Jordan Brendez Bandojo's E-Mail Address: jordan1st@msn.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Critique Date
Love	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, It's nice to have stumbled on your poetry! You have a fresh poetic technique here! The concept of love is being related to a freefall. You know, I am a graduate of BS Physics and I can relate the idea of freefall. For a boy Eternally etched into and under my skin? Ah, this is a dedication to someone! Indeed, love's measure is unfathomable. Thanks for sharing this with us. Jordan	2005-08-13 20:25:03
The Grooms Gift	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Your title "The Groom's Gift" is very much inviting. I was thinking what king of gift a groom is giving to his bride. My wedding was held just this year, January 7, and I was reminiscing this momentous event in my life. In your poem, your second marriage is really wonderful considering that your best men were your own sons. As blood does flow, so two souls merge into one. --- [so remantic, I believe in the making of husband and a wife to be one. This making is ever mysterious, the gift of God.] Lets tarry awhile, on an idyllic isle, white sand framed with lush green palms. All set in a deep sapphire sea. --- [What a great experience! So picturesque! I love you more than life, for today you will become my wife! -- what a lovely ending! I hope your second marriage will be more blessed! Thanks for sharing your precious times with us! Jordan	2005-08-10 14:50:31
Captive Soul	DeniMari Z.	Hi DeniMari, This is a poignant piece full of held emotions. It is true that soemtimes we are making our own design of captivity and it is all up to us to unfetter ourselves from the bondage we make. I hope that in your poem, the captive has already been released from its own cell by now. The characterization of "She" in the poem is significant because emotions are more rampant to women. In the end, endless times of kneeling down to pray is the key to release one from its own prison. Thanks for sharing this with us. Jordan	2005-08-10 13:34:39
Paula's Paris	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, I have critiqued your poem "The Marsh Cat" and I recalled about your poem for Paula. Now, it is again a piece of inspiration for her. I like the scene that you are portraying here, so romantic. Paris is always associated with romance. I was looking through a window pane, now I am standing on the hands of Buddha, --- [I can relate to this as I can remember the days that I only keep on glancing to the one I admire at school but cannot get nearer to her. I like the use of Buddha. For me, it denotes that to have her said "YES" is more than having a treasure. With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair. --- [Yes, the closeness makes you feel the love. I am just smiling when you described "breasts as my pillow". Although there is no rhyme applied to the poem, I found this an enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing this with us. Jordan	2005-08-10 12:41:18
The Marsh Cat	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, A theme of love is always inviting to me. I have read several of your love poems before as I recall. I remember your poem, Paula, which I have critiqued the last time before my long absence from the TPL. Of course, she is the same lady that you are describing in this poem. The two-line format seems to fit the theme. This piece is weaved by describing scenes like in a story and I can see the originality. The ending is so endearing, "It makes me want you all the time, to be able to say that you are mine." Love is all around me, today! Jordan	2005-08-09 15:50:04
The City Masculine	Joyce P. Hale	Hi Joyce, For me, this piece is a devine one. It speaks of the Almighty. It speaks of the features where a through masculinity is seen with respect and pride! Great work! Jordan	2005-08-06 12:25:58
Schism	Regis L Chapman	Hi Reeg, Just dropping by to be inspired by your writings once again!	2004-10-06 07:58:54
Poet's Prophetic Metophor	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, I miss reading your philosophy. Thanks for sharing.	2004-10-06 07:56:45
japanese verse 57 (Photographs)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I just visited shortly from the long break and your submission lures me to give critique. I missed TPL, I have no enough time these days, so busy. This one is captivating. The theme itself is enticing. I am fond of photography as well. You showed simplicity here yet you've painted a lot to keep forever. Thanks. I hope I'll have more time here soon. Jordan	2004-08-22 07:53:19
The Helpmeet	G. Donald Cribbs	Hi Donald, First of all, I'm so excited to critique once again after a long break. And I I'm glad I have your poem on top of my critiquing list. You have a significant theme here. It is essential to note the reference of a mother as you artfully mentioned "a mother offering her breasts". Though you have a serious theme, you have crafted this very well. Your use of figurative is highly remarkable. I was deeply amazed by the idea "the doe rests to bathe her tired fur with measured licks" and connecting this to the reference of a mother. I checked on the winners' list last month. No doubt that you are the winner! The tone of the poem is effectively reinforced by the words "shore", "waves", "water", and so on! This creates a peaceful and relaxing effect in my mind. You have all it takes to be in the hall of fame of poetry, Donald! Thanks for sharing this incredible piece. Regards, Jordan	2004-08-11 01:01:47
