Duane J Jackson's E-Mail Address: nightbreed2006@yahoo.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Duane J Jackson	Critique Date
Tuscany	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, In trying to analyse this dark piece, I've concluded that the central theme has to do with a longing for someone who is out of reach or has slipped away from the grip of your hand. The after effects seem to have wrapped you in misery and enhanced your lustful cravings for her presence to draw near. I also see a scuffle here --- between spiritual purity and a more worldly fuelling of desires. The poet, for me, seems torn. The poet also seems to be torn between two hopes - 'the re-emergence of God's light' and the thought of re-uniting with the source of this lust - 'I am suppose(d) to be with you'. But then, I might be over-analysisng. Interesting!!! Take care, Duane.	2005-10-22 07:16:12
For when a child sings	Deborah L Bird	Hi Deb, You've given us something interesting here. And I agree, when children sing, the angels do smile. Now, looking at this poem from a more technical perspective, it reads more like a narrative and as a corrective measure, you would do well to make this more rhythmic....add some rhyme and make it sing. Looking forward to more of your poems in the future. Take care, Duane.	2005-10-19 22:33:20
After Katrina	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, I like the political undertones in this and its relevation of social injustices. You've used poetry to its fullest in striking at the core of the imbalances in human order. There is a bubbling anger and frustration written in these lines that reveal the state of the poets mind and in many ways the minds of all those who felt neglected in the aftermath. Rhyme has always been my favorite poetic form and this read marches with a thump in its beat. I would suggest looking at the meter a little closer though...there are verses which break from the uniformity of the piece. For example ---- verse 5, 7, In verse 11, 'citizens' breaks from the rhyme scheme..which leads to a kind of abrupt jerk in the read. The end was perfect and a fine slap in the face. The meter can always be ironed out but what really is important is conveying strong emotion which has been rendered with strength. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.	2005-10-08 21:00:59
Gloomy Days	Kimberly A Butterworth	Hi Kimberly, I don't remember critiquing a poem of yours before but savor the opportunity to do so this time. You reflect on gloom in a strange way. It seems (through the piece) that you relish the gloom of the autumn inspired surroundings, eschewing any scope for light and disbursement of fog. The bleak spirit that surrounds this piece seems to blend perfectly with the contemplative nature of the poet as reflected herein and I agree, the sunny side of life is almost always superficial. Darkness is a lot more honest an revealing. I like the thought proceeding in this. I would suggest taking a closer look at the meter. You've used rhyme as the form and as such, would need a more uniformly rhythmic structure. For example, verses 1 and 4 are not in sync with some of the other verses and there are quite a few jerks through the read. This will gradually work its way out once you sit down to revise it but what is important is that you know what you want to say. Nice poem!! Take care, Duane.	2005-10-08 07:48:52
Another War	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This was a very touching and personal piece...one that captures painful memories of the suffering of your husband and of yours in witnessing the horrendous effects war has on all of us.....especially those who were first hand witnesses. It's poems such as these that need to be bold-printed, magnified and rubbed in the face of those who just don't get it. 'In his thousand yard stare he had visions of war, carnage, suffering, and Hell.' These lines struck me most - a 'thousand yard stare'. This reflects the shock and the awe that the perils of war leave...when its all over. Stark. 'On his death bed he whispered to me, "I won't go to heaven because I have committed murder."' This must have been most painful for you. And it is sad that innocent humans must serve as pawns for larger political interests....those on the offensive and defensive. In a time where the world is grappling with the war in iraq and fresh from the offensive in afghanistan, this poem stands out in its social relevance on a general and personal level...and it is the personalistaion of it that makes its effect a lot sharper. I've had a change in job responsibilities back here...a little more now. But no, that doesn't mean I'll be cutting back my time here...I'm just trying to get a footing of the new work and then I'll be back again in full swing. Take care, Duane.	2005-10-01 07:51:46
Upon the Back of Dragonfly	Mary J Coffman	Hi Mary, I'm not sure if I remember a poem of yours prior to this but I am happy to have had the opportunity of doing so with this one. I've seen a lot of dragonflies back here and these creatures intrigue me no less. You'v given them a well-deserved place in this piece....people have wrtten about birds and bees, frogs and even grasshoppers but dragonflies haven't been elevated as often (if not at all). I've enjoyed this on the basis of three aspects - the inherent music, the imagery and the meter (which inculcates the sense of riding toward fulfilment. Rhyme has always been my favorite poetic form and makes this piece sing. Consequently, was this also meant to be a song? Just wondering. The description of the sky, the lush garden, the due, etc gives this dragonfly a perfec stage to intice the reader. Nice poem, Mary. Keep writing!! Duane.	2005-10-01 07:38:40
Time Ends	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I can't wait for the poems to come swimming up to 4 points on my list..so I'm goign to go ahead and respond. This cinquain is full of emotion and these dreams seem to be ripe with a sense of nostalgia. Again, you have done a commendable job at fixing in a world of emotion into this limited format. 'Blue emotion mirrors' is good and a nice way to allude to the way sorrow and pensievenss relflects back...it seems so cyclic and encompassing...and rarely lets us run free. Now, based on my understanding a cinquain is in a 2-4-6-8-2 format but this is 2-5-7-6-2. I like the way this piece begins with (title) and ends with 'time ends'. Take care, Duane.	2005-09-24 12:19:43
With Leaves Stirring	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I'm thrilled to find a submission of yours. I am guaranteed to be rewarded with a read that this is inspiring and evocative in its ability to stir the mind and prick the senses with a taste of nirvana. Nirvana, yes, there is an almost spiritual aura about this piece, there is a presence here that is magical, from the moment of your riding the 'high stepping' mare toward the glorious setting sun....to the focussed chattering chips of granite. You have intertwined heavenly shades of color with the painting-like surroundings...add to this the sounds of the hooves of the trotting mare. This piece has philosophical undertones of contentment and while there somehow seems to be a current of nostalgia running through the entire piece....but a positive one. Amazing as always, Mell. So,did some of your friends like 'butterfly dreaming'? Take care, Duane.	2005-09-23 08:03:09
Rumination on Love #1	Jillian K Sorenson	Hi Jillian, I liked the way this covered the contrasts between our fantasies and realities......a treat for the romantic at heart. You end the piece with the unveiling of our most feared nightmares - that of our lovers turning into 'toads' --- you allude to this disappointment from the point of view of a woman but this could very well be true for men as well --- i've had first jand experience with a 'toad' princess. I don't recall reading many (or any) of your poems in the past but this was excellent...concise, well-executed, wonderful!! Your title was interesting and it tells me that there are more ruminations to come. Take care, Duane.	2005-09-21 11:21:52
Wrath	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I'll have to agree with you...the critique numbers are down and I know exactly how it feels to post a piece and wait endlessly for a wholesome number of responses. I've therefore taken a dive to the bottom of my poem list to scoop this up and commend you for the wealth of good poetry within its casing. There have been some good pieces written about Katrina this month and this would have to rank high up there with the best of them. It is amazing how human tragedy stirs the poets within us...we have a lot to be proud of as a community....poets rush to the fore to give the suffering a voice and in doing so, offer consolation. You make Katrina out to be a monster in this one...aptly, I might add. Violent in every possible way.... A mighty hand shook the sea ---- Katrina might have been a weight lifter....very nicely put!! and sharpened the teeth of wind.---- i loved this..wind with teeth is a chilling way to describe the furor of the wind The fallen roof of sky roared --- 'fallen roof' nice again...it all caved in, the sky, the roofs of houses and human lives themselves like hell and parts of earth were swallowed from sight. Mortals fled unguided in this ghostly hour and drank of their own breath. Somber streams --- this is telling of such darkness, a vividly frim picture where all that they had was their own breaths to suffice for a lack of oxygen and...freedom. of supplicating tears spilled to meet the indignant sea.--- these lines highlight the immense sorrow and gives it volume Fumes and stench the aftermath of Satan's wrath. ---- satan of course, the master of our doomed destinies. Aptly titled wrath, this made for a chilling read, graphic, descriptive and vivid in its ability to create visual impressions in one's mind. Extremely well done!! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-14 16:14:54
