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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Duane J Jackson	Critique Date
The Back Side of the Moon	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, There is a wealth of depth and feeling in this piece...there is a sense of sorrow, of resilience, of hope, of anger. This, coupled with the poetic genius in your craft, pulls it all together in a package that caters to your reader on an emotional an artistic front. In poetry, none of these can ever work separately. Art without feeling is senseless and feeling without art is no art at all. You have always got this balance just right in giving your readers a very high and captivating standard of poetry along with very real feelings. Torment is as available as the air around us. Sad, but true, it seems as if it is forced on us like an unmarketable piece of junk, whose seller simply must send it away...not for money but for an even higher price. It chews into our lives on myriad levels, some tolerable, some unimaginable. In the most extreme cases, turmoil and suffering even takes life away. Yet, as unfair as it is, some of us (including me) are leeched by it,made to live with it, endure it and fight epic battles to get rid of it. Some of us never succeed and some of us do, with a trail of scars for memories. For some, it strikes in our futures, for some, it is a thing of our pasts but no matter when it strikes, it strikes with the furor of an earthquake. The sense of longing and resolve is very strong in this piece. It starts out with desire and works it's way into determination much like a person gearing up for battle. You are a soldier in life's mean battlefield and you long to have your freedom back. I believe it is most frustrating to have and then lose than to not have at all. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring'. I am able to picture you by a window drifting to the world of freedom you mention in this piece, only to be shunted from your thoughts as the 'bright yolk of light in my window, brings you back to the prison of reality. 'I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star' - I find these lines very inteesting, Mell. They seem to favor night over day. I will spend some time analysing this. You wish to dent or cut the daylight and grab the sparkle of the evening star. Daylight here represents reality and your reality in the piece would allude to the torment and sorrow in your life. The sun appears as this overwhelming ball of fire, cruel in its blaze and undettered...it never flinches. On the other hand, there is the evening star, eye candy in the sky, sparkling and tiny, much like a large gem in a treasure chest of jewellery. Gash also represents a sense of anger and frustration. There is more comfort in sleep than in waking, only to begin our gargantuan routines all over again and for those who are trapped in phases of torture, these routines couldn't get any worse. Venus is commonly referred to as the 'evening star'. Venus is also the Goddess of Love. I love the contrast between daylight and the evening star. 'Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff.' Freedom rings loud and clear in these lines. You long to reach for the beautifuly colored opaline sky and dash with terns. Terns are also referred to as sea swallows and are a lot quicker than their larger counterparts - the gulls. 'Dash' represents a burning desire to just break loose and skim above the very world that holds you captive. Freedom can best be represented by the songs of the bird and the desire you exhibit to find your place among a line of birds on a tree branch, is profound. Likening this alignment to notes on a staff is brilliant!! 'I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea.' The battle is brewing up in these lines with your longing taking on the form of compulsion and resolve. It is as if the preceding thoughts in the first four lines of the poem have inticed you enough and enhanced your sense of longing to the point of frustration. 'Fling back waves', these words best sum up the battle at hand. Waves are powerful forces..and the image of you flinging them back reveals a warrior who will not take 'no' for an answer. Also, 'Fly high with paired doves at sea' is deep and interesting as it represents a seeking of companionship and love..a desire to be part of a larger group or a complete revulsion for the isolation you find yourself in. Flying to the sea represets a fleeing from the troubles of the life you live..a complete getaway to a fresh beginning. 'A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing.' I'll tie this in with your first verse about gashing the daylight. Night is the clear favorite here as the 'bright yolk' shoves you out of your thoughts and sits you back on the chair of hardship. I love, 'bright yolk of light in my window'. Innovative indeed!! The hardships of this relaity translate themselves as poetic expression. The reality is an alarm call to the fact that the wait thus far has been in vain. The broken wing suggests a hampered freedom and your reference to the pain of the 'thing' seem to alienise this suffering reducing it to a low mantle...again a sign of revulsion for the suffering you endure. I did feel that 'thing' might seem forced but it does take on an important significance. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.' Hope shines forth here and an ending filled with resolve. 'Pouring reels of word rays'- the poems will keep coming, the prayers will keep rising all the way into the heavens above. Mell, you are an inspiration not only in terms of being a brilliant poet (for that is a small part of human existence) but for being a larger than life person who has endured so much but still manages to inspire others with resilience. My phase has just begun and it could last forever (one never knows) but thanks to the inspirations in life, I might be able to draw respite. Technically, this poem was well crafted and I particularly liked th rhyme in it. The piece sang like an anthem for many of us who are able to identify with its theme. 'The Back side of the moon'. The title is interesting and there might be several reasons for you to have chosen it. For me (and I may be wrong), the back side of the moon could represent the other side of night which is daylight. Daylight does play a big part in your execution of the theme. On the other hand, it could be the unseen side, the side hidden away. This was a complete and emotionally drivn piece, Mell. I pray that this phase ends and that you will soar again. This is for sure - you soar in terms of giving others inspiration and that comes as a blessing to all who know what it is like to be tormented. Excellent piece of writing! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-16 08:49:23
Texas Toast	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Jana, 'Texas Toast' - an apt title that prepares the reader for a very scorching walk through the sun-interrupted garden you so vividly describe. And though there is a sense of 'withering' throughout the piece due to the sun's overwhelming influence, the beauty of it all cannot go unnoticed....owing to the masterful way in which you choose to write about it or owing to the intriguing manner in which nature takes its course. I feel it is a wonderfully synchronized combination and blend of both. I will not pull up anything in particular about what I liked most or what I liked least about the poem as it is as complete and well-thought out as can be and delivers on all fronts in giving the reader a very thorough experience. You do have a way about creating an ambience!! It must have been a very large garden to have accomodate all this vegetation, the hens, etc. You might also be alluding to the effect on natural vegetation in the state in general but this is less likely. Whatever it be, you have given your readers a sense of the toaster in Texas during the heatwave. We had a heat-wave here in Calcutta this summer and it was unbearbale. Things are a lot more comfortable with the onset of the monsoons. A very well-crafted piece with good form, rich language and pristine imagery!! P.S - At this stage you might be out of town owing to the hurricane. I do hope that all is well. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-16 06:05:58
Another Bronx Day	Jesus Manuel Lopez	Hi Jesus, Our childhoods will always be etched with images and sounds, triumphs and disasters, happiness and sorrows. These are the formative years of our existence on this troubled Earth and leave their impact on our futures. Of these formative years, the teenage ones are when we are at our most vulnerable in terms of mind, body and spirit. Our defences are weaker as we stand on the threshold between adolescence and adulthood. It is then easier for life to leave its impressions ansd several of these impressions are scars left in our memories. It is no surprise then that you are easily transported back to the days when you too were a teen in a troubled neighborhood when growing up was hounded by the fear of not knowing if one would even live another day. Not only is your poem vivid and gripping in terms of your experiences in those days but also in its social relevance. We have all heard of life in the Bronx and the hardship endued by its residents. Bronx today has beome a part of American lore and social identity. 'the bored Bronx sun watched with humid eye' There is more depth in this verse than meets the eyes. It is apt that you allude to the sun as being bored. This line caries significance in the fact that life in the Bronx never seemed to get better. Violence led to violence, insecurity led to insecurity in a viscious circle of uncertainty. The sun sees all things and grows sorrowful but increasingly helpless towards this endless turmoil- 'watched with humid eye'. 'a brownish boy running praying crying dying collapsing half-on half-off the curb and melting street' You make some fine tuning in this verse by alluding to the boy's skin color. In doing this, you give your reader a more precise understanding of the bronx identity and draw him towards a particular section of american society. You thereby localise the theme and enhance the impact. The fear and heartlessness of all that this piece stands for seems to peak here with the escaping boy, literlally petrified at the danger that is about to end his life on earth. The heat generated by his fear and his will to flee seems to melt the street - if this is what you intended by using 'melting street' it is interesting and intelligent!! 'a crowd gathered like curious buzzards around him mesmerized by the growing red stain on his shirt a football huddle blocked the withering sun and watched as life ebbed all this over a bicycle' What I found most striking in this verse is the fact that this seems to be happening amidst the regular flow of life - 'the football huddle (there was a football game in progress) and the regular pedestrians on the pavements who crowd to take stock of this hunt. Isn't it haunting that eyes watch helplessly as the life of another ebbs away?. You could not have had a more powerful ending than 'a bicycle'. It all seems so simple and yet we readers know that a life was lost over it. Infact, your ending is a tight slap in the face of humanity. It's just disgusting that our material objects are som much more precious than the lives of our fellow-men. I liked the way you kept this piece so simple in terms of poetics and language and still managed to give it a very strong appeal. Thankyou for this insight into 'Another bronx day'. Judging by your title, you have given us just one instance of all the suffering, hardships and poverty in residence there. This was a powerful piece and a definite eye-opener. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-15 23:58:38
