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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Thomas H. Smihula	Critique Date
Rivers	marilyn terwilleger	I can not see the end of the river for it is far beyond where my vision takes me. This is the sense I got in the first line. In the second line I can not see, never motionless, for sand unless it is in the rapids part of a stream or river, time is never motionless for there is no pause in it. In the last line I see beginning to end. Hope this helped. Enjoyed the read. Tom	2003-10-08 15:40:42
For Paula	stephen g skipper	Stephen, I see this as musical lyrics since you have 'She spoke to me' starting most of your stanza's except for the first one and last two. I really enjoy pieces like this for they come from the heart and experiences untainted. The only suggestion that I have is regarding combining the last two stanza's to make your poem balanced; that way your beginning would blend with the ending. Very nicely done and enjoyed the read. Tom	2003-10-08 10:14:14
An Act of Fate	stephen g skipper	Stephen I see several things within this poem first Soul Mates knowing that this was what was meant without needing to know the why's. Second it shows me two that have become one inseparatable knowing that no matter what happens the hands will still be clasped together, and extension to oneself. This is what I saw a beautiful love poem of two together in time moving through the ages. I like your stanza structure in this one five four line sections followed by a sense of reality in you one line bringing the poem to completion in the last stanza. Well done. Tom	2003-10-08 09:49:07
Travel Agenda	C Arrownut	I see this poem in two parts, and yes it is too bad the format did not show correctly on the link. The first part is the direction one has chosen and the efforts they take to accomplish what they have set out for. The second part is the creation and the effort taken in establishing the solar system we live in. What made me think about the first was your beginning; her with her AK47. I saw, remembering the flight of getting away, coldest part of her mind, no escape from direction, barely remembering the reason, journey becomes faster, and in the end devoured. Then you have given us each part of the solar system and what each object represents. Well done if only the format had come out the way you wanted it. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-08 09:16:03
Translation	carole j mennie	Carole this was outstanding and I can not tell you how much I enjoyed the roses you created. This is my second to last poem and what a feast I had reading it. Your mother was special for she shared with you her special moments around the garden. Well done no suggestion here. Tom	2003-10-07 23:24:12
The Passing	Judy A Badger	The passing of a loved one possibly a mother or aunt. You made me stay with this poem from beginning to end. What I like most was how final the physical aspect was but the door was left open for the spirit. My only suggestion is in the presentation and it is only this readers opinion; if there were breaks within the lines it would have given me time to pause. Thanks for sharing your precious moments of life with us. Tom	2003-10-07 23:20:15
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea the flow of this captures the reader. Not once did I pause between lines it was complete. I could actually sense the movement with your selection of words. Outstanding in Haiku format. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 23:14:38
When Small Frogs Seem to Disappear	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne outstanding you made me blink, what a perfect spot for you to make the reader pause. It is like a splash in the face. Now he stays for you have given him attention and he looks forward for another encounter. Nice way to end summer. Again thanks for another outstanding poem. Tom	2003-10-07 23:12:46
Splendor in the Pages of a Book	Joanne M Uppendahl	Is the book the bible for your words indicate it is at least to this reader. What a gift he gave you the words that open the heart. If I am wrong let me know for that is what I saw. You always use such excellent words within your poems and take objects and give them life. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 23:05:46
Straight At It	Rick Barnes	Rick I enjoyed this poem of direction and the flow. It makes the reader see the poets viewpoint clearly about making decisions. My favorite part is where you talk about a matter of vision, but that is actually the only area that I had some difficulty with on flow but only momentarily. Without changing the words this reader thought that if you broke two lines apart it would be smoother in that area. Example: that right and wrong are a matter of vision your view of things becomes your decision The only other suggestion might be the title if gives the reader to much of the thought without reading. Maybe if it were 'The Direction' or 'What Direction?' Excellent in rhyme that is something I like to also see. Job well done. Tom	2003-10-07 22:57:15
Sole Mates	Rick Barnes	An enjoyable poem with humor and it does fit the title. I see the sole mates as you have traveled far and wide. Nice to see some humor in a poem and this is the first I have seen this month. Well done Rick and thanks for waking me up. Tom	2003-10-07 22:50:47
