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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jane A Day	Critique Date
Search and Seizure in the Ache of Day	Rachel F. Spinoza	Dear Rach, You aren't talking about me in the title are you? Search and Seizure in the Ache of Day They are dreaming (somehow I need this they more defined) in the peeling hallway hidden behind beams, dizzy with designing philodendron, Persian rugs, distressed oak. The man and women whisper in quick breaths while the motivated agent sweats in the aqua kitchen hot in her silk-lined blazer hot from hammering repossession signs and gloomy salesmen The manicured man bends his stiff suit picks up something shining – a diamond – fallen from the head of a unicorn – a diamond set in pink feathers and soiled dreams Phantom wings open bare cupboards something is singing perhaps it is a hinge in the vacant vestibule or the mangy calico kitten (poor kitty--even I how am a sucker for kitties think this is a tad too much somehow) left in the abandoned cellar without papers. I am intrigued by this poem sensing somehow it is about immigration. But I would like to feel this poem more, be immersed in it rather than an observer of anger and violation. Love Ms. Day	2004-03-25 13:58:47
Haiku	Andrea M. Taylor	Dear Andrea, There is something very seductive in your first line. Maybe is the multiple syllables at the front of the line and the stucco dance ant the end or the fact that we think Robin and then we get blooming tree. I love the body metaphor that continues with crocus cheek. I wonder if some how you could continue that imagery and be as concrete in the past line as well keeping the meaning up upping the impact of the language. Thanks! Jane	2004-03-25 13:54:57
Senryu 154	Michael J. Cluff	Dear Mike, Wonderful painting of a scene. I like the moderness of crows at a window. The absurdity of a doughnut on the inside ledge of the window. I am not a huge ecru fan and it seems out of tone. The last line is to die for. In those slick black feathers anger is loud and lush. OOOOOOO so good. Jane	2004-03-22 17:45:40
Political Senryu 4	Michael J. Cluff	Dear Mike, I think it would be very interesting to do a series of Spoon Rive type poems on Fontana. Thanks for sharing your reflections, Jane	2004-03-22 17:29:05
Undone's Mind	Cathy Hill Cook	Dear Cathy, I really like the name of the characters in this poem: Gush, Fried Beyond Season, Commotion, Notion, Undone, and Mad. I wish the poem was a lot longer so we could follow their adventures. Maybe a series of poem? Very fun rhymes and I very much like the rhythm as well. I also would like a little more concrete setting (an office) and details (descriptions) to really enforce the absurdity. Thanks so much, Jane	2004-03-22 17:26:25
Night Train	Emma Quinn	Dear Emma, Welcome to the Link! It is so wonderful to have new voices. This is an amazing poem. The allteration is matches the varying tones of the train as it rides the night. I love the commands at the end of the poem "breathe slow" that draw the reader in intimate relation with the poem. The title sings of Coltrane or the blues of Midnight trains to Georgia. Great verbs. This poem will stay with me in its blood deep tattoo next time I hear a train whistle. Jane A Day	2004-03-15 20:17:29
Watermarks	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, I love the title and love the narrative of this poem. Ilove each detail of time and space and person. But I have to say the line breaks drive me a bit batty. I love meaning in each line. The breaks at from and his. Waaah. I actually think at its heart this is a long lined poem where we sit with each unraveling. You say this was a response to a challenge. You wrote a lovely poem. Jane	2003-11-20 14:38:50
Soul Unattended	Annette L Cowling	Dear Annette, Wow. You sing girl! Very very powerful. I love your animation of the pine cones and the poignant but telling images of who the speaker is. The moonbeam image is less effective because all the others are so original--although I love the m sounds in that stanza. I love the declaration at the second to last. I think the last line and the title are not needed. Something like Unattended would work of the title. The soul is so clear it doesn't need to be said. Thanks, Jane	2003-11-20 14:19:29
The Boarder	Annette L Cowling	Dear Annette, This is a lovely prose poem. Thank you for sharing. I love the last stanza. The image of the streaking chalk is striking and I shall carry it with me through the rainstorm that is baring down on me even now. I shall look down as I walk the neighborhood to see if any childhood or hope is being washed away. The open reads a little like a the tone of the Awakening by Kate Chopin. A lot of drama. I feel cold and shut out a bit. I wonder what would happen if you moved the poem into the first person and gave use a hint at the language of the boarder vs the speaker through a glance at one of his stories. I sense a lot in this poem and wouldn't mind staying with them longer. Thanks again, Jane	2003-11-20 14:11:00