Beauty in the eyes of the beholder	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Another deep one from you. This poem addresses self-acceptance on the one hand and the desire to 'fit in' on the other. Mirrors are as sacred as our Bibles, especially in this day and age when the 'look' or the 'attitude' is all that it takes to make or break a person. We spend a longer amount of time staring at the mirrors rather than staring at our hearts. A world that needs a touch of healing has been overcome by the need to look 'good'. Receptiveness has also been hijacked on the basis of what we 'see' ina person. Appearance qualifies a person and the heart is often lost in the background. All said and done, the need to seek approval from another and the act of approving based on certain set parameters only inhibits the freedom of the spirit and encloses it in a prison of subjugation. I'll vie for your attention and acceptance. If you like me, you'll stroke me with approval. Approval being the act of liking me, because I'm 'good'! This poem also emphasises the lengths we sometimes go through to fit the mould. We strive to get the measurements just right and as the ones seeking to accept another, we look for the fulfilment of our blueprints. With elocution, tethered, poised, trained, and confident I'll vie for your attention and acceptance. You have laid out this piece very well through your depiction of a lady doing herself up to look 'good'. The theme is carried in commendable fashion and drives the point home without a hitch. Sadly, this piece reflects a reality and there is much that we need to do to change it. Character is all that matters....but how many of us realise it. Well written, Dellena!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-14 08:34:29
London Bridges	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, The bomb blasts in London came as a terrible surprise to my family here in India, when the news began breaking. My grandmother lives in London and the thought of terror in her city made us worry. We were able to get in touch with her later in the day and were glad to find that all was well. Sadly though, there were deaths and many more casualties. Someone may have lost a mother, someone may have lost her husband....the tragedy of it all is depressing. Terrorism has eaten its way into the fabric of peaceful society and with no definite answer to its curse, all we innocents have are questions that give birth to more questions. Your poem London Bridges, creates a link of consolation, encouragement and support to the innocent people of London and raises a volley of questions. The backdrop to these questions is confusion. From religion, leadership, factual evidences, nationalities, etc to weaponry, alarms systems, peace pacts and terrorists themselves, the questions become cyclic in nature and merely pile up. Infact, the manner in which the piece is presented represents a kind of stagnation....it seems to go nowhere, which as intended raises a bigger question over the heads of our leaders? The summary question to all of this would be "what on earth is going on?". The social relevance of the piece shines through!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-13 07:38:00
A Spiritual Decision	Latorial D. Faison	HI Latorial! His love for us wa sdeclared time and time again in the Bible culminating in the ultimate act of sacrifice for all of mankind's sins on the Cross of Calvary. He has built a home for the faithful in the heavens above and has promised eternity as an everlasting award. 'That I might one day fly away from here, Above worldly moments to a lifetime so dear'. 'Spiritual Decision' reflects on a matter of choice and making the right one. And yes, this choice might involve choosing the 'narrow and straight' over comfort but in the end, it is written that the reward would be great. You bring yourself out of hiding from Him in this piece and reaffirm your belief that His way is THE way. You drive a point home (not only to your readers but to yourself) that it's a matter of choice and the cross must be borne personally. This is a spiritually driven piece overflowing with hope. This could be tuned to music as the rhyming couplets tend to sing in praise. Was looking out for your pieces this month...am glad your posting!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-12 19:04:18
Inner Peace	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, In a world pregnant with torment, hate, poverty and corruption, inner peace would certainly be a rarity of sorts, an oddity. It is strange that in a life meant to be fruitful, suffering becomes a cell in the blood stream and llingers without deterrence. However, for those who hope and pray, who strive to beat the odds stacked against them, inner peace, though difficult to achieve, does become a welcome reality. Your poem, inner peace, is a piece replete with appreciation and relief at your struggle to find this blessing and harmonise with the distant world around you. You achieved inner peace, you have suffered and been tormented in your life, you know therefore, that the fruits of its existence are sweet. The title is perfect and final. I sincerely pray that this wonerful feeling lasts forever because you deserve it. Your first verse provides a stage for the onset of inner peace. You liken it to a startling moonbeam - surprising yet gorgeous and scintillating. I found a special interest in your use of the word 'startling'. This was a good addition as it signifies the surprise factor in your discovery and it also throws a lot of light on your past. Infact, the struggles became such a pa rt and parcel of your existence that the dawn of inner peace literally startled you. All said and done, you acknowledge the new found blessing as welcome in every way. The second verse reflects on a resolve and a confrontation with struggles. You come to terms with the fact that it is necessary to accept life's travails as impostors and that the only way forward is to shove them aside. Again, use of windblown brow is interesting. It seems that the sudden gust of inner peace unsettled some hair. Good imagery here. The feeling sinks through, in verse 3. What was long desired rests as a prize in the seat of mind and heart. The world that wore a character of being harsh and intolerant seems to have become softer. This is also representation of harmonization between inner self and the world around. The last 5 lines of verse 3 is a perfect ending to this piece, leaving the reader with the images of turmoil being hushed or wiped away, from the floating in of mists to moisten the dry parts, calming of the tides and feeding the jaws of hunger. The last line stands on its own in terms of its depth and what the poet wants to convey. The onset of inner peace is likened to a mystery...is it due to the wonder of medication or is it because the poet had given up on it due to the endless suffering and restlessness she has endured. What isn't a mystery is that this most sought after feeling in the world today was found and we wish that this feeling never leaves you. Debbie, you are a warrior. One doesn't need to do battle in a battlefield to be called brave or courageous. Life itself is a battle and you have strived to attain this piece. You are a shining example to all of us who seek the very same feeling. Thanks for sharing this emotionally driven piece!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-12 08:57:20
Haiku on Midsummer	Joyce P. Hale	Hi Joyce! Precisely. Haikus stretch the imagination and when written well and thoughtfully, compact an ocean of wealth to perfection even within its metrical limitations. I love haiku too!! You have done a commendable job in presenting this as the aural, free piece that this is and you have chosen the setting of a midsummer night to bring your theme to dance before your readers senses. There is a presence of magic, liberal spirits rampantly gracing their stage and a search for/ seeking out of unsuspecting souls. Unwary souls also indirectly refers to how overcome people are at this time of day..completely drenched in the magic. True to its 7-5-7 beat, this haiku makes an impact and one will have to admit, it isn't easy fitting an ocean into a pond. Well done. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-11 08:49:20
I Wonder	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, There is nothing comparable to waking up peacefuly to the greetings of a beautiful world replete with freshness, color, sounds of nature, whiffs of aroma (be it coffee or the dampness of falling rain), etc. You have captured this beauty perfectly and have employed rich poetic technique in making this poem reveal itself in the mind of your reader as the unfurling of a painting...only paintings can't capture the sense of smell and sound. I'll call this poem a package!! SIGHT-----the sightless trees, the peeking sun, sonorous hues SOUND-----trilling birds, distant hounds barking, the wail of a siren SMELL-----saucy coffee, dampness of rain, TOUCH-----'smooth my bed' The language in this is rich but simple and the poem flowed well without hindrance, doing justice to the gradual unfurling of morn. Of course, the theme of this poem does not rest solely in depicting the perfect morning. It infact draws into contrast the inevitability of night and the uncertainty of life. Will we ever wake up the following day to greet what we greeted today. It is a thought which plays on most of our minds and i feel that part of your intention was to paint this perfect picture to tell your readers to appreciate it while it lasts. Very thought provoking. An excellent poem, Marilyn. I always appreciate the way you use rich language and make it sound so beautiful and simple. Great job!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-10 09:16:40
Mr. Moon	Joyce P. Hale	Hi Joyce, In my world, the moon takes precedence over the sun. I have always been lured by its charm and mystique, it's aura of secrecy and it's symbol of passion. It has also been immortalised in many a religion as a spiritual force, especially in pagan ones. The world would never be the same without it. As a 16 or 17 year old I remember writing a poem with exactly the same title. It was about a boy (me) in conversation with Mr.Moon and had to do with loneliness and nowhere to turn to. I am amazed to find a poem with exactly the same title...with different content of course and I'm immediately transported some 9 yeatrs back to the past. Nevertheless, coming to the review of your piece, I m,ust say that you have chosen a very apt title. You make it all very persoanl. It's not just any moon..it's Mr.Moon and this personalisation ties in well with the theme and content of your piece. Mister also denotes authority and there is no doubt in the poem that the moon went about creating the perfect setting for love to flourish. He gazed upon our joy sublime and lullabied our sleep. He told the stars to hush their song and keep the lovelight low;////// The moon did bid the nightflower shed its sweet perfume to scent the breeze, Love flourishes in this poem as the perfect setting...the stars low lovelight, the moon's very own lullaby, nightsounds, white-capped waves, nightflower she's sweet perfume all contribute to ensure that the pinnacle of romance is achieved. What was alo intweresting to note in this romantic poem, is the moon's conscious effort to ensure that the poet and her lover have all the privacy they need and that all goes well and according to plan. The moon plays hide and seek behind the trees...this in itself tells us about the shroud of secrecy and mysticism associated with the moon. Coming to the poetics of the piece, the job you have done is commendable..as stated earlier, the setting is perfectly romantic and enables the reader to feel it as he reads through. There are vivid visuals combined with hushed audio....not to mention the sense of smell. Senses have been well catered to. The flow is okay but I would recommend removing 'golden' in the last line of the first verse as there might be additional syllables in there that tend to stretch the meter. Just my opinion but do check around. You will be sacrificing the 'golden' shade if you do so..and 'golden' is a nice touch. Well written!! Did you know that legally, one is able to procure property on the moon? Amazing, isn't it? Take care, Duane.	2005-07-09 23:26:39
