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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Critique Date
Dirt Devil	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I’m again stranded by your natural talent in “nature” poetry. And to associate tiny twisters as “Dirt Devil” is so so clever! Only you Marilyn can do this! Did I said it before, yes, I think a thousand times already…that you are so so good with these! Playful words for your playful observation, love and respect to nature. This is rich with wildlife. Is this a continuation of your haiku “Tornado”? For me, you are like Mother Earth of poetry! From beginning to the end of the poem, the choice of words and imageries are truly compelling. Each phrase, each line is consistent, associated to each other and perfect for the complete storytelling. Sizzling sun bears down on the etched earth disturbed only by a sporadic zealous breeze. A bald eagle soars aloft, eyes in an aquiline head, vigilant for prey. --- How you described the sun is just perfect. I can feel the burning heat / wave of the desert sun. To add the “bald eagle” just completes the scenario. You just know how to spice your stanza presentation. I find it not “out-of-place”, so befitting! “A taupe and ivory Antelope with pronged crown moseys across the tundra. The only sound in this simple scene is the soft scruff of tumbleweed as it sweeps a path across the pallid plain.” --- Great words and subjects, “tundra” and “tumbleweed”. To add the “Antelope” is to complete the “wildlife” puzzle. Are you a frequent traveler? From the Safari? Great add-ons! “A surprise gust of Zephyr spawns an eddy of wizened soil. A staunch and jaunty dirt devil emerges. He skips happily, whirls with abandon, spinning like a tiny twisting typhoon.” --- I like how you get your title “Dirt Devil”. 1st and 2nd stanzas conditioned the readers with its surroundings first. The way you introduced your subject in the 3rd stanza is perfect. I find it carefully planned. Great effort! I appreciate it! “Determined to excite a dirt blizzard with his tapered tail he gyrates and birls but begins to fizzle. His taut torso opens wide as he strives to stay alive, subdued his zeal returns to dust. His antics only a hazy memory in the wizard sun.” --- This is my favorite stanza because it embodies your subject “Dirt Devil”. From its tail to torso, this is so clever! My mind is visualizing it instantly. “His antics only a hazy memory in the wizard sun” - you just end this marvelously! I admit, I’m quite worried on how you would end this wonderful start, but it just get better. You save the best for last! So playful, yet it sticks within my mind…inescapable! “as he strives to stay alive” is one beautiful characterization too. As if it has a mind of its own. Brilliant! Though I find the last stanza a bit long (something not aligned or not positioned well), I find this overall skillfully done! For me, this will go with my Winner’s List, no doubt! Congratulations in advance Marilyn…you have done it again! Thanks for posting this for (my) our enjoyment! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-25 03:51:24
Winter Trees	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, “Bare branches dancing Embrace as lovers wooing In orchestra wind” - I love the “lovers wooing” and “orchestra wind”. Poetically (though also visually) done! I can hear the cracking sound of those sticks. We don’t have winter here, and never has experienced such season / weather. I didn’t know that a strong wind can still move a “bare branches”. But with an “orchestra” descriptive wind, such strong and forceful wind, and that the tree’s bareness is only (some) its branches not the whole tree, I can get the picture you portrayed here. I can sense that you personally witnessed this…with your keen observation in nature. Thanks for putting this in words…especially in haiku! You have refreshed my day with a different flavor of “winter”. Keep them pouring! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-23 19:24:03
Toilet Soliloquies (Fart One)	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, This is a funny yet clever read! I like how you summarized the dilemma of going to pee or not to pee when watching a favorite (especially Superbowl) TV program. I think we all experience that! Your first line is a great introduction: “To pee, or not to pee: that is the question;” is a great to start this subject. Your adding of “Lay-Z-Boy” describes the other side of comfort from watching. To add your wife’s reaction and comedy scenario: “That makes calamity of missing a play or bosom” is very humorous. Fighting over remote controls, over attentions is a common scenario in a family room. Here, I can easily picture it out. Thanks for this enjoyable read! Note: I like the subtitle “Fart One” - interesting, though I waited for it to come but never came. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-23 19:20:16
These delicious aromas like foreign countries	hj elliot	Hi HJ, First and foremost, welcome to the TPL site! I hope you are enjoying your interaction here with fellow poets. Yes, just like you…I have learned a lot from these guys. “These Delicious Aromas Like Foreign Countries” --- From the title itself, I find it already a winner. You poetic skill is obvious in this line. Your work flows easily, entertaining my time in reading. You have captured that special moment with so much words of passion. One can easily picture out the images you portrayed here. Your choice of words are effective. “these delicious aromas like foreign countries no concept of the currency accepted” --- So original! Clever! Your irresistible adoration to your lover is evident here. You put the casual and daily bedroom interaction with such depth and meaning. I appreciate the use of “window”, “cobblestone”, “orange rinds”, “air raids” and others as metaphors. It brings color and life to your fiery subject. “ripe with memories” “shut the shutters” --- These are just phrases that I enjoyed a lot! “from thunder like an airraid over the city that brought in the rain and the war between us” --- What a delightful ending! These are unforgettable words! So real…so true…so normal yet entertaining! You just know how to amuse your readers. Bravo! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! As I said earlier, for me this is a winner! Now, I know why readers comment on your masterpiece here. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-23 19:18:52
Falling	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, I can't help but not commenting this one again. This is a superb, superb piece! I've seen that you arranged and add some other items to perfect this entry. Again, I "fell" in-love with your first line "The sun is innocent". This alone is already a beauty! You have enumerated the normal (scientific) meaning of "Falling" in subjects like raindrops, bird's dung, debris from construction workers, wilted leaves, tears from a bereaved wife and pollen grains. This enumeration alone signified and emphasized your smart and clever writings. But the most striking and intelligent of all is the last part: "The Physics of free-falling bodies applies to every worldly thing but in the absence of science my heart still falls hard for you." --- The metaphor meaning of "Falling" here is the most unforgettable phrase of all! This has been a common subject about love but you brought great impact and difference! Very original! Again, you never dissappoint! This is a wonderful and inspirational offering for the love month! Keep them coming Jordan! For me, this is a winner! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-10 18:12:47
Love As A Postcard	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, As always, your lines and words are dramatic and romantic. “Love as a Postcard”, telling a thousand thoughts, from the “serene” images, to those romantic “messages”, you captured its true essence. With the high tech features that surrounds us like mobile phone, text messages, emails, and the likes, hmmm…I seldom received these personal postcard. How I missed this “special touch of hearts”. I like the ironic statement of your ending stanza: “I thought I knew love better And deserved at least a letter. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, Love as a postcard Is all she sent...” --- I thought too. Wow, “love came…love went”. Such great deliverance. Astounding! You are good in this kind of lines. I will never see a postcard again, without remembering your words here. It stuck within my mind. Thanks for another entertaining read! You never disappoint! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-07 04:16:45
