Paul H. Roefs's E-Mail Address: clearview77@juno.com


Paul H. Roefs's Profile:
Music, art, writing, science and literature have long been a positive infuence in my life. I have particpated in all things beautiful, some in part. In reassessing my priorities, poetry has come forth in humility. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the ability to creat. I will try to learn and express the best in me. Paul

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Displaying Critiques 1 to 39 out of 39 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Paul H. RoefsCritique Date
Halloween Ogresmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn, This time the tears are from laughter. Your poem is just great. Don't get me wrong, 'cause I was plenty scared while I was reading, but you have a wonderful unique way with word choice that I was laughing at your great choices. Nicely done, poet. You never cease to amaze me with your writing. Your work is so very enjoyable,. Thanks again for This one. Bless you. Love , Paul Boooooooooooooooo!!2007-10-31 03:07:26
the sackmancharles r pittsCharles, Great job on this wonderful frightening poem. The structure, rhyme scheme and wonderful imagery makes this a delightful work of art. The read is smooth as the skin of a silk rose pedal. Your choice of words throughout draws one into the mind-set of a child having to go it alone when he is certain the devil, gobulins and that killer, Sackman is going to get him for sure. I was taken back to my childhood days as though it was yesterday. I remember when I had to walk past an old church graveyard on my way home from Grandma's. How my blood would curdle and shivers went up my spine, whenever I stay to late on a Saturday evening. I find nothing for this poem and poet but praise in this critique.. Thank you for posting your poem. My best to you and I will read more of your poetry, Paul2007-10-31 02:52:06
Forget Me NotRene L BennettRene', This reads was so wonderful, your words filled with meaning and love. The endearment of times with those we love most are gently and lovingly placed in a resting aside to be revisited from time to time. Those mementos that bring clarity to mind of a moments, a places, or a visions to be remembered. I love this poem because it bring joy to me too, whenever I revisit the loving memories of time past, reaffirming their immortality. Best you for sharing your thoughts. With love, Paul2007-10-29 20:19:35
ALL HALLOWS EVEPaul R LindenmeyerPaul, It is nice to see a new poet on PTL, or I do not remember reading one of your poems. I take great pride in critiquing poet's with my name sake. Great poem and it read very nicely. I love your choice of words and your narrative. I was laughing throughout the read ,because brought me back to my childhood days when HALLOWEEN EVE was a special time. Not only for the hope of collecting all kinds of goodies to eat late that night and for days after, but because of the spooky excitement. I have to share a moment with you, back then I was the second oldest of 7 children and my age as about 9 years. I slept in a bedroom with 4 brothers and one Halloween Eve after our "trick, or treating" was over. We went to bed happy and excited, each with our treasured sack of candies, cookies, fruit and some money, we could not wait to get to our bedroom to rummage through our bags of goodies. Mom would remind us not to eat too much candy and get sick. Lights out and the munching and crunching started along with each person telling his best Halloween Tale of spooks and goblins. Each tales generated more fear and noise among us. Dad would come to the staircase and yell" go to sleep and I don't to hear one more peep out of anyone." So, we tried to go to sleep. I lowered my cover and starred into the darkened room and I let out a scream. Everyone wanted to know what I was screaming about, Look at the door way Here come a big white ghost, and he's going to kill us all. They all looked and visualized to same white-Ghost. We all scream at the top of our lungs and of course that brought both, Mom and Dad to our bedroom. When they turned on the light we all sighed with relief, because what we have visioned as a ghost, was nothing but the white laundry bag hanging on the back of the door. The End !!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I have a found a few typos: 2nd Stanza, 1st line; " I'm not ascared...." I don't believe ascared is a word, may a slang word? Should be, afraid, or scared. 3nd Stanza, 2nd line, "....ask with much ado." The word adieu, means goodbye, or farewell. I think you should replace that word with, ado ( ado, on the other hand means; with fuss, bustle, or activity) 6th Stanza, 3rd line; "You reall think some lights and bells......." You mean, " You really think some lights and bells...... instead of "reall".? You have done a very nice job and I will be looking forward to reading more of your poetry. Best to you, Paul ( Roefs )2007-10-18 03:56:48
