marilyn terwilleger's E-Mail Address: mterwilleger@bresnan.net

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by marilyn terwilleger	Critique Date
Me and I changed to You	Michele Rae Mann	Dear Michele, All of your poetry, that I have read, has such a sad theme and it is obvious that you are feeling pain. At first I thought the pain was from your marriage or perhaps a relationship but you told me it is between you and your daughter. Misunderstandings or disagreements between a child and a parent can be so hurtful and my heart goes out to you. "I cry where you cannot see, you make me hide"....mothers have a habit of keeping the hurt to ourselves as we do not want it to worry our children as our strongest desire is to protect them...that it what you are doing here..."you make me hide"....."If I were free"... People speak of being enslaved by love for a mate or lover but that is nothing compared to the love for a child...it is all consuming and we are never free of it. It begins when our baby is born and given to us to hold and cuddle and it is constant...never leaves us...."You are not here..me not there"...to me this says she lives in her world and you live in yours and at this time neither of you can see inside the others world. But you will...in time....I know this because I raised a daughter and there were times when I thought we would never agree on anything. Your lines...."missing us, craving us, still no us" I feel so much pathos in these words....you are craving the two of you to meld and become a loving mother - daughter instead of always being at odds with one another. "point given, never taken"....no matter what your views are and no matter what hers are they are certainly not the same as the understanding just is not there. And the last stanza is especially heart rendering. It seems to me that all you are asking for some mutual place where you can be safe and free from the hurt you are inflicting on each other. Another good but soulful poem which makes me reflect back to the ins and outs of raising a child. Keep writing as right now it is your salvation. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-12-24 10:10:36
The Blizzard (A Story Poem)	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, I just love this poem and believe I am also writing a story poem! This is a great story and one that I believe could be true. My husband and I hunted big game...well he hunted I just went with him because he always wanted me to. I could scarcely stand to see an animal die but we always took the meat, prepared it and fed our family..probably more healthy then as there is no fat. We lived in Rawlins Wy and your descriptions of the hunter, the prey, and the blizzard easily took me back to the mountains where we hunted. The blizzards and even just a routine snow storm could be horrible in that area. So much snow, cold, and the ever present wind. Your writing ability comes through loud and clear in this story...it is so well written and kept me on edge througout as I had a feeling it was not going to have a happy ending. It is a compelling read and one that I enjoyed very much! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-12-18 18:25:09
I and Me	Michele Rae Mann	Hi Michele, I can feel the pathos in your words that cry for freedom. I am not sure what type of freedom you are seeking but in my gut I think it may be freedom from a relationship that has not provided what you need. It could be a marriage but I tend to think a relationship that is tearing you apart...making you needy, making you beg to be understood, or you may be the one who loves the most...which is true of most situations between a man and a woman. I think you want yourself back as it has been taken from you and is making you do and say things that are not actually you. That is a tough spot to be in. You have said reams in this poem in a few words and I would like to know what it is that is hurting you. Just my thoughts..hope I have not completly fractured your intention in this poem....Have a wonderful holiday Blessings...Marilyn	2003-12-18 18:16:09
japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, WOW this is the ultimate of haiku!!! Americans like tongue twisters and when we hear one we usually say "try saying that three times" Well I could not do it here! I count one star in the title and 9 in the text of the poem so guess that makes 10....if I am right do I get a prize? Just kidding..no one but you has the talent and the haiku mind to write one like this...it is just outstanding! I love "starry starch"...very inventive. One can easily think of a star being starched as it has stiff appearing points and the twinkling even enhances that concept...."starve its stark stardom" I have said these words over and over outloud and I am having some trouble wrapping my mind around the meaning. Stardom can be very stark especially in a cloudless sky but I am not sure why it should be starved. Oh dear...here I go again..needing you to set me straight...how can I learn this poetry form wihtout you? Love this one I learn something new everytime I read one of these! Peace....Marilyn	2003-12-16 21:25:59
MAN-HATER	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Dear April, Before I comment on your poem I have to tell you that I always wondered why my parents did not name me April as that is the month of my birth. Besides I liked the name so much more than my own! This poem starts out with gut wrenching words and does not let go of the reader until the last line. The first stanza tells the sad story of a girl that was abused or more probably raped. She is bleeding, crying, confused, and I read into your words that she feels the hopelessness so strong that she is overwhelmed with it. She drops her doll, that once she loved, and fell to the ground. As she grew she abandoned the dolls and took up toy guns...but who could blame her for this...the dolls were dirty to her. She even shuns the God of love and the one who makes girls knees quiver....these are not for her ever again. She has no friends but prefers to play with her shadow as she can count on it.... always knows what to expect...no horrible surprises. The one jubilant event in this poor girls life was her discovery of writing poetry... ...then she died. This is very well written and a compelling read. As you can no doubt tell I like it a lot! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-12-16 20:12:53