Finding Hope	Rick Barnes	Dear Rick-- Ohhhhhh. So good. I love the dour and scientific tones here (configured, fractal, Dormant) and then contrasted with the fragile language of hope. I also enjoy the sense of time in this poem of after the harvest. And the alliteration is nicely done in hold the heavy. Great little touches everywhere. This is an image poets have thought on endlessly but still it is one I always love to return to. Thanks! Jane PS. You line This is what hope looks like, is so solid and emotive. I am not sure such a telling title is needed. Then that line really rings as a surprise.	2003-11-20 14:05:08
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	Dear Sandra, I really like this narrative that turns surreal and yet real for the pinch. I see in the end a love one dying and taking all his stories with him. I love the turn for the third person to the I to the we. Great images of his disappearance. I wonder if the language of the upper section could be richer--more inviting--by adding snippets--just playful peeks--of what is being erased. That would balance the language of me. Thank you so much, Jane	2003-11-20 13:59:50
Border Clash	Thomas Edward Wright	Dear Thomas, So much of this poem is magnificent--it steals my breath. (Under the careful eye of the Hawk)I think here of Hawk as in Bush but I see the rabbit running though the field as the double. Northward we run Through and away from Fast and sleek in the Maroon coupe - (I see us fleeing to Canada, fleeing slavery--I see the car and am never quite sure what to make of it except the time period is now) The stark black earth, naked, somber as Wild turkeys stalk row upon row of once tall corn Past the last half acre of brown beans Over a modest river bridged long ago Iowa, your silo studded horizon mesmerizes While November, hung-over Pregnant with her first snow, threatens. On toward home. How fine, how proud, how safe that first broad lake This shallow valley, her wooded hills make us feel. The shame, with the cloud deck, lifts slightly. (All this so wonderful so precise--I can feel the cold burn my teeth) Gold scarves wave to an old wind, an old friend. (I don't get the allusion to gold scarves) The blood of war dries slowly. (a wonderful clear turn in the poem) Scars repair; yet remain and remind (I love the feeling here but have seen this image so often and what has gone before is mesmerizing. I wonder if another image can shimmy better?) Thanks for this gift, Jane	2003-11-20 13:56:15
Birth Right	Ken Dauth	Dear Ken, This is an intriguing poem to me. I love the turn of phrase scripted nobility. I like the internal thoughts and reflection here. I am not sure where to ground the poem. Germany? America, presently? I like the details of the sandy outline. Those mixture of thought and physical detail really enrich the poem. I would be more compelled I think if the poem hinted at a time and place--a single voice singing--or else it seems polemic and really I get hints of deep personal feeling here. Thank so much, Jane	2003-11-20 13:41:48
japanese verse 29 (Breeze)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear E, I wonder what kind of woods are these? Evergreens? Banyan trees? Elms? Ceder? I think if the oak leaves would turn pleasure then that last line would really sing its bliss. The metaphir is a bit strong with giggle and I miss getting an exact look at the woods to think about. I like this catarogizing of the breeze as light hearted. Thanks as always, Jane	2003-11-06 13:22:56
Dewdrop	Donna L. Dean	Dear Donna, I like the thin line of this poem-like the falling dew sliding down a blade of grass. I like how we follow the dewdrop with the speaker from the tree to the grass. you have realy caputred the beauty of dew as it becomes and unbecomes in the lovely simple langauge of this poem. Sometimes, the "its" are placed a little close for sound and the eye. I very much enjoyed this welcoming event. Jane	2003-11-06 13:19:32
Role Model	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, Here at the end of the month, I am just trying to get a peek at all the poems that were too popular for me to get a nice long look at earlier. this is a fierce picture. I love it. Spent flowers bent in mourning ricocheted off the porch, pots tumbling-- no posture of sturdiness left in them. So goooooooooooooooooooooood. I wasn't sure of the two word lines in the first stanza but this stanza really works. How free those fierce gestures, the giving up of what has been and leaning into what comes next. I love this stanza too but I am not sure what fierce gestures refres too--spider? flower? pot? And then the spider. Love it. Jane	2003-11-04 21:14:37
Sweet, Sweet Music (II)	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, I very much enjoy the tribute. I wish just a bit more time with each voice, each song, so I can get the full homage rather than a listing. You do a good job caputing the beat and twang of the music and I just want you to play more in the possiblities of each unique shimmy. There is more opputrnity for play here. I really enjoy the tour. Thanks as always, Jane	2003-11-04 21:08:43