Moving TimeDellena RovitoDellena, I've been looking for your poetry an here you are with these clever words on time. I love what you have done here and it is so true how one can procrastinate the moment until it is gone. I wrote a poem on time in July 2004, "Precious Time" you might enjoy it. One can not retrieve lost time, it is lost forever. How foolishly we squander our time, particularly when all we are given is one billion ticks of the clock to live. You ask the question, "but to where ......?" We should all try to answer this poignant question. Thank you for reminding me. Your words reflect your hard work in layout and writing this poem. You drawn the reader's attention to your purpose and your words are appropriate to your theme. Nice job. My very best to you. With love , Paul2007-10-18 02:47:12
Hopless Light (Rime Royal)marilyn terwillegerMarilyn, I have never seen this a rhyme scheme before and I find it very nice to read. Your imagery is great. I can see her there waiting for his return. Each day of waiting brings less hope of that moment at which they would be reunited.. I want to thank you for your description of the the rhyme scheme. Perhaps I may try to write a poem in the format. Thank you for your poem and for the wonderful metaphors used throughout this writing. God bless you, Paul 2007-10-17 00:39:55
First LightMary J CoffmanMary, You are my favorite romantic lady of poetry. Your terrific imagery of the love entangled, transitory romantic moments,. without a doubt ,superb. Thank you for keeping me filled with the enjoyment of your lovely thoughts and your mastery of the corresponding verbiage. If I were to select my favorite stanza it would be, "a comradely crocus shepherds its chatoyant silk salutation skyward." Thank you for your lovely words. Great job. Bless you. With love, Paul2007-10-16 03:37:12
Life's WindowNaome JamesNaome, This is a wonderful writing and you have guided your pen in a most skillful manner. I like the theme and you have written each stanza so as to bring your reader smoothly the the poem's conclusion. Not being familar with this style, sistina, I can not comment, except to say that I don't think I could do it. Thank you for bring the style to PTL , because that is how we learn from our fellow poets. Very Good poetry, with wonderful imagery. This stanza is my favorite, "Then I wonder what the ever after will bring when my time here has ended and my soul has drifted through my blemished window and fluttered on the whispers of the wind. Silently, as the hours tick on the watch of father time, I reflect on my life’s content." Thanks again. Best to you. With love, Paul 2007-10-16 03:13:41
The Real MeRene L BennettRene, Thank you for your revealing your sad, tormented soul of despair, as I weep for your sweet struggling heart. Your imagery in just great and the words carry the reader into sense of pathos and desire to understand and see you free this heavy wrenching pain that haunts you. Never letting go through the day and into the lonely nights. I often wonder how many precious tears are required to flush away ones. I wrote a poem titled, "Words Are The Mortar of life," but it is not only words that crush the beauty and spirit, deeds and events that rob us of who we are and our pursuit of happiness, that impact the more measurable harm. Recovery is slow and difficult at best and only the harmed know the whole truth. The doubts prevails and can rip you apart , just when the surf seems calm and the storm looks less threatening. To sleep and dream of happy moment again. A simple request comes very seldom. Your courage show in every word you write and we many never see the real you as you said, "You'll never see the real person trapped in me." This is so true, but I want you to know, I believe in you and in your destiny to win over all your adversity. Thank you for sharing. Good poem and very a great job. God bless. With love, Paul 2007-10-15 19:12:16
BeachedMary J CoffmanOct 2007; " Beached" Mary J. Coffman Mary, Wow, that was a wonderful ride on the waves of passion. How lovely you have brought this reader through a memory of love and seduction. This is a great read, like a summer's breeze. I like the use of script font, it gives a nice touch to this poem. (PTL showed the text too small type) This interlude was done with excellent imagery. Love is so wonderful and the memories last forever. Thank you. With love, Paul2007-10-05 04:54:02
Alone In A CrowdRene L BennettCritique , " Alone In A Crowd": Oct 5, 2007 Rene', You've got me crying again with your words of truth and reflection of those who have not learned how to bring comfort and compassion to others, specialty their friends. I am saddened by the empty words our friends regurgitate, when all we need at this most devastating time in your life, is love, kindness, someone t listen to you with understanding. Before I go on, I want you to know that through my tears I read you're your words so well written, with very deep insight and emotions. Your imagery is appropriate to your theme and I love your staggered rhyme scheme. Your poem is a message to perhaps get people to look at how the react to those in difficult times, struggling with heart breaking feelings. I ask myself during times of despair, why are my friends and love ones avoiding me and why can't they show me some attempt at understand my pain. Rene' you have so very much to offer the world, because you understand the mortal