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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Mandie J Overocker has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 27 to 76 out of 76 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Mandie J Overocker||Critique Date|
|uNseen||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This reminds me so much of me mid-night smokes. Those times when i awaken in the middle of the night and go out on the porch to have a smoke. You have penned this image perfectly. Unless of course i am just reading my own interpretation into this. Who knows, perhaps there is more to it than that...but i'd like to think it is about that quick smoke that no one sees...Well done! Mandie||2011-02-06 17:09:26|
|Snow Grains Will Change||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This is very poetic indeed. I don't know if it is just way beyond my ability to interpret, or i am tired...I love the images you have created with your pen, but i feel i am missing something more than the imagery you create. I like the last stanza a lot. and the anticipation foretold by the the image of a dog wagging its tail...but i am not sure i get the title...that said i still like this a lot. Mandie||2011-02-06 17:06:36|
|Here - After||Mary J Coffman||Mary, I love this! This is incredible poetry ~ your words glide smoothly down the page. the images you paint with your pen press into my imagination and i am carried away into the here-after. absolutely exquisite. I am at a loss for words, for you have written this so beautifully. I don't even know where to begin. I wouldn't change a thing! I love how it starts with a concrete image of pizza crust and transforms into more dream-like images like soft clouds of illusion. Splendid! Thank you for posting this. Mandie||2011-02-05 14:31:28|
|Folded Time||Lora Silvey||Lora, Incredible~such vivid images and brilliant poetry. This needs no rhyme for it flows perfectly. Folded Time is such a creative title - apt for this piece. As a photo kept in a wallet has been folded time and time again, memories fold in our minds and it seems we come to know things again and again. I like how you start out describing Nature, and slowly transition and yet don't to describing people. It is so subtle it sneaks up on you at the end in the last verse when you change to first person and makes me want to read it again and again. Great job! Mandie||2010-11-28 22:13:57|
|Monarchs Are Worth Saving||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, This is an amazing, beautiful piece on the Monarch butterfly. I journeyed with her through your words, I flew on the currents and grew tired alongside her. Now, I as a poet am always looking, or better, reading in to things and seeking the double meaning of the written word. I can't help but wonder if your poem here is truly just about the Monarch butterfly or something else altogether. Your title leads me to believe that it could be either, Monarchs could refer to women who head a family. Your poem then takes on an interesting spin as everything becomes a metaphor. if this was your intent then you have truly written a magnificent piece...either way it is excellent. Cheers~ Mandie||2010-11-28 21:57:03|
|Shattered Orange||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Another poignant piece about the process of remembering and letting go of those who have gone before us. Your subtle rhyme pulls the reader through the verses and an uplifting note of hope to end. Grief and sorrow are, for me, such insurmountable feelings, but you have done well expressing them here and giving voice to these turbulent and longing emotions. Well done! Mandie||2010-11-28 21:50:28|
|Thankful Days Walk||DeniMari Z.||Deni, A delightful, refreshing piece. It is good to see your post again. This flows well and the images speak clearly. "...as the colors mesmerize the holidays before our eyes." Thank you for this line, it gives me a way to express a boding anxiety that i often feel in the autumn/fall. Holidays are not always easy, yet I love autumn. your line, for me, describes how something wonderful can send me into a tale spin of something not so great. But yet, still within "damned good reasons of life remain." Thanks for this write! Mandie||2010-11-28 21:45:39|
|Dancing Days||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, This is a gem. I love the images you have penned here and there seems to be a subtle rhyme here and there - just enough to whet the appetite. I think your title is perfect...how true when we get caught up in the 'dance' that we sometimes don't realize what is really happening around us. And Earth, our life on it, can certainly be entrancing at times...A delightful read - well done! Mandie||2010-11-21 09:53:40|
|The Sea Speaks||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Brilliant! your rhymes are perfect and the meter too. I love how the words and phrases in this just roll off the tongue just as waves roll onto the beach. I like how you tie in the end rhymes in the last stanza in the middle of the line (and laud the 'nave' where first I knelt). Now, I know you have mentioned before that you struggle to write free verse, but may I say, not to worry, not to worry for you write brilliant structured rhymes. :)The images portrayed with the flair of your pen are wonderfully vivid - I want to reach out and touch the sea, hear the sea, be swept away by the sea. Thanks for an enjoyable read. Mandie||2010-11-16 16:03:27|
