Jordan Brendez Bandojo's E-Mail Address: jordan1st@msn.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Critique Date
Love As A Postcard	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, This poem catches my interest too much because it speaks for me. I used to send postcard and letters in the mail to the girls I dreamed before. Of course, the theme was love and it's a way of courting. hehe! Those funny memories flashback with those giggles and tickles. Before(during my college days), when I like a girl I would immediately think of sending her a letter of course in a form of poem. I have several love poems composed because of that. Back to your poem, the words are reinforced in simplicity. But there is uniqueness in your thoughts. The tone of the poem is sad because as I grasped, the love was not fulfilled and it was only in a postcard. It went away as quickly as it came. Atleast, you deserved a letter! hehe. You know, this poem touched my heart a lot because this made me remember of my true love that right now it is emerging on the edge. I don't think you know the story about my girlfriend who was now in the convent. Before, I used to send her cards especially during holidays. Now, I could still write her addressed to the formation center she was in but I don't think my letters reach her and no more mails I received from her. That's all, I am tearing now! I just thank you for touching my heart again with this Love As A PostCard. God bless, Jordan	2004-01-14 03:28:09
The Devil's Ballet D'Action with Cardinal Law	Robert L Tremblay	Dear Bobby, You totally amazed with your talent! Such a great and very artistic piece! I don't know how to express myself here. I am muted to the wonders you put in here! First of all, the structure of the poem is more complicated for me to look and BLESS you on your highly incomparable piece. I don't know what spirit is in you. I am sure HE is more than poetic! I don't know I keep on looking at my monitor's screen and I almost couldn't believe. Is this a magic? The effort for this must be HUGE OR HUMONGOUS! But it seems that in your part, there is no trace of difficulties. I feel that you just swipe it out and there it is. And the rhyming! Oh, the rhyming is perfect! Rhyming for me is even hard to fulfill. But this is perfectly metered and rhymed. And oh, the meaning of the poem is valuable. THe theme is significantly great! Evrything is great here. How many times should I exclaimed, Great! so that I will be satisfied. I tell you, I am not mesmerized that I will cast my vote on this. It is true and clear. Do you have any record in the Guiness Book? I am excited to know, please! I should believe! Believe! I salute to you! Bravo is not enough to say, Bob!	2004-01-13 04:45:38
Her Looking Glass	marilyn terwilleger	Dear Marilyn, I am speechless after reading this poem. I know this is about you, I know the story as you told me when I critiqued your last poem. This made me tears. I just cried yesterday remembering my girlfriend who is still in the convent today. She did not realize her promise that she would come back in December. Somehow, I am in your shoes. My nerve is weakening now when I type. No! I need to revive! I still have to critique more. Alright, this is enough! I will remember this poem forever. I want my girlfriend to be back! Huh,huh!	2004-01-11 23:33:27
Minipo’ms (inspired by Bienvenido N. Santos)	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Hi april, Oh, this is something a craft from a Filipino talent! Yup, I know of the late Bienvenido N. Santos and his works are great! THanks to him that you was inspired. As always, you used images that are visualized concretely and your linguistics is a quality to consider. It is not a wonder that you have such exotic pieces because as you told me you wrote before you learned to cross the streets. This is no pun! Keep it up! Jordan	2004-01-11 23:25:36
Blazing Mustang	Robert L Tremblay	Oh my Gosh, what a wonder this is Bobby! I was completely amazed more than seeing a a shooting star in the heavens. Oh, maybe this is like seeing a constellation of stars in the form of this. haha! But it is not a wonder that it is you who wrote this because I always inclined on reading your structured piece, the last time was First, Last Kiss. I am speechless at this juncture. I was drawn on thinking how you came up with this. Did you take a special class in poetry? I think you originated this kind. Thanks for sharing. More of it!	2004-01-11 23:19:42
Inktip	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, How interesting are the questions you threw us here! I know everyone can relate to the idea. What comes forth from the tip of the pen? For me, the influx of my thoughts brought about by me emotions and experiences. I believe that one's writing is the reflection of his/her life. The title is catchy! I like it! It has the touch of being a writer. I like the thought "dashes of fame", it is original and has a relevance to your theme, the word dash, i can think of like periods/commas of life! Nice, nice, nice. And I like the ending. The veil lifts to which the tip reveals. Inrtiguing. It is like a quote, made me realize things in the field of writing. Thanks for sharing, Donna. I am also glad that you are back, you missed to participate last month. The last poem I critiqued from you was Dewdrop. I couldn't forget it because I got I thought from it when I wrote Poetry (in the Tradition of Science) which I have my first line "Dewdrops condense to form transparent liquid,". Jordan.	2004-01-11 22:57:33
As to the Site of the Preservation of Memories	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi T, I checked on the winners' list today and see this one is one of the top poems. I could no longer critique this since the time is almost up to proclaim this as a winner. Just allow me to say that this poem is worthy to be on top. So poignant and piercing! Kudos to this work. J.	2004-01-07 23:59:10
Christmas in Texas	Mell W. Morris	What a wonderful Christmas you have in Texas, Mell! Your poem reverberates like a carol, "for that's the Texas way, y'all"...I enjoyed this very much with the perfect rhyming applied. I read it aloud and emphasized the rhyming. It's pleasing to the ear. I think, this is my first time to see you rocking with rhyme! You rock, Mell! SMILE! In our province, we also rock of course! Though, it was not fraught with glittering fireworks, still we share the spirit of Christmas, feeling the essence of The Silent Night! It is nice of you to share with us your Christmas in Texas. Thank you! Happy New Year once again! Jordan	2004-01-02 23:41:16
Visions of Yesterday	Claire H. Currier	Dear Claire, Yup! No need to critique its from our hearts to yours. This one is straight from the heart with the thoughts freely influxing to give the wonderful memory of this person in the author's life. This the memorable yesterday's vision of your mom with respect to her husband and her family together. I am very glad to note that she lives abuot 92 years now. I could also say that she is blessed with a precious child whose untiring efforts are dedicated to her. By the way, I like the story of the fishing for I could relate it also in our family. My father do farming and fishing for us to survive. I am not doing myself, I am in the information and technology industry and I am helping my parents and siblings. I love them very much the same way that you love your mom and your own family. Thanks for sharing this with us. Happy New Year once again. Jordan	2004-01-02 23:24:07
The Stoop	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, The voting period is ending already and I hasted to critique the remaining poems in my list especially the one that's currently on the winners' list. This one is worthy of a plaque for it tells about how everyone lives in the gift of nature. Your characterization here is the mother with her child which could make one reflects on the situation of dearth or paucity. I could think of the thought that amidst the scarcity of foods or supply, nature provides us the thing to survive. "Child at her side, the mother knows they will survive any dearth or paucity because the earth always provides." A very tearful thought for me because I could remember the times that my family was in dire need of supply but with our crops we completed the meal with satisfaction. That's enough coz I'm crying now! I should be merry this New Year! Once again, this is a quality poem with all the ingredients and highlights. It is a priviledge to have read this before the voting period ends. I'm gonna between this one and Establishing Vocabularies for my choice this month. Let me review the first one. Happy New Year! Jordan	2004-01-02 23:01:41
