Turner Lee Williams's E-Mail Address: mister_t25@hotmail.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Turner Lee Williams	Critique Date
japanese verse 46 (Hyenas)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--This most certainly is traditional/basic haiku: 5-7-5 syllables/three lines/nature themed. The descriptors definitely fit the despicable hyena. Although sneaky/crafty, this has to be one of the laziest if not biggest cowards in the wilds, consistently taking advantage after other animals have worked hard to make kills. And, to add insult to injury, appears to always have a ridiculous sarcastic laugh before, during and after it's dirty deeds. Thanks for sharing another of your great visuals. TLW	2004-04-25 00:40:46
The Last Visit	Sherri L. West	Sherri--These are the poems I have trouble reviewing: the heartfelt, sad and gutwrenching personal tragedy ones. Nothing complicated about this piece; straight forward plain language used in penning this narrative poem which indicates the depth of compassion, love, respect and reverence by the speaker for the protagonist. All the symptoms expressed throughout the piece leads this reader to believe the loved one (grandmother) was a fatal victim of the degenerative and debilitative disorder known as Alzheimer's disease. Depending on the severity/age of victim(s), it is one of the most difficult and saddest things to witness (especially if one knew the afflicted when he/she was vibrant and lucid). My favorite lines(and I had to pause before continuing): "I came seeking comfort from my past and left with strength from yours You gave me a gift you didn't know you had." (POWERFUL STUFF) Although simple, the title chosen for this tribute piece is very appropriate: it appears "The Last Visit" took place at a nursing home/facility; the verbiage/theme has a feel of finality; The essence of the visit is portrayed with descriptors which gives reader(s) such vivid imagery that tears at he heartstrings (and caused the tears of this reader to flow freely). The ending needs no expounding; it is what it is (emotional beyond words). Thanks for sharing this Elegy with fellow TPLers. TLW	2004-04-22 06:37:08
Haiku:Glory	Valene L Johnson	Valene--This Japanese verse is correct in format (5-7-5 syllables/three lines), however, it is actually/technically a Senryu (based human nature). Haiku is a simple scene taken from 'nature' with concise verbiage used to convey strong feelings about it. Metaphoric language used create vivid imagery of manifested feelings felt by a personal revealation of the speaker. The slight misnomer does not distract from your profund sentiments which are obviously heartfelt. Thanks for sharing such a pious piece on the heels of Easter. TLW	2004-04-18 01:20:55
Why is it that.....	Sherri L. West	Sherri--My kind of fun piece for addressing some potentially serious and not so serious issues that we all face as we get older-smile. The tone used by the speaker is not preachy and therefore will appeal to a wider readership, thus, having a better chance for a desired positive affect. If we can't poke fun at ourselves--then we are in a lot more trouble than we think. I like the initial start (first stanza) which belies (I was completely mislead) the sequential increase in humorous antics throughout the remaining stanzas; and all in excellent 'unforced' end rhymes; they seem to flow quite easily while being pertinent to each situation. This was well thought out; is tight with a super twist/turn for the ending (you go girl!!). Write on!! TLW	2004-04-17 14:23:09
japanese verse 45 (Stream)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--As you can see you've inspired numerous postings of Haiku/Senryu. This is actually good for the site as well as the poets: practice makes the writtings better and the more postings the more popular the form becomes. I like them for many reasons: they helps me to write more compact/ concise and to select more precise words; I enjoy reading and reviewing them for my own edification. Well, enough about your influence and more about this excellent piece-smile. This one reminds me of hiking here in Arizona and finding clear cold springs pools high in the mountains with water trickling down cutting crevices as it goes to lower areas and pooling again. This simple direct verbiage produce quite a visual image for the mind's eye in a straight forward common manner. On the other hand, this could easily be metaphoric for something/someone seeking and finding freedom or release from a difficult situation(s)/problem(s). Still further, I could be totally off base and mis- stating your intentions for the verse. However, I did enjoy what I took from it. Thanks for sharing. TLW	2004-04-15 19:20:50
