Thomas Edward Wright's E-Mail Address: thomas@tomwrightmd.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Thomas Edward Wright	Critique Date
Beside the Gate	Joanne M Uppendahl	Who can critique something like this? The syrup is so thick I'm stuck to the plate! I need air. I need air... I must be reading this at the wrong time of day. It's too well-done for me. I need 'em raw and kickin' in the morning. Where's Scheffer...my coffee, boy...my coffee...	2004-05-14 06:27:48
Where The Heart Is	Mell W. Morris	The Summa Cum Loudly The hair in the corner the thread in the nest my lilacs in purple I know I am blest. the homeless have nowhere to unbend their knees, perhaps I should send them one of these trees. I'll call Air Express Or maybe a tree man who'll dig up a bush and stick it in a van. He can plant it in town where the homeless gather, they can stand around, and blither and blather about how beautiful it is, this purple lilac bush: it's from Mrs. Morris whose poetry's as lush. and they'll feel better than they've felt in some time; 'Cause ol' Morris the Poet gave 'em more than a rhyme.	2004-05-14 06:19:39
Blending of the Heart	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie- I'll place some thoughts within your carefully constructed and thoughtful verse: These are just some off the cuff ideas that struck me as I read through. Love is an exposure of the heart compassion sits holding hands with care. The aptness to subsist while apart yet persevere together in all we dare. Love is giving and honest devotion saying yes at times [] balanc[ed] [] with no. ....I thought the line too long [As] [c]yclic[al] [] as nature in motion [cyclic exact] just doesn't work for me [akin to?/like?] the ocean’s ebb and flow. {similar to} is too mundane Love is peace in [] creation [stirred] [use the active voice] [ ] with storms of needless woe. The warmth of sincere and genuine elation to the coldness of the deepest snow. Love is the flower fragrant and sweet yet the passing of its innocent beauty too. It is commitment without opposing deceit [and] encompasses assessing and review. Love is inspiration, intuition, and illumination[:] it can bring heartache and painful grief. Love is a trembling euphoric excitation or shak[es] the sorrow of a once known belief. Love is............ It's a good start Deb. Will look for future additions. Good luck. tom	2004-05-14 05:50:33
The Scar the Wing Leaves	G. Donald Cribbs	I live a more black and white life. A life of Newtonian physics and Oslerian physiology. Perhaps that is what drew me here. The nectar is so sweet. An interesting, thoughtfully posed, well constructed piece of art, Mr. Cribbs. It shall hang in my atrium for some time. Thanks. Wright	2004-05-14 04:54:45
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	?	2004-05-13 21:38:18
there was another tree	zen sutherland	Abel?	2004-05-13 17:40:10
Freeway Lemons	Jillian K Sorenson	I kept waiting for my car to break down. But you were there, your lemons, your loins, and all your loving washing over me. I could not but open them, one at a time, and read the seeds, bathe in the freshness. My silence was too loud for lemonade, yes. I should have mentioned how delicately you squeezed me, how in my emptiness you filled my panting rind, how your inquest sends a mind reeling, running - but the evasiveness cannot last. and one day I will quell your fears. too loud for lemonade, too quiet for you. if this is a freeway, let's pull over. if this is a wayside rest - we're not there yet.	2004-05-12 05:30:50
The Boy Who Played with Barbie	G. Donald Cribbs	Donald- You were seduced into Barbie Land, too! I don't know if you've read Denise Duhamel's totally hilarious Barbie pieces, but I would strongly recommend them if you have not... The strength of this piece is in the last two stanzas, with the window treatment, the concept of opening one's soul to another, in truth, spilling everything for another to see. We all, too often and too well, close the blinds. As if marriage were merely fitting flesh together, and watching it divide - Another outstanding piece. Thanks for sharing. tom	2004-05-12 05:15:32
japanese verse 47 (Ava Jean)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	ee- your words are your gift emptying the cup of faith haikus light the way te	2004-05-12 05:07:40