pain place at your door, that which the black wreath of death hath wrought. If I only new the words for you, the words of everlasting love and kindness; I would say that it is your great love of family and theirs for you, that will change your losses into eternal triumphs. Because of what you are you will feel better in time. I feel that there are so few people who love deeply, honestly, faithfully and unconditionally, a person such as you, who feels the meaning of life in your relationships with others. Their loss brings a powerful and meaningful tare in the mind, heart and deep fibers of ones being. Regaining our sense of well being is difficult at best. I am not trying to explain away your pain, for that would be very unkind of me, but I want you to know that I care and I am listening to your words through your poetry. As a friend, I want you to know that I care very much how you become stronger in dealing with your life. I will continue to read and comment on your work and I will walk with you spiritually in prayer. Thanks again for another great work. God bless you. With love, Paul 2007-10-05 04:22:25
Friday Night at the PubMichael BirdOct. 4, 2007 "Friday Night At The Pub" Michael, I really do not know what I want to say about this poem of yours. Strange theme for starters. I believe you could do a better job of selecting a theme to write about. You have painted vivid images of the weekly bar scene, that chronicle the after work place of drink and chat just about anywhere. I've been there and done that. I mean to say, your poem leaves me with little artistic stimulation, when it comes to its literary value. I believe the request was a song, or poem for them, not about them. It has the sounds and tone of British influence, are you an Englander? You have done a good job in writing the Friday night bar-diary, provoked by selfish friends. I challenge you to write me a poem that lives up to your skills as a poet, I will be looking for it soon. Best regards, Paul2007-10-04 18:21:50
MirageMary J CoffmanMary, You have done another fine job.. The imagery is excellent and you have written a wonderful poem the reads very nicely and leads the reader deeper into a hatred for this worm of manhood., a deceitful rat, who only deserves a woman's scorn and certainly not her virtue. We all know and hate this type of person and you painted a poem that reinforces these creeps and their misbehavior. It was not her passion to blame, because her intentions were truthful honorable, or she would not feel this wronged. Thanks again for the passionate view of the dangers of young love and its disdained effects on those involved. My favorite phase is; "I gradually run my finger around the rim of my glass (like I traced your lips before we kissed) salty; the taste of your name on my tongue I sip to wash its sharp sting from my lips and gulp down my virtue" Best you and love, Paul2007-10-04 05:28:35
CrescendoMary J CoffmanMary I really enjoyed every word, phase, metaphor and the great imagery here. Your excellent use of alliteration adds to the smooth read and to the enjoyment. I am an artist and ex-jazz musician and I am still a lover of jazz among other music. Your have paint with your words honor to Pablo Picasso Painting , The Three Musicians," added my pleasure. Thank you for a extremely well written poem and a great poem. Best you, Paul; a.k.a. Don Pablo2007-10-04 04:59:09
E. B.James C. HorakJames, This friend of yours is a particular individual, but I understand his purpose. People may not respect the beauty of his work and, or the coins themselves. To restore their beauty is a special need in some special and Eric is one of these people. I would liken Eric to the scientist whose works in detail and goes unnoticed. You are so very observant to see and to put your observations into poetry. The theme is well chosen and you have done a great job here. Thank you. Best to you, Paul2007-10-04 04:23:32
PiecesMary J CoffmanMary, In this poem you have chosen metaphors and superb imagery that bring the reader gradually along the writer's thoughtout your poem. It gave this reader to wonder have I tread this disdain path in foley, or was I of did I have better character. You have woven a tight net with words so very well taken and the read move soft and smooth over the mind of this reader. I must remark here, That I have become extremely fond of your poetry and look forward to your next writing. This in one of my favorite phases, "shattered shards of my soul cruelly cast away scattered upon the winds of lies" Thank you. God bless, with love, Paul 2007-10-04 03:53:55
Memories In A LocketRene L BennettRene', This is a wonderful piece of poetic craftsmanship and I am so pleased to have read it. Mothers are a special breed of person and we don't often see their expressive moments because they can be very personal and private for them and they do not always let us see them. This poem expresses such a moment and it is unfortunate that it came when she had so precious life left to share. The moment you have captured and shared with us is very generous of you. The imagery is beautifully laid out throughout your writing and it read softly and gentle as you carry the reader to the ending. You are so observant and I know your Mom it smile at you as she reads your words. God bless you. Love, Paul 2007-10-02 05:53:11