Canticle	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne--Love the title (I mean the sound of the word "Canticle"), I've added it to my word list. The great combination of personifications ("...each tilted face an upturned cup..."/"...each blossom's ers bare to sun..."/"...they breathe out..."/"...nodding..."/"...petals closing over tulip eyes...")and end rhymes (glistening/listening; sung/begun; deeply/sleepily; arise/eyes) create vivid imagery and excellent rhythmic tone. The repeat of the first two lines in stanzas #2 and #4 are not only supreb examples of fresh personification, but when inter-mingled with stanzas #1 and #3, serves as a celebration of the interim between the two twilights (morning and evening). This stupendous written (nonliteral language) piece should be put to music ASAP-if not sooner-smile!! Thanks for allowing us at TPL to share in this special effort. TLW	2004-04-15 02:21:09
Midnight Stallion	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--I'm afraid that initially I became Freudian with your post: I misstook "Midnight Stallion" as a reference to some sexual escapade (sorry 'bout' the figurative thought)-smile. Well, after your supreb opening line("In the leafless wilderness we stood face to face..."), I revised my thinking. The tone of this piece feels/reads like the speaker has a love for and heady knowledge of equestrian. Excellent combinations of metaphoric allits (face to face/coat the color/stallion of strength/peaks that prop/was wrapped/pounded and pulsed/steed shook/breath of bane)and assorted rhymes, slant/internal/ end, (face/embrace; midnight/flight; vulpine/time; mane/bane; stand/and/hand; renegade/engraved/ palisades; plain/chained) creates vivid imagery of an dream/omen. The end of the poem seem to have come full circle: "...the leafless wilderness..." could be synonymous with "...parched uncluttered plain..." at any rate the speaker/equestrienne has indeed, been greatly impressed by the confrontation. Thanks for an exhilarating read. TLW	2004-04-12 23:39:34
Thumb of Green	Mell W. Morris	Mell--Back with a vengenance: this Spring weather has set your Muse loose! Oh, where to begin? Okay, great seasonal piece; uh-um, saturated with Rhymes, all kinds, but mainly internal and slant (peas/ pleased; leeks/peek; fingers/lingers; glance/plants; curtail/fail; town/around; shared/care; green/ sheen; hat/that; part/heart) in conjunction with a sprinkling of allits (she softly sifts; cheerful care; that the; does driving) combines to create some awesome vivid sentiments and tone. An array of supreb Line breaks/enjambments enhances this tribute making it an even more bodacious read. The conspicuous lack of six-syllables does not make this common nor distract from the overall effect- tiveness of this human nature/nature statement-smile. The speaker's simple, straight forward, plain language belies the profoundity and poignancy of this musical piece. Even though the title is not Heaney-like, it is apt-double smile. TLW	2004-04-12 19:37:55
Haiku (She Digs It)	Marcia McCaslin	Marcia--You are right: not nature, but human (nature) behavior, which spells Senryu. This has all the proper techs (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/humorous slant). Suggestion:lose the caps at the beginning of each line. Other than that, this is cute and funny. Thanks for the laugh. TLW	2004-04-12 02:27:12
Run Mommy Run	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari--Lots of working "mommies" (and dads)can probably identify with this humorous piece. Great title and definitely in keeping with the theme. Nice descriptors takes the reader(s) thru a logical sequence of domestic and work related activities. Super rhymes (unforced) through the first three stanzas enhances the comical effect while creating vivid imagery and producing rhythmic tone. Small problem with syntax (equasion) and forced rhymes in the 4th stanza distract from an otherwise excellent read. A version/suggestion: "Run Mommy run from first sight of sun, sending fax to stay on track the corporate jungle is no longer fun Run Mommy run" Sorry for any misstating of your intentions. Thanks for your effort. TLW	2004-04-11 17:52:48
Who Slew My Daffies?	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--Thank you! Thank U!!--for the timely respite from the more serious postings. Great little humorous ditty that made me smile from ear to ear. How ironic, your "Daffies" also getting a respite from the "serious" winter. Excellent descriptors and analogy/simile creates some vivid imagery. Even though the daffies took a beating, this isn't about gloom and doom, this is about Spring and blooms/birds and bees. Thanks for the laugh. TLW	2004-04-11 16:31:56
Rising to the Occasion	Mell W. Morris	Mell--Combinations of internal/slant/end rhymes (rays/lave/allays/waves; grasses/mass; clouds/aloud Course/gorse; sway/away; river/delivers; span/man; fluorescence/essence/effulgence) mingled with nonliteral fresh descriptors create vivid imagery of natures gifts (on display) and produce nice rhythmic tones. These dynamics are prevalent in stanza #1/2 and continued through the first two lines of stanza #3. Excellent twist/turn-ending with enjambment in stanza #4 ("A coign of vantage-great phrase-delivers a span of nature surprised into fragrant fluorescence-"f" allit-..."): a peaceful/secluded water accessed area disrupted by the presence of humans, causing a flurry of activities in the wilds, which only serves to enhance the already picturesque visuals. Until your mention (in your profile/additional notes), I was not familiar with S. Heaney-this is a heartfelt tribute to a masterful Irish poet. Moreover, it is a supreb welcome back post. Thanks for the new "e" word and "great phrase". TLW	2004-04-11 00:32:40
