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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Lora Silvey	Critique Date
A Poem With a Title Longer Than Itself	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, How clever of you, I love your sense of humor, and believe it or not, I had to really stop and think about this, see-right in front of me, if it had been a stick it would have hit me. Thank you for the mind jolt and for bringing this delicious piece of humor to us. Bravo! Lora	2005-08-11 21:42:03
Through My Dark Crystal	Jana Buck Hanks	Jana, Through My Dark Crystal [such an appropriate title] Big city excitement's twisted memories retrace caustic slug slime footsteps to predisposed fumbling, down narrow-minded alleys, blind to chastity- belt points-of-worldly-view. [this is sort of reminiscent of college days, how we bungle our way through, believing and expousing someone else's philoshpy and we actually bought in to it at the time. There is a not of sadness tinged with anger for the complacency that seems to permiate the very point of being.] Future simple minds rotted away by faith choked by poisonous primrose paths trailing worthless infested decisions. [definitely sad to see how old notions, customs dilude people and lull them into a sleep that makes them appear simple minded, then as if a moth to flame they turn to faith, not out of spirituality but out of dispair and laziness.] Footprints into histories loath repeated, prisons of judgements doors to man's inhumanity to self and to the world. [and it goes on and one and on, thoughts held in check not daring to be original or to break out of their mold, ouch- a true reflection of mankind and how he often deals with life] Well crafted write, good structure and conveyance of your observations and conclusions to that which you find yourself surrounded.....the stagnation and empathy of society and it's "civilized people therom" speaks volumns. Thank you for this post and reminder. Excellant job, goes on my list. Lora	2005-08-11 11:19:42
Green Grass	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, I found this simply delightful, a great journey of varied tastes, sounds and sensations. You have crafted this piece superbly with an easy flow to your words and vivid discriptions, and in the end have brought it home with realization and contentment. Bravo for this delicious treat. Lora	2005-08-10 23:09:18
Middle East	Jana Buck Hanks	Jana, I was going to take this line by line, but I love each and every line. You've painted such a vision in my mind I suppose now I'll have to get busy digitally and create it in the 3 demential world.....and of course as I read I could hear the music I know would be there so I suppose I'll have to get busy and compose some notes/melody for this also........ This is superb, totally away from your normal style, a new venture which you have crafted so exquisitely. Your word flow is smooth and undulating like your poem totally capturing the moment and taking the reader there to a place where there is nothing else but the moment. This was a delightful easy read, I'd love to see you do more of this type, kudos. Namaste' Lora	2005-08-10 09:01:44
Sigh	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is a great CINQUAIN, the count is exact and your structure is right on (old hippie talk). I love what you have stated here, a thought epitomized in this easy flowing poem. No truer words can be said of ones true love, how it makes you feel, and in the end all the wonderous feelings leave you with a sigh. This is so romantic, so full of life, love, all the juiciest things that make life worth while and keep treasured memories close and soft to be brought forth when they are called upon. Thank you for this well crafted uplifting work. There is no place for improvement here, this is a master piece. Warmest, Lora	2005-07-31 20:22:33
Bob's Name Is Roger	marilyn terwilleger	Oh Marilyn, I'm so sorry to hear that "Bob" passed on, his goals and dreams not fulfilled in this life. The lives he touched are so much richer for his being, look at the inspiration he gave to you. I can hear the hope, the anticipation of seeing, the disappointment and even your heart crying at the news. I am truly sorry that you have lost a friend. I believe he is probably looking down on you as we speak. Good form, structure and read although I would have preferred a different ending as you would have also. Blessings. Lora	2005-07-27 22:29:57
The Dark Side	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, The Dark Side {Very appropriate title} Night screams Broken dreams Voice without sounds Fear abounds {such things that can come from the Visions of light {subconscious when under stress} Mindless flight Endless thought Daydreams for naught {such frustration often bears out at night Halls without doors Seas without shores Cunning demon departs Imprisoned daylight starts {torture, anyway they can, insidious creatures who play with our minds OK Marilyn, I don't know what you had to drink or eat, but I certainly don't want any "smile". On the serious side, this is so urgent in it’s telling, fraught with anxiety and confusion, almost to despair. The assonance is superb, good structure and flow. You have left nothing to the imagination, very apt descriptions, may peace find you and light keep you safe. I will walk those dark moments with you if you need a companion. Thank you for sharing. Lora	2005-07-25 18:59:05
Cherry Blossom Melody	Jana Buck Hanks	Cherry Blossom Melody (sets the mood, puts the senses on alert} In my melic heart music softly shimmers a prelude {ou, shimmers a prelude….yummy feelings of inner peace, grounded, ethereal} to symphonic poems your perfect splendor sparks in my soul {absolutely perfect progression, music softly-symphonic, the poems that are born, {passion sparks in the soul, a splendorous perfection} OKAGE SAMA DE I am what I am because of you. {OKAGE SAMA DE; and in culmination the piece de resistance’, sapient, so well placed within your writing, such a tribute, how honest- I am what I am because of you, what an honor to bestow on the teacher/s.} Great structure, the visual effect emphasizes, and the verbiage could not be more elegant in it’s simplicity, less is more philosophy , while the cadence is soft, easy and flowing. Bravo! Excellent job, this goes on my list for this month (and all those that follow) A good lesson here in so many ways, writing, philosophy, self rule. Lora	2005-07-24 12:36:24