|Gravestones||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, How can one critique such a heart wrenching rendering such as you have offered us here. I want to reach out and offer you comfort in your sorrow during this time as you remember your loss. As i type this now I see a line above "rising up is difficult" and can't help but think that this line has such a double meaning in your poem. Yes after such a difficult loss, rising up is difficult, (not to mention rising up from creaking knees). I hope you will find, or perhaps you already have, that peace and solace comes in waves and there will be times that the tears seem to flood your eyes, and other times when you wonder when last you cried. Though i have not lost a husband, I have experienced significant loss and have had to come to terms with the loss of my own children at a very young age. At the time I was unable to even handle 'knowing' the loss, as i got older i have had to deal with remembering their story and ultimately grieving their loss. What you have written here seems to have truly come from your soul, where that healing is growing and slowly mending your grief. Your husband is with you in spirit - you clearly seem to know this as you hear his voice on the winds. Hold fast to the love you two shared and know that some time you will meet in spirit once again. As far as technicality - the only thing i want to say is your words deliver stunning images that are as real as the feelings held within your writing. Well done! Mandie||2010-11-10 23:01:20|
|Pachyderms & Jackasses||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, Well said! It is such a sad state that we live in today and the 'wolves' in washington and elsewhere in the nation certainly don't seem to mind those of us whom they represent and supposedly serve. Your metaphor is apt and sadly your poem a portrait of America as it stands today. Thank you for bravely posting this brilliant piece. Mandie||2010-11-10 22:40:45|
|It must be time to write a poem||Mark Andrew Hislop||Mark... This is great. Fun light and yet truly well spoken about the drive to write poetry. I love your line '...The post-restructure peace I seek is writing little dirges.' And you penultimate stanza certainly is in a word - penultimate! :) How creative and playful! Your use of rhyme is perfectly placed and the meter flows well as one is whisked along the lines. And indeed - 'it must be time to write a poem!' Love it! Mandie||2010-11-08 16:54:58|
|Mortal Soul||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, I think this is brilliant! you employ such image provoking descriptive phrases that are undoubtedly poetic. I sense such pain and yet towards the end a glimmer of hope as there is movement, life unfolding, "where once there was none." Could this refer to a new life created? or perhaps the re-igniting of the soul who had once 'died' in the dark depths of despair? This write leaves me with the thought that there was something very horrible that occurred, and yet, despite this tremendous pain, healing has begun. Thank you for sharing. Mandie||2010-11-08 16:49:12|
|Windjammer||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, I am not sure how you did it, but this poem seemed to flow with a rhyme all its own. I had to look back over it several times to be sure there was no specific rhyme scheme as it seemed to flow so well I was certain it rhymed as well. You do a beautiful job leading the reader on a vivid journey fraught with the torment of the sea and then calmed by the soothing waves of that same sea. This poem has much movement and momentum and brings the reader from line to line, this reader eagerly awaiting to see the fate of the "Windjammer." It was truly a treat to read. Great imagery "calming waters soothed the ship like cradles rock a sleeping babe" and your use of personification is indeed masterful: clouds that speak, a whimper that splashes, a sail that sighs, a ship that clings to life. Truly amazing! Great writing! Mandie||2010-09-13 22:30:05|
|A Trip or Two and Fall||DeniMari Z.||DeniMari, I like this...I have read it and reread it several times and can't quite put my finger on just what it is that strikes me so about this poem. I think, I have decided, it is that there are many possible ways to interpret this piece...from your title, this poem could be about someone tripping down a hall and eventually falling, but if i remember you well, your poetry if more profound than that. I have a gnawing sense that this hints at child abuse of some sort, perhaps sexual abuse..."alone and calmly demure" The child alone in her room, innocent and pure, unaware of the danger that lurks in the hall..."blinded in absence" she does not see the danger of one that is not there...but on she holds in high regard but sadly shouldn't "of useless regard." The last line leaves me to wonder on this theme, but also leads me to wonder on others...so many possibilities. Is it about students in a library, or perhaps someone who "open[s] a gateway of life lines unbarred" through psychic travel? and where are the vacated floors that this person or soul is inching and slipping down? I must admit I was tripped up by the following lines "Master universe shaking, by lights dimmed. Under clouded silence, widen nailed defines to escape modern morals" I am not sure if it is the meter or rhyme or that I lost the imagery as I read these lines...but something about them I think may suggest a closer look? or perhaps you could explain to me? I do like your writing and look forward to reading some more. I hope I am not completely off target... Cheers~ Mandie||2010-09-13 22:21:02|
