Terry A's E-Mail Address: terry2054@live.ca

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Terry A	Critique Date
The Madness of Agenda	James C. Horak	Haiti -so much of your poem. The part left out by mainstream media -how the country's corrupt leadership had put its people in destitution long before the earthquake. How much of the world-wide donations to help the people will actually reach them? How much will be funelled off to its rich government and its supporters? Canada, fast-tracking delivery of orphans to couples who feel they are doing their part by helping one child? When the millions there, who would do a better job of raising their own, see their children starving. And Hilary Clinton, tying up food delivery for a fucking photo op? And the lucrative rebuilding contracts, where will they go? There are even those who doubt the earthquake was natural. (I pray that second technology does not have that power.) The tears of the world fall everywhere now. Terry	2010-01-23 18:23:48
Words	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This poem immediately found resonance with the most exquisitely personal writing in the Bible, that of the Psalms. Prayers spoken from close to the heart and soul. What gives this piece of writing its universality, is its lack of adornment, lack of compensating reasoning and its acknowledgment of imperfection- its humanness sheltered by compassion. I hope you see why it is different from other "I" writing. As well, and twice now today (once from Dellena in a critique she did of one of my poems), I found utter beauty in words...."allow yourself the dignity....of setting my humble heart free"...; is poetic truth at its finest. Terry	2010-01-23 17:59:27
In confidence	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, 'Rocketman', the first word that came to mind when I read this poem. A song sang by Elton John, apparently based on a short story by Ray Bradbury in "The Illustrated Man". The tone is one of perfect stillness, as though introspection has created its own space. And though the moon is metaphor for many things, it was the space-travelling body that resonated with me. This is not a reduction, because literally the poem works on that level and could easily be published in a science-fiction journal. The poem also represents the best of science-fiction, which is never based on technology, but states of mind, consciousness wrapping in different ways around details, challenged by the unknown, introspective about the future. You used the word, 'close' in two different ways, the ending it works best, the other two on subsequent readings of the poem, stumble as the mind reads close/close (different pronunciations and meanings). This is too good a poem for that. (If it's just my reading, well, nevermind.) The title of the poem, and the last line work perfectly together. The theme: "there is something upon this man that weighs heavily that he cannot share". (I know, paraphrasing sucks and never does justice to a wonderful poem like this.) I've learned that there are many secrets not worth the price we pay to keep them. That is the moral question behind your poem. Your Muse is awake. Let her tell. Terry	2010-01-22 16:00:43
A Hard Time	James C. Horak	This is lovely, whimsical and endearing...is that you JCH???? Helloooooo I hope you're judging the contest. You have a degree in English Lit, you love poetry, know it, and I presume will decide by your usual otherwise unconventional criteria. (and you're putting up the awards, but that's not really the point.) With more posting now, everyone wins just by participating, no matter who tops the board. Terry	2010-01-20 16:39:10
From beyond	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I read somewhere that we shouldn't critique poems we don't understand and I don't understand this poem, nor do your images come alive in any coherent way for me. Having said that, which I hope you will forgive, I just want to say I'm glad you're back and writing poetry. I have really enjoyed many of your poems, maybe this one is just beyond my understanding. Terry	2010-01-17 16:54:30
Take or Give Out	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, It's an interesting ending to this poem and one that I don't see as -either/or; BOTH posit something good. I'm not sure that's what you wanted to say. If one was to find the "basket of fruit that overpours", then it would be possible to more help "those humbled in life". Kinda like, you can't give what you haven't got yourself. Still, you draw a contrast between those who are never satisfied and those who are ever needy, offering the idea that life has more to offer than need and want. Hope you are feeling better now. Terry	2010-01-17 16:04:34
Reflections	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I enjoyed this lark into how thought functions, done high-speed. You've suceeded in telling the readers something and showing it at the same time by your choice of words and how you've joined them together. "Squeezed from the tube of insight /Ideas flare sporadic bright, is delightful and astute, as is the rest of the poem. And your almost trademark last line- always to bring the poem to its purpose. Good to see you back here, and hopefully well. Terry	2010-01-17 03:41:42
Waiting	Rene L Bennett	Rene, This poem reads like an entry in a diary, it is the writer talking to herself. If you provided specifics for all the generalities, created imagery for words such as- light, dark, right, fear- you could create a poem that might reach others with new insight. That the suffering is real, no one would question. But how does this differ from others who have written similarily? If you would give all your ideas- imagery, metaphor, simile, anything to bring the readers poetically to your own unique view of things, then the poem would be more successful and the readers given more understanding into what the poem is about. Terry	2010-01-17 03:29:22