The Lost Poems of San Francisco	Gene Dixon	Hello Gene, Your verbiage leaves visions of days gone by and missed opportunities resonating in my mind. The atmosphere is a poets dream, the missed moments a poets regret. How often have we all been in a place so pregnant with ideas that seem to dance before our minds briefly then flit away before we can capture them. I at times thought to have one of those personal recorders would be great for such times just realize that I would not use it for pure essence of the moment can elude so quickly. You have taken this reader on a grand journey of memory, thought and reflection. Good structure and continuous flow have brought this reader a delightful offering in your poem. Perhaps some day those poems will no longer be lost. Thank you honoring with this, I look forward to reading more of your work. Lora	2005-07-24 00:17:20
My Faults	Joyce P. Hale	Joyce, Well at first I was going to try to go through this line by line but once I got into it I decided that there was just too much here for me to do that. Gotta tell you, I laughed, I cried (from laughing) had told empathy for you and then for himself…. I can totally relate, I think most married women can. I can’t how many times I have felt like you have described here, thank you, you have aired it for all of us-now I know I’m not alone and I won’t have to feel guilty anymore for how I feel. Good structure, nice flow and a delightful read. I wouldn't change a thing about this writing. Lora	2005-07-24 00:16:26
Orientations	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, It is simply inspiring how you taken a minimal amount of very well chosen wordsand title, have spoken volumes with them. I do not see how what you have said could possibly be said any clearer and does give us something to ponder. Thank you for this offering, it is definitely “par excellance”. As always you have your finger on the pulse of what is. Lora	2005-07-23 20:35:35
Bless Me, Father	Joan M Whiteman	Joan, Yes it is said that forgiveness is devine, it is at times hard to do as we should but you have put so much in true prospective here. You wear your past like penance painting contrition on your breast in so many scarlet letters. Telling no one your sins, you beg forgiveness from passing strangers. Try as you might, you cannot strike sparks from the ashes of absolution, you cannot wring tears from the empty wells of your eyes. {It is so easy to say words of deeds, but true deeds are written in the heart and bear the fruit of action} Still, you drink brine, trying to slake your bitter thirst ignoring all you were ever taught. Turn away from the wind that whips your past. {And yet even knowing that one is a fraud they continue on ignoring the very thing that could bring them peacce and salvation, but pride will not let them take that step} Ego te absolvo! {Forgiveness gives absolution to the forgiver, how sad that the one recieving the forgiveness can not or will not seek forgiveness from their self" Brillantly done, bravo, good structure and flow. Thank you for this read, it brings reaffirmation to this reader. For me this is a keeper, one for the winners list. Lora	2005-07-22 13:38:13
Epiphany	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, Absolutely perfect, 5,7,5 and see you've taken to naming your haikus also....and why not, aren't we the ones who make, break and bend the rules...*smile*. I really like this, one having viewed all in black and white, closed off to all the options and then suddenly being able to view all in color, limitless potential. Thank you for this profound statement. As Always, Lora	2005-07-22 13:28:05
The Battle For Mount Diablo	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, I was so pleased to see this on my list, it was a great way to start my day. The Battle For Mount Diablo {very fitting} Dark overcast, master of the night Slowly rose and broke apart Bowing before the strong California sun Pockets of mist clung to the valleys But soon they too were vanquished Only the peak of the mountain remained shrouded {wonderful description of daybreak, night and it’s darkness breaking up, the heavy clouds that shroud the mountain at night dissipating with the morning sun} Gray clouds swirled stubbornly Blowing and gathering refusing to relinquish their prize There was no way of knowing if the mountain was struggling to cast off the dark or clinging to moist solitude {this is splendid, one can visualize the mists hanging stubbornly to the mountain and how they swirl within the warm and cold air pockets created by the warming sun and the hidden crevices of the mountain} Either way the sun soon won out The hills and mountain stood in golden glory, a tribute to their master {I have always like this time of day, that brief few moments when the sun sort bursts, erupts making everything golden just before the light of day sets in…almost as if everything is sprinkled with gold dust} But the master became tyrant punishing the mountain for its dark secrets Agonizing heat baked the parched hills Little could be done but endure until the sun grew tired Vanguard shadows approached And victor became vanquished again {and once again day becomes night and the mountain has a reprieve so that it might replenish its self with the moisture that reciprocates with every nightfall} This offering is excellently crafted, very well structured and the flow made for a easy read. Your alliteration is superb, your verbiage pays homage to this vision of nature. Thank you for this visage of what might have been just another life cycle if it were not for your words. Lora	2005-07-22 09:35:48
Earth Spirit	Michael Bird	Michael, Earth Spirit {Very fitting title} Be silent Listen without talking You will hear the earth spirit {yum, everyone should do this} Look at the ground Feel it`s strength Look to the sky Embrace the openness { these four stanzas speak of all the Face the wind {nurturing wonders the earth gives to Taste it`s many scents {our spirits, bodies are very being} Open your arms to the rain Gather life for the soul Turn east {these next four stanzas remind me And be warmed by the rising sun {of the native American medicine Turn south {wheel, the holder of all mysteries} And find many wonderous things Turn north And feel the cool night air Turn west And be calmed by the setting sun Go to the river Travel endlessly with the water spirit {your next three truly speak {of one who is enlightened, Go to the valley {in tune with the cosmos} Many sounds await you Seek the highest mountain You will be free to soar like the eagle These things I tell you Listen without talking {very refreshing to hear these type {of words, a truth that is there for The earth spirit {those who want truth } Will guide your way Michael, I truly and deeply enjoyed this, it was a sweet balm to my spirit. This is a truth that is there for everyone if they will just see it, feel it, take it in.. and it doesn’t impede on anyone’s belief structure. For me, it speaks of all that Great Spirit has created and blessed us with, wonders, magic and mysteries, so much part of what makes us—us. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It flows well from thought to thought and has good structure. It is definitely one I will keep and is a winner. Kudos. Lora	2005-07-21 22:13:34