At The Full Of The Moon	Marcia McCaslin	Marcia--The title at first made me think the poem would be morbid like a Poe piece. I would have been just as happy, but glad to see the full moon get some positive play-smile. Great figurative language (simile;"Light slides from the day like blue satin being pulled by fingers beneath the horizon") start setting the stage for a sequence of picturesque (allits;"Stars splash..."/personification;"...moon rocks back and forth..."/simile;"...like a rock cart wheel") images that causes the intended warm stirring in the 'young and old' ("Hormones dance around with urgency--") The dashes at the end of the 6th stanza gives an emphatic pregnant pause (pun intended): taking a clear shot at amorous events ("It could be now or never"). Assorted line counts for the stanzas makes for an interesting arrangement and overall excellent read. Thanks for sharing this lightly fanciful effort. TLW	2004-04-08 15:09:38
Passion's Pardon	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea--Your Senryu has captured the entire essence of the Gospel's Passion: such profound and poignant insights in a simple, direct and compact verbiage; all produced in 17 syllables-incredible! This stupendous effort needs to receive the widest possible dissemination. Forgive any misstatement on my part for your intentions. TLW	2004-04-07 12:45:54
japanese verse 44 (Cross)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--You've apparently started an epidemic of Japanese verses-smile. Everyone is posting them and doing a great job. Your "Cross" is no exception to an already growing list of supreb offerings in this vein. There was no need to apolozize for your poem. This appears to be a genuine statement from your 'creative pen,' and a pretty straight forward one at that: I see the "cross" as a banner/ coat of arms and the longer staff pointing the way to an after life home (heaven). The last line is plain language also. The entire piece is not complex-it's Zen style writing adapted very well by the speaker to the current 'sorry' state of world affairs. Thanks for the read. TLW	2004-04-06 13:04:22
Come Walk With Me	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--Great poetic piece! The speaker is inviting the reader(s) on a stupendous nature trek. Each quatrain is a separate resonation of the Supreme's architect as seen through the loving eyes (of the speaker) for both: nature and God. The fresh allits (softly scrub/cunning corridors/spasmodic shadows/fain footsteps/wind weaving/timber tops/syncopated sernade) not only create vivid picturesque images but produce excellent rhythmic tone. If I had a suggestion for improvement, it would be a small one--leave off the first refrain (the title is apt). This does not however, distract from a great read. Thanks for sharing this combination non- literal expression and plain language poem that so truely captures scenes from nature and paint them onto the senses. TLW	2004-04-05 23:59:53
No title	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea--And so it is-a fun piece, and quite the tongue twister. All technicals met (5-7-5 syllables/ three lines/based human nature) for this cute little Japanese verse. Coming on the heels of "Mary Jane" by yours truely and vivid descriptors, this whimsical ditty tells the reader(s) about a clear indication of "pot" smoking without any negative or harsh side effects. "Cannabis" would work well as a title if you are so inclined-smile. I hope I did not misstate your intentions. Thanks for another respite from the recent postings of excellent, but serious themed topics. I enjoyed the "R" allits; overall imagery and rhytmic tone. TLW	2004-04-03 05:27:34
"The Passion"	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--I almost passed on this one! Why? Well, just the raw emotional contents/verbiage of this free verse was enough to make my tears flow freely-honest! This does not read like a "regular" poem- per se,in my humble opinion, but a cry of total anguish at having watched a pretty accurate depiction (from the gospel) of the greatest horrific event ever. I think the majority of us at one time or another have seen or read some account of this story (crucifixion of Christ),however,your heartfelt rendered comments produce gutwrenching imagery unlike the past. I still have not seen the film, but will make sure I take plenty of tissue when I do and mainly because of your picturesque scenes. I know this was not a norman review, but that's because this was not a norman poem. I am sorry for not commenting on the poetics of the piece. I will do better on your next post-honest. Thanks for sharing this emotional effort with your fellow TPLers. TLW	2004-04-01 17:31:20