Smile	marilyn terwilleger	HI Marilyn, I love the magnetism in this glittering cinquain offering. In all of God's creation, is there anything more magnetic than a smile? Smiles have moved mountains, made ends meet, fluffed hearts...broken them, impressed and encouraged. Smiles are powerful. Aptly titled 'Smiles', the poem brings out and highlights the reassuring, encouraging and warming influence of a smile...its ability to turn darkness to light and creating a chain reaction of positivity whereby the recipient of a smile almost always returns it in kind. I especially notice the reactive flow to this piece and the amazing influence a smile can have on another. The poem begins with 'you smile' and interestingly ends with 'I smile'. This is very realistic. I don't know how many people actually resist paying a smile back with a smile. Very few. The smile is likened to the glitter of the 'gold sun'. Yes, smiles do have the potential of lighting up entire worlds. There is a strong sense of giving in this piece. The harmony shines through. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.	2005-07-08 09:52:13
Depending on What Is Is	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Corruption in high places. This is why the world will never advance to the levels envisioned by many of the great leaders of the past, this is the very reason that a million people must go to bed hungry, that hundreds of people have their homes blown away by man spurned fire....I feel very strongly on this issue and you have taken your readers to the very heart of it all...for this is where the problems originate. And while it may not be specific to the particular reference in your poem, it is in general that when our leaders turn their faces towards the direction of materialistic gratification that the more important issues dogging our world are buried in the sands of time. The opening paragraph is in itself a shocker to the very purpose of electing someone to the high offices of serving a people. There seems to be more of an interest or inclination to the shapeliness of women rather than finding a means of preventing a future war. This first verse is a very strong opening in defining the traits that elected representatives embody. Isn't it ironical that election speeches remarkably conceal all this in ther seas of promises to good and justice. His exploits follow in the verses to come. isn't this corruption within corruption....exploiting women who are obviously carried away with power. It is only apt that you brings all this to us while he is discussing business over the phone. it contrasts well with the misadventure that transpired under his desk. I love 'respect' by Aretha Franklin....one of my all time favorite numbers. But you are right when you add that Aretha demanded it for sure and then commanded it unlike our politician here who would definitely have the arduous task of demanding any with this kind of hypocrisy at the core of his heart. Beautiful ending to a very relevant piece. Unfortunately it is all very real and this is exactly what keeps the world from moving beyond its selfishness. We don't have very good examples. Excellent job, Mell. Hope all is well with you. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-03 06:48:29
Torrid Affair	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem is as interesting in its form as it is in substance. There is a lot to pick up from this and your title 'Torrid affair' is apt in its implication. The dictionary defines 'torrid 'as 'passionate', 'scorching', 'hurried' and 'rapid'. All four of these meanings bring out the nature of this theme as you present this before your readers. The form depicts a sense of anxiety and eagerness as you symbolise what writing sometimes entails and responding to critiques and giving critiques as well. Infact, it represents a waterfall of thoughts, ideas ------ 'My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there'. 'Click click click click The keyboard sticks With every letter That I do pick To pen the story Of love and glory Romantic tale in Allegory I have this thing About a ring Of words arranged In a long string And so with flair My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there' I am easily able to identify with the click, click, click. It is a very realistic depiction of what most of us do as we delve ourselves deeper into writing poetry, responding to those of others, and replying to critiques. Ths gives the poem a very real feel. Use of the word 'flair' creates a distinction between the art of writing poetry and what others do when they are at their computers. There are thousands of others who sit at their computers and write or type but you distinguish our group by using the word 'flair'. And it is very true, when poets are inspired, their thoughts take air and simply fly in from all over the place. Structurally, I would recommend reducing a syllable in line 1 of this verse. Removing the 'do' would enhance the flow. 'It’s my affliction To fuss with diction Creating tales Fact and Fiction Obsession comes To nimble thumbs As the mind be- Gins, it succumbs Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled' I find the first line of this verse interesting and in contrast with the mention of 'flair, and thoughts flying in from over there in verse 1. This justifies how difficult it sometimes is to sit and put together the best combination of words in light of our chosen themes. 'Affliction' denotes suffering and pain and I have felt this when the words just don't come out right. Well, you bring in the critiquing portion as well...this gives the piece a very 'TPL' feel and touch. Yes, the critiques are a very big part of poetry submissions and they do point out a lot and help us grow. In wiritng crituques for others, we are given the opportunity to interact and offer our appreciation or reservations for the poems posted in the interest of the poet and for his/her growth. 'But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled'. 'Now punctuation's A situation To add or draw out Simple relation Torrid affair Of thoughts and air Words and rhymes of Lonely despair Then finding grace As each word’s placed Within a line Between a space' The ultimate release of satisfaction after the torrid affair of getting things just right. This is what this last verse denotes for me. And you have done very well with the last line with an excellent choice of words. I liked the incorporation of a 'soft' rhyme scheme that gives this poem an energetic buzz in keeping with the 'torrid affair' you allude to. The innovation in this one is commendable. Looking forward to readin and responding to more of your work. I believe there is still a critque of mine that you haven't responded to yet. You must be busy. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-03 00:05:45
Rungs	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, This poem is rich in its expression of faith and hope in the face of hardship and pain. Your title 'Rungs" is apt as it solidifies the theme even as you convey to your reader, that we must all climb upward through prayer and through faith and stand before him in anticipation of healing just as you did along with the many others who prayed with you. The first paragraph expresses a profound desire to be healthy. You liken health to a 'rose in the cheek, cherry hue'....there's a lot of redness here. Perfect depiction. Back here and more towards the north where it is chilled and hilly, the people all have red sy cheeks that glisten with health. I wish I had such cheeks too but have to settle for the more ragged cheeks that city life offers. But yes, 'I would cede wealthy, For a rainbow out of the blue'. The desire is given more depth in verse 2 where you call in the sturdy birch tree in all its lustre even as it is showered with the blessings with sunshine. I am glad you brought in the freshness of the great outdoors here as it is those who are made to spend a lot of their time indoors who often aren't the healthiest of people. 'I wish I were a tall birch tree and all who see me smile widely, My scars sparce, scabrous and lovely tended by the sun's majesty' In verse 3, you direct the desire to be healthy again away from chance 'it matters not the coin you hold', or various religious rites and cumbersome rituals....magic, etc and set it on a surer and time tested ladder, that of faith and prayer through which all healing is possible. 'The answer lies in wisdom old, While someone is listening nights, Verse 4, in its two rhyming lines manifests the quiet (no-talk) power of healing and support. It just takes the power of His hand to take disease and crush it and lifting his child to health. This was brilliantly written, Mell. Besides giving such a powerful voice to the theme of this piece, you have exhibited wonderful poetic craftsmanship. This piece literally sings with health and hope thanks to a well executed rhyme scheme. Use of alliterative sounds in cheek/cherry, scars/sparce/scabrous, will/walk enhances the soft sounds incorported here. Our prayers will always be with you, Mell. As for me, I could use some to. I've lost my two closest friends (i hardly have any), am really depressed...sometimes I wonder why I am different...why do poets stand out? I think like a forty year old and I'm just 25....I'm more concerned with poverty, human emotions, philosophy while most people here are visiting discotheques, going out with friends, or playing Playstation. I feel I've been born before my time. It all depresses me. This piece offers some hope. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-02 07:17:44
Unknowing	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Your title 'unknowing', draws the reader into a world full of questions, a quest for identity, an expanse of obscurity. Man has a lo to discover. He hasn't been to the ends of the universe yet, he's still debating life on mars, he goes sleepless over finding a cure for AIDS and he hasn't found solutions to this world's political disputes. However, your poem throws light on the greatest failure in man's wanderlust for discovery. He has failed hopelessly in discovering himself. of course this is in general for there are a minority of individuals who can safely affirm to knowing themselves thoroughly. The quest to doscover oneself often spans an entire lifetime and there are many of us who cross over into the after-life without ever getting the opportunities to do so. Man is often called a social animal but infact is very secretive and private, often concealing his deepest emotions and guarding his darkest secrets like a warrior. The inner-self is territory that is marked with borders and the sense of insecurity that arises when a trespasser is near vibrates like a tuning fork. 'I'm not sharing... My mouth is full of words unspoken I am full up, of emotions untold. Behind my eyes lay layers of hidden thoughts.' The very opening lines of this poem do a great job in suggesting man's reluctance to open up, his sense of insecurity and the resultant outcome of remianing unknown. The second verse is says a lot about how guraded we all are and how lost, in terms of knowing ourselves. 'If I don’t know myself, than how could you?', this is a very pertinent question and is tragic in so many ways. How many of us actually know each other if most of us don't know ourselves. Getting to know one another is tough as it is (as making new friends always is) but is nothing compared to the arduous task of digging deeper within to find answers. If you look at it, we are all merely faces. The world within is an ocean that it yet to be discovered. 'Do I know you? I am positive not.' 'Glimpses into the midst of all that obscurity will only tell what is allowed to show. If we won't say, opportunity goes.' Yes, we see what is meant to be seen. What the other wants us to see. And this is from both ends, because unless we open up there is no way the other person will ever get a relaistic idea of who we are. 'If we won't say, opportunity goes.' Yeah, I guess many of us have lost a lot of our friends because of our inability to open up. 'I surely must know someone …anyone……' I loved the way this piece trailed off like an echo in an abandned cave. These last lines enhance the element of 'unknowing' in the piece. Dellena, thanks for this 'take' on one aspect of human nature. Thankfuly, poets come closer to revealing themselves compared to others. And the friends I have made here are very valued. Looking forward to reading more of ur work :-) Take care, Duane.	2005-07-01 22:46:54
