charles r pitts's E-Mail Address: cdognu4fun@yahoo.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by charles r pitts	Critique Date
Give GOD The Glory	Milton Robertson	Amen brother! Preach on! Nothing I can say here that I haven't already said about your other pieces. Give it some structure brother---some form to keep it warm. Your lines are disconnected and the meaning's been affected. God put this world and everything in it in its own specific order--use your flavor and return the favor...peace!	2015-10-25 00:58:12
Ladeé’s Beat Goes	Lora Silvey	Lots going on here. Does the winter signify the end of a life? the author's or its victim perhaps? the chaotic heart could be from a life unfulfilled or the panic of doing a dastardly deed? Echoes of "The Tell-tale Heart" for me here--the loud ticking--the searching eyes--the straining ears--the anticipation of sirens--there's evil afoot here methinks. And the beat--first regular, then slowing, then stopping (still working on that one). Great piece!	2015-10-25 00:54:11
Miranda	Wanda S. Thibodeaux	Happy Halloween indeed! I love rhyming lyrical poetry and this is just lovely and so appropriate for this time of year! Stephen King came to mind when I read this. Love the sing-song rhythm of it, and I had a vision of a psychopathic homecoming queen. The "switchblade in her satin gown" is quite evilly delicious! Too bad Death killed her in the end, I would love to read more about lovely Miranda! Very nice!	2015-10-25 00:46:38
The Bard tells us,	kevin Dunn	Hola Senor Kevin. This is a witty little ditty about the foolish and wise. I like your use of "ye olde English" in this one. Just a few things: I would remove your first sentence as it is the same as your title. Your usage of the word "drool" in the 2nd line--deliberate? I like the "waffling politicians"--very astute and appropriate. At times this piece has a specific rhythm to the read, and then not so much--deliberate as well? Another nice piece from you Kevin.	2015-10-24 05:51:51
Don't Think You Know	Milton Robertson	Hi Milton. You certainly are full of the Holy Spirit. You have a nice testimonial message here, and your poem definitely sounds "street-smart". Again though, it's a bit difficult to read when it's written as one long sentence. If you break those lines up and place them into blocks, it will be much easier to read and your messages contained within will stand out more. Gotta give you props for your dedication though!	2015-10-24 05:42:57
THE DEAD.	kevin Dunn	The dead, worry not that taxes go up. The dead, care not about love or competition. The dead, hate not nor wish ill upon anyone. The dead, have given up all they ever had and will have nothing nor want. The dead, know not hunger sickness or chills. The dead, shiver not on winters nights nor perspire in summer. When living they enjoyed all this, and 'tis said, would surely exchange their rest to once again feel even pain or hunger. But then there is only one way to find out for sure. Hi Kevin. A few things about this piece: Why not take "The dead" out of those 6 sentences? Since that is the title anyway, do you really need it in those lines? And if you are concerned about structure, then maybe some rewording of line 4. You have worry not, care not, hate not, etc., then the rhythm breaks there in 4. Maybe "covet not"? or something. Love the reality of the last line by the way. Nice piece!	2015-10-24 05:35:45
Prey	Joe Gustin	It sounds like you've got your hands full there Joe. This is an interesting piece. A past lover? A present one? Maybe even a family member? There's nothing sexual here though--but very personal emotions. Someone wanting to control you-possess you-toy with you-dominate you. I sense that this poem stirs deep feelings within you, and i wonder if you really put those feelings into this piece as you wanted to. Comparing this relationship to that of a cat and mouse, or predator and prey, suggests very descriptive actions and behaviors. I want to see and feel them through your words. I would like to see you play with words more--give more descriptive verses. In the first stanza, I would change the 2nd "notice" to a different word, something more expressive. In the 2nd stanza (I love the "teeth of your emotions") but have tell me how those teeth were used to "eat me inside of you". The last stanza is my favorite as it adds an element of mystery. Sometimes in poetry less is more, and sometimes more is too much. Finding that perfect balance helps turn words into prose. Nice job!	2015-10-24 05:17:25
holocaust	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	touchy subjects indeed. a little confusion here in that it seems you are either speaking to one person (or group) or to more than two people (or groups) yet you use words like "both" and "neither" to imply two persons (or groups). and the last line of the 3rd stanza is a little confusing. some good ideas put forth in this one--but maybe this topic commands more thought and time. i get the feeling you didn't express EXACTLY what you wanted to.	2015-10-23 02:40:44