By the Pond	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne--This is a terse piece with the speaker having a close-up/ring side seat from their view "By the Pond." The poetics, present tense descriptors and gerunds makes this free verse resonate with vivid images of plants/flowers and waterfowl. The mostly metaphoric/nonliteral language starting with the simile ("...wild iris like green- dressed sentries...") and ending with double personification ("...snuggle in spring's pale womb-- a cradle full of summer with velve sighs to come.") gives the poem an almost multiple Haiku feel: This piece is saturated with beautiful picturesque nature scenes; the advent of spring with 'mo' better things coming in the 'summer'. I truely enjoyed this BONANZA! TLW	2004-03-30 00:52:46
High-ku	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea--This Japanese verse meets all techs (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/based human-nature). Fresh metaphoric allits (spectacular spots splashing...) for stars casted/twinkling/falling in the dark endless heavens and onlookers free to make: "one wish at a time." Nice satirical piece producing vivid imagery. Great word play with the title, creating a dual meaning: capturing the distance/height and the form (Haiku/Senryu) in the hyphenation. Thanks again for sharing such a picturesque effort with us at TPL. TLW	2004-03-29 17:03:00
Haiku	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea--First, howdy. That's how we greet out west-smile. I like this saturations of allits (...breasted branch bloom/crocus cheek.../...plays peek-a-boo/winter's woes...):these descriptors not only create vivid imagery but also produce a nice rhythmic tone. All technicals met for this terse Haiku (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/nature themed). Fresh metaphoric/nonliteral look at sure signs of winter ending and spring beginning. I only have a tiny suggestion for this standout piece: a title other than "Haiku" would give this a finishing touch (it does not however,distract from the read). In my humble opinion something like "Color of Spring"/"Seasonal"/"Spring". Sorry if I misstated your intentions, but thanks for sharing this great effort (it's reminds me of an Erzahl post). TLW	2004-03-28 13:34:05
japanese verse 42 (Pollination)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--This may be the best one just! Great as a duality piece (Nature themed-haiku/Human nature- Senryu): can be taken literal in plain language (human nature-boy meets girl) or nonliteral verbiage (nature-everything in your additional notes-as you intended-smile). What vivid imagery created by your descriptors either way. A picturesque spring scene. You're the master!! Thanks for posting. TLW	2004-03-22 11:46:59
Spring Quartet	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne--Fresh and colorful descriptors respectively (swing walking; lily-washed air; knobs of surprise; expectant feet; roaring the pond; singing wetly; ruffle white cloaks; orange knees)create vivid imagery for this supreb linebreaks piece which has a nice ebb and flow to accompany its rhytmic read. A combination of nonliteral expresssions/personification ("...determined to do what they were born to do:"; "...the whole sweet night night before them"; "...then I float in their black water, while the white moon wanders looking for her mate.") and plain language of stanzas #3/#4 lends a quasi-humorous and semi-romantic ending to this nature lovers delight. Thanks for this great welcome to spring. TLW	2004-03-20 07:15:42
Spring is Born	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--After the title, the 1st stanza gets this piece rolling with some unique descriptors (warbles; fawns; sober; singing)for this seemingly simple rotation of the seasons: a glorious warm spring is being ushered in by a waning of the winter months. The 2nd stanza (my favorite lines) continue this same vein but ups the ante with wonderful personifica- tion which creates vivid imagery of satirical proportions. The 3rd stanza present an array of allits (birds born; bonnie butterflies; red robins rejoicing) that highlight a duality element ("Gone are the belching spasms..." but "...born are dainty bonnie..."). The dual element is aptly repeated in stanza #4 ("The wind jarred forest yields..."; "...as warmth dissolves the carpets..." etc). The last line restating of the title reemphasizes the theme and sadly bring to end this tight poetic and picturesque tribute to spring. I throughly enjoyed the read and hope that I did not wonder to far from your intentions for this effort. TLW	2004-03-20 06:22:32
Political Senryu 4	Michael J. Cluff	Michael--Historically this view has and will always be controversial/ironic. Your fixed form is technically correct (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/human nature). Vivid imagery created by sardonic descriptors. Thanks for sharing your personal effort. TLW	2004-03-19 21:04:01
