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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Lora Silvey	Critique Date
Futile State of Mind	DeniMari Z.	Awe Deni, it appears you are ruminating in the cellar of darkness, finding the ever elusive serpent and all the fine trickery that is served up. Yes, deciet is a difficult thing to discern at time and does make us ask at some point--are the painted ladies the evil or is it the creature that seems ensnared. Much to take in in this unusual undertaking of yours. Your closing lines put this back in the hands of the reader, it is each individual's choice to decide what is what, very good. Lora	2010-10-16 19:54:23
The Cost of Life	Mandie J Overocker	This is such a sad and poignant poem that makes the reader's heart ache for what should be readily available for all to see but for whatever reason--has to remain hidden. As is with all things, the truth will eventually be seen, at what cost will it be given and yet at what sacrafice has it been hidden... A very deep and stunning write that gives the reader many avenues to ponder. Your many layers hold so many meanings within their lines that I feel I have not done your poem justice. Excellent. Lora	2010-10-16 19:49:13
Ocher Leaves	cheyenne smyth	At first I thought I was reading a sonnet till the end...*smile*. Very nicely done and so aphrapo for the season. Great shades of darkness exude from the choice verbiage you've used to limn your lines while the iambic cadence dances your reader through each stanza with ease. The occaisional internal rhymes adds a bit of pleasurable spice and the closing lines bring redemption and offer hope to carry on... Wonderful. Lora	2010-10-16 19:44:27
Abandoned	James C. Horak	Wow, James--this is packed with emotion, frustration and has that feel of wanting to throw their hands in the air! It sometimes seems that no matter how one tries, things seem to stagnate...definitely leaves one with the feeling of abandonment wondering if anyone out their actually thinks, sees or really gives a damn. Great stuff here, much to ponder packed in a concise write of power packed verbiage....Excellent and most enjoyable read. Lora	2010-10-14 19:44:34
Passing Through	DeniMari Z.	I enjoyed your philosophical ideas in this poem, great stuff to ponder. I'm not sure that I care for the format as it tended to make your poem a bit choppy. Also, when coming to the end of a line you want the last word on that line to say something so try not to end them with it, to, and, etc., the point is an enjabment and punctuates your thoughts. Overall, I liked what you had to say and your choice of verbiage to say it...Lora	2010-10-14 19:40:24
Solace in Season	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, nicely done...excellent thoughts of what the season holds. Just a couple of suggestions; [But=delete] autumn’s vibrant hues and shades" and "created by [the=delete] frozen blast" will help to tighten this up a bit. Good verbiage and an easy flow move your reader through your stanzas easily. An enjoyable read... Lora	2010-10-14 19:36:17
Serenity	cheyenne smyth	A very nice poem, soft and delicate with all the delicious verbiage that makes this peacful and content just as your title depicts. Your lines are fresh and move your reader through your verse with ease. no nits or spags... Lora	2010-10-14 19:29:44
Homeless	cheyenne smyth	This is such an awesome poem. What a gift and a challenge to have carved out such a profound story and put in form of poem...a major accomplishment. The images that you leave on the reader's mind are wrapped in sadness and compassion, very visual. Your flow is true and moves the reader easily through your poignant lines. I am in awe of such a great gift and humbled by the passion this claims at a master poets hand. Lora	2010-07-21 17:29:05
Good To Stop In!	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, so nice to see your returning post, a well thought out and presented poem with much heart that moves deftly down the page. Enjoyed your choice of words and their smithing as one can tell you have a great deal of passion for what you've written. Welcome home,no nits or spags...Lora	2010-07-21 12:45:50
Therapy Session With The Devil	DeniMari Z.	Such a heavy and deep contemplative write. The style fits well with your content. In starkness this poem moves the reader through your lines in succicnt procession to your conclusion. There is one part that I think you could alter to keep in line with your form="Confusion will set in as his claws [drop "as" and move "snatching" up to the above line]this will give these lines more impact] snatching one by one with victory " enjabments should have a power word at the end that impacts the thoughts... Anyway--as I said it is a suggestion to use or loose... Strong wording with clear intent, nicely done... Lora	2010-07-18 10:10:10
Woes I Left	cheyenne smyth	Lilting, musical to the ear as sorrows fickle hand leads your reader through your lines. The meter is excellent--perfect beat as the reader enjoys your sonet. While sadness appears to permeate, hope and its uplifting message whisper through; if not for sorrow then how much of joy would be understood and felt. no nits or spags... Lora	2010-07-16 09:20:59