japanese verse 35 (Manger)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Erzahl, This is The Truth! Your japanese verse simply tells about the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ which is so pitiful because He was only born in a borrowed crib. This can bring tears to the readers eye. The birth of our Lord Jesus Christ is really a mysterious one. Who can imagine that a King is born in a manger? But it is simply the truth. God is undeniably humble, He offered His precious gift wrapped in swaddling clothes. The adjective you used here is indisputably appropriate! I just spent my Christmas in our province. Thank you for giving me the totality of the spirit of Christmas through your poem. Jordan	2004-01-02 04:04:50
Goblet	C Arrownut	Hi Gayle, Wow! I especially like this one! It has a timely theme in reference to Christmas. Cheers with the goblet of your soul! There is profundity of the metaphor, it is deep but the meaning is clarified. I like your first input: "At times, something like emptiness surges from the goblet of my soul but only when the light in the stem blinks into occasions like a "First Noel."" I can feel you're thirsting to once again drink the spirit of the First Noel! I just came from a Christmas vacation and the spirit of Christmas is still tossing and filling the goblet to the brim. SMILE! The use of similes adds up the enlivining thoughts. The energy you feel is very high upon your observation of Christmas that you described "incredulous" eyes. Wonderful! As you begin with the touch of wonderful First Noel, you end up with a dramatic move. My shopping wall collapses and I escape to the exit scurrying far from the oblivious, obsessive maul. I really like this one, Gayle. It is real! Thanks for sharing. I should see this in the winners' list! Happy New Year! Jordan	2004-01-02 03:36:40
Country Pumpkin	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, Wow what an energetic country life you have presented us here! I just came from a Christmas vacation in our province and I am very excited to go back critiquing. Now, your poem adds my excitement. This is very dynamic and a fun to read. Your poem reflects your personality for it is your own life you have portrayed. I can feel tha every aspect of your life is blessed with joy and bountiful blessings. I would be very glad if you confer it to me. This poem is not to be considered for technical critique because this is life. I can see freedom in your thoughts, in your words and in your actions. I just experienced a kind of life during my vacation in our province. There, it is totally a different life. It is very remote, there is no electricity, there is no telephone, there is no frige to have a cool drink, very different but I enjoyed there. People are welcoming, friendly and hospitable. Alright, based on your poem, there is a oneness to our life....joy in the Lord. Thank you very much for sharing. Looking forward to critique your poem "Visions of Yesterday", I see it has a higher score in the winning list so far. Happy New Year! Jordan	2004-01-02 03:13:09
The Blizzard (A Story Poem)	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, This story poem appears to me as a signal to a possible mishap during a snow. To me, this is like a caution to remind one to be careful enough during the snowfall. You have been recounting about snow this days and I just have the chance to experience it almost physically. I am wondering how it is to be in a place where snow is falling. Anyways... The narrative way of telling the story in a poem satisfied me but the ending is quite mournful. The presentation and all the elements of a good story are reinforced effectively. The character which is the hunter (the protagonist) is put to a tragic scene. How I wish he was rescued by the ranger! SMILE! I just could not help but sympathize on the life of the hunter. It is very sad! He was hunting for food but he was in the end made food by the bliazzard. It is sad to note that this hunter was very aggressive to hunt food just to keep her family alive. Hopelessly lost in dense forest, the exhausted hunter numbly stumbled on. His last thoughts likely were of warmth, of hearth, and loved ones at home. ---so poignant that my eyes are almost tearing. I am thinking of this hunter was my father and he was looking for food for to feed us. Though, my father is a farmer and hunting is not his work, I can still feel the story is just the same to my father. My father is still till cultivating our land to support my 4 younger brothers and 1 sister in their custody. I am living far away from them. I am working here in a faraway city as a professional and I am helping my parents for support. I can remember the days when I was till studying, I am almost crying visualizing my father working industriously under the sun without minding the prickly heat. I'm sorry, I was drawn to also recount the sad familial story I have! I just feel telling it to you. I just feel at home to tell you. So much for that! As I said you have carried out all the elements of the story. The setting is vividly visualized. The lessons are left for the readers to interpret. Thank you so much Drenda. This really appears very significant to me as I am remembering my father! God bless. Please, take care. Jordan	2003-12-18 00:56:49
Caroling	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I immediately see the picture of the girl scouts marching for caroling! This is a very enlivining piece! Energetic is the atmosphere that I almost join in to "Deck the halls with boughs of holly tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la"! A very original concept you applied here with no trace of dullness. Spectacular is the imagery as I see the image with: "We three kings of Orient are" Twinkling lights, a Christmas tree star This seems to reenact the birth of our dear Lord Jesus Christ. We should all join this joyful carolers in saying: "Joy to the world the Lord has come" Carolers on thresholds, feet so numb ....and savor the tinkle of: "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way" Icicles drip, pearly drops splash astray ------liked this line very much creating a melodic sibilant sound The finally have the last quotation which is very uplifting: "Silent night, holy night, all is calm all is bright" Sweet lassies lilting beneath shaded light I am basked with wonderment in awe of the Child Jesus! The last two lines are modernized and I like the transition of the Holy silent night on the crib to the scene in the Chrisman's house! Thanks Marilyn, I am glad you are now high-spirited, I can feel your sorrow and homesickness during holidays are now transformed into a lilting spirit! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead! Jordan	2003-12-17 02:58:07
Snow ( A Rondolet )	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, I understand that this was your original piece to "Snow * Revised into Rondolets*" which I have critiqued already. Let me just critique this since it appears on my list today. I have given you some insights on your revision like how the rondelets appear to me, the form and the challenge it is giving me. So, no more technical comment here. Alright, this made me realized that here in the link, we really learn because of the fellow poets we have here. It is interactive and everyone is willing to comment and give input to our submissions. This really a very good ground for us to learn and at the same time to enjoy. I really love this site, you know. Thanks for sharing this with us, Drenda. Your presence in the link is also a great contribution to the life of our beloved link. You know, I am wondering the number of poem submissions every month is dimishing. SO I need I think to get more active. I'm just concern. SMILE. Jordan	2003-12-16 13:21:37