japanese verse 27 (Will)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear E, I like the play with rhyme in this haiku. I want you to startle us in this last line--know no boundies is a bit of a cliche--maybe turn suddenly to a natural image you do so well. So, then we can think on ourselves in nature. Thanks as always, Jane	2003-11-03 11:29:50
Two Diamantes	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, My comments here are more about the form than the poem. Dan wacked me in for saying very little about his poem. For me, this is a great expercise like doing scales on the piano. I think it really tunes up the poetic mind. However, I think the poem would have to be beyond good to really stick with me over time. The things compared so diverse and stunning. I love especailly your verbs. I think much of the power of any poem rests (or moves) in its verbs. Thanks for sharing and engaging in this form, Jane	2003-11-03 11:26:47
Cycles (Diamante)	Dan D Lavigne	Dear Dan, I love the waxing waning lines. Its fun the way this form pushes the poet. Very clever. Jane	2003-10-28 12:52:30
Kite	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Dear Jordan, The play with the words flying colors is clever as to come through with flying colors. I wonder what kites had to do with this expression. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-10-28 12:50:37
Drought	marilyn terwilleger	Dear Marilyn, I have been admiring this poem all month. It is such a painting of a poem. And the alliteration is lovely. It is quite dramatic but how can you not be dramatic about a scene like this? At the end, I have a urge to have the poem turn to the human, aknowledge the human that judges the scene--but I think we know she is there. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-10-28 12:48:25
R&R	Jeff Green	Dear Jeff, For reasons that are beyond me this poem is both very sad and very funny to me. Irony, I know is a foot. I tend to think irony is hilarious but this isn't that kind of irony. I love juxpostion of the modern deckchair and the ancient world Euphartes so gaurded by our jr high text books. The entry of women in the this mostly wmasucline scene of war is startling. It will definately make my best list. Thanks for sharing. J	2003-10-23 20:53:49
Hymn to Autumn	Rachel F. Spinoza	Dear Rachel, I love the disclaimer so we will not heap sympathy upon you. LOL. A friend of mine just turned 59 (Marsha). Personnaly I thinks looks HOT. She where great bright colors (the other day a bright blue) and has the lovely laugh lines of a well lived life. Anyway, she was remarking that when people call the news is of poor health and death. Its engulfing her a bit. I am in the baby and divorce stage myself. Ill health tends to be staged in a battle which is won and also lose. Anyway.... On a very personal and not very relvant note that has nothing to do with your truly lovely poem (can you tell I do not want to grade the papers in front of me? The sectoion of the prompt that asked my students to evaulated seems beyond thier notice lol.) I think it is a real pity that Autumn is associated with death. It is also the time of the harvest, of bounty. Anyway... to your lovely hymn.. a : a song of praise to God b : a metrical composition adapted for singing in a religious service 2 : a song of praise or joy Nestled in eiderdown, (such a lovely word and brings in the cold of the season) Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame (Sans? seems out of tone as does rancor--maybe I just don't like the sounds of rancor) Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen (so niccce--jealous) Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain (just love these metaphors) Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh so good. This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone Great ending. Thanks so much Jane!	2003-10-23 20:50:53
From Night to Morning	marilyn terwilleger	Dear Marilyn, You are doing such nice things with the images of the natural this month. So, the glaxay is the Moon's soft hands? I like that imageso f softness. The gases in the distance always seem soft and billowy to me. I like the idea of star path and giving glimmer. I would love to give something glimmer. Mountaintops sun's zenith--this line is a bit awkward in the mouth--I know what you are saying but my tongue trips.. I would love you to give the sun its equal time or its own poem. Well done, J	2003-10-23 19:42:00
Colors of Aah!	Donna L. Dean	Dear Donna, Is this a rewrite? I remember quite clearly the image of the olive oil. All that I said before is still true. The change to the orange is more startling. Pumpkins might stay in the softer tone of the poem more than jack-o-lanterns. I love the fall you have captured here. Thanks again, Jane	2003-10-23 19:37:28