|Rungs||Mell W. Morris||Mell, This is an incredibly brilliant piece of writing. The flow is flawless and the rhyme scheme just wisked me away. I was captivated from word one by the poignant imagery throughout the poem. Thank you for sharing this with us here at TPL...you are a true blessing here and i look forward to reading your writing. May you find peace and wellbeing in your corner of the world. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:47:32|
|haiku (snowplow)||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, This is an interesting piece that kind of dissolves like the fractal piece but different in a way. You keep true to haiku form, and paint a vibrant image. Good job here. Not much else to say on this one. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:43:52|
|Unknowing||Dellena Rovito||UNKNOWING A curious and excellent title - it drew me right in I'm not sharing... This line makes me wonder if the writer wants to undo the sharing she has already done...as if to unknow what she already knows... My mouth is full of words unspoken I am full up, of emotions untold. Behind my eyes lay layers of hidden thoughts. in therapy i often find myself full of words unspoken...i love these three lines...they speak so loudly of the resistance with in myself when recognizing the pain in my life, the tragedies things i want never to speak of again...yet need to be spoken to give honor to the experiences i've had and the parts of me that got me through...to speak my truth, though sometimes i wish i didn't know my truth... You think you know me, but you can't. If I don’t know myself, than how could you? Do I know you? I am positive not. Ah, how well can anyone truly know us, and certainly so if we don't know ourselves, or we keep ourselves from knowing. How can one know you if you do not share with them, if you are hiding from the truth of your life? Glimpses into the midst of all that obscurity will only tell what is allowed to show. If we won't say, opportunity goes. I surely must know someone …anyone…… Dellena, You have written another remarkable piece. Thank you for sharing this with us at TPL. I may be way off the mark with my comments above, but this piece really struck me at a deep level. As a survivor of cult/ritual abuse, there are many things i have remembered over the years that i wished i could unremember, unknow. You musings on how someone can know you, and the description of one holding things back and not sharing with others are very well put. There is so much i want to tell you that this poem makes me think about. The countless times i have sat frozen, my mouth like it was wired shut with invisible wires, or a steel plate slapped over it. Trying to not know the truth that was staring me in the face. IF i didn't share anymore then maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have to know it anymore. Oh wow...you've done an incredible job on this piece. Thanks again, Mandie||2005-07-07 15:42:07|
|I'll Call Him Bob||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, Yes, let's call him "Bob". I love how you have titled this piece. I do not work in a hospital, but have a good friend who does for 12 hour shifts. I have heard many a story of her patients, all touching my heart in one way or another. You have captured the brief moment of interaction that can occur to anyone who is open to the opportunity and who opens their heart to others. This prose narrative tells a story of just one of those countless souls who you come into contact throughout each Wednesday. It could be the story of a thousand patients, but this one has been remembered and you have created a beautiful tribute to him. I like the free verse style as it lends to the narrative style of the poem and creates a story picture. You employ everyday thoughts we use to describe people in our lives, but they bring a uniqueness to this patient. IT matters not whether you know his name, in that brief moment, you met his soul and i am certain as you recall that moment as fondly as you do, i am sure he does too. Thanks for sharing this with TPL. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:25:35|
|Listen to the Animals||Claire H. Currier||Claire, This is a great piece offering a message which must be heeded if we are to learn at all from Mother Earth and her creatures. Animals have an amazing ability to sense when things are up, not only in nature but also in their owners. How important it is for us to "Listen to the animals" as this poem is aptly titled. The free structure of your writing lends itself to the narrative style of this piece and kept this reader jumping from line to line in anticipation of the story's tale. (no pun intended) You have accomplished depicting the scene of animals preparing, hunkering down, for one of nature's storms and portrayed the scene with such poignancy your note was unneccessary for this reader. (however it was a nice reassurance that I read/understood the poem overall.) Thanks for sharing this with us here. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:18:41|