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors	Joanne M Uppendahl	So many beautiful birds displayed in this poem. The stanza's help promote each scene by given the reader just enough. My favorite part was with the Wasps you started to make me dig for a hidden thought and that is good. Fall to Winter. Thanks for sharing another enjoyable poem. Tom	2003-10-07 22:47:24
Sweet, Sweet Music	Mell W. Morris	Mell I look forward to part two for in this part you have created the sound now what could possibly be next? Music like writing gives flow to ease the tensions or heighten the moment. You have laid the ground work for the next segment of the poem for I do feel it is not complete yet. You use such wonderful communication to show us what God has granted man. Well done. Looking forward for more. Tom	2003-10-07 22:39:39
Nativity	carole j mennie	What impact you have given this reader. You have shown the plight of the homeless so well during the holiday season. You have made this reader think about what they take for granted not knowing that there is something better out there for them. The presentation of this poem was simply great. A job well done and a great poem. Thanks for sharing no suggestions here. Tom	2003-10-07 22:24:33
Eagles (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Well done Tanka you have kept the rhyme out and maintained the format. I like how you show this in two parts. The first an eagle followed by an Indian Brave. The relation between the two is outstanding by showing the feather being used to mark a place in a chapter of life. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-07 22:16:57
japanese verse 25 (Dawn)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Definately Dawn in this first line with first sign. The first two lines very well done yet the third caused pause for me but if it had been any other way then it would not follow the Haiku format. Maybe if it had said: 'A warm morning smile'. Just a thought. Well done and thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-07 22:14:37
Lunar Spoofs	Joanne M Uppendahl	The various moons to view and watch. That is the type of poetry I like to read and write, showing the various cycles that make up a object in this case the moon. New, Cresent , Half, three quarter, full. Each stanza supports the moons position. Thank you for sharing. Each phase presents a part of life. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 22:10:06
FALLING	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark the seasonal change was great and the selection of words worked well. My favorite stanza was: Days of deep freeze snow to your knees a hard life for horses and bums. You have to stay warm during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. Perfect flow in this one. The only season that I would have liked was to see summer otherwise I did not have any other suggestions. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 22:04:14
Epitaph	Ken Dauth	This seems to be a dark poem yet I like it for it talks about regret and how many feel about themselves, insignificant. Your flow was right on and kept this reader focused on the words. The length was perfect for the thought and each stanza represented a variance to the view. Your ending complemented the other three stanza's yet I still feel a change can take place for it is not so final. Thank your for sharing a poem with depth I enjoyed it. Tom	2003-10-07 21:56:59
Brushed By Death	Debbie Spicer	Debbie you know me I tell one what I see and think within a poem. I know by the forum this happened even after you were given a different diagnosis. What I liked about your poem is the ending it is from the heart and we are the lucky ones to have you still here. Death, I had a face to face encounter so I know the experience. Now for your poem. You express yourself well and the first and last stanza's are much smoother than the middle two. Here is an example of what might have been more in tune for this reader, remember this is only my opinion. Tapestry woven among sparkling gold fading at once towards a lifeless mold Intertwining threads between life and death Unsure of the time, hoping for breath Again only my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I love your poem of thanks. Thank you. Tom	2003-10-07 21:51:51
Perfumery (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Enjoyed your presentation within this Tanka. You kept it within the standards and did not have rhyme within it. Your selection of words was great as I see this skunk so well in my view. Love how you used odoriferous for five syllables and understand your use of gift but would have liked it to represent sarchasim with use of punctuation and believe me that is unusual for me to say since I do not like punctuation at the end of lines. Great attempt at Tanka and you succeeded. Well done. Thanks. Tom	2003-10-07 21:45:56
Occupation,Revelation	Michael Bird	Michael I see this as lyrics for a song with the refrain being the Revelation, Occupation. You have structured this in such a manor as to accommodate song. Couldn't understand why the flip-flop with the refrain unless it was to reflect the question about passion. Now all I need to hear is the music that goes with it. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-07 21:40:25
Untitled	Claire H. Currier	Claire in your first line it is hard for me to picture wrinkles joining but understand the anology regarding age. The eyes in your second line show me nothing changes for the twikle is still prevelent within them this is very well done. Then you make the statement that is the heart of the Haiku and that is we still have their joy, love, and sense of peace they transmit. Just some thoughts on your Haiku that maintains the structure and format. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 15:55:44