Crucible of the Towers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, I remember reading and responding to this poem way back in 2001. I was 21 years old back then and was rattled by the events that brought humanity to a stand still. This piece today reminds us of the darker yesteryears but also resonates with the hope that there are heroes watching over us. September 11th brought heroes to the fore, who blackened the faces of terrorists the world over even as they went about the task of saving lives with utmost bravery and selflessness, losing their own in the bargain. This poem is a tribute to great ideals and there is no better way of recognising this than against the backdrop of absolute horror. Thanks for re-submitting this, in its innovative style (the stair structure). Take care, Duane.	2005-09-13 16:01:12
How Boring	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, A very relevant poem in today's world of selfishness and carelessness. Your theme is original and your approach to it is innovative. You draw very clear contrasts between the One True God and the 'false' gods of this earth, who in comparison, are sitting ducks with little or nothing to offer this world except for grandiose shows of power and might. Yes indeed...it must be boring and I like the way you re-state this repeatedly in your poem. An overall good poem!! I would like a more intense title...the one you have is a little too light-hearted. Take care, Duane.	2005-09-13 15:11:04
hope	charles r pitts	HI Charles, A commendable haiku, with a strong theme and effective projection. Indeed, the sense resonating from this one is filled with hope and there isn't a better way to depict it than through a flower. 'Savory' is a perfectly chosen word...it just sounds good off the tongue. It's been a busy time for you it seems...cinquains, haikus...you rose to the challenge! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-13 01:34:18
betrayal	charles r pitts	Hi Charles, Another cinquain!! You certainly have a flair for this form. True to its 2-4-6-8-2 metrical structure and deep in theme, the effort is rich from start to finsih. You've talked of betrayal in this one and I am now seeing a common thread running through your submissions this month. It isn't unlikely for you to write in series, judging by some of the previous poems I have read. Your approach to this theme is as sharp as the act itself and you highlight it with intensity - 'throat laid bare....knowing you hold the blade....bleed'. You give your reader a very real sense of what it feels like to be betrayed. Of course, in true love, even an act of this nature is pardonable and hope does exist. Fine offering!! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-11 12:17:24
truth	charles r pitts	Hi Charles, A cinquain!! I'v always appreciated the challenges that go into this poetic art form (including haikus). Saying so much within these metrical limits would put even the best of us to the test and you have done a commendable job. Your theme hovers around 'truth'...more so, the inverse - lies. And it is the act of telling lies that 'makes the hopeful heart hate' causing 'loving eyes how [now] to despise'. You might be relating to personal experience or 'trust' in general terms. What is certain, is the disappointment anyone would feel when lied to, especially if the understanding between the two is strong. Coming to the technicalities of the piece, my understanding of cinquain is a syllable break-up of 2-3-6-8-2. You might want to add a syllable in line 2 unless you intend to have 'forked' read with two. Nevertheless, enjoyed this piece of work in the difficult form that it was presented in. Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-10 23:56:11
After Katrina . . .	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, I read this several times and got a very strong feel of the bitterness and anguish over the fate of New Orleans. The tragedy has left an innumerable number of people with sour tastes in their mouths and the questions of the handling of the situation have piled up over one another. Yes, the images that were coming across to us were mostly those of african-americans caught in the middle of the tragedy. The debate about equality seems to have re-opened even as we witness sharp divisions in the social order be it in terms of race or economics. I'd ride the beats of an African drum/ Is it because of our status That help passes us by? Is it because of history That we watch each other die? Black babies crying, And where was America's "Great White Hope" . . . , --- I picked out the above lines from the poem as they very strongly reveal how a natural disaster is able to reveal bigger disasters in our societies that go unnoticed, in this case, the disaster of social divisions and social inequalities. The anger in this runs deep and there is no better way of conveying such emotion than poetry. Keep writing!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-09-10 23:42:11
Ode To A Younger Me	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Anyone would come away enlightened from a piece like this...there is wisdom in every line and there is no doubt in the mind of your reader that the advice was of immense worth to you. I like the way you you've taken all of it, structured it into poetic form and shared it with us on the link. The rhyme gives it good rhythm but that is minor in comparison with the knowledge contained herein....Not much I can say except for "may it percolate through society's most selfish and darkest quarters". Take care, Duane.	2005-09-10 07:05:40
I Think of You	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I sense a feeling of extreme hopelessness in this dark piece...the cigarettes, the alcohol...the looming shadow of death. Love can make or break a man and it seems (from your poem) that it has stricken you with a void that can only be filled with painful memories. I can relate very easily having been in this situation before. The last drink ---- a sense of finality...death seems to be near and this death could be mental or physical The last cigarette The last of the noiseless chatter --- noiseless chatter - indeed, silence makes the most noise! I think of you When I don't think too much --- it leaves us with nothing much to think of I wonder if it even matters The alcohol seduces me ---- addiction The smoke warms my lungs ---- consolation I am not ignorant to what will come --- it seems you are aware of the outcome but cannot beat it I think of you When I think of the end If I find any purpose, I'll leave some The last glass The last coffin nail ---- very dark image The last of a life so wasted I think of you When I'm not even here A succulent love I never tasted ---- the feeling for longing was never fulfilled The ethanol sedates me ---- the descriptors become sharper and stark; a loss of consciousness The nicotine soothes me ---- well, hopelessness again! I offer you my senseless death ---- you realise it is senseless but yet feel trapped without alternative I think of you When I know there is nothing Awaiting the comfort of my last breath --- nice line, as if you were looking forward to breathing your last. Wow, a lot of dark areas in this one....gothic in its appeal. I liked your incorporation of rhyme...it gives the piece a nice cadence. Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-08 01:34:55
Morning Prayer	Joyce P. Hale	Hi Joyce, Hats off to Chris for giving us this seven day window period. There are quite a few poems I missed and I'm glad to have the opportunity of responding to some of them. 'Morning Prayer' would be a great way to start the day. The rhyme in this gives it a musical touch and the tone is one of contentment and appreciation for the finer things in life. Indeed, there is a lot to be grateful for. Dear Lord, may this day bring me closer to Thee. Grant me wisdom to help others in need; --- it is in giving that we recieve...I am thinking about the New Orleans disaster now...what a tragedy. I have always believed that the best way to get closer to God is through social service. to others, grace to seek comfort from you. May I keep You in mind in all I do. ---- and if all of us kept Him in mind in all that we did, the world would surely be a better place to live in. Thank You for the moon as it sets at morn, and the sun for its light, and its rays that warm; ---- for a good night's sleep and a rewarding day. I love the slant rhyme in this. for the rain that gives life to all below, and seasons that count our life's tableau. ---- tableau sounds good, you picked a good word...rich. Thank you for loved ones who fill our days; your guiding hand throughout life's maze. ---- absolutely, life would be nowhere without our loved ones, and we'd all be lost in life's maze if we hadn't anyone to guide us. For your unbound love and grace I pray, and I thank you for another day. Amen ---- nice ending. Coming to the poetics of the piece, I must say that the rhyme scheme is commendable. In poems such as this, it is so easy to fall under the influence of forced rhyme but you have steered clear and used beautiful slant rhyme which works its way through the poem perfectly. Well done!!! A very well-written piece!! Take care, Duane.	2005-09-07 02:23:38