Listen to the Animals	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, This was an interesting narrative on a stormy day near the base of Mount Tully. You have given us very vivid images of the onset of a storm, its destructive power and of course the love of our loved ones who respond in our times of need and the electrical workmen who try their best to make life a little easier for us. I thoroughly appreciate your appreciation for the hardwork they put in. The title was interesting and even though we do no actually hear the animals in this piece, it is very evident that silence speaks louder than words. Animals are inherently gifted at showing or giving us signs that 'things' are about to happen. I would suggest rhyming this, Claire :-) Thanks for sharing. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-01 07:39:44
I'll Call Him Bob	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This piece is a very touching one indeed. I will refrain from commenting too much on the poetics in this one and focus a lot more of this response in telling you how this has affected me. Suffice it to say, that in terms of writing good poetry you have done well to present this in well-thought out structure, meter, flow and have set a very strong platform for the various emotions that make this the touching piece that it is. Sorrow and Suffering: "In my brain stem, it looks like a noodle and they tell me I am dying" ---- Marilyn, this piece carries with it such a deep sense of sorrow as the reader progresses with his read. Life seems so unfair at times and almost always leaves us short of answered questions. Why do we suffer? Why are we even born if death must come this way? Cancer is such a painful disease in its capacity to wear down the body, the mind and to bring death tantalisingly closer...very often at snail speed. "He had trouble focusing his wandering eyes, his left hand and arm were useless." Bravery and Hope: However, as one ends his read, there is a new found feeling of hope that raises the spirits to a higher realm beyond despair and hopelessness. This man will always be an inspiration for us who lose hope over the smallest and pettiest of issues. "I am going to beat it...you see, my dream is to travel to France and I must do that before I die". I see a brave side to you as well, Marilyn. It takes a lot of courage to be able to surround yourself with such sadness. When comforting people it is always necessary to give courage and it does take inner-strength to fight off the 'stinging' tears. Love and Selfless service: If all of us contributed our share to society in the little way we can, it would all add up to a whole lot of love and happiness. Your selfless service in volunteering to provide comfort to those who suffer most is admirable and inspirational in every sense. What is also remarkable and touching is that the pastor, even in his illness, is a counsellor and volunteers in a homeless shelter --- So, this might have started out as a very sorrowful piece of profound suffering, but actually ends with some very positive energy - bravery, hope, love and selfless service which I am sure is what you intended to convey. Thanks for sharing. Take care, Duane.	2005-07-01 07:06:01
Contentment	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, This deeply personal poem raises a very critical question and involves the reader in a very personal way. Representative of the power of poetry to communicate from the heart's deepest core, 'contentment' elevates the reader to the priviledged status of a friend and has him absorbed into finding the answers you seek - 'Do I take the chance and be understood?'. Aptly titled 'contentment' as it has everything to do with finding happiness and the means to achieve it, this poem is very stark as it brings to the fore the power of medicine in all its glory and its fatalities, contrasting the two in an element of indecisiveness. The two extremes literally wrestle. 'Finding a new med which worked so well, Good-bye despair, to it farewell.' CONTRAST WITH 'I don’t want to stop no matter what, But it can be fatal, don’t let the doors shut.' The poem is also representative of the trauma and hardships endured by the poet in her past and the eagerness with which she is seeking a final happiness with no probability of reversals. 'Thrilled beyond anything experienced before, Each day before seemed as if chore','I needed to stop and go back to the past,Oh now why with happiness unsurpassed'. The emotional fervor in this is high. The rhyme comes to an abrupt halt in the last verse's first two lines. Debbie, in my personal opinion, if the medications is doubtful in terms of its side effetcs or fatality, I wouldn't suggest taking it at any cost. Besides, medically induced happiness might not necessarily be 'heart' induced. Debbie, you have endured so much pain in your life. You are a fighter and a warrior and sorrow has had a bitter struggle against bringing you down. I firmly believe that happiness is yours for the taking eventually and it will be born naturally in your heart and believe me, eventhough it might seem like forever but when you experience it in your heart, it will be an amazing experience. I am just concerned that the medication would harm you in other areas and then the happiness it is giving you will be transformed into the worry that the side-effects might bring about. I hope this helps. Do let me know. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-28 19:07:23
Tonight	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I commend you for capturing a great emotion like love and giving it space in the limited poetic form of cinquain. This isn't child's play and the beauty with which you have done so, is remarkable and endearing. True to its form, 2-4-6-8-2, this cinquain represents or reflects that eternal, invincible bond of love through the affections of a physically separated couple that will forever be united in the immportality of the spirit. Death is at the most, a stage and a stepping stone into the eternal worlds of heaven or damnation. Love is immune to the perishability bestowed on 'physical' man and offers an unbreakable link between the two ends of this divide -flesh and spirit. The opening two lines do well to depict the omnipresence of your beloved in his 'spirit' form, the vastness of which is likened to the sky and sea. In the third line, his presence is given a voice and the choice of 'wind' to carry it is perfect as it blows from the corners of the earth. Again, wind magnifies his presence as it blows freely, singing love's eternal melody. The last two lines are climactic with the soaring of the poet's heart on the wings of contentment as she basks in the knowledge of her beloved's proximity. It is traditional in cinquain writing that this form results in a climax. I commend you for this adherence in the climax of the soaring heart. I was just counting the syllables when I noticed that line 3 might have 7 syllables? If need be you might have to replace aria with 'song' to adhere to the 2-4-6-8-2 count. This piece overflows with the immortality of love and touches the heart's deepest core. I enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-28 08:16:23
Playful Rain	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, The onset of the monsoons here in India have brought with them, a much awaited reprieve after a sweltering heat wave that never seemed to end. The monsoons refer to the rainy season here in south asia and have come to symbolise the blessings of the rain God. In my country India, the monsoons take on added significance as they play maker or breaker of harvest yields - agriculture is the largest sector in our economy. Anything, therefore, related to rain is most welcome and your poem 'Playful rain' is a thrill to have at the top of my critiqu list this rainy evening in Calcutta. To begin with, I must comment on the setting. I'm going to pick up on the parking lot and the rain itself. You have brought Nature and the 'urban' world together and have coated both with an element of love. The mention of 'parking lot' is therefore a very silent but critical component in giving this piece a very urban feel. The 'fast life' of the city is very much in attendance. The theme is love rather than rain and anyone who sees rain as the all-in-all here, would be mistaken. The rain provides the aura and enhances the romanticism of the piece, even as the poet anticipates the arrival of her love 'my fella'. Rain has often been the stage for lovers to bloom and display their affections. Remember the scene from Sound Of Music when the young couple dance in the rain singing 'I am 16 going on 17' :-) Rain carries a mush, a sentimentality and sense of nostalgia that accomodate the feelings of lovers very naturally. I liked the way you give us a picture in our minds ---floods in the parking lot, rain dancing in the streets even as the raindrops hit and bounce off the ground. For certain, the feelings of love are intense and the sense of impatience in the poet are very evident. 'I hope the rain will still let us meet, It’s that important to me/ Come to me if you must by boat,You are my love, my fella----- he would have to make it even if it demanded taking a boat. It must have been raining real heavily -----'So don your yellow raincoat, And grab your trusty umbrella'. The style is rhyme - which gives this piece a musical cadence (like the pitter-patter of raindrops perhaps). I wouldn't say that the rhyme seems forced but a little more application of slant rhyme like in verse 2, would add a nice finishing touch. Also, you might want to look a little closer at the meter of the piece as it is not uniform throughout. I have broken up the syllable count below: Ex- L1=line 1. Verse 1 - L1: 9 syllables/L2: 6 syllables/ L3: 8 syllables/ L4: 6 syllables Verse 2 - L1: 8 syllables/L2: 7 syllables/ L3: 9 syllables/ L4: 7 syllables Verse 3 - L1: 7 syllables/L2: 8 syllables/ L3: 8 syllables/ L4: 7 syllables The analysis above will give you a fair idea on where the meter is going wrong. A good tip would be to follow through the remiander of the piece with the syllable count you have set in verse 1 allowing for a little straying. To help this flow better I would recommend the following: verse 2- line 2- remove 'it's'...that does away with one syllable. verse 2- line 3- remove 'still'...another syllable gone bringing it to 8 verse 2- line 4- replace that important with 'critical'...you get 6 syllables You could now begin to adjust the syllable count in verse 3 :-) The poem is aptly titled 'Playful rain' as the excitement and the anticipation in the piece is very strong. I also get the feeling that this is test for the lover. Will he make through the rain? Let us know. Thanks again for this opportunity. As always it was a pleasure to offer this review. Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.	2005-06-28 07:35:56
