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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
Golden Leaves in Crimson Hands (Part I)	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem reeks of sadness that tugs at the heart strings of this critquer. I can feel the sorrow and melancholy that limns the lines. Your last verse is especially powerful. Your word selection is excellent and the flow is even and fluid...not always easy to do in free verse. A profound and evocative poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-11 01:11:46
Pachyderms & Jackasses	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, This ambitious poem speaks so many truths. It comes down to the haves and have nots...what a sorry state of affairs. Those without insurance never seek a physcian until they are so sick they are brought to a hospital feet first. Of course it costs thousands to get them well and when they can't pay the doctors and hospitals have to write the cost off. Which raises the cost of care, insurance premiums and bad debt. You make some valid points in this eassy poem. It is well written and thougthful. You may be right, unification may be the only way to keep the 'wolves' from our door. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-10 15:49:39
Time	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, A fun but gentle reminder of our changing times. I'm not sure I like daylight saving time but I'm sure it won't go away so we have to make the best of it. When I was working I went to work just before the dawn and came home at dusk...I hated that. Well written and delightful poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-08 17:45:55
It must be time to write a poem	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, What a delightful poem from your talented pen. The meaning is clear with an engaging rhyme and liquid flow. I often write about my muse. She is so fickle and I never know if she will show up when I need her or if she off on vaction somewhere. A fun read that kept a smile upon me face throughout. Well done Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-11-06 17:49:13
The twins	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Something about this poem makes me think your muse has been missing but is now making a return in all her glory. "A stump of a tongue" is a creative way to describe a missing muse. Mine also takes a hike now and then. Me thinks she has reappeared and will 'unleash her epic' Well done and I hope to read more from your talented pen. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-30 15:32:23
Witness	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This is a marvelous poem albeit very doleful. Sometimes we never know what makes another tick and it's true we can't cry their tears or fully understand them. The stars are finished now, their black holes brand your face with the eyes of dead love. I find the above lines to be very poetic and I wish I had thought of them first. The melancholy flavor of this piece is quite pleasing to me. But then I like Poe so dark poetry (and even darker than this) appeals to me and I can relate to this one easily. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-30 15:24:49
Skid Marks	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, A great treat for Halloween. Your ending was a complete surprise and the thought of it made me gasp! A couple of suggestions. In your line.."You're brave enough to come?" I think you should move that question mark to the end of the following line as it is a continuation of the same thought. Also you line...laugh out loud deep in to cool air...'in to' should be 'into' as it refers to location. The one thing I would change about this site is the inability to change a line without having to hide the poem and start over again. Of course more poets would be nice too! Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-28 16:21:33
Solace in Season	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is a lovely poem with fresh word choices and liquid flow. Your rhyming couplets are well done with the exception of deep/trees which doesn't rhyme. However, upon the second read I see you have done that more than once so I'm certain it is deliberate. In no way does it diminish this excellent poem. You have written so many delicious phrases that I can't pick a favorite without ignoring the rest. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-18 16:43:18
Passing Through	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a thoughtful piece and one I enjoyed reading. I have a couple of suggestions. In your 8th line you should drop the word 'is' to the next line. Also you wrote...Does God call our name to...drop 'to' to the next line. This will make for a smoother enjambment. I don't know why you strayed from your format in the last six lines but perhaps you could use the same form througout. Having said that, I like the poem and the message. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-15 01:23:04
Midnight Lace	Lora Silvey	Oh Lora, You little devil, you have written one of the most sensual and erotic poems I had read in a long time. It is written with grace with wonderful word choices and easy flow. When I took English lit in school we studied Shakespeare and it was there I learned, when he spoke of "little death," he was describing an orgasm. I like the way you put this piece together and the last line is a killer phrase. If this piece doesn't win the contest there is something terribly wrong. Superb! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-15 01:14:18
Abandoned	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, No doubt I shouldn't attempt a critique of this poem as I missed the mark badly on the last one of yours I critiqued. However, I am undaunted regardless! I believe this poem has a political flavor that limns the lines. Your lines....lumbering seconds & of morose tenderness...are lines I wish I had written. Especially...lumbering seconds...which is a clever and unique way of saying time stands still or how it drags on and on. I think it is your last three lines that makes me think of politics that are dragging on adnauseam until one feels like screaming...enough. I do hope I haven't fractured your wonderful poem and if that is the case I apologize. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-11 16:29:59
Futile State of Mind	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is an accomplished poem. At first I thought it to be a free verse but when I read it the second time you do have some end rhymes. I hate to be so daft but am unsure what the poem means. You have a creature who sits in an alley and a Princess, which makes this a perfect poem for Halloween. Even though it is an enigma to me I can still appreciate and enjoy reading it. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-10-10 15:56:44
