older) However, what would have to be one of the finest touches to this piece is the title as it sets the tone of the poem and gives the reader a larger glimpse into the mindset behind the piece. "Through the pain"- in itself infers a sense of grief and gives us a better understanding of the melancholia or disappointment behind this offering. It was also a clever spin on 'pane'. Looking forward to reading more of your work Nancy!! Hope all is well with you. Take Care, Duane.2005-03-14 08:22:32
Through The PainNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, This was a compelling piece, rich in sentiment and replete with vivid imagery that transports the reader through phases of hope and aspirations and leads them to the glaring realities of disappointment, regret and failure as faced by the little girl behind the window pane. Capping each verse with 'nose pressed against the window pane', enhances the delivery of a sense of stagnation and longing and it is interesting to note that even in the older stages (when the rain feels colder) of her life, the poet does in essence, display a childishness she never lost (perhaps out of failed pursuit of her childhood dreams). Rain fall and grey skies provide an appropriate backdrop for the mood the poet wishes to create. 'Now a days rain is colder I am older nose pressed, against the windowpane.' I liked the rhyme scheme inter-twined into this (spent/wonderment, splat/sat, that/pat, colder/older) However, what would have to be one of the finest touches to this piece is the title as it sets the tone of the poem and gives the reader a larger glimpse into the mindset behind the piece. "Through the pain"- in itself infers a sense of grief and gives us a better understanding of the melancholia or disappointment behind this offering. It was also a clever spin on 'pane'. Looking forward to reading more of your work Nancy!! Hope all is well with you. Take Care, Duane.2005-03-14 08:22:07
Your Pain In My HeartLennard J. McIntoshHi Lennard, This was a deeply evocative and emotionally driven piece that addresses a very important moment in a couple's life - one that remains etched on the branches of a family tree forever. And while women hang on to the pains of childbirth as a moment they will cherish forever, I envision you feeling a deep longing to share this excruciating pain with her and relieve her of the torment. Divided into three verses that flowed smoothly, one gets a sense of writhing and helplessness that eventually leads you into a world where in a dream, you somehow manage to share the birth pangs. This would have to be one of the more emotional and private postings this month and you've done a very fine job at bringing out the sentiment. Aptly, titled 'Your Pain In My Heart', this poem will go along way at stirring both male and female readers. Deeply touching Lennard. As a minor suggestion, the flow might be further enhanced by replacing 'serene' with 'serenity'. It would rhyme better with 'enmity'. Take care, Duane. 2005-03-13 08:19:40
Alignment CuesLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, Once again, a very well-written piece that is at once misleading in its outward simplicity and engaging in its inherent depth :-) I believe this is what sets poets and regular book-writers apart. Poets are able to say so much under the greates of constraints and still add a touch of music to their works. What drew me to this piece besides it deep under-current was the use of rhyme that makes this write very lyrical (go/know; crazy/safety----nice slant rhyme; days/afraid) and the well-constructed flow. The poem skates, making for a very comfortable read. 'They call it crazy so don't go bringing any guns home for safety or sanity because some days I'm not afraid to die' The above verse would have to be my favorite. I see a young lady (and her inner child) throwing her arms up in the air with an air of refusal to go through the pressure of protecting herself. Do I see a 'live and let live' hint here. Take care, Duane. 2005-03-13 00:15:06
An Escher Lifehello haveanicedayHi Barbara, I'll begin with the punctuation by using 'me' as an instance. When I began writing seriously I punctuated everything (commas, full-stops, exclamations, colons (you name it) flew about the entire piece and I realized that I had begun thinking too much about the punctuation and over-punctuating my creations. While this piece doesn't seem to have succumbed to the pressure of punctuations like my early pieces did, I would personally suggest leaving your poems open so that the thought of punctuating them doesn't arise in the future. What I did was to leave out punctuation all together and let the inherent meter in the poem do the talking. Mostly, it worked and sometimes it didn't but the thought of not punctuating pieces left me quite at ease. You could try it too. Now coming to the poem. The title you have given this piece that delves deep into the dark depths of the human psyche is apt. Escher painted in black and white (reflecting fact with nothing to hide) and was always known for his graphic style. This poem does no less in its attempt to take