happiness	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I am thrilled to find another on of your creations at the top of my list. Like all of the other works of yours that I have read this poem too, delves deep into one aspect of human existence. This time however, it is not sorrow or depression that sets the theme. It is that higher state of bliss that all of us strive to achieve, that all of us yearn for, that some of us even die for - the most desired state of them all - Happiness. First of all, I must commend you for representing this state of freedom, carefree(ism) and estacy in the way you have metered and structured this poem. The poem spirals into a higher realm like on the wings of a bird through its free flow. And you have chosen the ideal form to do this - free verse - uninhibited and un-punctuated. There isn't a reader who will not be able to identify with this for all of us have felt this emotion at least once in our sorrowful lives and the poem reflects your experience of this as well. Sadly, though it is the good things in life that are rarest of them all and abundance manifests itself in everything we often dislike. You have given happiness a perfect package in this piece and have elucidated its attributes to the tee. Interestingly, complacence has also been defined in dictionaries as a 'total lack of concern' and it is interesting that you have added it as an attribute. Infact, I am glad you did for it is when we are happy that we tend to get carried away and most of us seem to forget our roots and where we came from. More often than not, happiness very easily worms its way into being a seed for selfishness. Another very interesting line that can be analysed indepth. You allude to one of the attributes as a state when worries and trouble appear to disappear. How true. Happiness is often a mirage and eventhough it is a state full of bliss and peace...it is more often than not a temporary respite and troubles and worries simply appear to vanish but are very much present. Self-acceptance. This is by far the most imporatant factor that either makes or breaks happiness. 'the sense of being and, accepting one for oneself, as an individual and, only a human being, secure enough to, let go sit back and, relax in one's approval, of themself and allowing..' It is all about harmony of the mind and body, the synchronisation between spirit and soul. You mention the mind of a child and there is not a shred of doubt that children are the happier lot. Again, this ties in with all the negatives that you mention as possible impediments to finding happiness. Children, traditionally, are protected from the feelings of hate, worry, self-doubt (as they are in the first stages of their formative years), unburdened in the care of their parents. I have used the word 'traditionally' because in this day and age even children are objects of extreme cruelty and most have their childhoods taken from them. Coming to technicalities, there is a typo in line 2 where shich should read as which (this is obviously slight of mind and happens with me too), then lines 14 and 15 --- i am not too sure and it would be good if you could double check (i am no great authority on grammar :-) but should it be one's approval of himself or them self and if it were themself it should be themselves as them is plural..so i feel it should be one's approval of himself....but do ask around and when you do find out feel free to drop me a line as I could also learn a thing or two. Another good piece of writing that had me absorbed from the start of this review till the very end. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-26 07:44:08
Cat Lovers.........HELP	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, Where would this world be without the animals and the birds? Surely, they are God's gifts to mankind and often endear lves to and become vital members of our families. I can't even begin to count the number of pets I have had...from dogs to cats, frogs to pigeons, white rats, guinea pigs, etc. Unfortunately, there are some in this world who mistreat and misuse God's creatures. How arrogant they are!! This poem however is reflective of compassion to God's creatures. You and your family have done a service for being so caring. You have read the cat's mind in this one and have given it a mouth, a mind and a pen. I am sure if was independently able to write poetry, he would have written the same. The piece also has its moments of humor - 'She said I weighed nine pounds, who is she kidding, Look at all my fur', etc) It would be a good idea if you add a rhyme scheme to this one, Claire. It would add to the poetics of the piece. Thanks so much for sharing, Take care, Duane.	2005-06-25 23:14:59
I Cried for You Today	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, Poetry is an art-form, which like most other arts (such as painting) takes on a very therapeutic mantle as well. It gives poets the opportunities to communicate their sorrows, their failures, their mistakes and their pressures thereby unburdening their heavy souls. Poetry has alwasy been a counsellor to me. I have sought its refuge to unburden my heart and mind. yet, there are some tragedies that befall us that leave their scars forever and poetry ,merely serves as a channel of communication or revelation. You have poured your heart out in this poem and have shared such deep sorrow and hardship through each and every line. Some of us in this world today take the good things in life for granted. We fail to realise that the world is not all about flashing billboards, rolex watches, cinema and cash. There is a darkness in life that affects us. Everyone has had their share of miseries and it is in understanding the others sorrows and reaching out a hand of friendship that this world could ever be a better place to live in. In your poem, Manide, you have brought a very persoanl and tragic issue of your life to the forefront and it serves as a stark reminder to all of us that life is not a bed of roses if we turn a deaf ear or fail to acknowledge the thorns. 'I cried for you today' is an apt title that sets the tone for this piece. It sets the stage for what is to come, namely heartbreak, sorrow or to sum it all up, tragedy. The essence of tragedy in this piece is even further heightened as this is about a mother remembering the death or separation of her twins under the harshest of circumstances. We all know that there is often no greater bond than the one shared between a mother and children and this piece, very tearfully, testifies to it. The poem is itself broken up into stages of a walk in the pine-wood forest. It is a walk both symbolic and real even as you lead us from the remembrance of your loss ('I thought of you my dears') to the tomb of your precious twins ('..as I knelt before your tomb'). It is also a walk of confrontation as you set out to fianlly come to terms with this loss and as many of us would know, the confrontation is in the form of tears...letting it all out and accepting reality very painfuly ('And as I knelt before your tomb, My eyes began to fill, The tears that I’ve held back for years,Finally began to spill'). The imagery of you holding up the memory of your twins to the universe is very strong. Now, while this piece also serves as an expression of a final separation, it is equal in its stamp of eternal love. ('You were walking right beside me, Your spirits I could feel). The love will endure eternally and your twins will forever remain alive in your heart as they look upon on you from heaven. This line strengthens the power of love and the ability of bonds to cross-over from this life into eternity. 13 years is a very long time, Mandie. Life can be so cruel at times and I will not even venture into understanding how you felt as I have not gone through anything as harsh as this. The poem was written on a rhyme scheme. You will know by now that rhyme has always been my favorite form. Like the earlier poem I critiqued, the rhyme in this one is also not too forced and carries this heart-wrenching walk in the pine-wood to your meeting with solace of the birth of your twins. With reagrds to the meter you might want to iron out a few portions that might be a little too stretched in contrast to the general meter of the scheme. For example verse 5|line 3 - you could add one more syllable - how about 'three whole months' or 'three long months'. Infact, I've counted the syllables for Line 3 of the other verses and most of them are of 8 syllables. The line 3 of this particular verse and a couple of others had 7 syllables. If you tweak this a little, your meter would be more uniform. You could also look at the last lines of the verses. Most of them have a syllable count of 6 but there are some with 5---'trickled down my face'. However, these suggestions are very minor when compared to the depth of emotion you have expressed here. The poem has opened the deepest rooms of your heart and that my friend, is the power of poetry. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-24 23:53:05
Feed Me	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, Isn't it amazing that as writers we are equipped with one of the most powerful tools in the history of creation? The power to express. Expression elasticises the mind, relaxes the nerves and creates tangible pictures of our imagination and thoughts. The piece on offer is an example of the elasticity of a poet's imagination. No theme seems untouchable. I enjoyed the humor in this one and commend you on the rhyme scheme employed. Co-incidentally rhyme has always been my favored form of poetry and as you might have already noticed, I use it in almost all my poems. When rhyming, it is a priority to ensure that the rhyme is never forced and you have done well in this regard. It carries the poem comfortably and draws it to it's 'hungry' conclusion. "FEED ME" - such is the desire and agony hunger drills into a person when he/she craves for food and to add to the drama in this one, there is a tantalisig delay (in this case, a friend, who is taking his/her own sweet time)-"It’s been several hours, I’ve taken a shower, How much longer? I can’t wait - I want food". Poems ought to be well-packaged in their appeal to vision, other senses such as 'smell' and 'audio', and sense of feel. You have catered to your reader in each of these categories, allowing him to and drawing him into feeling the pangs of hunger - 'My blood sugar is dropping, My stomach is gnawing, I don’t care if you’re weary, Or whether you’re dreary, To pacify this beast,that’s demanding a feast'. There is often nothing worse than an empty stomach that is bursting in its hollowness. “Enough!” it protests, I can’t wait - I want food, and screaming out loud, FOOD NOW!"---- these lines do a great deal to enhance the feeling of impatience tingling down your spine and adds an interesting and humorous audio dimension to the piece. I realise that you use minimum punctuation in your pieces and leave the sentences open. I too prefer it this way as punctuation often imposes a burden on the expression of the piece itself. The title is apt - FEED ME. And if you actually just have the title with the last line you get FEED ME FOOD NOW!! That's interesting. I enjoyed critiquing this piece, Mandie. It was an absorbing one. I am sure you flew out of the house in the direction of the nearest restaurant when your friend was done with his/her delay. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-24 08:19:44