Once Upon a Then	Dellena Rovito	Dellena you have turned some wonderful phrases and I especially like "Earth's hand hold did unravel". A somewhat melacholy read yet layered within there is a sense of hope as your closing line redeems the sorrow by way of leaving the author to wonder. An easy flow, moving smoothly afords the reader a pleasant experience. A small suggestion "Like before, she [usually=delete] smiles" just a suggestion--for this reader it deluted the feeling created causing less of a punch to this line. Very nicely done, thank you for sharing. Wadoh Lora	2010-07-16 09:16:02
THE MUSICIAN	Monica ONeill	Monica this is truly delicious. Your poem flows smoothly as if it were the notes the muscian were playing. A wonderful reflective and philosophical write that brings peace and inner content to the reader. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I see nothing that would require changing, a most enjoyable read. Lora	2010-07-14 14:45:17
The Bucket	cheyenne smyth	An excellent metaphore for life, yes life moves on, all ages and chances...are the reveries of gayer times or of sad poignant moments. Your meter and rhyme carry your reader through your lines with smooth percision while if spoken aloud the dance your words make upon being spoken linger in mind. Excellent work, no nits or spags. Lora	2010-07-14 14:42:17
Sailing Free	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, A purely romantic poem, well crafted with good meter, gentle rhyme and a lilting voice that carries the reader easily through out. I can not pick a favored line lest it be your reframe, all of your lines are so harmonious and well crafted that one does not over shadow another. Most enjoyable...no revisions neede as far as this reader can tell. Lora	2010-06-25 07:17:28
Word Power	Dellena Rovito	Very nicely done Dellena. Excellent format that lends itself most pleasantly to the words you've used and the subject you've offered us. Your flow is easy and the meter constant which moves your reader through your verses without hesitation. Your subject, while most elegantly stated is easily determined and I concur with your opinion on writing. Bravo, a most enjoyable read. No nits or spags, no suggestions for changes-- your work stands well on its own merrit. Lora	2010-06-12 00:06:54
Rejection	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, such lovely painfully sorrowful verses that flow ever so smoothly as if ebbing like tide and time. Images of a life's love/partner now gone and where two once filled the void there is only one. For some there is only one and when the flame deminishes there is no other. So very beautiful yet sad; your poem struck a core with inside this reader's heart. Excellently crafted and presented, there is nothing to suggest for changing--it is a self contained continuous thought. Kudos. Lora	2010-06-09 16:19:55
"Uniforms" Should Be Worn With Pride	DeniMari Z.	Deni, I found this an excellent piece of modern poetry. Your casual rhyme pattern appears non-contrived while your verbiage and meter convey deeply pondered thoughts and philosophy. Your poem reads smoothly and the flow moves the reader along with ease, yet one needs to read this several times and ponder each section to be able to fully appreciate the impact of your words and thoughts. At first blush; the civil war era was brought to mind, then-the present now of our political system with the tables of the players from the civil war reversed. However, as one thought leads to the next, I wandered from the political arena to the state of our oceans-BP's misconduct and manuevering to finally rest on the subject of Helen Thomas and her personal opinion remarks about the Jewsih people and what they should do. Mind you--I believe in free speech--however as a reporter I thought that one was suppose to report fact not their personal opinion. Yes, your poem address' many arenas and they are all found measured and wanting. This is brilliant writing--by far one of your best. Kudos. Lora	2010-06-08 20:32:36
Mirror Mirror	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, A very astute look into one persons life, how time circles back on itself and what changes have occured. I enjoyed your presentation, and the casual rhyme used throughout. Your word smithing creates a colorful image in the mind; one to ponder, to contemplate, one that some of us might be able to emphathize with. In the closing you elude to there still be hope even if it might be a wistful thought. Very well done, good phrases, possibly one of your best. Wadoh--Lora	2010-04-21 14:43:36
Vacant Echoes	cheyenne smyth	How beautifully penned, such poignant and haunting phrases, your words are as echoes themselves. Your cadence lends an easy flow that glides down the page while your choice of words drip like honey from the tongue to paint vivid images. Alas, in the end it is so sad when one realizes that those most inner of feelings--nagging uneasiness pan out to be true, devestating--no reprieve. A very enjoyable somber soft read, one that lingers in mind. TC Lora	2010-04-20 12:36:11
Keep Him Out For Good	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Just a couple of little nits: you need to put an apostrophe in dream's, it is possessive and uncap the word Lest since is part of the thought although you want a pause between it and face. Nicely written, the age old problem, Satan's subterfuge is ever present. Yes, he uses any tool available, he is so very good at sabatoge and the game of masqurade, the picture you present is succinct and clear. Your fears and concerns are well voiced in this finely crafted work. Lora	2010-04-16 23:26:52