First, Last Kiss	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Bobby T., This is truly one of the loveliest poems I have read of yours. I must admit I was glad you posted it in the normal format as I am not as deft at reading some of your work as I should be, as it seems so natural for you to draw pictures with your words...."Before we met none had touched my essence" What a perfect way to begin this piece..with the confession that none but she ever touched our poet in such a profound and personal way. From there the entire piece just seems to get better with every line...."caging me with one kiss behind mind's bars" Beautiful descriptors of a man totally enraptured by this woman...."What manner of woman were thee"..."what manner of devil art thou"..."enough of this, the end I scream"...these are such Shakespear-ish statements..takes me back to English lit...and that was a long way back! In the end our poor love-sick swain laments what will become of him and alas does she even care?..."Miss..I brood and think upon that first, last kiss." This is truely an amazing piece of poetry and I feel honored that you posted it here for me to read and I imagine all who read it will feel the same. It is clever, sad, witty, and very touching. I think you have another winner! Blessings of peace...Marilyn	2003-12-14 22:08:49
Saluting Robert Creeley	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I am happy to see this poem tonight because I know it must mean your surgery went well and you are back creating agan. This is a great tribute to a poet that you admire...I hate to admit that I have never read his work but I will...."Dew-jewled" this is fabulous descriptor! I love the way your mind works when you are creating poetry...."To find emptiness is to fill it" this line is so profound and could easily be used to describe so many situations...."even his words with aching holes" love this line but since I am stupid about his style I am not brave enough to comment on it..but I am inspired to search the net to find his work...."smoke signals are noisy compared to his spare speech" so he must be a soft spoken man that can create volumes with a few words. Now I am intrigued!..."Merely a mouth like Noah's dove"..what a beautiful and simple way to end this magnificent writing. Another great writing from your creative pen...loved it. Hope all is well with you. Blessings and wishes for better health...Marilyn	2003-12-12 21:42:10
Boxes	Michele Rae Mann	Hi Michele, I don't believe I have ever critiqued your work before now but I am intrigued by this poem. It is terse and somewhat vague but even so there is meaning in the words. At first read I thought you were speaking of depression..."Vast empty space...I envision dreams" but the 2nd or 3rd time I believe you are speaking of a dreamer. Someone who wants to get out of the"boxes"...someone who has great ideas with a lot to say in a creative way but is hampered by a vast number mental barriers..'boxes' that are imagined or perhaps even real...."Dreams..some that could be lost and others to be not"...we should never lose our dreams no matter what the cost to keep them. Our dreams and aspirations keeps us alive, sharp, and quick witted which serves as a path to life. Without them we might as well be dead...."no color, shape, or size, just emptiness waiting to be filled"....we have the ability to fill our own empty spaces it just takes imagination and sometimes just plain guts to do so. I really like this peice...it is thought provoking as all good poetry should be. Blessngs...Marilyn	2003-12-11 16:41:44
A Failure To	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Tom, Wow...this one really gets me. A story of abduction and murder about a killer released from prison after doing the same thing he is now accused of again. Cleverly written by the deceased victim...but who better to write this grizzley account of the crime...."a knife wound so large my soul fell out"..this line certainly lets the reader know that this piece is one of those so compelling that it screams 'read me'. ..."inevitble blood whose red stains"..."fast away from the malling crown." This line is the most telling, in the beginning, of what the story is about..for me anyway...."his limping away into misery back into the hell from which he crawled" This is a great line...why is there so much recidivism in this country? Why should anyone be allowed back into society after such a henious crime?..."When you find my remains"...This line and the image of the victim that follows was extremly difficult for me to read, probably because it is so graphic and the thought of that young girl frozen and full of 'holes' is almost unbearable..."thaw my carcass slowly as to preserve the evidence"...gut wrenching. Then "I think about why I died" she thinks about the parking lot that cannot speak, the light, flights of birds in the night, about the songs she would sing if she were allowed to keep breathing. Then when she goes to her tomb she wonders who failed. This is such a deplorable crime but to write about it in this manner is pure genius...don't get a swelled head or anything but this is great...Marilyn	2003-12-10 11:17:16
No Use Trying to Forget	madge B zaiko	Hi Madge, This poem just screams depression over a lost love. It is easy to feel the pathos in every line...."I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart"..this is a great line but it tells the reader that this event has taken place before and it is so painful. ..."put some stone there to block"...I definitely undertand this reaction to a painful situation. My husband use to say that whenever I could not cope I would build a imaginary wall around myself that no one could penetrate until I would finally let them 'in'...."I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes" Our dreams, no matter what they are, are so had to give up. They are important to us and keep us going, sometimes under impossible odds...."They won't let me breath unless I talk, spitting out the hopes I tried to block." ..."his arms like spider webs his heart my tomb." The love for this man is all consuming and the thought of losing him is unbearable..this is so evident in "his heart may tomb" This line is a perfect description of the emotions of depression. Also the repetition of "Old wounds break open" works very well here. I am not sure if these old wounds were inflicted by the same man or someone else but it makes no matter...this is such a painful time and one that must be dealt with sooner or later. I wish you well and healing. I am happy to see you posting on TPL again. Blessings..Marilyn	2003-12-10 10:44:17
japanese verse 33 (Snow Capes)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, You would not have needed to explain "marshmallow pillows" as I knew the moment I read it that you were talking about fluffly, white, soft, billowy, clouds! As usual this is another landmark haiku...you are so good at this have you ever entered any of your writings in a contest outside of TPL? "descended from it's haven"...poor little clouds..I can see them beginning to fray as they float down..but then! "nestling on soft ground"...so lovely, our little clouds did not fray after all and are nestled (wonderful) on soft ground where they can maintain their beauty. As a reader I know that clouds cannot stay inflated and billowy for very long but I am just enough of a romantic that I prefer to think of them just as you have written for us to enjoy. By the way I e-mailed you a haiku that I am working on but haven't heard back and now I fear you never received it! Blessings of peace...Marilyn	2003-12-09 17:32:06
