Jennifer j Hill's E-Mail Address: jjhpoet@hotmail.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jennifer j Hill	Critique Date
Forever Is Three Years?	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, Poet you are asking a valid question here with "Forever Is Three Years?" People tend to give up too easy these days in their relationships. Promises seem to mean less. People don't have the stick-to-it perseverence to stay with the one they love when the going gets a little rough. Sorry, I just had to get my two cents worth in. This seems like it should be a song, with it's repitition of "Did you love me forever For those three years?" Maybe I just want everything to be a song , but this one seems to sing it'self to me, kinda bluesy sounding. I can hear that blues rif between the lines as I'm reading it. You obviously are musical I have always wished I could write songs, but I can't read music. I can feel your pain through your words and know it hurts when someone does this to you. Time heals all wounds and I hope that your heart soon heals and you find someone who you deserve to love you forever and really mean it. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-03-16 17:55:35
Karl Rove's Nightmare	Leo Wilder	Hey Leo, That is too funny! I would love to hear the music somtime. You used some great rhymes and phrases to make up this very humorous song. Thanks for sharing it. What a hoot! Jennifer	2004-03-16 17:30:01
The Splendor of Fire	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, Wow is this sizzling hot poetry! I see your relationship with your muse is definately intact. *smile* "The Splendor of Fire" is such a great name for this piece. "I gather woods and ignite fire cook rice and frizzle bacon. The meal is served." mmmmmmmm I'm hungry for more of this! Frizzle is such a great word to use here. "Furnace flares; The warmth of winter. Kiln kindles; The strength of bricks." What wonderful alliteration you give us here and I also love that phrasing as well-(warmth of winter) "Fire sets my heart ablaze Lighting the place I dwell you There I built a window So I can pipe at your effulgent eyes. There I put a door So I can knock and talk to you. There I planted lilacs, When I'm suffocated I would scent there aroma and be revived again." I'd say your heart is definately intact and more-a beautiful place to keep your muse! This stanza goes along with the phrase 'home is where the heart is'-only turn it around and say 'heart is where the home of your muse is'.*smile* You always have a place to go back to, where you can enjoy the passion of your muse. Lilacs are one of my favs. I do have one slight suggestion. I think you meant "their" instead of "there" in line 9 of S3. Jordan this is quite lovely. Thanks for sharing it with us. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-03-16 16:19:16
Memories of Bertha	Sherri L. West	Oh my goodness, Sherri! This poem makes my eyes sting. I love it! Your Mom is Marilyn? Well that explains alot. You have shared amazing insights, not unlike your Mom. I love "coffee-coated/conversation/covers/contentment",your alliteration blows me away. These memories are the kind that remain with you a lifetime, shaping perceptions about what a Grandma should be, and warming the hearts of everyone here at TPL. What a great new addition to the link you are. Thanks for sharing this lovely , poignant memoir. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-03-14 23:26:31
Life Support (Revised)	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, your two changes (removal of 2nd just and hypenating slat sharing) do make this an even more enjoyable read. You just have such a great way of verbalizing concepts. I especially enjoy all the alliteration of rump/relaxed, falling /fast, midlife/moments, far/from/food/fairs. Your life went full circle and it seems that I have been reading about that from other TPLers lately. Thanks again for an enjoyable read. Keep sharing your gift with us, Mick. We love your sense of humor and serious side both! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-03-14 17:41:08
Untitled	stephen g skipper	Dear Stephen, This very poignant piece touches my heart so much and I just want to reach out to you and say: keep writing! Because if there is anything that helps the grief and hurt to go away, it is the processing of thoughts and feelings and the forward movement of time. And it seems only through the memories, that one is able to even want to go forward. If you hadn't loved her, it wouldn't be so hard. But if you hadn't loved her, what would your life have been? Love hurts, but it also soars. Remember? You express yourself well and I understand why you would feel this way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children, Jennifer	2004-03-14 17:25:52
Poems I Cannot Write	Sandra J Kelley	Dear Sandra, This is beautiful. Your use of irony is excellent with this title and first line. If indeed those things aren't love, what is. Your technique of decribing the color of the wave tips before (white), during (flame) and after (inky black)sunset is spectacular imagry. I especially enjoy "inky black" as I have seen the water at night take on the look of ink so your words call up that memory. I can feel the wet plastered hair and see the see the snowflakes fall against the black backdrop. This imagry of calling upon memory is slendidly executed! I don't have any suggestions for revision, but couldn't let this go without taking the time to comment and wish you well with your anthology. Good luck to you, Jennifer	2004-03-14 14:53:37
Life Support	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, I'm so glad to see you're still here (no thanks to my support, since I was gone all last month!) I so enjoyed your poem "For Mom" and was sorry I never had time to comment on it, as it was exquisite. This is an interesting piece. :) I see you still have a way with words. I especially enjoy the phrase flashes of darkness, such a great oxymoronic sounding description. Ok, Heres my take, but I'm not good at this, and I'm not feeling real serious, so I just know you'll tell me the real story. This seems to be the story of your life, written in terms of flooring. :) and your writing history. You started with humble beginnings (dirty wood slats) and were just happy to have a few friends who accepted you for what you were. "just" twice in the same line is a typo I'm betting. Then your station was elevated by the money you made (marble) and you got older, a little lazy or at least lax, and older meant your hair thinned out. :) HAHAHA. I'm sorry.It's just that I went to your site and saw your picture of you (I'm making an ass out of me and you) holding a baby. Is that your daughter? She's crying real big and you're smiling. It's a cute picture! Anyway, getting back to the poem... Sounds like you had a midlife crisis and now you're happily enjoying scraping the bottom of the barrel with all us losers at TPL. :) I'm sorry, Mick. I don't know what's got into me! I reall ydo like this piece and I thinks it's accurate to say you have moments of brilliance! OK, give me the explanation. Peace, Jennifer ps I like the title!	2004-03-13 17:44:39