A Life Sentence	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Your words move me a thousand miles! Bringing me to a place called “emotions” unknown to my busy days but very familiar with my childhood days. Oh, how you remind me those days…on how I can relate with your story here. “from Mother's dismissive gestures: her lack of care semaphored in an arms-length stance, a constant sardonic commentary, by her oft- repeated put-downs, by a chronicity of frowns. Never a light touch, the slightest caress, no soft words of compassion.” --- This is very clear to me, almost the same. My mom like your mom is very hard to please – whatever I do, whatever achievements, I cannot meet the standards she set. They often says, this is the way they discipline their children. But for a child this is “A Life Sentence”. I can tell my own stories in great details but my conscience tells me not to. Your stories and reactions in “hidden words” already pictured it. You and I could only understand and interpret it. I am amazed on the strength and courage you have on sharing this sensitive issues. Thank you, now, I felt I have an allied. “Now it's my fate to serve another sentence here, assisting her with details of earthly departure.” --- Another chapter repeating itself but in different situation. I find it peaceful to her and to yours Mell. “These days when I walk outside for a glimpse of beauty in her garden, I sense Mother's stare and her willing my return to her lair. I feel her reach as an undertow, a desperate go at pulling me to her side and along for the ride as she leaves for a final unknown destination.” --- And a reconciliation of both hearts – even for the last time. The more I dissect this poem, the more I see beauty in here. There are a lot of other beauties I find too, like: “My mother's face at the window like a full moon.” And even the first line intro is already an attention grabber: “Dawn, the launching of another day, the lush grass a coverlet of umber dew; light awakening whispery shadows, glowing in susurrant, penumbral places.” --- You know how much I enjoy this because of its haiku-like / nature-inspired imageries. Unforgettable site! Jaw-dropping! Thank you Mell for another outstanding piece! Please don’t you ever get tired on submitting award-winning entries! Abundant in excellence! This deserves number 1! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-07 04:12:41
haikuhaiku	Regis L Chapman	Hi Regis, "haikuhaiku" --- Your playfulness reflects within you title here! I'm glad you are enjoying the beauty of this formatted poetry. I'm glad you were challenged by its constrains. I didn't know how much people are influenced and affected by my haikus, that even your feet plays a part in counting. :) This is a funny funny read. "fingers and toes minus three" - I assume you counted and added a sum of 10 then minus three to total of 7. I enjoyed the rhyming of the second and third line "three" and "me". Yeah, this form is quite hard but enjoyable. I'm glad you are enjoying this with your wife! :) Thanks for sharing this! Keep them coming! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 21:26:23
untitled	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, The beauty of simplicity radiates in every word and line you described here. Such a sweet sweet wonder. Yes, haiku is intended to be no title, simple and straightforward. Because of its limited area, readers should not be exhausted by too much imagery and directions. Here, the traditional approach and structure of haiku is well executed. The wonderful images presented for each line is a wonderful bonus. I just observed that the second line exceeds one syllable. I hope I’m wrong about it. :) “Fog hugs the orchard” --- This is unique and original. “Green oranges” - oh, we have a lot of that here in the Philippines. I find the contrasting color of “green oranges” playful. “Bubble-wrapped in mist” - bringing back the “fog” with “mist” points the images more intact and related. Great approach! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment, and personally for “my enjoyment”. You know, how much I enjoy reading and dissecting this. Thanks for the opportunity! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:06:52
ACROSTIC	Regis L Chapman	Hi Regis, Wow, this is a wonderful attempt. Now, I see you are also lured with this kind of format. Thanks to Turner who introduced this style to TPL, his contagious inspiration influence a lot of our friends here, including you and me. Quite unique and different, you address the acrostic for the word itself ACROSTIC. I find it clever and original. Starting the piece with “Alliterate poem with noun vowel and verb” is appropriate. It immediately addressed the sound beauty of alliteration within the constraints of nouns and verbs. The use of the word “Calamity” is so lyrical. Using the phrase “releasing powers” supports the word “calamity”. You have explained properly the intentions of Acrostic. From its artistic form of communication with either subjects that “disturbs”, “insults”, a comedy, a rhyming, informative, or self realizations, you deliver the message with truth and familiarity. Only a true poet can dissect and do this. Thanks for the reflections Regis. We are here in TPL, yes, to share our ideas, opinions and beliefs through a free-verse and even in this formatted style. Thanks for the reminders. I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:05:47
WMD (acrostic)	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, Wow, this is full of content and profundity. Such delicate issues in an intelligent presentation. I find this a clever piece! Putting all lines with a question mark is one another clever move. It allows the line to end at its line. Author can place every topic and points at any order, no need to arrange. Each line can carry its purpose and argument. Plus, it could be answerable by either “yes” or “no”. It can be “true” or “false”. It could be offending and not. Quite safe… :) Ending it with exclamatory points (yes, its more than one, and letters are all in capital letters) is yes, an obvious declaration of your stand: “I love the US, but not Mr. Bush obviously”. “Wishful thinking?” --- Starting this with your WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) is a clever prelude to your series of questions. Actually, this represents what the world thinks. Up to this day, the discovery and news about WMD remains a mystery. “Osama is collaborating? No other options? Send the world a message?” --- These are such strong lines and opinions. You have captured everything in this acrostic. From the roles of Osama, UN, Powell, Cheeney, Saddam, coalition countries, to Bush, you addressed it all properly. Great attempt and well crafted. From issues, “Saddam an immediate treat”, “ethics”, “right thing to do”, “rebuilding will cure all” - what an excuse, “world will be safer” to “war crimes” - your work is such a relevant contemplation of our times. Well-done! Thank you for another threat! You have expressed yourself and your true emotions in a very artistic way. Excellent! I enjoy the read! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:05:06
Tornado	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Wow, first attempt? This is something! Every word you used here matters and exactly describing in details the awesome power and destructive character of a tornado. Starting it with the line “Typhoon wind whirls” is instantly effective and straightforward. I like how you concatenate the “over” to “O’er” in the second line. I find poetic and lyrical beauty to it. “Rushing and swooping”…gee, I can almost hear it. To follow “Noise deafening” at the next line is a clever move. It supports the third line perfectly. Putting “Absolute destruction” and “Devastating ruin” at the end part is appropriate. It shows the aftermath and end-result of tornado. “Of all it slaps” - just a perfect ending. Don’t change any word. Over-all the words are effective and appealing. Excellent! Congratulations to your new talent Marilyn! Keep them pouring here in TPL! You have an audience here! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:03:58
Falling in Love with Food (revised)	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, “Falling in Love with Food” --- Well, who is not? I think everybody is. Good thing my metabolism is fast and my height is tall that my eating habits didn’t show in my physical body and appearance. For me, food is God’s blessings. You see, for a cheap amount of money…man can pamper the desire of its tongue and taste. When I used to travel because of work, I pamper myself to the different delicacies of other countries. For me, this is the cheapest way to pamper and enjoy life in the fullest. Ah, to taste and have those delicious foods… You poem is very appealing, it captures immediately the notation of your title “falling in love in foods”. Quite different and unique topic yet very much common and with our daily encounters. “Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with food” --- I think, everything in moderation is not a sin. Falling in love with food is not a sin, OVER-falling in love with food is gluttony and selfish already, as if there is no more tomorrow. I think there is a difference there. I hope we can able to balance everything accordingly. :) “Like the syrup flows, over ice cream darling so it goes I need new dungarees” --- This is deliciously tempting! Excellent picturesque! Thanks for this delightful entry! Hmmm…now, it makes me hungry…would like me to check my refrigerator. It only shows how effective the words you used here. Thanks for posting it! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:02:48
The Reader	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, It’s nice to see a new poem from you Debbie! This is a wonderful picturesque of words. From the intro stanza: “Sitting under the moss-covered tree the shade shields her eyes from any glare as she peruses intently each line” --- This is such a heart-warming images. “Moss-covered tree” and “shade” - you have captured the serenity and soft ambiance of that moment. “absorbing the emotions felt at the turn of each page flickers of perception etched on her face pausing” --- I like the “pausing” part here. It emphasized the depth of such contemplating experience. “she looks out into nothingness is it a poem by Keats or cummings or just another love story gone wrong” --- The ironic ending of this piece just made this entry more interesting. What an unexpected surprise. You have set the climax “love story gone wrong”, with great impact and curiosity to readers. Well done! “This poem was inspired by a painting by Monet (the Reader) that adorns the room I write in.” --- What a wonderful source of inspiration. You have given justice to that magnificent painting and tell an appealing observation and interpretation. Now, I know why you hang this piece in your haven of poetries. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep them coming Debbie! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:01:57