|Passion's Mercy||Cindy D. Clayton||Cindy, I can only imagine what this poem is about. I love the way you incorporate all the senses, Eyes, Lips, Ears, Hands...what do you smell? The images i get are of two lovers joining together in passion, one or maybe both brought to tears because of the beautiful 'intensity' of the act of making love. This is remarkably portrayed in the lines "Sweet rhythmic motion Intense closeness ridding tears" And then the eighth line supports this as well, "Sin fades to emotion" So often we see the act of making love as a sin, but in close moments such as the one you had described here the emotional connection surpasses that thought. There does seem to be an undertone of melancholy, almost as if the speaker has been hurt in the past and the close connection felt in this act is not only deep but also a painful reminder of a past experience, perhaps one in which making love had been forced and the connection was absent. "Give me my sin again" makes me think of my own experiences where as i connect with my husband on a deeper emotional level as opposed to just 'making love' because of my own dark past, i start to feel guilty and get scared and want to go back to just 'going through the motions' it is easier to deal without the painful emotions surfacing. But then i feel less alive...i hear a pleading in that last line, almost a bargaining...the emotional connection may be deep so deep that i am willing to work past my pain and connect with you again. That last line also portrays that this is an issue one lover deals with, as the words say give me my sin...indicating that one thinks it is a sin to make love. this would follow in the wake of one who may have been abused earlier in life and thinks it is a sin to make love. I don't know if i am way out there with this one, but it is how my mind read this. I am so sorry if the speaker in this poem has been hurt in the past, and yet happy that the speaker is learning to trust again. I think your title is very befitting here as it indicates the new found description of making love...passion instead of the older way of thinking about it as a sin. It flows well and the rhyme scheme is so subtle that it assists the flow without standing out...the talent of a great writer here. This is a great piece...thank you for posting and sharing it with us...forgive me if i have completely missed the mark here. Mandie||2005-06-28 06:36:25|
|Tonight||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, what a precious gem you have here. lilting and soothing, soaring too. i love the references to the earth and the characterization of the wind. it all works well together...tell me as i am curious, is this a cinquain...and if so, in writing cinquain can the writer choose how many syllables in the middle three lines? I thought they were supposed to be kept to 2 syllables in first and last lines, and 4, 6, 8 in the middle three lines in that order...Am i wrong? if so how wonderfule, it would make writing cinquain that much easier...any way just wondering...keep posting these juicy bits! Mandie||2005-06-27 15:31:03|
|Pablo’s daughter||Mark Andrew Hislop||What an intriguing piece we have here...I love your descriptive questions...the choice between painting and poetry...which is she? And who is she...perhaps she is both? is that possible. The flow and meter work well here as do the occasional rhymes. I assume this is free verse and would be interested to know some background on this poem. What prompted you to write it? what was your inspiration, aside from Neruda and Picasso? I love how this leaves me with questions it leads me to want to read more of your work. Thanks for sharing this with us and posting here.... Cheers. Mandie||2005-06-26 03:38:08|
|Prideau Malraux on 65th Street||Michael J. Cluff||I understand Malraux, but I wonder if Prideau, was meant to be Prie-deau? I had to look these words up to understand the meaning of this poem, and i am still quite lost. I imagine you are describing some scene you saw on the street? Great descriptive images...my mind wonders just what possibilities the fly is open to...I keep falling on one i'd rather not consider...Interesting read...challenged me. Thanks for posting, keep writing. Mandie||2005-06-26 00:23:27|
|Depending on What Is Is||Mell W. Morris||Although there is no apparent rhyme scheme or specific meter, this poem flows well and reads like a short story. It is filled with images, some i care not to imagine, but vividly portrayed. I wonder if the title should read..."Depending on What It Is" ? This is a thought provoking piece and one that really made this reader think. Good work. Mandie||2005-06-26 00:20:10|
|Yoked||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, Oh how burdening emotions can be and how restraining too. You have done an awesome job here conveying the image of being yoked to the emotions and how one must gasp 'for life sustaining air.' be it from anxiety or depression, fear or amazement. "Gripped in servitude to misery's implement' This is an incredible line and leads perfectly into the next. The metaphor, well simile, of the draft horse is excellently immersed within this deep and reflective piece. Sorrow is a complex and difficult emotion to carry...and often we attempt to evade the expression or process of grief...and in that process of escaping we do become heavy burdened and overwhelmed in feeling bound by something beyond ourselves and often become desperate to ease the pain. yes, 'and so it goes.' I love this piece, another one i will keep close by. Thank you for sharing it here online. Keep up the great work. Mandie||2005-06-26 00:11:19|