Senryu 154	Michael J. Cluff	Michael--Same technicals as haiku and all met; 5-7-5 syllables/ three lines/ humorous slant. I've seen how birds mistakenly fly into glass windows thinking they are just clear space, most times they meet a sad fate. Vivid imagery created by this fixed form: seeing the pastry must've been inviting and yet quite frustrating due to the barrier. The irritating squawks could have drawn some choice curse words from occupant(s). Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-03-18 11:57:10
Funeral	Emma Quinn	Emma--An excellent and unique look at what seems a traditiional sad event. I personally veiw your "Funeral" with mixed feelings: on one hand I see it as the loss of a loved one, friend, relative or spouse; on the other, the deceased/departed is perhaps going to a better place or at least a place of respite; an end to suffering if in an abusive or terminal medical situation. The speakers use of allits (busy/beads/bread/bones; secret skins of stories) and upbeat descriptors (jubilation/hums/celebrates life/orange surprizes and flowers) creates vivid imagery as well as produce rhythmic tone for this short tight piece. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-03-16 15:08:21
Night Train	Emma Quinn	Emma-You write like you've been there and done that: a train traveling at night with its whistle blowing sounds lonely and forlorn (maybe taking someone away from trouble). Plain language and metaphors describes what the speaker and apt title portrays. Nice allits (tumbleweed trestles; contex of crossties; dig into deserts of dreams)also adds to the imagery. Short, sweet and to the point, definitely my type of read. Thanks for sharing this melancholy effort. TLW	2004-03-15 23:47:19
Seeking Comfort	Jane A Day	Jane--Nice terse poetic piece. Great similes in the first stanza create vivid imagery: "...blue as a gum tree's underbark..." and "complex as a candle's illumination...". Fresh descriptor; "the cold refelcts (misspelled, should be reflects) from moons of our fingers..." adds to the already established images. Nonliteral expressions in stanza #2 lends an almost sardonic flavor: "Winter edges us with rain of frost..."/"...and press into the new light of window...". Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-03-15 23:24:17
The Splendor of Fire	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Jordan--Excellent poem of address. This piece is saturated with fresh nonliteral expressions and rightly so: the poetics and figurative language are a must for dedication to an 'inspiration'. The scribe and or speaker has done well also with allits (furnace flares; kiln kindles). I may have also noticed two very tiny syntax problems: in lin #2 of stanza #3 (Lighting the place I dwell "in" you- or something appear to be awkward) and in line #9 of stanza #3 (I would scent there "their" aroma...). Other than this, a great read. From what I've read from you, your 'muse' has been with you! I apologize if I misunderstood your intentions. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-03-15 12:30:18
japanese verse 41 (Rainbow)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--Here we go again, all techs met-smile. Such great imagery created by this metaphoric description of rainbow(s) and/or sun shining after the rain(s). What else can/or need be said about another masterpiece. Write-on. You inspired me and MINE. Thanks. TLW	2004-03-15 03:49:26
An Unreal Day	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Medard--Some people put a lot of stock in their dreams and there's nothing wrong with that, I guess, but this speaker seem to prefer his dream life to reality (therein lies a potential problem). I sense disturbing thoughts running through this piece (and that may have been the spearker's intentions). The only time I remember my dreams are as nightmares and that's when I east spicy foods too late at night-smile. I find this a dark poem soaked in sadness and riddled with low self esteem: in my humble opinion, this is all borne out with apt descriptors; (unleashed, wander, fear, hate, left, ponder, small, lost, sorry, madman, despair, confusion, unrest, nothing, not, no). Excellent end rhymes (wander/ponder; play/day; madman/can; soul/role; stay/day) produce a nice rhythmic tone throughout the four stanza quatrain. A small nit pick on an overuse of the title at the end of stanza #2 and #4 (one repeat would have served to reemphasize theme and give the piece finality). Overall vivid melancholy imagery created by your effort. Thanks for sharing it. TLW	2004-03-15 03:38:33
Sable Shadow	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--This for sure is Poe like: a dark 'address' which apparently served also as a catharsis (way to go!). If the writing of this purged you of macabe thoughts/dreams which were haunting you, then your poetic skills have come full circle (poet-heal thyself-smile). The combination of similes "...like a tenacious incubus..." and "...like a fatalistic drum beat." creates vivid imagery and is painful to read (great verbiage). My favorite line of the address is; "You cast a sable shadow around my mind but I know not why." This repeat title/allit produces a descriptive assonance that is ominous and quite poetic at the same time. An unreal simple but powerful ending (scary/mysterious/ominous-I love this). Thanks for the sharing of such a personal and private effort. TLW	2004-03-14 12:48:50