Alone	cheyenne smyth	Hi Cheyenne, The imagery in this poem is perfect to the subject matter and original- "ashy tongues lick blades of night", is gifted. In the short poem category, I don't think I've read one any better. Sylvia Plath said (and I paraphrase) that manny poets start out writing nature poems and then they bring poetry closer to themselves as they tap into their own perspectives; and then their poems could only have been written by themself and no longer imitate others. I think you've achieved that here. Terry	2010-01-17 03:09:10
Whitewashed	Mary J Coffman	Hi Mary, This poem is extraordinary in its accomplishment. You've given your superb talent with imagery a purpose and direction, and have created a poem that can rival any other media in its effect. Each word has purpose and the restraint (the way you've paced the reading) governing the poem, intensifies its impact. Wonderful! Best wishes for a Merry Christmas! Terry	2009-12-23 02:14:50
Please Read:	James C. Horak	Interesting idea. Hope MSS's hiatus from TPL is due to real life busyness and that he will return. Would also like to read more of Tom Wright's work. His poetry is always interesting and often superb -'Woman Combing'-an example of that. And Rachel was the most accomplished woman poet on the site (in my opinion), and her poetry was a boon to TPL. If Chris approves your suggestion, I hope he also restores your posting privilages on the forum. It's absurb your not being able to post there, especially given the level of participation that currently exists. There's lots of warm and fuzzy poetry sites on the net, TPL could be the site for creative and original writing and whatever that might mean to anyone, it means something. You know poetry, you're here, and that is what could give TPL a chance to be more. Terry	2009-12-19 13:53:19
Soul Mates	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, I have a few friends who at different times, have announced they have found their soul-mates. I say different times, because once on that trail...it's exactly as you have written... until the next soul-mate comes along. Do I sound cynical? Not really, it's just that in that experience all sense of decorum seems to vanish. And love and sex enter into an astounding confusion, blessed by every cliche romance has ever had going for it. Your poem sums it up nicely. And if it is about someone who has stood the test of time, heartfelt congratulations; for this is as rare as mushroom flying saucers. Welcome back to TPL! Terry	2009-08-31 23:08:54
Yoyo	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I like the pace of this poem, you move it along with the zest playing with a yoyo has, and the language parallels both (your life and the symbolism of the yoyo) extremely well. The imagery is vivid enough for the reader to see you and the yoyo, with the thought accompaning each twirl. It's quite well done, Dellena, and again, I appreciate how you evoke motion (flipping, twisting, turning,churn, etc. etc.). No centre of the tornado here, and that's refreshing. Terry	2009-08-31 20:15:53
Unsettled	James C. Horak	I read some of Plath's poetry to determine just why it was so significant. IMMEDIACY. That's a quality of many great poets, and perhaps one of the subtle differences between so called academic poetry (armchair poetry, removed, looking through a window poetry); and the real stuff. Though people, things, events may inspire a poem, the 'fuse that drives the force' of the poem is inside the poet, touched by inspiration. This is a subtlety that distinguishes between what merely subscribes to popular notions of what good poetry is, and what blows in out of the water towards something extraordinary, touching upon what is living in the words and ideas fully. Your poetry has this quality of immediacy. What also stands out, is that you write without burden, and that is what Plath did in the last months of her life. To achieve this freedom of expression and live, is something Plath did not achieve. But it is worth achieving and for reasons beyond the obvious, for poets especially. As well, this poem made me smile, so wonderfully did you wrap your meanings into the words. Thank you. Terry	2009-08-29 12:57:37
U.S. Hell Is Where Some Dwell	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I had heard of this some months ago, outside major U.S. cities. (Canada has too much winter and much lower population, plus better social services, less effected, so far.) I agree with your writing of it, and I am concerned that no mainstream media coverage is being given to this. I also read, that prime mortgages will be next, and those are people who had down-payments and equity in their homes, but because of job loss or medical bills can no longer make their mortgage payments. It is a travesty to empty out houses when people could be allowed to stay, take care of them, and then resume payments based on what income they have, even is it be social services for a time. They are ways Obama could help people, stabilize things until they improve. The rich won't be able to insulate themselves enough from anything, if social infrastructure doesn't hold. Best line in your poem-"potential dreams stuck on stall". I've been doing alot of reading on these things, just have no poems come concerning them; perhaps the facts are too stark. Thanks for posting this poem. Terry	2009-08-19 23:43:11