The soldiers guiltSonya stewartSonya, Your poem is well written and the imagery is very clear, but I am lost as to why you would so dishonor the many dead soldiers who may have come before your soldier's death, or there after. And what of such truths, or lies. were they really his. Perhaps the blame lies else where, he was just a soldier doing his duty as commanded regardless of his rank. Who placed this man on the battle field and armed to defend his countrymen? Are not they to blame? The bitter regrets of your soldier are to read your words chastising him. If I have miss interpreted your meaning that I stand corrected. I was a soldier and I have no miss giving regarding my service. Best to you. Paul 2007-10-01 22:33:19
RealityRene L BennettRene, You have done it again. You have written another wonderful poem and it is very moving in a sad way. I love the short lines with good rhythm and excellent rhyme. The imagery is very good and I like the way this poem move you along with a deeper and deeper understand of this person memories and their effect on an individual life and mind. The color and tone of your words are very appropriate to your theme and you transition of thought makes the read enlightening. When it seems that the best of your life has passed you by and you remain with the thoughts of that loss is a reality we face with loneliness and trepidation. Best you for you work. Love, Paul2007-10-01 22:10:25
The Great OnesDellena RovitoDellena, This is a wonderful tribute to the great Sequoia Trees and should be on a placard at the base of each tree, as a memoriam their beauty and to their preservation. You have created wonderful imagery with your excellent word choices. You have cover all aspects in which to view and enjoy their beauty and majesty I find little fault with your work, it is exquisitely written. The 5 stanza 2nd line; "a perimeter equal to its girth." Perimeter and girth in the same sentence appears as redundant, even though you use the word equal. Suggestion; a perimeter equal to its strength, , power, or longevity. Just a thinking out loud. I love you poem. Love, Paul 2007-10-01 21:41:16
Thought PushJames C. HorakJames, It is nice read another romantic's poetry. This is a lovely poem and I find no fault, except that I wish you had made it longer. There is very little that compromises beauty and the sea. Nice work. Reads nicely, with good rythme and your imagery is appropriate to the theme. Thanks, Best to you, Paul 2007-10-01 21:06:36
My GoodbyeDeniMari Z.DeniMari, I am over whelmed by what you have written and the sadness you have shared with these eloquent words. The first stanza prepares the reader that this dreaded experience is so powerful as to nearly destroy the author's life. I feel so very helpless with words to comfort you in your time of need, but the tears that are trickling down my cheek are for you, as I endeavor to critique you work. You have made me more alive by what you have written, because my losses seemed dwarfed by what I have read here. You are a person of great strength to endure such pain and be able to write about your most difficult life experience. Your line,"Oh God have mercy", wake me up, wake me up, turn back the clock." This line is very powerful. It reminds me of the biblical reference, "Father, take this cup from me." We all have to live through times of great heartache and no one escapes the pain and sorrow. Your extended family will hopefully fill the voids created by the loss of your Mom, Sister and your son. It is our faith the sustains us. The imagery and clarity of your words are in keeping with your theme. The cadence adds to a smooth read and each line draws the reader into your thoughts. Thank you for posting your poem and I am very pleased to see you are writing again. God bless you and yours, Paul, a.k.a. DonPablo2007-09-18 04:08:58
With MeRene L BennettRene', I am so very sorry about losing the critique I had written on your poem, "Death." When I was cutting and pasting for the purpose of spell checking what I had written The website entered a "No Critique" as though I had SKIPPED the critique. I am going to enter the critique here for your perusal. Critique, "Death" 9-15-07 Rene, The imagery throughout your poem is remarkable and the read is very smooth. The clarity in each stanza move the reader to a full understand of the unfortunate and untimely loses your har endured. I am so sorry for you having to live through such devastating heartbreak. Thank you for sharing this deep personal feelings. Although I have lost some very dear friends recently and I too feel pain, but they do not compare to your pain. I have every good feeling that you will not be next, because you have wonderful poetry to write for us here at PTL. And I for one, will be looking forward to reading and enjoying your poetry. My very best to you, Paul >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Rene', Thank you for posting this lovely tribute to your husband. You have done a beautiful job writing this poem.It is intimate and thoughtful and show how very close you both were and still are, as the reader moves from line to line. Thank you very much for posting this poem. The rhythm is great, but the meter is a little inconsistent. My very best to you, Paul2007-09-15 18:00:28