The City Masculine	Joyce P. Hale	Joyce, He wakens from a vivid dream, eyes still hazed with sleep; stretches like a sinewy cat, last night's clothes in a heap. {so typically masculine, execellent discriptiong} He is the urban corporate world always driving hard to win; his the high-powered politics where careers both end and begin. {totally metropolitian, reminiscent of Manhattan} He is the vendor on the curb, the beggar by the door; the povery-stricken streetgangs, and the drug- and alcohol-lure. {great discriptions of all the difference found in the city} Then when the streetlamps brighten and the shadows darken long, when the nighthawks and the owls patter forth to do their wrong.... { I especially like the line about highthawks and the owls, reminds me of the song "Heart of the nightowl, believe by Air Supply} Why then he struts among them all prepared to be their Lord! He's the City; he's the vessel in which all their dreams are poured. {in this sense you have painted the duplicity like that of the nature of man, very clever.} Pleasant read, great illiteration and assonace.....easy to read, flows well and good structure. I enjoyed this, you need to put this and the other over pictures and hang them as a pair...Thanks for the read. As Always, Lora	2005-07-21 21:42:44
Full Of Crap	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, I don't quite know what to say. The structure here is good, the assonance is commendable and all in all it does flow (excuse the pun). I do have to say that other than the subject matter; this piece reminded me of the Dr. Suess writings....so I believe that puts you in a whole other category. Nicely done and an unusual interesting read. Lora	2005-07-20 12:00:51
Sonnet to Life	Joyce P. Hale	Hi Joyce, Well my friend I'm not to much on what makes up a sonnet and what doesn't so I can't make comment on that. However, your statements make a social commentary which is strong. Questions asked, and in the fini, answered. Since I can't offer any suggestions as to better this work I'll just say thank you for this offering and hope is stirs those who read to a higher social conciousness. Well done. Lora	2005-07-15 22:10:06
Where Do They Come From?	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, Your title is so appropriate, next time someone asks where to these people get these poems, we should all whip out your poem and let them read it. It is so totally self explanatory. Your structure is right on, good rhythm and flow, a delightful read. There is no offering of changes, suggestions etc.,this is perfect as is. Thank you for a delightful read. Lora	2005-07-15 21:03:09
A Spiritual Decision	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, What a wonderful reminder, we all go here from time to time. I will not break down your poem for it speaks for itself, streight forward, right out there, no guess work with your meanings. Your choice of words couldn't be better and bring home your point. This to me reads not just as a poem but speaks more as a prayer, that is just my take and I thank you so much for the spiritual journey you have taken me on and for sharing such intimate feelings. May your walk be filled with peace, light and truth. Warmly, Lora	2005-07-15 20:58:30
The City's a Woman...	Joyce P. Hale	Joyce, Wow, girl knock my socs off. This is phenomenal. I don't know where to start. At first it started a little slow for me (first stanza) but as I moved along with your words it fell into a very comfortable rhythm. For me I couldn't suggest a thing to change unless it were to be authored by me.....LOL. Thanks for a most enjoyable read. Your imagery puts all sorts of visions in my mind, you have very deftly described a city and how apporpriate to call her a woman. Kudos my friend. Lora	2005-07-15 17:56:22
London Bridges	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, So pleased to see you address this. London Bridges {your titles inference “London Bridges falling down, falling down, etc., is not lost on this reader” Where are the people? Where are the bridges? Where are the churches? Where are the religions? {makes one think doesn’t it, are they there in word only?} Where are the terrorists? Where are the bombs? Where are the leaders? Where are the alarms? {sad, hard to believe that so many haven’t gotten the message, they will come} Where are the nations? Where are the pacts? Where are the weapons? Where are the facts? {yes, where are the facts, the truth, and who is standing up to be counted?} Your presentation leads the reader through the questions, provocative, eliciting a response, inciting emotions. You have run the gamut of questions; both asking and answering by way of a question. The flow is like a river, moving one on and on, and as you have alliterated, is there an end to this that we now must acknowledge as a real presence in everyone’s life. Excellant, I would have expected nothing less from you, thank you for the opportunity to review this work. Lora	2005-07-12 17:53:17
Poetry Distilled	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul Your title is so appropriate. Your 2 beat meter and visual presentation of your piece is exquisite. You have used such a simple statement, simple words to describe so much. Your statement definitely supports your title, however your statement is host to so many emotions not just those seeking liaisons in a craft but in matters of the heart. Simply delightful to read and I thank you for this offering. You have shown that it is true, there is elegance in simplicity. Lora	2005-07-12 17:11:15