Sam	Regis L Chapman	Hi Reeg, What a delightful read this is. Yes, they said “cats” are a true replica of women. Their stand and elegance is just like a lady. The “purring” and frequent courting at our feet shows their sweet and affectionate nature. “This is a poem for my cat, Sam. This cat is something else. He's so affectionate, it borders on the bizarre.” --- When you said that Sam is a “he” but uses “she” in the entire poem, I suspect that the “she” thing is only to add more on the feminine side of cats. And I find it very effective especially when you said: “Sam makes my wife jealous with her strangely intimate ways Sammy purrs when between us” --- Overall, this is very clever! I also like how you explain his/her name as plain in your line: “as a sailor or tailor, or drunk on the street it's Sam, Sammers, and Sammy to some” --- I was entertained by the rhyming “sailor” and “tailor”. --- Quite true here, our Dachshund dog “Mojo” is sometimes called “Mojomojo” and “Mojako”. I like “Sammy” the best. Funny… This is a simple but a very heart-warming poem. You have captured the essence and beauty of simple life in the fullest. Thanks for taking us to tour in the world of your beloved pet Sam and some comedies of your days with him together with your wife. Yes, this is such a cute piece! More of this please! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 01:00:44
Trance	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, “I submitted "Trance" for this month and it is relating about horse stuff, you might be interested to read it.” --- I have been reading this “dream-like” entry of yours again and again…and I am so fascinated by your abundant imageries. When you said it is “about horse stuff”…the more I appreciate it. The images and descriptions around it are clearer and more beautiful now. As always, you place your readers in the next level of expectations and satisfactions. Your plethora of treasured words is very entertaining as ever. Your poetic and lyrical prowess again, shines within the lines. As always you never disappoints. From the wonderful and creative “My castle in the air” to the eloquent “saddling you at my back as I loped throughout my trance”, you have completed this dazzling journey with such freedom, grace, passion and intensity. From the animals owl, wolf, lion, doves to nature subjects like lilies, zephyr, skylark, lilacs…these are perfect panorama for your reverie voyage. I enjoyed the choice of animal / nature subjects you have here which reminds me too of my old haiku entries for owl and lilies and upcoming haikus for zephyr, lilac and lion. Again, you have poured your heart and inspirations to this masterful piece! Please don’t ever get tired in submitting winning entries for you have an audience here. Just keep them coming! Excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-01 00:59:33
martins	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Oh Thomas, you are like a genie in a bottle. My wish has been granted. Thanks for reposting this amazing piece. Now, I know why you hide this beauty. I'm just glad it is back. I hope you don't mind if I repost also my comments about this that I already said in my comment to your earlier poem "For Mikey and Naneen": "I am deeply moved by this unique entry. I cannot deny that the poem “For Martin” truly touched my life forever. You have brought such sensitive topic into something that we can learn and reflect into our lives. Yes, these cadavers are once individuals who had a life, who walked this earth, who were just like us. It truly makes me wonder on what stories these strangers have during their lifetime. Who are these heroes / martyrs in the medical field? It was just a question in my mind before…but in “For Martin” you somehow clear my questions…and told quite an amazing story that satisfied my curiosity. “i thought they were the most beautiful tulips i’d ever seen. i just called them martins.” --- These are unforgettable lines. It will always haunt me forever. Bright red tulip bulbs – Martin’s heart. Just excellent! Hmmmm….haiku is now playing in my mind… :) Again, thanks for this profound entry. Another winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-29 20:55:03
Michelle	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, There is wonder in your simple words here Claire. Such sweetness radiates in every lines, sweetness between mother and daughter… Your poem shows how a mother’s love never ceases from the day her child was born to the day “this day”. So matchless, so pure. Calling your daughter “baby girl” even in her motherhood is such a lovely hum. “Michelle” – what a delightful name! Thank you for the inspirations Claire. I remember my Mom on how she would take care of us (even though we are all three boys) like a fragile egg, like a great eagle…super protective and caring for her children. Your tender heart and spirit for your daughter is truly an amazing gaze to behold. Thanks for that inspiring vision. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-26 22:25:15
For Mikey and Naneen	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Wow, another jaw-dropping masterpiece! This one moves me like a rocking chair. Swaying my heart, emotions and senses in constant slow rhythm…until the message reached its peak, its softest part. The clear image of “white as a ghost, infected and bleeding” is so hard to bear. But an optimistic and positive reaction from a fragile innocent child “Don’t worry Naneen. Be Hoppy” touches my spirit most. It made me ashamed on the petty and little things I whine about with life. This strong, grateful and contented child taught me a lot of lessons…in life. Mostly, to be thankful on the simple blessings I now possess. Thank you Thomas for sharing this to us. But this is far less beautiful than your poem “For Martin”. I am deeply touched by this unique entry. I’m wondering why you hide this profound piece. As you know, everyday I copied TPL poems from our office and made a copy in MS Word and bring it at home for me to continue on reading and commenting. I was surprised that one day it was gone at the TPL site. I cannot deny that the poem “For Martin” truly touched my life forever. You have brought such sensitive topic into something that we can learn and reflect into our lives. Yes, these cadavers are once individuals who had a life, who walked this earth, who were just like us. It truly makes me wonder on what stories these strangers have during their lifetime. Who are these heroes / martyrs in the medical field? It was just a question in my mind before…but in “For Martin” you somehow clear my questions…and told quite an amazing story that satisfied my curiosity. “i thought they were the most beautiful tulips i’d ever seen. i just called them Martin's.” --- These are unforgettable lines. It will always haunt me forever. Bright red tulip bulbs – Martin’s heart. Just excellent! Hmmmm….haiku is now playing in my mind… :) “Don’t worry Naneen. Be Hoppy.” It rhymes with poppy. "Mama says, Be hoppy - " --- Oh…I find this very cute! :) Thank you Thomas for your two poems. I am now more encouraged to try free style / free verse. Thanks for the inspiration. As always, Erzahl :) P.S. Your two poems allow me to know you better. I didn’t know you are in the medical profession. What a diverse and talented person you are. :)	2004-01-26 22:10:54
Her Looking Glass	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Again, your poetry therapy speaks loud in substance and emotions. One can feel the emotional high once again by the “Weeping Widow”. I can’t blame you Marilyn, with all those beautiful and unforgettable memories, truly your heart and mind wanders to that reminiscing state. “Her Looking Glass” – what a wonderful blanket and subject to your endless grief. Piercing from present to past. Your use of words and imageries are inescapable like “lack luster soul” and “dark eyes dull and doleful”. I appreciate how you structured your poem. For it comprehensively guiding the readers. From first stanza introduction where in details you have described your abandonment, on how it affects you physically. I like the use of the word “gleamed mirrored”. You continued it on the second stanza, now focusing more on the aftermath struggle and suffering of loneliness. The phrase “years of unshed tears thrashed her spirit” is unbearable to read. With the more exaggerated and metaphoric third stanza especially on “stealing it’s zest” and “when the wind blows and the sun shines she recalls sharp edges of the night”. Summing it with adjectives “forsaken” and “pitiless” is just too much. I like the wonderful and faithful support you showed in the line “She was there when his light dimmed” – this is dearly moving. “death came into the room” is a bit mysterious and scary, yet for me its reality. “without a cry or gasp he met his doom” (I like the rhyming of it to “room”) – for me it was amazing. I imagined how strong he was or maybe he just needed to be strong for your sake. “with a shuddered sigh” – I visualize it everything, especially with all these details, I visualize how you witness this. I can sense how truly painful. To end this profound and moving piece with “her looking glass frozen forever” is perfect! Nothing I can advise or add for more. You have captured this reader’s heart with compassion and tenderness. Truly unforgettable! Don’t stop sharing your sentiments Marilyn, you’ll need it for your therapy and for remembering your loved one. I am just here to appreciate the beauty of your endless love to him, and learn from the woman you are, that is very strong and inspirational in so many ways. Thanks for the read. Thanks for the reflections. It’s worth the time spent. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-22 21:11:41
