Sandra J Kelley's E-Mail Address: sjkly@yahoo.com
Sandra's Favorite Song: Blond over Blue

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Sandra J Kelley	Critique Date
The Scar the Wing Leaves	G. Donald Cribbs	G. This poem is reminiscent of Frost's I have out walked the furthest city lights... I like the image of you wearing your brother's shoes it gives a sence of grief or mourning to the poem. And then there is the fatalistic acceptance of what is happening and the knowledge that sometimes god is larger than our understanding of him. Overall I like this poem very much nice job. Sandra	2004-05-29 09:20:45
japanese verse 49 (Eclipse)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, I am not sure I could have come up with a solar eclipse from your poem but knowing what you were intending I think you chose exactly the right words pirate of darkness is perfect it implies theft and kidnap and disruption. I enjoyed this one. Sandra	2004-05-29 09:14:55
Song of Praise	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, the poem by its nature forces the reader to slow down and really read it because of the comend condemned repitions-good point in the last line if someone just comends it is like damning with faint praise. In that regard-it is a little hard to read aloud-I start stumbling over the words rather quickly. I did like it though it is clever. Sandra	2004-05-28 20:06:35
The Color of Harmony	Mell W. Morris	Mell, I like the poem very much-however, I think that with a name like color of harmony we need some colors in the poem also, that would give a visual to go with the auditory nature of this poem. I forget how joy feels until it returns And then it is akin to Coltrane realms. (that is great) His hand at the helm, matter falls away From itself. Whatever the situation, The emotional part (of any event I would think about omiting these words)has more Appeal: the (grey silk) shadow cast more interesting Than its source. My days extend in grief Until relief appears and I strive to save Myself from me in between. My feelings Resist words so how can you know what I cannot say? I seek peace in mind and body And I perpetuate while (white, blue )droplets of happy Punctuate often enough to guarantee my Continued search. Then comes the hour When my being reappears, renewed, no ails, Resonant as both tines of a tuning fork. Ah, there will be high C and champagne Uncorked for all notes on the scale... And especially abounding, The sound of me. I like the poem and love coltrane being compared to joy. I do think that color would add impact but don't subtract the music and sound this is based on. Sandra	2004-05-26 18:13:15
Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I love this poem. I can't find a copy of Mary Oliver's poem to compare it to so this will be basedon your work alone. Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. (singing like a waterfall is a wonderful line I love the way I can hear the birds liquid voice) I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: ( somehow this solves the mystery without subtracting any of the joy of this poem.) I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. (there is something in this that reminds me of Robert Frost. I love these details) If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for. (and this line is more than the bird it is everyone and everything we have ever lost or had gone away. Joanne a wonderful poem. Sandra	2004-05-24 20:49:00
This Leda and Her Swan	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas, I work with people with Mental Retardation and multiple handicapped adults so this poem truly spoke to me. Your first stanza does a good job bringing to mind the images of erotic art without being graphic and sets the poem up nicely to transition to the second and third. But what of a palsied boy, locked in the wheeled Chair, hidden within the crooked stiff unwieldy self? (one of my clients is a twenty two year old man with CP-he has a girlfriend in the agency with the same condition-everyone thinks its cute-I wonder if they would feel the same if the couple were sexually active) What of his swank head? What of his passion? Should he chance meet a princess - One From another realm, what be his goals?(another of my clients has a goal-he wants to get married to someone who is not a part of the agency) Any different than the Swan’s? Any less Royal? Any less impotent? Where unsheath he his sword? And if Leda is a thirty-something babe with Downs’? Who’s zoomin’ who? One wonders which Agency Would the loudest hue and cry raise to protect her. (and we would almost instinctively try to end the relationship if it were a healthy relationship-consentual between the two however it seems that some agencys are not so quick to end the relationship when it is not based on consent-go figure) Protect from what? Breast to breast, they lay. The palm, so creased, redirects the dark storm. The offspring cry out from the simplest omelet - From the deep heart of man, that beast in each of us. I love your poem-not just on the personal level but on the level of excellent writting giving service to social issues. I will look for this on the winners list. Sandra	2004-05-23 21:52:27