us to a very deep dark place and is rich in its philosophical undertones. The imagery is vivid. It's an account of what most humans go through such as the myriad choices we confront in our daily lives, the fear of choosing, and those who do 'leap to grasp the closest rock of shores' but are unaware that 'the shifting sand belies again new tremors in the land'-------referring to the adventurous and risk-takers. This poem wastes no time in making its readers think. Well done! With regards to the rhyme,I would suggest sorting out verse 1 especially. How about if it read - When temper's lost its steely fight, and sadness' yet to sink its bite, only a strobe-lit moment in between -------(you might have to change this word to rhyme it wings or change) what was, and changes in the wings Nevertheless, this made for a very enduring read and I look forward to reading more of your work. Take Care, Duane. 2005-03-12 23:45:42
The VowLatorial D. FaisonHi Latorial, Once again, the power of poetry (to say so much in just a handful of words) has been re-inforced. This poem speaks powerfuly and soulfuly about the curse of separation and the difficulty of striking a peaceful and balanced compromise between physical distance and spiritual closeness. There is a longing for the poet to have the love of her life with her in person even though she is confident that he is with her in her heart. The emotion is a difficult one to comprehend for the power of sight and touch are as powerful and do much to secure a person. Distance in that sense, is vague. This conflict is well brought out when the poet says 'absent from my flesh, alive in my spirit' and it is this line (i feel) that holds the poem's central theme together. There is a lot going on here Latorial and the piece was very well-written as the reader is immediately drawn in to explore the depths of the poet's emotions. I especially liked the line 'the common denominator of twice my likeness'. Aptly titled 'the vow', the poem ends with the poet realizing that mere longing builds no physical and it is the spirit which holds this absence together 'for better or for verse'. I could also analyse this from another point, with special reference to the last line. The spreading of the wings could also mean that the poet has had enough and seeks to move on, sadly remembering and leaving behind the vow. But this might not be likely. Very well written Latorial. Take care, Duane. 2005-03-12 06:06:39
Sweet, Sweet MusicMell W. MorrisHi Mell! Of all the poems I have read and critiqued these past few days, this would have to be the best. Pregnant with optimum use of imagination, the poem immediately draws us into the timeless world of ‘Sweet, sweet music’. I was particularly impressed with the broad platform our heroine (music) is given in the poem, which talks about her origins, her influences, her divinity. I also noticed a pattern here which seems to work from a more present day music (everyone taps a toe to a tune he knows and has a go at the piano), through an image of a very early instrument (‘made of stones, with the look and tone of a xylophone’) (ancient man), to the grant by God, of the capacity to play and make music. I particularly loved the use of imagery, which is effectively delivered throughout the poem. The image of the ancient man looking to a fan of sky (nice choice of words) is especially interesting. One cannot of course ignore the rhyme scheme on which this poem carries forward with music of its own (plea – delivery, stone – xylophone, chores – shores, etc) This was a fantastic piece of writing. I would leave this the way it is. Here’s to music!! Duane. 2003-09-21 06:30:54
God is in His GloryClaire H. CurrierHi Claire! This was a beautifuly written piece, right up there, with the likes of Red Apple Farm. This spiritually charged poem, encapsulates Nature as a representation of God's magnificence. The poem moves from the first light of day to the onset of evening, giving praise to God's artistry, which tends to have a soothing and relaxing effect on the mind of the poet. Their is perhaps no greater means of proclaiming the glory of God than through the power of song and the poet, with a dash of humor, musters up a choir of animals comprising the birds, a moose, a coyote and a duck, each with their distinctive names. This also symbolises the impact of God's all - controlling power. Yes, even the creatures bow before him. The poem ends with the fall of dusk and the play of angels. The Lord is pleased with his believers and smiles down upon the faithful gathering. The poem had a very good flow and the imagery was effective in creating for the reader, a glimpse into this 'exceptionally fine day' even as 'God is in His Glory'. Good job and thanks for this spiritually motivating piece. I wouldn't have a suggestion for this as it is best left the way it is. Again, this was well written. Duane. 2003-09-21 06:25:21