japanese verse 40 (Petals)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Ezrahl, I haven't had any time to critique this month, but I wanted to make sure you know that I read this and all I can say is That's beautiful! And so true. And I thank you. Jennifer	2004-03-07 14:34:58
A Life Sentence	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I know this is late with it being the last day of the contest, but I really want to comment on this poem. You bring up with a very important issue. It's no surprise as to why this poem is so popular. It brings a problem to light that many women are dealing with now and it does it in a way that helps us either sympathize with them or relate to the experience. "A life Sentence" is an apt title for this piece. A title that makes us know right from the beginning, this is no picnic. The first stanza has a bit of surreal flavor to it, what with the whispery shadows and Mother's face, the full moon, dimming at dawn, and the language like "susurrant, penumbral places." that you have used. The scene is set to give us a creepy feeling. And the feeling gets more overbearing (alot like Mom) as we read stanza two and three with the description of dear old Mom. It's an all too familiar scenerio these days (especially because we live longer now)with the daughter feeling the pangs of obligation and lack of being loved. It is obvious that she is wondering whether Mom is going up or down when she passes, since Mom hasn't exactly practiced the Love Commandement. Sad, isn't it. Your use of fresh language, rhyme and assonance all make this a memorable poem. At this point I am planning to Mother-sit for the first person I can find in this situation. Seems as though she would benefit a little time away. Thanks for an eye opening poem. Blessings, Jennfier	2004-02-07 18:49:15
Tornado	marilyn terwilleger	Dear Marilyn, This is great, I would never have known it's your first. Considering the power an Acrostic wields, this seems the perfect subject matter. A "Tornado" is one of Gods most powerful creations. It's awe-inspiring to watch as it reeks havoc. This is an apt description. I was going to suggest for the end to be 'of all in it's path, but I rather like your image of the storm slapping out destuction much better than anything I could suggest. Congrats on successfully achieving an Acrostic! My Best, Jennifer	2004-02-06 13:38:05
Blue Tide	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, These words comfort me like an assuasive balm. Your message comes at a time when I have been a tad stressed by the weather (8 beautiful inches of snow out there) and all the things I am behind on because of the weather. The good part of my circumstance is that my dear husband finally was able to revamp my pc, so I can't complain one iota. And now I find this offering on my list. What more could a girl want? When the "Blue Tide" comes rolling in, it knocks a person off course and engulfs. I can't think of a better, more accurate title. But this works on more than one level. When my days are hazy with tristesse, my heart a burden of regret, my soul seems polarized." An apt description of depression, but more than that, of letting the evilness of the World drag you down with the good/bad battle. Your rhyme of days/haze gets the rhythm started. Assonance with soul/polarized adds to your rhythm. You'll probably laugh but I can just hear B B King belting this out. There’s a blues song in this just beggin' to be played and sung. :) But with the use of ‘tristesse’ (French word for melancholy sadness) it might need to be Zydeco instead of blues. :) just kidding, but there is a song in this poem! "Eidolons of entropy seize my self and my up is buried in mire, no desire to please nor ascend." Sometimes it all just seems too much to even fathom how to push through the quagmire and rise above the burdens we place on ourselves. I especially like the way you use 'my up' in this stanza and then 'my down' later in stanza five. It adds a balance to this. And again more rhyme/rhythm with seize/please and mire/desire. "Riven and unshriven in my state of disenchanted duality, I realize it is time to revise my reality." It’s usually when we reach a state of brokeness, that we are truly facing our reality. These fresh rhymes of riven/unshriven and duality/reality and realize/revise are blowing me away, Not to mention the meaning of what you are saying here! “With that insight, a score of sun-lit airs pours inside to luminesce, to erase the shadows” “and replace them with lambent light, chiming as a timely angelus might. Music lifts my down, turns the tide” Insight is exactly the right word for it. Light eradicates the dark here. Score/pour keeps your rhythm going into the perfect enjambment, And another rhyme of erase/replace. I love the way you bring music into this With “chiming as a timely angelus might.” And also the word tide which ties right into the title. “around, and supplies a sarabande of sound. All provided from above to thrill and fill me with undivided love.” More rhyme of around/sound and above/love supply the eveness and end on such a wonderfully positive note. Also sarabande ties in with what I have been saying all along. This is a song unto my heart. And where does all this light and music come from? Above of course, where else? I feel lighter and loved. Thank you. I know that a life sentence is the most popular of your poems this month and it does address an important issue, but for me this is my fav of yours this month. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-06 13:15:45
japanese verse 38 (Seahorse)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Ezrahl, What a delight! The imagry of this piece gives pause to this reader to sit a bit and picture this scene in my mind. I see the stallion with it's coral chariot. Outside it's snowing, with about 5 inches already on the ground since this morning. It's a beutiful, yet stark difference from here to there and there(at the reefs) is where I want to be. Reading this gives me much-needed-hope that sometime this summer, I will be in the reefs. Thanks for planting such a lovely image in my brain! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-05 15:00:24