Grand	Judy A Badger	Yes this is the second poem I have seen this month regarding a grandchild. Only a grandparent can understand the feeling that you have given us in your words. This is a great tribute to that special someone and you have caught the feelings within. I have a grandson and granddaughter, oh how special they are and we slow down vocus and appreciate them. We are able to look at them and remember our childhood thoughts, see a bit of them that is in their parents, see a bit of them that are in ourselves and other generations. I like your presentation on this and especially how you broke it apart with the sweetness. My only suggestion would be in the ending for we know that you are talking about a Grandchild, and that would be "True Wonders of the World" Just a thought. Well done. Thanks for sharing your special someone with us. Tom	2003-10-07 14:38:32
Right to Life	Rachel F. Spinoza	Strong viewpoint showen within this piece Rachel. You show me the results from an unwanted child. Yes there is pain and real screams to continue on and you have shown that within. What I like about this piece it is straight to the point and the words chosen are understood nothing obscure to the reader. You end the piece back with the child and that completes the thought. Well done. Tom	2003-10-07 13:24:48
Little Man	marilyn terwilleger	No one understands these words better than a grandparent or great-grandparent. Outstanding piece of work especially in showing the heart melting. Cycle of life repeated again and what will the future hold we can only dream. You have also presented a wide range future directions for this wee little one and no matter which one he chooses your heart has been given to him. Like the shortness to this piece and the impact it gives this reader. Congradulations. Tom	2003-10-07 12:22:48
Poetic Linkage	Terrye Godown	Really unique using 'The Poetic Link' as the inspiration for this poem. Love the expressions used to show your feelings about this site no need for coconut droppings but maybe a MAI TAI is in order. Mental conceptions yes I see that here. Yes humor is also present and spontaneous submittals To contemplate on the words very important here. Lots of spirits present. Life's treks. Unique presentation like yours. New and old together for sharing. For all levels of education. and finally you give me the most important ingrediant of the Link the writers expression without it there is nothing to be gained. Well done, very well done and unique. You maintained a flow and thought using the words. No suggestions. Tom	2003-10-07 12:16:47
God is in His Glory	Claire H. Currier	Claire I see a beautifully written poem here. To appreciate that which has been given us by the Father as the dawn approaches and the full light is given us. The animal appearing almost give me a sense of the animals coming away from the Ark to start new life within this particular day. I like the structure you have chosen the words used, and the flow. You have given me a picture of angels that I have not been aware of before and that makes this reader contemplate more on your message. Well done. For a change I get to say and "God Bless". Tom	2003-10-07 10:08:58
The Wall	Mell W. Morris	Mell what do I see in this poem? I see hurt not by the poet but by a friend. I see those knowing the feelings as the support to carry her on. I see her actions were made by just the words that he said, his closeness made her unravel. Her need was great yet the hurt was deep. The wound will heal, but never fanish. I like your analogy of the wall coming straight upon it without realizing there was noway around it. This is another of your poems that makes the reader dig. Outstanding. Earlier you asked me the question about my poem and I haven't had a chance to respond. You were right about the poem being the poet for I am strapped there is no release from love when it is found. Unlike this poem of yours mine was about no matter what happens I can never escape my love for it is entrenched within this soul. Hope that helps a little in making mine clearer. You made me think about that with this poem so a job well done. Tom	2003-10-07 10:00:20
Hamburg Haiku	Michael J. Cluff	I see myself at the freight yards of the station or the years of compilation of thoughts in the first line. I see vibration as the train arrives giving one the excitement of this ocasion. Now I see what the excitement is all about as one endured is now exiting coming to join love ones. You have kept this in the proper meter and structure. Your title has enhanced the Haiku giving us location. This is well crafted Michael. No suggestions for this is what I saw in your writing. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-07 09:24:36
Silhouette	Andrea M. Taylor	I see the roots on this one Andrea in your first line or could it be the life twisted in various directions? I see the strength of the tree in the second yet maybe the downpours have passed and no longer the tears. Finally the wisdom gained by making it through lifes challenges. This is what I saw. Well done Haiku format you have kept the meter and have delivered the thought. No suggestions for a job well done. I lied maybe the title, seems so obscure. Just a thought but again really an excellent piece. Tom	2003-10-07 09:16:37