Too Late To Learn	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, The last line of the poem seems unrelated to the rest of the poem, kind of a pop-song ending (John Lennon -'All You Need is Love'); to what reads at first as serious political commentary [political? because of your use of teminology: 'elected', 'voted']. You have given 'hate' plenty of context in the poem, do the same with 'love', and the poem would be far more successful; at least there'd be some justification for your last line. Terry	2009-08-13 15:38:52
Intowards	James C. Horak	Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: 'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..' The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. Thomas Jefferson Excuse the quotes, they are going around the net. Information also abounds about the flu vaccine...psychotic effects found in trial runs. "They" know not what they do; and their ideas of containment are probably wrong, probably fucking wrong. Someone said on another forum, "when pigs fly", the saying has met prophecy. clever, but darkly so. Angry as hell, Terry	2009-07-31 00:01:53
Watermelon	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This poem would be a very cute sign on the gate of a watermelon farm. I'd like to see poetry everywhere and it could be. Now, if you do one about macademia nuts, I'd say we have lunch! Terry	2009-07-29 15:32:42
Y......	DeniMari Z.	A wonderful tribute to your son, Deni, and done so well poetically. I read that giving images to feelings is therapeutic. If you keep doing this, the process might lead you out of mere existence; and a poem like this one shows it doing so. The first two stanzas are gifted; the title might better be given more meaning to your theme. It is wonderful to have loved someone. That's one thing the reader sees in this poem and that is how the loss is more deeply significant. Terry	2009-07-28 19:28:45
The unpunished	Mark Andrew Hislop	This is a great poem. It stands quite wonderfully on its own and enriches the myth, rather than the myth enriching the poem. I find reading myths too bare-bones-like. This poem isn't, and modernized as you have, it springs 21st century. Thanks for posting. Terry	2009-07-28 19:17:00
Darkened Times	James C. Horak	No, you aren't writing about Gothic Art here, but if there were any kind of syncronicity, I was reading about Gothic Art when this poem was posted; it evoked in me the same feelings as this poem did. I know, so what?! Also, on the bookshelf, short stories by de Maupassant, 'the Dark Side'; so lacking in literary merit I could only bear to read a few. Maybe something was lost in translation? Interestingly though, the intro had this statement, "Of all forms of fiction, the fantastic and macabre allow the subconscious to speak most freely". I don't quite agree with that, but onwards to your poem. In ages where superstition dominated, people experienced less vacariously what movies and books now provide. Caldwell's, "Grandmother and the Priests" still to my mind is one of the best representations of the former. Now people have Anne Rice (who I've never read) and Bram Stoker's, 'Dracula'; and the goth subculture providing vicarious thrill. I only saw bored housewives reading Rice, which for some reason I found reason enough to not head down to Chapter's and join in. But Stoker's 'Dracula' was brilliant and if anything represents the complexity your poem speaks of, this movie did, even gives aspects of why the drawing in could ever be. Not all arises out of moral wasteland, or so the movie shows. But that is not what your poem says. And its definite occult undertones go straight into the modern age...David Lynch in "Eyes Wide Shut" perhaps portrayed the temptation of evil better than almost anyone. In many ways, as deep in meaning as Goethe's, 'Faust'. And Sylvia Plath said (and I paraphrase) "Pray you are not exceptional; the devil is only interested in the exceptional". Her limited husband never wrote one line as meaningful as that one. Those who have no faith take antidepressants, uncomfortably numb. It's faith that can be dangerous, for one must have faith. In something. Hope I've come close to the meaning of your poem. I find the last stanza enigmatic. Who is the speaker? Terry	2009-06-11 22:35:42
Regal Anger	DeniMari Z.	Yes, the Royal Family represents a lie. That is that they possess "divine right to rule". That's what books like 'da Vinci Code' are supposed to lay groundwork for mass acceptance. Why Elton John, Bill Gates, delight so much in their knighthood. The disgusting stretch of feudalism held out as some romantic ideal. We have alot to be pissed off about. Regal anger doesn't need a crown, just a pen. Terry	2009-06-10 13:16:22
Char-Cold	DeniMari Z.	Deni-Mari, Very good poem! The line "A volume of promises would not do." is powerful, and I would end the poem there; the last stanza has already been somewhat said previous in the poem. "Shades shaking fallen stars" has tremendous movement and depth, in fact is absolutely superb. Terry	2009-06-04 22:53:13
My Votes for April	James C. Horak	I just checked the critiquer ratings at contest end. I gave you a -10- for your critique of my poem 'All Alone'; and I gave DeniMari a -9-. The system doesn't show that. Tried to email you, email is not getting through. Terry tia567@canoemail.com (my new address)	2009-05-08 15:38:07
Wind Chimes	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena "Flowed as wind rippled over the cystal chimes" is such a beautiful line, one that perhaps shows poetry at its finest. No discordant undertones in the entire of this poem, and the substance of the poem summed up in the "I believe goodness will prevail" contains both a statement of who the poet is ("personal tones of faith")and a hope necessary perhaps to most of us. One of the reasons I also like this poem is because it is so important to remember the best of what we can all be. That faith is necessary every time anyone watches CNN. Merry Christmas to you. Terry	2008-12-14 14:14:18