Love As A Postcard	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick , with Valentines Day approaching, I am not surprised to find this offering. I consider you the King of Love poems. This is a different spin on love. I think I want to recieve love as a package from Tivol Jewelers. :) You add an air of mystery with: "Alone in the post On a day when most Folks received no mail at all." and: "And on the back in faded ink; Signed, Someone Near." This is a nice touch. Theres kind of a quaint, nostalgic flavor here also, because long ago (certainly before I was born)postcards used to be the preferred communication before the advent of telephones and of course now email. I remember that my Mom had a box of postcards that she traded with relatives and friends she saved over the years. Your use of rhyme adds dimension with post/most, scene/serene, here/near, better/letter, sent/went. The idea of love as a postcard as opposed to at least a letter or better yet a fancy homemade valentine with a love poem in it, is an intriguing thought. Even when it's sad or heartbreaking love, you're still the King, Rick. And you never gush. I like that. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-05 09:56:46
japanese verse 36 (Ku Klux Klan)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Ezrahl, Now this I never expected. I bet you are getting a wide variety of personal reactions to this, considering the subject matter. The "KKK" were notorious for their percecution of anyone not like them. This perfect 5-7-5 Senryu also reads as a vertical acrostic with "known killer knights". That is quite an amazing feat you have accomplished. Extra, Extra, A two-in-one poem! The alliteration of the hard "K" in keep/kinship/kaleidoscope/kerosene adds a cohesiveness to this piece, as does the known/knight allit. The use of kaelidoscope is an interesting choice of words. At first I was appalled because of the context in which you used a word that would normally describe something delightful and multifaceted, until I realized the "KKK" persecuted a wide variety of equally diverse individuals, which indeed qualifies. My hat is off to you, Erzahl! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-05 09:00:39
Shadow's last sigh	marilyn terwilleger	Hi again Marilyn. This poem is like a breath of much needed fresh air for this reader. The title gives an air of sweet wistfulness that is charming. Right away rhyme rings in our ears with upon/dawn/gone/yawning, so melodious as it springs from the page. Theres a feeling as though I am soaring right along with you over the meadows and plain, ocean sands and field of tawny grain.(more rhyme with plain/grain) And music isn't all that jumps off the page, also vivid imagry leaps out and grabs the reader's mind. I can see the smokey gray blanket and the deep purple mist. Great use of color while waxing about shadow! Intriguing! Nice rhyming with gray/lea and seas/trees adds to the rhythm and music. This is my favorite stanza: "When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die" Imagry never looked so beautiful as here. I wish I had written that. Rhymes of sky/die and assonance wafts trough with light/ignite/sky/die. The use of slithering here really adds to the imagry and the metaphor of the shade is awesome. wily/winds/wave is a fresh allit that adds life to this. With fade/shade and die/sigh you have extended your rhyme from one stanza to the next! I love the way you employ the title again here at the end. This one has much to offer and I have a feeling I'll be reading it over and over. Thanks for the distraction from everyday life. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-03 13:14:52
DENIAL	Mick Fraser	Wow Mick, this is powerful! Consider me convicted. An Acrostic is a mighty form, but subject matter can add to, or detract from, that strength. In this case it's increasing. Excellent Metaphor that is reinforced with imagry in every new line. I can identify with the overall feeling of this piece, also, Probably because I lived there for most of my life. hehe. But all kidding aside the descriptive langusge used here is very effective and fresh. Your versatility as a writer is inspiring, Mick. So far I've seen you write well with humor, romanticism and now serious reflection. What next? I can't wait to see... Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-03 12:19:48
japanese verse 37 (Top)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Ezrahl, Hi, and again what a pleasure to read this one! Yes, I couldn't agree more that the spinning top has a graceful look that charms the socks off of young children. My dog is totally intrigued by them, as well. hehe Your choice of words here is very entertaining and unique. Thanks for this delightful offering. Blessings Jennifer	2004-02-03 11:08:21
beep-beep	Thomas Edward Wright	Just a thought...It's your God Complexes you should be measuring and comparing...sorry...never could pass an opportunity endear. jj	2004-02-03 11:00:12
Porcelain Dolls	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Deb, It seems from your poem that ammends have been made, but favoritism is such an ugly, hurtful thing. This poem should serve as a reminder that we probably all need. Now that I have grandchildren, I'm always very careful to not play that game. I like the way you name this offering "Porcelain Dolls" and then bring the subject back to the title at the end. The title peaks the readers interest and the poem keeps us wondering how this will fit in. The structure of tercets and lack of punctuation causes this to flow nicely as the story unfolds. You take the reader back to childhood, when our Grandparents would visit. A time of excitement for all, and I'm sure to watch your siblings with their expensive gifts was quite hurtfull. The nostalgic flavor added by reminding us of Lincoln Logs, erector sets and Life sized dolls is great. I enjoy your phrasing of "mommy pretending", as well. Isn't strange how times have changed. Back then, we were taught to always be polite, no matter what? Now road rage is common. Another thing I like about this piece is in stanza 9, you talk about how differently your Grandfather loves your Mom. Isn't it interesting how relationships between parents and children develop and grow over the years? I find this facinating and I'm glad you noted it. Thanks for sharing this piece of your past with us. We greatly benefit from your reminder through your experience. Blessings, Jennfier	2004-02-03 10:20:22