A Flower and Music Festivalmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn, It always a privilege to read your poetry. This poem is very lovely, excellent imagery and rhythm.The theme is maintained throughout the poem. My favorite line is, "while blue bells sway like tips of crested seas." I like your poem very much, but I am confounded by a few of your lines: 1st Stanza, 4th line: "with color whorls like silky ribbons gleam." I do not understand this line. Even if "Whorl," was to be color whirl. I do not see how this connects with " silky ribbons gleam." 3rd Stanza, 4th line: "like vestals stand the tulips swell with pride." Vestals, refers to the Rome goddess of health characteristic of the "Vestal Virgin. If this is a metaphoric expression,I have difficulty with the meaning of this line. Thank you for posting this poem. My best to you, Paul, a.k.a. Donpablo 2007-09-12 05:59:40
Winds of ChangeMichael BirdMichael, Your poem reads with clear imagery and stimulates a provocative realisation of the most profound nature of love and life. That is to says, they are constantly changing and it is our hope that those vasilations are more to our liking , than not. Ever seaching for answers. Throughout our searching we find calm and sometimes peace. And sometimes we get only one chance, as you wrote, " never passing the same way twice. I like you poem. My only suggestion would be for you to consider lengthening your poem.......I want more. Thanks you, My best, Paul 2007-09-10 02:04:07
The Departure of the Fishing Boats From JoppaKenneth R. PattonKenneth, Thank you for posting this lovely poem by your Great-Grandfather. The imagery and metaphoric expressions are excellent. The fisherman, a time honored livelyhood and a great theme for poetry for generations. You do not have to be a fisherman to enjoy these words, but having been a fisherman all my life gives me a special pride of association. I am glad I had a chance to read this poem, for the joy it has brought me. Thank you, Paul2007-09-10 01:34:13
Release MeRene L BennettRene, Your poem is very courageos,sad and very well written. I know of what you speak, the screams, voices that try to rule, the pain that drives you to utter fatigue, the absence of tender feelings, and it all never ends. I use to pray for sleep to come, at last a moment of peace. I walked alone in my hell, with no hope. 15 years of my life But, I made it and I have been out of that hell for 22 years. Your will servive and you will be okay. I'm not going to offer any out-house psychology, but what you have written tells me you understand the situation. Keep writing. My love, Paul2007-09-04 04:27:18
PossibilityThomas H. SmihulaThomas, Very nicely written and as clear as an autum eve. I remember that image,I remember that hope and I often cried. Tears have a way of cleansing the windows of both the heart and mind. The imagery in your poem says it all. The read is as smooth as a double barrel bourbon. My only comment is, I don't think you need the last line, because your poem is very clear without defining it. My best to you, Paul2007-09-02 04:11:26
Before I Sleep....Mary J CoffmanMary, This is a lovely poem. I love the way in which you bring th reader deeply into your thoughts and into the sanctity of your love, that meant so much to you. A sip, or two of wine mixed with colors of rain, the scent of ambrosia reveals this moment for love.... Your writing reads warm and soft and is so wonderfully romantic. I am so very pleased that I read your poem, if I had not read it, I would have missed something wonderful. I have one suggestion, Line 12; "from thirsting parted lips" Try Line 12; from thirst parted lips, I believe it read smoother. Thank very much for you great poem. My best to you, Paul 2007-08-29 04:53:47
From Trauma To TransformationDebbie SpicerDebbie, You've done it again, brought me to tears. Live is so cruel to some and then overly fair to others. Your poem has such wonderful imagery, and Ive been there too. I wonder what others feel,or do not feel, when they read your poem. Many people do not understand mainly because they have not walked in your footprints. They have no idea of many issues in- voled in suffering and pain, short term, or long term. I just know, as you have written, ," Finally you take control of your domain The time has come to outshine the pain" Yes, the heart does controls the "mending", process. The read was very smooth ,rhythmic and imagery, all appropriate for the theme. I enjoy your poem very much. Paul 2007-08-24 18:07:30
GraveThomas H. SmihulaThomas, I like your poem and the way you wrote it. The read is smooth and you draw the reader into the beat of the finality of death and its consequences. I like the line, " Move into the next dimension of time." I would like you to read my poem, TICK, TOCK, TICK.." Thanks for a good read, Paul2007-08-04 14:23:30