I Ought to Autumn	Donna L. Dean	Dear Donna, I Ought to Autumn Intriguing title. I am not sure what quite to make of it. Autumn becomes a verb--somthing we do and this title somthing we ought to do. So much time into the calendar soon the straw colored light will be white. Time to start something new before the frost sets in. I love the image of the first staza. I can see it so clear. The hay color of havest. I would like to start with the immedicany ofSoon the straw colored light and leave the abstrat of calanders behind. Remembrances of long walks and echoes of voices and trails walked on before. Time is moving on as Autumn, the weight is heavy. Lovely--you bring in the sound here. Bared by straw colored light strong limbs with twigs, upon which birds sit in oak and spruce. I love the light as actor here. It has been many years since a flame. The horizon of lavender and yellow streaks the sky with new possibilities to ignite. I hear I assumer there has been a fire and now this sun rising or setting remembers the possiblities. As the rain drops on dead grass and crisp leaves, new sounds and senses are stirring and my mind is yearning. Nice interalization of the season. The cliche--"nothing ventured nothing gained", picks up with the wind which blows hard right about now. I should accept his invitation to go out let my defenses fall as the leaves brown and golden. I love this merging with nature. Lovely. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-10-17 15:15:15
japanese verse 28 (Rose)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear E, This is lovely. The scond line is wonderful. Great metaphor. Somehow I want to avoid naming it like wine or change the last line so it doesn't push the metaphor to the breacking pointing. I want to savor the image of the rose this way. Thanks as always, E	2003-10-16 12:40:17
a curious merriment	Rachel F. Spinoza	Dear Rachel, I like this portrait very much. The images of the first stanza are compelling. she could be blithe (old fashioned word-I love it-I wonder if you could give an example of this action. in a hospice stinking (here I think borth here and the hopice stink--so I think she is the one who is sick with gardenias I love the images but I ge a little confused) could liven an interment (I think Japanesse interment just to let you know at first lol) make the priest chortle at the urn and the mourners hurt themselves (enjamabement works wonderfully here making them mourns the objest and then the subject) to keep from laughing out loud The second stanza is maybe my favortie becausey ou give her a voice of her own rather than making her an object. I might suggest starting with this stanza--empowering her. it seems unseemly, she said, to cower completely (nice alliteration) to grief while the meadow is, after all, alive in its own juices and it is still summer enough to swim Lovely natural images but telling and orgnial In the third stanza, I am curious why the I enteres in? What is the I's role? Fear or hope to become her? If so this realtionship might need another stanza to explore it. I wonder if the word irrevant can be embedded in the poem rther than named. The personfication of emotion here is lovely. i guess that seemed irreverent so she stopped being invited to bedsides and funerals but she dressed as a clown and went anyway until the cops came and dragged her away spilling joy in the foyer trickling mirth on the stairs There is alot to dream on here. Thank you, Jane	2003-10-16 12:26:39
Splendor in the Pages of a Book	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, This is a fun dance in honor of your grandfather and in honor of words. It is playful and use twist of language like inolualtion. It maintains its candence engaging the listener with a childhood rhythm. Domains is a little strange on my ear. Thanks for the fun, Jane	2003-10-02 14:23:37
Sweet, Sweet Music	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, I love the bee bop of this poem. Some of the line breaks distract me and the enjambments seem a little off. go at at their on New I like each line to mean of itself. But overall it is my pleasure to read of singing ants and stones. I love the meter you have chosen as well. Jane	2003-10-02 14:19:18
When Small Frogs Seem to Disappear	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, I know this great short story by who I can't remember of these two frogs living in the sinks of a campground bathroom. Your poem puts instantly back inside that story with them peeping up from the drains. I love the physical movements captured in this poem. Anyone who has ever held a frog (I have held my share) can really feel the bop bop of the frog's snout and legs. While the prince reference brings a levity to the poem, I wonder if that allusion is so much a part of our cultural that you don't have to directly call it out but simply infer it with something like-- Should I kiss him? That would seem to give you more room for language play and keep the levity. Wondering in a poem is always a great move--it poems it up-- I wonder if there is a third thing he could be after the prince and before the announcer--something uniquely from your voice. Then to autumn. I think would really turn the poem and make it glimmer fully like the jewel it is. Thanks you so much, Jane	2003-10-02 14:10:42