I Must Go Down To The Sea Again	Mell W. Morris	Finally, Mell. Only you could do this title justice. I've had such bad computer problems. The body count (computer bodies, that is) is at 2. First my pc bit the dust, then I killed my dear husband's laptop. What's a girl to do? Now I'm on his pc. Lets hope my luck doesn't continue! You're talkin my language here. Ahhh....the sea...love it...love love I saw this title and wild horses could not drag me away from this read. Thank you thank you thank you. and my soul thanks you too. Your beginning plea and invitation, employing the simple rhyme of sea/be/me draws the reader into this visual and sensual piece. The word aggregate is an alliteration all by itself. :) And I love your use of it here. Especially since it enables you to use the rhyme of clouds/shrouds so perfectly. Pinch me someone, I need to make sure I didn't just die and go to heaven. The "S" of shroud/scurries/south/sea all whispering through the rustling/reeds beackon this reader to lay back and listen to the message of the sea. I close my eyes and I can hear it, calling me.(only because of your desciption) And I can see the clouds collecting together as one and scurrying off, as is the way of the seaward weather. The soft rhyme of blessings and rustling add a nice touch. Ah yes, water sanctifies.(like the touch of the Holy Spirit on your soul) "Water sanctifies and stirs like the touch of a sword to a shoulder which be-sirs" This is brillant how you compare the sanctifying and stirring of the water to the be-srring touch of a sword! Your "S"es just keep whispering along. One would almost think you are talking about the Lord in this stnaza where you say "Your presence here is the clear essence I need. By the sea beside me, your reach and scope royally fulfill me. " After all He is our bridegroom. :) Stirs/be-sirs is a fresh rhyme, as is presense/essence, which works cohesively to bridge us to the next thought. Then: "The hope in your face, the grace in every inflection infect me with passion and affection. Come, stay at my side and if you deeply care, share with me the neap of the tide." This stanza is awe-inspiring for this reader. First, just the rhyme is so great with face/grace, inflection/infect, passion/affection, care/share, side/tide. But it's not just the rhyme here, it's also the music you've managed to just kind of whisper through this, all of the sudden becomes crystal clear like the carribean waters. Your ending of "My love, be for me like the sea." is a plea that matches the opening line in intensity. Reading this poem is not like reading. It's more like experiencing. Thanks and God love ya, Jennifer	2004-02-02 15:05:23
Her Looking Glass	marilyn terwilleger	Hi MArilyn, This is cleverly written, but almost too sad for this reader. I hope this poem doesn't describe how you feel lately, but I'm afraid that's exactly what it does. You start by employing your title to give us a glimspe into the speaker's soul and we see a darkness that has overcome the light. Your use of alliteration-lack/luster, glass/glint/gleam, dark/dull/doleful, tears/thrashed, spirit/stealing, sun/shines/she, dimmed/death, shuddered/sigh, bleak/barren, frozen forever, and assonance/rhyme--soul/dull/doleful, peered/years/tears, hallways/walls,room/doom, cry/sigh, pleasure/forever all make this piece flow well. I wish I could do a better job of critiquing this, but it is just effecting me so much, my eyes keep tearing up that this woman is so caught up in the depression of her grief. I want to put my arms around her and give her a hug and tell her theres hope that she will get the gleam back someday, feel the soaring pleasure of love again. To accept the loss and know that someday life will be sunny again. Sorry, I'm just a hopeless romantic. Thanks for sharing this. Blessings, JEnnifer	2004-02-02 11:19:32
Blue	Jane A Day	Hi Jane, Maybe it's coincidence, but I think Blue must be the overall feeling we have in January, as I noticed there are other poems with blue in the title this month. I'm not sure I understand why(other then the fact it is quite lovely) this piece keeps pulling back for another read. The descriptions and images you give are signiture of style for you and this one is no exception here-also fresh and alive I might add. Blue is my fav color and with each new depiction, you give me a new reason to feel that way. And especially at the end. I wouldn't change a thing. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-02 10:34:30
Under my Mukluks	Mick Fraser	Mick, for all the ice in this piece, it's funny how it warms my heart. You have a way with words, there's no doubt of that. I am enjoying this more with every read. Right away I can relate to what you are saying and find it delightful with all the alliteration-- sun/shining, rays/reflecting, While/wind/whipped, striking/similarities, with/warm. You also employ assonance as if you invented the term. And theres just something about that word mukluks. It adds a definate northern flavor to this piece along with Aurora's hidden lights and other phrases. I think maybe there's a coma missing in line 9? Thanks for such an enjoyable read, Mick. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-02-02 09:41:40
A Vanishing Trick	Rebecca Lee	Dear Rececca, Welcome to the Link and if this piece is a representation of your work then I hope to see more of your presence here. This is an original/fresh idea which intrigues this reader. Our minds certainly can play tricks, but I like the spin you put on this. The title, "A Vanishing Trick" is apt for the subject. The way you lay this out like stream of conciousness goes well with the title and makes it flow extremely well. But,also I can tell you didn't just throw it together because you have obviously spent time pondering order and word placement. Heres what I mean by that: "the forgotten cabinet. the one we hope will disappear." putting "the one" by itself emphasizes this is something big we want to go away. The other word placements and just the general way you arranged this shows a definate gift for same to this reader. And, oh, can I ever identify with this, and I'm sure many others can too, because everyone has something they wish would just GO AWAY! :) I have only one slight suggestion--Lose the ~ . It's slightly distracting, but no big deal. Especially compared to the enjoyment of this read. So, thanks for sharing this and I look forward to more of your work. Blessings, Jennfier	2004-02-02 09:22:45
The Reader	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, I often want to just plant myself inside a Monet painting to meditate and enjoy the scenery. A few yeays back, I wrote a poem called "Walking into a Monet Painting". This is lovely, once again proving poetry doesn't have to rhyme. *wink* My son-in-law thinks it does. The alliteration in s1 with "shade shields" produces a whispering effect that couples well with the use of a Monet painting, whose soft brush strokes create a comforting effect for this art enthusiast/reader. The imagry and setting of the scene you start with is very pleasant as well, with moss-covered trees creating shade and a good book. What more could a person want! You use assonance with gone/wrong. This is a very enjoyable read. Thanks for allowing us to share a relaxing and inspiring mood. I would capitalize Cummings, but that's an insignificant typo. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-27 08:56:04
Falling in Love with Food (revised)	Mick Fraser	Mick, You've managed to make this even more hilarious. I'd say you have mastered parody. Can't wait to see what's next. Maybe a little song called "Derriere" (Teddy Bear) Muahahahahahahahahha It's nice not to have to be serious all the time. Thanks, Jen	2004-01-27 08:35:38