By The Seat Of My Pants	Marcia McCaslin	Well Marcia, by definition a sonnet is a fourteen line poem so this is missing a few lines however it follows the convention of a shakesperean sonnet other than the four missing lines. Your rhyme scheme is nice and you did it so that it sounds natural with no forced rhymes which is the hardest part of writing a sonnet. One thing I really like about the poem is the lively language and active verbs-also, the internal rhyme withing the lines is great. Overalll this is a great poem. Sandra	2004-05-23 21:28:45
Skylark	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, very nice job with this poem. I like the structure the longer lines and shorter stanzas and the echoing soars skylark, give this a very lyrical feel. The detail and imagery of your poem make it very immediate and accessable I espescially like notes of rain it is as if the rain is singing and you are inviting me to share the sound with you. And then the chourus changes and becomes in truth an invitation one I am more than ready to take you up on by the time we get there. Great job-can't wait to see this one on the winners list. Sandra	2004-05-22 17:27:51
Upon Making the Acquaintance of Death	Edwin John Krizek	Edwin this is the best of your poems that I read today. I especially like your more concrete comparisons such as the naked musician. I also love this section What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?(this puts us right smack in the middle of our lives and asks us what it is worth and why should we care) I am the tide of the life moving relentlessly over your soul. Moving slowly and certainly over your entire universe as you (this line is a little less substantial than the rest ofthe section) float suspended in your unconscious never really knowing whether you’re asleep or awake. I am the dream of dreams, the alpha and omega. I am the ultimate reality. I would probably not use all capitals in the last line you don't need to keeping it on a line by itself provides the extra emphasis you want. Overall, you have done a great job with this one. Sandra	2004-05-20 20:52:17
Remembering	Karen Ragan	Well, Karen, I am sorry you had to go through something like that. You made the right decisions with this poem though. Not using a lot of punctuation leaves the poem more open and lets the experiences flow into each other. I like how you layer the silence throughout the poem. First the sound of a single heartbeat, then silence than whispers then deaf ears-all of these qualities of sound and silence are so vividly real. They are a part of the universal experience of death and waiting. This poem is so well done I can feel this moment with you the waiting, the loss, the almost but not quite relief that it is over-but at the same time that is the moment when the grief really starts. Nice job with this poem. Sandra	2004-05-18 20:46:53
Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors	Joanne M Uppendahl	geraniums are sometimes veiled angels. In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces, long leafy arms, rise up and out as if in praise. They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. Seeing their faces, feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors nearly see them wink. Joanne, I would not go with exactly what I did to the top of your poem because it changes it too much from your intention. However, I might tighten that up a little. This is really a beautiful poem and a nice vision of both heaven and the geraniums. I enjoyed this. Sandra	2004-05-14 19:21:30
Where The Heart Is	Mell W. Morris	Mell, this is wonderful, I love to see the bits and pieces of yourself you have left in all of the places where you have been. I also love the lilac that is throughout the poem. Where I grew up there was a lilac bush outside the front door and this poem reminded me of that pogiently. Here they do not grow at all well. I also enjoyed how you added another layer to think about when you introduced the idea of the homeless having no place to grow lilacs. Very nicely done. Sandra	2004-05-13 14:46:20
Beside the Gate	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, lovely. I love the details and the sense of longing that you create in this poem. You really show us what holds you here even when something is calling you away. I love earth's pumping heart. As always your poem is wonderful I am glad I came across it today.	2004-05-13 14:41:35