Green Grass	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem travels from the woodlands to the sea, from a desert to the city and in the end travels all the way back to the comforts and warmth of home where the 'grass is even greener'. In taking us on this journey you have helped create vivid ambiences, giving your reader a strong feeling of exactly what it was like away from home. The woodlands were too hushed, the seas were too wet, the deserts were deserted and the city, too noisy for peace and ease. Home is where the balance is and I am sure most of us feel that way when we venture far. So, for those who say the grass is greener on the other side, the retort would be 'Then I went home... where the Grass is ever greener'. I walked to the forest and saw rugged columns of wood too tall for sky's lid. Smelled emerald brome and spied a bull Wapiti with velvet antlers adorning his head. Hushed is this woodland The sense of being overwhelmed as the first stop-over is highlighted here with the sky-pearcing trees being to tall too fathom...there doesn't seem much to offer as it is all very hushed and while the bull Wapitit might have been beautiful, he definitely wasn't someone who could provide a warm hug....unlike your son, perhaps..in the comfort of your home. I ran to the sea and saw waves crash about, undismayed in their zeal. I tasted salt and felt pointed pellets of water spill upon my skin. Deep and dark is This pelagic liquid We are now greeted with the crash of waves. They seem to greet the author with any lack of concenn. 'I tasted salt'...this itself must have been a complete turn-off and highlights the repellant in the level of comfort and life-long satisfaction a place like this could bring. Nice alliterative sound in pointed/pellets. Indeed the ocean is deep...and dark...it can be all consuming...as we have recently seen with the Tsunami in Asia and with Katrina in New Orleans. Surely, the sea cannot replace home sweet home. Pelagic is a nice rich word. I've noticed a lot of your pieces use some very nice, rich words that sound good to the ear. I found my way to the desert where I saw a two-humped camel with funny flat feet, let sand caress my fingers and toes. Sun's lambent embers sear the soil in This wilderness With due respect to camels...they are very sloppy....who would want a pet like that! And the funny flat feet seem to put you off at the outset. I like the fricative 'f' sounds in funny flat feet. The embers of the sun sear through the soil and it seems like the wilderness is part of an oven. Surely, this is too much to ask for when one seeks the warmth and there isn't a better composition of warmth than the kind we find at home. I went to the city and saw giants made of brick and steel that jabbed clouds. I saw flickering lamps of light that pierced my eyes, heard sounds that screeched. There is No solitude in this place I assume you live in a suburb, Marilyn. The fast life and screechy sounds of the city seem to disorient you. Like the trees of the woodlands the buildings seem to pierce the sky and overwhelm us tiny beings. They have no hearts...they are stiff in steel and brick. The crowds surge and solitary escapes. This piece gives us a very clear picture into the love you feel for your home and of your appreciation for it. Very-well written and I especially liked the way you took us all over and brought us back to the place you love most. Take care, Duane.	2005-09-03 05:22:32
The Grooms Gift	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Now wouldn't every newly-wed wife hunger for their husbands to write something like this and sweep them off their feet. I've read three of your poems thus far and must conclude that you are a die-hard romantic!! Your words spring from your heart's deepest core and glow with a very deep sense of fascination for the woman of your dreams. As blood does flow, so two souls merge into one. ---oneness depicted through blood We come to this crossroads, ---- crossroads as in a choice on whether to take the big step or not from on different paths. But we met. ----- met on the crossroads and converged into 'one'. Let there be no regrets, as our love takes flight, an exotic bird of paradise.--- nice line...love compared to the flight of an exotic bird of paradise Something for all to wonder at! ---- yup, perfect love is rare these days You’re the angel that’s captured my mind. ----- romantic....comparing her to an angel Now I give to you my heart, feel it pumping in your hands, --- my favorite line, great image, original yours to do with what you will. Lets tarry awhile, on an idyllic isle, ---- isle/awhile - nice slant rhyme white sand framed with lush green palms ---- great line, good imagery...the lines are becoming a lot more fresher than their predecessors :-) All set in a deep sapphire sea.---- love the color I wait for thee on our wedding day, I am filled with a rush, --- like most grooms!! giving heed to a burning blush, of an eternal summer rapture.--- very well written...nice alliteration in burning/blush With a wreathed smile, behind a girlish hand, ----- nice> girlish hand/ wreathed smile you see me with a woman’s eye and believe in, our, one true love. I pray, henceforth, from this day, that we shall ne’er be parted. This is our season of joy, the start of all our tomorrows. I love you more than life, for today you will become my wife! (How’s that for happy ever after) That's just fine for a happy ever after! :-) Enjoyed this one, Stephen. Have you read it to her? I'm sure you have. Take care, Duane.	2005-09-02 14:20:08
Your Face	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, A cinquain, beautifuly written and reflective of the first time you met your late husband and the last time you saw him.....when his face wore a frozen smile ( a smile that would forever remain etched in the memory of your last look at him). The title is apt and the theme is one of profound love with nostalgic and sentimental undertones. My heart twitched as I read through the last two lines...but yes, there was hope in them too. 'I last saw your smile frozen in time' - as a testament to the immortality of love. Marilyn, technically, it seems you have 5 syllables in the thrid line....it should be 6 if I am not mistaken or are these flexibilites permissible in Cinquain? Nevertheless, I loved the emotion in this piece...it sprung straight from the heart. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-31 15:53:06
One Evening	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Interesting...and magical. Was this mysterious and charming prince our very own Spinner from the 'Imperfect Pub'? Jokes aside, this did turn out to be a richly worded piece that danced in synchronization with its theme. You've used rhyme as your form which makes this even more attractive....But let's get down to the nitty-gritties (not sure if i spelled it right) and look below the surface. While you have given us the imagery of the dance in progress.....i long to hear the music and while the rhyme scheme creates this music technically, I long to hear about it in the music since that is what sent both pairs of feet tapping. Or was there any music at all and did the dance simply take off from the music of the magic of the scene? Just my two cents bit though.. :-) This fellow...what did he look like...was he just another suitor...was he someone dreamed of...I missed a description of this person or a clue as to what he might look like or even a defining characteristic.....we see you clearly...aflutter, dressed in lavender lace. An opalescent moon hung in the high seducing hearts spilling spells from the sky. ---- beautiful lines, spilling spells is craftsmanship! Nice alliterative sounds. Dazzle dancing stars told of a meeting ---nice alliteration again wonderful to be: fiery yet fleeting ---- fiery yet fleeting...hmmm....like the way it reads Then out of nowhere, a fellow arrived his introduction noted: uncontrived. ---the hero emerges, prince charming Encircling me in dancers embrace I'm aflutter dressed in lavender lace. --- i guess this is where we miss any clue about his appearance Rhythmically weaving, we skirted the floor. Joyously dancing to the edge of amour. ---floor/amour .....fine rhyming, great sounds...the sounds are at the forefront of this piece Merry swirled the night, twirling to song -- swirled, twirled...there's a lot of dancing here until warbler's chant pulled up the dawn. ---- and the spoiler sun begins showing...warbler's chant - good Sun's glance advanced in consideration Enthrallment thrived in highest vibration. Thinking the encounter the first and last I'll ever reminisce the evening past. As Cinderella's slipper was lost, then found my acquaintance proposed another round. ------ another round...a part 2 perhaps? Nice magical ending...inspite of the sun's annoying appearance. Well, this piece sure took me dancing with it and I wouldn't mind another round! Keep writing! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-29 15:34:55