Life at ThePoeticLink	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, How clever you are...you have mirrored the thoughts of most of us. ..."my virgin pen began to explore"..great line!..."the meadow of verses and poems." This line is imagitive and very clever...I think from now on I will think in terms of a meadow when I sign into TPL (smile)... .."Puerile in my ways"...I have never thought of your work as immature, it is anything but that..."burdened with English constraint"...you do an excellent job with your English but when I think how difficult that may be I wonder how impossible it would be for me to create poetry in another language. I like the way you describe not being able to access the site..how frustrating that must have been. Thank heavens you were delivered from you cell and came back to us. I like the you ended this piece..."a cozy home to stay until the ink becomes a void pixel" This is a lightharted piece that is fun to read...good job! Peace...Marilyn	2003-12-09 17:23:21
As to the Site of the Preservation of Memories	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Tom, I know I don't have the vocabulary to do justice to this poem. I have read it three times and have a huge lump in my throat. I lost both my parents...my father had not been sick so we were not expecting him to die when he did. But my mother fell when she was 91 years old and that ultimately led to her death...I was not ready. I feel, as I read your words, that you are sitting here telling me your feelings and the things you remember about your mother...which will never leave you. The things she said are so familure as I think most of us moms say those things at one time or another....old adages that are handed down through time. The tone of your words are so sad and somewhat desperate to stop time and go back to when she was not sick. She did not want to worry your father and I do so understand that. The selection of a casket, deciding on a tomb stone...gut wrenching duties when all you really want to do is sit by her casket and cry. This entire writing makes me want to reach out and give you a hug...that is the 'mom' side of me. You have done a wonderful job of putting your emotions into writing otherwise it would not have affected me so. Peace and blessings...Marilyn	2003-12-08 21:31:32
Tsa-ga-gla-tal	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I don't usually critique after the first of the month but when I found this one I just have to respond. You know how much I love to write about nature and all the wonderous things that one finds there so I just naturally love the story about your raccoon. You have taken a clumsy looking creature and painted her as lithe and limber..."she dances toward me, a sturdy shape on nimble feet" I am especially enamored with the first stanza..."Full beaver moon (lovely) floats low in cobalt sky, face pressed close" (this is inspirational...depicting a moon as a face pressing close) We all know the moon has a face but only a poet such as yourself would think up such a phrase!..."cheeks puffed with food"...we don't have raccoons where I live but I have seen them with puffed cheeks and also beaver..it is like they don't want to swallow until they are sure they can fill up again...."thick winter coat, safe in her den" "she'll....watch from dreams then" What a perfect way to end this poem which is so much fun to read. Your wonderful imagery allowed me to see this creature created by our Heavenly Father to fit in the scheme of all things great and small. Thanks for posting this...loved it! Blessings....Marilyn	2003-12-02 16:10:21
The Last Conflict	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, I cannot tell you how much this piece effected me..especially now that we are at war and I have a grandson in Iraq. You have painted such a picture of 'Death'and his one and only quest that it makes chills up and down my spine. I have read this several times as it seems to compel me to do so. The rhyme and meter flows along from one word to the other as if it just rolled off your pen without effort... and I know it was not that easy to get the musical effect in each line. ..."absent pathos" perfect to describe 'Death'...."search ruins...not saddened" words that personify the cruelity of 'Death'...your story tells us that after man has created his own demise and the horror that goes along with it then Death comes along to make sure no one survives. ..."charcoaled bones...mans madness"...chilling...but then the bleeding child. This is the part that was the most gut wrenching for me. I wrote a poem sometime ago and posted it here about the war from a child's eye. I think the name of it is "Shy Thunder" anyway I have always feared and grieved for the children of war and the image you give in this piece is so revealing that it does give pain to the reader. The last lines that tell of 'Death' plunging his dagger into the child's heart is almost more than I can bear. This is a wonderful effort and will be first on my voting list. Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-30 20:43:27
Winter Night (revised)	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, I did not read your first posting of this poem but I fell in love with this one. The imagery of a room warmed by a fire place while a storm is raging on the outside is amazing. The aroma of candles, soft music blending with the tender touches of two lovers is wonderful. "Entwined bodies, together as one soul" Such a lovely scene you paint with your words...I find myself wishing I could jump into your room and enjoy all the senses you have touched. Very good...enjoyed every word. Blessings....Marilyn	2003-11-30 20:25:02
japanese verse 31 (Twilight)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, This, of course, is another great haiku but since I am such a novice you won't mind if I ask a question in order to understand a little better (grin) After the great torch.....I assume this is the sun banished it's scandalous flame......does this mean the sun exiled or expelled the light? Or put it out? the sun shies away.......the sun is now leary of returning? I think I am confusing my self!!! I am totally enamored with your use of 'great torch' and also 'scandalous flame' both lines are certainly inspirational. Please set me straight on this one as I am afraid I am missing the point and I don't want to do that. I have written a haiku but am hessitant to post it....would you allow me to e-mail it to you? I would be pleased if you would help me with it. I will wait to hear from you....thanks for letting all of us on TPL enjoy your talent. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-30 20:15:46