cleansing	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, First and foremost, I am glad to see your submission this month. December is already ending and I am always looking forward to your submission. This one is another fine piece with the very poignant emotion. I can see your present submissions were sad just like "Fragments". Are you kinda sad today? I hope not. It's already Christmas time! We have to be joyful and forget the sad memories for the meantime if there are any. Alright, you bring out the tone effectively by giving the concrete action the girl is doing. I assume that this girl which could be you is trying to forget the sad memories. There is a concrete visual throughout the piem that the readers could really SEE and feel the emotion. My suggestion maybe is that you can take out some words like the articles to adbridge and somehow simplified. Although, it's not a big deal. SMILE. For example, She stands over a barrel, the wind touching her hair, ---[take out "the"] at dusk. Sparks rise in the air in front of her as one by one she removes the pages and feeds them to the flames. It seems ---[remove "the"] Sacred, like a ritual of cleansing. [delete "of"] The line "as one by one she removes the pages and feeds them to the flames." ----this created the tone, very poignant, creating an emphatic phrase The ending is very poignant also. As I've said the tone is effectively carried out throughout the poem that this reader is satisfied, not left hanging. Thanks for sharing, Sandra. I hope you have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ahead. Jordan	2003-12-16 11:25:29
Snow * Revised into Rondolets*	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, I can sense you have been playful nowadays in your poetry, huh! I mean, you are experimenting on some forms. Last time you have the haiku. And this one, a rondelet. I am not that quite familiar with this form but I can say that it is a challenging one. As far as I know, a rondelet has seven lines and always two rhymes, with the 1rst line containing 4 syllables repeated as lines 3 and 7 and the other lines containing 8 syllables. And you perfected it! And interestingly you have coupled it! Reading your piece is quite enjoyable visualizing the pretty cool imagery. Oh, I haven't experienced snowfall yet because we don't have winter season in our place. We only have sunny and rainy days. We have a tropical country. So, let me experience it with your poem. I like the use of the metaphor "White feathers floating to the ground". It is very apt because feathers are light that it would act the same. The soft fricative 'f' creates a wonderful sound serving as the melody of the snowfall. And the fricative is refrained in the 6th line "Flurries of fragile flakes around". The second rondelet is a match with the "In sunset's glow". Like the imagery of the twilight with the flurries of fragile flakes around. I read your previous submission of Snow. You made this a success. Thanks for letting me experience the snowfall. In our place we have hot sunlight, sad! SMILE! Jordan	2003-12-15 11:23:06
Ice Daggers	marilyn terwilleger	A successful attempt at haiku, Marilyn! Thanks to Erzahl that he had inspired you to write this! This one is a wonderful season's greeting. It is timely for I heard some places in United States that are snowing right now. Here, in the Philippines, it's just getting a little colder but the sunshine is still there. I like the metaphor of ice daggers. The use of the action verb "dribble" is interestingly appropriate! It creates a wonderful 'd' alliteration. In the second stanza I can visualize the scene though I haven't experienced snow yet. How I wish to have it here in your place even once a year. Sad, ours are only typhoons! My God, I hate it! But I am enjoying seeing outside some materials are flying together with the leaves of the trees and the branches. SMILE! The willingness of the snow to drop is dramatic and it seems that it is also enjoying itself filling eager sod! I enjoyed the nice imagery while you met the form 5-7-5 syllabication. Thanks for sharing. Right now, here in our place it is shining! How bad! Just kiddin'! Is snow dangerous also? If so, take care. Jordan	2003-12-14 23:06:31
Saluting Robert Creeley	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I became very excited to know the favorite poet of one of my favorite poets in the link! I can't critique this without researching on the life of Robert Creeley, now, I got some biography: "He was born Arlington, Massachusetts, on May 21, 1926" "He has published more than sixty books of poetry" That's enough just to let you know that I was curious knowing this author, how he makes you admire him. The author is really undeniably prolific in his poetry works. I read some of his pieces like "Goodbye", "Zero", "The Mirror", etc. If I can compare it with your pieces, yours are more profound and more deep. Yours are different in style and concept, I can say. Anyways...I should also salute to that poet because you does. With only 45 words, you have versed the tribute so well with no trace of unsatisfaction to this reader. The first three descriptors (Dew-jeweled, fresh, renewed) are agreeable with me as I can his works reflect it as I read some of them. "Raindrops filled with treasure as a river pleasuring in its persistence." ----When you describe this, I can second the motion by saying that his works are full of nutrients and life the readers can savor. Smoke signals are noisy compared to his spare speech: simple, select, rare. ----this tells to the readers that this guy is humble. I think he is timid and not arrogant. But his silence is more than a loud voice through his writings. THe last input satisfied me completely with: "Merely a mouth like Noah's dove." What an amazing phrase! Mell, if you have somehow followed the footsteps of Robert Creeley, I'm sure you are more eloquent and more prolific. Thanks for sharing this with us. If I have time I would research further on the life of that poet. Take care, Jordan	2003-12-14 13:31:59
No Use Trying to Forget	madge B zaiko	Hi Madge, First all, welcome to the link. I'm sure you'll have fun and at the same time learning as this is what I have upon joining way back in august of 2000. This is a living testimonial! Just kiddin'! Your first submission didn't disappoint me with your emotional piece "No Use Trying to Forget" which is a reality to, if not all, most of the living individual in their experience of lost love. The refrain of "Old wounds break open." seems to be the highlight of the poem and it could be the title of the piece but "No Use Trying to Forget" is catchy. It is also intriguing that the readers are drawn into curiosity especially me that I am still a bachelor. I have experienced lost love but my heart was not that wounded like you, if your poem is a true self-experience. A very impulsive input you have here: "I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart and put stone there to block" ---the metaphor is powerful and is very true! But I think you have a typo here, "familar" which should be "familiar". This is a small thing to consider, though. Maybe, you were just driven by your emotion when you were typing this! SMILE! They sting first ---I am thinking of inserting "at" before "first". It's not that important, though. Like a wasp ---the simile makes an emphatic phrase! It is appropriately used. and swell I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes praying they would go down ----again, the simile is apt and it makes a poignant tone! I understand your emotion here! His arms like spider webs His heart; my tomb And all I want to do is rest... ----sometimes we don't expect that this person whom we shared love became the thief of our dreams. Very great lines, so moving! Your piece made me realized of the faimiliar adage "to forget is forgive". Do you believe that it is through forgiving that you will forget? Thanks for sharing, Madge. This is a realistic and significant piece one can relate. Keep writing! Jordan	2003-12-14 07:34:01
japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	No, Erzahl, I see zillion up above the sky! But here in the link I only see a single STAR who lights the site with japanese verses. And his stark stardom is starved by many! Do you know him? More than I ever know! SMILE. Your theme is timely for this Yuletide season. It brings back to memory the reenactment of the birth of Jesus. This one is fraught with starry sibilance with harmoniously triple 's' allits in each line. It is a starry nutrient (starch) of this verse! The use of "starry starch" is new to me and I can see its appropriate application. As to this reader, "starch" here is used to mean "nutrient" (starry nutrient ----wonderful!). The use of verb in each line is a new concept. The imperatives make the readers participate in the thought. Although, I have a little comment on the second line: "Startle by its starry starch" ---I suppose the adjective "startled" fits the tense because you are using "by". I am thinking of omitting "by" to make it "Startle its starry starch"! I don't know, I may be wrong (forgive me)---but it distracts me a little. But omitting "by" would distort the form on syllabication. Not sure of it, though. I apologize if I am getting ungrammatical here! But the whole concept is starry and applaudable. Thanks for the stargazing. Regards, Jordan	2003-12-13 10:18:16