Australia, My Home	Alexander Inman	Alexander, the good thing about your poems is you use a lot of concrete images, the specific names of animals and rocks the discriptives like color, tempeture etc that allow us to see and feel what you are experiencing. Also, you have nice rythm and your rhyme is natural and unforced. Keep on making up poems and read the greats, frost, lawler, blake, shakespear, cummings, ginsburg. Good luck with your future writing. Sandra	2004-05-09 21:35:33
ABC's of Life	Mick Fraser	Mick, yes a little prosy but you can fix that. You have all the elements for a great poem here. The cardnal is a great symbol to tell this story with and your last line is perfect. Sandra	2004-05-07 17:31:41
Nightfall	Mark Andrew Hislop	Wow Mark, that is really fabulous I love the image of the sheet of clouds falling. This also contains the moment of unexpected revelation which is so critical to haiku. Nice job. Sandra	2004-05-04 17:26:40
Rain	Valene L Johnson	Valene, this is a neat haiku. I like the the rain drops first dancing then taking the place of braille dots on paper. This poem relies on sound it has a stacato rhythm like rain but a happy one due to the cheery sound of the word merrily. I truly enjoyed this. Sandra	2004-04-21 17:04:59
Why is it that.....	Sherri L. West	Sherri,that is great. I love the attitude that refuses to acknowledge ageing just throw out the mirror... I would only suggest that brevity is the soul of wit and remove some of the words for example the line why is it that, the poem reads better without it. I love this poem though and the suggestion is just a matter of prefference. Sandra	2004-04-14 17:43:23
Search and Seizure in the Ache of Day	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel, your discriptions are beautifulthe details so exact that I am standing in the kitchen with the aent and I am sweating too. You manage to fill this peice with sorrow or regret the picture of the house seems so abandoned all I can think about is someones dreams dying in that place before we got to this point. Very nice job. Sandra	2004-04-04 18:11:51
Seeking Comfort	Jane A Day	Jane, this is wonderful the discriptions are really fantastic. I also like the consance of repeated c sounds in the first stanza and then the f's in the last stanza. The contrast between the extreem cold outside and the warm implied by flint and flame in the end is great. Sandra	2004-04-04 17:52:20
Senryu 154	Michael J. Cluff	anger loud and lush is a wonderful end line. I like how you stuck to the nature image, the only intrusions of man in this poem is the donut and perhaps ecru ledge although that could be something natural even if I did think of a window. your language is beautiful and the form well done. Sandra	2004-03-28 18:20:01
Purposely Me	DeniMari Z.	Deni, I would start with line three I want to... and other than that change nothing this is a powerful poem because it puts your goals and things you can aim for right out there for the world, and you to look at. Overall you have done a good job with this one I would start later just because the first two lines are not as dynamic and powerful as the rest. Sandra	2004-03-28 18:16:27
What Missing You Means	Rick Barnes	Rick this is a really fabulous poem. I love wrapping our arms around nothing but hope and the sence in this poem of being together but not being together and therefore willfully missing each other it is so true and so much a part of the human condition and yet now you do not even have that do not even have the dream and you realize that even those moments were precious. I really enjoyed this piece. Sandra	2004-03-27 08:18:53
BackStroke	Rebecca Lee	Rebecca what works best in this poem is all of the specific detail in the first stanza it gives us an image to hold on to when we get to the line take me back. We can go back with you because you painted such a nice picture of that time. The structure of the poem this thin line that flows down the page works well for you it helps to convey that time itself is flowing and taking us with it. Then at the end the poem thickens up like time doubling back on itself-nice job. Sandra	2004-03-20 16:29:06
Doppler Effect (Revision)	Joan M Whiteman	Joan good luck with the atlantic monthly. I love the first two lines and again the last stanza is awesome. In lines 3 and 4 you get a touch wordy and bringing to mind is a phrase that distances the reader from the experience of the poem I would tighten it up a little and be a bit more immediate something like gently roughing her cheek and becoming his touch, the sweet taste of temptation. The second stanza is great. In the third instead of introducing an unrelated image filled to the brink which suggests a damn or a lake or something I would go with another train related image such as rattling her soul-rattling would imply the sound of the train on the tracks-or come up with another image related to the sound or sight of a moving train. And then the rest of the poem is perfect. Good luck-I was a little tough on this one because it deserves to be published and I want you to have the best possible chance. Sandra	2004-03-18 20:01:26