In Tribute	Ronda Michelle Nelson	Dear Ronda, Please don't ever get out of your historical story telling mood. This is such a great tribute and told in such a good way. These rhymed quatrains read slendidly and the story is one that holds our interest. I was a horrible American Hstory student, but I am convinced if I could have studied history in this format I would have learned alot more. Thank you for teching me about Dixon and his valient efforts and also showing me how much more intersting hisotry can be if presented like this! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-26 09:12:25
Falling in Love with Food	Mick Fraser	Mick, you are too funny. No offense taken. I don't know if it's just late and I'm feeling giddy, but you're cracking me up. "Can't Help Falling in Love with You" is such a catchy tune, now I can't get your song out of my head. I'm sure Wierd AL would have done this is he had thought of it. :) Overeaters Anonymous will be in touch. They want to use this as their theme song. Actually, Mick, it is a sin. *smile* The sin of gluttony and half of America is overindulging. Thanks for the chuckle. Laughter is the best medicine. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-24 01:39:09
The Card	Michael Bird	Hi Michael , I've nevered critiqued your work before, but I am trying to reach out more and I was so taken with this lovely tribute to Eliza Ann, I just had to respond. The title is intriguing which hooked this reader to find out more. Another intriguing thing is the rhyme. It is dispersed throughout the poem nicely, but without a scheme. Now I know some might find this distracting, but actually it makes it more informal, giving a more comfortable feel to the piece, which suits me quite well. It sems quite a miracle to find such a treasure in the trash. Something that old would be a family keepsake , I would think. What luck to have found it! First stanza glides into the story so easily just like a hand in a glove. The rhymes of day/away and clean/seen are an easy fit. The second stanza is touching when we find out that Eliza Ann died, yet someone loved her and wanted to remember her as being guided into heaven by angels. I especially like your phrasing "heaven's glove". That is such a comforting thought. The protection of heavens glove! There is awesome imagry in these lines! Your rhymes of above/glove/dove and side/ride/pride/died remind me of a song where the notes are so clear and ring one after the other like a bell choir playing a hym. The image of Eliza Ann in stanza three is sad but vivid and again you have rhyme with rest/breast. It gets meloncolie to think of how young she was and how it must have broke her parents hearts to lose her at such a young age. The rhymes of dear/clear years/tears in stanza four continue the song of love. Stanza five shows us how much this card has touched your heart, that you would think of visiting her grave to pay further tribute. With way/lay, feet/sweeet, can/Ann you end with more musical rhyme. It is like an almost cheerful end as you suggest it will include sun and flowers. I found this piece to have an old fashioned victorian style flavor which I especially enjoyed. Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute. I hope to read more of your poetry in the near future. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-22 17:46:26
acrostic 2 (Prodigal Son)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Ezrahl, I've waiting for this #2 acrostic and you have not let us down with this. I don't know how you do it but you have managed to perfectly decribe the prodigal son with in the confines of this acrostic form far better then I ever would have thought posible. I like the use of the word "People" implying anyone can be a prodigal son and that is so true. All it takes is the reckless attitude. "Roam" is a perfect fit and ties into "destructive invitations". These invitations of satan are very self destructive, endangering the very soul of the prodigal son. "God Accepts Lost Souls"-- Praise His holy name! because He sure does and without his acceptance we would all be doomed to hell. This phrase built into your acrostic is such a perfect fit! Like I said before, Ezrahl, I don't know how you do it, but I sure am glad you do it. "Offers Nests"---Oh my Gosh, you have just given me my morning devotional!!!! Yes, He offers a place in His protective nest. Where we like baby birds are holding our mouths open and letting Him fill us. Thank you so much for this offering to the Lord. This is SWEET!!! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-22 08:53:09
Can You (Still) Get That Over the Counter?	Thomas Edward Wright	tew: Is this when you decided to be a doctor? This is very personal. Reminds of the time I played doctor with my cousins. But then thats another story all together. *smile* you puzzle me with "Maybe if I take two." enlightenment? jj	2004-01-21 13:00:45
Beautiful	madge B zaiko	Dear Madge BEAUTIFUL! Would love to read the play. Your opening line, "I've always stumbled, drunk in the hopes of love." caught me hook, line and sinker right from the start. That one phrase sums up the whole of what you are saying and I think speaks volumes to any reader. We all want to be understood and thought of as beautiful inside and out. The truth is that most times we seem to look for love in all the wrong places. It took me a life time of heartaches to actually find love, because I forgot to look within first. I see that revelation within the lines of this poignant piece. I think this is a poem most people can relate to. Assonance is a tool you used well in this piece. You've got a good mix of soft rhyme here, both slant and end with stumbled/fumbled, toss/lost, embracing/erase/faces. Coupling the rhythm and rhyme you add a musical touch to this and I just really want this to be a song. Whats the name of the play if you don't mind my asking? Your gift is evident in these lines. Thank you for sharing this. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-21 10:32:27
For Mikey and Naneen	Thomas Edward Wright	TW: You have a talent for wrenching my heart right out of my chest so gently and firmly that it never misses a beat. Guess that makes you a surgeon...or a poet...or something Speaking as a Mom, a nurse and a child of God, (and someone who has lost a loved one) some people are only put here on this earth to spread Love. And they do such a damn good job of it. But they're just never allowed to do it as long as we want them to. That's the only shame of it. You do a service that most don't have the brains, heart or stomach to do. Thank you for that. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-19 22:18:18
Minipo’ms (inspired by Bienvenido N. Santos)	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Hey April, this is good stuff! What a nice tribute and I have to be honest and say I have never read anything by Santos til I read your poems here. The first one is quite an energetic and joyful piece that is unique in my humble opinion. It's fresh and alive and everything I want poetry to be. The second one is more of the same except I had trouble connecting what the snowballs had to do with it. I'm sure this is probably because of some ignorance on my part, but please explain this to me. At any rate I enjoyed these immensely. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-19 11:51:55