japanese verse 52 (Zephyr)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I missed your entries. I have been very busy at work. Thanks for this wonderful treat. Jordan	2004-07-06 05:20:12
We Dance	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Janna, I like this one. It makes me feel like dancing. Thanks for posting. Jordan	2004-07-06 05:16:56
Old Age	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, I missed reading and critiquing but I have been very busy these days. Thanks for the nice read. Jordan	2004-07-06 05:14:56
Watcher (revised)	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Janna, I am just stopping by because I missed TPL already. 'Been very busy and no more time for critiquing. This is a wonderful artistry and thanks for the wonderful read.\ Jordan	2004-07-06 05:09:47
Heaven After Lunch	Edwin John Krizek	Dear Edwin, Is this a true experience. If so, how I wish I can experience the same. This old man is Jesus I'm sure. You've really showed us heaven in this poem. A very spectacular view one can think about heaven. I really enjoyed this piece and I am thinking you are so blessed to have seen this scenario. Continue showing us your wonderful artistry. Jordan	2004-06-20 22:12:40
I Know You Love Me	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, Another love poem! The simplicity of the title is making the thought very lovely. I can't resist my want of reading this. I am always triggered when it comes to love thing because I am currently in love as I have mentioned in my previous critique. You started off with a catchy simile: "The warm laughter pours out of our lives and settles like confetti on the living room floor." It concretize the idea. Simplicity is reinforced all over the but it makes this poem elaborate. Thanks for sharing, Edwin. Looking forward to critiquing the rest of your submissions. You're such a prolific writer. Jordan	2004-06-20 03:08:30
Nostalgia	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, Yes, this goes with your poem "Shadows of Youth" which I have critiqued already. But this is more on deep in which causes the readers, at least to me, to ponder on their own experience. The poem is aptly titled. Reminiscing the youthful activities is like feeling homesickness. You applied new language formulation like "rolling hills of my past" "Death’s hand touches everyone." , and more figurative languages including the simile and metaphor. Other remarkable feature is the concreteness of the images. You applied a good visual here. I have nothing to change here, this is outstanding. Jordan	2004-06-20 02:34:16
Shadows of Youth	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, This is a great poem reminiscing your youthful countenance. I like the presentation. It is very straight to the point with no trace of vebosity. The shadows of my youth is still fresh and still in the making of the shadow because I am still in my early 20's. In youthful days, it is really refreshing and energizing. Everything is in activity. I like the view of youth in your first input: "multi-colored maple in full bloom in the spring"-- it splendid and really "vernal". Your description is also very appropriate when you say "music of life pulsing through endless iterations of notes" --- wonderful descriptor. As youthful as it should be! I like the ending, too. "Out of time and place my memories linger; hovering over my middle-aged head like a halo." Something in you is still youthful and vibrant. That is your poetry. Thanks for envigorating my senses through this vernal piece, Edwin. Warm regards, Jordan	2004-06-18 02:22:22
Plane Perspective	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, I'm glad to know you are back, we missed your presence here in TPL. I read your story with remembrance to my own story in the perspective of the plane. There seems to be always a fear when going to flight. It's innate for a numan person to be afraid to die. Hehe. In this piece, I can see some stufs that you were doing while you were absent from the link. You have put it in clear and detailed way and I don't have no suggestions to give you. Your presentation is good that way. Thanks for sharing, Mick. Jordan	2004-06-12 04:42:34
Good Grief	Regis L Chapman	Hmmm...interesting piece, Reeg! Questions are all around us as we continue living and this one is the proof. I'm sure these questions are not answerable by Physics or Science! Are they? That is the mystery of life that I believe can lead us to think the existence of God! Your poem brought me questions. Thank you for the interesting Good Grief ideas. The poem is powerful in ITSELF. Jordan	2004-06-11 04:29:19