Terry's Latest Submission	James C. Horak	Thanks. The poem was lightweight, but sometimes is what so far I haven't been able to find any really informed information on the non-determinist movement in poetry; but I gather (and I gather simply by studying the words) it means open-ended, not completely defined, where effects may precede causes so there's a timeless quality simply not all summed up in a tidy little pkg. For the most part, I stopped reading others poetry, because imitation is too easy for me, so I read dictionaries...it brings me closer to the meaning of words and then I can write my own meanings using words more fully. Words become tokens placed in context instead of enclosed objects with strictly defined meanings. I will still read other poets but none of the published "old school Harold Bloom" ones for awhile. What poetry society didn't define itself newly? The title of my poem...I believe you understand fully beyond what is written here. "fanciful"? maybe, the world seems to need some of that. It's lightweight but doesn't drag down. Nothing has to be mundane...and poems especially don't have to ever be mundane, poetically speaking. Terry	2008-11-22 12:15:52
Fire Ant	James C. Horak	Fire ants. Had to look them up, as these little creatures don't bite in my neck of the woods. Yikes! A fire ant queen is protected and groomed by her workers. These ants have hive (more commonly known as -borg- by sci-fi fans) mentality. It means they don't/can't think individually. They attack in groups, even small animals. Individuation has always determined the final development stage of any poet that has stood the test of time. That is what makes their work stand out and come to something. This poem is highly metaphoric, as I see, so is the fire ant. Great choice for an extended metaphor. The Queen fire ant is born with wings -the soul of a poet, for sure. Something causes their wings to fall off, then they crawl in the mud, supervising their workers. This poem also hints at elitist aristocracy,(palaces) those who judge others as less. Nobility of spirit has never been conferred by degrees, often only a pompous attitude towards those less so-endowed. There is no university or college that gives a degree that enables one to write GIFTED verse. Only the deluded think so. And I don't think there has ever been a great (real) scholar that was also not a humanitarian. I digress a little from your poem, but good poems make people THINK, not just look for the insecticide. There is a fly that decapitates the fire ant, just the sound of its wings causes the ants to hide. I'd change the word "cranking" to fit the metaphor better. Wait. Gadfly. cranking. Get it. Now this poem shows a beauty of condensed meaning, one of the elements of poetry that distinquish it from prose. And the metaphor is as rich as any metaphor could be. And I have not even touched upon the mating habits of the fire ant, but somewhere, "Nature loves you" makes it much larger than the insect world. Terry	2008-04-05 18:38:29
What Once Was	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, You write the most youthful poems. This one poses the quandaries of joy like love. Almost child like... "where is it?" like a flower tucked away that one looks for at the last minute before running off to school. The 'you- we- I" - of the poem is done so well, it's almost deceivingly simple, yet brings the reader to the...."you know" perfectly. Also shows what's becoming your most individual way of ending poems. The poem has joy in it and faith. To speak of poetic craft in the face of such exuberance seems besides-the-point; but "it exist" might be better as "it exists". The poem almost reads like a mosaic of musing, just don't forget the little details that can distract from the read. Terry	2008-03-30 03:14:58
The Grasping Cacoon	James C. Horak	For many people the word 'love' is a synonym for caring for the well-being of others. Or not a word, but a feeling that isn't easily put into words. And that romantic love is a little like a flu that people recover from, some more gracefully than others. Or the poem speaks of a parent's love for a child - that feeling is sometimes this perennial. Or the note speaks...more of a god's love. For who else but a god could anticipate so perfectly how an individual might change? When I think of love I always think it has something to do with geometry. Someday I'll find out why this thought occurs to me. Some say love enables all things noble, all sacrifice, all giving. But this is that synonym stuff again. Or that true love is impersonal, but that's like saying poems are impersonal. "A silk cord tying love to possession"...sometimes it seems more like tying love to gravity, most seem to have heavier feet then they want. Possession and obsession are like an abscessed tooth in the subconscious, hardly the whole of it, but difficult on the system. It's late, I'm rambling around thoughts; and you have presented such a wonderful poem, I should not. Perhaps change often has a little bit of nostalgia and a little bit of regret in it. Sometimes it's the spur of life force, where to not grow is death. That's the pivotal point that people can come to...once passed, it's either growth or diminishment. Idle comfort is really no comfort...I can see on people's faces what it costs them to act like it is. Perhaps it's similar to planets that come to crossroads. A good poem always makes a person think and feel. This one did. Terry	2008-03-30 02:31:07