A Better Man	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, This lovely poem makes my heart ache and I wish I had the answer for you..."is this what God wants"...."am I suppose to grow through this pain"...I think I told you my husband was ill for about 10 years before he passed away...but the last three or four years were the hardest... ...for both of us. I too wondered what purpose this agony was suppose to accomplish but I never found out. It is written that there is a plan for all of us. When I was told I would die and then I did not I I then questioned why I was spared when other people who may have had more to offer died. What I did do was dedicate myself to helping anyone that needed it with emotional support and encouragement. But I still don't know if that was 'the plan.' When I read the first line of this poem I was sure you had been given the miricle you are searching for. "A glorious new dawn, a dawn of hope and honesty"..uplifting beginning but then "I've cried a thousand tears...they have all been caught by angles without wings." Angles without wings is inspirational in this piece and pathos is felt by the reader. Then you describe dancing with your love and do it so lovingly that I can almost fell the beat of the music too. The pain and agony that you feel at this time is understandable and warrented. I don't know what to say as my heart is heavy after reading your words...so I will just say a prayer. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-29 22:05:44
japanese verse 32 (Chess)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, Your talent for these verses never ceases to astonish me! This one is not the usual haiku form that I am use to...so is this one a senryu? Sadly I have much to learn regarding this form of poetry...."Defending the King on this checkered area is brilliant....I don't play chess but I have watched it being played...."Queen gambits her might" I am impressed with the word 'gambits' here. Could be interepted as a 'ploy' or perhaps a maneuver..either way its use is inspirational. Wish you lived closer to me...like next door so you could give me haiku and senryu lessens..grin! Great work! Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-29 12:53:25
The Cross	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This poem, written in the form of a cross, is profound and thought- provoking to say the least. Your faith is evident in your words. My first impression is that God is uttering these words from the corss, however, I feel a certain amount of anger here..."you want light er? be like Him and drink the cup." Sooooo now I am inclined to think Satan himself is doing the speaking. I just hate not being able to get inside the head of the poet so you will have to forgive my ramblings here on trying to analyze such talented writing. All that aside this is a worthy piece of poetry and one that leaves me wondering and pondering as all good poetry should. Keep wiriting I always look forward to reading your work. Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-28 16:48:12
Gerald O'Reilly	Leo Wilder	Dear Leo, This is such a gut wrenching poem that leaves this reader with anger at the Church and all the Priests that were envolved..especially the ones that were never discovered..such as Father Loquacious who was saved because his victums were either dead or deranged. Also I feel such sorrow for Gerald O'Reilly who took his own life to escape his demons. The repetition of.."Forsaken, raveged, children, merely increases the intensity of the entire piece. I can feel the pathos in every word...in fact I was compelled to read it several times even though, each time, it effected more profoundly. I don't know anyone personally that has endured such a crime...or maybe I do without knowing it. Any crime against a child is horrific and should never be allowed to happen. This is an important piece of poetry and I can only hope that someone, who was ever involved, should read your words. Also I hope that you did not write this from personal experience as it must have been difficult to write with such emotion even if it happened to someone close to you. Blessings and Happy Holidays...Marilyn	2003-11-28 16:12:29
Crafted in the Hands of Shakespeare	April Rose Ochinang Claessens	Dear April, This is an outstanding piece of work. So much so that if I had read it somewhere else and did not know the author I would have thought how much like Shakespear's work it really is. Your word choices and the essence of the entire piece is amazing. In the first stanza you speak of two lovers that must part and you speak of your final embrace as if it were physicaly painful. I love the line..."wake me no more as I close my eyes tonight that I may remember your last kiss as warm as the sunlight and as gentle as a rosebud." What lovely words to express the agony of impending seperation. In the second stanza you speak of Aphrodite and Olympus which keeps the reader in the Shakespear mode...if you will...an example of excellent writing. In the third stanza you plead with your lover not to say adieu (perfect word choice) for you might hurt yourself or perhaps die with devastating grief...."that would entice Hades to fetch me too soon....wonderful word choices here. The last lines are so appropiate but at the same time extremely sad... ..."Take me instead into your soul and together let us say farewell..." This poem is well crafted and beautiful and sure to be a winner. Congrats for a wonderful and talented submission and I hope to read more of your work in the future. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-23 20:59:14
Birth Right	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, This is a well crafted poem about our young people, who are taught from a very young age, that they love their country to go into battle for it. Your word choices are superb from beginning to end...."We carried the sword of our father's will" I know in our family (we had two boys) they were subject to 'war stories' from their father who served in Korea. Most of these stories were overheard as I don't remember a time when Dale talked about the war directly to his children. But he did teach them to be love their county and it's flag. Thank heavens they were too young for Vietnam and too old for the present war. The repetition of "we were so young" just drives home the message that the young are the ones who take up arms and fight for our freedom..but in many cases they are ill equiped to do so...."Freshly taught in scripted nobility"..this is a great line..."we were told we were right." Then you refer to 'fair skinned people' being the chosen ones to lead the world...how wrong was that? You are right they did not have all the facts and were so misguided...."To sail away and march far lands again" The operative word here is "Again" Will this ever stop...will our young people never need to worry about fighting a war? Currently there is no answer to this age long question. Great poem and one that should be read by everyone. It is not too long but is powerful and profound. Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-21 10:41:24