Never Yield	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This poem is deep. I can see the pain and suffering here. Someone suffers from internal disorders and maybe it is just state of the mind as you mentioned reverie. It could also apply to a person feels hopeless of tomorrow. But it is good to note that there is realization and this realization would yield to awakening. Never yield to...? A nice piece recognizing the innerself. In our lives are times that we become pessimistic of the things around us. But we should conceive that these things are designed to strengthen us. The formulation of the poem is superb with the applicaiton of poetic devices like figurative languages, alliterations (giving the sound track). I am amazed by the phrase "Silence chimes upon buried demons and foredoomed feeble footsteps fail" -- freshly formulated by your poetic pen. Thanks for sharing this moving piece, Marilyn. I hope you are happy these days. Jordan	2004-06-11 04:10:39
Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Auntie Joanne, This is cute and lovely. The image of bird for me is always lovely and it always makes me dream of flying. But this one is more on the art of singing. And hush, the young bird sings once more. It's a phrase from a mother caressing her child. Singing like a waterfall? The simile is interesting! I am used to hear the sound of waterfalls, it is reviving. And I am describing the singing of the bird that way, reviving. This lines give me a thrill: "I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes." I remember the days in the corn fields where my parents and my siblings (including me) were together scything the grasses between the corn plants. I am tearing when I remember those days of working under the heat of the sun. I once complained to my parents, why is like this? I am sorry to tell this. Your poem just brings me to a different mood but reminiscing. This piece ends with a horizon of inspiration. "If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for." Simple poem but much in it is profound! Thanks for this poem, Auntie Joanne. It touches me differently. Jordan	2004-06-01 03:51:58
japanese verse 50 (Swallows)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, This is the first the first delicious meal in June. And I am the first one to devour this greedily! Hehe! Periwinkle sky As winged-surfers glide and dive To the waves of clouds Ah, you are viewing the sky in the perspective of the sea! What a new talent to show! "Periwinkle" is a new word. Fitting it right, this is used as adjective to say the same as "pale purplish blue" and on the other hand it is also apt to describe the scene as the word itself speaks about "marine" thing. "winged-surfers"? Nice representation of the swallow. And finally the phrase "waves of clouds" is fitting to view it in the image of the sea. Erzahl, made it again! Jordan	2004-06-01 03:34:45
The Watcher	Regis L Chapman	Hi Reeg, Apparently you are true in your additional notes. Grasping the message of this piece is headcracking for me though I studied Physics! Hahaha! You really have the special quirk in expressing things in your "quantum" presentation. I believe in you with respect to that! Your title seems to suggest a plain message in the body but I am thrilled by the content's complexity. I am not lounging in reading your poetry but I am excited to the highest energy level in the valence shell like an electron. Hehe. You know, when you mention Physics concepts like quantum/quarks, I am really excited though might have forgotten the concepts. My work right now is not into Physics but computers. I am working like a Computer Engineer! Hehe! After graduation last 2001 I have not landed a job yet that my field of study applies. But it's ok I am enjoying my 20's. Too much for that, back to the poem... I like the presence of letter 'q' and 'k' in your poem like in quirky/coquinas/quark/sprinkles/. This sets me up to the world of Physics. Oh, you also mention calculus. You know, I like calculus very much my grade is very high in calculus I got an A+ modesty aside. Math should go with Physics because Math is the language of Physics. As a watcher, I can see that that your poem here has unseen mysteries that no one can unfold except you. You commented "godliness are uncertain in the quantum fashion". I strongly agree! Mysteries in life is not resolved by Mathematical calculation or Quantum representation. That is why we believe in God! And I believe in your writings as well! Gudluck! Thank you very much for sharing, Reeg! Jordan	2004-05-30 04:47:34
Upon Making the Acquaintance of Death	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, This one is another outstanding craftmanship by you! I am now triggered to catch up your poetry and read them for they have essential ingredients that can impress the readers. This one is about the enemy of life, and you just presented a reality, the death but I don't believe that it is the alpha and omega because I believe in the second life which is for eternity. Just my point of view. Your title is very intriguing and it creates a long long premise of discussion. This can be a matter of debate in the academe or something. Very important subject matter indeed! And here you are again with the formulation of your poetry being quite impressive. The metaphors are equisitely applied. I am the naked musician playing eternal chords that have no beginning, no end. This is once again a fresh idea to me. I am just here wondering how your mind goes to come up with this one. And now I