Mr. Moon	Joyce P. Hale	Joyce, I’ll get some of the technical stuff out of the way first.. Tonight while we lay steeped in love, the moon played hide and seek. He gazed upon our joy sublime and lullabied our sleep. He told the stars to hush their song and keep the lovelight low; {love light or love-light} the nightsounds lulled our ecstacy {night sounds/night-sounds} {ecstasy} beneath the moonbeams' golden glow. Your rhythm is good however the meter might flow a bit better is you were to remove “golden” from the last line, for me it reads a bit smoother and keeps the beat going, just a suggestion. The white-capped waves kept vigil all night long while we breathed love; they echoed back our solemn vows, and reflected soft the moon above. The moon did bid the nightflower shed {night flower/night-flower} its sweet perfume to scent the breeze, and as we lay entwined in love, he hid behind the trees. Another suggestion line 2, removing “long” slows the meter and detracts from the feeling, all night and long=repetitive, just this writers take. Your verbiage is most descriptive and paints a picture of two lovers be seduced by the moon its self, who for all intent purposes appears to have orchestrated the whole affair, excuse the pun. One can just feel the night, smell the fragrance and luxuriate in the moment of the mystery and magic shared between two people in love. I like how you have personalized this by naming the moon and by giving the control to “Mr. Moon” and the night. Thanks for a nice read. Lora	2005-07-11 15:14:37
With Banners Flying	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, With Banners Flying {Great title, heralding an announcement or proclamation} I sat tall and outwardly proud upon my prancing steed {a vision of strength, resolve and a hint of nobility, totally in control} But I could see doubt clouding your eyes dulling the sheen of my armor {the object of your view is unsure of your intent, of your nobility and those steals part of your pride, your thunder} My first instinct was to raise my shield and prepare my lance {reactive as in a warrior, emotionally we raise our defense’s so as not to be hurt and prepare to lash out or repel any negative advance} Mount a glorious charge! Win the day! or die in battle {again pride takes hold, our wall up and reserve made} But I am not King Arthur { You don’t want him { I’m just me { these two stanza suggest self awareness { self worth and acceptance of self And amazingly { Miraculously { That is who you want { I stood tall and outwardly beautiful in my lace and chiffon { comfort in ones beauty, self assurance} But I could see distance clouding your eyes Dulling the brilliant colors { always someone wanting to rain on the parade, exceptionally hurtful if it is an intended love, causing self re-evaluation, a sadness} My first instinct was to send you off like a lowly knave {the instinct is of self protection again, to dismiss someone in order to avoid dealing with a painful issue} Turn on my heel! Spurning in dignified rage! {the feminine is to rebuke to assuage wounded feelings, to be indignant would show that the arrow had not hit its mark while it actually had} But I am not Guenevere You don’t want her I am just me {no pretenses here, not trying to be something your not, content in oneself} And amazingly Miraculously That is who you want {This is a wonderful conclusion, you’ve don’t the dance between emotions in all directions and now are liberated to be you, content with you, liking you and it is alright, for that inner person must be pleased first before we can move forward and command respect for our presence such as it is.} In this, while wrote from two perspectives, and excellently done; it is not lost that this could be the many facets of one individual wrestling with all the emotions that are welling up inside...and the questions if one should allow anyone, especially one who might be an object of love. Whatever your decisions are you have a good grip on who you are and what you want, please forgive me if I have over stepped the bounds in this last statement, it is meant with the deepest of sincerity and gratitude for your sharing such emotions with this reader. The structure and flow are delightful and make for an easy read, your underlying statements are just as well structured although not visible to the casual read. Lora	2005-07-11 13:35:43
Another Bronx Day	Jesus Manuel Lopez	Jesus, Another Bronx Day {disturbing, very true, a sad note on humanity--well chosen} the bored Bronx sun watched with humid eye {is the humidity from your own eye} Your poem is very well crafted both verbally and in structure. The words entrap your reader taking them to a place they may not want to go but must. The imagery for me becomes almost surreal, the pictures painted here are deeply intense and vivid. It is hard to understand how our spieces can stand by an just look on, a matter of fact attitude which I abhore and want to rage against.....sometimes the apathy is so indigenous to cities everywhere, not a proud comment for us "civilized beings". What an impact this had to have made on you, it is a shame that it hasn't impacted others as much. You have authored a piece that speaks to our social concience, you have spoke out, more need to hear your words, feel the confusion, pain and disbelief of this and all incidences like this. Thank you for sharing your experience, may it make a difference. Lora	2005-07-11 11:33:58
The Back Side of the Moon	Mell W. Morris	The Back Side of the Moon {In the beginning your title sent tunes of Pink Floyd played across my mind with your title, then I am swept into the resonance of your voice speaking to my inner being} I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff. { so visual,reaching out,longing and almost angry, I love opaline sky-when painting I have so wanted to capture that beauty and found I can only do so digitally} I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea. {here you have given me a sense sadness, a sense of resigning to what must be for now until things can change} A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing. {ah, melancholy-nothing seems at times to abate the feelings or assuage the depths of things we do not speak of other than to ourselves if at all} And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring {not giving in, will not succumb to what may be predestined, will persevere at all costs until the goal is met} Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.{the balm by which poets, writers, artisans garner, that which makes all worth while} For me this was almost like being on a roller-coaster, thoughts that I do not put voice to however here you have spoken volumes, we are so blessed for voices such as yours. Your formatting punctuates your very thoughts. Thank you so much for this offering, flowed easily sweeping this reader into it’s soulful magic. Lora	2005-07-11 10:13:12