Crucible Of The TowersPaul R LindenmeyerHi Paul! 9/11 was not a day warmed by presidents, prime ministers, kings, queens or even rock stars and hollywood actors. It belonged to a class of people we often take for granted - the unsung heroes of everyday living. They don't appear on t.v looking stately and beautiful, they can't be heard on grammy award winning records.......they are among us waiting for the call of duty. The firemen, policemen and the many others who volunteered to risk their lives in the interest of others shone even brighter than the sun. This imaginatively crafted poem pays tribute not only to those who answered the call of humanity on that fateful day but to all those who serve us on a daily basis by laying their lives on the altar of self - sacrifice. The poem interestingly starts from the bottom up and symbolises a flight of steps in keeping with the journey our heroes made from the bottom to the upper floors of the towers.In fact, on reading this poem, the tempo does give us the effect of ascending. Every step up, brings forth the feelings of anticipation, gloom, murk and devastation, eventually resulting in the radio shouting back with fear, at the leader of the squad. "Tower one is collapsing!!". Death. But wait, there is another flight of steps to come and I'm glad the poet added this. This next flight could symbolise an ascension to heaven but it is also used by the poet as his platform to express his gratefulness to the countless heroes who we hardly ever hear of. Let this next flight of steps also serve as encouragement to all of us who read this fine work, to also climb these very stairs in the name of brotherhood. Wouldn't the world be a better place - a place of "No greater love.....", Personified, In abundance....,,, Spilling over. I'm glad the lines were left open since punctuation at their ends would have halted our heroes rush to their call of sacrifice. This was a very creative piece of work that does justice to its theme. The piece is replete with imagery and audio, thus helping us to gauge the weight of the situation. I have no suggestions as this is compact and well-delivered. Good job!! Duane. 2003-09-21 02:28:21
FALLINGMark D. KilburnHi! This was a spiritually tempered poem with an emotional force that absorbs the reader instantly. The poem is centered around 'faith' through the trials and temptations of life - depicted or symbolised here, by the references to the transition of a dreary Fall into an even more dreary Winter. The winter referred to here would symbolize the darker corners of what life is about and the poet's message to counter such darkness is one of faith, hope and understanding. Summer is at hand, he says, and uses the cheer and vitality of summer to symbolise the promised return of Christ. The poet has therefore used the seasons to depict sorrow and the promise of a better life. I would like to probe the poet's mind and in doing so I find that this poem is a reflection of personal experience of a life brimming with tribulation. When the poet comments in the first verse 'easy to see why people like me always fall in love with the fall', one might be able to conclude that a life of hardship is part and parcel of his existence. Imagery has been used effectively in the poem, giving us a visual effect to add to the feelings he wishes to express. From the 'serious forest, elk with bugle' to the 'wind sounds like an ocean to me'; from the 'winter's white pride' to the 'brief icile days', the poet paints the picture of a dreary wilderness at the center of his heart. However, one cannot and must not miss out on the offerings of hope in the poem. And even though the piece is present with overwhelming sorrow, it is this hope that is the central focus of the piece. There are three references - '....waiting for Jesus to come', 'faith is believing in Him', '..a warm spring is coming again', that instill hope in those who find themselves at the core of wintery lifes. I like the use of rhyme in this. It never seemed forced and that's because the poem flowed remarkably like a song. This was good work. Duane. 2003-09-19 23:29:14
Translationcarole j mennieHi Carole! I'm thrilled to have found this in the morning when the touch of nature is always welcome and at its blossoming best. I haven't had the privelege of experiencing a garden of my own, here in Calcutta, but this is something I will be coming back ot time and time again. It does such a good job at re -creating the most beautiful of gardens and to add to that, this was a garden sowed on the seeds of love (by your mother). This is a festival of color and perfumes and you maintain this rich use of imagery consistently throughout the poem. I wouldn't be able to segregate a favorite image from this rich store, but the image of your mother stroking 'petaled faces' does leave a larger mark. Not only is it good use of imagery; it picturises this loving and caring person (your mother), whom the poem is centered on. It was also interesting that you mentioned a 'faint scent of her'. It symbolises her immortal memory lingering in the this heavenly sanctuary, but more importantly, in your heart. The poem's ending would have to be the more pwerful part of this piece and reflects, in general, the hope and continuity that mothers instill in us. So, from the multi-colored tulips to the scarlet roses, from the pale pink granite to the yellow pollen, I now exit the green - leafed sanctuary. Do leave the gate open. Beautiful job Carole. Of course, I will not leave without a suggestion. You have mentioned the birds (vital to any garden) but to give the piece audio, you could make a reference to their chirping or singing. it would add to the celebration of this garden of love. Just a suggesdtion, though. Duane. 2003-09-19 22:21:33