start making aquaintance of death. Hehe! You sometimes when I imagine death, I become terrified. But I learn that death is reality. And I am made to believe in the idea of life after death. It is really frightening to talk about death as your metaphor goes, "I am the eternal unconscious spewing forth my demonic images in myriad motifs." Yep, I agree, death comes in myriad motifs. Hmmm...I like the language. The second stanza starts with a question which is participating, "What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?" --This made me wonder and ponder about how I care things in my life. I asked myself, did I care something that I should not care about? Nice imagery being thrown by your question. Your observations of death in the second and third stanzas are all realistic. Thanks for making me aware of these things. What a great personification you have applied here! The use of imperatives in the last strophe is appealing. "Do not be afraid... And the more appealing line is "understand that life’s ultimate irony is its end." Very effective ending, indeed! Thanks for sharing, Edwin. I'm sorry I could not offer any suggestion, I found your piece very oustanding in all aspects plus your intensive knowledge on the subject matter. Jordan	2004-05-30 01:45:21
Summer Rain	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, My third experience in your wonderful artistry and I'm sure it is again a new experience. This one has a different theme with the previous two poems I've critique. This is oriented to nature, Mother Earth which is the source of bountiful graces. And talking about nature is like talking about God. The existence of nature is the existence of God in us. Speaking of nature also involves the discussion of Science which the later cannot explain. I am getting serious here, so let me go back to the poem... Rain is mostly yearned in summer when sunshine is too much for our experience. I am mostly touched with the idea because my my farther is a farmer and in this season my father starts to pray for rain because the plants in the field needs it. Just to tell a bit of my background. The poem starts with a love imagery: "Moss in the gravel marks where bumble bees float like butterflies." The highlight of 'm' and 'b' allits is wonderful to make a sound along the line. And the simile adds wonderfulness to the scene. So, when the bumble bees float like butterfly, that indicates that sooner the summer will come. Interesting nature-based idea! "Nurturing life-giving water from heaven will soak the earth where the green leaves grow." Yes, I do believe rain is really that important to grow the green leaves. I mentioned already how it benefits the farmers like my father. I really like the descriptions you have here: 'Sensual, sexual jungle' it is exotic more than the one in our province...to smell sweet...to hear the dulcet hum of the bird...and so on! This made me reminisce my experience in the province. I'll be going home this December, I am excited! The ending lines are poignant: "Like a curious spider, I invade this space. I do not belong here. But, if not here, where? The old trees know everything. They tell me there is no more destructive animal than man." How poignant! And you effectively created the tone! I agree that man becomes the destroyer of nature especially in the outbreak of modern technology. But if we care enough for our nature, we can bring back the old paradise-like earth. The ending is very effective as well. Really in your technique of writing that I began to see, striking and stunning! Now, I am aquainted to another fine poet and that is you! Thank you very much for sharing, Edwin. Good luck during the voting period. Jordan	2004-05-28 02:31:16
japanese verse 49 (Eclipse)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, Glad to see your work again! Glad to catch it up in my list. Hey, this one is wonderful with its language formulation. You are so accurate in your descriptions. "Pirate of darkness" ---yep, the methaphor is true! I remember the movie, "Pirate of the Carribean"! Hehe! But I missed to watch it! "Ambushed the moment to steal The jewel of light" Remarkably fine! No wonder, it's Erzahl! Always, stunningly fresh! How's work? Just asking! Jordan	2004-05-27 23:45:18
Enchanted Stew	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, This one is my second critique to your poetry and I admire the freshness of your ideas here. First of all the theme is important and it as a universal application. This applies to every being, it's a way reflecting as we continue journying our lives. I, too, has been cooking the kinds of stew you presented all my life. The first set of ingredients "little jealousy, a little avarice, a little abuse"--- these are man's respond which we can say selfish and devastating to his fellow. And I admit that I have committed one of these consciously or unconsciously. But recognizing oneself is one way to stew these ingredients into something fruitful and advantageous to the fellowmen. When you admit these, you will learn to change them. That's the way of cooking them into a savory meal. Wow! You really have a significant theme, poet! The next set of ingredients you mentioned "A little magic, a little, joy, ---[I think the first comma in this line is unwanted] a little hope" These are surprises to life which creates happiness. With all the courage...yes, it is through courage that we are saved from disgrace. Courage is a great armor while we are cooking in life. I do agree to use "pain, hate, insanity" one way or another to season the potion of life. And along our stuggle, good thing that we are blessed with friends who give us kindness and understanding, reducing the heavy emotion we feel. And then we began to filter the toxin in our lives. I like the use of "distilling" as it is apt to clean impurities. The closing line is participating to the readers, the use of imperative reinforces it. And love....prevails... Thanks for sharing this fresh idea that graces life. Jordan	2004-05-25 02:15:35