Tomorrow's Forecast	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Written masterfully! I was especially drawn to this one thanks to the effective use of rhyme. Rhyme has always been my favorite and always will be....it's good to see others project this form so effectively. There is ingenuity in your theme...it is unique and innovative. A 'forecast' for the weather in our hearts...mmm...now that kind of a forecast would be tough as the flip flop between happiness and sorrow is anybody's guess. Interesting symbolism used in terms of 'fronts confronting our hearts'. I liked the sound of it too......strong 'c' sounds - charts/considered/confronting and 'ah' sounds - charts/past/hearts. I noticed that you spell 'weather' as 'whether'. I don't believe this to be a mis-spelling. Rather, it seems to be a pun and you leave it open to the reader to predict 'whether' it's going to get any better or not...'whether' the sun will shine or dip...etc. That indeed, was the icing on the cake. Hat's off to you! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-28 23:58:39
Pole in Hand	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, This made for an interesting read and I am sure it did bring back some memorable memories of the time you spent with your dad on his fishing trips. The generations are connected in their interests and now your grandchildren join your son on his fishing trips too. There was humor in this, coupled with a sense of nostalgia for days gone by. Adding rhyme to this piece will be wonderful and it will also give you the opportunity of spending more time with these everlasting memories of family life...and in this day and age of divisions, families are ever so important. Always good to hear from you. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-28 08:10:34
Don't Get Around Much Any More	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, It takes the Blues to lighten a heart and offer it consolation...no doubt about it and the works of blues greats such as B.B King and Lena Wilson to name a few have left their imprints on the hearts of those who have suffered...or...are suffering (and are inclined towards this type of music, of course). The Blues call out like the sea calls out to the sailor and together, the song, the singer and the listener embark on a journey unmatched...the guitar riffs, the saxophone wails create a world away from the very world that created the very root of this legendary musical genre. Indeed, it is much like 'balm' rubbed onto the forehead of torment. Written in free verse (your favorite style), this beautifuly crafted piece offers us insight into the influence of this genre of music on your life. It also tells us about the pain you are currently experiencing and the heart-ache you endure for it is this that draws us to the strains of a Muddy Waters or a John Coltrane. I feel the same way....most of the time. The language is rich...but never difficult to comprehend and that encompasses good poetry...there's no point writing rich poetry to the effect that only professors of the language may understand it and you have done very well in this regard. Written with music at the helm of things, I noticed that sounds play a vital role in effectively executing this piece. Examples: 'sudden summer storm'- nice alliteration, 'pellucid' - loved the sound of this, 'swirls from the stage' - wonderful effect on the tongue, 'strained smoke filled clubs', 'singing stormy weather', 'coaxing and caressing Lucille' - amazing!!....etc. The title isn't directly related to the piece but it is innovative and through it you tell your friends and readers about what you have been doing...unfortunately, we will all be upset to learn that your illness has kept you from doing much...the title is also the source for your proximity and appreciation for the blues. Alright Mell...I am all praises for this piece...I love the way you write and the way you project your thoughts....Excellent poem!! I do pray that healing will continue to work with you....it would be great to have you here with us a lot more often. My aunt in London, suffers from Lupus...and I am able to relate with what you go through. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-27 14:13:31
Play For Me	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I enjoyed the lyrical undertones of this piece, the flow makes this a rich song of asking for deliverance. Have you set a tune to this or are you contemplating it? There is no doubt that God loves music...his angels are full of it...and in asking for some of His eternal music you have given Him music in return. The theme, while positive in its delivery (probably out of confidence in a protective and forgiving God) does carry dark shades of unrest within the heart of the poet (that seems to be smeared with the anguish of sin). This will ring a bell in most of us (if not all ) as sin is universal. The pinch of sin is great and you use this poem as a platform to ask for your estrangement from it - Example: 'In this perdition I call my soul, Where wander emotions I cannot feel'. Almost every line rings with this appeal for deliverance and yet there is this confidence in the tone that delivery will come. The repetition of 'play your song...' emphasises desire to hear His music and to taste the food of love again. I also sense that the poet might have had a sour encounter with God...a parting of ways so to speak and is seeking to mend bridges again - Example: 'Let its grace restore my faith'. The passion in this is strong!! Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-26 15:51:15
There's No Place Like...........	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, Unfortunately, this exciting game doesn't have even a small share of the sports pie back here in India but I appreciate and respect its huge place in the lives of my fellow-men in America. I believe that baseball is as popular in Cuba too. Having a decent knowledge about American culture, I am also aware of the cultural importance of the game and how inter-twined it is in the lives of the people there. As such, this piece came as a very welcome treat and eventhough I am not completely familiar with the rules of the game, I feel the energy in this and can sense the stands erupting like a volcanic burst, full of excitement and anticipation. Of course, if all sports commentators were as good at poetry as you are, I'd tune into their commentaries no matter what the sport is :-) Coming to the poetics of the piece, I marvel at the way you have set the strucutre of the flow in perfect synchronisation with an 'energetic', 'bubbly' theme such as this. Your incorporation of well executed slant rhyme adds to the skippy, vivacious beat. A theme such as this must never be taken lightly, for years down the line, future generations will be curious about the ways and lives of our current generation. Poems like this will serve as frozen moments in time that shed light on the times of today and a look-back on history and one of its greatest sports- baseball. Wonderfully written!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-24 12:37:40
I Think I Will	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, Simply beautiful.......I loved the way you penned this...well chosen words, great structure and flow.....a package. Coming to your theme, I must add that it is enveloped with mystery - I Think I Will - says a lot in itself about what is to come and how much is actually revealed to us. There is a world of doubt involving matters pertaining to the after-life. 'I Think I Will', was a well chosen title and brings out the human being within you. Where do we go when hearts stop and souls escape from pools of blood and flesh? The eternal question..eternity...re-birth...where? Not all souls and hearts escape from pools of blood and flesh but I feel that your inclusion of this line in your piece is simply to magnify the human being in light of its supernatural transition into the beyond. Do we float unguided and un-swaddled, shading our --- nice alliteration here, nice choice of words. brow from glare but straining our necks to see? --- loved this imagery Do we float into 'the other side' without anything or anyone to lead us...are we lost sheep? Interesting philosophical questions! I have decided I shall go undaunted and undismayed with a sprinkling of outlandish grace. At least I think I will Like a polished soldier marching to recieve his/her reward for a life fruitfuly lived. Well said. I noticed some slant rhyme. Rhyme is and always will be my favorite form and slant rhyme is WAY TO GO. Flesh/glare/necks........undismayed/grace - nice incorporation. Gem of a poem Marilyn!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-23 15:29:25
Shadow's Last Sigh	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This was a lovely piece of writing and aptly titled 'Shadows last Sigh'. From the crack of dawn to the cover of night you have given us some vivid imagery - Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone --- nice rhyming sounds of dawn/gone; very musical impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land --- yawning land is nice; again nice rhyme yawn/dawn/gone Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain --- tawny is a nice word; i notice a lot of the AWN sounds. Moutain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea --- good imagery, velvet lea sounds good Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees --- wow! beautifuly stated great lines. Slithering night folds its shade, wily -- night slithering like a serpent winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh --- nice alliterative sound in 'wily winds wave', nice ending I liked what you've done with shadows, Marilyn. Well written! Looking forward to reading more. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-23 00:32:52