First, Last Kiss	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Bobby, I must be blessed to first critique this one. This is completely a new discovery in poetry. Well, you submitted several pieces of unique amazing form like this. I think you are also fond of sculpture. Your artful work and designs in poetry ar no compare (no pun ---it is evident in your works). I have not seen any work submitted here in the link that has an image like your work. Thanks for the additional notes for the immediate aid in understanding your work. But I think this is not quite complicated because it is really seen in the figure as if a true sculpture here in my screen. Her Mona Lisa smile is even a pictured acutely. Mona Lisa has a long hair and it can be seen here. It seems all the words you chose are carefully chosen to magically form the image of that young woman. And the more it become interesting because of the theme, "meditating on that first, last kiss". It seems lovely but it was a little tragic. I thought of the first kiss that lasts forever! Intriguing one! You were I think deceived bu the Mona Lisa smile of that young woman. So impulsive is this input: "O! how you captured me by your profile, Blinding my dreams and dooming my hope while Caging me with one kiss behind mind’s bars, Forever doomed to walk the desert Mars." Your choice of words made powerful descriptors. And the influx of your ideas just flow nicely to the reflective ending. I almost couldn't believe the creation of this piece with all the constraints like the form and the rhyming but it seems you didn't have any hard effort for this. You seemed to have it scultured with ease. A clever clever work. Artful, deft, skillful...what else should I say. Another piece worth of publication in The Guiness Book of Record. I hope to see this as a winner. Keep submitting your amazing works. It is your trademark. Jordan	2003-12-12 23:13:39
MAN-HATER	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Hi April, Glad to hear your poem for the second time, the first you had was "Crafted in the Hands of Shaskespeare" and it was awesome for its poignant emotion of lost love. This one is another poem of quality. You portrayed a gruesome scenario mean men are doing to innocent children. And it sad to note that it is rampant nowadays, media either paper or voice told it. Your first input, "She came home with her dress no different from the kitchen rags;" ----I was thinking that this girl was a beggar abandoned by parents but it was because she was molested by this ruthless man....that's why she became a man-hater. Thus, the title is validated in fullness. Your presentation and words are poetic even though you have this issue which is a hot news in every day media. It is hard to have the influx of your words run poetically considering that your theme is such a tragic one. But from the tragic beginning, this girl became the muse of Apollo. She was given wreath of laurel in her outstanding work in poetry. It is a great achievement. This woman did not allow darkness to end her life yet she struggled and became worthy in her society. In concealment, he hate men forever in her life. She could not be blamed of that. It is just giving her the justice and her own. The ending is very effective as you put there the epitaph: "Here lies she who drank contempt for Dionysus' disciples." Very outstanding work, April. I hope this could serve as awakening to our society especially to men. Thanks for sharing this greatly significant work. This is worthy of laureal! Keep writing. Your words are gem. Jordan	2003-12-12 05:10:32
The Murder of Emily Dickenson	C Arrownut	Here you are once again, Gayle, making my mind and brain collide to deep pondering! But still can smile in simplicity! SMILE! The Murder of Emily Dickenson? What a title to make me curious! I remembered the in our Literature before, our teacher assigned us to select one of the proponents of Literature. Emily Dickenson was chosen by my other classmate, mine, was ee cummings. I don't exactly remember the report of my classmate about her life. Anyways, what popped up right to my mind when I read the first strophe was the mental and emotional conflicts of a person, maybe the writer or the person whom the writer talked about. The session holds but just ourselves and psychotherapy. I think you are portraying the affairs of that person you write towards you. Or maybe, describing the mental/psychological aspect of that person and her inner being. I'm sorry. I think I am lost again in here. I slowly waited--the mind knows no haste-- and I had put away my pain and my sorrow too for civility’s sake. ----the second stanza as to the comprehension of the reader, speaks the character of that person, the good side: being patient, willing to sacrifice for the sake of politeness. The third stanza bursts the sad emotion. It is very poignant to read and feel. That person is pondering about her past which was joyful and now she is lost in the dark. I think you are placing yourself as the person you are talking about. You make yourself the character to reenact the past life of that person. "I remembered the setting sun or rather suicide and death." ---this gives me the hint in validating the title. The use of metaphors are effective to reinforce the tone of the poem. "introspection’s my only gown", "courage my only tool". The poignance of the impact is gravitated in this input. "I pause before a house that swells and gushes with tears." The metaphor is so strong and unique in its concept. Ok, I think this is enough, Gayle. I am just volumizing my garbage here! SMILE! If you can enlighten me with this piece. I always critique your poem eventhough they appear head-craking to me like the "File" which was one of my fav's last month. Thanks for sharing. Please don't leave me lost in the forest! Help me find the light! SMILE! Jordan	2003-12-11 05:35:09
Establishing Vocabulary	Mell W. Morris	Oh, I am very much interested with this, Mell, because you know I am gathering vocabularies since my English is not quite good! SMILE! You know, I am always excited if I can find a word that is new to me. If there is a new word that I can come across, I would immediately consult my dictionary. Here, in ThePoeticlink, I can establish my vocabularies through your writings. And of course, I am already so much attached to critiquing so that I can apply all these words I encounter. Your input is very effective with nascent and incipient. The validity of the title is immediately reinforced as these two words are the same and you know, to this readers, they are new to me. I might've come across with these before but forgot it. I like the association of man spreading his clan to bring about the ideas the idea of lexis, total set of words in a language as distinct from morphology. Oh, I am what you are talking about! I am a tyro poet, a neophyte at poetry. I started writing poetry when I was introduced to this link. That is reality! I wouldn't have written over 50 poems now without ThePoeticLink. Really! I really like the line "The tyro poet forms a rhyme, his first line of harmony." The concept is again new and your trademark, poet! Your higlight once again is amazing as you thrill me with the sun sinks to think and to fathom....very deep in thoughts I could sense. How fathomable is the depth of your mind penetrating to the deepest facite of human life, the spiritual aspect. You mean halcyon here as tranquil, right? Really eloquent in your words and language! Wow, the ending is very profound! I am amazed by your input: "To please the empyrean is his goal and his prime concern is to learn the meter to the utmost rung that he, yet incomplete, could greet the Lord of tongues." Should that also be my goal as a tyro poet and even when I became a perplexed poet? Mell, all your poetry is undeniably profound! That hits the mind of your fellow poets like me! I should be establishing my vocabulary through you! Thank you very, this is another winner, I should say! Take care and be safe! I hope you are now relieved with your illness. Jordan	2003-12-10 00:43:31