We Care - But We Don't	DeniMari Z.	Hi DeniMari, This poem is a rant about ingratitude and self-sacrifice. Yet almost surprisingly free of bitterness. The literalness and lack of really gut-wrenching language in such themes as this one, usually mean the writer has not lost sight of what is important to them and the lessons learned are not too impossibly or darkly over-whelming. Also, the very intense, is very seldom as 'sing-songy' as the rhythm of this poem is. Terry	2008-03-09 21:04:52
The Beggar	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, The theme of gratitude come upon in the final lines of your poem. This poem truly shows that so often it is in the most unexpected ways, that something touches us with its meaning so intensely that all the travail of living vanishes, even for just awhile. The read of the poem and the description give it a medieval air, one appropriate to your telling. We forget sometimes that there are those not so contrained to the 'rat race', that have placed their values on different advance. That doesn't mean I'm sympathetic to the "Blessed are the poor..." when it's meaning was supposed to confront a corrupt priest caste, not make or give saintliness to poverty. That is not what your poem adresses, I understand this. Good poem and nice to see your range of subject matter expanding. Terry	2008-03-09 20:21:17
Reflections	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, The images - 'When I saw my reflection' 'In a mirror colored sky' are wonderful, and repeated with "I'm getting older still"; lend a certain poetic grandness to this poem. The repetition does give it a slight backdrop of music, also poignantly carry the sentiment, that of loss and change and introspection. The weakness of the poem, where you lose the poetry of it, is in the first stanza, too literal, also lacking in any poetic justice to the rest of the poem. 'I've been afraid of changes' and 'When life sometimes makes you bolder' are also too literally dull; and 'Like a bird in flight' is way too much of a cliche, and it dampens the poem's peculiar promise. I wouldn't bother saying all this, but there is a very nice music to the poem and it is really worth revising, just be a little more creative with a few of the lines. Sometimes it's just the time between changes that gives enough pause to reflect. 'Dreams that wrap around all of the memories', lend them far more significance in reflection -quite a lovely thought. Terry p.s. Stevie Nicks has some great songs.	2008-03-03 01:36:00
Melancholy’s Finale	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, This poem is delightful and so deceptively simple. Finale, the movement that leads to the body of the poem, which defines melancholy as being sad thoughtfulness. You use capital letters to delicately emphasize the change in thought, and the lack of punctuation in this poem, establishes a very contemplative pace, as though mirroring thoughts as they go through the mind. When thinking we do not punctuate (as though written on paper) our thoughts, rather space exists between them.) Now, in six short lines you bring up the most significant of subjects, 'mysteries of the mind', 'sadness of the soul' and "a miracle rare'. 'Science' and the other word in the poem most related to science, 'impervious' - impermeable, watertight; which swings back on the 'are still unknown'. As though science is not able to explain the mind or the soul or as yet hasn't, or so is 'wondered'. Every line in this poem enhances the other lines and it is effective because the reader is drawn into the contemplation, by thinking of these subjects too. Few words to raise questions of the highest calibre. The reader is 'left to wonder' too. That is what this poem achieves, it opens the doors to these thoughts. 'Requiring a miracle rare' is exquisite. As though the soul might touch upon the unexplained grace that miracles are, in receiving what is most needed. Terry p.s. Ken: No writer's block there! Glad to read the Muse is visiting you again!	2008-01-24 23:02:18
When Love Is Not Enough	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem has some beautiful lines, 'fog that flickers when I sigh' is really lovely. The tone, that of sorrow exampled by your using the elements of nature to mirror your inner state. Done quite well, and made poignant by not over-dressing, restraint intensifying your meanings. This poem finds tradition in all poems of love and loss, characterized by the inevitable change that time brings to all things. The poem speaks of resolve brought about by this. And the enormous difficulty of 'walking away' from the memories of someone so significant to your feelings. This leaves the reader with the question, can you walk away? Keeping all the memories, yet freed of the gravity of the past? Making of what remains of your life, something fuller by the past, but not limited to or burdened by it? Your poem shows slivers of resolve to do this, yet the weight of sorrow seems so strong. As you say, "First Footsteps are the longest'; but then you can't 'lose yourself in continuous sorrow'. I would change the word, 'continuous'; to better support the ending of the poem. I like that your poems are never overly-decorated and always dominated by sincerity. Because your poems are so personal, they never presume upon the reader any understanding that is not yours. Most of what you've posted on TPL is Romantic, emphasizing the importance of personal emotion and unity with nature, where nature and emotions might touch the soul. A good poem, Marilyn. Successful to its meaning. Terry	2008-01-23 17:17:23