Middle East	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Jana, You bring us this celebration from the Middle East and do so exquistely. You wrote this beautifuly. I am not as familiar as you are with the traditions and customs of that part of the world but this is probably a wedding celebration of sorts....if not, then this probably has to do with belly dancing and I remember you telling me about your fascination of this while you were stationed there. To add innovation to genius you have made this piece dance with its theme. Your formatting is wavy in keeping with the inherent music. liquid swirling body --- hmmm, i've seen them dance and their bodies do move like liquid undulating silk scarves ---- cool alliteration, am enjoying this piece of entertainment (smile) teasing twinkly dangle of golden coins garbed thickly around satin skinned swaying hips ---- beuatiful alliterative sounds here naked soft sexual serpent ---some more alliteration, love the comparison with the serpent and the hints of sensuality. arms hovering through exquisite goddess veils ----- wow, you've done amazingly well to capture these women in words (like a moving photograph... jewel encrusted breasts ---- lavish, rich winding bracelet round swinging cymbals and bells dance the wanton beat of sweat sheen erotic soul driving slave heat ---- well, it must have been hot at the time!! What do I say? This is a rocket heading straight for the stars!! Magnificent, Jana. You've captured the ambience, the lavishness, the royalty of it all......wonderful piece of art. Close attention to sound, imagery, ambience, etc make this one of my all time favorites. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-21 00:59:14
The Dirt Farmer	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, What a wonderful tribute! Have you read this to your dad yet? 'He has uplifted the dignity of labor' ---- I am glad I found this poem at the top of my list. It highlights the depth of parental love and the lengths our parents go through to ensure that our lives are as comfortable as possible. It is the same with my parents and my parents tell me stories of their parents having made similar sacrifices. Parental love is universal indeed. Early morn, he ambled to the grange Equipped with farming tools His mind directed merely to a sole purpose To till the soil for his family to survive.------ this verse reveals the mindset of a determined individual; straight to the grange to till the soil. His arms are stalwart enough To scythe the grasses along the paddies ---- i like your choice of words thus far (ambled, stalwart, scythe) His eyes are keen enough To watch the pesky rats ---- pesky rats (like the delicate sound of this) Protecting the rice As if it is his dear child. ---- great line to highlight how protective your dad is. Even how much heat is given off by the noonday sun His back never retires, Though his skin is tanned with sunburns Still proud to cuddle his beloved sons ---- the epitome of a family man. In the farmhouse he never long for music Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes ----- beautiful line, my favorite Serving melody in the paddies, The trees dance gaily Witnessing him from a distance Through the mountain in its mantle of green ---- love the imagery here --- a very strong verse, good poetics My father is a dirt farmer He has uplifted the dignity of labor Through his untiring hands That cultivate the farm to be rife with good harvest Making our place a breadbasket. ---- to sum it all up..parental sacrifice at its best. I love my father More than I love farming --- you could not have chosen a better ending, Jordan. You talk a lot about farming in this piece but it is your dad who means more...afterall, he farms for you and your family. This piece was brimming with delicate sounds and delicate touches in keeping with its theme. Well- written! A small correction - In the farmhouse he never long for music ---- longs for music Looking forward to reading more of your work. It was interesting to note that you are 25 years old. I'm 25 years too and have been on the link since 2001. I'm from India. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-21 00:35:08
Excitement	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, An interesting cinquain. It all seem so easy on the surface but I know for sure that composing these kinds of pieces can impose huge challenges. I believe his has to do with satisfying someone and from the looks of it, he/she might be asking for a whole lot. I guess it's all about giving and how much to give...small doses or vast oceans. Well written and I'm sure that this sort of 'excitement' if asked for morn unto night, would keep you very very busy. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-19 01:27:11
Fire on Sinai	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, What a wonderful testament to the magnificence and power of our Creator. I can almost visulaise the restoration of the mighty flames burning magnificently even as He vanquishes yet another impostor. The piece literally burns with power ---- no flame could possibly burn brighter than the flame of God, the sparkling gold of Aaron gives this piece some amazing color...I'm picturing a volcano now. Hebrew 9:4 '..having a golden altar of incense, and the ark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was a golden pot holding the manna, and Aaron's rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant;' Mount Sinai is popularly believed to be the modern day Gebel Musa. The Light chizzled stones collide --- wonderful imagery with Aaron's burnished gold --- i liked this biblical reference; how apt it is In the crescendo, Immutable, Yahveh stands.--- great imagery again...the presence of a victor unscathed Another god is vanquished --- the first one was a calf made of gold and Fire returns to Sinai --- i can picture this fire ablaze again Wonderful Paul. Good conquers evil always and with passion. This was extremely well-written and thought out. Excellent!	2005-08-18 15:29:07
Our Time	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, I must first compliment you on some excellent poetry this month. You have composed these pieces with flair and have stitched your words together beautifuly. Like the three before this, I enjoyed 'Our Time' for its depth and poetic craftsmanship. This was a philosophically tempered piece, full of reflection. The piece leads the reader from a sense of contemplation ('When I face reflection’s demands/To review my motions/Breaths and intentions') to a sense of fulfiment ('My contemplation slowly dissipates, As I look up towards the heavens/Smiling inside/Knowing in this moment/You are my life’s completion.) In interpreting this, I would like to offer two views but will harp more on the first one. This does seem to be personal and beyond the projected philosophy of life...more on the lines of your lover and you and the answers you found within him. The second view is of a very close and personal relationship with a higher power, a divine being. This is equally possible but the title does water this interpretation down. When my life nears the eternal pause,---- a reference to death, eternal pause suggests a final closure When an hour’s meaning Grows deeper and more desperate ---- where the minutes matter more as they are scarce Than my words will ever translate --- nice way to enhance the depth of the fading hours When I face reflection’s demands ---- yes, as the curtains fall, there is a feeling of imposition to look back ---- To review my motions Breaths and intentions,-----love the cadence of these two lines And face the spaces in-between My longings past and desires consumed --- beautfuly stated I pray my journey will be as sweet a reward ---- loved this, the journey equal in its sweetness as the destination > eternal peace/paradise ---- As any destination reached, That my heart will lead me Carry me and keep me Without detour ---- detour (good) Down integrity’s path. Yet lying here Wrapped in your tenderness And devoted embrace ---- personalisation, image of intimacy My contemplation slowly dissipates ---- the answer has you in its arms As I look up towards the heavens Smiling inside, Knowing in this moment You are my life’s completion.--- wonderful way to end the piece, a feeling of immense satisfaction. Very very well written, Audrey. This poem is a package!! Excellent. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-17 15:23:20