I Am Fred	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--This one reminds me of two Dr. Seuss works: Cat In The Hat and Green Eggs And Ham. Great internal/slant/end rhymes(shed/red/;spied/wide;/dumbfounded/confounded/;Fred/said/wed/ fled/bed/sped/instead/;she/flee)combine with give and take/back and forth banter create nice rhythmic tones and vivid imagery. This is a cute fun satirical piece that needs a "wee" bit more punctuation (that you've already alluded to)to make it a tighter read: you probably left off a comma before; ",I am Fred (L #2- St #2); a comma after the 1st "...you, are..." (L #3-St #2); a comma after: "...one, have..." (L #1-St #3); a comma before; "...leaves,I am Fred (L #2- St #3); a comma after; "...bride, are..." (L #3-St #3); a comma after: "...fled, as..." (L #4-St #3). I love the surprise twist/turn in the last line. Thanks for sharing this with us at TPL. TLW	2004-03-10 22:59:02
Terra Incognita	Mell W. Morris	Mell–-Back with a vengeance, I see, and up to your old tricks as well-smile. The mundaneness of the first stanza belies the complex and intricate journey the speaker is about to undertake with reader(s) (some willingly and others haplessly). Who but you would or could take this closer look at such unusual thoughts: things we (maybe want to ignore) question in our own lives/minds –but not out loud, at least not audible enough so others can hear (for fear of being seen as odd, mad or on meds). These nonliteral expressions/questions: “Does it rain inside your head?/Do musical instruments produce colors with their sounds?/Do tubas always...”/ and of course my most favorite line of the piece; “Do you free-fly through space, awed at a feast of colors and lights- wonders never imagined, yet feel intrusive as if ignoring a no-trespassing rule?” (Double WOW WOW!!) Briefly, I need to mention (only because they are fresh) the internal/slant rhymes (episodes/expose/ those; comprises/arises; brains/rain; bellow/yellow; you/too; filled/willed; cells/wells; scheme/teem/unseen; heads/unsaid) Brilliant use of line breaks and enjambements: run-on-sentences/phrases kept this reader racing to the next bit, panting to see the rest, and yes, hoping he could follow the flow (understand). For a reader that’s adamant bout terseness and brevity, this piece left me wanting more!-smile. The title and last two stanzas serves to reemphasize how little we know about the untaped human mind. Sorry for being verbose, but just happy that you’ve graced us with another of your masterful “Mind Teasers.” TLW	2004-03-10 12:32:06
Untitled	stephen g skipper	Stephen--No apology needed or necessary. I can't even began to imagine the emotions you must have been experiencing then and now. Just thinking about the loss of a lifetime love partner is unfathomed by me. This terse poignant rhyming piece is painful to read, so It had to be at least painful to compose. However, I am going to set that aside and render an impartial review. The combinations of end/slant/internal rhymes (mourn/reborn; remains/pain/regained; me/free; yet/set; we/me; two/you/you; my/fly) creates a rhythmic tone and produce melancholy imagery. At this point I might suggest less punctuation: the use of periods causes a staccato effect; when in actuality the end rhymes cause pauses in themselves. If most of the first seven lines were without any punctuation (they appear to be enjambments, or need each other to make clarity),in my humble opinion, this piece would be a more fluid flow/read (however, just a thought). Superb ending and my favorite line(s) of the poem; "Till it's gone between you and me, will you ever set my heart to fly free?" Great poetic line(s)!! I am apologizing in advance if I've misstated your intentions for your effort. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt personal piece. TLW	2004-03-09 11:09:17
The Fiasco In Me	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--A Free Verse, will wonders ever cease-smile? Quite a departure for you. Did you succumb to pressures from others wanting you to do something more than haiku/senryu/acrostic? Well, enough serious stuff, lets get down to cases-smile. It looks like you've put together a controversial dark graphic Persona Poem. Metaphoric in its descriptors of past bad deeds and a not so subtle history of wrong doers. This is supported by the title and first two stanzas, however, in my humble opinion the last stanza seem to be out of place and character. In all honesty, I was completely lost at the end of the 2nd stanza. I am sorry for misstating your intentions. Please help me! TLW	2004-03-09 02:05:07