Deja Vu	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, This powerful poem grabs the reader and does not let go until the last word is read. In the beginning I was sure this was abuse from your father but the last line "i'll never frogive you brother" tells me it was in fact your brother. The woman you speak of could have been your mother, a sister, or your brother's wife. Never-the-less it was awful for you so much so that your inner peace was shattered...."you abused her while i stared in silence"..this event obviously is so painful for you but you were too young to deal with this kind of insanity and you should not suffer because of that. I know that is easy for me to say since I never felt the hand of abuse...."you told me to kill you..too bad i didn't" more feelings of remorse....the line "you push away those who love me" seems to be written in the present tense...is this abuse still happening?..."is this what you do to those you love?" Again this line makes me wonder how this person is still hurting you. And then the last lines which are abviously full of hate and anger that has never left you. Your post script says this is another repressed memory which is profoundly sad...no one should have to live with such hurtful memories. Your poetry is dark and powerful and seems to come straight from your heart and soul. Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-20 15:57:46
Root of Evil	Donna Carter Soles	Hi Donna, The evil you speak of must be of horrible status and even though I am not sure of it's name or essence, from the tone of this piece it is unbeatable. I wrote a poem called 'The Demon" which is posted here and it was about a malignant tumor I had many years ago. In that poem I called the tumor 'a malignant beast' so when I read your words I could not help but relate to my own situation. However, I get the feeling that this 'evil' may be of substance abuse which can be the worst beast of all. This is a powerful poem which is written in the thrid person so I think it must be of a friend or loved one. At any rate it is well written and was probably meant to be vague. The last two lines are gut wrenching..."it ate her heart and drank the soul from within her." I wish peace for this suffering person. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-20 15:16:51
The Other Side	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, You were at the top of my list this evening and I am going to comment on your poem before it disappears!! As usual you have written something so special...took a simple structure such as an 'informal' bridge and gave it beauty and dignity. Your writing skills never cease to amaze me. I like the first stanza..."pleases my senses and eases my spirit" so wonderful to find any element that will accomplish that these days when there is so much bad news. Also I am in love with the phrase..."sheen of a river"...sheen..love that. And the rhyme with ravine is lovely..."the old wooden spavined spans that rattle as I pass" The word 'spavined' (lame) really works here and I would wager that you would be the only one to come up with it! The imagery of the honey- suckel vines is so clear I can almost smell them...I have them in my yard and the aroma is so delicious. In the last stanza I tried to look up 'spumesent' but did not fine it...but spume means to froth so I think you made up the rest...just kidding (ha ha) Of course the ending is perfect as I knew it would be. You become reflective in hopes of taking in the essence of the still and peaceful water. Another winner, Mell, it will certainly be at the top of my list. I was going to e-mail you today to see how you are feeling so maybe you can let me know. Be well and bless you...Marilyn	2003-11-18 20:19:03
The Rush	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, Well now since I have had my cold shower I will attempt to critique this piece. Of course it is very sensual and very well written. It has a poetic sense that I find pleasing and arractive...."Entwined desires cascade..." love these words together to set the scene...the reader knows there is more to come...."smokey places a touch ripples"..."touch becomes a hold...night frames each timeless moment"..."the taste of intimacy swells ravenous appitites"...that line really got me!..."soft breathing stutters and shakes...desire is now fate at the edge of delight"..these are such wonderful descriptive words...."tingles senses await satiated moans"...if I am not mistaken Willie Shakespear described a climax as "the little death"...however...I like your version better. This is a well crafted poem about love between two people who love each deeply. Nothing can be more beautiful than that...bravo for this one! Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-18 16:24:05
Be Silent	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, So nice to find a poem from you on my list! I know it is not always easy to rhyme and still keep the integrity of the poem but you have done just that. The lines flow easy without sounding forced. The first line..."be silent, for that is when you hear." is a great introduction for what is to come...."be silent the voice within will speak." What a profound message...we must quiet our inner mind so we can hear the healing words...they are always there but we don't always listen...."Say farwell to afflicting pasts..they have ceased and now have passed." Yes...all pains and agonies will pass..they will never leave us but we can quiet them and set them aside. Sometimes this takes a very long time to accomplish but it is possible. I love the line.. .."despair and pain snatched by a breeze" This is a lovely poem about the struggles we must face everyday and it is also a poem of hope that leaves the reader with a sense of peace that all will be well. Thanks for posting what is in your heart. Love Marilyn	2003-11-18 09:35:54
Old Friend	Mark D. Kilburn	HI Mark, I love this poem about your beloved Mutt. If not for you and your wife this helpless little pup would have never known life or love. In S2 you tell us the afflictions Mutt endured which will break the heart of all dog lovers. The dog my husband and I had, lived about six years after the death of my husband...she died in my arms. That was three years ago and now my kids decided I needed another pet so they found a two year old Dachshund. I really did not want another pet because I don't think I can endure the grief if I lose her, however I did not realize how lonely I was until I got her. I really laughed when you wrote how many names Mutt responded to...I think that is amazing! He may have just been a dog but to you there will never be a friend just like him. Liked this one...so easy to relate to...the rhyming is easy and pleasing to the ear...good job Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-18 09:21:53