Orbituary	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, Again, the truthfulness of your words are charged again here! A battery of constraint feelings "free falling", ready to be released and to set free. I like and enjoyed the playful metaphors and oxymoronic appeal of "outraced by the snail", "i'm rock in the river", "trapped inside the shadow over me" and "i must find the strength to lose". But most of all is the statement "I'm sleeping, dreaming, and snoring wake up". - It's so constrasting yet inter-related. Again, you never amaze me with your use of uncommon combination of words. Plus, your strength is your honesty. Thanks for another treat Sergio! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-15 13:32:27
Perplexing	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, The piece here speaks about the author's mind...about what he/she thinks, about what is in his/her brain. Very much vivid with his/her visions. What's playing and what is hidden inside his/her conscienceness...if any. Yes, oftentimes we resort to things like the famous TV as our haven of our problems. A temporary entertainment in this dullness of life...life that usually offers problems and fears. As they said, it is you that makes your own happiness. And that box is a lot to offer: information, news, lessons, entertainment, insights. There are a lot of self-realization and conflicting behaviour surrounding here. From "self-punishment of sins", "I will always be a coward", "concealing the schism", "be love" and to "be like everyone else". Even "take revenge" is a strong and powerful phrase. I admire your honesty and truthfulness here. Thank you very much for a very pondering message. At least there is some playful phrase like "I am but a worm in an apple" that I find clever and enjoyed much. The statement makes me humble. Thanks for this in TPL, I sure enjoy reading and reflecting it with my life. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-15 13:11:27
Blue	Jane A Day	Hi Jane, It's nice to see a new poem from you Jane. The contagious "blue" blew my breath away. I like how you define these cobalt eyes as "Earthly blue under eyelash smudge". I also like how you define this feeling of loneliness especially in the night in your lines "The blue streaking, bruising from the inside, to the late night roll and twitch of no sleep". I can easily feel and see these restless images. And to calm it with a hymn and lullaby "Sleep, o beautiful sleep, must be blue" is just perfect! Thank you for another psalm of mysterious invocation. Again, haunting my admiration to your talent! Keep them pouring! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-15 11:58:55
MAN-HATER	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Hi April, Wow, this is a sublime and moving handiwork! From the title “MAN-HATER”, to each sequenced contents (intro, the subjects, the events, the experiences and the end-result)…you have skillfully and completely tell a story worth contemplating to. This things happen…and it is a sad sad reality yet sometimes true to a few. I like the sarcastic line “dress no different from the kitchen rags” and “blood flowed from her innocence”. The word images were appropriate…readers can easily visualize the miserable scenario. Nice choice of words! With your specific and concrete subjects like “toy guns and despised talking dolls” and “knees did not tremble for Adonis but instead she adored Venus and worshipped Galatea” it reveals a surprising behavior and yet, we don’t know whom to blame for this? “And she played with no one else but her shadow who did all that she pleased.” --- For me, this is my favorite part! Unforgettable visualizations! --- There are a lot of beautiful and worth pondering statements you have scattered in your work here but for me this is the best. Nice metaphors, readers can automatically feel the loneliness behind the lines. Kudos on your wonderful and profound work April! For me, this is a winner! Keep on showering us with this kind of poetry. I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-04 17:55:48
Visions of Yesterday	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, Wow, this is a wonderful yearend poem Claire! Full of memories, “bright” memories! “As I close my eyes to rest” – what a perfect intro to start this reminiscing ride of yesteryears. I like the idea of the eyes were close for it perfectly fits the full concentration to wonderful recollections. The simplicity of the entire layout of the poem adds beauty to your work. The real scenarios and moments are heartwarming (readers can easily feel and relate on those unforgettable experiences), from fishing, to the rocking on the porch, to the “watching of diamonds dance across the lake” – wow, for me this is my favorite part! For me, moonlight or “diamonds (Wow! Great metaphor!) dance across the lake” is an intoxicating phrase…also it is such an amazing picturesque! Thank you Claire for this inescapable sight! I truly enjoy these images! It’s so haiku-like…enjoyed the nature scenery! Excellent! For me this is a winner Claire! Your dedication poem that came from the inspiration of your parents is one of the beautiful offerings of TPL December 2003 poetries. Thank you for this splendid piece Claire! You were able to save the best for last! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-01-04 17:54:11
Establishing Vocabulary	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Undeniably, this is one fine piece skillfully penned! I don’t know who…but the one you are referring to is someone who is rich with words and knowledge! The inspiration it brings to you is incomparable! From every word he speaks is “a chant of glory” – I like the poetic metaphor! “And at the end of each day, the sun sinks to think and to fathom.” --- I enjoy the rhyming of “sinks to think”! This is such a profound and worth contemplating phrase! I also find it so haiku-like. Nature-inspired with a character! I have imagined the sun in complete wholesome picture. I like the adjective “perplexed” for the poet, so appropriate and fitting in this current state. “his soul would be appease” is an encouraging assurance of belief. It allows you to keep on believing to yourself. I also like the impact of the statement “reach the halcyon”. Though a bit impossible, it strikes with so much hope. I like the so ever-optimistic ending, “…yet incomplete, could greet the Lord of tongues”. Wow, poetically done! I am amazed by such vocabulary! This is a wandering desire yet achievable. “Lord of tongues” – so original and fresh! I am amazed by your inventive guts and desire! Who is this inspiration? Do I dare to ask? Thanks for another display of your talent and heart Mell! You successfully and effectively executed it! More of this please! Another winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-29 20:18:08
An Old Man's Song On Christmas Eve	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Gee, this is very flattering…thanks! I didn’t expect the challenge would turn out like this! It only shows how great you are Rick…with a span of just few hours, you were able to come up such impressive work! As always, there is mystery in your words…lingering within the words of “songs”, “praises” and “silent prayers”…reaching our inner thoughts and soul as well. I can feel your personal connection on the subject and to the words and metaphors playing around. “I have naught but my memories This night to sing to me, Yet the song is sung by everyone Who once reached out to me.” --- I like the use of the word “naught”, it just add it poetically. There are a lot of interpretations about the “song” you emphasize here but I perceived it as “friendship” - ever reaching! “And so I sing in praise of reach And offer silent prayer, That my own reach may too extend Beyond my own affairs.” --- A “friendship” that sees beyond boundaries of different beliefs, race, location or presence, etc. Much as the warmth of a distant fire Warms sea and earth and sand, The warmth of your touch does not require The presence of your hand. --- A “friendship” with a genuine embrace that radiates warmness and brings a smile to a friend. I am impressed by the lyrical “The warmth of your touch does not require; The presence of your hand”. What an unforgettable ending, truly the “warmth of friendship” penetrates from your pen to this reader…it just complete this masterpiece. Kudos on your fine work Rick! Again, you never fail to surprise us with your talent. Thanks for the dedication and “friendship”! I sure will cherish this! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-28 20:25:47
Life at ThePoeticLink	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This is a wonderful wonderful dedication to TPL, the home of passionate poets like you and me! As always, you write with great fervor. The richness of English grammar is again, in superlative state. I have learned a lot from you Jordan. Thanks for coming back again in TPL, I hope this is for good. Keep on entertaining us with your powerful and inspiring entries. As always, the metaphors are awesome! I like the use of “virgin pen” and “meadow of verses and poems”. You start the poem with such lyrical prelude. The use of “yolk” before the “burdened with English constraint” is clever. Yes, here in TPL we were able to practice our second language with much enthusiasm and immense learning from other experts. And I like what it is contributing to my life now. Yes, TPL is truly “one of a kind” site. Where we are surrounded with such talents (yes, you have mentioned a few). $150.00 is one tempting invitation. I find the use of “bait” then “chore to fish” a smart move. It’s just sad that less and less people are into TPL right now, I hope it was not the deteriorating prize the reason about. I find your missing year / months in TPL still a mystery. Why you were not able to connect to the site during those blinding times? And what was the incident behind, why you suddenly caught that “magic” again on August 2003? I’m glad such “friends” keep you stay in TPL again. I can feel that I am one of those “new friends” you have. Welcome back home, my friend! You are like a prodigal son (LOL!). :) I’m glad to know you Jordan! Keep on pouring those delightful entries! You have a reader here! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-25 21:46:38