Proceed With Caution	Rene L Bennett	Hi Rene, There are a few interesting things about this poem. By not using punctuation ("stopping for none'), you emphasize the subject, that of a journey. Then the unstructured indentation of lines, also bring to mind that of a winding mountain path. The rhyme is child-like which hints of newness, diction is as simple as can be, which again stresses this almost unencumbered feeling of leaving things behind. The title 'Proceed With Caution' relates to 'looking both ways' but with resolve 'stopping for none', and with 'no desire to turn back'. The mountain is a symbol of progress to something better, climbing is always up. In the most simple of ways, you present an experiential poem, where the reader senses the events in the poem transcend themselves, suggest a larger reason for the victory. But you do not portray any sense to the reader of what it all means, why there has been progress from the lowlands. The poem indicates much more, but there is no hint to the meaning. If you could provide more context, the poem would have more substance. Or else, bring more imagery into it, so you give the poem more flavor. The poem doesn't have to tell the reader everything, but this one is too skeletal. Terry	2008-01-22 23:59:59
Gone The Sweet Sound Of The Lark	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, In this poem, you’re mixing ideas around like a recipe gone amok –‘sweetness in the middle of a cream puff’ meant to convey empty calories, no sustenance, sweetness without depth - that metaphor is the closest to your meaning. This ties well into the theme of your poem, that of distress with superficiality. The poem is a statement about wanting substance, real meaning; “kingdom of wonderful intentions” and the disappointment ‘thought something special was there’. Wanting ‘not magic’ but ‘all things noble’, in short, things to be exactly as they seem not “pretentious façade that cannot be readily trusted”. You state you do not want false sweetness, false praise but you do not make a case for ‘predacious spider’s web’; unless you bring into the poem the reasons for the harshness/judgement conveyed by these words. Many praise because they want to be liked, many flatter because they are afraid of confrontation, many smile because they really have nothing to say. Superficial, but often with no intention to harm. If you mean something more serious, it can be shown by even a few words, so that the reader knows WHY the writer uses these intense words. I understand what you are saying, but you choose to represent your ideas by denigrating several things that are in themselves good and you seem to state that life and growth require foregoing the benefit that comes from the lighter touches of life. If you want to convey better the theme of your poem, pick your issues, which I think is form without substance, sweetness false smiles, show how and why they can ensnare, and then choose your metaphors to show your meaning, contrasted to something other than what is by nature good. There is nothing of nature ('sweet sound of the lark') that has to be forsaken in seeking the real. Unless you, as some Christian mystics consider all of the sensory world a temptation leading to hell. Which I don’t think you do. Now, you say several things in this poem in good poetic ways, and I think this poem has potential to show what you’re trying to say with far less confusion. I hope you will keep every good part, and just run the thread closer to your meaning. Terry	2008-01-17 13:09:39
If my heart was one within itself	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This is too late for last month's contest, where I feel it should have placed far higher then it did, all of your poems should have. I hope you are not discouraged by the contest, its proven haphazard and I rarely agree with all the choices, but the only way to change that is to gather voting weight. This poem, as prayer, carries a wonderful sincerity combined with poetic sensitivity and the depth of both the mind and the heart. It is in the tradition of the great Christian poets, different from Hopkins in style, but no less in rendering as in the best of Hopkins or Keat's work in this regard. Refreshing too, to read a poem that struggles with great concerns. Terry	2008-01-14 19:38:56
Upon January	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem is pastoral, in the sense that it depicts idyllic nature. You do it very well, the poem has a very nice feel to the read, the images almost as though they came from fairy lore. (Damn, I wish fairy still always meant fairy, a natural and beautiful nature creature, which is how I use it here. And gay, why did that word have to become associated with sexual preference? I didn't even know birds were what some call women, unless we say hawk or eagle, then that means a man. Anyway, sometimes inventing new words would mark creativity, rather then upsconding with words that had perfectly good meanings to begin with. Did you know Shakespeare invented one out of every twelve words he used? And why can't I find the word "jist" in anyone of my three dictionaries? The jist of something!) The best lines in this poem are: "The moon still lingers, pearls of tears we cry are lustrous white in winter's ice and chill." And with wonderful lines like that, I don't even want to say anything else. But I will. To give a poem exceptional quality now, in other words, not to be merely an example of the superb use of imagery and symbol, the writer must endow what they write with something more extraordinary, something deeper, more drawn from deeper wells; less decorative. You have it in you to lend more significance to your poems. For a start, read the Chinese poets, TuFu, Li Po, others. They use nature to say something more. Terry	2008-01-14 19:03:44