Awaken	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I could relate your experience with this one because I also had nightmares before that created a trauma in my mind but it did not happen in real life and I did not consider it as a premonition. I am not a believer of premonition. I considered it as a coincidence but some do. Well, if one believes it, it has a good thing to serve because it somehow make the person aware and be cautious in all he's gonna do. In this poem, you are very descriptive in your words. Your adjectives and descriptors are highlighting the suspense and thrill. I can feel goosebumps when you mentioned that you touched the fingers of that friend of yours that suddenly a cold chill splintered your spine! Nice matching with splintered/spine. Your first input is so thrilling and if one would closely place his self on the situation, his hairs on skin would stand with the goosebumps. This is an awakening entrance. But the scene is sweet and alluring in the first three lines. The gardens [garden's?] blush waned to gray, my delight gave into panic. I can feel what you felt during those times. Your words make the suspense. And I think even you wrote this I could say that you still have the trace of nervousness so that because you have mispelled one word: My eyes lids ["eyes' lids" or merely "eye lids", I think!] fluttered as my being sturggled [struggled] to awaken Just a little thing to consider. Are you still feeling it this time? SMILE! Thanks for sharing this with us, Marilyn. We hope that that the trauma of disease you experienced was already buried and would return no more. God bless and be safe. Jordan	2003-12-09 16:19:39
POP	Robert L Tremblay	What is this Bobby? What an amazing piece! A palindrome? Ok, I got the definition: a word, phrase, verse, or sentence that reads the same backward or forward. Ah, that's why the title is "POP"! I got it! SMILE. Just got excited with this one. And this one contains a deep, spiritual truth? Ok, let me try to solve the puzzle! Zibeline X, a (O!) nystagmus, Ok, I got your first line! Without your additional notes, my head would have cracked to unravel the meaning of that word of phrase! You sometimes, I don't like the conveyance of X for Christ. I mean, 'x' letterally connotes negative or 'out' like ex-girlfriend, triple x which means porn?,,,etc. On the other hand, ex means superb like extraordinary, exemplary, etc. Anyway, X to represents Christ is becoming universal. Oh, the second line is interesting! Woven Canon Ezra job....woven by God? rebuilding the temple? Oh, this should be a great work if that is so! A departed Ibis...So, I think this work is in reference to Greek, the language? Where can I find all these informations? Proto Symthex Indexing? Knowing that this is relating to a certain program in computer, my interest is boiled up. I mean, you seem to relate the new days of Anno Domini to this modern day of us! I like computers by the way. My work right now is in computers specifically hardware. Another interesting thought is the association of Muslim world. Ok, to sum up, what is the thought?...Hmmm...Christ is coming back?.... Alright, I really have a fantastic day reading one. I mean, this has a serious theme, but the form is what gets me excited! Thanks, Bobby! By the way, congratulations for your 'The Last Conflict'. It scores high! Jordan	2003-12-05 22:12:20
The Other Side	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I would not end the month without critiquing this one. This is so artistic and every essence of poetry is here. One thing that I can describe this poem is, "it is moving". It makes the readers participate in the thought by pondering. This is a great great work. I would not critique this further but just savoring on the reflective touch it has given me. Everything here are essentially outstanding, the theme, the flow, the language, the figurative speech used and a lot more to amaze the readers. I have critiqued your other piece "Watermarks". But I would select this one. Thank you and congratulations for this superb work! I salute to you with all my admiration and respect for your work. Jordan	2003-12-05 21:30:56
japanese verse 33 (Snow Capes)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I'm in my work while critiquing your poem and it is 2:27 AM. I am already saturated with talking here so I decided to critique and thanks to your poem that somehow eased out the burden of work! Another standing ovation for this japanese verse, highly crafted as usual! This gives me a splendid imagery that I can savor to the max feeling the softest thing in this world. To this reader, you are not spoiling the metaphor by stating it in your additional notes. I even thank you because honestly I wouldn't have known that marshmallow pillows is the same as clouds. This is terrific! I'm savoring the 'm' and 'w' sound while feeling the soft pillow but I could not lie down here in my work station! SMILE! Alright, as usual all the words are essential and you have made a perfect choice of descriptors. The visual is great that the readers can vividly see the picture. This is simply loved! Congratulation in advance for the November contest. I have caste my first vote already, and of course, you know na! SMILE! Best, Jordan	2003-12-02 13:40:57
Finding Hope	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, The number of lines in you poem equals to the number that is my favorite number, 10! SMILE! Am just excited to critique this highly incredible poem that says everything in just a few words 44 words in total! All these words are essential to flow the influx of ideas. And considering that the theme is significant, that is universally applicable, it brings an inevitable impulse to the readers. No wonder that it scores high in the winners' list. With minimized words, the imagery is vivid and very fascinating. I can picture out the nice visual of the bare trees breaking teh ash gray sky. The firs input "Configured as they are" makes a compelling opening that draws the reader further. "into fractal jigsaw pieces" is an exquisite description, your trademark. This proves that your language is high in quality. Ah, the metaphor of hope you are portraying. Very original in concept as you associate this to northern birds preparing to stay in winter amidst of scarcity of foods or whaterver. This is laconically written yet you managed to apply poetic devices like allits, assonance, metaphors, etc. that create a very nice visual the readers can see and they make the poem more enlivining. Nothing to suggest for improvement. I can a quotation to complete my critique, "This is small but terrible!" Thank you for sharing. The hope of this poem to be one of the top poems is great. Jordan	2003-12-02 04:28:37
Tsa-ga-gla-tal	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Auntie Joanne, Your revision of Tsa-ga-gla-tal makes the piece even more fascinating. I couldn't totally recall the words you put in the previous version but I can see a lot of words and phrases perfectly revised so that I see this as freshly-baked and "hotly" served! Am I correct with "hotly-served"? SMILE! I remember previously you have the name "Full Harvest Moon". Now, you have "Full Beaver Moon"! It has a nicer touch, I would say! It is timely for as it is submitted this November. Wise choice! A very enticing imagery with your description "floats low in cobalt sky, face pressed close". I like the harmonious sound of 't' and 's'. I also like the thrill here "lighting a path into the woods"...I can think a stage play where the light is directed to a performer. This is like a show in the woods! Great! And her comes the scene...the raccoon...very thrilling...I should get a ticket ahead of others if this is a real show! SMILE! The action you pictured of the raccoon is enlivining. The inclusion of the phrase "I‘m wise to you!" is making the piece even more authentic. It seems to me that the raccoon is very pompous! SMILE! Alright, the ending seems to give me a wishful thinking. Thank you for revising this. This is a contender for this month. But let me critique first the other submission you have "On Sipping Tea" before making a choice. Kudos to your work, as always, Auntie Joanne. By the way, you critique less nowadays, why? Are you on a vacation? Take care, Jordan	2003-11-30 07:59:34