The Cost of Life	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I have read this piece many times and can't quite figure out why you have put caps on the word 'One'...it signifies that the word means God. Having said that, I find this to be an outstanding poem with good rhyming and flow. I think you may be speaking about a loved one that died or it just might be your fertile imagaination. Either way it is well written and thought provoking. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2010-10-10 15:47:49
I Would Do It Again - And Again - And Again	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, There is so much melancholy in this write. Not only that but I feel the regret and deep emotions that lace the lines. When we are young and fall in love we think it will be forever, unaware that nothing lasts that long. If the love is not returned or the one we love takes a hike the devastation is profound and all consuming. Sometimes our best poems come from our life experiences. They (who ever they are) say it's better to love and lose than not to love at all. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-29 15:16:57
Becoming One	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is an accomplished poem and one I throughly enjoyed reading more than once. I like the short rhyming couplets which works well here. You have so many good phrases that it is impossible to name them all. I often miss the lyrical poetry as it seems so many write free verse. Nothing wrong with that but a poem like this draws me in with its lovely rhyme and good word choices. Excellent! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-28 18:04:21
Never Level Down To Please The Pea-Brains	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Yes, the title did get my attention! I think we all are guilty of 'dumming down' sometimes. I don't mean it in a condescending way but rather to make myself understood. So I guess the answer to your question, is yes we do change to converse with others, sometimes. A very thoughtful poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-28 17:59:40
The "Killing" Report	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a powerful poem that limns the world we live in today. I doubt there will ever be everlasting peace as wars have been fought since the beginning of time. I suppose we will pray all our days for a peaceful world. You do an excellent free verse poem and this one is no exception. You have made excellent word selection and the flow is even. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-25 16:05:20
The Storm	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is an amazing poem and very professional. You captured the scene well and I felt as if I were watching the woman as she trod, a little uncertain but determined. I especially like free verse written in this form, to me it is more poetic than some I see. Excellent job! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-22 17:29:17
Program	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is a powerful poem and one that makes me think of some horrible event. Flashing lights spinning, reminds me of a police car or fire engine. The happening has left the protagonist blindly spent with a frozen heart and trapped within. You have a nice rhyme that pulls the lines easily down the page. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-21 17:28:41
A Trip or Two and Fall	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a marvelous poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. I seem to write in rhyme more than free verse even when I try not to. Your word selection is successful and the phrasing is well done. A very liquid flow for free verse, wich is not always the case unless the poet knows what they are doing. Obviously you do! I know a good critquer should give some sage advice, to the poet, but I have none for you as this is a fine poem and should be left as is. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-06 16:36:11
Rescue Me Rescue Ranger	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This loss of a child has to be the ulitmate in grief. The pain eases with time but it never goes away. It's like the past, it never passes. You have written a lovely poem for your son and I have a feeling he knows that. Well done. Best wishes. cheyenne	2010-09-02 17:29:53
Dreaming	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, I do like this poem. It is a stunning free verse and your word selection is excellent. I often write about the sea so I find this piece most enjoyable. Your last two lines are powerful and sum up the message well. Apparently the painting speaks to you as a poet. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-02 17:23:37
Night in Summer's Soul	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I am a fan of short poetry when it says much more than the written words. I find this poem to be a melancholy write, maybe even sorrowful. The only thing I would change is your first verse. I would delete the words "way up." Since you follow with "high overhead" it becomes redundant because if it is high overhead we know it is way up. Hope that makes sense to you. A good poem and one I enjoyed reading. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-09-02 17:17:21
Courting	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I think this is an outstanding poem and one I enjoyed reading. Your theme is clever with great word selection and an even flow, making it a pleasure to read. I couldn't come up with a rhyme scheme so I decided you wrote just enough rhyme to give this piece a muscial quality. I am not usually a fan of long poetry but this one intrigued me and held my interest throughout. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-08-20 15:41:48
DRAGON SLAYER MEETS THE PREACHER MAN	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, Your use of upper case words shows your angst and frustration because of one who caused your deal to go bad. You have used a couple of cliches but even so they work well in this piece. I can almost see you striking your key board with determination and anger as you wrote this piece. There are those who delight in making others miserable and maybe that is what happened to you. This is an emotional and compelling poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-08-16 15:35:34