Lost Miracles	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, welcome back--it has been way to log since you've honored us with one of your writes. This is a very sage poem written by an accomplished pen. The cadence marches through without a hitch, you spread the story before our eyes and in the back of our minds we must realize that you not only speak of flora and fauna but of a people and their sacred elders who are all but disappeared; their voices but a soft almost unheard whisper. Your word smithing is astute as should the reader be in paying close attention to the gift you've shared. I especially appreciate your closing line, what a poignant question and so timely. no nits or spags from this reader. Most enjoyable. TC Lora	2010-04-16 23:19:14
A Cottage	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne this is such a gentle bright poem. The structure is tight and flows easily with colorful verbiage that creates picture perfect images. The subtle enternal rhyme helps to create a most pleasant sound as the poem is read aloud. Your descriptions are succinct as while presenting wonderful imagaes they also deftly depict the art of needle point or cross stitch...another postcard from days past. Thank you for treating us to this chance to step out of time and relax for the moment. TC Lora	2010-04-15 13:43:44
The Vessel	cheyenne smyth	Awe, time for class. From your accomplished been we are treated to the rare Italian Sonnet with profuse images declared by your sumptous verbiage and gentle meter. An easy smooth flow makes this a delight to read both silently and aloud; preferrably aloud so as to enjoy the lilt of words as they roll from the tongue. Excellent in all ways, no nits or spags... then of course perfection needs no correction. TC L	2010-04-12 23:56:01
Magic Song	Joe P. OGrady	Joe you've presented us with a love poem that has been well executed, particular attention given to meter and rhyme. Very nicely done, speaks of the riders most tender and loyal feelings for another. This reminds me of a Hallmark moment, when the reciever is bound to ou and awe over the presentation of the poem--which will remain a treasured memory in that loved one's mind. Nicely done. TC L	2010-04-12 23:52:26
March On March! [vote]	Dellena Rovito	Though I did not participate I think you made wonderful choices. TC L	2010-04-12 23:48:23
MARCH VOTES WITH POINTS	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, While watching though not participating I have to commend you on your choices, I concure with your taste in poetry. TC L	2010-04-12 23:47:02
Last Dance With the Devil in Hell	DeniMari Z.	Deni, What an excellent poem. Triumphant in the end as always holding fast to faith knowing that God will enterceede and will keep you as his own as he always has. Yes, how would bliss be recognized without the agony that comes before. Your verbiage is most enjoyable and rushs reader through will a high count of emotion to lay gentle in his hands in the fini. The cadence, flow danced your reader through the poem and even in sudders chill at places, the need to continue was greater than the shudder. Thanks for a strongly written poem with much to ponder and to agree upon. TC--L	2010-04-08 17:00:36
Contest Winners	James C. Horak	James, You did a great thing with your contest and I applaud you. No need to send me any money--I had withdrawn from the contest by niether posting poems or critiqueing after the upset... no need to include me or send me a prize. Thank you for your consideration and kindness. TC--Lora	2010-04-07 19:35:43
My Quill	cheyenne smyth	This is such an eloquent write in iambic pentameter. The voice is lilting and carries the reader on wings of ecstacy in all it's delicious folds and meter. Such a perfect metered poem that softly crawls into the mind of the reader, I guess you could say that I'm really taken with this poem. Three quatrains of perfection with the added punch of well chosen verbiage makes this a delight to read, this is one that the reader will not soon forget. Oh to write such as this. Bravo and roses at your feet. Lora	2010-02-20 21:17:58
Fire Gazer	Dellena Rovito	This is excellent, you are definitely fine tuning this poem. I would say to be cautious of using anything that sounds like a cliche' or close to (fire in the belly) (spirit in the soul) however I think you can get away with it here... also keep an eye on repetious words (fire) although sometimes it can't be helped. I really like the feel of this poem and I think it speaks volumes to all of us... nice polishing. Lora	2010-02-18 17:15:44
Dying Winds	cheyenne smyth	A unique and delightful poem, speaks deeply to the heart and the sadness of careless words--their affects. I hope the feelings soon dispell, excellent in meter and word. Lora	2010-02-18 15:54:21
Scream - Repost From Year - 2001	DeniMari Z.	Deni, your words ring loud and clear now just as they did when you first wrote this. Alcoholism is a disease but it not only affects the alcoholic--it affects all those around the individual. It is a desestating disease as you say and no one can do anything about it except for the person in the middle of the crisis. I applaud the stand you took, it was the only one you could take with a child in the home. I also understand your pain I send my condolences. Your poem express's more than pain, but also of loss. Well written and presented, excellent. no nits or spags. Lora	2010-02-17 00:10:19