The Farmer	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, The Farmer....life giver to countless millions and yet overlooked in a world more caught up with fast cars and tall buildings. In India, the plight of the farmer is a predicament of untold proportions. For people who dedicate their lives to the hunger pangs of more well to do classes of society (millions and millions of citizens), we have failed in our endeavours to make their lives more comfortable. Left to the mercy of freaky weather, we have sidelined them from our streams of national consciousness and have taken them for granted. We owe them a lot more.....in India, they are still made to work with obsolete machinery, ineffective socail welfare schemes, spars education for their children. I can go and on which means I identify with your poem whole heartedly. I love the way you have structured this...with every row turned bringing out the anticipation of rainfall, the confrontation with the drought stricken land around him. You have done justice to his plight. A farmer tills the stricken land ---- stricken land...nice way to describe the drought situation. Under a bright and ancient sun--- ancient sun...evokes the essence of prolonged drought, ever present. He owns furrowed brow and gnarled hand,----good imagery here His days are long and toilsome. He heard sounds of a doleful brook ---- the brook laments in its emptiness...crying with the farmer It's water barely brimmed a cup---- lovely way to describe the almost empty brook. excellent! He saw the waste but feared to look ---- a fear of confronting the reality of the situation The wizened bed had not filled up. He felt the breeze of a sinister wind--- sinister wind (nice) Clouds stirred in a boundless sky--- nice prjection of the expanse of nothing...God's deafness to his call Dolent is earth when dry and skinned He scanned the land with a watchful eye --- watching carefully for any signs of hope..a drop of rain perhaps He waited while clouds gathered The earth crouched and humped in dread --- excellent imagery of the dry earth...old and bent with drought Thunder spoke and leaves withered He slowed his plow, looked overhead. With parted lips and straining eyes he gaped ----parted lips, straining eyes - amazed, shocked,inert The swollen sky broke and sunk where he stood. He felt healing rain as over fields it draped On bended knee he cried and God understood.---- finally, mercy from the heavens above I'm really happy that you wrote this, Marilyn. hardly anyone bothers about where all our food comes from (at least in India). As far as structure is concerned, the meter works fine. I do feel that the last verse stretches a bit and isn't as consistent as the meter of its predecessors. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-14 23:46:28
Flashbacks	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, There is a Gothic under-current in this one but there is also a contrasting element of spirituality and positivty that reflects this piece in a shimmer of light. The element of acstacy to be drawn from death is very evident here - And I pray God’s mercy brings me joy (in death). More than death, the antagonist in this one is 'Life'--- the days grow colder, blackest of nights, mumbling to breadcrumbs, etc. The longing to escape into the realm where all is peaceful is best reflected in verses 1 and 5. They sandwich the torment of verses 2,3 and 4. Blackest of nights Darkest of fears Reborn, relived. This poem, these words, A revolving door of relentlessness;----well stated, restlessness depicted as being cyclic The gateway to my airtight rattled mind ---- nice imagery Intricately lined in tapestries Of lemon yellow, gangrene and crimson blood----- good use of color to enhance the imagery (gangrene, yellow, crimson) Packed full of colossal costs,----nice alliteration here Tailor made failures and the aftermath Of you.---these last three lines clue the reader in as to where the poets thoughts are spawning from I am the winter inescapable!---winter evokes images of dreariness, vacancy In the midst of this summer’s valiant flight The days grow colder, More callus and shallow now And my genius fades quicker now---genius..a probable allusion to the 'spark' of one's existence My eyes rarely meet the natural light ----trapped within the darkness of suffering As I ramble on and out Tongue-tied and twisted Mumbling to breadcrumbs of my fleeting sanity ---sanity reduced to bread crumbs...nice use In the still of the night. Another deep and evocative poem. Well done again!! The poem flowed comfortably and the title 'flashbacks' suggests that these are snippets from a period gone by...not necessarily the one at hand. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-14 12:24:51
Paula's Paris	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, It's a priviledge to have stumbled upon one of your poems and it's even more thrilling to find that you have more than one submission this month. What you did with 'shoes' in a previous poem of yours has left a very deep impression in my mind and I am confident that this 'Paula's Paris' will meet the expectations :-) Well, you certainly do a very good job at creating romance in words... 'I lie back in the hot June sun, between your legs and bare feet. I know how lucky a man I am! With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair.' Paula seems to have set your spirit free and this is often what love does to all of us. I gathered this from your allusion to the image of you looking through the window pane and the following imagery of you standing on the palm of the Buddha. This is a very innovative contrast. Well done here. Now, you've given us a very fine opening with a very descriptive body of the piece but the ending might just call for a closer look if you ever consider revising this or adding to the richness of the start. 'Kiss me one more time and, tell me that you will be mine. Things will go our way, we will have many a sweet summers day! ---this might seem a little cliche at this stage. Nevertheless, the meter is fine and I enjoyed the delicate rhyme scheme adopted. It gives this piece a happy, musical feel in keeping with the emotions you seek to convey. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-14 11:21:49
Love	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, You've captured the depth of the word and the essence behind the emotion of it and have done a fantastic job of doing so. 'Love' immerses all of us...it makes (and sometimes breaks) all that we truly live for and your description of it as a 'freefall' is spot on. You've improvised on this by depicting this freefall in the structure of your poem thereby enhancing the thought to be conveyed to your reader. You've done the same with your depiction of the 'depth' of the emotions that this word evokes. Aptly titled Love (to the point), I am sure that the boy 'eternally etched into and under' your skin will be proud that you have captured your feelings for him with flair. Another fine piece of writing from you. Very well done! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-14 11:03:29
Contradictions	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, In a nutshell, this was beautifuly written! Concise and expressive with rich imagery to draw in the reader, this is an aptly titled poem that conveys sentiments that most of us feel in these times of 'contradictions'. These days are filled with life’s contradictions, Stacked high on sun stained shelves of experience, Like books begging to be read. ----- very well said. 'sun stained shelves of experience' carries with it great alliterative sounds and innovative and original metaphor. I cannot taste the sweet honeyed relief of change Without suffering the bitter ill ease of stagnation. ------ you said it right. In order to achieve the grand prize (those precious moments in life) there is suffering to be endured. This verse highlights how easy it is to stagnate, how the impatience builds till the desired change is achieved. 'sweet honeyed relief of change' --- again, good metaphor. I cannot savor the bountiful beauty of love Without knowing the depths of loss’s reach. ------ 'bountiful beauty of love' -- nice alliteration and cntrast between 'having' and 'losing' and the contrary depth of loss. I must bear the harsh cruelties of winter’s rein To appreciate the kindness of spring’s warm embrace ------ winter's rein contrasted with spring's warm embrace. Winter rules like a tyrant while spring comes upon us with a welcoming hug. I must endure the biting sorrow of death’s greed To live gratefully each day in joyful charity. ------ the stifling loom of death contrasted with the charity of life...and what a thin line exists between the two..life is accurately depicted as charitable. These days are filled with life’s contradictions, A timeless story weaving, unfolding As we turn the pages. ----- just like the words contained in a book..so is it with life...our experiences become pages and devlop between the ups and downs of life. This was excellent! Carefuly chosen words, great meter..all in all well crafted, Audrey. A package!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-14 07:53:22
Earth Spirit	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, In this world, where vision is short sighted, where feelings are limited, where hearts are full of hate, greed and what not, we often ignore the genius of creation and its power to heal and influence. Contrary to this, we mar it, break it down for personal gain and cause it untold suffering. In the end, we are all really hurting ourselves as it is imperative that we leave this earth the way we found it. Yet, the current ecological balance suggests otherwise. Your poem 'earth spirit', opens a window to the infinite beauty of the world that has been bestowed on us and I see a spiritual angle here as well. After all, nature is God's personal work of art, resplendent and brilliant in every possible way. And it speaks to the depths of our souls, 'You will hear the earth spirit'. You have encouraged your readers to embrace this gift, to listen without talking for the silence speaks (we humans tend to do all the talking), to turn in every direction possible with open arms and just breathe in the magnificence. Turn east And be warmed by the rising sun Turn south And find many wonderous things Turn north And feel the cool night air Turn west And be calmed by the setting sun You have directed your readers to the depths of the rivers and to the peaks of the highest mountains...How I wish I could do this right away and soar..but lack easy access. Nevertheless, I will leave it to my imagination to transport me. The flow and structure works well. I don't think it's necessary for an apostrophe in 'it's...just 'its' would suffice. Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.	2005-08-07 07:57:34