By The Grace Of GOD	Milton Robertson	Sounds like you took a few turns through the wringer. I know what that's all about myself. Congratulations on finding God and turning your life around. It's no easy task. This is a nice tribute to God and feels genuine. There are a couple of spelling errors (second line should be on my "own", and last line "through" instead of though), but nothing major. What I feel is missing from this to make it a smoother, more rhythmic read is structure. I would suggest separating lines and using different forms of punctuation to divide this poem into easier-to-read stanzas. Of course the real value in this piece lies in the salvation of your soul--something which doesn't have to rely on rhythm and meter. Congrats again!	2015-10-23 02:34:16
DEATH RIDES A PALE HORSE.	kevin Dunn	I've always been a fan of songwriting and rhyming poetry. And I still love to watch those old gunslinger westerns I've seen a dozen times. This has a little bit of all three. This piece paints a vivid scene that I could totally see on the big screen. There are a few places where the rhythm and rhyme scheme are a bit off: how about "the good folks in church were a'kneelin to pray"?--but of course i haven't heard the song that accompanies this) i would also suggest that Willy burst through "the daws" to rhyme better with outlaws, and "the town cowered in fear AND by mid-afternoon" --but again, with the musical accompaniment, it may fit perfectly. I think if you write this so that the rhyme and rhythm work just the same whether spoken or sung, you might just have a classic on your hands.	2015-10-23 02:03:24
Call The Right Number	DeniMari Z.	sounds like the power of prayer really came through for someone. i'm sure there's a story behind this one. if so--i'm glad it seems to have a happy ending. though i find that if i pray for forgiveness--i'm given the chance to forgive instead, and if i pray for strength, i'm given the opportunity to be strong. maybe that's how it's all supposed to work anyway right? a nice poem...C	2011-08-02 02:00:36
As Casual While Nature Meets	DeniMari Z.	this poem delivers exactly what the title says--a random thought on a lazy summer day. i wonder how this poem would look if you left out all the punctuation? i really like the way you left it out in the lines near the end. i think that would help give it more of a casual feel-and let the readers develop their own rhythms reading it. maybe add three dots at the end to show continuity after...just a suggestion--i loved your poem...C	2011-08-02 01:37:30
The Messiah	Mark Steven Scheffer	possibly a jab at religion or at heathens? chances are pretty good i'm wrong on both counts (as i seem to remember your poems were always a bit more complex), but i can see this one being either one. the first stanza seems to hint at the doubters--those people who are quite content to criticize religious beliefs (perhaps to avoid the self-doubt and inner conflict a believer battles in the knowledge of they live a sinful life) and ridicule them as lies so they may go on their merry way. the second stanza, you seem to present the believer in a kind of negative light "the odd one" "full of...turbulence" which could mean he is crazy or it only seems that way because he's the only one with the program. i can see this poem being the inner thoughts of Jesus (except that there was no ice cream then), or a wacko cult leader. very nice to say the least and a real thought-provoker. thanks... C	2011-07-24 07:21:14
Passion	cheyenne smyth	hey cheyenne..me again. in addition to alliteration (silken silence--love it), i'm the biggest fan of rhyming, lyrical poetry--something i don't find too much of on this site. your structure is good in this one, and you've stayed true to the rhythm throughout--but i did find the rhythm a bit choppy. you have a perfect 10-8 syllable count, but i read this many times and couldn't find the beat to it. nonetheless, it's a beautiful expression of passion but it seems that love is the true driving force to the words--thus to me, the title is a bit off-target. but your use of language in this one is very nice. i wonder how long it took you to write it? i think if you tried, you could come up with better words than "sparrow's" flight and "silent" beams--these words seem too common for the unique feel of this poem--but i love "lover's rapt" and "cleave together". an enjoyable piece...C	2011-07-21 08:53:05
TERRIFIED	Mandie J Overocker	what a dark piece this is. i guess in this day and age there are plenty of things to be terrified by. some people think it's all about perspective--you choose how the world you live in by the things you let yourself see--that there is plenty of beauty and kindness in the world if you only choose to focus on it. that if all you let yourself see is the bad and the terrible, you create that kind of world for yourself. i believe that, but i also believe that only a fool refuses to look beyond the candy-coated sugary world to the cavity-ridden world beneath. how else can you truly appreciate the sunshine having never known the dark? i see this poem as a snapshot of moment in time--a terrible moment--where the darkness has overwhelmed and enveloped the light, where hope hangs by a thread...nice work...C	2011-07-21 08:39:42