Hidden Key	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari--This melancholy poem has a semi-tragic feel: it infers some past wrong doings or mishaps befalling the protagonist that were not of her making. A combination of allits (scores of scarred; soul sings; out of) and rhymes (somewhere/despair; soul/ control; pain/blame; stay/today; maze/plays)creates not only a nice rhythmic tone but vivid imagery. The repeat of the title/theme enjambments of lines #1/2 of both stanzas #1 and #4, serves to empha- size as well as defines the near hopefulness of this situation. However, a small spark of redemption is shown: "...while tommorow plays out-the joy she lives for today." I enjoyed this quiet mysterious little piece and thank for for sharing it. TLW	2004-03-02 19:21:35
I Have Memories	Sandra J Kelley	Sandra--An apt title for this poignant piece. Nicely choreographed free verse with great subtlies on non-recalling of certain moments: a witty twist/turn in actuality as the speaker enjoys listing some amorous escapades while denying remembering same. One small and insignificant observation, I am sure, but maybe instead of extra spaces between phrases /thoughts (as punctuation), perhaps the use of commas, periods or semi-colons. This would create a definitive organization for clarity. Just a thought/suggestion. I enjoyed the read and apologize for any misstating of your intentions. Thanks for sharing. TLW	2004-03-01 22:02:41
Just Like You	Mick Fraser	Mick--This speaker has written a melancholy and heartwrenching Poem Of Address to his dearly departed father; It is also an obvious poignant too short healing period from such a long time estrangement just prior to the death. The entire 3rd stanza catalogue the legacy of the father's philosophy that the speaker has taken to heart/life (very powerful). Just a small syntax hiccup in stanza #7, line #3 (should be "know"); unless line #5 is changed to read; "...that sometimes created challenges." The repeat and near repeats of the title (respectively)in the 2nd stanza, line #4; stanza #6, line #1; stanza #8, line #4-serves to remphasize the theme of how much the speaker and his father are alike. The last stanza is a "knockout" twist/turn ending that caught me completely off guard and brought tears to my eyes: The revelation of the speaker's genetic heart problem made this reader pause...(really emotional). Please except my sincere apology for any misstatement(s) of your intentions on my part about what appears to be your very private and personal effort. TLW	2004-02-28 20:17:55
a glimpse, a view	Erin E Roland	Erin--The title of this Free Verse, in my opinion, has a dual themed feel. I get a sense that it can be intrepeted on two levels: in one vein maybe just a natural walk/hike along a mountain trail with a special someone enjoying sights (glimpse) nature has so generously provided; on the other hand, a metaphoric trek through life/experiences with someone special. The line breaks and punctuation gives this piece a staccato like read. I am sorry if I've misstated your intentions for this poem. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-02-28 19:01:29
japanese verse 21 to 40 - Second Collection	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl--Ah, I remmember lots of these. It's very hard to select any particular one without seeming to slight the others-smile. There are some I enjoyed reviewing LESS than others and only because they where the heartwrenching realistic gut check ones(your genuineness came through as well as your genuis). Regardless of these being Senryu or Haiku (or a little of both) you've put together a group that's second to none. Kudos and keep writing. TLW	2004-02-28 13:26:45
A Passion For Senryu	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas--Good Stuff! An ultra Free Verse. I like this sardonic run-on poem in spite of its verbosity. Super fun statirical read and humorous as @#%%! During my read I couldn't help but think of E.A. Poe and William Blake, two of my favorite mad geniuses. The ending tore me up: the speaker/protagonist must have the stomach of a medical examiner, maggot or mortician-haha. Thanks for making this a fun evening. TLW	2004-02-27 05:10:43
Senryu 135	Michael J. Cluff	Michael--Just an excellent example of the difference between a Haiku (nature themed) and Senryu. All techs met (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/humorous slant). The colorful descriptors produce vivid images of this murder. I enjoyed this morbid sense of humor. TLW	2004-02-25 23:01:22
saturday	Erin E Roland	Erin--Great melancholy free verse. Supreb oxymoronic (crowded-lonely bookstore) start of 2nd line enjambing with the 3rd line, which is my favorite phase of the poem: "...buying thoughts to replace my own" This is powerful!! What appears to be ramblings is actually the pain spilling out open wound(s) of a jilted suitor. Who knows why? We do know this is not being handled too well initially by this one half. Many bitter sweet memories captured by vivid and heartwrenching descriptors. The speaker not only has it bad ("...your smell touching me poking at my memory...") but knows it ("...eventually I'll grow tired of fabricating memory to sustain emotion.../As for now?/I'll wear it as mine..."