Pickin	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, It's 6 p.m in the evening and I've just returned home from an exhausting day at work. A fine poem involving nature and the abstract is as welcoming as a welcome can get. This poem digs a lot deeper than its visible simplicity. Beyond the bubbly rhyme scheme and the mention of trees, birds, cats and bees, lies a very interesting and thought provoking and spiritual theme - the communion of nature with nature; the communion of man with nature. You have tapped into a higher plain of thought as you question subconscious communications and identifications. Interesting first two lines that set the tone for the rest to follow. Did you pick the apple or did the apple tree pick you? We may never realise it but in nature's scheme of things, we are all interconnected and each of us affects or influences the other directly or inversely. It's natural law that we influence our surroundings and our surroundings influence us and somewhere on a higher frequency there is an exchange of energy between one and the other (be it between tree and you, bee and tree, or cat and limb). This exchange is so subtle that we never feel or realise it. Nevertheless, on morning walks or natural excursions, this ability for nature to communicate with us is increasingly evident. The communication is very often in the form of healing, refreshment, stress relief, etc. 'As I was passing by the tree, did he reach out and touch on me?' With attributes that I don't see, did he communicate with me? Do you suppose that he can see, that I'm aware he spoke to me?---this basically sums up my point about a communication on a higher frequency that is elevated above the levels of consciousness. In verses 3 and 4, you expand the proximity between you and your tree to include the bees, birds and even a cat, thereby highlighting a greater commune with nature. This is evident (for example) from the fact that migratory birds sense the time for migration. They don't have clocks. They have senses that are finally tuned to the vibes of nature. Their is a time-bound understanding between the two. It was the same with pre-historic man until he advanced and lost his ability to rely solely on the natural world around him. In many ways, it all boils down to instinct. What I also gleaned from verse 3 and 4 was the manner in which you tied-in the birds, bees, cat and yourself to the tree. Infact the entire poem revolves around your apple tree. This is very important to the central theme of the poem because trees are in essence, life givers. if it weren't for their productions of oxygen, we would not have been born, neither the birds, nor the bees or anything that moves on this earth and has life. This is an important point you make in the simplicity of just 8 lines!! Sadly, these bearers of life's ecological balance are taken for granted. In the last two lines of the poem, you draw a likeness between nature and you. We are all one substance, tied-in to one another, instinctively and sub-consciously in communion with the other... Hmmmm!! This was deep and really brings out the thoughts of the reader when he/she reads through. The rhyme scheme gave this a nice upbeat musical tempo and helped dart the questions...like a rapid-fire. Keep writing, Take care, Duane.	2005-06-22 07:19:52
The Mindless Wanderer	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, I see a storm in this one...the mind is restless, indecisive, absent and confused. I guess you are alluding to one of those blistery moments when the world just spins around, creating a whirlwind of stuff or a specific point of time in your life when things were a little too wayward. This is very evident from the strong descriptives used in the piece from start to finish from abstractions based on broken thoughts, forgiveness and frustrations to the more tangible (misplacement) of keys, wallets, pens. It is only apt that you use the word 'wanderer' in your title, for it is in times such as these when we (or our minds, our futures) just wander aimlessly. I liked the depth in this one, Thomas and I am sure many of us (including myself) will be able to identify with this. Take care, Duane.	2005-06-18 05:50:59
For You I Waited	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, The endless wait - a tantalising game played by love to tease us, to test us or simply to reject us. I'm confident that there are hundreds (if not millions) of those in this world who have had to endure 'forever' to finally achieve their heart's desires, their lovers. 'For you I waited', speaks of one such wait; a freezing in time; a confrontation between hopelessness and a flaming heart. This could also have to do with the memory of your husband and your eagerness to re-unite with him somehow or to make a connection with him beyond death. The imagery employed in this piece is rich and carries the emotion forward while engaging the reader - 'marble sky of bice and bone'----love the coloration here and the richness in choice of words; indifferent water ----a still lake perhaps, unperturbed by the coat of mist; 'sun sear the sea in hues of heliotrope and carnelian'---- exquisite!! the purplish shades of heliotrope with the reddish-brown shades of carnelian, makes this colorful scene come alive with the image of the poet cutting a solitary figure in the sunset-- 'I waited in the yesterday and all tomorrows'---this speaks of endurance and dedication; of unfounded love. The poet ends on a note of no respite. The lover's voice is heard in the wind and felt in the breath of the fog...and the wait continues. Wonderfully written, especially verse 1, 2 and 3 where the imagery reaches a peak of brilliance. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-17 09:15:14
Yoked	Dellena Rovito	HI Dellena, I love the symbolism employed in this to best capture the overwhelming burden of sorrow. The symbolic depiction of a yoke to elucidate misery's entrapment of the spirit of living, is at once vivid and engaging. There is a strong sense of suffocation which resonates from this piece, giving the reader a very transparent glimpse into the blistery mind of the poet. This burden of suffering is best depicted in verse 1 itself. The yoke is referred to as 'hefty' and weighs down with the weight ' of a thousand tons of heavy metal lead'. Does it get any heavier than this? I don't think so. The poet's depression has assumed massive proportions. The harness continues to crush the spirit of the poet in verse 2 with the neck beginning to droop. The burden is referred to as excess. The poet is reduced to a mere servant in verse 3, left helplessly to attend the feet of misery, referred to a 'draft horse living in subjugation'. This verse best brings sorrows prime characterisitc - its all encompassing grip, it's pressurizing dictat. Misery calls the shots and it is often very difficult to break free from its grasp. True to its style, drowning in a sea of sadness, leaves the poet gasping for air but the minutes bring increasing agony, redemption seems all too disatnt, hope, all too faint. The last line is excellent - 'Desperation slices time's redemption with its knife' - very well said. This was a well structured poem with strong language and descriptives that enhance the theme. The title 'yoked' gives the reader a sense of an animal...and misery's treatment of human life as such. Very well-written, Dellena!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-17 08:46:44
Falling From You	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, I'm sure all those who have stopped by to read this have 'fallen' into it. For me, this piece takes on the added significance of a reflection of recent days gone by when I too endured a falling away with the one I love. And much like you, I was falling too, falling alone from that embrace, falling for and falling from. You have taken the high hopes, the expectations, the grandeur of falling in love with someone and set it reeling down a rabbit hole to the pits of disappointment, betrayal, broken trust, etc. Indeed, you do give a very real and symbolic sense of the 'falling' you allude to. You paint a vivid picture of the darker side of love. The first verse, when the eyes first met, when the love was recognized, sets the stage for this free-fall. You raise the pedestal to the dizzy heights of that first spark when everything seemed perfect and prepare the reader for his drop. The second verse, and the cracks begin to appear. You hold on..tight...but in love one can hold on however much he/she wants but in vain. It's a two way street and the traffic never flows one way in love. It's a game of a give and take on both sides of the fence...or else it can seldom refer to a 'loving' relationship. She casts you off and renders you frozen in disbelief, hopes dashed. The third verse, the thud is a loud one. You question that unwarranted raise in expectations. You would have preferred to fall for rather than fall from..her. Beautifuly written. What strikes me most is the simplicity you employ to depict a deep theme such as this, which is a craft in itself. I haven't any suggestions for this one except for a whole lot of applause and appreciation. Again, amazing job!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-16 08:17:12
unittled	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, I have always been an admirer of those who write in limited forms such as Haiku, tanka, etc and do such an inspiring job of it too. The challenges of forms such as this have to do with utilising limited resources to best convey the theme. You've done just that and remarkably. To begin with, you've chosen a theme based on a real-life situation - the devastating mudslides witnessed in California. Then, you've given this piece it's share of imagery, color and poetic fervor and capped it all with a well-crafted hidden meaning. This Haiku is a package. Jacarandas bloom - I haven't been familiar with Jacarandas but did look it up in order to respond accurately to the piece. Jacarandas are fast growing trees, famous for their amazing floral displays. There is significance in your use of the word 'bloom'. I see this as an allusion to hope beyond the travails of the disaster.....like a calm after the storm. Purple flowers cover mud - I can almost picture the settled mud, fresh from its devastation and at rest having had its fill. The image of these pretty flowers topping the mud is vivid and symbolic of a new beginning or again, of hope. I like the contrast between the ugliness of the mood and the magnetic beauty of these flowers. In a way it tells me that life has its pitfalls but there is always good to be found somehow, somewhere...there are angels, even in the company of demons. From another point of view, I also see this as a scene symbolic of a peaceful burial. California - this is where it all took place and your ending the piece with this, helps the reader tie it all together and get a sense of the anquish that befell the unsuspecting citizens of the state. There's a typo in the title (but that's hardly worth mentioning in the face of the brilliance of this piece). It's been a while. Looking forward to responding to more of your poems and looking forward to having some responses from you as well. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-15 07:47:50