I Wonder	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, I have to say when I read: When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I have to admire you for surrendering you slumber, oft I am want to stay where I am, secure in memories and mists. I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. {*sigh* those few moments when smoothing an empty bed give pause to memories and scent of days when the bed required more than smoothing, a strange complacency, sort alright for now} Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude {such, rythmic hypnosis, balm to a wondering soul}	2005-07-10 23:55:54
Haiku on Midsummer	Joyce P. Hale	Joyce, By chance are you a patron of "Midsummer's Night Dream", this instantly brought that to mind, always enjoyed it....loved watching the dancers. Anyway.... Midsummer nights are magic {there is always magic in the air at night during midsummer, something about the balminess of the air, enchanted leaving ones mind to take flights of fancy} spirits are rampant {indeed, they are everywhere especially to the unsuspecting, mischife is definitely a foot} searching for unwary souls { a what else would we expect rampant spirits to do, however alesson might be that under the spell of the midsummers night one is off guard and easy prey." I do not know enough about haiku to say much more than a nice read. Thank you. Lora	2005-07-10 22:15:22
The Rain Upon the Heather	Sean Donaghy	Sean, The rain upon the heather makes for deeper thought cascading as it does from out dark clouds. It tells us what we do isn't always what we ought but rain can cleanse the dirtiest of shrouds. Such imagery, heather as an aroma therapy is most relaxing giving way to introspection or contemplation, for me the rain does this also and the two coupled together make a heady scent and are most thought provoking. Always we have to thoughts in the back of our minds of our misdeeds but you have offered a way of cleansing, like the tears of angels. Where does the sunshine go when the sky's so wet? They say it hides behind the wren's soft call. Now, who'd believe the tiny wren could shield the sun and, yet, some mighty things are done by birds so small. Like a child’s simple innocent question and the gentle answer that is often given one who questions. You have painted the picture well of how something so small and often taken for granted can play such a major roll in life’s balance. The rivulets of rain run down the hillside and course like widow's tears into the earth reminding us of all the things we must abide and just how much one simple life is worth. This is in it’s simplicity is so eloquently stated, a fact that just is, a preponderance of how all things work and all has value. God bless the rain and all of those it comes upopn. (type-o, upon) God bless the earth when ere the rain does fall Let your soul be washed by rain 'til all your sins are gone. You'll find the sun behind the wren's soft call. In the end we all, big and small have the final call, and hopefully are blessed enough to bare witness to all the wonder that is laid out before us. Sound structuring and well formatted, your rhyming words make this sing, almost like a child’s poem but of course it is much deeper than that, it has an innocent quality about it which leads one to want to read and reread this offering. Thank you so much for this pleasurable read. I look forward to more of your work. Lora	2005-07-08 23:53:39
Motel Dreaming	John Dean	John, This is a delight...ok, I have a strange sense of humor. Your poem conveyed feelings of some one in love trying to please his lady fair. She asked me to light a barbeque Didn't she realise there was no fuel I collected rocks and pebbles from a beach Laid them on a bed of sand Your subjects heart was definately in the right place and his intent most noble, She cried with laughter at my ineptitude Here I'm hoping the tears are of the loving kind and that the ineptitude was his own interpetation of his actions. Flowers grew from the stones where her tears fell This is my gift to you A rock garden Even the most misplaced emotion and action can bloom into something of beauty, a perfect gift, heart felt and earthy. Your poem is well structured, read easily and the imagery was a nice treat for the mind. Thank you so much for this break from the norm. Lora	2005-07-08 22:23:25
Inner Peace	Debbie Spicer	Debbie, Inner Peace (Perfect fit for your work) It is as startling as a moonbeam Visible at high noon It is reliable When I stop to sense The spiritual food it serves I pause to take notice The door opens and it is perfect The response will be complete. (What perfection of security in ones inner peace, faith) Life perhaps may go awry Tumbling deep into a pool of distress Looking at life as it once seemed Walking on a slippery ground to insanity An impulse settles upon me Straightening my windblown brow As I realize I need to put all aside In order to fine true inner peace. (and how you come full circle knowing that only you can disallow the negative in order to find inner peace) The world now seems softer As my mind and soul slow down Heaviness has lifted out of awareness A faint fragrance of life soon appears It floats into my presence like a summer mist Moistening the dry parts of my being Calming the tides and feeding my hunger And yet it is still a mystery. (whether it be mediation, contemplation or prayer, when we remove ourselves from the negative and focus our thoughts on a higher plane things do seem to change, we become free of the darkness and move into light) Debbie, this brought such a sense of lifting almost to the point of floating, lightening the burdens we face, anything and everything becomes possible when we let positive energy, a higher force take charge. Wow, this is really inspiring and uplifting. Nicely structured for an easy read with and easy comfortable flow. Thank you for sharing. Lora	2005-07-05 23:58:44
