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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
Stone Church	Pat Eaklor	Hi Pat, This is an accomplished Whtiney poem and one I enjoyed reading from the first line to the last. My late husband and I use to tramp the mountains and plains where we saw many old buildings. I always wished their walls could talk. Just imagine the tales they could tell. You have chosen your words carefully in writing this piece. They are expressive and creative. This poem is a treat and I hope you will continue to post your work here. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-18 14:54:44
American Lie	James C. Horak	Hi James, I have read this poem many times and I am still not sure I get it. I am sure it is political, which I never write so no wonder I am at a loss here! "bedding down with a lie" is a great line and I am sure we do that more than we would like to. In your last line of the first verse I struggled with the word "to" and think you could delete it and still get your point across. Unless, of course, it is necessary in the message. Also your last two lines of the second verse are powerful and make sense to me. Sadly I have had nightmares while awake. Sorry...I will need you to enlighten me as to the meaning. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-17 17:55:07
My Prayer	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, This is one of those poems that needs to be pondered. I have read it several times just to feel the essence of the words. I am not sure about your use of "crack" in the second verse even though it is a nice internal rhyme it feels a bit forced. Also the use of "youths" in the couplet feels forced to me and I am having trouble with the meaning. Most likely my fault not yours. But having said all that I do like this poem and the message is excellent. Well done. Best wishes, cheyennne	2011-05-16 11:51:13
Clarion	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a most accomplished poem. You have used descriptive words that express the feelings of terror you and your family had while you waited the tornado not knowing if you would live or die. I am so glad all of you are fine and safe but so many lost their lives in that destructive force of nature. You have penned this very well and I enjoyed reading every word. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-27 16:57:01
Passing By	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I can feel the melancoly falvor of this piece in every line. To me it speaks of loss and desapir. I like...the shadows dim over the stage of my life...very descriptive. Thinking more about that line you can delete 'the' as it is not needed to get your point across. An economy of words is always a good idea when writing free verse. A sad but well written poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-21 16:24:05
Down To Earth Walk	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, The is a marvelous poem and I enjoyed the walk with you. You have used descriptive words to express yourself and the rhyme carries the words down the page with ease. There is something so peaceful and uplifting about this piece. I especially like your line....under our feet mere morsels of sand...excellent! Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-16 13:19:16
Some Have	David Keesey	Hi David, I like the brevity of this poem and ejoyed reading it more than once. You have good word selection that expresses your feelings well. I do think this piece should be written without punctuation as the line breaks will work for you. Also your very last line reads awkward to me. You might say...wishing my dreams will be read by you or wishing you'll read my dreams...or something like that. Just a suggestion for you to use or lose. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-13 11:53:22
untitled	Christina Morrow	Hi Christina, I can't help but wonder about the gun and who is holding it. However, I think it was your intent to make your readers ponder this poem and you have certainly done that. I feel a certain desperation in the lines even though it seems the speaker is trying to remain calm despite the gun. In your second verse you should either delete the word 'and' or drop it to the next line. When doing enjambment it's not good to end a line with "and, the, if, of" etc. Also you have used a lot of "I" words which just a little tweaking would fix. Having said that, I do like the poem and the mystery inside the lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-31 16:58:27
Growth Spurt	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, There is nothing more hurtful than words slung in haste, at someone. How those who do this can live with themselves is beyond me. You have excellent rhyming couplets except for your third verse where you deviate from the rhyme scheme. But no matter as the poem reads good the way it is. You have tackled a tough subject and written it well with good word choices and an even flow. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-21 12:22:10
The chamber	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, The darkness of this poem is stunning. It sounds like something stright out of Criminal Minds...the TV show. A serial killer is what the theme implies and even though I tried to attach a metaphor I could not. You might want to break up the very long lines in two for sake of the meter. A dark, brooding and well written poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-18 17:09:39
Prometheus Bound	David Keesey	Hi David, This poem is laced with melancholy with good phrasing and superb and expressive word selection. More fragile than adjectives Used to describe fleeting starlight, The above lines really stand out for me, describing adjectives as fragile is so creative and I wonder why I never thought of that? (smile) I am not sure I would have also used 'fragile' to describe starlight, as well. Maybe 'delicate' would work and still keep the same thought. Just my brain thinking which, of course, can be dangerous. Excellent piece. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-28 16:21:41