Ice Daggers	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, “Ice Daggers” - I like the title! Somehow mysterious, eye and ear-catching! Plus, it shoots the contents of the haiku well. I’m glad you enjoyed and trusted my amateur advice. You are very welcome! Likewise, I have also learned a lot from you guys! I like how you changed the word “thirsty” to “eager”. The general interpretation of the word “eager” stops confusions and questions on the supposed-to-be “thirsty” entry - great decision! Nice choice of word! I believe I have detailed my great impression about the theme, message and the entire presentation of the poem in a separate critique / reply. Again, I enjoyed the bunch of alliteration and double letters, playing around the poem especially the contagious letter “L”. And some rhyming partners like “drops” and “sod”, “willingly” and “filling”, and now the “eager” and “daggers”. The imageries stay amusing and pleasurable. Now, it is vividly perfect to the season. As I reread it again and again, the images are much clearer to me now…and I appreciate it more. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep it up Marilyn! You have a reader here! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-25 21:04:00
Border Clash	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Your vivid memory of your trip “under the careful eye of the Hawk” is one unique presentation. I don’t know why “HawK” is capitalized - meaning might be relevant to you Tom. I enjoy the descriptive words you mentioned here regarding your journey. Starting with the word “Northward”, it seems the voyage was destined. I like the face of your vehicle “Fast and sleek in the Maroon coupe”. Saying “stark black earth, naked” is clever while “somber as wild turkeys stalk row upon row of once tall corn” is playful. Describing Iowa’s November sky with “Pregnant with her first snow” is expressively lyrical yet also playful too. I also like the welcoming “Gold scarves wave to an old wind, an old friend” - nostalgic at the same time. The last lines: “The blood of war dries slowly. Scars repair; yet remain and remind.”, has a bit twist, but I then realized, the “Border Clash” could be about war (soldier crossing) or you visiting “an old friend” in Iowa which slowly reminds you about the war you both experienced. This is a deep piece, in a sense “mysterious” - as usual a common theme of your pen. Yet I found myself enjoying the profundity of it! Again, kudos on the display of your descriptive words in nature. Overall, this is a worthy poem! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:29:53
Finding Hope	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, This is another display of your profundity about life in general. When you see something, though it be “season” or “nature” or “creatures”, the real essence and inspiring meaning of this never escapes your pen. Here in your entry “Finding Hope”, those Northern birds are the inspiration in “preparing to stay the winter”. Your description of the backdrop of November sky is visually gloomy yet entertaining especially the use of your words “jigsaw pieces”. In every short poem you made, it perfectly delivers a complete thought. Satisfying your audience with a good answer. I never thought that “finding hope” can be seen in the midst of the clouds, in the flock of birds, in seasons. Thank you Rick for another remarkable message that is truly unforgettable. Excellent! Keep on writing and I will keep on reading! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:28:38
Winter Night (revised)	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, I like the new version of Winter Night! The simplicity yet descriptive aspect of the poem fits perfectly in this wonderful “nonet” format. Your choice of words for the “Winter Night” is elegant and alluring. You combine and balance the coldness of the wind and the heat of passion into one…yes, in one “unison”. You have orchestrated it skillfully for our wonderful read! Enjoyable yet inspiring! Thanks for the share of your new talent Debbie! Keep on writing…you have a great potential in this style! Don’t give up trying out new things! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:28:05
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, There is always a mystery behind your writings, and this one is no exception. “He is afraid it will be good. Each day, chained to his chair, He types pages of his novel, A story he is telling to no one. At the end of the day he presses delete.“ --- Here, you are the second person observing a writer doing his work. Using the phrase “he presses delete” made us think that he is using a “computer” in writing. Sometimes we are all like that, afraid whenever good things come along our way. We are afraid it might be just temporary and that the fall from the top is hard to bear. “Freed from his motion control system He began by erasing himself; The top half of his lip, A chunk of his wrist, The tip of his right ear.” --- The words and images here can be interpreted as someone who is physically ill. You picture the writer as someone with special needs. “the stories, faster than I can write them, are being erased. After the words have filled up the air, How will we breath.” --- Here, you are the writer who writes an “author’s life”. Something like a reporter or biographer of an interesting but dying man. The line “How will we breath” is an ironic question that caters the unfinished life story of a dying man. Wow, I hope I was able to interpret this right! Would really like to know what is the real story behind this entry. Again, you never seize to attract my attention with your work’s profundity. Yes Sandra, you always write with short but intriguing poems, just like what your title say, “A Fragment”! Thanks for the share! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:27:27
Missing	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Again, I see you as the “Weeping Widow” and again, I can feel the long burden you are carrying through this time. Though I enjoy again your use of adjectives and words to fill this poem, I can feel the real depths of it. You just know how to balance your poem, both entertaining and inspiring. You provide us with amusement but with profundity. The use of “tad” and “ardor” are clever yet suitable! We understand your truthful feelings Marilyn, and our hearts is with you. Thanks for choosing and trusting TPL as your gateway to reveal and release your sentiments. May our critiques and remarks console and comforts your fragility in this matter. Good day with you Marilyn! I would just like to drop by and say how inspiring and honest your words here! I really appreciate it! :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:26:22
Day At The Beach	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, You just don’t know how much I love this entry. Not just because it is full of haiku-like, natured-inspired imageries or how lyrical the words are but because the depths of this poem is so incomparable. From your observatory post, you have vision the two different side of life…the beautiful, the touch of nature and the spite of hate, the war. Brava with this Marilyn! You have written another gem here! I am voting for this Marilyn and hope it would soar on the top, for this deserves an applause. I am just saddened for my “voting points” is not that of big help. From the first word “Ribbons”, your use of your adjectives and imageries are rich and paints a colorful picturesque. There are a lot of adjectives, phrases and sentences that are enjoyable! Especially your description of the crane: “In an unparalleled acrobatic feat their bodies become an arrow that spears ocean's cover” --- Wow! Did I say it before? That you are very good in nature-inspired poetry, and then when you associate it to the depths of life, the more it become more meaningful and with full value! “Day At The Beach” is one of the poems that I will never forget! The images and the situation is always sticking in my vision. Just like your leaf story “Never Soar”, I have loved it before until today! Kudos on your another masterful work Marilyn! Yes, poem usually brings its best when written as it should be written (like in a spur of the moment). You did the right decision! For me, yes, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-07 17:25:33
Haiku	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, What you have here is a gem Drenda! A gem from a treasure box of time! It has emerged into something that is unforgettable to the readers. Reading this for the first time would allow readers to review and come back reading it again. Well, it happened to me. It has a unique appeal that is unexplainable! You have captured that mystery yet very revealing. Yes, the depth of your work is undeniably intriguing! This senryu is true to the traditional 5-7-5 form, I like the connection of the words “reflection” and “mirror” and the “time” and “history”. Very clever! The phrase “mirror of time” is originally profound. I like the idea on how we should be always careful with our thoughts and actions. If the experience is worth reminiscing, that is a good reflection but if not, learn to avoid on how to prevent from repeating. I can sense the famous quote that: “We should learn from experience.” Kudos on another display of your talent Drenda! I know you have been writing haikus before and this one is a wonderful share! Simple but beautiful…and striking! No apology for this! You deserve an applause! Keep on writing Drenda! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-12-01 19:49:52