Michelle	Claire H. Currier	Dear Claire, This is a lovely tribute to your daughter who sounds Like a daughter to be proud of. I remember when I was a young girl, I always wished my name was Michelle because I loved the Beatles and they had a song with that same name. I always fantacised they were singing about me. There's rhyme and also assonance with flows/oh/so/rosey/go and ways/gaze that make this flow. Aren't daughters such fun! Mine came for a visit this weekend from Mississippi and we had such a great time talking until we were blue in the face. I've missed her so much since her family moved away two years ago. Thanks for sharing this sweet poem. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-18 15:46:12
Delay	Regis L Chapman	Dear Regis, This is clear/concise and does not waste words. It's also quite uniform with rhymes of line/fine and way/delay and "A" assonance with make/way/delay. The lack of punctuation makes for a simple easy flow. I think everyone in this hurry-up-world can relate to this message. It seems we have delays every where these days. I can't remember the last time I got on the highway and didn't have to stop and wait in a long line of traffic because of a wreck or some such delay. Then there's the airport, but I don't even want to go there. Your additional notes ring true for this reader. I have no suggestion for revision. Thanks for sharing this, Jennifer	2004-01-17 17:23:47
Trance	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Whoa Jordan, pull back on those reins just a bit. I feel like I've been on a wild ride! Was your "Trance" induced by reading Bobby T's Mustang poem and being inspired? *smile* or did you just eat too many sugar cubes? *smile*. I hear horses love sugar cubes. This "Trance" is alive with images right from the beginning with: "My castle in the air took me to the jungle of Alps where bestial cries glutted my ears as I traipsed like a waif." Sounds like the beginning of quite a scary adventure. You have assonance with castle/air/Alps and also with traipsed/waif adding a musical tone. "Owl hooting, wolf howling, prowling lion roared in truculence." With your ing thing you give us sound(hooting/howling) and movement(prowling) and rhymes that entrance us. "Scared by the horrendous bawls, I galloped through the prairie, panting, lily-livered, scouting a snug home." This where I think you could even substitute the word "spooked" for "scared" as it applies to horses and their nature to be scared by noises. "Then zephyr chattered relief as skylark warbled and dove cooed amorously while the ravishingly sweet lilacs lured my wits." There is a richness to this phrase that soothes the savage beast or the heart of a man, whichever we are really talking about. *wink* "I began scouting you out among peduncles. Turning you up, gruff cries squelched, The solitary din outlived--the whinny of my prancing heart." How exuberant this is! I love it. It brings to mind unrestrained LOVE! "I emerged as your palfrey, saddling you at my back as I loped throughout my trance." This rich, beautiful poem represents to me the nature of a man. They have a need. A need to overcome evil, have an adventure, and of course to save a beauty. Jordan, you've touched my heart with this! Thank you. And thanks for sharing such a wonderful trance. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-13 13:14:30
The Apostrophe: Enos at the Bacchanalia in Cozumel	Thomas Edward Wright	My My Tom, that is some title, or for that matter, poem. It reminds me of an old Star Trek episode. The beast at Tenagra or something like that.*smile* It's obvious you have a gift. Anyone who can write with this expertise about a football team (who just happened to beat the Titans 17-14 that day)and in such a way that no one could be sure that is what you're writing about, has my respect. New England Patriots-The Champions of the world? yeah yeah yeah respectfully applaud the obvious winner Love the "Q" allits. Blessings, jj	2004-01-11 16:30:55
cleansing	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, I missed your critiquing presence here this past month and hope it was just the business of the season that kept you away. One thing I like about your poetry: I never know what to expect. Each poem is very different. You're creative, not afraid to try anything and this piece is no exception. The concept of cleansing in this way is an intriguing idea, So, right from the getgo you grab this readers attention. The pictoral imagry creates a stir in the readers heart as this woman's form is framed by the evening light and fire and I am wondering what has happened to her to make her use such resolve. I prefer to think of her as putting the past behind her in an effort to move forward, yet it is hard for her to let it go without at least acknowledging what was there. Your use of imagry continues with her tears and I especially enjoy the way you vividly describe the pages burning in the fire. This reminds me of what is experienced when one is "saved", how they acknoledge sin and put it behind them as they confess and accept forgiveness for each separate sin in an effort to cleanse the soul. I am left wanting more at the end and not really sure where she is headed from here. As I said before, this piece is intriguing. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-07 09:38:04
Establishing Vocabulary	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Your poem brings to mind the story of the tower of Babel, When one language was spoken the world over and the men decided that they would build a great city and tower that would reach up into the heavens to acheive greatness and strengthen the peoples resolve to remain together. The tower was to extend above all else as a symbol of their religion. The Lord not wanting them to grow prideful, confused their language so they didn't understand each other and scattered them over the world. It intrigues me that the Greek word Babel means confuse or confusion, and that the pride of the people is said to have caused Divine intervention in such a way. You have written such an extraordinary poem here, plangent with assonance/consenance/rhyme like a hym of praise, right from the opening line. You start with nascent/incipient to describe mans humble beginning on this planet and your language penetrates in the most placating of ways. A slant rhyme of man/spans/clan is used in such a way as to add music and rhythm as only you can do. I couldn't in a million years master the rhythmic trick of using words like elated/uncalculated and incantatory/a chant of glory. Thats unparralelled use of rhythm in my humble opinion. The sun sinks/think----what inspiration. The sun sinks to think and fathom. Is that why sometimes when I'm laying in the cockpit of the sailboat, with the sun shining warmly on my head, it almost feels as though I am literlly being filled with knowledge of natures joyful song? *smile* I can't decide if I like what you are saying better, or the way you are saying it with language rhythm like lexicon/halcyon, soul/goal, appeased/please, concern/learn, complete/great, rung/tounge. Both I believe is the answer. This truely is my favorite for this month, for sure. I think. Yes. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-06 18:39:08