The Bind	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandi, Depression can be such a dark place to live and I do hope you find your way out of the abyss soon for your own sake. Even though quite dark I do like this piece. You have good word selection that has allowed you to express yourself. A lyrical aa/bb rhyme the gives charm to the lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-24 15:29:04
Please	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You are so right there is nothing to be gained from holding on to our pain. Poetry is a good way to let it out from the darkness and understand why one feels the pain in the first place. A good rjyming poem with an excellent message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-24 15:19:59
Cola	David Keesey	Hi David, This is an accomplished poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. A free verse with good meter and exceptional words that are expressive and evocative. There are many love poems but I find this one to be fresh and compelling. The occasional rhyme just adds to its charm and pulls the lines down the page with ease. Wel done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-22 17:16:00
Another Time	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, much has taken pleace since those old black and white movie scenes. Some women were pampered in days gone by but not so in the world we live in today. However, the women in the old west had to be strong and were not pampered much at all. If we are smart we will still let men think we are the weaker sex! This is a good poem with great word selection and rhyme. Well done. Besr wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-22 15:20:44
Where Darkness Lies	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem is so full of emotion and woe that it is hard to read with a dry eye. Anyone who has suffered a loss can appreciate your words. Words which are stark and brooding but somewhat softened by the gentle rhyme. A very thought provoking poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-16 17:14:14
The War	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is an accomplished poem and one I read more than once. Your rhyming is is impeccable and has a lilting quality that carries the lines down the page with ease. I feel the pathos in every line with good words choices that express your feelings well. This is one of your very best poem, which is saying a lot. Your skill at writing serves you well, which to me, just gets better and better. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 12:23:25
Underneath the Mask	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, It goes without saying that the emotion is profound in this poem. I was glad to see it has an uplifting end which speaks of hope not previously felt. You have chosen you words carefully but I think you might work more on the rhyme scheme. In the first verse there is no rhyme as in/wind isn't true. The next two quatrains have an excellent rhyme scheme but the third line deviates with the use of emotion/position...it's the 's' in position that trips you up...a word like 'potion' works better in my humble opinion. You last verse rhyme with see/misery is fine. These are just my thoughts for you to use or lose. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 12:05:01
Pretty Things	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, I was most pleased to see you had posted a poem and a fitting one for lovers. We've a harbor, where treasure, where pleasure.........good internal rhyme abounds. Like stolen moments shared at soul passing, feeling something leaving, something untied now.......excellent alliteration of 's' sounds Better than a stone upon a mound, a covered vessel curiously shaped...............Wish I penned these two words Like an arm draped around a loved life seeping..........a bit of melancholy here Where we tie a thread that stays tied, to even moving bullets...............what is more untied than moving bullets? Where knowing is not traded for ceremony And..........I would have dropped 'and' to the next line but Where love stays in the air...until breathed in........that's just me the next breath out smells of new rain.................beautiful line Cap and bells, the poet's trade, the rattle of a tin cup settle on the mind like morning dew the sun takes up The touch of a hand becomes here the warmth of winter fire While cold only plays to purpose the sun will never tire......this last verse is my favorite. The rhyming ..............................................................couplets work well and the word choices ..............................................................couldn't be more perfect for Valentine's day. All in all an accomplished poem. Hope you linger here awhile and grace us with more poetry. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 11:51:08
May Rest Come	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This well written poem has lines laced with melancholy. It almost reads like a plea replete with excellent word selection, good rhyming and gentle flow. Even though sad I enjoyed every word. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-12 16:33:55
Casual Witness	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, You are like a master at free verse and your poetry is always enjoyed by me. I like the words you chose and how you arranged them...makes for an easy flow. So much melancholy in this well written poem and the imagery gives me a perfect mind picture of this man. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-09 15:53:22
With a Sigh	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This poem, laced with melancholy in every line speaks to me. There have been times in my life where I took the path of safety to distance myself from harm. It is a lonely path. This is a fine free verse poem written in couplets. You have chosen good words that are expressive and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-08 14:55:24