|Thunder||marilyn terwilleger||Great meter, rhyme and flow throughout. This is an excellent piece of work. The images are colorful and vibrant popping through the verses. "Flowers yawn and mountains shout" What a great characterization you have here. and here too "even grasses smile therein". I like the alitteration in "Skittered and scattered overtop." The use of 'Hearkened'in the first verse relates well to the mention of 'angel-spirit' in the second verse. There are so many goodies in this! Great job Marilyn. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Always enjoy it! Thanks for sharing it with us. Mandie||2005-06-25 23:57:35|
|Pickin||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, This is a refreshing piece that flows so fluidly and liltingly. Poignantly written what seems effortlessly. The rhyme works well and i think it rather crafty to use the same sound throughout. The images are vibrant and i like the characterization of the tree..."With attributes that I don't see" i love this line! Trees are such awesome creations that hold so much life and learning for me. I will keep this poem nearby, i love it! Thank you for posting it and sharing it with us here. Mandie||2005-06-25 23:48:40|
|Falling From You||Rick Barnes||Rick... This is a beautiful piece, eloquently written. Your rhyme scheme and structure works effortlessly and the story flows vividly through each stanza. 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 you have created a lovely beat and kept it true throughout the piece. The title nicely fits the work and the imagery and metaphorical appeal is intense. I can literally see two lovers falling for each other, or falling away. Even the image of 'jumping out of an airplane' comes readliy to mind and how perfect as falling in love can often give the same rush as that. I imagined two lovers jumping from a plane and holding tight, then letting go and falling from each other instead of towards one another or for one another. I know you don't mention airplane here, but that is what my mind created as i read this one. I love the metaphor and imagery and wouldn't change a thing! Cheers, Mandie||2005-06-25 23:44:58|
|Arnie||Latorial D. Faison||Latorial, This is a great tribute to a wonderful poet. You have done him well here. I like the flow and the structure of cinquain even though the meter varies. You paint a great picture and offer a great metaphor. Thanks for posting this and sharing it with us. Mandie||2005-06-25 23:20:10|
|These Eyes||Donna Carter Soles||Silence becomes a silent cry... A whisper of heart or whisper of lie? A wail, a scream soon tears apart (just a few adjustments that i think might help the flow...although it flows well for the most part.) my soul my mind my beating heart! (i love this stanza) I know I can ne'er escape these echoes of the lies and darkness which fills my lifeless, blinded eyes! (again subtle adjustments for flow) All that technical stuff aside...i love this piece. I am left wondering are you blind, or are you speaking of being blind to what is right in front of us. As a victim of severe abuse growing up, i dissociated most of the experiences and locked them away in my head. This piece screams at me and reminds me of so many bits of evidence that were and are often right in front of me that i couldn't see because of the 'lies' i told myself to get through it all. And silence...a huge part it played...you may want to read my poems titled "Prison" and "Silence" - this poem reminds me of these. Great work here...Thanks for sharing it! Mandie||2005-06-25 23:17:56|
|Foundations||Thomas H. Smihula||Thomas, This is a truly lovely piece. I love the images and the sense of a stong, old, perhaps oak tree that has witnessed generation after generation of your family. Yes it is a wonderful example of a foundation, with roots firmly planted in the earth and branches reaching to the sky. I imagine your grandchildren, wrestling with you and clinging in your arms, as though you were a tree yourself. Your family tree has definitely sprouted...and will continue for years to come. I really like the image of the tree, one can see oneself as the trunk, with ancestors the roots and children the branches. You have done a great job depicting this here. Good flow, i like the loose rhyme scheme...it certainly doesn't seem forced. Thanks for sharing this with us here. Mandie||2005-06-25 22:24:22|
|Cat Lovers.........HELP||Claire H. Currier||Claire, I could just see the cat through the delightful expression you have penned here. I love the way you wrote from the cat's point of view. I have three cats and I swear they know what is up when I pull out their crates...They know where we are headed. I used to try to take them for rides just to get them accustomed to riding in the car. I even have one that seems to hold it in and leaves a present for the vet when they go to take him out of the crate...EVERYTIME! And each time i think we have made it to the vet without a present...by the time we walk in...there's one there...so much fun...so pretty. I am glad to hear your pets 'survived' this adventure and that they are so well taken care of. The poem flows well and reads like a story. Great job on this one... Mandie||2005-06-25 21:54:51|