Splendor in the Pages of a BookJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne! Another pleasurable read. This smooth flowing poem of three verses, carried on a a soft and gentle rhyme scheme, speaks of your appreciation for what, in the beginning, seems to be the simplest of gifts but in fact turns out to be the key - holder to our quest for the unknown ( as far as language is concerned). Aptly titled, 'Splendor In The Pages Of A Book', speaks of the power of language, the resilience of words, and traces all this to the 'far-reaching spans' of a dictionary. Words, indeed' hold us together ('terms can break or make one whole'). But words would be rendered ineffective if they cannot be understood. I particularly liked the last line of the first verse. I pictured a young girl, confined to her warm cocoon of innocence, suddenly in ownership of a key to further her horizons, and the look of engagement and curiosity on her face. It is amazing what books (in this case, a dictionary) are capable of in terms of shuttling us through the unknown. Who needs rockets to quench our thirsts for discovery when we have books....and aren't they inexpensive? This was a very absorbing poem. It was especially satisfying to read a tribute to words - our oxygen. Joanne, as far as the rewrite of the golden leaf frog is concerned, I would have to say that I preferred the original take. I felt there was too much emphasis on the 'frog prince' in the - re write. It was good to have the 'frog-prince' as a passing reference. Duane. 2003-09-19 21:54:22
The Lethal LetterErzahl Leo M. EspinoHi, This would have to be one of the more imaginative versions of the poems written, post 9/11 with all due respect for the victims and their families who suffered on that shameful day. The poem is broken into two interesting folds- one- a letter written by one of the terrorists ( mr. Muster Monsters) and a reply to this Lethal letter, by the poet. The choice for ‘Lethal Letter’ as the title, is clearly evident. The author of this ‘Lethal Letter’ – Mr. Muster Monsters- brings forth a message of deliberate (‘deliberately yours’) gloom and doom. The poet’s chosen name for this character is apt and imaginative – a gatherer or herder of monsters. Yes, it clearly reflects the likes of Osama Bin Laden who stand like dark shepherds, gathering their flocks of evil - doers. The use of ‘cloned brothers’ was also interesting. There is no difference in the mindset and line of thought taken by a terrorist. The use of ‘fierce creature acting human’ truly depicts the characteristics of such individuals. The poet’s reply is brief and swift. He will not make a tall declaration of challenge and furor but leave it to the hourglass of God which slowly but surely delivers these ‘creatures’ to the greatest of judgements. I see two very strong plains in this poem. We get a good description of the terrorists and the way they think and of course the poet’s main theme – faith. I would like to make a suggestion though. I was wondering if we could not refer to the planes as eagles. I understand the reason behind this choice (swiftness, pin point accuracy) but numerous poems on 9/11 have referred to them as eagles and I’m sure we could find an alternative. If I’m not mistaken, eagles are also America’s national bird emblem. This is just a suggestion though. Nevertheless, a very fine poem that grips the reader with its imaginative format. Duane. 2003-09-18 09:53:38
The Bandit Queenmarilyn terwillegerHi, I never really knew even a bit about Belle Starr but did hear of her name in one of Bob Dylan’s songs – Tombstone Blues. This will therefore serve not only as an offering of expression but an education as well. Marilyn, while the flow works well for me, I’d also like to make two suggestions you might consider. I was wondering if you could reorder the last lines of each verse to fall into a particular order that might enhance the progress of the poem. We could start of with the girl, move on to the wife, mother, bandit and outlaw. I guess its just an interchange of the ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ lines. Then, I would suggest strengthening the rhyme - scheme in some of the verses so that words meant to rhyme with ‘starr’ do not have to be mispronounced. For example, ‘popular’ and ‘starr’ don’t gel very well in this rhyme scheme. Similarly, ‘stellar’ and ‘starr’ and ‘mortar’ and ‘starr’. Thanks for this account on the life and times of Belle Starr and believe me, I’d rather read history from a poem rather than a dusty history text book. Point of interest: Did she name herself Belle Starr or was it a name given to her and why this particular name………sure would like to know!! Thanks. Keep writing!! Duane. 2003-09-18 09:50:59