Foundations	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, This tribute (not only to your beloved grandmother but to family life in general) is aptly titled 'Foundations' - for it is on strong foundations such as yours that rich seeds for the future are sown. Your first stanza runs a link of love through two generations past (the time of your grandmother) and two generations to the future (your grand-children). It is through the values nurtured by your grandmother, that you lovingly watch your grandchildren grow up. The bonds between grandparents and grandchildren are special. The last stanza confirms a hope for the prosperity of future generations thanks to the family's strong foundations. The poem was written on a rhyme based form which works fine. I would like to point out verse 5 which opens with - 'so far i see a bluebird song'. I feel 'hear' would go a lot better in this line Or it would be fine if you 'see a bluebird singing'. I liked the way you referred to yourself as an old oak tree - oak is hardy and strong and gives the reader a sense of the strong foundation the poets' generation will grow up on. The emotional depth in this was strong and in a day and age when families are more divided than united you reiterate a very profound statement - FAMILIES ARE IMPORTANT. Hope to be able to respond to more of your poems, Thomas. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-14 06:53:15
Arnie	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, Good morning! Well, it's almost good night for me but I had to respond to this light-hearted piece before curling in. A poem for Arnie Wachman - a friend and fellow tpl'er. I can't wait for the humorous response you will recieve for this one, Latorial. The poem speaks of your appreciation for Arnie's understanding of the plight of the African-american minority in America. To be honest with you, I'm really not sure how to critique this (smile). Arnie was rather upset about your generalization of whites in Chains Of Command (so I read in his response to that poem). What is so unique and unmatched with regards to TPL is the fact that we are able to have our differences and yet be a family. This poem reaffirms the strong bonds all of us share. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-12 09:59:43
I AM . . .	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial! I am thrilled to have this 'in your face' piece at the top of my list. The title, 'I AM', is addictive and seems to form a shield around the poem by telling all who read this and others who don't that you (African american america) are the way you are and that there is nothing anyone can do about it. It all sounds very firm and final, an anthem for the struggle for equal rights for the minority in America. I ove plain-speak in poetry and it is reassuring to know that there are still those who speak their minds. 'I am she who interrogates those who stare' - beautifully put across and this is exactly what you have done in this piece. And if skin-color is the basis on which policies are framed, the world needs to sit-up and take notice. 'What whiteness begins, my blackness ends' - the challenge in these lines is loud and clear, the piece has a no-nonsense vitality enveloped around it; the anger is prominent but so is the self-confidence. 'I am white America's "What's next?"' - it seems that any line of action to cater to the minority isn't final. This line gives the reader a very real impression of a toying with the community's future with no firm commitment or endeavour to bring about change. This was another invigorating piece on the issues faced by a minority community and the pieces keep getting more and more powerfully expressive. I liked the rhyme employed in this one, the strong words used to best bring out the theme and thought. As a suggestion ( and I have been pondering this while responding to the piece), I would recommend replacing the word 'frankness'. I tried thinking of a replacement and could only come up with 'veracity'. Just a small suggestion though. It cannot take away from the depth and fire in this very well-written piece. Excellent job done..again!!!!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-10 23:50:25
Thunder	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, It was just yesterday that the heat wave over Calcutta relented and gave way to rain and thunder. Finding this poem at the top of my list this morning, is especially welcome. Set to a rhyme scheme which does give this piece a sing-song touch (like the rhythm of rainfall itself), the poet gives us a picture of Lightning, rain and thunder, while she is huddled in her 'softened bed'. I like the way the 'hearkened' thunder, 'angel-spirit of rain', 'heaven's light' lightning, work as a team in this one to create the desired effect. Some of the movement, sounds and images in this one are energetic and impressionable - 'hearkened thunder crashed about', 'trees nude of bark', 'skittered and scattered overtop', 'starlit raindrops', 'flowers yawn and mountains shout', etc. The poem ends with a calm and hushed world lazily waking up after a cozy night. If I could make a suggestion at this stage, it would be to mix up the rhyme scheme a little - about/doubt, out/spout, out/shout, throughout/pout. There may be too many 'out' sounds in the rhyme which isolates the top/slop rhyme in verse 2. You might have mis-spelt 'lightning' in verse 1, line 3. As always, a pleasurable read, Marilyn, and I look forward to reading many more. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-10 23:15:07
Wet Ink	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, It is such a joy to find you posting again. It has been such a long time. This was a gripping poem, revolving around a confrontation with the struggles of a turbulent past and a resurfacing of the scars as dark reminders. The poem is based on a rhyme scheme which in a sense symbolises a beating pulse that gradually beats faster, culminating in the smearing of the poet's ink. The honesty in the reflection of feelings and emotions in this piece draws one to the opinion that this was written with tears rather than ink...a testament to the power of poetry. The setting of the piece is stark as the poet draws into contrast the 'regular' contented and beautiful life around her with that of her troubled past and the depiction of the reflection of the young child in the water is apt and haunting as it represents a re-surfacing of the torments of ere. ('Hues of green glimmer in the waters eye, Sparkling bubbles rise as the boats go by <<>> There is a reflection that stares at me ,Who is this person desiring to be free? Lost so young now knowing why, Still searching for answers as time passes by) The sudden splash of ink in the last verse is especially important in this piece and produces an image of the poet being jerked out of her thoughts of her sad past. Thankfully, the pain is temporary (As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone.' and the poet would eventually pick up the fragments and piece her life together yet again. This was a powerfully emotionally driven piece, Debbie. Writing and sharing are both therapeutic in nature and I'm sure this opportunity helped reduce the burden that was forced upon your shoulders. This will also give strength to your readers (including myself) and offer consolation through the fact that we are never alone in our times of despair. Looking forward to reading and hearing from you more often. Well-written. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-04 10:08:22
Mea Culpa	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I wasn't too familiar with the meaning of Mea Culpa but looked it up. Mea Culpa is an acknowledgement of one's error and guilt - in this case it could have to do with overcoming one's negativity over another or even acknowledgement of the same. This poem speaks of one of the most common feelings humans feel on a day to day basis- hatred and anger. These feelings reverse the hour glass, set time back, throw us into sinking sand and keep our minds from evolving into a world of enlightenment ('the dove of peace lives beyond' If i'm always angry with you, how do i get past resentment?). The question is a pertinent one and the answer to it could save this world of a lot of our troubles. The poem speaks to me very personally...I have had situations where I've hated and situations where i've been hated. Gladly the light dawned. This was a very relevant poem, Dellena. I just wish I could get my ex-best friend to read this because he refuses to listen to anything I have to say. Well reflected. 'raindrop eyes'-- well said! Take care, Duane.	2005-06-03 22:51:00
Stars Alive!	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, You are doing an amazing job with this art form, painting such beautiful pictures in the process. Fireflies have always been one of the more intriguing species of creatures in Nature's vast treasure chest and this poem brings back vivid images of my childhood days when bottling fireflies was as engrossing as magic. The poem title is at once magnetic and draws the reader in with an element of curiosity. Stars Alive! How true and apt. This poem is two-fold in its ability to highlight the beauty of the fireflies and the thrill of the little children as they go about their merry-making. You bring the trees alive with glitter, the faces of the children alive with smiles and fascination. I remember how i would cling to my bottle of fireflies as if it were a trophy. 'Lanterns snatched from summer skies' --- BRILLIANT AND ORIGINAL. I like the soft rhyme scheme employed here - fantasies/trees; prize/ckies; stars/jars. It's always a pleasure to find a poem such as this at the end of a tired day's work. This was refreshing for the senses. Great job! Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-02 07:09:31
BALLET	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	HI Nancy, This was pure eye-candy. A ballet of butterflies...does it get more beautiful than this? I don't think so. You have elasticised the metrical limits of tanka and have used every opportunity to do justice to the natural beauty of the theme. You have used eloquence to illustrate grandeur and have made this a perfect treat for the unwinding reader. The piece is replete with the delicate touches of soft sounds - wispy, flutter, tinted, tapestry, flirt, ballerinas - doing justice to the fraility and sensitivity of the butterfly while glorifying its beauty- (tinted wings, tapestry in dance, blissful..). The use of ballerinas as a means of describing these creatures is apt. I liked the employment of a rhyme scheme which addeds its share of music to this 'Ballet'- butterflies/by; ease/breeze (good use of slant rhyme). There is a lot of movement here - flutter, dance, lightly flirt - which not only makes this a very photogenic scene but a moving one at that. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, Nancy. This was very well crafted with a full dose of imagery, flow, form, movement and of course sheer appreciation for these gorgeous creatures. Take Care, Duane.	2005-06-01 07:06:53
The Blue Wolf (R)	Patricia Gibson-Williams	Hi Patricia, The mythical story of the 'Blue Wolf' will not only be etched in the stone that locks its soul but in the mind of the reader as the ultimate testament to true love and folklore. Based on a well-constructed rhyme scheme, this poem unfolds with a sense of drama and suspense, gripping the reader to partake in its unwrapping and magical climax. When one uses rhyme, the priority is always to ensure that the rhyme scheme adopted is never forced and my hat's off to you for ensuring that this scheme is music to the ears of the reader. The setting is well-crafted, bringing the stage alive - (copper moon, window box, stony field, emerald ground, jaws fastened at her nape, thighs moist with blood and seed, golden hair, knife held to her breast, etc). Imagery was vivid and effectively executed. Of course, in a dramatic piece such as this, audio would have its role to play as well - (the blue wolf howls, he sang to her night after night, weep at his lonesome cry, called him with her song, the angry wolf howls blood red, etc). I liked the use of alliteration in 'sacred soil' - verse 6. Adding to the mystical and magical story behind the 'Blue Wolf', is the message one finds behind the drama and heroisms of both the girl and the wolf who held true to their emotions in the face of the stiffest opposition. Love is blind. And there would be no doubt in anyone's mind that a testament such as the one in the piece be secured in the most beautiful of objects - 'the stone with it's swirl of blue's, grey's and red on a black background.'. I was thoroughly immersed in this piece, Patricia. Very well-written!! Hope to read more of your work in the future. Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-28 06:42:23