|I Don't Know||Kenneth R. Patton||Kenneth, This is a beautiful, short and to the point piece of art. IT is well written and conveys your thoughts poignantly. My only suggestion would be to say "But I know [you] would offer it" at the end of the 2nd stanza. Perhaps it is that you would offer her your strength, but in my humble opinion, which doesn't mean much, I think that change would suit the structure of the poem more befittingly. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer is an ugly evil and steals the beauties of life all too quickly and maliciously. I'm glad you had the chance to give her this too. Peace, Mandie||2005-06-24 07:22:44|
|Contentment||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, Medication can be a wonderful thing and can also be the opposite. My theory is if it works for you why upset the balance? If it doesn't, perhaps there's something else out there that can. I presume you're talking about an anti-depressant, or similar drug, and your reference to looking at the past reminds me that it has been the combination of medication and working in therapy on past childhood/young adulthood issues that has helped me through the darker moments into the light of contentment...if i can even say i have felt it. I have found my writing to be an amazing outlet and one which brings me peace, and it seems that writing holds something similar to you. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do, I know this much, whatever you decide will be what is meant to be...as long as you are keeping your own best interests at the forefront, you can't go wrong. I like this poem, it is simple, and from the heart, yet is complex with the possible interpretations. It flows and rhymes well. Good work here. Mandie||2005-06-24 07:16:45|
|For You I Waited||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, What great images here. The poem flows well and I was whisked away with your words. Are you still waiting? There is a melancholy tone here, and I wonder who you wait for...a lover perhaps, yes, it seems as you feel their breath and hear their voice. I love the vivid colors you have painted this picture for us in and look forward to reading more of your great works. Thank you for the honor of reading this one. MAndie||2005-06-22 16:43:01|
|I AM . . .||Latorial D. Faison||Latorial, Frankness is your style as this poem reveals. I love the flow and the images you create here. We are as poets each and everyone of these things and so much more. When will we all in this world realize we are all of the same creator, all of the same creation, we share the same air, drink the same water, walk the same earth? Thank you for this inspiring and thought provoking piece. Mandie||2005-06-22 16:26:27|
|Mea Culpa||Dellena Rovito||Cloudy skies and raindrop eyes - I love this line. Full of imagery and well written, this piece tickles my fancy. I am curious if you intentionally tried to make each line with the same number of syllables, oir if that just happened. the only two that are short a syllable would be the first two and i wouldn't want to see those change, they open the piece so lovely. if you wanted each line to have the same syllables perhaps sticking to a seven syllable line instead of eight would work... but i have trouble with some lines making that work. is this a particular form i am not aware of? Mea culpa! indeed...you've written a marvelous piece here...thank you for sharing. Mandie||2005-06-22 15:45:22|
|unittled||Rachel F. Spinoza||Rachel, I can't believe the misspelled title "unittled" was overseen by you. PErhaps intended? I wish i knew what a jacaranda is, my presumption would be it is a flower, perhaps one found in California? Great piece of haiku, form is good and the imagery superb (if i am right about the flower.?) Nice to read your work again. Mandie||2005-06-22 15:36:11|
|The Thief||Timothy Holyoake||Timothy, I am impressed deeply by your painful experience. Your title harshly forewarns of the painful tale you spin. But i presume it is not just a tale but an awful exprience, memory of yours. I too have had my share of this terrible crimes, and i can only hope youare finding peace and healing as you continue your journey and write. Thank you so much for sharing this piece with us. No child should ever be exposed to such cruelties and with such trickery and misguidance and alluring with treats. I am so sorry this happened to you. Many blessings for peace and cheer, but do not forget to let that young one mourn. Thinking of you, Mandie PS As a comment on structure and technicalities, i feel to comment here would be to take away from the poignant way you have shared this memory. I think the poem flows well and the structure seems rather sound to me. Thanks again.||2005-06-21 11:25:00|