Courage is Fear That Has Said Its Prayers	Cathy Hill Cook	Cathy, I like that statement courage is fear that has said its prayers-once you let god take control you don't stop being afraid but you have the courage to do it anyway. I do have one suggestion. brilliant colored pictures is a vague phrase it might be more meaningful if you described what you are seeing name some of the colors etc. I like the rocking chair analogy it is concrete we know what you are talking about immediately. Overall you did a nice job with this one. Sandra	2004-03-18 19:40:01
Memories of Bertha	Sherri L. West	The smell of coffee, with cream and sugar and I am four again, nestled safely in your comfy lap, my ear pressed against your breast. I like to listen as you swallow. the warmth of the brew passes from you to me. Your coffee-coated conversation covers me restfulness and the purity of love engulf me. Sherri, I hope you don't mind I went through and condenced your first stanza to demonstrate that one way to convey emotions and ideas more powerfully in poetry is to remove extra words and to just say things without explaining that it is a memory or a thought or whatever. I think the rest of the poem could also use the same tightening. I want you to know though that I think this is terriffic poetry. Your imagery is fantastic and touches on all of the sences. The sence of smell is the sence most strongly correlated with both emotion and memory so starting with the coffee was great. The details of what you remember about your grandfather are also great they allow the reader to come to know him even as you knew him and to miss him as you miss him. Great job. Sandra	2004-03-14 20:09:52
Vandenbergs Love	DeniMari Z.	Deni, this poem is really powerful. I like that you say the couple is bonded although not wed. Bonded is a word that really implies a volintary comitment that is so deep that it is not easily broken an emotion that is an essential part of the individual. Bonded is the perfect word to use in this poem. My blessing is having your ring of love...- this line too is exactly right. We are used to saying count your blessings as if we need a multitued of them but you change that around my blessing here implies that this one blessing is enough it is all the speaker needs. Great writing here. And then the ending is also very well done. Overall I really enjoyed this poem. Sandra	2004-03-13 21:31:19
So What	Regis L Chapman	Regis, this is also the same thing ginsburg was getting at when he wrote the howl.He wanted to just put the poetic impulse on the page and let it hang out there raw. He later did some minor revisions to his hand written copy but it is almost the same now as it was when he first wrote it. The long stanza in the middle of the poem is the strongest as the first stanzas can be read as dismissive of poetic tradition-although when you read the whole poem you do understand that the author is not saying poetic tradition is unimportant just that it is not everything and that developing your own voice and expressing yourself is also important. I enjoyed this very much. Sandra	2004-03-13 20:41:42
Escape	Regis L Chapman	Regis, this poem has some really interesting stuff going on in it but I think it needs to be tightened up. I want to escape (want is not a very strong verb how about yearn, desire or something deeper and stronger) from [the] reminders [that](of) someone [has been] here before {I don't even know why I feel this but I still do} these lines probabaly don't need to be here but if you want to express this idea try to do it in fewer words and a stronger verb) and as I drive by you protected by my windshield and you by yours The above three lines are the best ones in the poem the idea is originally expressed and the imagery is good. It is also quite insightful. I [can] stare out at you and yours as I go by and know [that] you feel this too [sometimes] I would like to know you [I would like] to talk about [what we can do to ]make(ing) it different but then again I don't want to see you near me anymore, either... whatever shall we do? I really like that central image of being protected by the windows of the car it makes the whole poem work..My suggesetions are just to make it more condenced. Think of it as being a spring the tighter you get it the more power it has. Sandra	2004-03-13 20:32:10