Intact	James C. Horak	Hi James, I can't begin to tell you how delighted I am to read a poem from your pen. You no doubt know the site has been limping along and doing our best to keep it alive. Now to your poem. I have read it multiple times and even though it is amgiguous to me I have decided to go with my first gut reaction. I think you are speaking about what happened a few months ago and how it almost ruined TPL. Those who live in an ivory tower, with no feelings for those who don't, spewed misplaced wrath. In the end "they" won your contest then picked themselves up, dusted the dirt off and disappeared....WHY? What was the intent? Did their power leave them intact? Having said all that, this is a well crafted poem with excellent word choices and a message that can be interpreted in more ways than one. I am probably way off base but what I have written here is the way the poem speaks to me. It will be most interesting to see how others preceive this piece. Again, I am glad to see you back and hope you will stay. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-31 14:53:15
Once Upon a Then	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, In reading this well crafted poem I wonder if you are speaking of a loved one lost or the loss of our earth as we know it. Either way your words are beautiful and haunting. I think of those I have lost and in doing so your words bring a tear to my eye. I think this is one of those poems that can be interpreted in more than one way. You have given your readers the opportunity to sense both your loss and theirs. A lovely poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-22 16:59:39
Promises	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This poem sounds like a lover's plea. It is well crafted, sensuous and evocative. You have written it with syllable count of 10/8 and I thought, on first read, that it rhymed. Instead it is a free verse that is lyrical, not always easy to do when writing free verse. "to gossamer veils of silken delight" this is a wonderful line and a delicious thought. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-21 14:53:37
Good To Stop In!	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, I like this poem about your return to TPL. I understand that some poets left the site, for whatever reason, so it is good to see you come back and post a fine poem. You wrote this poem very well, with excellent word choices and an even flow. I hope to read more of your poems soon as I can tell you are an accomplished poet. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-21 10:48:15
Cry For Me	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I have read several of your poems but this one really gets to me. A superb free verse that limns all the reasons we humans are destroying our beloved Mother Earth. I think you started this poem with something that makes us all cry, the loss of a pet. From those lines comes the stark reality and meaning of the poem. The repetition of "resides in stone" and "cry for me" is creative, clever and poetic. The lines seem to gather strength as they move effortlessly down the page. It held this reader in an anxious state until the very end. It was then I took a breath. I hope there are other places you can post this poem as it should be read by many and not by so few as exist on this site. A masterful write from you talented pen. Best wishes cheyenne	2010-07-16 16:28:11
Love To The Last Night	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Another fabulous poem. I like the subtle rhyme and good word selection. When I read "Sole steps" I wondered if you meant 'soul' but then when I read it again I think you are referring the sole of a shoe..very clever. A well written and evocative poem. Besst wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-09 15:00:12
THE MUSICIAN	Monica ONeill	Hi Monica, I really like the melancholy essence of this poem. Also I like the form you used in this free verse. You have made superb word choices and the flow is like liquid as it slides down the page with ease. No nits from me, I enjoyed this and read it more than once. Bravo. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-09 14:55:41
LIGHTHOUSE	Monica ONeill	Hi Monica, I feel so much sadness in your lines. But at the same time I feel a certain resolve that no matter how life batters or beats at your core you will not be defeated but will stay strong to meet another day despite what it may bring. I could be so wrong about the metaphor but this is how the poem makes me feel. You have made good word choices and the flow is even. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-07-05 15:11:06
Did I Hear That Right?	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I was raised in a small town and what you have penned here is so true. I am taking your poem literally and not as a metaphor because I can relate to the small town gossip and a newspaper that struggles with something to write about. You have done a fabulous job in writing this poem and just because I like your word choices, theme and structure I have read it more than once. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-06-29 16:17:09
Word Power	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading fromt the first line to the last. To me it says the reason we write, poets have to do that, you know. I wonder about those who have left this site and where they are posting their work. They can't help but write poetry as it is a big part of who they are. You have written some excellent phrases in this poem and the theme is good. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-06-14 14:45:18
"Uniforms" Should Be Worn With Pride	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I have read this poem several times in the last few days and almost didn't write a critique as I don't know what to say. I will tell you that I have two policemen and one fireman in my family. They are proud of the job they do and are true to the uniform and badge they display. The fireman is also a medic and when 911 is called they are the first to come to save a life. Both have many accommedations, from the public they serve, for going beyond the call of duty. They are neither corrupt or small minded. Having said that there are politions that fit the theme of your poem. You are intitled to your opinion, of course, regarding those in uniform and sadly there are those who are not so stellar and give the rest a bad name. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-06-10 10:55:50
Lucidity	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is such a melancholy poem and one I have read several times. To me it speaks of a love lost perhaps by death rather than a break up of some kind. Your well chosen words tell that the loss is permanent and not one the protagonist expects to heal or be forgotten. The line..."torn pages from life's book" is extraordinary and one that speaks of grief. I am at a loss to pick a favorite line and ignore the rest as each line is important to show the sorrow that abounds throughout. Well done, Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-06-09 09:52:37