--double WOW!). There is still hope for this lovesick/heartbroken speaker as indicated by the nice twist/turn: "...but my spring will come white blooms on the corner sweet cold aftertaste of gusts that rush the winter days away..." "...all will subside, gone from terms of the present" Yes, the speaker knows also that nothing last forever, not even the bad stuff; some measure of redeemption is regained through a hope/wish to love again: "Healed by hearts' seasons the rain of winter seeps under the surface into a corner of memory Inspiring the love that is to come." The line breaks employed in this piece serves to create different emotional tone and effect for the words/phrases. I am sorry if I misstated your intentions, because I certainly enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW	2004-02-25 15:24:13
10:26 Revisited	Sandra J Kelley	Sandra--The unique title is attractive and drew me to this piece. This 16 line free verse has active allits (blue black; little light; and again) which combines with the simile (...like a curtain...), internal rhymes (here where there ) and descriptors (cool/damp/wind/unstable/hand/warmth etc, ect) that create vivid imagery as well as produce a nice rhythmic tone. The vantage point from where these 'lovers' are viewing this scene, the 'real' time, as inferenced by evening twilight, "...Peirced (misspelled) by only a sprinkling of stars," is different than the time indicated by the towns' clock (...Proclaims 10:26); this time disparity is cleared up by a supreb twist/turn ending: "A time that has not changed in years." This refers to the clock being broken for quite some time; thus, 10:26 revisted. Thanks for sharing this nostalgic rememberance with TPL. TLW	2004-02-24 12:52:07
About Love and Death	stephen g skipper	stephen--First and foremost, sorry about the recent loss of your wife. Even without your notes, the title is indicative of a gloomy theme. However, the oxymoron (bitter sweet)used to begin the poem serves to invite a further investigation/read. Moreover, from the rhyming enjambments in lines #17 thru 20, I glean that you and the love of your life produced children: "Yet I remember promises made, About the care of the three, That through the 'rememberance of our love. They would learn to fly free." It's very apparent that you now plan living and making good on promises made (very redeeming): "It's in your honor. A touch of your resonance, Perhaps. Left in me, of your light, That will guide me, And brighten the dark way..." To write anything about the loss of a loved one would be most difficult, if not near impossible; you've put forth a great effort with a few syntax problems: because this is abundantly a free verse requiring no punctuation,in my opinion, an over use of commas/periods along with misspelled words (admist; seperation; remeberance; its is). Without being too critical, I found these minor hiccups distracted midly from an otherwise great read/tribute to your wife. Your composure is appreciated for the sharing of this personal painful piece. TLW	2004-02-24 11:27:40
Archae	Regis L Chapman	Regis--My first time being privy to such a terse peice so dense in rhymes. This piece obviously required a great deal of thought and effort; for sure an apt title surmised with help gleaned from your notes and vertical rhymed poem. In my humble opinion, you may have invented a new and intricate "fixed form" of poetics. Bright and witty use of unique descriptors/metaphors to address somewhat gloomy or unwholesome topics. Sorry if I misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing this fresh "old" offering with TPL. TLW	2004-02-21 20:10:38
Closer to Far Away	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne--The very first thing of note in this piece is the oxymoronic title with twist/turn theme. Excellent use of metaphors to describe the complicated method used to observe this new space enigma. Unique structure of last line to reemphasize and display title. Thanks for the informative quasi- astronomy lesson(smile)and for sharing this with us at TPL. TLW	2004-02-20 21:15:23
I am a lighthouse	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn--I posted my "Lighthouse" piece about four months ago and used the "keeper" as the protagonist. However, your title and theme is truely an example of an excellent "persona poem;" which could also easily serve as a tribute. The language used by the speaker indicates a fondness for the sea and portrays an indepth knowledge of the "workings" of a lighthouse. A combination of great descriptors/allits (an avalanche/water welters/If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon/sea spews/ sapphire sand/lulling land) and rhymes (raven/heaven; wrath/path; fire/sapphire; moor/your/shore) in concert with the metaphors (especially the simile/personification of stanza #4 & #5) creates rhythmic tone and vivid imagery. There's really nothing more to be added. Disecting this piece was unnecessary but untertaken to point out what I liked about your effort. Thanks for sharing. TLW	2004-02-20 12:59:46
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