Ink	cheyenne smyth	this is a nice piece you have--though i might have chosen "In Ink" for the title myself as ink is dark--much like the nightmares you speak of here. i like your word usage--i'm a sucker for alliteration like "frenzied fever", and your descriptions of being left "haggard and raw" and "hurl me into rhyme's pit" are wonderfully illustrative. i feel that your first and last stanzas carry this poem, but i got lost a bit in the middle and feel that a bit of editing could make this a winning piece for the month. overall, though a nice read. thanks...	2011-07-21 08:28:56
"I've Never Lost You"	DeniMari Z.	i can't begin to imagine the pain, suffering, grief and horror you must have gone (and at times, still be going through). i've never had children, and at my age, probably never will. still, i have loved and lost to the extent that only the childless can, and i must say, that this piece of work was very moving. i feel like i got a glimpse, not of the overall emptiness such a tragedy brings, but of a hundred private moments--remembered, missed and mourned. through the first two stanzas i thought the poem was about a husband lost, but the last line of the 3rd "someone i made" brought home the horrible truth. it takes a lot of courage to share something so painfully personal and private, and real talent to present it in such a way that someone like me can understand and get some idea into the way something like that feels. it definitely made me think about my own feelings in such a situation. well-written and thoughtful...and i love the strength you show in the last three stanzas. very inspiring....thanks...	2011-07-20 10:10:48
100 - 70 Equals Thirty	DeniMari Z.	greetings from south korea --dmz. how appropriate this poem is for me right at this moment. will turn 40 in about 8 months--and not only can i relate to the first 30 years you talk about, but i can also understand what the lines describing 50, 60, 70, 80 and beyond are talking about. my brother, who is 364 days older than me, just had surgery to remove melanoma from his shoulder, only to find out that the 2 lymph nodes they took out were riddled with the disease as well. i can still remember how at 10--life seemed to be endless, and at 20, though i realized that time was picking up speed, that i still had plenty of time. and how, at 30, i still felt like 20. but now almost 40, especially with the news about my brother, i am wondering "what will the next few years bring?" and at 50, will i have regret over what could've/should've been? and even now i'm thinking, "how much longer?" i've been away for awhile--but i still remember the power of your prose...thanks	2009-09-18 16:38:16
The nervous question	James Edward Schanne	there's a lot going on in this piece. the nervous question--could be a marriage proposal-presented comically as the subject walks fine lines between awkwardness, indecision, and fear whose presentation could result in either utter devastation or realization of love's desire. or maybe not...that's what makes this an intriguing read. also-i'm a sucker for a nice rhyme... charlie	2008-08-24 14:40:47
The Woman in the Garden	Gene Dixon	i love this one. eve speaking on behalf of all women? or perhaps presenting an explanation of sorts. i find the first and last stanzas to hold the true power of this piece. the second stanza seems out of place almost as if it needn't be included. i'm sure however it is my own ignorance or blindness that hides its true significance. this is by far one of the most thought-provoking pieces i've read in a long time. look forward to more of your work.	2008-08-19 12:52:42
Autumn Voices in the Breeze	James C. Horak	i like this piece. there's a subtle familiarity to it that i think most anyone can identify with at some point. if i may be so bold, i'd like to offer some observations/suggestions... there is a rhythm in the first stanza that plays through your use of alliteration (sun's speckling-whimpering wind-limbering limbs)and playful rhymes (whimpering wind-tender end) that i dont find in the second stanza. dont get me wrong, there is nothing at all wrong with the 2nd stanza- i find it to be a nice fit visually, but i dont "hear" any of the autumn "voices". perhaps some "sighing" winds seeping the "droves the night" twas sweeping or something of that nature. but where the first stanza speaks in many tongues, the second falls silent. if you can continue the same thread you started in the first stanza through the second- with the same flow and mood, this will really be a remarkable, complete piece. the third stanza is brilliant--can't read it without smiling. tiger-maul a rake"?? Wile E. Coyote--genius--pure genius. always a pleasure JCH charlie	2007-10-24 23:59:53