Texas Toast	Jana Buck Hanks	Jana, Texas Toast (What a wonderfully intriguing title) Roaring heat beats down tenderly curled beans frying tiny white flowers shriveling baby green pods (Ah yes, the heat has a way of destroying all of natures fresh young tender lings, very descriptive.) before full creation. Sunflower petals hurled darkly to the winds, one mammoth head left to hang (and how colorful with petals that become dark from the sun cooking blowing away and one poor sunflower head barely still with us hanging on, just doesn’t seem right thus the shame) in crackling shame. Clotted soil crunches between fingers. French fried strawberries, repel soft liquid rain water, (what great imagery and how often have I held soil that does exactly that, such apt description of the strawberries, that gives me a new way to look at the poor dried up things…..1 suggestion, I love the way the last line here reads but as a suggestion a would drop the word “water” after “liquid rain, ) soaker hose totally useless. Impeded bird bitten new life (even here we have a prob with birds in our gardens, eating even new sprouts) casually rots. Raw silver sienna rivulets of split dust-bin swirls lazily. Tomato vines flourish sans fruit, strange squash mutate into imposter cucumbers choke fragrant cilantro sticks, (this also is so descriptive of life with over abundance of sun) slithers into the sun bleached grass. Hens and chicks proliferate. Lavender refuses to root. Marigolds bake in a circular brick bed by sky rocketed temperatures romancing the stones. Buttery bibb lettuce, grown knee high, gone to seed out of season. Weathered wooden fence, a funeral trellis to withered Moon Flowers and Morning Glories. Life in the Texas garden, a union of sun and earth. (Jana, this is phenomenal and you said all you can write are from a darker perspective. You have truly captured the essence of living where there is an over abundance of sunshine and heat. Even through all that appears to be desolate and futile there still remains a beauty, shoot how many people do you know that go to by dried fruit for snacks and here you have the Texas sun making them for you……..OK, not funny. I really enjoyed this poem, it’s structure, your verbiage and how your thoughts flowed one into the next without hesitation or pause. Bravo. Very enjoyable read. Thank you.) Lora	2005-07-05 23:14:39
Smile	marilyn terwilleger	Ah Marilyn, This put such a smile on my face and warmed my heart to a glow. You smile Gold sun glitters a smile brightens everything especially when it's the smile of a loved one Giving day light to dark You beckon, winds whisper to me no matter where that special love is we always can hear them, they whisper to us in the wind, even caress with the wind, and yes they definitely call to us I smile and all is a comfort bringing that smile of comfort, knowing to our face, a temprorary content lost in that moment... those few quiet golden moments are true treasures... The simplicity of this poem is a testimony to "simplicity is elegance" you have achieved a most elegant statement here. OK, now I'm going to start to ramble because of how ethereal you have made me feel. *Big Smile* Lora	2005-07-03 16:09:48
Beauty in the eyes of the beholder	Dellena Rovito	Good Morning Dellena, This is priceless, how many times have I myself felt this way. I'm not sure if it was your intent although I think it might have been, what type of a message are we sending to our young people. It is all so true, we are judged so superficially never bothering to see beyond the outer shell. What memories you have envoked with all the primping and preparation to go out......what a relief the "hippy" days were and then back to paying attention to the outer appearance so one could work. Gee's no wonder we are all confused. Why it takes us to come to more mature years to realize those that are important are the ones who love and except us for ourselves as we truly are...even ourselves need to except us as we are......what a tongue twister that was. I do believe you get my point and you have made yours most eloquently in an almost humerous way. Your poem reminds me of Erma Bombeck who I dearly love to read, dry humor and making a point at the same time, a unique gift which you also seem to possess. Thank you for such a delightful read and don't change a thing about this work. Happy and safe journeys, Lora	2005-07-03 09:55:30
I'll Call Him Bob	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is so unbelievably moving.......tucks right at the heart strings. Well structured, each thought flowing into the next neatly without hesitation. The wording, not verbose but to the point, excellent, what an impact this has made on me. You just put yourself in the "heroine" catagory with me. I thouroughly enjoy your writing but this one caught me off guard. It just took my breath away, I'm at a lose for words,,,very unusual for me. I applaud your creativity with your writing, I applaud your humanitarian charitable deeds, I do not believe I could handle people in such distress. May the God, universe, and all the powers that be bless and keep you and may we be fortunate to be able to read more of your inspiring work. Par excellance. Lora	2005-06-30 22:36:19
Rungs	Mell W. Morris	Mell, This is so beautiful, so full of love and graciousness. The words waltz around on my tongue and in my mind, make my emotions raw, I'm grabbing for a tissue, I guess I'm an incurable romantic, a sentimental fool, but this offering is of such pure unselfish emotion that it would be hard not to feel this way. I've only just begone to know those at TPL but already I can tell that you are true treasure. It is impossible to critique or suggestion any change in a writing of this caliber, well written, well structured, easy to read and humbles me before such graciousness. Thank you for the opportunity to read this work. Lora	2005-06-30 22:23:39
Listen to the Animals	Claire H. Currier	Hello Claire, There sure is alot of poem here, where do I start. I guess, the best thing to do is to tell you I totally sympathize with you. Sounds like the "perverbial" Monday syndrom which I seem to have a lot of lately. Anyway, here goes: The sky darkened behind the house Near the base of Mount Tully There was not a sound to be heard Pretty Girl was inside her house Snowball was hiding somewhere on the porch Big Jake strutted right into his coup They waited........... Isn't it amazing how the animals are always so in tune, sad that we can be also but we tune out so much of the time. Animals always go to the places they feel the safest during stormy weather. You have discribed this beautifuly. Rain drops began to fall A gentle tapping at first Just to let you know the storm was here In the blink of an eye the sky turned green The winds howled bending forth limbs with such fury Even I ran for cover Now this sounds like the type of storms we get here in the desert, they start the same way and can come up so suddenly. I love to stand out in that type of rain but don't because of the lightening.......LOL Have you gone down cellar to check the breakers? Lady, I can’t do stairs, no I have not..... If I did they would find me there waiting to be rescued To be honest she said you are the only one Reporting an outage on your road I will try to send the truck one more time Little did I know no truck had been by yet OK, now you totally have my sympathy, I just hate to be patronized. You'd already reported the transformer being hit lightening, was she not paying attention.........oh well, it seems to be the problem now with utility companies and many others, they listen, give us some line that tries to assume we are dummies and that it isn't their fault something isn't right/correct. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......LOL The Electric crew was here working on the lines Before my son arrived It was the transformer across from the house The one hit at one in the afternoon I asked why no one else reported an outage and he laughed saying .... Lady, you’re the only one on this line Well, that answers that but I certainly did not feel special....... This has to be the best though, when you are told that you are the only one on the line that comes from that transformer....and of course then knowing your son was on the way to help, very comforting. The lights came on as my son drove into the yard..... Praise the Lord.... Bless the men who work extra hard to help us in times of trouble Bless our children who respond to our calls for help. Definitely true, we should all count our blessings, big and small. Thank you for an interesting read. Lora	2005-06-30 17:40:23
The God in You	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, How poignant and how true, if we would all just look within and trust that which is pure and true within ourselves we could have such peace of spirit and mind. However, as you so eloquently put , we all have demons/skeletons that threaten our serenity, our sanctity and those who dwell on them live in a prison of their own making. You have illustrated yours thoughts on this beautifully and in a soft urgent pleading, will anyone hear, I think so. This poem flows easily and is well metered. I hope you find the peace within that you are searching for, I believe you have and that you want to share that gift with others. Thank you for this offering. Lora	2005-06-30 00:03:48
The Road	Mandie J Overocker	Hello again Mandie, Some very searching and deep thoughts here. I like how you formatted this. I stumbled a tad on the last line first stanza , “Which I know not even still exists,” perhaps doing away with the “even”, just a thought. Philosophically you have nailed the life experience on the head. I did fine with your second stanza and while I understand what your saying “But I must put the fuel in the engine and move on down the road” sort of through me off the rhythm of your piece. I don’t know to suggest with that, I also have poems that end a little out of sink but have to in order to finalize what I’m saying…. The visual presentation is great, it’s like moving on down that road. Thanks for a good read. Lora	2005-06-29 21:51:39
Unknowing	Dellena Rovito	Whoa Dellena, Very deep, and in the words of an old hippie, "very heavy". Where to start, nice form, good flow and definitely thought provoking. You are so right on target, the masks, facades we all put on....I almost felt as if you were speaking of me personally. Now I know there are those who will want to psychoanalyze your writing and probably my response…..but what the heck. For me I'm not sharing... means exactly that to me, not sharing My mouth is full of words unspoken I am full up, of emotions untold. Behind my eyes lay layers of hidden thoughts So often things are left unsaid, mostly by choice, thus not revealing what we truly feel, skeptical, unsure of the response that will be given if the words are said or emotions allowed to show, a way of guarding oneself and then of course some of us are very private and just flat out prefer to keep some emotions to ourselves You think you know me, but you can't. If I don’t know myself, than how could you? Do I know you? I am positive not And this, reminded me so much of myself, not letting anyone really in to know me. However, if one is moody and changes inner feelings a lot it is difficult to pinpoint oneself, I don’t really believe anyone can truly no another for we are such complex being ever changing and evolving that nothing is written in stone especially those who endeavor to seek beyond themselves. Glimpses into the midst of all that obscurity will only tell what is allowed to show. If we won't say, opportunity goes. I believe we all do this, it is a form of self protection but also for the very private somewhat reclusive individual it is a necessary means to survival. We only let those in that we choose to let in. I surely must know someone …anyone…… This almost makes me think of a betrayal, and from that betrayal made one question ones own-self…..a contradiction … wanting to believe and yet afraid to believe and yet again disbelief… All in all, regardless I like this, found it an easy read and it served as a good reminder to me of how my own thoughts at times are self questioning and somewhat scattered. Thank you for the trusted honor of sharing this poem and thoughts there in. Lora	2005-06-29 19:18:15
Playful Rain	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, Oh I just love this. Late last night I read it, several times. I was so stressed, it was just one of those days. I wanted to critique it then but alas it relaxed me so that I didn't so this AM, I'll give it a go. There’s a river in the parking lot I thought you’d like to know If you decide to come or not To plan which way to go The rhyming is great, it just sings. Here it isn't just the parking lots it the streets that literally flow like rivers during our monsoon seasons...an inconvenience yes, but can give way to fanciful thoughts and day dreams. The water’s dancing on the street It’s a spectacle to see I hope the rain will still let us meet It’s that important to me I also love to see the water dancing on the streets, and if different colored lights are being reflected in the droplets and their puddles are quite a spectacle indeed, and so joyful, not to negate the importance of still wanting to meet with that special someone. So don your yellow raincoat And grab your trusty umbrella Come to me if you must by boat You are my love, my fella. Oh this is so visual and I love your wording "don your yellow raincoat" I can just see that yellow thick plastic raincoat, and your discriptions here "grab your trusty umbrella" leaves a picture of one in a rush grabbing the umbrella and on run out the door with their ever trusty umbrella. Now, this is simply lines that make me feel like a giddy school girl, to come by boat if one must---you just don't care what happens as long as you two can meet, and your possessiveness yet showing your loyalty with "my fella". Thank you for such a delightful read..... Lora	2005-06-29 12:58:41