APPROACHING FULL CIRCLE (a self portrait)	Marcia McCaslin	Marcia, I really enjoyed your poem. One comment I have is that you might want to concider putting it all in present tense instead of switching to past tense. My childhood has caught up with me. (I like this) I gave it a firm brush-off, for I had important, compelling (how true we get so busy we forget to do things that are just for fun) things to do, and it would slow me down. For a long while, it waited in the distance, a child in shadows, admiring me, (I like a child in shadows it adds to your image of neglect) wanting to be my friend-- (good stanza break it adds some emphasis to the next line) and my equal.(we so often forget that we work to live not live to work and this child reminds you that all of those urgent things you do may not be all that important) When my first grandchild arrived, I heard myself talking baby talk but not only to her: to friends, my husband, my coworkers. (lol-I like that) All the years in between: the pregnancies, snarled relationships, pets, children, horseback riding, skiing, Dancers' Workshop, the little certificates of achievement (little certificates... that is a fabulous line it is so dismissing) have gone--poof! Only the child remains, holding my hand, listening to my stories, being my friend-- and my equal. and the end is strong it shows what you have learned and goes full circle. Overall you have done a great job with this poem. Sandra	2004-03-12 08:21:22
The Fiasco In Me	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, this is a sad portrait, the feeling that you are presenting a clean brave put together face to the world while at the same time feeling like you are not what you seem. I wrote a poem about myself as a tree that was rotting inside out your poem reminds me of that. And then the implication in the last two lines that we fool ourselves more than we fool others is also interesting. I liked this very much. Sandra	2004-03-11 20:01:20
I Am Fred	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, this is quite clever, it is the type of thing I would read to kids in day care when I worked there and I can picture this illustrated and used as a read along book that the kids chant along with you. The only suggestion I have is in the last line bob is a stopper it interupts the flow of the line the double b sounds are the problem how about bill instead. Overall I think you did a terriffic job with this. Sandra	2004-03-09 21:10:39
Shhh	Michele Rae Mann	Michelle, the strongest parts of your poem are in the first three stanzas when you appeall to each of the senses. That appeal really draws the reader in and prepares them for the more philosophical and personal stanzas at the end. One thing I would look at is the repeated use of words (shhh works because the repition is part of the form of the poem) what I am talking about is using the word fear twice in the fourth stanza faith three times and petrified and petrifing in the fifth. You might want to concider using other words that have similar meaning rather than repeating those words. Overall, I like the poem a lot it has a very reflective quality. Sandra	2004-03-07 16:23:45
Truth	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel, I have always found the sonnet a difficult form but you make it seem so easy. I am sure you actually sweated over it but it doesn't show-there are no places where the language has been wretched out of joint for the sake of the form no rhymes where the word is not quite right but used anyway because it rhymes. In other words you did this one just right. Sandra	2004-02-28 20:30:18
A Growing Appetite for Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I love this it is so specific and also has such great commentary on the human as well as animal condition. I might suggest changing the ending a bit make it almost haiku like The coldest tundra savors new life; thriving under winter wraps. like us isn't neccessary the reader will make the comparison anyway-or at least that is how I think they would respond and it makes the poem end a little stronger. This poem is wonderful. Sandra	2004-02-28 20:14:06
Just Like You	Mick Fraser	Mick, this is a good tribute to your father and also a good poem. I like the list of things you don't know, of things you have heard, and ways you are like him. The end of the poem where you reveal that you have the same heart defect is a good ending for a poem but sad for a life. If you decide to revise this I woul concentrate on making it more concise. Overall, I enjoyed your poem very much.	2004-02-28 20:05:16
japanese verse 21 to 40 - Second Collection	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Well amnesia, water lilies and prayer are my favorites. Vulture and Ku Klux Klan are a little heavy on alliteration for me but that is just a personal reaction. I enjoy camel too- I can see this beast swaying through the desert with the hills on his back. Will is less concrete and more conceptual than most of your work. Well, I know I did not touch on each one but I did want to let you know what I liked best. Sandra	2004-02-28 19:59:24
Then I'll Dance With Dragonflies	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I really just don't know what to say. I read this poem several days ago and just did not feel up to critiquing it then because I feel this poem is hinting at something extraordinary. I love how you name some things like the swallowtail and wonder why you use great bears instead of being more specific-are they grizzlies, polar, brown... I love the respect this poem gives to the small lives. Who else would study mosquitoes. Then I'll dance with dragonflies if I dare-that line twists the poem into being also about you about your willingness to take chances to dream of flying. I enjoyed this poem very much but feel like I'm not doing it justice. Sandra	2004-02-28 19:51:35