The Death of a Poet	G. Donald Cribbs	GDC- As if we don't have enough Swan-age going on this month. Here's a bird who's reaped high regard in the world of art. Your eulogy, or metaphorical treatment of life after death, or how I felt when I dropped my Dilly Bar into the lake off the end of the dock (they float), takes stock of the German High Command and with deft manipulation - Class, sit and watch the master at work at his bench: By day’s end we are spent, our lumbering through this living slumber to the last look light leaves us at the lakeshore, swan-like fierceness flickering under feathers white and tomb-like the inner-line rhyme "end/spent" the alliteration of "l's" in "lumbering...living...light...leaves..." ditto fierceness flickering under feathers... the "long 'i'" of light/like/white/-like then the concept that life is a slumber: will death finally awaken us? the fierceness of the swan standing at the tomb in white feathers (I can see him/you, there, in the swan outfit...is that a cigar?) My favorite image: "We stumble down to lividity" which is a way of saying we are stupidly living, and only at death's call are we able to see our Holy Role, and roll the holey die...into the delicious darkness. What a man! CPR on a mother-in-law. Your meds needs adjusting, Cribbs... Just kidding. This one is all over my bunny suit. I couldn't help but spill a bit as I slurped it down. Better get back to life. This death stuff is really scary. I admonish you: keep writing this wonderful stuff. Where's my beer... right around the corner	2004-05-12 05:03:17
To my unborn mother	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mum An effective exercise in living upside down under. Bum	2004-05-08 21:57:29
Heaven on earth	Mark Andrew Hislop	"Dacks" is an Australian term for trousers "fuck" is an American term for Australians who can't speak English. : : : : (that's an entire tribe, watching from the bush)	2004-05-08 21:38:15
Prima materia	Mark Andrew Hislop	Again, the knife thrower act. I am waiting for the dancing kangaroos. And the little burning koala bears, swimming for New Zealand. pissed.	2004-05-07 09:44:48
The deep divide	Mark Andrew Hislop	the way it moves along the page, dancing, trying to decide which side of the church to sit on. which side of the body to drive in the knife. veteran	2004-05-06 23:58:28
The Brew	Jessica Inman	Jessica: I am old. Older than dirt. I am a minute bug on your eyebrow, your earlobe, a bug that listens to your thinking. I will be watching and listening. I don't bite. I don't hurt or harm. I am a bug who eats poems. You must feed me every chance you get. As you feed me I will grow. And will become beautiful. I will become you. And you will become me. And when you are old and gray, you can become a bug, too. Take care of me. And I will care for you. Remember: I'm watching.	2004-05-01 07:52:30
Learning to Fly	Mick Fraser	Mick- A credible effort, and one that files in and flies as well. I like the stream of consciousness feeling to it, the reality bite, and the position of her attitude at the end, still learning, youthfully. tom	2004-05-01 07:47:35
Blue Dragonfly - Revisited	Joanne M Uppendahl	Another episode in the ongoing Uppendahl saga: I Saw The World Through Thick Glasses and It Was Beautiful. Which is the title of your next collection. (i hope) tom :)	2004-05-01 07:44:39
japanese verse 46 (Hyenas)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	ee- i hear the desert sigh a sigh deep to heart and ankles crack in the stretching dawn. te	2004-05-01 07:32:27
The world is wet.	Jane A Day	Panes or Pains??? We all make witches. I want to be water in your bellybutton. tom	2004-05-01 07:25:13
ABC's of Life	Mick Fraser	Mick- I like. It rumbles and rattles along to Stella. What/Who ever that is! I find it interesting that a heroin addict is a heroine addict again...though doubt that she knows or thinks that way...that's what we all become, addicts of some hero or heroine, if not ourselves. Peace bro' tom	2004-05-01 07:06:14
Down to the river	Mark Andrew Hislop	I like the part about washing stones and feet. And laugh. I like the part about the river. And brook. I like the part about the uncircumcised. And remember. The part about the way down. And leave all things behind. That part. That. truly wonderful. but true? as true as poetry can be. as true as life. That.	2004-05-01 07:02:19
Demon	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark- Round-ish. Whirling. The way you repeat words and sounds works very well here. I shall hang this one up with the others in the gallery. There where the light is low, yet of a glow tall enough to read. Your prayer will be answered. Has been answered. tom	2004-05-01 06:52:44
Instructions for My Burial	Joanne M Uppendahl	Perfect. Lay me next to her. Downhill. Downwind. tom	2004-04-21 19:29:54
Iraq in April	Mark Andrew Hislop	A tough situation. clearly un-thought-out. no exit strategy, no conditionality, no what-ifs. i have no excuse for this, and apologize on behalf of america. i support our troops, and hope they all come home. this is not your fault. you do honor to your calling. you do honor to your president. he does not honor anything but his ego. which is why a hawk should be caged. torn american	2004-04-21 19:27:57