acrostic 1 (Wishful Thinking)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, How nice of you to be inspired by Turner! Thanks to him that you this I should say "challenging" form is made known here in the link. In fact, I didn't know this form until Turner made its introduction. As defined, Acrostic is a poem or series of lines in which certain letters, usually the first in each line, form a name, motto, or message when read in sequence. This piece is even more clever because you provided a word for each letter of the phrase "wishful thinking" which is not usual like the other submitted pieces here in the link. So it is given more credit for that. The theme is significant as everybody can relate it because is everybody is doing it. Everyday we say numerous wishes and these make us hopeful to do the best that we can do. It's like if you have wishful thinking, it will guide to exert more efforts for all those wishes to become reality. That is the thought that comes into my mind when reading this piece. "seeing hidden fantasies" is just apt to describe the things we dream of that are yet to be realized. "keys identifying neglected gates" is an original phrase. When you say "identifying" you mean "unlocking"? Just clearing it up. By the way, it is an interesting metaphor, 'the keys'. I think this is all I can say to your acrostically clever piece. It is a successful attempt to start your series of acrostic. Excited to wait the next launching. SMILE. Thanks for the nice experience on this form. Best regards, Jordan	2003-11-30 07:36:31
japanese verse 32 (Chess)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I'm glad to see your poem on the top of my list. The more I get enjoyment on your thoughts on this one because this is playful in the real sense. I am not quite good in playing chess but I can manage to defend myself with my opponent. I learned to play chess from my girlfried, by the way. Hehe. She was a credible contender in out college. But now she is already my ex. Hehe. So, you let me remind of her shortly. Hehe. Should I say I can sense royalty in your piece? No, no, no...just jokin'. This is not about kingship or queenship....Well, I'm just playing with my mind so I can tell more to lengthen my critique coz I feel I can only give a little on this. Hehe. Your japanese verse 32 is a senryu, as I learned the definition from you. I almost couldn't believe that your thought ran far to this subject. Of course, I enjoyed it much! Maybe, you are also fond of this game. If not, of course, everybody knows the concept of it. Every word here made a substantial concept on the subject. The use of King and Queen is simply nice and strong enough to carry out the idea. You can even use pawn or horse or bishop, but the two are powerful partners. The use of "gambits" as a verb is new to me. It is original. I think you are the first one to use it. I could say it has the sense of appropriateness. It can be defined as "maneuvers (verb)". And it involves a tactical sacrifice. It has a nice touch and just apt to put the scene into the technicality of the game. It goes appropriately with the phrase "checkered arena"---the position of a king so attacked. Nice, nice, nice....and the use is technically clever. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jordan	2003-11-29 03:53:13
Missing	marilyn terwilleger	Oh, Marilyn, I can feel your sadness! Without this poem, I wouldn't know your state in life. But please don't be so sad, have other people (your children, relatives, friends) replenish the miss you have with your late husband. I don't know what happened to his disappearance on you, but I could feel how important he is and how he planted unforgettable memories on you. Anyway, so much of the emotions here (SMILE), your poem is simply effective to carry out the atmosphere, the tone and purpose. The humongous emotion is enough to be brought out in three stanza, thus laconically written. The application of a nice rhyming pattern is signifant to alleviate the sad emotion. It is appreciated most because I can see no restraint in expressing your emotions. It simply flows with ease and freedom. I can surely see your intimate relationship with your husband as his presence is rememered when eat a pie. Maybe, before you shared the pie sweetly. I can visualize a picture you and your husband having good times eating pie (SMILE). I can see a poetic device you used here "my bed always seems to grow larger" --it appears to me as an idiomatic expression which is an appropriate highlight for the emotion to be vividly felt. The ending is quite moving. It satisfatorily tell to the readers the emotion you want to share. Thank you so much for sharing with us, I hope you somehow alleviated with your sad feelings as you shared this poem to TPL. Hope the good memories of your husband would haunt you this Holiday and would make you feel not the sadness but a feeling of acceptance and release that would make you smile. Jordan.	2003-11-27 04:41:44
Birth Right	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, I'm glad I stubled again to your wonderful poetry. I remember the last I critiqued from you is Epitaph. As usual, you amaze me with your poetic creativity. This one is a very profound and significant poem. I can see here the great virtues like heroism, allegiance, partriotism, valor and dignity. You bring me to a national spirit here. Birth Right...is simply the best title for this poem for it speaks about young people designated to be warriors and defenders to their country. Although your theme is serious, you managed to have good visuals and your words come with exquisite regularities. The highlight of your poetic devices is a special merit to the significant theme. You started the piece with a great line to open up the mind of this reader to a sense of valor "We carried the sword of a father’s will". I can SEE your poem with a concrete picture of a sword which reinforce the subject. The last line of the first stanza "Straight and proud, we were so young." reminds me of responsibility as a youth towards my nation. I am still young but old enough to uphold the ideals. Freshly taught in scripted nobility ----this is an amazing line! New and original to this reader. You put a signature here. I am moved to your reference of fair skins "Blue eyed fair skins picked to lead the world". I can see the significance of the descriptor. Yet others of color and faith lay down Choice made on the choices chosen -----wonderful repitition of ch in triplet-- it makes an emphasis Without facts, less than one sided...no sided...miss guidance ---this line is simply participating. It is a point of awakening to all. The influx of your ideas come with profundity till you come up with an effective ending: "Tell the tale and wave the flag, While we were so very young." This is a poem of valor and respect. I salute to your profound ideas. I hope to see this as one of the poets' choices. Jordan.	2003-11-27 04:16:40
Haiku	Drenda D. Cooper	How reflective is this verse, Drenda! With only ten words you have created a huge influx of ideas as this piece points out human nature. One's history is not forgotten, it always repeats as time elapses. It may not repeat in such a way that the actions are done again but the memories are brought back and reflected one way or another. I like the use of conrete visual "the mirror of time" to enhance the idea of history repeating. It made me realized that even the hourglass of a person has disappeared still there is a mirror of time to reflect back the the past. By the way, the tone of the poem seems to appear poignant to me because of the words "silent" and "lost". Our wish to reflect the momentous events but it is also inevitable that the sad days are brought back to memories. Thanks for sharing, Drenda. Any Physics updates? SMILE. Jordan	2003-11-26 11:49:16
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, This poem reflects to me as a sad one. I feel the writer's contemplation of his own thoughts and writings as you described in your first line "He is afraid it will be good." There seems to be a restraint in the influx of his ideas because it may appear tasteless to others and his effort is impeded "At the end of the day he presses delete." I like the way your words here. It is a little abstract but I can see it's reinforcing the tone. I idea is timely for me because it connotes technology like pressing the delete button on the keyboard when things go wrong. Just a thought. The sadness is carried out effectively especially in the second stanza. Your choice of words and descriptions are undeniably precise and appropriate to carry on the tone. I can really see the implication of technology in your ideas as you associate motion control system bringing me into the world of computers. Thus, originality is manifested. The visual is contretize with "top half of his lip", "chunk of his wrist" and "tip of his right ear". A mysteriouly reflective ending you have here: After the words have filled up the air, How will we breath. A little comment on "breath"---I think it should be a verb "breathe". Overall, you have carried out the tone effectively and it is a merit on your poem. Thanks for sharing, Sandra.	2003-11-26 11:11:02