Haiku	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, This is a great haiku...it has all the right elements but more importantly it carries a profound message. You have taken the adage "history repeats itself" and turned it into a supberb haiku. When I first attempted haiku I thought it would not be so difficult...wrong! It certainly is a challange and anything but easy. You have done an excellent job with this one! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-18 09:06:01
Her Healing Hands	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, I find this to be a lovely poem that just makes me feel good. I have many flower gardens such as you describe. All the way through I believed you were writing about Mother Nature and the wonders we find in her work...."my eyes see your flowers growing loved from the ground"..."Your light warms my soul." However, the second read allowed me to think of your words as written to a cherished one and to appreciate how beautiful they are...."your touch lights my being your light warms my soul."..."you are gifted at healing old aches, pains and scars"...love this line...."your yards full of kindness" I think of my flower gardens like this especially when it begins to bloom in the spring...makes me smile!..."its a place that can alter the nastiness mood"..this is so true...."your lips taste of berries my mouth tastes the same"..two people in love sharing the same taste at the same time is very intimate..sensual...."warm you heart in my arms dear warm your spirit there too"..then the last two lines you profess your love. This is such a warm and loving poem...also the rhyme is good...flows along without being forced which only adds to the charm of this piece. Good job! Peace...Marilyn	2003-11-17 16:32:56
What you gave up and Desire (two poems)	Kimberly A Butterworth	Hi Kimberly, Welcome to TPL...nice to have you. In this piece you have posed some very profound questions...some that made me stop and think...."what have you gained for what you gave up?"..I know that sacrifice does not always provide us with happiness or contentment...sometimes it is not really worth it and we are left feeling lonely and afraid...."are you suffering, withdrawn, alone, imcomplete?" Sometimes it is just better to stand up for what you want and what you know is right.,,,"is that why we want, desire, need...is that why we hunger, crave, bleed?" I especially like these words and the message they send. The second poem is my favorite..it is full of hope and promise plus some very sage advice..."be happy inside..find contentment within...happiness lasts desire does not." This is so true and something we all should know but sadly some do not and they always end up miserable. The last few lines are perfect for this poem that is full of good solid advice and can certainly relate to everyone. thanks for sharing and I hope to read more of your work. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-11-17 15:34:44
japanese verse 30 (Vulture)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I do believe you must be the modern master of the art of haiku! Everyone I read is even more wonderful than the one before. This one is just amazing as in three short lines you have managed to give me the chills! The 'V' sounds are so creative and display your talent for this poetry form...then the'C' gives the exact same tone..there is only one word that doesn't begin with 'V' or 'C' and that is the one 'in!' between 'vulgar' and 'vandalizing'....also the coupling of 'vacant and cadaver' is supberb. "vigilant villain"...so creative! I admire your talent and am pleased that you have chosen TPL as a creative outlet. Have you ever tried to publish your work? You should! Keep writing...Marilyn	2003-11-05 12:38:16
japanese verse 28 (Rose)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, Well you have done it again! Written another perfect haiku about the beauty of a rose. The "wine, glass, drunk, is wonderful as it is easy to be drunk by the beauty of a rose. Such a simple thing and yet so amazing to look at...and in your case..ponder. "Crimsen as a wine" great description of a red rose..crimsen instead of just red is as poetic as it should be here...nothing mundane for this rose!... "Filled in the glass of season"...another inspired thought to compliment our rose...."Drunk by its beauty" this line compliments the other two and tells us that this rose, above all, is the treasured one. I do have one question...someone told me that you don't need to use 'caps' when writing haiku...is this true? Or is it just a personal prefrence? Great writing that we have become use to reading from you. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-30 17:07:07
Origin	C Arrownut	Hi 'C', This is another fine submission by you and I am really drawn to this one. Of course the metaphor is wonderful and somewhat profound but I just like to think of this island as an island that is luscious with green undergrowth holding it's mystry away from the civilized world. I love the serpentine tail that slowly expands as it flows its way to the bridge. In the second stanza I am having a hard time staying away from the metaphor as that pesky and beastly bridge of 'established beliefs' is marring my wonderful view of this magical island. I get a great image of the river's edge, high weeds, and the white sand forming the mouth. The last words...'into the unknown' perserves the magical mystry ot this lovely sight in nature. Sorry if I messed up your metaphor... I just fell in love with your river and couldn't contain myself! Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-27 12:48:48
Sweet, Sweet Music (II)	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Well Dang...I think you have written another winner!! I just love this one as music is one of my favorite parts of this transitory life. I play the piano and sang a lot when in school and also with a group of mothers when my children were small and the church choir. I am sad to say that is not the case now and I seem to write more than play my piano...I would go out dancing every night if I just had a 'sugar daddy' to dance with me. The sounds you have created in this piece are delcious as is the subtle rhyming...it really tantalizes me. In fact one could easily tap their feet while reading aloud these wonderful word choices. "A sigh for Cliburn's hand span" Oh how I love to hear him play as I have a tendancy to play the classics...that is I did when I practiced a lot...."swing, hip-hop, bebop, and blues"..I am tapping my toe now. ..."The Aida march, arches of arias in Turandot"...wonderful..."For many like me, music is key the truest reality, and I am eternally smitten." You most certainly are a muscian as well as a talented writer and poet as this piece could only be written by someone who loves and understands music. I am so glad you are back to writing and I hope your health is improving and we will again be graced with your wonderful work. I am going to Texas for Xmas this year but will spend it with my son and his family in Granite Shoals..however I will get off the plane at Ft Worth first as I must see Caden again..he is growing way too fast. I probably won't have time to call but will try to give you a ring if at all possible. Stay well. Blessings and love...Marilyn	2003-10-26 17:30:43