Winter Trees	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, all I would do is get rid of as so its not a simili. Something like bare branches dancing lover's embrace enacting in orchestra wind Capital letters are not traditionally used in haiku. I like the images in your poem very much. Sandra	2004-02-27 20:48:34
One Just Bell	Rick Barnes	Rick, wow I like this the power in your last statement has built up throught out the poem in all of the bells you do not want to hear. I really like this and hope to see it on the winners list. Sandra	2004-02-27 20:43:30
japanese verse 40 (Petals)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, this is a nice thought for valentines day. It is not one of your best poems however, I think lovely and blossom are not the strongest images you could use and a similie seems out of place in japanese verse. I know this was probably just written to express you thoughts on valintines day which it does so it works in its own way. sandra	2004-02-27 20:33:53
haikuhaiku	Regis L Chapman	Regis, well I must confess to counting as well. This as has been pointed out quite a bit about other japaneses verse posted on the link recently is a senryu rather than a haiku but it works what ever you call it. I like the counting on fingers it brings to mind many images first of children counting their math problems then poets of all ages counting syllables. I like this thank you for sharing. Sandra	2004-02-27 20:13:46
Down The Mountain	Regis L Chapman	Regis, many of the images in your note, ever green crops, rain clouds etc, should be included in your poem. They are beautiful. On the other hand hues and colors is pretty vague. It might be more powerful if you included the mention of the green plants, grey clouds etc in the poem. The intensity of your feelings does come through in your poem as you introduce new things to think about in each line. Overall nice job. Sandra	2004-02-27 19:54:24
HeartCircles	Rebecca Lee	Rebecca, I really enjoyed your poem. I do think you might want to concider changing the order of your lines a little. the flower throws its pollen the tree flings its seeds all beauty ends and blooms again... What rearranging the order of the lines does is put the specific lines with concrete images and powerfull verbs first where they can hook the reader. Changing the line breaks puts the verbs in the most important point in the line so that they carry more weight. I did truly enjoy the poem though and this was just a suggestion. Sandra	2004-02-27 17:45:48
What Gives?	Michael J. Cluff	unvaries is an interesting choice. It implies becoming more similar. The uniform veries less as time goes by but your word says it more eloquently. Rejoicing is a surprising ending since I expected to hear that you did not like that kind of life. Overall that is what I like about this poem the unfamiliarity the surprises you spring on me. Also the specificity of the discriptions in the first stanza is good. Sandra	2004-02-27 17:33:20
japanese verse 39 (Amnesia)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	erzahl, I love the line I lost time again. It refers to so many things including just being with someone and enjoying it so much that time loses meaning. I also like how you start the poem with time friday afternoon and then end it outside of time. Very nice job with this one. Sandra	2004-02-27 17:24:31
Senryu 135	Michael J. Cluff	I like your use of color it is so mater of fact against the starkness of your statement about a murder. I find the chris and robin slightly disturbing because of childhood memories of christopher robin but maybe that is what your going for. Either way, I like the poem. Sandra	2004-02-26 16:57:14
A Passion For Senryu	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas, I think the alternating lines telling two parrellel stories was a great choice for this poem it keeps the graphic nature of the murder from overwhelming the reader. It also helps to create the feeling of interested involvement that would lead someone to call the police but leave them not that worried. I truly liked your poem and will look for it on the winners list. Sandra	2004-02-26 16:49:04
Senyru 132	Michael J. Cluff	Wow, Michael, I don't know what to say. Your first line is great imagery. Your second line is technically correcta little graphic when attached to your first line and a perfect set up for your last line. Your last line is a deep philosophical statement. I hope to see more poems like this one its terrific. Sandra	2004-02-25 15:59:04
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