Planting	cheyenne smyth	This is so rich in textures, a wonderful free verse. Your choice of verbiage presents wonderful images, a oneness with the earth, sensual and intoxicating, joy and release to await ecstasy's return. Your well crafted poem moves the reader through your verse with ease as only an accomplished pen can. This is an excellent form for your choice of subject. A delightful read. no nits or spags. Lora	2010-02-17 00:04:32
To Write Like Poe	cheyenne smyth	Excellent in form and meter, a lilting easy flowing poem that brought a smile. Your choice of words create colorful images, those of your own and reminisence of Poe's Raven, a most enjoyable read. I like the way you've presented your final line for each stanza, as if it were a song. Perhaps, it might be, a song of the poet searching, although I think I like your style more than Poe's. No nits or spags. Lora	2010-02-17 00:00:59
Taken Down	James C. Horak	James you have such a gift for stringing thought to thought in such wisdom and grace through your word smithing. This read extremely smoothly, flows down the page too softly-- as you speak of faux security this emotes the same ease of lull that we are getting from the powers that be. I do not mean that in a derogatory manner, simply put; your formatting parots the subject matter sublimely and less someone is paying attention they might miss the deeper meaning sitting just below the words. So eloquently stated, give a hungry child a piece of candy and he will think all is well and that he has been cared for while the raiders will take the rest of his possessions and the seeds he has accumulated to prosper. A very deep and haunting poem that will not be relagated to some nether region of the mind. There is nothing to find fault with in this accomplished write of yours, I applaud you for standing true and straight. Kudos, Lora	2010-01-30 03:39:33
Autumn Echoes	cheyenne smyth	You certainly are accomplished at the sonet, so nicely written and delivered with is cadence that sweeps the reader down the page such as wind and leaves are swept in a path. The verbiage places delightful images in the mind and bespeaks so well of the season. This was a pleasure to read. no nits or spags. Lora	2010-01-29 16:40:31
Sun Shines Through Cracks	DeniMari Z.	I seem to remember your original, yes--, this is a bit leaner, more trimmed or that is the way it read for me. Again, it definitely gives the reader something to ponder, and even in its melancholy note the final strophe gives hope. Well written, had wondered if "gives" might have served better in the line "give such power" thought of course it is the poets choice. Thank you for an unusual read and a chance to read a work well accomplished. Lora	2010-01-29 16:37:23
Alone	cheyenne smyth	Chey, this bespeaks of a deep and sad feeling of loss, one that haunts the heart and soul. A nice free verse poem that embodies heart felt loss and confusion, a deep wretching depression that is only soothed by the tears that rack the body. There is nothing to find fault with in this poem, no nits or spags. Lora	2010-01-26 22:28:43
Sonnet Writing	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, this dances right along taking the reader within and enveloping the reader in a delicious cocoon of multi colored facets, sounds that live and the fresh rush of delectible verse. Your count is spot on, rhymes and meter are graceful and inviting. Well done. no nits or spags. Lora	2010-01-26 22:24:41
Whirligig	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, I really like this poem. It is such a fresh way of looking at life, at existence, of time. Wonderful verbiage that adds such a bright profussion of colored images, nice eye candy in snap shot vigenettes. A few suggestions if I may, use or loose them: Swaying like a pendulum Back and forth on the tree limb A girl in pinafore and bonnet Swings by the breath of [the-delete] wind She holds firmly to the ropes Stormy weather doesn’t prevent [The-delete] movement[,] [and-delete] to and fro[,] push [Of-delete] nature's seasonal venting Time was when she was new Set fresh, bright painted and unproven Years have [since-delete] settled around [Like-as] a midriff upon a matron Bearing each storm with patience She maintains her dominion Her colors faded[,] [from-delete] bright to pastel Her essence coolly hushed The tree once tender[,] [and-delete] green Now mature after [the-delete] years Ever her ally and companion Poised as means for her existence Like I said, they are just suggestions you can use or loose. I really liked this poem just the same. Best always, Wadoh-- Lora	2010-01-26 20:31:09
In confidence	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, I've read this several times and have been hesitant in reviewing. I know this is in the sonnet category all though with my limited knowledge of sonnets I can not put the correct form name to it. However, your 13th line is an 11 count. Also, might I suggest to use an elide for the words "brilliance" and "travelling" else some will pronounce them as 3 syllable words and thus your count will be off on those lines. The only other problem that hinder me was the repetition of the words: moon=4, close=3, eye=2 and unfortunately these do not allowing your poem the exaltation it deserves. Your content is the saving grace of this poem, rich in texture and introspection, a choice to stay solitary, isolit in the chance of better perception of your realm and it's cause and effect on your personna. Disolutionment, attonement, and the questions purposed to self seem to take poet to a darker side, one of less contemplation and more of a sense of mundane exceptance. An execellent poem to ponder although I do not feel it is you at your best. Peace, Lora	2010-01-25 22:53:11