Be Silent	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, It’s nice to hear from you again Debbie! You know…I wouldn’t end the month without commenting this beautiful work you’ve done. Reading “Be Silent” made me speechless. This is awesome! The title “Be Silent” itself is already a winner. It has this solemn “commanding” feel to the readers…and I find it very effective! Plus technically, I enjoy the rhyming format you have disciplined your pen. I like the surrendering feeling of silence in the first stanza…on how the universe will guide our life during our calmness. In second stanza…on how our internal being speaks our long desires, if we are ready to listen with it? It encourages also on how to leave the shadows of the past. Your advise of saying “farewell” or goodbye is I believe, is one big step. I like your wonderful promise: “Despair and pain snatched by a breeze”. Lyrically done! I also like how your last stanza ends with hope yet with sense of reality…that life is short and we should take it worthwhile. Kudos on your inspiring piece of work Debbie! More of this please! Overall, I find this skillfully done! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. I like your font! :)	2003-12-01 08:01:19
The Other Side	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, These are the poems that I want to read…from a simple “observation” to a profound and meaningful “conclusion”. Your descriptive words for the “bridge” is magnificent! I like the lines: “it becomes as sleepless as the water that runs under.” --- So lyrical…yet I have pictured it immediately! The “sleepless” symbolizes its busyness like the river. You have covered it all with elegance…from its structure, from its build, to its purpose, to your “walk” (I like the line: “spavined spans that rattle as I pass”) and even to its bubbly fragrance. “My focus then turns inward to locate traits I may assimilate from the streams and rills that fill my dreams.” --- Great ending! Graceful exit! I like the rhyming of “rills” and “fill” and “streams” and “dreams”. You have summarized it with such depth. It now brings back to the depth of your title “The Other Side”. To associate the “crossing of the bridge” from here to there(the other end), as somehow fulfilling your dreams is just perfect! May I find my bridge and hope to cross my dreams on the other side. :) Kudos on another display of your talent Mell! More of this! For me, this is another winner! God bless! As always, Erzahl	2003-12-01 07:59:50
Cats In Cardboard Boxes	Annette L Cowling	Hi Annette, Your words are restless! They spin within their galaxy, creating a wonderful sensation to this reader! This is the most stunning poem about “going to sleep”, about “a roommate neighbor reading a book”. Such simple subject, simple actions, simple theme, yet you were able to find interesting and entertaining words out of this picturesque. Your words pour life! Again, luscious and yes “juicy” words reveal in your piece here! I like the lines: “I realize that you are the sandbar that connects This human island to the last mile of reality.” --- Wow, very profound and metaphoric! “At that moment, the rest of the world is beneath me.” --- Ah…leaving the worries of the world behind your back - the BED. “Like melting candle wax, forming an impromptu sculpture.” --- So real yet enjoyable! Nice choice of words! “I want to pick your potent words of delicious ripeness, And bathe my lips with the juice that saturates them.” --- Excitingly lyrical! “Each night that you read by the lamplight in the next room, I wonder how I ever lived before you graced my existence.” --- Your overwhelming admiration to this person is illuminating. I hold tight your lyrical words to me and your spice for life, And the cats curled up in cardboard boxes for the night. --- Ah…what a graceful exit! And the cats, ah…just perfect! It shows a sense of realism. Intelligent strategy for the title “Cats In Cardboard Boxes”! Almost unrelated or unconnected, yet you hit it straight at the end! Plainly, beautiful! Great surprise! Kudos on your fine work here Annette! I find this skillfully done! For me this is a winner! Just Excellent! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl	2003-11-29 02:45:42
The Cross	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, “The Cross” is not your usual form…I can sense that you are experimenting and broadening your craft. Visually, your entry is entertaining! Internally, this is profound and with strong conviction! Your stand and your faith exude within lines. The oxymoronic deal of “I am heavy”…”You want light er?”…”be like Him drink the cup” is striking! It leaves reader pondering with the depths of the thought. Effective! Kudos on your short but very substantial entry! Keep writing! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-11-23 02:55:58
Mother and Child	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This is a wonderful picturesque senryu…I wonder what inspired you on writing this subject “Mother and Child”? I like how the deep intimacy between the mother and child is visibly portrayed. Readers can easily feel the belongingness and closeness between the two. “To her pure bosom” --- Immediately you focus our attention to the usual activities and instinct interaction of love between mother and child. The picture here describes nothing but for me as “pure love”. “Lullabies cherubic tot” --- Nice use of “lullabies”, “cherubic” and “tot” instead of the usual “baby”, “child” or “infant”. I like how they are inter-related to each other, and when they are combined as one…I can hear the soft and gentle music of innocence. Again, your fond, fascinating and expertise in vocabulary radiates within this line in a very subtle way. “Cradling the heaven” --- Great end! I like the proper use of “cradling” as related to “bosom” and “heaven” as related to “cherubic”. The last line soften the words and feelings more. Kudos on your skillful senryu here Jordan! I’m thankful to be part of your another success! Again, you grace the site with your newfound talent! I’m glad you are enjoying it! Right to the form, style and beat, your economical words have completed an amazing thought. This is inspiring! Thank you for the “inspiration” too! Again, your soft spot about families exudes in your craft here. I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-28 22:12:50
From Night to Morning	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Again, another splendid display of your talent in nature-inspired poetry-making. From the title itself “From Night to Morning”, the simplicity of its beauty already exudes. Yes, my visualization tells me a lot of images from the title alone! Playful and extravagant! “When heaven's web spins Luna's soft galaxy hands Weave a star bright path” --- These are “haiku treasures”. As always, your words are vibrant and accommodatingly pleasing! I find the use of “web spins” and “weave” very inter-related, appropriate and clever. You are very good in this Marilyn, on giving a different charisma in your “nature-inspired poetry”. Only you can do this! So original! “The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way” --- Continuously hypnotizing! “As Aurora creeps above Mountaintops sun's zenith Warms and illumes the day” --- Simple with great impact! Nice way to end your “wonderful thought”! Truly you write with your thought and heart…heart for nature. You eyes and “beyond observation” is truly interesting and enjoyable! Kudos on your inspiring work here Marilyn! Short but you were able to complete it all with elegance! Again, you never fail your audience to enjoy your “nature-poem” which is you are very expert at. Again, thanks for grazing the site with your talent! For me, this is a wonderful “thought”. Two-thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-26 23:22:12
Colors of Aah!	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, Wow, another splendid entry for the month of October! This is too much! :) “Colors of Aah!” --- Truly you have given a thousand spectrum of sensations to the beauty of your surroundings…from your nature-inspired poetry. Again, you have treated your readers with your lyrical prowess and great choice of words. “The sun begins to drop like a pink pearl in a bottle of olive oil.” --- Your words here is a gem to visualize! You have exercised our imagination with your gentle style! So original! “I breathe a sigh of relief for the day was tiresome. The paired butterflies are orange like the jack-o'-lanterns.” --- I liked the pairing of the butterflies…it adds romance to the poetry. The contradicting of “sigh of relief” to “tiresome” is enjoyable! Great “jack-o’-lanterns” - effective imagery! “I write to the tree, to the soil, to the sky and they write back to me. Reading the news of nature, it's telling with tender majesty.” --- I like the personal approach of your poetry to nature…and the result it brings to your audience. “Tender majesty” – grand portrayal! --- Just one minor comment on the word “news”. “News” is a very strong word. It somehow implies danger and seriousness. With your elegant and stylish start, you could replace “news” to “words”, “language” or “vocabulary”. Well, just a friendly reminder to your already wonderful poem. :) “I fall like the leaves of gold and brown upon my bed communing with my heart, dreaming of your dark-brown irises.” ---Wow, what a wonderful ending! The tranquility and serenity of being with nature is peacefully felt. “Dark-brown irises” – what a wonderful inspiration! Something to look forward with your someone special! Kudos on your fine piece here Donna! Another stellar performance - a kaleidoscope of joy! Your love and passion to nature radiates within the lines. And this is very much enjoyed and reminisced! I sure love every moment of it! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-26 23:20:38