Sisyphus' Epistle or The Humanist's Punishment	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, I am excited to give input to your poetry as this is my first time. I did not recognize you before, I believe you are new here in the link, So a warm welcome to you. The title of your poem: "Sisyphus' Epistle or The Humanist's Punishment" strikes me most. I can see the importance of the theme at once and thinking...This must be a serious subject! Indeed, an effective title! The reference to the Greek Mythology Sisyphus (A cruel king of Corinth condemned forever to roll a huge stone up a hill in Hades only to have it roll down again on nearing the top." is intriguing. This creates a hot discussion here. The inclusion of the quotation by Albert Camus supports the theme. It is my first encounter to that brilliant quotation. Now, the presentation of the ideas is highly reinforced by the use of the personification. So figurative and there is a true meaning behind this. "Oh dismal stone that presses on my heart you stop me from loving." Powerful beginning! Who can't get attentive to this? It has a great impact to the reader, atleast to me. Apparently, the mention of the stone supports the validity of the Greek Mythology. The stone blocks love and even tear? Intriguing! Boulder of bleak reality --nice allit with 'b' sound you eclipse the glorious sun. You packed this one with strong language with the apt choice of words. "And it is my job to move you up this mountain until together we reach its summit." Ah, the Greek Mythology of Sisyphus! The influx of your ideas just flow nicely moving up and up in rhythm with the job of Sisyphus (rolling a huge stone up). (smile). Really really powerful crafting until the climaxing end. Superbly done, Edwin! You have the special knack in poetry. Hope you will stay. Jordan	2004-05-24 02:50:52
Just For Fun	Marcia McCaslin	Hi Marcia, What a nice adventure with white steed. It sounds like it is portraying the time when we are about to enter the gate of heaven and meet St. Peter when we die. Hehe! Your "Just For Fun" piece is more than a fun but a way of reflecting the lives we are living. "There’ll be a short quiz for the newcomers then, "A standard procedure," they’ll say. "Just write what you liked about where you’ve just been And events that have shaped you today." It's really an adventure as there'll be a short quiz for the new comers. It's like a true life that you will be tested according to the standard procedure. Very nice with the concept of schooling. The use of the description "qwerty" seems to have a significant in manifesting the scene. It sounds like it connotes the old time where modern technology is not yet seen. "The friends that I made and the ones that I lost, The lessons I finally learned, The bridges I built and the bridges I crossed And, with heartache, the bridges I burned." The metaphor of the bridges is strong. It's connotes that you are living your life seriously with a foundation. And along the heartache, you are strong enough to burn the faulty bridges. I expect that the ending lines would be like these: "And add that: "I think that’s enough about ME!" "I think we should talk about YOU." Just a thought for fun! Thanks for sharing this, Marcia. I can see its profundity along with the fun. Jordan	2004-05-22 04:18:27
Balanced Accounts	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Once again, I am in awe on how you compose a very deep and profound writing. Actually, all aspects of your writings strike me always especially this one: the languistics, the choice of words, the influx of your ideas, you really have the trademark that no one can imitate! I am sincere with that. "Balanced Accounts" would mean a significant and serious thing. It can be a metaphor. Indeed, a very striking title! The inclusion of the quote is new in your style. The quote is about living, the philosophy of human beings, about us! Very wonderful beginning: "At my window before morning while The world sleeps, I gulp the moon As palliation. I would efface all I own for a trace of longanimity." While the world sleeps, I gulp the moon As palliation." very strong metaphor! And the language starts to amaze me. I can see the emotion is a true experience, there is forbearance, an experience of a well-groomed person, mature in words and spirit! That is a description to yourself! And as you said, graceful, yes, you are deliberate in your words and philosophy, spiritually enriched. "it is not the tragedy which Matters but how it is borne" ---what a great line to live by, that is longanimity! This line "I'd rather function than tot my assets." reinforces the validity of the title! And the ending is very dramatic! "From long lack of use, my graces Annealed and the planet still Pulses pizzicato with irony." --- the attachment of music in your life in texas! Profound, philosophical, very outstanding piece! Mell, I salute to you! You left me speechless with this one! Jordan	2004-05-22 00:39:04