FORBIDDEN AFFECTIONDebbie SpicerDear Deddie, This is a wonderful poem on boundless love, commitment and devotion. Your love for your man is succinctly put in a warm and gentle words that intertwine you both. The imagery is so clear, loving and caring. You have shared with us your deepest feeling in a warm poetic way. The great expectations of the most important person in our lives comes true as we give more to them. The magnitude of thier jesters bring momentous enjoyment that lasts for a lifetime. I love your poem very, very much in deed. Good job, Bravo!!! Best to you, Paul2007-07-31 04:28:56
Through The WoodsDellena RovitoDellena, I'm not so confident of the meaning of you poem. I will put my foot forward. Life is meant for us to explore and the task is never easy, but we do our best and continue on the journey. The course we chose places demands we often want to chance. However, we reach deep within ourselves perfoming the duties often required of us. I like your poem very much meter and rhyme is great. LOL, Paul 2007-07-29 12:32:56
ChangeThomas H. SmihulaThis is both appropriate for our times an very succinctly written. This Haiku is one to remember. Paul2007-07-27 20:54:39
My LadyJames C. HorakHi, I see man with both love and devotion, a man who appreciates all the efforts a woman shall make to continually capture his eye. This poem is beautiful and reads smooth as silk. Great poem, Paul2007-07-26 03:19:56
falsehoods. false prophet. just false!arnie s WACHMANArnie, I'm back, or maybe I should say, I am thinking of restoring my efforts in poetry writing . I have been very busy with my busines and I have been feeling a painful tog at my heart for not do the things I love, like writing and reading poetry. I was checking to see if old fiends at TPL were still around. I am a little embarassed to utter to confession, that I have not been contributing to TPL, after all to help I received from people like yourself, as I began writing. I won't make excuses, but I will promise to come back with new work and read your poems as well as others at TPL. TWith that said. I just read your poem, " Falsehoods, False pophets. Just false". I like what you said and how you said it. The self proclaimed Holy-men, who boast of their closeness to God, are mostly arrigant jerks. We may be made in the image of God and that doesn't make one Holy. You said it well and their are few who have the guts to speak about such issues. Great piece of honest thoughts. Thanks My best to you, Paul 2007-01-18 05:31:56
Inner PeaceDebbie SpicerDear Debbie, Your theme is carried throughout the line of your poem and the imagery is warm and provocative. Your style is wonderful to read as your motivate the reader to participate in their minds about what you have written. If I were to choose my favorite lines, they would be the last stanza, very beautiful written that there is renewed hope if you are willing to have faith and persever. This is the promise from God. You have again touched me in a gentle way by this deication. The words carry far reaching depth of meaning and give hope when it is truly needed. This poem reads so smoothly that I was able introspect your thoughts as they came before me. God has blessed me in so many was, but I cherish his gift of life and the creative abilities bestowed upon me. I have had a wonderful life and I truly have no regrets Whoever, I shall continue to creat whatever I can, for it is in the image of our creator to do this. Love, peace and joy the trilogy of life. It is for us to gain the wisdom to make the right choices and to understand our short comings. I am so thrilled that you dedicated this poem to me. I shall be forever in your debt and you shall always be dear to my heart. I like your poem very much, thanks. With love always, Paul2005-07-02 01:10:22
Wind At My BackMell W. MorrisHiMel, This poem is original and profound. The imagery is wonderful and balanced thoughout. I have gained a better insight about the wind from your poem. The read is very smooth except for a few lines. You are a very perseptive poet and I like your style. Great poem. Best regardsPaul; aka, "Donpablo" 2005-06-25 01:05:37
Thundermarilyn terwillegerMarilyn, I'm not a good critique-person, because of my lack of any formal training as a poet. You have been so helpful to me and I know doing critiques is something we all should do. By looking at the number of critiques per poem, one can see that more of us must step up to the plate and do the best we can. That said, I will give it a try. This poem is beautifully write, nice alliteration and the imagery is excellent. However, I had some difficulty with the 4th stanza, line 1,2 and 3. Line 1 "Sinews of thunder calm thoughout" Do you mean that the powerful thunder had stopped? This thunder can not "bright" the lamp-less room within." But, "lightning" could. lightning being the light part and thunder being the powerful noisy part of most rain storms. I may have this wrong. Line 3 " And goes moons melancholy pout." I take it you meant "moon's" I hope I've helpful, but I see I'm stepping out on thin ice. I have read the less critical reviews by others who have read your poem. I think you're a wonder poet and I look forward to reading more of your work. LOL, Don Pablo 2005-06-17 20:36:27
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