Lavished Lullaby	James C. Horak	Hi James, Economy of words is not practiced better here by anyone! The title seemed confusing...a generous, abundant, bestowed with profusion, a song to quiet babies or put them to sleep. The death imagery in the second stanza brings the chilling realization of "unknowing what she evoked". This poem is beautifully done, because every word, every phrase contributes to the meaning, not one word superflurous. Motive or that which might render the poem a completeness is not apparent. I do not know if that is a lack in the reading or in the writing. As it is, there is no moral to the poem, it is a snapshot, an extremely poetical one. Terry	2008-01-14 18:15:30
Reaches Out	Claudia F. Sepe	Hi Claudia, Welcome to TLP. This poem defines itself not by being muchly poetical, but by having a list-like quality telling the age old story of how the sins of parents are visited upon the children. As it comes across and you say it is, an extremely personal poem sharing with the reader your own feelings, nothing can really be said about it as a poem. Some people here have said that writing can be very theraputic, I hope this is the case for you. And that the way you conclude the poem, is not the final statement of how you approach life. We are only victims if we let ourselves be and it requires strength of purpose to pull up from the errors of the past. Again, it is difficult for the reader to determine what you might want in ways of a critique. Terry	2008-01-14 17:46:43
A True Story	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, This is a prose poem, actually only resembling a poem because you have used line breaks in a poetic fashion. It could be the theme of a short story, but even then, it needs individuation in order to find a place in memory. Many older people, from those generations that took part in the wars acquired unique characteristics, either in appearance or phrase or habit. The reader does not really know anything about your grandfather that makes him special. The tone and some of the words carry the affection between the grandfather and grandson, but what else can you tell us, how could this poem be given more depth, more show instead of tell? The theme is important, and hints broadly at the machination behind war. Perhaps even more significant now than ever before. That is the significance of this poem and worth saying better. Terry	2008-01-14 17:30:08
O lucky man	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Just as I said. You write some remarkable poetry. Enjoy Mr. Bloom. I'm reading Mallarme, Verlaine, TuFu and the french symbolists for my Christmas dinner this year. At last! A chance to do what I want to do. Happy New Year! Terry ps I read two books on critiquing, and this is all I come with for a critique. overload, and then don't want to be scholarly critical. Next year, maybe. Liked this poem very much.	2007-12-24 02:41:07
On White Winds of Winter...	Mary J Coffman	Mary, Your imagery is breathtaking, unique and original. You are quite accomplished at showing inner states. Two things though, I find the font you use distracting. For powerful words, the font is too wispy, yours suits invitations to weddings. (Am I being trivial? I hope not.) The words you use are not for the most part, especially in this poem, lightweight. A tear dropping is, arguably, a matter of high seriousness. The second thing is that the poem needs more connection to be made with the readers. Establish a reason for caring, unless depicting depression was your only intention. You do it very well but your superb imagery needs to extend into the world wide world more in order to become more relevant to readers. Merry Christmas to you and yours! Terry	2007-12-24 02:27:08
Tears in December	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem IS as gentle as soft falling snow. So much gifted imagery, 'winter's wrap of amethyst' is outstanding, as is "past horizon's lip". "melt against the glass and trace my name" is singularily touching and is the pivotal depth of the poem, around which all else surrounds. Really lovely. Showing wonderfully the place always in poetry for the heart. Best wishes to you at this, and for most, bittersweet time of the year. Merry Christmas. Terry	2007-12-24 01:27:09
Whispers	Rene L Bennett	Hi Rene, Something new and an experiment poem, you say. What you have done here is very good. Interesting imagery, and a nice progression actually leading to something unexpected. Done poetically in every regard. Only suggestion is, in such a short poem, you might use a title that contributes more interest and that adds to the substance of the poem more. I've had difficulty finding titles for my poems that do that, but I keep trying. Very good submission for the end of the year and one I've liked most of your submissions these last few months. Merry Christmas! Terry	2007-12-24 01:15:36