haiku (snowplow)	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, Here goes, I not real great at critiqueing haiku, however I do know what I like. road-clearing snowplow set the scene, roads snowed over, high cold snowdrifts, cold crisp air feels flurry's waste of kisses yum, if I'm there the kiss's aren't wasted, I can stick my tongue our and taste them, let them melt in my hair, stick to my eyelashs, kiss my face all over and luxuriate in their feel, their aliveness, is that a word, LOL.......you get my drift, no pun intended..... I especially like the white on white on white the purity of it, one can see the drifts going on endlessly as all things continue on to infinity shaping, changing and reshaping....wow I've have sat here this morning and just let this run over my mind, it is definately better than "calgon take me away" a much needed outing. Thank you for the moments of peaceful escape you gave me this morning. Lora	2005-06-29 12:29:53
Passion's Mercy	Cindy D. Clayton	Cindy, What eloquent words, great structure. Your imagery stirs the fires that lie within, shoot I'm going to need a cold shower. What love, what depth of passion, the intensity of words deliver a powerful punch, only the coldest hearts would not be melted by this torrid poem. Eyes that pierce me as swords = what a feeling this is, it just send shivers up and down the spine Lips surfacing passion from within Ears that listen, hearing all words = one can just picture lips that are moist and feverish, and ears that listen tells of how heightened ones senses become, awake/alive Give me my sin again." = and in the finali, ones desire to repeat the experience again....very powerful Hope to hear alot more from you, this was a unique experience and well worth the journey, thank you. Lora	2005-06-28 10:53:49
Tonight	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, Short but sweet, and oh how powerful. I've always liked these type of poems, they speak volumns about the person writing and about the one they were written for or about. The line, YOU ARE, always gets me, because I want to know what the writer thinks the subject is and IN SKY AND SEA can only be a very cherished love one, for their essence is everywhere, all encompassing then you moved me to WIND SINGS YOUR ARIA OF LOVE how wonderful, surrounded by the love, it's sound that only two in love know and can hear, touch, feel, sense....... MY HEART SOARS, REMEMBERING YOU if only we all could have someone feel that way about us, this bespeaks of an undying great love and to close TONIGHT to me the way you used it, is not just one night but all nights, now and always. Wonderful, great structure, flows easily, and oh so romantic that I almost envy you, such passion, such love. Lora	2005-06-27 23:34:07
happiness	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Had to go through and read this a couple of times to really get a feel for what you were saying. I believe in line two you have a typo, shich=which, took me a moment to figure out but then I had little ones under foot so they did distract me. OK, now I have the quiet time I need to further look at this offering. I liked the thoughts you've place here. The structure is good, however, might I suggest the use of some punctuation when there are more than one adverbs (I think that is gramatically correct) together, such as: past present and future = past, present and future.... some of the places where you would pause in the sentence, would help the reader like me a bit. It read well, but I found I was a bit distracted by deciding for myself where there were to be pauses, then of course if that was your intent....just a suggestion. Good piece and and apt discrition of happiness. Lora	2005-06-26 23:42:25
The Dream	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, This is great, flows well, like the rhythmn, the words are just right-not overly discriptive, and your transition between what once was and what is now, is very distinct. Bravo, an uplifted bit of spirit here, and a treasure. Hold the thought and feeling, you are starting to fly. Lora	2005-06-26 23:22:55
Pablo’s daughter	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, Quite an indepth study, the wording so discritive and well placed, your thoughts quite clear. You took me all the way with you, a journey of indecission and yet in the final moment leaving that which is just as it is........WOW, you have said so much in such an unique way. I must now rethink how I deal with some of my subjects in both my art and writing, never looked at the way you have portrayed an object but you have given me a new way to view, a more possibly responsible way. Thank you so much for this well structured glimpse into the heart and soul of those who create. Lora	2005-06-26 23:19:09
These Eyes	Donna Carter Soles	Donna, Well structures and just the right wording. As the thought pattern moves to a different elevation in intensity you have taken this reader along with a heightening of emotions. Yes, I too would rage and never quite knowing what is truth or lies is a horrendus mind pit. Literally or figuratively "blind eyes" is a most frustratingly angry place to be. These words carry double meaning to me, both physically and emotionaly. Your offering is very deep and I know I will ponder your words further. Thank you, this is like a wake up call, and even if the eyes refuse or can not see; the ears and heart have heard you. Lora	2005-06-26 23:12:56
Cat Lovers.........HELP	Claire H. Currier	Claire, This just great, especially how you moved from sequence to sequence, not skippin a beat or loosing a thought. All questions answered, and the subject matter, well---did you do a "freaky Friday' and switch places with snowball? I thouroughly enjoyed this offering, it is nice to leave the norm and see that even our animal friends have as many ups and downs as we do. Your discriptions are right on, very colorful and you have definately captured the attitudes that must have accompanied your friends. Thanks for this delight. Lora	2005-06-25 16:27:45
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