Saluting Robert Creeley	Mell W. Morris	Mell, Short and sweet. I went to church tonight and gave my testimony for the first time ever and then talked about the crisis pregnancy center where I volunteer. It was the most exhillerating experience. To come home and find this little peach of a poem is just is more than I could have hoped for. Talk about a great day. To be honest, I hadn't read any of Robert Creeley's poetry untill I read this poem. Then I did a search and read some poetry. He does have a unique style that is quite pleasantly intriguing. "dew-jeweled, fresh, renewed"--You outdid yourself with that one! The perfect rhyming is fabulous, but the pairing of dew and jeweled is simply scintillating. "Raindrops filled with treasure"--I can picture a thousand sparkling diamonds in each drop. treasure/pleasuring--I'll say! This is a treaure trove of linguistics and you are a semanticist if there ever was one. ( I think that is the right name for it) His words find emptiness and fill it. There's that music again. I can see the words dancing like musical notes as they hop to find the spaces to fill. Either I'm on drugs or this poem is causing a euphoric reaction. "Smoke signals are noisy compared to his spare speech"--amazing and an alliteration frenzy "simple, select, spare"---like 3 perfectly timed notes played on a magic flute and more "S" alits. "Merely a mouth like Noah's dove"--I can't think of a more dramatic yet flawless ending. This is wonderful. Got any chapbooks golden tounged lady? If not then we best get you started making em. And I want one. mmmmmmmmmm, thank you. Jennifer	2004-01-04 22:52:41
Life at ThePoeticLink	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Dear Jordan, This is a unique tribute to TPL. Uniquely from your perspective of starting out as an outsider from a country where English, the language of this site, was not your native tounge. Actually, I would recommend you call this "My life at ThePoeticLink", as it is afterall written from your standpoint. For someone who was a virgin, burdened with the English constraint, you certainly have made me sit up and take notice of your powerful wielding of linguistics. Just imagining you "stroking the alphabet on your keyboard" seems seductively poetic,*Smile* as does "I tasted the honey-effusing nectar". My My My, Jordan, your gift is sometimes astounding to this reader. I'd say your writing must have matured alot since then, because you are not what I would consider the least bit "Puerile" in your musings at this point in time. The development of your craft at TPL is a definate advantage for the rest of us here. And yes, I agree that TPL is a cozy home for all of us to learn and grow and have fun. I enjoyed reading this very much, but I think "Poetry (in the Tradition of Science)" is the one for my voting list. You did make the decision hard though, with this sweet tribute. Thanks for sharing this, Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-03 22:06:34
No Use Trying to Forget	madge B zaiko	Dear Madge , This poignant piece touches my heart and speaks volumes. You express yourself well here and this piece talks of the pain and suffering of brokeness in a familiar yet fresh perspective. I think many readers will be able to relate to the pain and hurt reflected in this poem. "I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart and put stone there to block but, Old wounds break open." This is a good analogy of the suffering and pain of unforgiveness that leads to bitterness and aloneness. (from my own experience, anyway.) This piece is very songlike. Do you have any musucal talents? Well, obviously you do, but, have you dicovered them yet? Seems to me this would make a good song. You have assonance with old/open in the repetitive phrase "Old wounds break open" which serves as a cohesive to glue the whole piece together and remind us of the pain which won't go away. There is more asonnance running through here (heard/heart, him/spin,) and also rhyme(knock/block,talk/block,room/tomb) and also alliteration (swell/swallow, spitting/spin/visions) to name a few that bounce off the page. "I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes praying they would go down but, Old wounds break open." I can SOOOOO relate to feeling this way. I tried many times to forget. But those old hurts just kept surfacing. "Spitting out the hopes I tried to block Until visions of him Spin around the room His arms like spider webs His heart; my tomb And all I want to do is rest... " This is fantastic and fresh the way you relate the visions of him spinning around the room and his arms like spider webs. Then, his heart being your tomb is another fantastic metaphor. Your ending ties the whole piece back to your title. "No use trying to forget." Nicely done, poet! Thanks for sharing this. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-01-01 10:20:16
japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Ezrahl, I think you have outdone yourself this month with your inspiring verse. I am now having trouble deciding which one of your poems I like best. This is a bright shining star on our poetry list and at a time of year when we love to be be reminded of the gift we have been given. You cleverly incorporated the star into this piece ten times, yes I did stop to count each one. Thanks again for your lovely Christmas Gift. God Bless you and Happy New year! My Best, Jennifer	2003-12-31 10:40:42
Visions of Yesterday	Claire H. Currier	Dear Claire, From your heart to ours, indeed! Thank you so much for touching my heart with your "Visions of Yesterday". What a gift you have! I am filled with a sense of having traveled beyond the rainbow to a world that is filled with the sights and sounds of deep emotions. This is packed full of lovely images like "diamonds dancing on the lake", Something I have watched hand in hand with the love of my life. "This is my favorite phrase: Happier days of long ago Shared together, you and I Tucked in the lining of my heart" Thank you to you and your Mother for this poignant, lovely piece. Blessings, Jennifer	2003-12-30 16:18:58