A Glorious DayCallie CothrenHi, Even though this poem spins an entire rotation, from darkness to light and back again to darkness, it would be a mistake to pin the poem’s central theme on the changing phases of time. Hence, it wasn’t the poet’s intention to depict (through words) an appearing and a disappearing sun, but the PROMISE OF A NEW DAY. The poem might even symbolize hope and continuity. The poem flowed well from start to finish and the end, in particular, wasn’t something that could be cowed down by the full- stop sticking behind it. Instead, it did give the reader a sense of more to come ( a new sunrise). I would even go to the extent of asking you to leave this sentence open in keeping with the message of the poem. The depiction, by way of imagery, was simple yet effective in conveying the smooth transition. Heavy imagery might very well have made the read cumbersome, no matter how brilliant. I thought of the story of Christ for amoment. Was this also an angle through which you chose to write the poem. I guess not because Christ left the world, not with darkness, but light and of course – a promise to return. Good job! 2003-09-17 09:25:08
Love is a TrapezeDenise A McCroskeyHi Denise, Of all the ‘love’ poems I have read on the link, yours will have to stand out as a special favorite. The sentiment of love is very well expressed and concise. You have captured two very important aspects of love – ‘space, freedom, liberty, movement’ and the ‘safety net, protection, watchfulness, concern, guidance. Love after all is a balance, a harmony. ‘free yet bonded, together yet separate, one yet two’. Very well written. I wouldn’t change anything in this. The flow worked well and carried the poem smoothly from start to finish, gradually unfolding the characteristics of love. I look forward to reading more. Duane. 2003-09-13 23:21:50
UntitledClaire H. CurrierHi Claire! For a first attempt at Haikus, I must commend you for the effort. When I first tried writing a haiku, I ended up pinching my skin. You have done well to highlight the theme of your poem, which is one of transiting the days of youth to the days of old age. The haiku, in its small space, speaks of the fact that age can wear down the skin and anything else that is external but loses its influence in matters of the heart and mind. As you correctly put it ‘peace, love, joy remains’. Nice work, Claire. Keep attempting this form of poetry. It is a real challenge and fun (sometimes). Perhaps the next time, you could try one with color( red apples) or movement (bird’s flight). I still remember your poem ‘red apple farm’. Duane. 2003-09-13 23:18:55
The Complications of LifeErica L. BadgerHi Erica! Rhyme has always been my favorite form of poetry and it is the most preferred way of transforming poems into songs- (have you attempted putting a tune to this?) This one speaks of the complications of life – the new looking glasses one wears through the course of growing up. I believe you are a very young person approaching the stages of adulthood – a person now coming to terms with jealousies, greed and anger, hatred, revenge and blame. The poem accounts for this realization- life is not a playground (I wish it was) and the darker realities seem to surface as we naturally move away from the gardens of innocence. Life seems confusing. It would. The unexpected confronts the soft heart with confusion. Where is all the love and calm of childhood, we ask ourselves? The advent of confusion is a reality. We have grown up. The soul has been gnawed into. The emotions you wish to bring forth through the poem, do speak loud and clear. Well done on that front. As you continue to write and grow as a poet, you might want to look at a few more things. Since this is rhyme, and assuming you enjoy this form as much as I do, we must always make sure that our rhymes don’t seem too forced (and this piece of advice is for myself as well!!). (soul-hole: free-see, etc). It is obviously unavoidable sometimes but we are always at liberty to balance the forced rhyme with slant rhyme. For example –‘soul – road , enough – shove, etc. This was nice, Erica. You have expressed your emotions vividly and conveyed to us, your feelings in keeping with your chosen theme. That is most important in poetry writing. I hope to read more in the future. Duane. 2003-09-13 23:17:41