The Black Heart	James C. Horak	the title drew me to this one. im a sucker for the dark stuff. i really like this. it reminds me of science class in school when we worked with microscopes. taking something so small and examining it under that eye. so powerful there appeared to be a whole other world in front of my face. this poem is like that to me. with so few words you have presented a powerfully magnified scene. my favorite poem ive read this month. thanks, charlie	2007-07-20 11:12:44
Russell Means-American (hero)	Mark D. Kilburn	have you ever read a book called, "in the spirit of crazy horse"? i forget the author but it chronicles u.s.-native american relations from the beginning through the mid-80's i think. you should check it out. thanks for turning on a little light for us all to see. charlie	2007-07-20 11:04:12
Onlookers	Thomas H. Smihula	some choice words to live by here. but sometimes dont you wish some people (who talk out of their azz) would just shut up? lol. but you hit the nail on the head here. live life to the fullest. very nice. charlie	2007-07-20 11:01:09
Change	Thomas H. Smihula	this is an original topic. i see haiku as the description of the snapshot of an image. you only have 17 syllables to tell everything important about the subject. i challenge you to remove the "the's" from future works and explore more challenging, descriptive words to use. i love writing haiku and experimenting with other forms as well. ever tried senyru?	2007-07-20 10:58:14
So, Love the One You're With	Ellen K Lewis	such truths ciphered into these lines poet. such ugly, horrible, stone cold truths delivered in such detached, matter-of-fact language. the 2nd and 5th stanzas are my favorite i think because they are capable of standing on their own although they blend so well with the others. i read these many times. well done. charlie	2007-03-31 11:17:52
Cloud	marilyn terwilleger	the lone insignificant drowning in a sea dull greys, but overlooking something lower. in the midst leisure and privilege---tears in heaven. i see the privileged only child suffocating in a blanket of facades, that hangs with the "wrong crowd" to feel acceptance in an otherwise loveless world. one who sees the "supposed more unfortunate", only having one another, as the truly "wealthy". the sobbing prince....or princess....gonna try one myself... charlie	2007-03-15 21:32:05
Immersion	Mary J Coffman	simply beautiful. your use of language is so lyrical, so sweet and subtle. im so jealous of what you have created here, this piece makes me feel so inadequate poetically. thank you. charlie	2007-03-10 03:10:33
Not Particular	marilyn terwilleger	the last line is my favorite in this one. its simple and direct on first read, but lends itself to such contemplation if desired. very pleasant, very graphic but in a subtle, comfortable manner. you rock mt. charlie	2007-03-10 03:07:24
Apprenticeship	Mark Andrew Hislop	on first read--unremarkable. but more due to my lazy eyes and listless mind. next look and questions begin to form--"what the hell is this about? who is steve fry? am i stupid?" next round, some ideas elbow themselves to the front--"a budding poet emerging--showing talent, promise--pride worn like a crown--but discouragement shows and self-doubt gnaws--but the hunger to master, the driving desire to conquer, excel, to this new mental adversary, to release the waves that crash inside and show the world there is no one else like me. i am special--but to reach my destination--to achieve greatness, i must first admit that i am not great, not special, and i have nothing and know nothing but my desire. what i seek must be earned--but i can reach it... nice--	2006-01-08 11:05:12
Cycle	Latorial D. Faison	this describes to me the moment when, engrossed in the despairs, fears, helplessness of a world gone mad all around you, you see your child crying simply because you are sad. this is when u reach for them and promise to yourself to be strong for them. beautiful. charlie	2005-10-08 06:24:42
Crying in a rugby context	Mark Andrew Hislop	impressive SOC piece here. reads like it came unhindered straight from your thoughts, like your fingers had little brains in them and your words didnt have to travel at all to get out, thus they escaped intact. this is a genuine, guilt-ridden, raging, angry, ashamed,blaming rant!straight-from-the-tap! well-done	2005-10-08 06:14:15
Affliction - Etheree #2	Mary J Coffman	simply beautiful. you have captured a single moment in the life of someone faced with the inevitable. i can see the expression on this face as the mind runs a million mph thinking, realizing, wrestling. ive been there, and remember those moments,those feelings: theyre gone, i'll go too one day, never see them,hear them, tell them. inever got to say, they never knew- and oh the regrets. helpless, afraid,so sad. all in a few seconds. love this charlie	2005-10-08 06:04:06
Afterglow (an Etheree)	Mary J Coffman	i dont know exactly what it means, but the words you string here are poetry in themselves. though the images this piece aroused were impossible to identify, they were beautiful and subtle nonetheless. more like pleasant feelings you could almost see. i like.	2005-10-08 05:56:45