The waking tide	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark- Bravo. An expansion of the Haiku. Tremendous. I checked. You were here before. Welcome back. Stay. When my son gets to Australia, see to it that he learns the language. tom	2004-04-21 09:32:34
Canticle	Joanne M Uppendahl	I just hung up the phone (so to speak) with JJH about her use and abuse of the "ing" thing, and I click over to Upperdoll's number, and it's like deja vu all over again. 90% of poetry is half musical. She should stop by here and see how it's done. I should shut my mouth and go plant rocks. I have no idea what I'm talking about. tom	2004-04-20 23:13:22
japanese verse 45 (Stream)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi ee- you march on with your Japanesisms. picking lilac lace wind over your left shoulder suddenly your ear tom	2004-04-20 23:00:48
Thumb of Green	Mell W. Morris	Mell- Haven't I seen this before? If not, I apologize for my insouciance. I loved it the last time I read it. Wherever that was...maybe it's a re-write. If so, I rest my case. I have nothing constructive to add. A flower in my pot. tom	2004-04-20 22:53:05
Hat Language	Marcia McCaslin	A nice warm and fuzzy kind of poem, full of heart and sentimentality. Tip o' the brim to you. tom	2004-04-20 22:49:29
The Last Visit	Sherri L. West	Another very touching piece of writing. The familial connections are endless sources of poetic diversions. Well done, Sherri. tom	2004-04-20 22:46:21
Summer	Sherri L Smith	We hit 90 deg on Sunday then had our first episode of severe weather. It barely broke 50 on Monday behind the front. I could use a beer. You did this. Made me hot. tom	2004-04-20 22:43:18
Eye Hath Not Seen	Marcia McCaslin	I'm on my way over, warm up the griddle. Cute piece, MM. tw	2004-04-20 22:40:04
What is Rooted We Revisit in Sleep	G. Donald Cribbs	This will gather great and significant moss. Lichen	2004-04-20 22:35:02
Nightfall	Mark Andrew Hislop	A winner. Anything with breasts is a winner. tom	2004-04-20 22:26:34
Ted	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark- One hell of a rant. What's the significance of milk, tape and gas? couldn't figure that one... I never did smoke Until I burned for you. deadly. tom	2004-04-20 22:24:32
On similarity	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark- Sorry, I intended to follow up on these last two pieces, but had to deal with some issues... This poem can be read in several different ways. The first time I read it, it assumed that you were speaking to a lover. The second time, I still felt that way, but began to have doubts. The third, I was convinced your audience was much broader: the general readership. And I think that is how the poem works best, as a poem from the poet to the reader, or readers and poets like yourself - you point out our similarities nicely and uniquely, I enjoyed the daisy in the hair, a nice touch, and one of the reasons I tried to make this a poem to a lover. It's just that your ending is so dramatic and "all encompassing" that I rejected that approach/direction/bent So I think your message is one directed to (us) poets (I would have to be very liberal to put myself in that category) and that the fundamental differences between us are really not differences at all, but less than similar, or, oddly, the same. But even similarity must reach its end, as bodies by space delimited and defined must all by their nature be. What is that end, and how defined for us? The fundamental natural difference, the volcanic action of primal force, male, whose field of action can only be the permanence of eternal female time. THis one will be chewing on my boot for awhile. Very unique. tom	2004-04-20 22:14:11
How not to have you	Mark Andrew Hislop	Something about threesomes that never quite works... You're right; time to go. Another interesting piece of art that I'm going to have to chew on for awhile. I like the negative in the title. Nice metaphor of riding the rain. The tension is palpable. Cleverly constructed. Good story telling. tom	2004-04-20 16:27:06
Gone	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark- I love this piece. I am running through your cylce of four fantastic poems and will make this brief. MY favorite stanza is the last, with three fabulous metaphors leading into the finale. Real pain expressed here in beautiful form and pictures. Outstanding. tom	2004-04-20 16:15:51
Why is it that.....	Sherri L. West	Age is a state of mind. Happy Poetry Month.	2004-04-14 21:58:42