Mother and Child	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This is just a beautiful haiku! I love the thought of a little angelic tot being cradled in his mother's arms...what a lovely image I get from your words. One could also interept your words to be describing the heavens...perhaps a goddess holding or comforting a cherished one. Either way it is a wonderful and peaceful image for me. The absolute epitome of a haiku...Bravo!!!! Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-25 14:59:37
Night Dreams	Mary E. Gustas	Hi Mary, I was so into this poem that I had forgotten the title and when I read the last line..."Alarm rings" I felt like stomping my feet and saying "this is too delicious to be a dream!"..."sweet smelling, spicy scent (wonderful 's' sounds)..it's he fragrance of your desire for me." I love this line...descriptive..sensual. The image of the room is perfect for this poem...dimly lit candles, warm amber glow...perfect setting for lovers ( I hate that this is a dream!)..."warmth overtakes me becoming hot at the thought of fire"..."it's the heat of your passion I feel"...then you see the elegant table with crystal and silver..you are enchanted and tempted...I think this table represents an enchanting and tempting lover! More words to tempt the reader...exotic, flavors, exciting, erotic...(love the use of exotic and erotic here) new, hunger, passion, warmth, satisfaction, all the words one can use to describe a passionate union between woman and man. But then the readers hearts sink when the alarms sounds! Loved this...great work! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-23 17:25:26
Suicide Bomber	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, You have protrayed the anger, hate, fear, dissapointment, lack of self esteem and what ever else a sucide bomber must be thinking...if they think at all. I do believe you have the skill and talent to have written this without the four letter word that is abrasive to many. Otherwise you have you have the makings of a powerful piece of work. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-23 16:07:37
Two Diamantes	Joanne M Uppendahl	HI Joanne, Well you have taught me something today!! I hate to show my stupidity and confess that I have never seen this form of poetry, but I must. After reading this amazing poem I am convinced that to write like this and stay within the guidelines is just brilliant! You have chosen the perfect subject to write about as there are so many wonderful adjectives to describe natural phenomenon and you have captured all of them in this piece. Even if I possessed great knowledge about 'diamnte' I would no doubt say this piece is perfect. I would like to be brave enough to try this, however, it sounds a lot like work! As usual, Joanne, you have shown us another facet of your knowledge and talent. BLessings...Marilyn	2003-10-20 12:34:02
Kite	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This is a perfect haiku and the best one I have read in a long time. I love "Zephyr"..in fact I posted a poem here by that name. Poetically so much can be done with the wind...it never blows at the same speed, it's twist and turns, full of surprises, and when it messes up a woman's hair she usually has a discouraging word or two to issue forth! Also I have fallen in love with the word "Doughty" what a wonderful synonym for brave or bold and so aptly describes a dreamer who dares to soar with flying colors! Jordan, this haiku is a great accomplishment. You are bless with talent and don't ever stop writing! Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-19 17:25:39
A Thousand Vacant Bodies	Eddie S. Iris	Dear Eddie, welcome to TPL and I must compliment you on this gut wrenching piece. It asks so many questions that are on the minds of many and none of us know who has the answers and perhaps no human soul does. The manner in which you begin this poem using the stars as the last straw..."they were sick, they left us too." This is a line of resignation...why not leave us after millions of years...everyone else has. Then you make use of some very powerful words to describe the many ways to commit suicide... "Pull that trigger...tighten that noose...swallow the whole bottle... douse yourself in karosene and light that...match" all very effective ways to do yourself in. I live in the Rockies in a town of about 55,000 and just last week two high school boys committed suicide. such a useless way to die...when my husband died he fought death every step of the way. "Why can't you just look into the face of a child and ask if he is ok?"...and "why do you hand out guns?" God only knows why. The whole world is so scarey now and sometimes when I get out of bed in the morning I wonder what awful thing has happened while I slept as I have stopped expecting good news. I have a grandson in Iraq and live in a state of fear as do his parents and his wife. This poem is well written and has a lot of merit, asking questions that so many just think but never ask out loud. Thanks for posting to TPL and I hope to read more of your work in the future. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-19 17:13:01
Hymn to Autumn	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, Finally a poem from you on my list! This may not be about anyone in paticular but it really hit me where I live as it reminds me of when my husband lay dying and I was helpless to help him..."Nestled in eiderdown, flanneled and balmed"...this is a wonderful line, the word choice is so perfect here that it gives me a nestled feeling. Living on this mountain top I call home eiderdown and flannel are a necessity in the winter...I always sleep with the window open regardless so I really need the warmth..."Softly the pavement has dressed up in linen. Embroidered in remnant of twice-frozen rain"...using fabric to give the image of wet pavement is brilliant!..."Tune up the piano, drink cider and bloom" perfect for this piece...I remember how my husband loved to hear me play the piano and of course fall is the time to drink cider. Then the last stanza brought tears to my eyes..I read it twice but could not read it a third. This is another example of your wonderful talent and one that touched me so profoundly. Thanks for writing this one. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-18 15:53:34