I Think of You	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	this poem immediately brought back those old hopeless, helpless, feelings ive struggled to define when broken-hearted and struggling with the choice of life w/o love or merciful death. during those times i try to capture the utter despair of having consciously decided to die-that w/o her, i have already ceased living, my heart and soul hobbled and much like a horse with a broken leg-must join the body with its amputated counterparts. dont think i ever hit the mark as u have here. i felt that sad, cold,loneliness, so familiar to myself-yet i felt it for you. kinda like finding your dog or cat that has been runover in the road. such sadness for what could have been but now will never be. ihope u found some comfort after writing this-like i do; like you got rid of some of it - just enough to go on. thanks for making me feel less alone.	2005-09-10 12:40:56
How Boring	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	how unique this topic and presentation. at first i dismissed this as trivial, but on second read, began to see the truth. god is usually described in awe-inspiring verse- the invincible, omniscient, the existence eternal. but no thought given to the flip-side: what do you do when you're all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever-present, the trials of man would be of no more consequence than an insect caught in a spider's web to a human. this one is a refreshing, clever poke at an age-old truth - rotten spots can ruin the ripest fruits.	2005-09-10 11:32:20
Souls Running Free	Mandie J Overocker	5,7,4,3,8=27 7,7,4,4,8=30 7,5,5,5,4=26 these numbers indicate #of syll. in each line, and total # per stanza. cant remember if you were the one who said they dont care for syll. counts, but with such a nice poem, one so close to a perfect structure, you owe it to your own talent to experiment some. since u have 5 line stanzas, maybe 30 syll (maybe even 6 syll per line) might be fun. there is much beauty,thought, and vivid life inthese lines, help us, the readers, discover your total message.	2005-06-22 15:21:35
Persephone	Mandie J Overocker	have always loved mythology-both Greek and Roman,and fascinated endlessly by tales of the origins of the worlds. u have recreated an old favorite here, and done so quite remarkably. your language is very mysterious and appropriate for your tone and theme in most parts, but whether intentional or not,there is a rhythm just below the surface that rolls along then hits a snag. i suggest writing this whole piece in 4 syllable rhyming lines. u can eliminate unnecessary words that are affecting the rhythm, and could really bring out the heart and soul of this piece. here is an example of what im talking about using a few stanzas as suggestions Dried out branches bloodstained the leaves Tumble through Fall's whispering trees tortuous tale changing seasons Innocense lost no rhyme; reason grieving mother little child lost beautiful soul horrible cost from darkest depth to flowered field stole her away Nether-land yield bound as his wife life without care lifeless dead earth nothing would bear love this	2005-06-22 15:09:55
Abyss	Jesus Manuel Lopez	this stunning piece oozes of the melancholia, shameful reluctance, and repressed conviction and pity of one who has crossed over into a beyond foreign to most, and who now tries to relate the experience to a world of skeptics waiting to ridicule and eviscerate. brazen gazes, addled eyes, fractured faiths and glimpses of the true guise of this horrible earth are wonderfully explicit and anonymous at once. one of my favorite submissions this month. wonderfully veiled, sinister language. beautifully wicked	2005-06-22 14:47:24
The Thief	Timothy Holyoake	A train cut through the green hills like a finger tracing a scar.---this is incredibly POETIC! i know there are much better words than that,but i am at a loss.im jealous too--i so wish that line was mine! Dear god- (but im not very religious), the horrible hell this must have been! did it only happen once? did your mother know? was there sexual abuse or just physical? wont/cant make comments or suggestions for improvements-for this reads like you poured it right out of your mind. anxiously waiting... charlie	2005-06-14 03:53:26
Crested Swift	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	thanks for the sharing. i never heard of tanka poetry. will try my hand...... -"brawny" hummbingbird's wings? -the words u put together here seem recklessly strewn with whispered reverence--and they're fun to say togetherv too.	2005-06-06 00:14:17
TV	Latorial D. Faison	get' em girl! ur a skilled haiku penner! there poem really paints a giant outline that one could fit so many things into. another thought provoker.. ****** what if "to the Bush to America" read, "to the Bush OF America"?*********just a thought good to see you	2005-06-06 00:09:15