MOON GODDESS	David Keesey	Hi David, This is a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. You have so many great phrases that I would need to copy the entire piece to tell you which one I like the best. You have made excellent word choices and the flow is even. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-06 17:18:26
Old Bones	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is an accomplished poem with an unusual subject that I think is brilliant. You have a nice rhyme that carries the lines down the page like liquid falling. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-03 14:45:29
Here - After	Mary J Coffman	Hi Mary, The imagery in this poem is outstanding. I found the words to be sensual in content and theme is beautiful. I do have on suggestion. In your third line I think you should drop the word 'and' to the next line for smoother enjambment. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-01 17:09:43
Keeper of Mem’ries	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, Such a melancholy poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. I love the notion of being the keeper of memories and wish I had thought of it first! Well written and evocative poem. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-30 17:40:54
Interlude with a Murderer	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, Over a period of days I have read and re-read this poem. The thing that strikes me most is not the bloodiness or the murder but the way in which you describe it. Your words are haunting but at the same time stunning. It is darker than most but well written and compelling (which is why I keep coming back to it) Something you read, a TV program, a dream, all of which could have prompted you to write a disturbing poem. Perhaps you wanted to shock your readers and make them sit up and take notice...you have certainly done that. This wirte reminds me of Poe in his darkest and most tortured days. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-28 18:20:29
Seasoned	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a fabulous poem and one I read more than once just to savor the words. The message is thought provoking and the flow is like liquid as the words slide down the page with ease. In my opinion you shouldn't change a thing in this beautiful piece. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-23 11:53:13
uNseen	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Your title drew me in and I had to see what you had written. You did not disappoint me. I feel some melancholy in the written lines and wish I knew the lines written in between. Your second verse is the most powerful to me. This is a good free verse poem, well written and compelling. Well done Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-21 16:29:10
BONES	David Keesey	Hi David, This is one of those poems that begs to be pondered. I did have to read it several times as I had some qualms with a couple of the lines. At first I couldn't get the sense of the line... Like frozen liquid metal...however, I do understand the meaning...I kept thinking it should be.. Like metal's forzen liquid Also in the 6th line you wrote...as he plays his game I'm not sure who 'he' is so maybe the meaning escapes me but my not understanding doesn't detract from the beauty of the line. You have a good poetic pen and I hope to read more of your poems. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-17 15:12:33
Ethereal Watermark	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a beautiful poem and one that is difficult to read with a dry eye. You so aptly protray the grief of losing a loved one. You have used expressive words and the flow is even, especially since it is written in free verse. Excellent. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-10 12:10:34
Shadows of Memories	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, I really thought I had written a critique of this poem, but guess not. I love the melancholy falvor of the lines....not that is a good thing to lose the one who captured your heart but the fashion in which you write about. Excellent. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-01-01 16:46:08
Obsessive Compulsive	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You have nailed the mind of the obsessive complusive person perfectly. You have done and excellet job in writing this and I have read it more than once as it is most compelling. I have come across a few people afflicted with this devastating syndrome. They are helpless and usually lose their jobs as they need to keep going home to check out one thing or the other. Well done! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-12-30 18:07:03
Too Weak To Leave	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, I would have sworn I critiqued this poem and was surprised to see it on my list! Must be a short term memory thing. This is an amazing write and I enjoyed every word. It seems abuse is rampant in this day and age...or is it just talked about more? You have good word selection with an even flow. Just one suggestion in your second verse lines 3 & 4 you should drop the words "for" and "and" to the next line to make for a smoother enjambment. A well written and evocative poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-12-28 17:58:37
Adam Screwed Us All	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I enjoyed reading this philosophical poem. You have written some profound and thoughtful lines which beg to be pondered. I like the ending which is uplifting. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-12-28 17:52:08
No Visible Scars	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I like poetry that is terse but says much more than the written words. It is not an easy task as often the poet thinks they must write more when in reality they don't. You have done an outstanding job in using just the right words to leave a lasting impression on all who read this poem. Well done. Best wishes, chyenne	2010-12-28 17:42:27
Perfect Light	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a lovely poem. I don't think I have read a rhyming verse from your talented pen. I like the rhyme, the well chosen words and the beautiful message. You may have stepped out of the box to write a rhyme but you have done a fine job. Merry Christmas, cheyenne	2010-12-14 15:36:24