japanese verse 48 (Worms)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I love this! You know why? I once experience fishing at the lake (in our province we call this body of water as "danao") and I personally handpicked worm to put it in the hook with no sense of fear. Hehe! Your lines are but lovely: "Wedded to embracing hooks Kissed by the fishes" This made me chortle! Wedded to embracing hooks! If I were the worm, I would say, "You are so bad!" Just kidding! "Kissed by the fishes" --- what a description! Hehe! Thanks, thanks, thanks! I enjoyed the read and the scene! More, Erzahl, more! Jordan	2004-05-21 05:03:45
Where The Heart Is	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, This poem is a champion in all aspects of formulation! Outstanding and superb! Poignant and profound! I immediately see the significance of the poem by its title. After reading the poem, I immdiately know where your heart is. You bring concerned to less-fortunate people and to people who do not know the direction of their lives for some reason. That is what I feel here, as I can see your social concern. Where do their lilacs grow? Amazing metaphor in a question form! So much in this piece that awakens us. We need to know where our heart is and let our lilacs grow to give us fragrance not only for our own but for the rest of the people surrounding us! I would no longer comment on the technicality! It is perfect with all the poetic devices. The poem is adorned and I am bewitched naturally! Thanks for sharing, Mell. More of your hearfelt poems! Jordan	2004-05-18 02:40:51
I Wish I Could Write A Sonnet	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Oh, likewise, I've yearning to write a sonnet but I was not able to come up with one yet. I don't know it has been hard for me. Good for you, you did! And it is best! Congratulations! Sincerely, I admire this one. I have been reading Mark Steven's sonnets and I really feel it is hard to do it with the form and rhyming constraints. "If only I could write a sonnet An aria of my love for you" Yes a sonnet is a good medium of expressing love. And yours is just an inspiring dedication. How I wish I had written this to dedicate to my girl friend! Hehe! The poem is adorned with alliterations and assonances that serve as the sound in the poem. The rhyming is not quite solid but it works for me. Why can I not pen of these things With a flourish of my quill and ink set? You don't ask this question anymore because you did already. As for me, how long would I wait to answer the question? Thanks for sharing, Marilyn. I am envious of you! Jordan	2004-05-17 04:44:13
Brush With Infinity	Regis L Chapman	Hi Reeg, The Jordan you are referring in your additional notes is me? If so, how I am flattered that somehow you were provoked by my poetry containing Physics' concepts! And to your cat Sam? Interesting! Brush With Infinity is very catchy in itself, everyone should be 'brushing' towards the poem just by seeing the title! I am fascinated with you trinity of thought thin theories! I hope I can get into your theory and brush with infinity! I love this for some reasons I felt inside! Smile! Jordan	2004-05-17 03:52:48
Blending of the Heart	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, This is a lighhearted piece with the abounding sweet images of love. In million ways we can express love. In million ways we can describe love. It appears in many dimensions and levels. I just love the dimension of love you are portraying. It is deep in maturity and spirituality. The title "Blending of the Heart" is just apt to summarize the whole poem. The expression of love you are mostly portraying is abstract and I am glad to see the concrete representation "Love is the flower fragrant and sweet". Nothing I can change in this beautiful expression of love. Thanks for sharing, Debbie. I'm sure you are full of love these days! Blessings, Jordan	2004-05-16 04:40:05
Beside the Gate	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Auntie Joanne, I would love to stand by at your gate and use my senses: to smell the perfume of the flowers while touching some of the marigolds and the ivy...and more exciting is to bulge my eyes in seeing the radiant angel. Who could be that angel? Maybe your son? Another heavenly poem rife with embellishing poetic devices. The only unwanted thing I see is the article "the" in the first line of the last stanza, "Home is [the] all the truth I know;". But it's not a big deal. Thanks for sharing the 'gold' in your pen, once again, Auntie Joanne. Jordan	2004-05-16 03:38:04