with a tranquil passion burning	zen sutherland	zen- ( I want a name like this...) with a tranquil passion burning in your eyes i watch your soft face through curtain-filtered morning light quieter and more quiet <----------need this? [until I notice] an unfolding [another way to say this?] [like] a flower or a soul expanding [need this?] within [them] [ " ] and I see sheer delicate lines [the same way] spider webs are lit [or, "as" ?] by summers backlight – [summer's] the lines of the universe that tether you to me or us to us, [back and forth] [over-used idiom] stitching my soul to yours As you can see, my concern here is not about the message, which is thoughtful and comes from a true sense of love and admiration for your partner, but how you are going to accomplish relating that poetically. I think you can go through your poem and pick out the "commonly" used terms and phrases; ask yourself if there's another way to say what you're saying without saying it in "street terms" There is a nice dreamy relaxed feeling to this morning. Great potential. Thanks tom	2004-04-14 06:42:34
Country Music	Marcia McCaslin	M- This makes the piece: I make light of it, but, in truth, the music brings me to tears, and the lyrics pluck me dry. But this is brings tears to my eyes!: But give me “Three Chords And The Truth”, repeated choruses of “God Must Be A Cowboy” (well, maybe throw in a shot of “Jose Cuervo”) and I can still be played. WEll done, pardner! t	2004-04-12 05:49:46
I Took You With Me	Rick Barnes	One could find an "other" at work here, or take this as an image of self-discovery, finding a part of yourself that you had ignored or "reasoned" away. I suspect the former from you, so it's probably the latter you intended. the language is classic Barnes, sparse and to the point. Whatever that is. Scheffer told me not to talk about the point. So there. I didn't. tom	2004-04-12 05:46:47
Haiku (She Digs It)	Marcia McCaslin	M- fun. an unexpected turn. not exactly nature? quite natural, I guess. i think we're allowed this! T	2004-04-12 05:33:02
Who Slew My Daffies?	marilyn terwilleger	Our crocusses fared little better. Snow yesterday. Sweetly done. No suggestions. tom	2004-04-11 10:45:54
Elena,her Ninja,and Chernobyl	Michael Bird	Unbelievable, but true. Thank you Michael, for pointing this out to us. Thank you Elena, for risking your life to tell a story. Progress. Measured in bodies. Lessons. Always learned the hard way. tom	2004-04-11 10:43:44
Baby In The Grey Cloud	Marcia McCaslin	Marcia McC- What an interesting poem! I really liked everything you did until the cloud-formation at the end. A little to maudlin for me. But the whole thing is very well written/thought through and posed. I was wondering what prompted the piece. Someone we'd all know? Or is this a metaphor for something I'm not getting (probably!)? TenseTom	2004-04-09 13:44:14
Twisters	Sherri L Smith	Hi Sherri- Nice to see one of yours on my list. We're cold up here in Minne- 42 today. I think the piece does a nice job creating the urgency that a twister brings. The ending is especially poignant with the rubble-browsing that goes on in the aftermath. From a technical standpoint, I like the line breaks and the indentation, the form serves your purpose well, especially the indentation to create some character and give it a nice look. The lack of any end punctuation doesn't hurt your piece, and I'm not sure it would help if there were any, your indentation has served that purpose. If I had to re-write this myself I would change a few things: Winds[] ravishing, whipping [] the Midwest Rain [sideways blows] Spotters scout[] the skies Watches, [W]arnings issued Watch[] the weather channel[:] Radar screens green, to yellows, the reds Suddenly Sirens, [a] dash to shelter Please God, [they] pray, protect my loved ones []as the freight train Magnified many times over Uproots trees, Tumbles into houses and cars Fires a straw [blade into] a tree trunk A wooden branch [e]mbedded In the [] fish’s mouth at the bait shop Still there to[]day House foundations all that remains [of the] Total devastation in [use another metaphor] Survivors picking through the rubble Salvaging for memories[]. That's my take on it. Thanks Sherri tom	2004-04-09 13:41:21
Rising to the Occasion	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell- I ran off to re-read some Heaney then came back to your homage. Heaney speaks of the land and his culture-in-the-land-home. Your patronage has shed a fine light on this Nobel laureate. A coign of vantage we would be well-advised to find, to sit, to ponder. I go.	2004-04-09 11:31:38
Afterthought	Michael J. Cluff	Cluff- I need the ball teed a little bit higher. Wright	2004-04-08 05:59:09
At The Full Of The Moon	Marcia McCaslin	Light slides from [] day [] blue satin [] pulled by [use an interesting adj.] fingers beneath the horizon. Stars splash into place. An unstable moon rocks [] up the ridge [] a rock cart wheel. It is full of itself, and laugh[s] at [our?] earth. The mood catches on. The young feel old enough; The old feel young enough. Hormones dance around with urgency-- It could be now or [- It could be] never. some thoughts on your moon. tom	2004-04-08 05:45:45
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Thomas Edward Wright	Critique Date

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