Our Bullets are BiggerKaren RaganHi Karen! There is so much to talk about after reading this poem…..I’m not sure my critique would ever end. However, I will begin by saying that you have written this beautifully and have captured the emotions and sentiments perfectly. I have read your poems before and this will have to be the best. I will offer my suggestions at the end. Three aspects stood out- innocence, pride (in America) and of course, the way this was written (replete with imagery and emotional depth). The poem does well to capture the innocence of a child who is unaware of the trials of war. The image of the dab of peanut butter, the purple substitute for red, his eagerness to play and the absence of blood forms a picture of lamb like innocence. Then, there is the pride in America. The poet believes that America is strong enough to win a war by brushing aside the methods used by its enemies (faith in God) Of all the 9/11 poems I have read, this will have to stand out because it takes into account so much in a very compact manner. I felt the strength here, was the way it flow. The flow actually does well to carry this outpouring through. Imagination and imagery were also used remarkably (‘the stick men looked like fat ants……………) I could go on and on about the sentiments expressed in the piece but I’ll come to my suggestions. You will admit that a lot of poems have been written on 9/11, right? I feel (and this includes myself) that we need to extend our imagination further when describing the towers. ‘tall buildings of strong steel’, I felt was stale. These weren’t tall, these were very tall……let’s replace tall and definitely ‘cold steel’ as this has been over used time and time again (by myself as well)…….let’s replace steel. Then, ‘knowing my bullet of faith travels straight to the heart of God, exploding’. Let’s not aim our bullets of faith at the heart of God….let’s have God fire his gun of faith so that the bullets explode in our hearts…..we could reverse the gun pointing here. Those were just a few suggestions and I will say this again- this would have to be one of the better poems and it still leaves me thinking. Excellent job, Karen!! Duane. 2003-09-13 21:48:48
AllegianceAndrea M. TaylorHi Andrea! A soaring eagle…….absolutely befitting. An eagle would symbolize strength as well as grace. It represents victory, determination and resolve. Given its huge wing span you liken its flight with an embrace of the sky (which, over here, represents freedom). And Sept 11th, with all its unacceptable, unforgivable misery, did play out into a new found impetus of determination and resolve to conquer the perpetrators of the crime, not only immediate such as Bin Laden, but also the many other beasts who plot to kill and terrorise, the world over. The victims souls’ steered this new dawn of delivering our world into the hands of peace and they together make up that eagle, that promise to prevail good over evil. Let us not forget the families of the immediate victims- they are victims too. They make up they represent the eagle you speak of and every peace loving individual around the world who not only condemns terror, but fights it by living as an example. Peace, Duane. 2003-09-13 10:14:46
When Small Frogs Seem to DisappearJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne! I have never truly been able to appreciate the beauty of nature through poetry and all my poems have always been confined to love, politics and religion. Thankfully, poets like me are able to see this appreciation through the poems of others. So it isn’t a rainbow, a waterfall or a stretch of desert sand but a golden – green tree frog. It’s amazing how, even the smaller and taken for granted creations of nature add to its diversity and of course, beauty. Pigs are up there in my top five list of favorite animals and we still call them pigs. Yet, try finding an animal with a cute baby face and a plump body with the cutest tail and we end up finding nothing but pigs. They are unique and so are frogs. I love the use of very simple language in this poem. But for me the magnets in this one are the first couple of lines in verse 4. It gives the piece humor and weaves the instance of the ‘frog prince’ into the flow very well. As always, a job well done Joanne! Coming from a concrete jungle like Calcutta, I do need to be reminded of these things. I sometimes forget Nature even exists! Take care, Duane. 2003-09-13 04:00:58
So NiceJudy A BadgerHi Judy, This was a simple yet upbeat and merry poem about the good side of life. I especially loved the last two lines of each verse. They seemed to cap it all. It is always in the interest of one’s poetic ambition to break away from the shackles of forced rhyme but even though you use rhyme such as ‘tears’ with ‘years’, the rhyme never seems too forced. The flow, which in my opinion is good and keeping with the spirited tempo of the poem, smoothens out any hint of forced rhyme. It is amazing how poetry, however simple or complex goes such a long way in conveying feelings. This poem would definitely be one of the more simpler attempts at writing poetry but the words with their emotions speak to the reader and convey to the reader, the poet’s appreciation for life with the one she loves. The poem is resplendent with color (multi hued rainbows), smiles, jubilation (harmony shouts), even tears (which over here seem to be fitted in with the parcel of what life brings – calm acceptance of a more serious side to life). Of course, we can’t miss out on the ‘second’ person in the poem which I would assume to be the poet’s lover, partner, spouse…….he seems to be a central reason for the poet’s celebration of life (sweet surrender, me with you) Continue expressing yourself and let the feelings flow. Looking forward to reading more. Peace, Duane Jackson. 2003-09-13 03:59:15
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