Pigtails	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This piece is so much fun even tho I must admit I had to consult my trusty dictionary a few times just to keep up. My first impression, of this vision in pigtails, was of a grade school girl and the school boy's crush. The second time I read through it I decided the pigtailed girl and her admirer might be a little older...however, I want them to be in grade school..it is so cute that way. No matter what age, a crush on someone can be a very serious thing and not to be made light of...I found that out when I became a mother! The way you have used astrology and the "Bard" to express the thoughts of the smitten one is just delicious. I fell in love with this boy and am hoping that his 'Juliet" will pay some attention to the poor guy who is so much in love. Great job...keep writing! Peace....MArilyn	2003-10-18 15:31:03
Forever Daddy	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, What a wonderful and beautiful tribute you have written to your father....I am sure it brings tears to his eyes. A parent never knows for sure if they are doing the right thing or not until that child grows up and only then can we see the fruits of our labors of love. I am sure your father is a remarkable man...mine was, as well, so I truly can relate to this poem. I think you have done an amazing job here of noting the different endeavors of your life as they compare to the age you were at the time...."Daddy their number I couldn't reckon"..so child like and from this beginning your father slowly but surely molded into the man you are today...."Daddy it's bottom is beyond measure"... you realize his all consuming love for you..."You gave me wings your your wisdom levitites me into a lofty seat of understanding." I especially like this line. Most children think their parents know little and are not near as smart as they are. But with maturity they finally come to the understanding that mom and dad are pretty smart after all!..."My child hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight"..this is wonderful and the kite is still flying..with all the widom your father taught you your kite will always fly. Loved this Jordan! Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-16 16:31:35
Poem Title	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, I believe this is the first time I have read your work and I must admit this piece troubles me. I was compelled to read it several times to understand the full impact of the words. I believe you are telling the reader about child abuse....hurts me to realize that is this poems intent. My heart immediately goes out to the child and I can't imagine what he must be going through. His only defense is his dreams...which he must hold onto no matter what is happening to him. He is confused and somewhat frightened. The other thought I have is that he is not being abused at all but has a desire for his mother that he cannot control except through hate of himself. You have certainly written a compelling and thought provoking piece and I can't wait until you read this crit and set me straight about your meaning. great work..profound. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-16 16:15:10
Haiku (Life a new)	Dan D Lavigne	Dear Dan, I have been sitting at this computer for hours and was about to give up when I found this poem on my list. I have never seen haiku written in more than one verse but this is just spectacular. I have dabbled a bit in haiku but nothing like you have written here. Each one is just breath taking and when I read your post script I was moved beyond words. You have stayed with the 5-7-5 form which is extremely difficult to do and always make sense to the reader. Number 6 is really gut wrenching to me..."blinded by darkness..deafened by screams of silence" I am a cancer survivor and should not have lived but I can truthfully tell you there are miricles out there and I pray your friend finds one. this is a wonderful read and I am glad you shared it with us. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-14 22:00:38
Eight Dollar Dumb Dad	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, There is not a parent alive that won't be in tune with this piece. It is so typical and you wrote it with wonderful humor. The exchanges are wonderful as kids usually speak as little as possible...my daughter would tell about her day with enthusiasm but her brothers just did the one or two word thing and call it good. Your poem reminded me of when I was growing up...back in the dark ages and before recorded time...I never got an allowance but when my parents gave me money to go to the store I somehow forgot to give them the change. I learned years later that they were on to me and that is why I never needed an allowance! You are not a 'dumb dad' just a loving one and very blessed to have such a great kid. Enjoy as they grow up so fast you don't know what hit you. Thanks for sharing this part of your day with us. Peace...Marilyn	2003-10-14 20:55:37
My Muse	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, This poem is so clever and all the way through I was thinking... I do that or that happens to me. I never gave my muse a gender or a name but now I think I should give it more credence and listen to it closer. When I have a thought that I think is 'brilliant' I am never near pen and paper (I write poems out as you do before typing) and I say I will remember that...but mostly I do not. I do believe some of my best phrases are still somewhere in my addled brain straining to get out. I love the line..."I wish my muse were more accommondating" This entire piece is written with a great deal of humor and is so much fun to read...."my muse whishes I would venture out on a limb"...I know this feeling...I read other poems and wish I dared to write like that or even be able to would be a nice start. Great poem...loved it Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-14 20:45:05
For Paula	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Your love for Paula comes shinning through every written word of this poem. For anyone to love and to be loved so profoundly is a great gift. She has spoken to you of many things...love, trust, time..the present, past and future, she showed you the color of these things in a gentle loving manner..."with lilt, truth and tone carved deep into my bones" ...this is my favorite line as it lets the reader know that no matter what lies ahead or what trials and tribulations you may face you will do it together as you are bound as one by your everlasting love. I just posted a poem called "Past" which is about the death of my husband and how the mind keeps those feelings alive. So when I re-visit the past I do still feel the pain of loss but I also envision the wonderful times of our lives together. It is so heart-warming to read about your love for your wife as there is not enough of that now-a-days when divorce is so prevelant. The future has a way of taking care of itself and the more we love and the more we express that love, the easier the road ahead. I pray for peace and serenity to be part of your daily lives and hope I get to read more of your beautiful poetry. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-12 20:21:37
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