Watermarks	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, If this is a response to a challenge (whatever it is, I don't know), you have certainly met the challenge. Watermarks is a catchy in itself. On my first glance I can think of a mark showing the greatest height to which water has risen. But interestingly, it is a translucent design impressed on paper...thus printing...In this case you are presenting a life of a person wherein, as I literally grasped, it is his livelihood that is inherited from his ancestors. Or it could be a metaphor of living a carefree life....Is it? Just a thought! Liked the use of "long-urned". The view of of the lake in that great State is wonderful. I can picture it out though I am not familiar with that place in the US and loved the energetic implication of toddling, losing blues. This line "He avoids the print shop with its stench of ink, its smudges and drudgery." makes an interesting read with the shop/stench/smudges/drudgery sound effect. I like the wordings here: Yet his soul glows at fine- textured, personalized stationery. The tactile basso-relievo of embossed paper: a sensory rush much like his last touch of a soft palimpsest. ...original...impressive...highly eloquent...the trademard of Mell Morris. SMILE. I like the association of "palimpsest" ---of course I have a dictionary with me...it is a manuscript, typically of papyrus or parchment, that has been written on more than once, with the earlier writing incompletely erased and often legible. ....Very apt to reinforce the idea of watermarks. The last stanza is wonderfully highighted with allits... printed/paper/precludes, odd/doddery, quaint/querulous...it adds the flavor your trademark. Really really nicely done. As usual your writings are high in quality. More of your creative crafts, Mell! Jordan.	2003-11-24 17:14:42
The File	C Arrownut	Hi C, It is always a dare for me to critique your poem. This one is laconically written. The File? Is this a metaphor or to be taken literally? Let me see....(I am chuckling myself!) I think you are presenting a scenario of life here that is worthy of reflection....giving us a philosophy in life. The first input seems to give me a fun mood. It's like starting the ball rolling in a game....take it! take it! SMILE. The second stanza is a philosophical in nature....it seems to give a command or imperative that is to be taken a little serious in life. It looks like the line "by the nose of those beady-eyed people in black wingtips" is an idiomatic expression! Is it? I have a dictionary to look for "beady-eyed" ---having eyes that gleam with malice...a powerful descriptor! It adds the impact to the imperative "gauge your success...". Liked the inclusion of the allits in burned/brains, dug/deep/diaphragms, slimy/spines, etc. You are presenting here a real scenario of the life of some people here....defiling/sullying......The use of imperative approach is really impulsive...making the readers participate on the tackled issue. The sixth stanza manifest the theme. Like the intense, thrill, mystery....This one is alive...putting the readers into action. You get a merit, Gayle. Thanks for sharing. Jordan.	2003-11-24 16:02:04
Joe T's Pub and Billards	Robert L Tremblay	Dear Robert, First of all, thank you for sharing this amazingly structured piece. This is really a new experience in poetry. I can't believe you have made such kind of undeniably difficult work! I have read your critiqued your piece last month entitled "The Mountain Man's Mystic Missive" ---which has also a very unique structure but this one is more to be proud at! It is really hard to do this. The structure, the body, the thoughts, the wordings, the subject, etc. seem to show up harmoniously. And gosh, the rhyming is perfectly carried out all over the poem! I could not imagine how you did it perfectly knowing that there is a big restraint on the structure. I really give my utmost appreciation to this kind of work. Its content puts me in the playful mood. I am fond of billiards as this is one of sports during leisure time. The rectangular shape of a billiard table is structured well and I can imagine it physically. The cue ball with the stick gives me a nerve to play! SMILE. The essence of the poem is established in making a reflection in this man's life. I can see you are giving us here a philosophy in life. And the association of God here is more than a food to energize one to make the cue balls hit the right score in winnung this game of life. I could not give any further input to this outstanding piece. I have saturated myself on this kind of new experience, a challenge for every poet. You have a trademark here, poet! This is a poem to be put in the Guiness Book of Records. Thank you very much for sharing, Robert. You should get a big merit on this one. Jordan.	2003-11-24 14:42:24
Be Silent	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie I was stone with amazement and admiration with your peom. It let me think and reflect about myself. You have created a good and inspiring piece of art that blends well to each of the words. Each them are like songs being sang by the angels in the sky. It was like a harmony of prayer and love that was sent to all to read. Each line express a sincere and honest appreciation of life and peace. Of how you can direct people who are blind to see the world in a different kind. You would be an inspiration to all an inspiration to write more. Hope that this critique of mine would serve as a voice of thanks and appreciation to a angel like song.	2003-11-23 16:21:24
japanese verse 31 (Twilight)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, Once again, you manage to have a masterful piece! You are very very artistic in this form. This is not a pun, I have read and critiqued most of your crafts and they are outstanding. No wonder you excelled high on the winner's list. This one is a great great haiku! The concept of the sun and the twighlight is very new to me. I mean your wordings are exquisite. I don't know how you came up with these lines. The metaphor of the sun as the great torch is unique and new to me. I never think of that before. The flame of the sun being described as scandalous is interestingly new. I have to agree with this description because when you say scandalous it is usually associated with something that is....I can't explain it! Hehe! And the third line aptly follows the adjective scandalous. In the real sense, if one does a scandalous act especially unknowingly, he has to be ashamed of it. The sun shies away....is fabulous! I really like this, Erzahl. It is something to be given a standing ovation. More of it, pls! Jordan.	2003-11-23 03:53:48
Winter Night (revised)	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, Glad to see the revision. It stands perfect now. I can see the changing of symphony to music which make the poem completely obeys the form of a nonet. It is also remarkable that you ended the first line with a semicolon, it is helpful because the second line brings another imagery apart from the first line. It's like the first line is observed outside and the second line is inside. The changing of music is more powerful than the symphony because it is more realistic because the scene is inside the home not in a certain theater or whatever. Just a thought. Alright, this poem now stands powerful with its nice visuals, making the readers see and feel the emotions. Thanks for revising, Debbie! Take care. Jordan.	2003-11-22 16:27:39