The Sequel to Changing With The Changes	Marcia McCaslin	Hi Marcia, I'm glad to see the sequel to Changing with the Changes. Who's story is this? Is you the she in the story? By the way, I like the language here. It is rife with figurative language like the metaphor in this line "The answer was in the shadow that wrapped him mute" and also in this line: "His crops ripened beneath an expectant sun". And one can SEE it because of concrete visuals. And I like the ending, it is hopeful! Amidst the darkness, still there is hope. I have not experience this but I feel the emotions very well. Thanks for sharing, Marcia. Jordan	2004-05-16 02:01:57
Suicide	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, Very very clever! I did not expect the ending to be like that! "Like a bridegroom without the bride Like me without you...it’s like suicide" I love it so much! I will consider sending this to my gf. Hehe! Nothing more I can say than thank you for the delight your poem gives. Jordan	2004-05-15 19:43:16
Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Auntie Joanne, Once again, the atmosphere of your poem is synonymous to your previous submissions. There is a high level of spirituality. My spirit is always lifted up and I almost wonder realizing your thoughts! I almost could compare this to "Insects and Other Tiny Nations"! "I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels." How your thoughts conversed with nature and relate it to heavenly things (veeiled angels)! How your mind soared so high on this one! "In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces surely wait." The visuals is very wonderful! I would love watching you reaching the plump faces in the heaven! In the third stanza, I salute you in recognizing the Maker of all the wonderful things in the world! We do the same, praising the Maker of life! And here comes the appearance of the bees, I want to be one of these bees. Very tuneful and wishful! And the ending is more than wonderful! Thank you very much, Auntie Joanne! I am excited for your next submission. Jordan	2004-05-15 03:42:56
Ashes	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, What a freshly amazing idea you have here! What are you thinking that you came up with these profoung ideas? Just wondering..Talking about ashes is like talking about lives. Our lives end up to ashes. And ashes is a significant symbol in Roman Catholic. That's we have Ash Wednesday. "Ashes. Nothing holds ashes together, and yet, there they lay." Very striking idea! I just realized it this time! And now the fire! The relation of ashes and the fire is interesting. You made it interesting for us! And here comes the spark, lighter than the fire! And the glow gives warmth and less dark! Ashes. Ashes are what we find when the spark has gone. Very effective ending! Kudos to your work! Thanks for sharing this with us, Rick! Jordan	2004-05-15 02:28:36
japanese verse 47 (Ava Jean)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, How I wish you could make one for me. Just kidding. This is simple yet forceful. It describing the totality of that person. Tears are designed to strengthen a person. And through that, we respond our faith. And life must go on! Thanks for sharing, Erzahl. God bless you in your next writings. Jordan	2004-05-14 03:36:19
I Am Fred (chapter two)	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Thank you! I am just having fun reading and visualizing the story. And thanks to Claire also that you were inspired to write this sequel. There is oneness allthroughout with the 'ed' which when read aloud, it is pleasing. This piece can be a source of educational material in school regarding prounounciation or intonation or the like. Thank you very much for sharing, Marilyn. I hope you will have more time to spend here in the link. I know you are working now. God bless to you. Jordan	2004-05-14 00:54:43
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, This is amazing revision. I can you have added a lot and I believe this is now polished. The format is new and for me it is apt for it seems to suggest a fragment. The characterization of great grandfather, grandmother, and so on... makes the poem more interesting and it reinforced the tone very well. Thanks for sharing, Sandra. Kudos! Jordan	2004-05-14 00:40:36
The Language of the Angels	Valene L Johnson	Hi Valene, I can feel the fluttering of light feathers of the angels as I read this wonderful artistry of yours. The title itself "The Language of the Angels" is a wonder! This makes me think higher and my mind is fluttering high but lightly! Am I making a new world of language here? Just enjoying the thought! flutter, flutter; ten-thousand tongues ruffle the spirit. in the midst of flight, cellophane heavens soar out the mouth. The fricative 'f' is wonderful and it seems to create a certain language. A allits of 't' seems to give a fluttering sound. Very nice read and the imagery is quite amazing! The imagery continues to wonder me as I read the second stanza. It is a wonder but it seems you can feel the common existence of it! The question "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" seems to conote a biblical impact. The third stanza is a light to read and once again the 't' allit creates a wonderful sound. And here comes the revelation of the theme: "and so descends the tongue of angels. purely spun words birthed from the womb of naked light." Very thrilling and really wonderful! Heavenly sweet! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to more of your submissions this month. Jordan	2004-05-07 19:21:11