The Red Hat	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, You have a lamp in your hand...the alley is probably as dark as it gets....but there is a lot going on....hammers and chisels working stone tablets...the poets are definitely wide awake. I have often tried to get to the roots of poetry and what spurs it as an art-form. In doing so, I found myself merely re-dsiocvering all that encompassed me. I believe, as poets, we are all of the same feather...or lets say birds with different feathers. Nonetheless, there is a very visible common strand running through us all. Have I been able to undestand it? I haven't. Infact I tend to question it when the hours get lonely, when the pain pinches, when a stranger chuckles at what I do out of incomprehension. yet, I know that in order to do full justice to the art and to the thoughts that make it possible, loneliness is the key ingredient. This loneliness could be spent with nature, oneself or a lover....but that there is loneliness involved is without doubt. I completely identify with your curiosity. You have already discovered so much. I for one, cannot leave the world alone. I hold it in the palm of my hand...free to write about it the way I want to...but I cannot conquer it or re-shape it...not as easily as I would like...It's made of iron. I always have a store for thoughts creeping up my mind...it's very rarely parchment...i either use my cell phone or my puter but this is true - we can never let go off a sight, sound, or thought that grabs us. We are fidgety. Thirdly, a poem is never complete. We are fussy gardeners. The shrubs are never clipped or cut good enough, there's always a little more watering and sowing to be done..alwasy a new seed waiting to sprout shoots, etc. This is like looking into a mirror of words and you understand your peers and friends so clearly!! You titled this 'Red Hat' and this is interesting. I believe this has to do with identity or being unique as poets and as a poet within a world of poets. It might also have to do with YOUR thoughts about the world of poetry and what makes and drives poetry Thankyou for this amazing post. Looking forward to more, next month. Hope all is well with you. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-07 07:08:56
Sigh	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, A lovely cinquain...full of the power of love, brimming with the effect of being touched by its blessings through moments of loneliness and sorrow, 'you give sublime pleasure to my melancholy soul'. 'Sigh' builds on the effect of expecting the unexpected when all seems lost, relief when everything seems so cumbersome. This was full of feeling and you have done very well to say all this in the constraints of this type of poetic form. As always, looking forward to reading more of your work. Take care, Duane.	2005-08-01 00:00:15
Healing the Breach	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, This was a powerful piece with a deep political shade that draws the readers into your perceptions of double standards in the current u.s dispensation in washington d.c and the embarassment slapped on the iraqi people of having a foreign power, re-write its political future. To begin with, there were no weapons of mass destruction...or stocks of biological weapons and while I do feel strongly against the Saddam Hussein tyranny, there is a feeling within many that the charge to battle versus Iraq had ulterior motives. Today, the U.S is still ever present and one often wonders if it will remain that way forever. In the bargain, innocent lives are lost on both sides which is a strong cause for frustration. I like the meter in your first four missiles and the sarcasm within them. They read as if presing a detonation button. And the sarcasm lies in the fact that there were no long range missiles of catostrophic proportions or even biological weapons. Your allusion to white house video games highlights your perception of how casual wars seem. It is very easy for people to declare wars and invasions but the cost to the lives of the brave soldiers and their families is immense and often tragic. This was a well-packaged poem that looks at the issue from very poignant angles...from the lies to the broken egos of the iraqi's. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-29 15:14:43
Bob's Name Is Roger	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This was tragic and through the tragedy of it all we have with us, the spirit of a man who lived to inspire...who inspires even in his death. Bob's selfless service at the shelter, his cheer amidst adversity, his positivity and undettered faith in God (he was a reverend, if i'm not mistaken), give us a lot to be greatful for. In a world hogged by violence, jealousy and hate, it is these smaller unknown lives that loom great in our eyes. There is no doubt that Bob has found a dazzling place of refuge in paradise and will live there forever as a testament to God's greatness and His victory over death. Yes, there wasn't a chocolate cake or a trip to France but there can be no greater gift from one to another or to himself than inspiration and steadfastness in spirit and faith. You have written this beautifully Marilyn. You have opened a window into the life of a great human being and in doing so have given all of us a yardstick to measure our own greatness and purpose here on earth. May Bob's soul rest in peace. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-27 23:45:13
The Dark Side	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, You have given your readers a very realistic and appealing sense of the horrors of a night such as this. I'm sure there isn't a single person on the face of this earth who hasn't experienced the 'dark side' one way or another and the experience you refer to is as spooky as it gets! The stage is perfectly set with a howling night, shattered dreams, voice without sounds (indication of supression or overwhelming silence), fear, vast expanses of nothing (endless thought, halls without doors, seas without shores), the presence of a demon, etc. I liked the rhyme in this one. The meter works wonders with giving this piece a kind of thumping beat that tends to spur the poem towards a climax....like a racing heart pulse...good job in this area. You could choose a stronger adjective for the demon though..cunning tends to dilute the intensity. If you replace 'broken dreams' with 'shattered dreams' you would get a nice alliterative sound between screams and shattered and shattered is also more dramatic. YOu could also try 'splattered' if 'shattered' seems too cliche. Keep writing, Marilyn. Looking forward to reading more :-) Take care, Duane.	2005-07-26 01:51:09
Cherry Blossom Melody	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Jana, This is a wonderful tribute to all the great teachers the world over who have influenced us on a general or personal level. Teachers are in many ways, the roots of our existence and navigate our ships to the shores of knowledge...they may be persons, inspirational books, they may even be life and its experiences. The piece is indeed music from your 'melic heart', even as you celebrate our great teachers and if you have done a good job in terms of poetics in ensuring that this piece sings. Strong use of alliterative sounds - my/melic/music, softly/shimmers/symphonic/splendor/sparks/soul contribute to the musical sounds of the piece. Okage Sama De adds an exotic touch to this piece and exalts the importance of the teacher being reserved only for this great group of people. 'I am what I am because of you' - a beautiful ending to a well-written piece, final in its assertion that we would nowhere without the guidance of our gurus. Your title is interesting - 'Cherry blossom melody'. This could allude to the richness of the theme, or the appreciation for your teacher or just a manifestation of the beauty of it all. And you seemed to have structured this to reflect the ebb and flow of a musical note or musical wave. Well-written, again!! P.S - I'd love to share some thoughts on life in Calcutta. I will email you shortly. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-24 08:22:19
Epiphany	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, This visibly tiny piece is inflated with depth. While Haikus have traditionally dealt with themes based on nature, you've transcended the norm by involving society and have given your readers a 'wake up' window to the world they live in. Epiphany has been defined as "A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization". In the words of Frank Maier, "I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself”. Your poem reveals a world has long lived under the umbrella of an illusion. The reality of the divisions in our societies or the inconsistencies with which sections of society are treated, seem to be camouflaged within the illuminated color of 'ALL IS WELL'. However, under the painted picture of supposed colored rainbows, social harmony is divided between black and white. Of course, this is a perspective of your impression of life in the U.S.A but is universally applicable the world over, where the causes of minorities are shrugged under the carpet. As an expression of your growing frustration, you desire to see a 'real' rainbow for a change not an illusive one that under the surface is colored in 'strands of black and white'. I loved the way you tackled this theme. Rainbows signify a promise and by using rainbows to effect your theme, we realize that the promise (in this case, equal rights or greater justice to the minorities in america) have failed or have been delivered in a half-hearted manner. This was beautifuly written!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-24 01:35:30