Between the Wind and the Song of Calling Geese	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, I see the speaker here as very much a part of nature but longing to be even more embbedded. This is a lovely converstion with the creator and also such wonderful tribute to fall. And your images woo mama they are lushious. a wine-red and gold altar cloth I love the singlur line of your grace. I love the scientific mic of language (remainder frogs) with the more romantic imgages (Between the wind) Such graceful A poem to reread. Jane	2003-10-02 14:02:50
Translation	carole j mennie	Dear Carole, Having lost my mother and having turned to poetry to think through the complex emotion such a deather brings, I am always moved by poems that explore these questions with a care and attention to language. You have many lovely touches in the poem--Tiffany wings.green-leafed sanctuary. perfumed language, machine-clipped lawn. At times there is a ghost meter in the poem. I always like to play with my work. It might be interesting to put the in meter or in syllabics and see what new doors are opened. The title tells us how to read the poem. But who is translating who? Thanks so much for sharing, Jane	2003-10-01 10:37:43
Echoes From The Sea	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, I have read some Heaney and liked him well but never with the deep returning he breathes in you. You love him so well--I thought I should really revisit him. Stop by. : ) I found a nice website that has recordings of his work. He uses such a strech of language and I am always moved by his innerward voice that turns to look at the self as carefully as those without. He turns a poem on it head over and over. I love that. "Personal Helicon" is just a wonderful example of this and also an endearing exploration of why we write. Your poem caputes the hard syllable count of his work and the vibation of line endings. And of course your own voice rolls through. After the storm, winds scour the sky to lapis and along the shoreline, quiet voices of the dead blow out to sea. Ancient people believed that drowned souls lived on (do you need the that?) in seals and in this eldritch stretch of seascape, anything seems possible. Bruised moss on scattered stones marks the passage of others before me and I feel a need to follow the melody of souls (I am not sure you need "souls" here as something else might lead us to deeper detail) to the deep. Rising sea-sighs lure as surely as smells of sea asphodels. Soon I sense an increasing gravity I like very much the returning to the seals and the joy of your wading into language. Thanks again, Jane	2003-09-29 21:07:39
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, Here sits a wonderful Fall poem. I love the couplet of the pheasants so much I would want you to start with it. It is so exact. Then the rippling of the garden pond to give us a sense of the season. I like the ideas of the third stanza but all the other birds are so names these anonymous birds seem out of place. Shy doves? The loveliness of the poem resides in the color of each bird's feathers. Who is plucky? The next two stanza are so pretty and thoughtful. I love the warbler stealing the green from the trees. I like basking in this poem. Jane	2003-09-29 00:21:10
Hamburg Haiku	Michael J. Cluff	Dear Micheal, The trilling here matches the noise of the train arriving. I wish the third stanza could somehow echo this warning mourning sound too. Always a pleasure, Jane	2003-09-29 00:13:56
japanese verse 26 (Camel)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Erzahl, This is just lovely. Being from the dessert, I am not thrilled with the idea of "barren" but ; ) I love how you have made home carry the hills. Even without the title, I would know. so good. Jane	2003-09-29 00:11:35
Lunar Spoofs	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, And finnaly, I get to a Joanne poem!!! I like very much what you are doing here with the phases of the moon. New moon wearing your veil to stir oyster beds, rouse your sea children from sleep I love ther personfication here. I can really see her reaching down. I like also seeing pearls as little moons in the sea. Crescent moon slice pieces of night, cut silver slivers for ghost trees to devour. I like the idea you capture here that the moon can be hidden behind the scrawniest of trees. Silver slivers is a bit hard on my ear. Half and half moon-- make up your mind-- are you in or out of the mood tonight? The word play here is fun. First I think of fake cream and then Moon moodiness. Three-quarter moon busy with laundry, pinning up sheets