Talking About It with My Dad	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Tom, It is a privilege to read this outstanding piece. Very moving! As always, you always shine in your poetry! Kudos and congratulations! Jordan	2004-05-07 19:05:14
LOVE	housam majid jarrar	Hi housam, Nice to see you're back to the link. I remember critiquing your poems before. I think it was in 2000 or 2001. Anyway, this one is a special topic for me. I am in the age where lavish love is spurring (I am in my 20's, 24 to be exact). And I am always tickled when it comes to love. Your view about love is universal but there is something new in your ideas. "Love seeks you but it can never be sought" --- I agree! I currently in love with a beautiful lady and I really did not expect it to happen. I just noticed that I fell in love with her. We never had an aquaintance before but in an instant, love has sought me. " It free's you yet it can never be bought" --- the apostrophe is no longer needed here I think. But the simplicity of the idea makes me nod for yes. Really true! what a splendid display of colors it can make you imagine and be destrought. -- I think you have a typo here "distrought"? But it is true that love displays splendid colors. Rght now I am in love, and I am just seeing the colors in my life. "and that thing is something that has never resently been brought Heaven and what could it bring you if you just simply hault." Irresistible idea! Genuine! The ending is irresistible, too! "Love someone for life is too short to be envied or to try to comprehend." A golden idea to remember always especially for me! Thanks for sharing and seeing love in splendid colors! Jordan	2004-05-07 18:54:54
My teacher	Mark Andrew Hislop	A different love for a teacher! This is intriguing, Mark! I like the humor in the poem and I believe you've presented a realistic scenario that happens in the school or academe. Yours is youthful and very vibrant. I really like the thoughts very much! "There, lonely on the school bench, Wishing that she would see me," Tickling! I am remember my Physics teacher. I got the feeling for her before. That's why I took Physics! I like the inclusion of metaphors, an orchid in bloom against a concrete empire. How powerful she is! And the metaphor you used for yourself as a melted icecream is really nice! It brings a youthful thought! Icecream for little boys and girls! And the ending is very very lovely! "Adonis for her senses Or radio she’ll tune to For that perfect, perfect song I learnt while watching her go" Very fresh ideas for me! I love this very very much! Thanks for the delight it gives me! Jordan	2004-05-06 19:33:41
Almost Prose (leaning)	Regis L Chapman	Hi Reeg, Excited to read your poetry again! Almost prose? Yep, looking at the format itself. And the title Leaning makes me remember the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Just a thought. I just remember my Physics days that it was our point of discussion. Anyway, your poem is comprehensive so you don't have to worry about it's spontaneouity or whatsoever. I understand the situation in your life that makes you lean always at one side. Everyone is not excempted with problem (leaning on the sad side) but one should always remember that leaning on the glad side is not meaningful without leaning on the sad side. I was thinking on how it feels to ride across North Dakota. My coming to the US is yet a dream for me. Sooner or later, I would see my self roaming around the States of the US. Just a thought. "ages save for a rounded mound of hay siting upright in the fields like silent sages who endure this every lonely day elements" I like the inclusion of the simile. It makes a concrete view to let the reader experience the situation reading the poem. I'm sure that these times were the times that you pondered about your life, I mean, noticing and questioning what's going on to your life back then. You even give a point on your experience noticing the cat that meows but tolerate you when you arrive home. A common scenario but could creat a deep discussion. Yep, we are higher form of animals that we see the problems going aroun us unlike the animals that are heedless about it. Your ideas here are greatly appreciated. It has an application towards man's life. Indeed, there is spontaneouity in the influx of your ideas but of course they are sensible. Thanks for sharing, Reeg. Looking forward to reading more of your coming submissions this month. Jordan	2004-05-06 19:10:30
Blue Dragonfly - Revisited	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Auntie Joanne, I have read the original version of this so let me savor again its splendor! The noticed the slight edit, and I was too hasty during my critique on your first version that I did not see the obvious word "flickeringings" which should be "flickerings"! I am laughing at myself! How idiot I am! Just kidding! Anyway, this one is currently on the third place, so congratulations in advance! God bless! Jordan	2004-05-05 14:19:40
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Critique Date

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