Treasury of Bitter Herbs	Jana Buck Hanks	Today and yesterday vie for grace-filled remembrance in the fanciful clouds of tomorrow -think u should switch "today" with "tomorrow" here--"tomorrow and yesterday vie....in fanciful clouds of today" the illusive hours of seemingly innocence dances -"innocent"? your poem reads like a "stream-of-consciousness" passage. thoughts pouring straight-from-the-mind-to-the mouth-to-the-air. a fascinating genre im very much interested in. your word usage is superb	2005-06-05 23:51:29
senryu	Rachel F. Spinoza	this was an interesting tidbit. your choice of words in this are clever. at first, seeming a random assortment of solitary words; each standing along over its own realm. but there are no periods here. upon closer look, each of these words represents one facet of the whole entity. and when read in such a way, an entirely different picture is presented. a rawer, more vivid picture revealing intricacies beneath the surface layer. so many possibilities from just a few words. excellent haiku.	2005-06-05 23:43:01
For The Love Of Aphrodite	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Who'll enchant and trick thee (what about "enchanted trickery here"? dont know your rhythm for this goes though) --------------------------------- In a torrid dance On the top of her waves (what about "tawdry and torrid she dances with (or in, etc) waves (or the waves)" ---------------------------------- You'll be tossed and your soul ("your mind lost and tossed as you're wiled by her ways") Will be lost to her ways. * i thought mind good here since soul comes next* ---------------------------------- Take heed young man Tis’ your soul that she seeks ("young men take heed tis you're ...") ---------------------------------- She will toss you and turn you (what about different words here : "leads you and bleeds you"? maybe) ---------------------------------- For your thirst won't be quenched (maybe "no thirst is quenced"?) ---------------------------------- Don't listen young man(turn deaf ears young men?) -------------------------------------- like everything about this: the idea, the form, the rhythm, language, and warning tone. the repetition of some words (tossed, soul) seems to take something away from it. try using some different descriptive words. also, you have some strong sentences in there sandwiched between some that have a lot of the same words in them (the, her, that, be, and, of, you, your, she, etc.) for sake of the rhythm. maybe tell this to all young men instead of one. lots of good stuff here to work with. definite potential!	2005-06-05 23:31:27
Child in the distance	Mark Andrew Hislop	a very touching read Mark. full of sadness, regret, reflection, truth, and conviction just a few of the emotions bubbling here. a brutal, self-reflective honesty throughout that makes readers reflect on their own actions. love that last stanza. it really drips with heartfelt, sincere, desirous, hopeful conviction. well done charlie	2005-05-21 12:00:57
Who Was Reetika?	Latorial D. Faison	as a history buff, i am intrigued to look further into this woman's life as your poem and notes (thanks 4 them by the way) left me with some curiosities. your topics are always so refreshing and your delivery is point-blank. u give me food for thought... ever-thankful, charlie	2005-05-21 11:43:10
Tiny Tragedy	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	what if moths could think as humans? assuming they would know better than to continue to fly to their deaths, what would they be saying? what would people say if faced with something similar? declare war on it? just a few of the nerdy things that get in the way of my important thinking. love the rhyme. wish more did (or do i?) excellent job of taking an everyday, common occurrence and breathing tragic life into it. scribe on! always, charlie	2005-05-21 11:37:58
Contentment	Audrey R Donegan	this reads like the lamenting of a sad occassion or event in one's life. seems to me to say, you know what? time will go on. life will go on. when all the world has let this moment slip from their memory, ever shall i continue to remember. just a few quick grammatical suggestions (as your words are really self-supported, complete, and vivid) Time will forget this moment allowing its endless linger, BUT(seems like a run-on sentence without another word here) deathless in my mind. -entranced, (think a comma is better here) -fish-eyed (hyphenated because seperately, words don't have same meaning) -will (think either semi-colon or dash here always a pleasure, charlie	2005-05-21 11:17:06
A Long March	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	love haiku too- think "saluting April" works better for the last line? seems like it would kind of connect things better, like a cause-and -effect- sorta -- like the parade of pastel tulips swaying is actively saluting or something. i dont know- just wanted to give you something to think about i guess. but its really nice as is. maybe ill write and post one for you along these same lines or with this theme. charlie	2005-05-17 17:51:36
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