Reflections	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, I love the word combinations in this, the actual thought patterns that produced this poem. Excellent in flow and meter and as it moves us to the end I find myself saying, yes-- bravo. Perhaps the epiphany comes with your closing line-- "I write, to perhaps explain myself...", and all the lights come on. This poem is envigorating and uplifting and I applaud you... throwing roses your direction. Lora	2010-01-25 09:17:17
Letting Go Is Easier In Your Own Time	DeniMari Z.	Deni, this is an amazing poem. You've grown so much in not only spirit but in your ability to create a poem of no little importance that leaves me in awe of your word smithing. While very poignant this remains most eloquent and is so deep in the layers of emotions that you serve to those who will see. Yes, we learn to cope while I feel we never really let go. Each spirit is so very important and part of our own being that is as if someone chopped a piece of our being away. While we learn to live with the pain it does not deminish the ache that comes with nor leave us fuller where there is now an emptiness. Excellent in flow and verbiage choice. There is nothing about this poem that I would suggest to change, I think it is one of your best on grief, loss and love. Kudos my dear. Lora	2010-01-25 09:11:52
the Eye That Sees	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, I have read this several times and still come to the same conclusion after each read. You have deftly described how depression feels to you, how you view it and how you deal with it. However, you need to seriously trim some of your words, words that are superfluous and add nothing to your poem other than to make it quite wordy. They do not enhance your poem, it is sort of like cleaning out a drawer where you have too much and it makes the drawer cluttered. I think if you go back and fine tune this, tighten it up; you will have a nice poem. Remember, poems shouldn't read like sentences of paragraphs broken apart to the format of a poetic style. This is probably clear as mud, however we need to leave something to ponder for the reader and allow them to fill in their own small words where we leave out the small words. I do understand your thoughts and sentiments and they are most viable. I do hope you will consider reworking this and resubmitting. Best to you... Lora	2010-01-25 02:09:30
Tears Fall	cheyenne smyth	This is an exquisite free verse poem that so deftly describes the throws of depression. Your very accomplished pen has given us a snapshot view of the mind as it tries to deal with melancholy... In such a brief poem you've said so very much and have conveyed your thoughts very well. I believe I truly liked the fresh line/s "drowns me,in sharp,edges" and your last stanza the most. Thank you for sharing with us. Lora	2010-01-24 19:53:17
Waiting	Rene L Bennett	Rene, your sentiments are well understood in this poem of woe however I do feel that your poem would fare better if you'd tighten it up; remove some of the superfluous words that don't add to your meaning and only make your poem wordy. I do sympathize with your thoughts and feelings, they are true and well understood. YOu've conveyed your thoughts very well. Thank you for the read. LOra	2010-01-24 19:47:55
The Madness of Agenda	James C. Horak	Yes James, you've said a mouthful here and in true James fashion. It seems it is always easier to create or hypothisis a problem that has already had a solution constructed for it; sort of working backwards and then it is spooned out in small doses to create the appearance of some major theroms and resolutions. Unfortunately there are far too many who are/or have been, taught to except and not use discerning judgment; perhaps that is why the public as a whole has become so easily fleeced. Excellent write, good metaphors and nicely paced. Keep speaking out, truth is truth regardless of how others want to color it. No nits or spags, very good. Lora	2010-01-24 19:40:48
Reposts Allowed for Contest	James C. Horak	Thank you James for posting this. You are spot on as far as I'm concerned; there should be no problem with someone re-posting something if it has never been a contest winner. I think many forget that there is that option, so thank you for the reminder. Lora	2010-01-24 19:25:55
Left Behind (Revised)	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, this is a very sad and poignant tale of long enduring love and the final moments as the death rattle soon overtakes a beloved. You've very nicely poetically chronicled a life of love and devotion; of ever being present till the end and yet-- in the resolute finaly you've even shown the strength of hope. Your structure lends its self well to your poem and your descriptive verbiage is most eloquent. The cadence with which your poem moves your reader through to end is excellent. A most enjoyable read, no nits or spags. Lora	2010-01-24 19:24:01
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