In Search Of The God Particle	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, “In Search Of The God Particle” --- Its nice to hear from you again Drenda! For me, your entry for the month of October is one of the interesting subjects that I have ever read. From the title alone, the intriguing and interesting character of it already exudes. “"Physicists are praying that their 4-mile-long machine will detect a tiny bit of matter so elusive that some consider it practically divine."...excerpt from Popular Science Magazine, Nov., 200l.” --- Physicists are usually projected as atheist and to say the least that they are “praying” and to consider “discovery” as divine is a bit sarcastic especially when the purpose is just to prove something. Yes, probably they practically needed it to back the cost spend to this 4-mile-long machine. “Physicists' minds flex and spew Complex theories of flux. From realms of the unseen Highly imaginative possibilities Step up to mathematical probabilities Into incomprehensible equations, akin To mystical, for those who think Inside the box of three-dimensional.” --- Very theoretical, very scientific, very technical. I like how it derived from mere urge, intelligence and interests to uncontrolled curiosity, to a lifetime proving, to something “mystical”. Every ingredient for this inner drive and wild passion is clearly defined. --- I like the rhyming of “flex”, “complex”, “flux” and “possibilities”, “probabilities” and “mathematical”, “mystical”, dimensional”. “Giant accelerators smash particles Into waves, as great minds hover over Hoping to uncover miniscule articles Of their faith. A few, highly esteemed, Have deemed the most fundamental to be 'Higgs boson,' the ultimate source; Designated by some to be 'divine', The reason that matter has weight.” --- I like how the nitty-gritty of this meticulous research is highly detailed. I find the inclusion of “Higgs boson” appropriate…as part of the topic “accelerators”, “particles” and “matter”. --- I like the rhyming of “accelerators”, “hover”, “over”, “uncover” and “esteemed”, “deemed” and “boson”, “some” and “reason”. “Unready, yet, to let go of the past, Skeptics hold their breath and wait. Unable to embrace new paradigms That include non-matter, they need pictures; Concrete proof of bizarre conjectures. For fellow scientists the need arises From competition for the Nobel prizes. So stretches this search into the sublime.” --- Here you left such strong words…like the very true “unable to embrace new paradigms that include non-matter”. Here, I can feel the spiritual truth encircled within this line. I find “they need picture (as concrete proof)” very much scientific. It only shows that not all in this world are scientific but also spiritual – which is hard to prove physically…but only with faith. Your inclusion of the “competition for the Nobel prizes” is a bit funny but again, very true…a sad truth. “To the brilliant few who remain on course The 'Higgs' will become defined, confined; No longer devine (divine), just the smallest thus far To take its place in proper perspective, Reflective in the continuum of space-time. For physicists, once more, will push the envelope; Bend thought into understanding; destined to grope For the core of that which has no beginning, no end.” --- Great ending! Your strong word “destined to grope” concludes that this “ultimate” quest could only turn to vain…and thus you rest your case. If they searched on the Bible for the truth, with open mind and faith, they might able to discover “God’s particle”. Kudos on your mind-boggling and profound work Drenda! Very interesting! This is really something that we can reflect on. It’s good that you are into this “readings” and was able to see beyond the information and instead, the wonderment of God’s awesome power and presence still lingers in your faith. Truly, your faith radiates within the lines. For me, that is inspirational! Thank you for posting this to TPL for us to contemplate! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-25 04:55:23
For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This” --- Another display of creative and interesting title! For me, this alone is already poetry! Your choice of words is perfect and lyrical! Very soothing to the ears! “It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe.” --- You are very good in this Rick…very good in “passionate poems” that is full of feelings. I believe this comes and flows from your heart. These are like a series of your “love” poems. Giving us something to anticipate for…and you just shared it like free pizza! --- Again, you add melody to your poems by such delicate words like “violins”, “aroma”, “myths” and “breaths”. --- I like the lines “Fill our lungs in passionate breaths, we have no choice but to breathe”. It is very much your style…with such intensity…fiery with words. I’m breathless! “Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts.” --- Just splendid! These are simple words but when you tried to put them all together, it brings a different sensation, lifting readers in a higher level! “The genius of our two hearts” - very original! “Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire.” --- Such sweet invocations! Chanting our ears and thoughts with delicacies. “That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source.” --- Hypnotizing! Intoxicating! --- “First four lips created a kiss” – so haiku-like…enjoyed much! --- Great words and phrases to end your fine piece here! The continuous begging and pleading to remain that “burning fire” of passion and love is so evident and strongly defined. You have presented your intentions and objective with elegance! Readers can easily feel that hopeful urge and wistful regret if ever. And to bring back to the main subject and title “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This”…this is very much true! Something worth to think about! This is very inspiring! Kudos on your wonderful work here Rick! Another stellar performance! No one can’t deny the plethora of talent and “true feelings” that you manifest in all your work…here you just demonstrate your consistency of such high standard. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Two thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-25 04:54:37
Forever Daddy	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, The first time I read this poem, I would like to inform you immediately how beautiful and inspiring this is…something I will never forget! I like the way you write your “free-verse” poems…it flows flawlessly with your pen. Readers can easily feel the heartbeat of your words. You make it so casual and easy yet to us, your audience…I find this very skillfully written and with great character and charisma. Well, your words and approach works well with me! “Forever Daddy” --- Great title! One can feel the child-like and innocent side of you! “One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I become a man of principle and discipline.” --- And that child-like character strongly supports your introductory line…its like a “Ten Little Indians” counting! I like your number “zillion” instead of the usual “hundred”, “thousand” and “million”. With words and phrases like “become a man”, “principle” and “discipline”…I could instantly detect the depths of your message here. “I was once equipped with a sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable, "Daddy, its bottom is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me.” --- Your craze in astronomy radiates within these lines. I like how you associate its ongoing mystery just like a “father’s love”…so eternal! “I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned I can fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's blown across the azure sky. Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me into a lofty seat of understanding.” --- Wow, such luscious profundity! You are good in this! Plus, the images are even vibrant! You are like an eagle in the broad sky soaring all those dreams…strongly influenced by the blow of your father’s wind…which is “wisdom”…the “wisdom of life”. --- I enjoy the use of “capricious” for the dreamer. I also like the use of “zephyr” and “azure” within that same line. The “z” is effectively contagious! “I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life to unknown places like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside in quintessence.” --- Wow, another exquisite “treasure” of words. You never fail to shower us with your gems. “Searching for pearls” is a wonderful thought…but realizing where to find this “treasured” pearls in the heart of a “father” is something more than big! This is one of the clever and sweetest metaphor or allegory I have ever read! Your words are always fresh and new! The use of “quintessence” is elegant! You have end this stanza with such style! “My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered in bravery. And you know, Dad?” The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string.” --- Again, you brought the nostalgic feel between a father and a son through the subject “Kite”. For me the most powerful lines in the entire poem are the lines “The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string”. --- What a legacy you have there! “Now, I grew up With virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, I delve into the world Prepared as a militant soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” --- Wow, again! To associate the paternal love to the different armors is unique and smart! The use of words like “virtue”, “armor”, “gauntlet”, “militant soldier”, “battle” and “helmet” are excitingly inter-related. But what I like most is the last line “With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” - with this, you left me hanging in awe! “Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long.” --- Wow, another unforgettable and poetic phrases! I enjoy every depth of your words here! And to end this obvious and felt love with an ending phrase “Forever long” is just perfect! You complete it all! Kudos on your masterpiece here Jordan! Another stellar performance! Thanks for posting this wonderful piece for us to reflect and enjoy! For me, this is top-notch! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. In regards with your English translation for the word “mag-ina”, I don’t know the translation of it in English. The only thing that comes to my mind is “mother and child”. :)	2003-10-25 04:53:35