Winter Night	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, I am glad and excited that you are back to the site. I remember the last time I critiqued your poem way back in 2001. Actually, I became inactive last june 2001 and only last sept 2003 that I was back to the link. It was after I got my first career after graduation. Anyways.... It is nice of you to be inspired by Jennifer. I have also critiqued her work and it was my first time to be exposed to this kind of poetry and I was amazed how the form manages to have a complete thought. This one is about Winter Night! Does a nonet has a specific theme like a haiku which only concern on seasons. "Frost-tipped windows" is already a complete descriptor of a winter night. I like cold atmosphere it brings because I like to sleep in this kind of temperature. There is a remarkable harmonious application of alliterations that fit in the mood like wind/windows, cuddle/candles, and so on... The transition of the imagery of a howling wind to the soft symphony is interestingly amazing. Amidst the seemingly fierce imagery, there is the looming of the soft playing of symphony. Entwined bodies together as one soul is more than appealing...I can feel the aroma of love here. The only little comment is the third line which I think doesn't agree with the form because it has 8 syllables which is supposedly only 7. But that is only a small thing compared to the value I can get from this poem with its interesting visuals. Thanks for sharing, Debbie. Welcome back, Jordan.	2003-11-22 14:59:25
Old Friend	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, you just proved in this piece that the interesting line that goes a dog is a man's best friend. I like the playful atmosphere of your piece as you told about some interesting actions and features of Mutt. The name is cute in itself. He is like a dear son for you! Your descriptions here just flow nicely from the beginning 'til the end with some of the rhyme schemes. I admire the dog as you described here: "He dealt with his hard life of pain never once did he complain". He is such a strong dog! Though, he was born a crippled little runt. How pitiful he is when his mother left him alone! I can think of one of the kids in the street begging for food with no home. But thanks to his savior who gave him food, shelter and rescue. I find these lines funny! "the vet said "you put him down now" my wife said "no way and no how" I can remember when I was a little child I am fond of hugging a puppy and putting it on my lap as if he was a little brother of mine. I really enjoyed the read and the reminishing thoughts you have told us about your dear Mutt, he is indeed a man's best friend. Thanks for sharing. Jordan.	2003-11-22 14:27:27
Crafted in the Hands of Shakespeare	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Wow, April, this is a an outstanding piece. I can see mixed emotions here. First of all, the tone of the poem is poignant as it is saying adieu that could be depicted more on the two lovers or the two persons being binded with a closer relationship. But it is nice to note that the poignance is done artistically (by associating some allusions that seems to be crafted in the hands of Shakespeare). This is not only highlighted by allusions but also metaphor that makes the poem able to see by the readers, that is, giving concrete visuals which is the essential of a good poetry. Also, it is manifested by the use of concrete nouns like ship/plane/sunlight/rosebud, etc. I especially like the second stanza, the allusion is so powerful that makes the loveliest emotion one can feel. I can compare this to a Shakeperean lines! "take me to the gazebo and dance there for eternity" --amazing line here. The original concept is remarkable. You have such an artistic craftmanhip that is your trademark, poet! The ending is simply amazing: "Take me instead into your soul and together let us say farewell..." Very effectively moving! Let me end my input now, I can say that this poem stands powerful with good visuals and deeply felt emotions. Thanks for sharing, April. I crave for more of your poetry. Jordan	2003-11-22 11:36:03
Her Healing Hands	Mark D. Kilburn	How nice of you to write this lovely and inspiring poem, Mark! I think this is my first time to read a poem of this kind, huh! I can relate the ideas so much especially that I am still a bachelor, still courting...SMILE. But this love you portray here is more intimate and mature. It evident in the title HER HEALING HANDS, it even denotes love grounded by spirituality. By the triple H in the title is interesting! The poem is teemed with lovely metaphors like "shade in your trees", "your flowers", "your light", "little birds in your garden", etc. They give me new concepts though they seem to appear regular. The visuals applied are vividly powerful. In the first strophe, it reinforced the validity of the title as it describes the person as the light that warms the soul, the tree of refuge, the touch of healing. So as in the second stanza as you described your dear as "you’re gifted at healing old aches, pains and scars". Yep, I agree with that because your beloved someone will inspire you and wash away all the tiredness and there would be no wall for tears and desperation. The free verse style simply works aptly signifying freedom. Love is freedom, no one can ever stop you from loving someone. My only comment is, sometimes when I read line by line, sometimes I can feel a little uneasy to where to pause because of the absence of puncutations like commas. But it is a preference. Also a little comment on this line: Your ground covers cover my many mistakes Isn't it redundant to use two words in a single line? You used cover for as noun and verb in the same line. I would prefer deleting the noun to have: Your ground covers my many mistakes...this is a little simplified. Just a trivial suggestion. Overall, the poem is great in its lovely imageries and inspiring thoughts. Thank you for sharing, Mark. I should be more in love today! Jordan	2003-11-19 11:15:41
Day At The Beach	marilyn terwilleger	Wow, you surely have the most relaxing moments in that beach, Marilyn! The descriptions you have served us here bring me a special dish to mooch (mooching a meal as you described!) Enjoyed it so much! I can see myself relaxing the same way as you experienced. Is that the Daytona Beach? Heard of that, it is fantastic! The poem is highlighted a lot of ingredients like allits and sibilance that seems to whisper me a breeze. The visuals are very strong the mention of the things you see like the waves, the cranes, all the interesting actions they associate, etc. The form is a good preference. It is good that way because it can denote freedom and of course when you have freedom you can always footloose from those bondage and make a usual relaxation. The only thing here that doesn't seem to be right is the typo "horizan" which is of course "horizon". And also I think "war ripped" can be appropriately written as "war-ripped". I can consider it because it maybe cause by being carefree and too much delight and elation that you did not notice it! Really splendid especially in the start ("Ribbons of exuberant waves splash"...) and it ends with a reflection in the realism of humanity which is a significant to ponder. Thank you so much for the delight you offered us here, just like you served your readers with a plate of delicious meal. Jordan	2003-11-18 17:02:05
The Last Conflict	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, Glad you posted this poem while working exhaustively on a new poem! I am excited to see it finalized. The Last Conflict is a powerful piece to personify death. It gives realistic views and scenarios reinforced by some amazing descriptors. The form is neat and the application of rhyme is effective to lessen the gravity of the emotions death can convey to the readers. It effectively starts with the impulsive personification: "Death rode the hillsides on his mighty steed With absent pathos his eternal creed," I can feel the playfulness of the mind of the author. And his mind soared far. The imagery is interesting. I can imagine riding on a horse running very very fast. It is evident in your visual here: "He galloped through the countryside forlorn, With mission's sense his armor to adorn," When you speak of death, what comes up to mind is tragic but this one is very lilting. SMILE. The gravity of the emotion is becoming higher in the fourth stanza. The association of the death of the infants is a realistic scene. It seems to portray abortion. I like the ending of the poem. It is satisfying and it did not make me hanging. I apologize but I could not see any flaw on the poem. It stands very artistic. Thank you so much for sharing, Robert. Glad to read this. Can't wait to see your exhausting poem. Jordan.	2003-11-17 15:11:14
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Critique Date

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