Last Poem of An Unwitting Liar	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I see nothing wrong with this poem at all. You are obviously speaking of someone you both admire and miss. The lines "I am at the end of a mediocre life" is well written albeit sad. I can't help but wonder if this is the way you feel about yourself or your friend? You have written some remarkable lines that seem to me, are full of pain and regret. A dark but enjoyable read. Poems written from the heart are never wrong. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-12-08 17:29:34
Thankful Days Walk	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I hope by now your daughter has resolved her issues. This is a fine poem with lovely words and a gentle flow. I especially like the lines...what was has changed, another year shifted and rearranged....so very true. Well done Best wishes, cheyennne	2010-11-30 15:57:34
Escape	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I really like this poem. It is a wish I have had myself but you have so poetically written my thoughts down. Your imagery is vivid, especially in the second verse. Sounds like a place I would love to be...maybe you could meet me there! (smile) Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-30 15:54:33
Folded Time	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a stunning poem with delicious images and well written lines. You have done something I don't see too often and that is....your last five lines are your hook. When I read them I went back and read the poem again, thinking I may have missed why it goes from third person to first person and then it dawned on me why you wrote it that way. Your phrasing and theme are excellent. Bravo and roses at your feet. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-28 18:45:25
Dancing Days	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a fabulous free verse poem. I have enjoyed reading it several times and each time I like it better. You have excellent phrasing and word selection which makes this poem a joy to read. I agree that things are not always like they seem....one of the disappointments in life. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-27 17:49:44
Monarchs Are Worth Saving	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, This is a stunning piece of poetry about the journey of the Monarch Butterfly. I had no idea they flew so far and encountered so many obstacles. The personifcation of the Butterfly is an excellent idea and the perfect way to descibe her long trek. Nature is so amazing...out of something as ugly as a creepy worm comes the beauty of a Butterfly. I am not usually a fan of long poetry but once I began to read I couldn't stop until the very end. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-27 17:38:15
What I Can't Tell You	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This world of child who is forced to make porn films is pitiful to say the least. I don't think any of them start out thinking it is a bad thing but they are mislead and used. Your poem is very descriptive but oh so heart-breaking. I find nothing that I would change in this piece. You have a random rhyme that pulls the lines down the page with ease. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-26 16:04:59
Our Story	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, A melacholy but well executed poem. Your rhyming couplets work well and the lines have a liquid flow. You have penned an uplifting end to this lovely piece. Well done! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-25 12:33:23
I Wonder	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, Your poems are always quite sad and I wonder why you suffer so. Maybe it is just your style, a style that I find most appealing. Those of us who have lost so much have a tendancy to write our feelings down and I believe that is a good thing. I really like this poem, the words, the even flow and theme make it a pleasure to read, albeit sad. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-17 00:58:23
REUNITED	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, Such a melancholy poem. The last verse is almost too sad to bear. You write an excellent free verse...something I am still trying to accomplish. The loss of a child must be the ultimate grief. A superb poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-15 17:51:46
Waiting	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem is dark and brooding, Poe would be proud of you. I can easily feel the fear and distraught mind that lays inside the lines of this piece. You have good word selection that is stark and unyielding. I have failed at trying to pick a line or phrase I like the most as I like them all. Every poet tries to write a poem that is not easily forgotten and you have done that. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-12 17:54:12
Golden Leaves in Crimson Hands (Part III)	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I am glad you ended this series of poems on an uplifting note. It shows that no matter the grief, no matter the sorrow, no matter the regret this poet knows she is not alone. You have just enough rhyme, here and there to give this piece its charm and appeal. I have always believed that writing our feelings down is a catharsis at least it is for me. These three poems are wonderfully done and I hope to read more from your talented pen. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-11 01:20:39
Golden Leaves in Crimson Hands (Part II)	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, There is a little glimmer of hope in this second poem. Once again, I feel the sorry and regret that tortures you. I must assume you are writing about yourself as the lines are so full of emotion. I like the line...once crackle at a time...and wish I had thought of it first. You have vivid imagery in this most engaging but dark poem. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2010-11-11 01:15:44
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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