Cycles (Diamante)	Dan D Lavigne	Hi Dan, Thanks for introducing this unique format to us Dan! I thought “Diamante” is part of your poem, like a “place” or “pseudo name” but after reading Joanne’s addendum, I was able to understand what you want to deliver here. :) “Diamante” is a wonderful format, I find it very playful…this is usually for poets who are wordy and creative…and so far you have achieved what the format requires. Thanks for posting this to TPL…at least there are other formats and structure that we can play around. You added new spice to the site! Comparing the “Sun” and “Moon” is a good subject/s and a clever idea. I also like your simple but striking title “Cycle”. It is like comparing the “king” and “queen” of the firmaments. The strong and powerful character of the “sun” is described in your words “bright”, “radiant”, “burning”, “blinding” and “glowing” while the exotic beauty of the “moon” is expressed in your words “luminous”, “celestial”, “waxing”, “waning” and “shining”. I find “solar” and “star” the dominant character of the sun while “lunar” and “satellite” equally the same for the moon. Perfect choice of words! In such a short poem, your words were able to complete it! Kudos on your fine work here Dan! You have brought the site with a new sensation…and look the influence it brought to us. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:40:42
Dewdrop	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, Wow, this is visually superb! Your words vividly picture that inescapable scenario! For a haiku fanatic like me, your choice of words, subject and imageries are excitingly inspiring and fantastic! Such simple words yet when all in together, brings a different sensation! You just know how to entertain your readers…nice and great flow! “Dewdrop” --- Great title! Simple but poetic! I love it! “The dew that dripped from the tree is now on a blade of grass in front of me.” --- I like the little format / structure of your poem. Few words for each line…I find it easily readable and at the same time enjoyable. These are just tiny whispers…tiny as your “dewdrop”. --- Straight to the point! I can sense the fragility of the your subject “dewdrop”. I find the mention of “in front of me” so innocently observing like a little child at the same time “real”…as if I am transported to that “special” moment. The description of the grass as “blade of grass” is poetically done…plus a little twist (strong image) from the sweet and light scenario. In short, your words are effectively flowing…perfect! “I watch it as it holds its place on the top as if in sliding down it would lose itself.” --- Wow…great phrase…I can’t deny the taste of profundity of your words here. “I watch it”…again, this is enjoyable to visualize…your words allows the reader to be involved and connected to this scenario. You effectively portrayed the child-like “anticipation”. The gripping and “holding” to dear life of the dewdrop can tell a thousand meaning. For me, the struggle for life are common to everyone, even in simple nature…it only shows how we should be inspired by this situations…that we are not alone in this eternal quest. Kudos on your inspiring work here Donna! Thanks for posting this in TPL…I sure enjoy every moment of this. This is a short poem but you were able to complete the whole account in a well-crafted poetry. Again, another splendid performance! For me, for sure this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:39:12
Talking To The Trees	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Again, I am mesmerized by another “autumn” poem (so much were submitted this month in TPL) presented in your work here. Your piece is timely where readers can easily relate to (though we don’t have “autumn” in our place…I can sure feel the presence of it. The wind here is beginning to be cold and windy signs are revealing). :) “Talking To The Trees” --- I like the poetic structure of your title here! Plus, I find the alliteration of “t” evident yet enjoyable! “Falling leaves give eulogies to autumn seasons and for love- long reasons and with crisp songs, please myriad beings.” --- I love the association of “falling leaves” as “eulogies to autumn seasons” and “for love”. This is lyrically beautiful and original! Effectively, I visualize these “falling leaves” as tears of the tree! “Crushed hushes occur when leaves tell tales: those grand raconteurs, relating music of dallying breezes and tallies of tree-bole rings.” --- This is exquisite! Your choice of words is hypnotizing! I like how you expound the character of leaves or “falling leaves”…how it emotionally transcends to the reader’s soul. I find the use of “raconteurs” appropriate to support the word “tales”. I like the use of “dallying” for breezes. Very much it! --- Wow, this (your words) almost encouraged me to post my scheduled “japanese verse 29 (Breeze)” early as I plan to post it. :) I’m planning to post it next week (I’m glad that my upcoming poem fits timely with the others). I hope you’ll find it ok too. :) “Leaves are like pages of poetry that assuage loneliness. Come, fill empty spaces by listening to their lore of teardrop traces.” --- Continuously, you thirst your readers with your obvious skill! I don’t know that there is so much more to say about a “subject” or “topic”. Leaves as “pages of poetry” is superb! Again, your lines and words here display your poetic and lyrical prowess. Unforgettable! “Belief suspended, the din of life aside, attend with an inner ear. Ah, the glory of their stories! Such riches to learn from turning Leaves.” --- Wow, what a wonderful and inspiring way to end your work! There is so much to feel and to “learn” as what you have said when we allow to pamper the depth of our inner interest to nature or to the beauty of our surroundings. I like the use of “inner ear”…this is fresh and new…plus I find the word “ear” supportive to the phrase “to learn” and word “stories”. Great flow! Kudos on your fine work here Mell! This is another splendid performance! Thanks for posting this in TPL for our enjoyment! Simple but full of life and vibrant! Yes, this is another winner! Now, I wonder what would my trees tell me…aside from their beauty and strength… :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:38:16
Kite	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, Wow, this is superb! Your choice of words just blows me away! From the title to its contents…very much enjoyable! I’ve been writing haikus but I never read such exquisite and skillful haiku (actually senryu) like this (yet I know how this just flow easily from your pen and from your heart). With your poetic prowess and display of your early works, I knew you wouldn’t be having a hard time on trying haikus/senryus because from within your poems, there are tidbits of potential haikus that I can detect. This one is just great! I like the subject “Kite”. It brings back those childhood nostalgic feeling. I also have my own submission of “Kite” in a haiku form (japanese verse 10) that focused on the relevance and intriguing use of its cord or string. It is nice to see other poet/s interpret such interesting subject in a different eye, in a different angle. Yours is something fresh and a delight to read. I like how you focus on its mere flight. “Zephyr blows barely” --- I like the use of “Zephyr” as your secondary subject. It adds elegance and beauty to your poem. I also have a “Zephyr” subject/title for my haiku collection but I’m planning to post it next year in my japanese 40 to 60 series…for the lineup of my 20 to 40 series are already done and in waiting. I like how different other poet/s see and interpret things…it shows how plenty and bountiful the beauty of nature and creation is…where you will never end up of words, descriptions and fascination to its eternal beauty. --- “Blows barely” is perfect since Zephyr is described as a gust and gentle wind. Plus, it brings drama to the poem. “Doughty dreamer dares to soar “ --- Perfect choice of words and great twist of events. “Kite” is usually associated as our “dreams” and to use the words “to soar” is just complete. “With flying colors” --- Ah…just wonderful! You complete and end the haiku “with flying colors”. I find “with flying colors” as two meanings (double meaning). One as a reward to our “soaring dreams” and two as kite’s typical multihued features. I like how you focused on the kite’s “colorful skin”…such magic moments. Again, nice flow and choice of words. Great contents, it suits and hits the subject “Kite” just right! Kudos on your outstanding piece here Jordan! This is one haiku that I really enjoy! You bring “colors” and depth to this traditionally “straight to the point”, “what you see is what you read” format. I sure enjoy this moment! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-21 00:11:05
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