Full Of Crap	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, There is much food for thought in this one and your title is as intriguing as the body of the poem. For certain, this poem is not 'Full of crap'. The first three verses speak of a delicate balance in a human being on a metaphysical level. You ponder over the balance between good and evil. Is there any particular philosophy you are highlighting? While it is true that without knowledge of what is bad, one would never truly appreciate the good, there is an apprehension as to whether this must necessarily be a balance of the two in the life of a human being. Your next three verses question this. Verse 4 talks about complete goodness in a human and the possibility of it. 'Would some of the good then be bad' - springing from your idea in the first three verses. But this is not necessarily the case which drives me back to question, Is there any particular philosophy you are addressing? Persian philosophy addresses the spirit of good and evil and how the balance flip flops between the two but I am not sure if it is the one you allude to. I persoanlly feel it is possible for one to be wholly good. Of course, to know good, he would have to know evil; but knowledge of evil is very different from being bad from within. The same applies for verse 5. Verse 6 brings this balance to fore. I'm not even sure if bad balances all the good, Dellena. Sometimes, we find an imbalance, especially in today's world where bad things take precedence. There is even-Stevens in natural order and yin and yang but I'm not sure if it is applicable here. The world would be doomed. You end with 'I don't even know the reason'. But is this the case? This was very interesting and if this has come from an established philosophy, do enlighten me :-) I liked the flow in this one with the rhyme. However, the rhyme was absent in the first and second verse..it is not as apparent as the ones following, which breaks in the uniformity. Interesting read, Dellena!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-16 23:23:29
The Back Side of the Moon	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, There is a wealth of depth and feeling in this piece...there is a sense of sorrow, of resilience, of hope, of anger. This, coupled with the poetic genius in your craft, pulls it all together in a package that caters to your reader on an emotional an artistic front. In poetry, none of these can ever work separately. Art without feeling is senseless and feeling without art is no art at all. You have always got this balance just right in giving your readers a very high and captivating standard of poetry along with very real feelings. Torment is as available as the air around us. Sad, but true, it seems as if it is forced on us like an unmarketable piece of junk, whose seller simply must send it away...not for money but for an even higher price. It chews into our lives on myriad levels, some tolerable, some unimaginable. In the most extreme cases, turmoil and suffering even takes life away. Yet, as unfair as it is, some of us (including me) are leeched by it,made to live with it, endure it and fight epic battles to get rid of it. Some of us never succeed and some of us do, with a trail of scars for memories. For some, it strikes in our futures, for some, it is a thing of our pasts but no matter when it strikes, it strikes with the furor of an earthquake. The sense of longing and resolve is very strong in this piece. It starts out with desire and works it's way into determination much like a person gearing up for battle. You are a soldier in life's mean battlefield and you long to have your freedom back. I believe it is most frustrating to have and then lose than to not have at all. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring'. I am able to picture you by a window drifting to the world of freedom you mention in this piece, only to be shunted from your thoughts as the 'bright yolk of light in my window, brings you back to the prison of reality. 'I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star' - I find these lines very inteesting, Mell. They seem to favor night over day. I will spend some time analysing this. You wish to dent or cut the daylight and grab the sparkle of the evening star. Daylight here represents reality and your reality in the piece would allude to the torment and sorrow in your life. The sun appears as this overwhelming ball of fire, cruel in its blaze and undettered...it never flinches. On the other hand, there is the evening star, eye candy in the sky, sparkling and tiny, much like a large gem in a treasure chest of jewellery. Gash also represents a sense of anger and frustration. There is more comfort in sleep than in waking, only to begin our gargantuan routines all over again and for those who are trapped in phases of torture, these routines couldn't get any worse. Venus is commonly referred to as the 'evening star'. Venus is also the Goddess of Love. I love the contrast between daylight and the evening star. 'Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff.' Freedom rings loud and clear in these lines. You long to reach for the beautifuly colored opaline sky and dash with terns. Terns are also referred to as sea swallows and are a lot quicker than their larger counterparts - the gulls. 'Dash' represents a burning desire to just break loose and skim above the very world that holds you captive. Freedom can best be represented by the songs of the bird and the desire you exhibit to find your place among a line of birds on a tree branch, is profound. Likening this alignment to notes on a staff is brilliant!! 'I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea.' The battle is brewing up in these lines with your longing taking on the form of compulsion and resolve. It is as if the preceding thoughts in the first four lines of the poem have inticed you enough and enhanced your sense of longing to the point of frustration. 'Fling back waves', these words best sum up the battle at hand. Waves are powerful forces..and the image of you flinging them back reveals a warrior who will not take 'no' for an answer. Also, 'Fly high with paired doves at sea' is deep and interesting as it represents a seeking of companionship and love..a desire to be part of a larger group or a complete revulsion for the isolation you find yourself in. Flying to the sea represets a fleeing from the troubles of the life you live..a complete getaway to a fresh beginning. 'A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing.' I'll tie this in with your first verse about gashing the daylight. Night is the clear favorite here as the 'bright yolk' shoves you out of your thoughts and sits you back on the chair of hardship. I love, 'bright yolk of light in my window'. Innovative indeed!! The hardships of this relaity translate themselves as poetic expression. The reality is an alarm call to the fact that the wait thus far has been in vain. The broken wing suggests a hampered freedom and your reference to the pain of the 'thing' seem to alienise this suffering reducing it to a low mantle...again a sign of revulsion for the suffering you endure. I did feel that 'thing' might seem forced but it does take on an important significance. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.' Hope shines forth here and an ending filled with resolve. 'Pouring reels of word rays'- the poems will keep coming, the prayers will keep rising all the way into the heavens above. Mell, you are an inspiration not only in terms of being a brilliant poet (for that is a small part of human existence) but for being a larger than life person who has endured so much but still manages to inspire others with resilience. My phase has just begun and it could last forever (one never knows) but thanks to the inspirations in life, I might be able to draw respite. Technically, this poem was well crafted and I particularly liked th rhyme in it. The piece sang like an anthem for many of us who are able to identify with its theme. 'The Back side of the moon'. The title is interesting and there might be several reasons for you to have chosen it. For me (and I may be wrong), the back side of the moon could represent the other side of night which is daylight. Daylight does play a big part in your execution of the theme. On the other hand, it could be the unseen side, the side hidden away. This was a complete and emotionally drivn piece, Mell. I pray that this phase ends and that you will soar again. This is for sure - you soar in terms of giving others inspiration and that comes as a blessing to all who know what it is like to be tormented. Excellent piece of writing! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-16 08:49:23
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