|ASHES||Nancy Ann Hemsworth||Nancy, Wow - what an amazing collection of images and thoughts. you have captured the essence of spreading one's ashes so eloquently, i am awed at your artistry. i feel less than able to comment, much less critique this beautiful work. The structure lends us to read smoothly from one line to the next, the brevity kept my attention the whole way through. I felt like i was right there with you as you lifted your hands to release your loved one. And how bittersweet, we can hold andd release that one, those ashes, yet they can not hold and release us in return, but perhaps our release comes as we release them. I love what you've done here. Thank you for the read. Mandie||2005-06-21 11:13:34|
|Sole to Soul||Timothy Holyoake||This is a beautiful, but sad poem. it calls each of us out to recognize the valuable life in every being. The imagery is impeccable, and you convey the story clearly. I am reminded of the many homeless i see around town every day, and that longing in my soul to reach out to them. For it could be just as easy for me to be walking in their soles. Thank you so much for posting this...great work. Only one editing note... tried should read tired? just a thought. Mandie||2005-06-20 19:43:08|
|The Mindless Wanderer||Thomas H. Smihula||Thomas, You have cleverly depicted The wandering mind. and hence your title is so apropo. I am intrigued by your use of stanzas and line breaks as they pull me to read further and further, becoming lost amongst the thoughts of the mindless wanderer. what art. thank you for sharing this with us. Mandie||2005-06-19 18:37:56|
|The idea-hound||Mark Andrew Hislop||Wow Mark... Once again your writing has touched me ever so deeply. What a beautiful way you have captured the essence of writing and with such a powerful metaphor as the hound. I had to reread this several times to be sure it wasn't about a real blood hound that is how well you have employed the imagery here. I love the constellationless windowpane, and the 'parchment' which detains your hand. eloquently written. Thanks for sharing this !!! Mandie||2005-06-19 18:27:04|
|Dignity||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This is quite an interesting piece. it flows quickly and the imagery is profound. I like how the first two stanzas seem to rhyme, and would like to see the third rhyme also. but i am not sure what to suggest. it has been a few reads and i still can't quite tell what it is that is missing. It seems well written and not needing anyhing added, but my rhyming mind wants something more.Ilike this one, it makes me think. great work. Mandie||2005-06-19 18:10:22|
|The Bones of the Dead||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Wow...what an incredible piece of writing. I see so many different angles that the reader can go with this writing. Whether it is viewing a ghost town, or a decaying soul in a battered body. You have very artfully portrayed for me the image of one who is reflecting on a history of a life the author qquestions as meaningfull or meaningless. The image of the 'bones of the dead' is a very stark image and draws my attention immediately. I like how each line flows into the next, each stanza to the next. It seems seamless, and structured so well, that the rhymes flow effortlessly. Great work poet. Thank youf for sharing this one. it is a good one! Mandie||2005-06-19 18:04:36|
|Wind At My Back||Mell W. Morris||Mell, Wow. what an incredible poem filled with imagery and natural impressions. I love your use of a 'new vocabulary' and am intrigued by the form you have chosen. each line kept me drawn to the next, and perhaps thihis was your reasoning behind your choice of form? I think you have done a great job here and i look forward to reading more of your writing. Mandie||2005-06-19 17:45:05|
|Abyss||Jesus Manuel Lopez||Jesus, I love this poem. I wish I was more educated about the references you make, but the story came through clear to me. I was reminded of the deep abyss i feel inside myself. This poem flows nicely andconveys well the philosophical questions of life that we all grapple with. Thank you for posting this. Mandie||2005-06-19 17:41:24|
|A Diamond Of Design||Nancy Ann Hemsworth||Nancy, Very well written! I love the play on the metaphors of personalities in the different types of gems. Your work is well formed, flows well in most the entire poem and the message comes across clearly and succinctly. Thank you for sharing this great piece with us online. I love how the first two lines and last two lines repeat - the second time round there's such more meaning in the couplet thanks to your superb writing. I think that is what makes a poem truely wonderful when the writer makes you think and shift your perspective effortlessly, and that is exactly what you do with this one. Job well done! Keep writing. Mandie||2004-10-07 22:41:35|
|Mass of tears||Mark Andrew Hislop||Oh wow. I love the message in this poem and the imagery is undoubtedly clear. What a struggle as a man to become vulnerable to all emotions and feelings and then to express them as beautifully as you have here. Unfortunately men in our society are taught to 'dam' the tears and be stoic to the outside world, yet at what expense? There is so much to life besides being 'strong' and without feeling. So much more and I think your writing here clearly shows this. Thank you for letting us read and share in your beautiful creation!||2004-09-20 02:31:45|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Mandie J Overocker||Critique Date|
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