When the Monkey Grinds the Organ	James C. Horak	Among the many statements this poem makes, if I may, I will bring it down to the level of TPL. Chris shows up and tells us, that as a computer programmer, he can not deal with a spam problem, when its apparent every other webmaster can. He tells us he has to continue to charge us for posting poetry to prevent the site from being spammed, when hundreds of other sites do not seem to have that problem. Oh yes, I guess that’s because the webmaster or moderators actually handle problems like that and do not consider them insurmountable. Chris tells us he’s been soooo busy, brings in the heart-tugging baby while allowing us to see the 30 or 40 thousand dollar workshop added onto his house; ignoring completely the offer by members of TPL to relieve his enormous burdens if he will find a way or allow members to make changes, or even manage the site. Now since some say we have no right to Chris’s intellectual property whatever the hell that was supposed to mean, it may be construed that any suggestions towards improving TPL is not important to webmaster Chris who has no time to look after the site, answer member inquiries, and deal honestly with all of our concerns. And he thinks that any excuse is a good excuse to those that don’t take the time to examine the matter closely. While we TPL members are treated as though we are morons. And I am saying this here, yes, this critique is a rant; because no other member but you has challenged the state of things. Leaving me wondering if I am a moron for posting on TPL at all, or all we all just monkeys grinding Chris's organ? Or can the poetry be greater then a pathetic webmaster? Can the citizens of earth vanquish corruption in leadership? Terry “diligent to promise few can name.”	2007-11-27 15:15:47
Green Christmas Purse	Lola Blaze	Hi Lola, First let me say, you have the most wonderful name for a poet. Easy to remember, poetic to extreme, and a comment on every piece of writing you attach it too. I went back in the archives and read some of the poetry you’ve submitted to TPL, and want to say, it’s good to see you submitting again. Your poetry is an asset to the site. The significant thing about this poem is that it’s interesting to read a poem in which the relationship between a man and woman hasn’t been “complicated” out of the realm of possibility of joy and of pleasure. The modern age provides too many ‘second thoughts” to burden relationships nowadays. As did Victorian times, when women had to fear pregnancy in societies where virtue was a woman’s only bargaining chip. More freedom now does not automatically mean that pleasure has in it kindness, caring and concern for another’s well-being. But your lighthearted poem does and is, just that. And sometimes it's just nice to not let time into the critique! Terry	2007-11-27 14:47:24
Ticket in her pocket	Deborah L Bird	Hello Michael, If this is close to Deb's last work, then I think that at some subliminal level she knew she was leaving. That this was completely directed at you, her husband is evident, as though she trusted that even with loss, love would not be lost, rather span (be) greater then ever. This is shown in the words: "whomever was left here would carry on the love shared by both a love that encompassed two worlds" Now in this line, "in her jacket pocket she felt the ticket", clearly she knew it was travelling time...the spirit no less prepares than the body, and using similar "facts" of transportation. Here, the poet has no haunting guilt about leaving which indicates faith in others; and moves towards something exquisitely remembered, not weighed entirely by mortal realm. "but it was right to leave everyone and run to that hauntingly beautiful place they shared together where their love was one" And again, the poet anticipates: "she had thought of this day many times in the weeks past". I have been studying the lives of the poets, and it is not all that unusual for a poet to indicate an intuitive divine of the future even unknownst to themselves; and what others can see only in retrospect. In this poem, Debbie was gentle, resigned in a good way, and at peace with a faith that love did have meaning. The trip (her leaving?) seemed blessedly peaceful in anticipation. I don't know if any of these comments are meaningful to you Michael? My Mother passed away two months ago and perhaps I'm more sensitive then usual to what loss can mean. Sincere condolences to you and family. The first christmas without a loved one can be bitter sweet in many ways. Thank you for sharing this with TPL. Terry	2007-11-27 14:20:25
Tapestry	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I like this poem very much, the lines - pine will sway gathered light will shine as: pine will sway gathered light will shine are marvelously integrated, going back and forward at the same time. Can you see this? It makes of a nature poem something more special then just apt imagery. All nature poetry must have more now to be better then just a gift for description. The last line, "even though you are gone", simple, unexpected, giving a whole wonderful level of meaning to the previous lines. Very reminescent of some of the great oriental poets, (Basho, comes to mind) where we are at first fooled by the simplicity, then surprised by the depth such simple writing can convey. Very good and the good of your own style! Terry	2007-11-27 13:56:27
Everything Is	Thomas H. Smihula	Hello Thomas, Is there some reason for the outpouring of all the poems? Are you using up credits, or just showing a body of work? In a way, all of these poems present a questioning search for answers about relationships with the world and people..."like what does it all mean"? I chose this poem to comment on, because it ends with the most original lines of them all - "Never doubt, one's feelings for some things, are just the peelings." The theme of duality is very interesting. Some have said there are really no opposites, there are just things unlike the other, there are no synonyms, just words that kinda share an umbrella. The word 'love' to me through is the biggest synonym of all -it is only the sum of qualities assigned to it by each individual differently; i.e. similar to. "A combination of all the emotions' and often, even less then that. Or more. You said the poem was written in Viet Nam. The extremes must have been stark. Terry	2007-11-15 09:55:54
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