Free Your Mind	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, You are so good at writing free verse, something I am still working on. The language in this well written piece is fresh and begs to be read more than once. In my life I have found to be positive is a treasure which negates all feelings of woe. That is how your poem speaks to me. An excellent free verse with a powerful and uplifting message. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-28 17:26:30
Rainbow's End	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I am a sucker for nature poems and this one is no exception. You have some lovely phrases, word selection and flow. I see you rhymed the first verse but not the second. Is there a reason for this or is it just the way it came out? I often see free verse with a little rhyming and your poem is not compromised by that. You have made the lines work even though the syllable count is not even. As far as I'm concerned the poem works as written. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-19 10:16:31
I Blew a Kiss	Joe P. OGrady	Hi Joe, This a beautiful poem about love. I think these type of poems are difficult to write as so many have already been done. Having said that, I find this one to have fresh verbiage, excellent rhyme and good word selection. You have been consistant with eight syllables per line and even though you have some lines with near rhymes they still sound good which is something I look for in a poem. Well done. Best Wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-17 15:13:14
Hidden Key	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is an exceptional free verse poem. Your beginning strophe is so telling and sets the tempo of this write. The journey of this key safely buried with the fears washed, and waned to hide itself in forgiveness of loves tears. If I had to pick a favorite phrase it would be this one but the truth is I like them all. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-15 12:37:50
All the angry women	Moira Grace Hamel-Smith	Hello Moira, I feel the angst inside the lines of this poem. You have done an excellent job of portraying that. I do think women will avoid making discomfort for others a sacrifice we unwilling take. That always leads to resentment which is a devious thing to swallow. In your last strophe the word 'our selves' is all one word. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-15 12:32:39
No Price To Pay For Beauty	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is an exceptional poem and one I enjoyed reading. Your imagery is excellent and you have written some phrases I wish I had thought of first! I believe this is the best poem, of yours, I have ever read. It seems to be a mixture of free verse and rhyme which gives so much charm to the piece. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-05-09 17:20:09
Circling the Wagons	Christina Morrow	Hello Christina, I have read this poem several times over the last few days. I am unable to discern who "she" is but have decided it is your muse which works better than some of my other choices. You have written some good lines and phrases. Your rhyming is a bit eratic but for the most part is well done. I do have a suggestion for you to consider. I think the poem would work better if you break the very longs lines up and delete some of the unnecessary words. Let me show you what I mean. It’s like trying to read Braille while going down a bumpy road. Like reading braille while skidding down bumpy roads By writing it this way it gives the words more power and the imagery more vivid. You can go through the lines and delete some words like...the, and, but, etc. Also you should make "she" recognizable while keeping the same theme. I hope you will re-post with some corrections as I think you have good ideas. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-26 15:32:25
Hidden Tethers	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a lovely poem for Mother's day. You have used some outstanding phrases; Alone; traversing many roads as calendar’s mark invades this day These lines especially stand out for me. They speak of time passing in such a poetic manner. You have a gift for this type of poetry, whatever you do don't stop writing. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-26 01:12:35
Mirror Mirror	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a wistful poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. I like the malancholy flavor of your well selected words. "veins flow of insipid wine" is a wonderful line and one I wish I had thought of first. "Not a worthy man was to be had"...is so true. If one looks too hard they will miss the obvious, not a very sage remark on my part but it is most likely true. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-24 00:51:58
Keep Him Out For Good	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a well written and evocative poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Your beginning strophe sets the stage for what it to come. "A pint of wonder" is an excellent phrase. Satan abides in our lives whether we like it or not. The trick is not succumb to his wicked ways...not always easy. A good poem with a compelling message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-21 16:33:17
Lost Miracles	Mark D. Kilburn	Hello Mark, It is easy for me to say, without reservation, that you have been writing for a long time. This is an accomplished poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. I just wrote a poem (not finished yet) about spring singing her song. Also I write a lot of poems about nature (never run out of fodder to write about) so this piece appeals to me on more than one level. Your imagery is excellent as are your well chosen words. There is nothing that I would recommend altering as it stands alone in perfection. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-20 10:39:00
La Famiglia	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I would say 'WOW' if it weren't so commonplace. I have read other poems from you pen but this one has to be your best, so far. You have written some extrodinary phrases and some I wish I had thought of first. Part 11, Milan, contain images and words that are breath taking. I attempted to pick a favorite but failed miserably as every line is special, not that the others aren't but that strophe is remarkable. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-20 10:29:02
Last Dance With the Devil in Hell	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a stunning poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. You have made excellent word choices and the lines flow down the page with ease. Also you have written a plethora of extraordinary phrases that roll of the tongue like liquid. An ambitious poem that is both well written and evocative. Well done, bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-15 14:29:48
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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