rinsed in your next-to-last spin Coming into this section we still have the images of white--sheets in the wind--but now the moon is more domestic female. Full moon -- oh! Renounce your changeling sisters for fooling us with put-on phases. As the title, hints this is fun. I always like your short or long lines but because you are bound to this waxing and waning structure. I have this aching desire for you to really "go off". Really meditate. It is not needed really but I do see that oppurtunity in this poem. I love oppertunity. Myself started to obbessed on who that darn Moon Goddess was found this website. I don't think any of these ladies is at all needed in your poem but I could resist sharing. http://www.eternal-moon.org/goddess.html	2003-09-29 00:09:06
Haiku - untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Dear Andrea, Thanks so much. Abound is such a lovely and fun word. Jane	2003-09-28 23:55:47
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Dear Andrea, Maybe Caterpillar(s) walk I just love dijointed ripples. Its so great. Onward is a little off to me and because the haiky is so charming I want mroe from that last line. Thank you so much for this image. Jane	2003-09-25 17:35:29
Untitled	Claire H. Currier	Dear Claire, The opening lines are a lovely contemplation When wrinkles are joined Your eyes still shining brightly Think if the last lone returned to a concrete natural image rather that abstract ideas you would have a real gem here. what image can capture you ideas? Jane	2003-09-25 17:28:26
Tempest Fugue	Rachel F. Spinoza	Dear Rachel, Oh, Mermaid! Splat! sure does add a silliness to this poem. Hee. I will carry you ashore, resuscitate you, until you undulate in sea rhythms and become salted to my taste So sexy. A very fun poem. I hear a husky voice. Jane	2003-09-25 17:23:00
Perfumery (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Dear C, Skunk? I love the skunk. I like the use of the mild gaze. Odorifious, while funny, sees a little wieghy for the sweet pawed guy. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-09-24 21:47:07
A Theory of Composition	C Arrownut	Dear C, Poems like this are challenging. One of the challenge sis to go beyond the mechanics of the form. That is the challenge of all formal work be it a sonnet or a piece using a form such as this. The drumming of the fingers is a nice rhyme and "gluing" device for the poem. I also like the engagement with language in the following lines. The wall's freckled The wall's creamed Um de dum de dum Up's blanched Down's mud Um de dum I wish for a little more this language play. Opening with Connery gives the poem a dry, arched humor. I would like the end of the poem to return to this kind of play. It hints at it. Poets secretly and un secretly love science and scientists secretly and un secretly love poetry. Both capture minute observations of the world. Also, so much of each is about the invention of language or precise language. Jorie Graham being deeply in the questions of physics in her book "Dream of the United Field" Thanks for sharing, Jane	2003-09-24 21:13:56
The Wall	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle. These lines are so good. The rest of the lines are not as tight or as riveting. I wonder by using the rhythm and direction of these lines as a guide, if you could use them to continue this great idea you start here. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-09-24 21:00:43
Silhouette	Andrea M. Taylor	Dear Andrea, You open iwth a nice image. We have seen this tree before but what will you do with it. The next line or thought has been examined many times? What else could you say that would show us the tree's wisdon and let us see the world anew? Thanks so much, Jane	2003-09-24 20:57:30
Leaping Lizard	marilyn terwilleger	Dear Marilyn, I wonder if there is another more tangible word that would imply psychotic giving the reader more room to really see you lizard. Then, the landing in the same place is a fun and thoughtful ending. Jane	2003-09-24 20:54:38
Eagles (Tanka)	carole j mennie	C, The opening is lovely to mediate on. I like the play of pinion and opinion very much. I like the inside view of what eagles do. The young brave and the shriveled hand in the next section allude me somehow. What makes a brave old? Why does his hand grow old. Book reading instead of sky reading, I see. Interesting that both of the eagles here are male. Thanks so much, Jane	2003-09-24 20:49:48
Traffic Light	C Arrownut	C, I think the poem could be strengthened if you kept it as a straight metaphor and left out the like of simile.--like a traffic light of insanity.-- I think you can show the reader this connection better. I am unclear on "insanity" and exactly what that means through out the poem. Could you gives some concrete language. The opening image is engaging but I then get lost about what is being compared. Thanks so much for sharing, J	2003-09-24 20:44:38
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