Blood Run's Cold	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire! Blood sometimes does run cold, doesn't it? Especially when one doesn't know what it is that will spring out from nowhere.....even guns don't prove enough sometimes :-) This piece was replete with imagery ('..sun fades, deer drinking from a nearby brook) and audio (the birds are chirping their heavenly songs...). Throughout the poem, you take the reader with you and make him feel a part of this brush with nature, enjoying the chirping birds, the drinking deer, the anticipation of bears deeper in the forest, etc. Ofcourse, my use of the word 'enjoying', might be an over-statement since you go on to mention a 'tortured mind'. Was it the fear of bears? Or was it just a melancholic walk to get away from the real world. You did a good job with the structure and flow making for a comfortable read. I enjoyed this!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-27 08:09:17
Letter to My Friend	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire!! Indeed. Joanne is a very lovely human being and it is so satisfying to learn that both of you are very close friends. Your poem "letter to my friend", is a perfect tribute to a friend you admire and have come to love over these past few years. You have expressed your apprecaition and have exhibited her warm and caring qualities which are so rare to find in this world today. You also draw a spiritual and nostalgic connection between your beloved grandmother and friend which adds to the depth of the bond highlighted in this piece. I'm sure Joanne would be very touched when she reads this. Friendships are very important in this world and I thank you for highlighting it in this poem. It's good to see you posting!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-27 07:39:48
verse 70 (Candle)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl! In the beginning, this piece struck me as a Haiku. I'm not an expert in poetic forms but I believe that a Haiku syllable count would read as 5-7-5. Your second line has 8 syllables if you count 2 in fire. On the other hand, this might not have been written to read as a Haiku anyways so I'll rise above the restrictions of form and pattern and comment on the substance that makes 'verse 70 (Candle), a very well-written and thought-evoking piece. It also tells us about the mental disposition of the poet and could symbolically represent a person seeking a way out from strife, struggle (darkness)----'Guide this dark moment'. A reference to the fire as 'mortal' carries with it a depth of thought. The poet seems to realise that any guidance he gets through the darkness(strife, struggle, depression), is temporary and that he will have to make it on his own in due course. It's amazing how the smallest of poems reveal a whole world of emotion, thought and philosophy and this poem is one of them. Well-written!! Hope to read and comment on more of your work in the future. Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-26 07:45:15
Silly Me	Claire H. Currier	HI Claire, It is such a priveledge to have a very nice person like yourself critique so actively on the Link and it's an equal priveledge to read the poems you post. This poem is interesting in a number of ways and encompasses a large section of poets here on TPL. I, myself have been in a position where I've been discouraged with 1 or 2 reviews but have held on, only to discover that in time, most poems do get their due. You have spelt out encouragement for the group you speak of and I am sure they will be inspired and appreciatve of the sentiments you reflect in this piece. Your first verse captures the psyche of a poet who has been out of touch with his/her writing. How true this! While I haven't taken a long hiatus from writing, there are many who have and have actually forgotten what it all feels like. The second verse captures the grit involved in sharing some of our most intimate thoughts and posting it on the internet which is the most exposed of all publishing mediums. :-) The first two verses were my favorite!! I felt the poem flowed well from start to finish. Interesting take on this one, Claire!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-26 07:21:21
Gentle Touch	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, It is good to see you posting this month and this poem, 'Gentle Touch', is one of inspiration, hope and encouragement to the many who have suffered or are still suffering and in need of divine intervention. Through each line, you have magnified the magnificence of God to those who may not know Him and have reminded those that do, of his presence in their lives. The opening 'The Lord is my shepherd.....', taken from a verse in the Bible is a strong one as it sets the tone for the piece and amplifies His protective spirit. You have projected a very personal and 'gentle' relationship here between yourself and God, not just as a Creator to His creation but as a friend unto a friend and through it all he has helped you stand tall, remain content through times of strife and suffering and look forward to the future with Hope and anticipation. I loved the line, 'A breeze touching your cheek Is a kiss from God'. The poem ends on a very positive note where you encourage your reader to take some time to thank Him for all the wonderful blessings he has bestowed on us and I'm sure if we all counted our blessings we would be amazed to find that He has touched us in ways that we may never have been conscious of. Thanks for this spiritually deep and encouraging piece about the protector and friend in all of our lives!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-25 16:57:37
Hybrid Haiku	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This was a terrific haiku! It's amazing how poetry enables us to say so much in such a few words and Haiku is one of the more limiting forms of expression - yet you have managed to click a beautiful picture through this fleeting form. Nature has always been your speciality and the image of poppies flaming the roadside grass is amazing. I've never tried my hand at Haiku but am tempted to, even as I read more of the ones posted here. Excellent work as usual!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-25 16:33:07
Gripping Dirt	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, Your poems this month have carried very significant philosophical undertones and have rooted themselves in the human persona and psyche. They seem to explore the unexplained of what being human is all about. The last line of Gripping Dirt is testament to this -'teach me what must be taught, to know of who I am'. The poem represents a spirit stepping out into the world of the self in a quest for her identitiy. A door popping open, led me to step outside. ------- (the beginning of introspecting the self) Before me lay a pathway, beckoning for me to ride. Hesitating momentarily, scanning my mind’s within.-----(the hesitiaion might be out of fear of the unknown) Fearing the unknown has kept me rooted down.------ (i was right) Skies blue, and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound--- (skies blue and witches brew: the search could have led anywhere, ) The suns at loss today, the world without is dark.-----(again, hesitiation, not knowing oneself is being likened to the darkness) Searching between the trees and brush entwined-----(reference to struggle tied together like the flora of a forest) for courage, insight, and purpose to call as mine. Bending to my knees, at the feet of my life I kneel……--(my favorite line, excellent imagery and well said) teach me what must be taught, to know of who I am.-----(the theme of the piece, knowledge of the self) This was a very deep and thought evoking piece. Well Done!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-24 07:17:25
A Long March	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, I believe I have read and responded to some of your Haikus in the past but none were more colorful than this. Not only does this tiny structured poem give us an insight into the poet's anxiousness at seeing the world of spring erupt before her eyes; it also offers an explosion of color (it's true when they say "all good things come in small packages"). The title 'Long March' effectively sets the tone for the piece to salute the 'April' redemeer. It gives one a sense of the pre-spring lifelessness, gloom and creates the perfect stage ('pastels on parade, tulips sway in Springs' soft breeze....') for Spring to be brought to the fore. I liked the use of both March and April at the very beginning and end of the piece (A Long March.....salute to April). This was a very well written and colorful Haiku. Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-24 07:02:09
Two Souls	marilyn terwilleger	HI Marilyn, Another fine Cinquain that has a big heart. The message of love, trust and passion between the two souls resonates energetically from this piece and I beleive that this too, is written in honor of the love shared between your husband and yourself. 'Bold bond' - nice alliteration and a firm ending to a piece giving the reader a sense of how unshakable the bond is. Wonderful job done again!! Take Care, Duane.	2005-05-22 19:05:49
Cinquain	marilyn terwilleger	HI Marilyn, A Cinquain - 2,4,6,8,2. I'm going to try my hand at this form very shortly. You've captured a very 'large' emotion like love in just 14 words and have done a very fine job in doing so. I believe this was written in memory and homor of your beloved husband. The poem is rich with the depth of this love and the image of the 'lips together, soft as flower petals', gives this poem a very delicate, soft, inncoent and genuine feel. Very well-written Marilyn, Take care, Duane.	2005-05-22 00:08:50
Sometimes	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, Hope all is well with you. I thoroughly appreciate and admire short poems that speak volumes. 'Sometimes', is one such poem that addresses what most poets feel when confronted with a brain that shouts, '“LEAVE ME ALONE!”. And eventhough it is the heart that spurs the emotions of poets, it is the brain or 'the poetic touch, talent or genius', that serves as an outlet for those emotions to be communicated in a poetically effective way. The sense I get from reading this piece is not just your allusion to the curse of writer's block but your handling of the same, "Leave me alone...And I do". You don't seem to force anything out when confronted with these situations. Some people (like myself) will keep pushing and pushing only to add to our frustrations. I can picture the heart prodding the brain to deliver it's feelings. A well delivered piece that digs deep and speaks of a very realistic situation confronting most of us in the community. Very well done!! Take care, Duane.	2005-05-21 00:45:08
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Duane J Jackson	Critique Date

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