The Stoop	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, It all comes back to the stoop doesn't it? The perspective from the stoop is always awe inspiring, yet down to earth. Talk about the true simple pleasures in life. Enjoy the sunset while watching your child play and drinking iced tea. Your beginning stanza reminds me of a song called "My Favorite Things" from the movie "The Sound of Music" in a musical kind of way. All the things mention will pass away soon, but for the child, who Is anyone else hungry? :) "Marmalade of gold with orange striations" is an inspired buffet of asonance in and of itself, with both "A" and "O" sounds. The "I" assonace of "fresh-sniped mint" adds to the buffet and my senses are already watering for more, knowing I will not be dissapointed by this Mell original recipe. The "A" assonance continues with "array" and "face". We also have treats/sweet as another course of the buffet. All the things mentioned will pass away soon, but for the child, in whom the mother is carrying on the cycle of life. In stanza two you point out the mint sprig will be wilting soon. I like the metaphor of the mint wilting like energy in the late afternoon as this is a great visual. The images set in motion here are magnificent like the sunset you describe in stanza three. The allits of will/wilt and light/lasts add to our sensory buffet. There is yet more assonance with late/play and mint/sprig in s2. Then a well placed enjambment separating a rhyme of tea/sea and adding to the flow quite nicely as we are pulled along effortlessly, alot like sailing on a steady wind day. And speaking of sailing, I've seen some gorgeous sunsets in our sailing exploits and the description here is every bit as inspiring. The richness of color you describe gives this reader a vivd visual of the scene and makes me taste it as well . I like the way you incorporate music into the piece with words, not just rhythm, with the phrase "And so begins a tremolo of night's timbre, its color tone." What a beautiful touch that is! We go from the stoop to "stellar backdrop of cosmic curtains" which has an almost dizzying effect, but serves to remind us the universe goes on endlessly , as does life. But in that momnet of realization, we also see all the ways that God provides for us and how the cycle of life goes on. To me that is what you are saying here in the last two stanzas. cosmic/curtains is another of many allits and more asonnance with survive/side giving affect to this big realization. The slant rhyme of dearth/earth in the last stanza carries on the musical effect and again with on/dawn for a superb ending: "unseen life goes on until the sprout of dawn." My spirit has feasted with this one, Mell. Thanks for thrilling us with all of our senses. You're something else! Blessings, Jennifer	2003-12-30 15:41:36
Country Pumpkin	Claire H. Currier	Claire, You don't bless us often, but, you sure bless us good! Your poetry is always so joyful, like a celebration of life. I love that about you! This poem makes me laugh and giggle. It is a humerous masterpiece. Your tribute to country memories past vs city present is the most fun I've had reading poetry in ages. It vaguely of reminds me of a story book from my childhood. Love the title, "Country Pumpkin", and the use of free verse to tell the story makes it flow nicely. Starting with Come join me is an inviting beginning. It puts the reader at ease as we realize , right off the bat, we are accepting an invitation to have fun. The second stanza morphs into yesteryear and I enjoy the wording that signals the morph: "Before me opened a screen Of twenty or more years ago" You also have a slant rhyme of more/door and assonance with As/scratching/against and also handling/slam which adds a smoothness. "I did not see a thing Though two shots rang out Sounding like a ping pong effect One catches as it hits the cooking pans Though this one came from inside the tub" This stanza effectly uses imagry even though it starts with "I did not see a thing" . I am chucking big time as I picture the shot ping ponging. Your consonance with ping/pong bounces right off the page. The fourth stanza is just hilarious for this reader. I am now laughing heartily and so hooked I couldn't turn away if I needed to. "Who is the hunter and the huntee" indeed! In s5 you continue the hilarity with the image of you standing on the table. By now my abdominal muscles are convulsing! In s6 for about a half second, I wasn't quite sure if it was the hunter or huntee that fell. lol I'm again convulsing with laughter at the mention of why not in the hallway. It always has to be the most inconvenient place, you know. Then we come back to the present and your Mr Rabbit. Oh CLaire this is such a refreshingly fun piece! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I love your perspective on life. Blessings, Jennifer	2003-12-29 11:39:25
Snow * Revised into Rondolets*	Drenda D. Cooper	Wow Drenda, You have definately expanded your snow rondolet! There is no apology needed as while the first snow poem may have been not completely true to form, it was still quite lovely. This piece flows like light, airy snowflakes blowing in a slight breeze, tumbling slowly to the ground. And it's double the pleasure because it's a pair of rondelets. You kept the frication,assonance and alliteration and in no way have compromised the piece with the repititions, as they add a rhythm that was not present in the earlier version. This is a symphony of snow, playing in my head now. Thank you for sharing this musical revision. Blessings, Jennifer	2003-12-27 10:51:50
Snow ( A Rondolet )	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda! I just finished reading your wonderful blizard story/poem and now I find a rondelet by you! You like to dabble in it all, don't you? Well, if you think it's fun to try new forms, I have to agree. Trying new forms, creating new ways to express ourselves, using language like a magic wand to dazzle the world is great fun! And I love to be dazzled! This is actually a "variation" on a rondolet, because you have been extra creative and have not repeated your opening line on line #3 and #7, which is actually one of the rules for writing a rondelet. I think by using variation, you are able to keep the piece fresh and retain the readers interest to the end. I worried when I wrote rondelet, that it would be boring if it was repetitious. I saw your revised version under this one, but I wanted to commment on this original one before actually reading the revision so as to get a feel for where you are trying to take us with this. You really wow us with the fricative "f" sounds of falling/feathers/floating/flow/flurries/ fragile/flakes giving a soft fluttery effect to this piece. I also like the snow/flow/blow/glow rhymes that your have inserted, making the flow of this piece simply lovely. Your alternate rhymes of ground/sound/around create a harder sound that when coupled with whirl/wailing/mournful give balance to this poem in a most pleasing way. The possible expansion of this piece with your variation rhymes gives a dizzying aray of new possibilities. So I am now anxious to move on and see what you have done in your revision. Thanks for sharing this little jewel with us. Blessings, Jennifer	2003-12-27 10:32:33
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