The Lethal Letter	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl well done you have given the reader a poem to comtemplate the events. You have taken it from the viewpoint of the transgressor and given us the thoughts behind their deeds. What an outstanding second stanza this was my favorite for it describe the event of soaring above before the carnage created. There is so much I can say about this poem for it has an impact that other September 11th writings have not. Roar is what they created and justice will be served. Well done. Thanks again for sharing. Tom	2003-10-06 10:32:31
Looking Back	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas you leave so much up to the imagination of the reader and that I like. You made me think about floating on the river that so quickly lifted you from the shore along her path. The rider overcomes the turbulance by finding a place to grasp. Your calls heard, then voices to show that you have been found giving you a sense of relief. Now I dig deeper into the poem looking for the analogy you have maybe presented this reader. Could it be life's steady stream we have encountered, finding turbulance, trying to crasp something to find solid ground once again. Could it be in search of being heard and music is felt when someone pays attention. Just some thoughts. You forced this reader to think about the words, the activity, and maybe even the hidden thought behind the poem. Well done. Tom	2003-10-06 09:01:36
Our Bullets are Bigger	Karen Ragan	Will visit the website to get a view of the picture. I see depth into the poem and I searched for the truth you speak of within it. Your ending tells it all to me but your story leads up to it. A drawing as you indicated rarely has consequences and physical results, yet depending on the viewer can motivate one. I read this several times for I was unsure of the direction you were taking me examples: Was it wrong to be at war? Were we right to be at war? Does philosophy enter the picture for justification? Does faith give us the okay and makes us right? What makes us stand above the evil? These are just a few of the directions I traveled. If this was your intent then great job if you wanted me to go a specific direction then I am sorry I missed it. Really enjoyed reading this one leaves so many questions and that I like. Tom	2003-10-06 08:50:33
The SWAG Method	Andrea M. Taylor	Excellent questions to begin this poem. You have given me food for thought and that is what poetry is all about making your reader think. You have created a freeform poem that is presented evenly. The question I see that runs throughout your poem is life, What is it all about? What is exceptable in how we deal with the life of others? Words used help to put stregth to the questions. Outstanding and this is the type of poetry this reader likes. Well done Andrea.	2003-10-05 15:57:47
A Glorious Day	Callie Cothren	Nice visual in first two lines and the presentation of dawn is shown so well in the next two lines. I see the progression of daytime then to dusk and evening to await another day. Words are descriptive and your thoughts are clear to the reader. The only suggestion that I have is in regards to the title for I see multiple days not just one. Just a thought. Thanks for sharing a well crafted poem. Tom	2003-10-05 15:48:18
So Nice	Judy A Badger	You have captured my attention in your first stanza with your excellent choice of words. Your rhyme is kept together by thought (renewed, multi-hued) well done then you complete the stanza with a refrain. Your second stanza continues along this journey you have taken and another great rhyming sequence followed again by refrain. Finally your last showing the length of time throughout the years makes this poem complete. Usually I do not ask for more but in this case I would and put these words to music and 'Walla' you have a song of love. Well done Judy. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-05 15:39:09
Class and Style	Mark D. Kilburn	Great poem, I like the words and phrases you have used in this poem. I look at this as being a musical presentation of thought expressing love and the music of the heart. My only suggestions are in regard to the eight line stanza's, I felt that if you had broken them into four lines each you would not have lost flow but gained grater impact to this reader. I really like how you ended this poem with showing that age has occurred telling me that this poem encompasses the time spent with each other. Nicely done Mark. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-05 15:24:29
A Hope For A Thousand Tommorrows	stephen g skipper	Stephen you have written a special love poem for someone hope you have shared it with them. I like how you break this apart making the reader see the thoughts you posess for this love of yours. You have shown us what really is important and that you understand that. Wonderful use of words, anyone can understand and you did not have to use intimacy to get your point accross. Well done. Thanks for sharing your life with us. Tom	2003-10-05 14:42:14
Leaping Lizard	marilyn terwilleger	Love this style of poetry. Even though there is no mention as to a season I really like what you have done with the thought. Yes I can picture this vividly within my mind. My only suggestion is with the second line where jumps seems so expected, maybe if you had 'ascends psychotic frenzy' it would caputre the reader making them go into deeper thought only to return to the same place. Just a thought. Excellent, well done. Tom	2003-10-05 14:18:51
The Bandit Queen	marilyn terwilleger	This was an enjoyable read not only in the story but in verse. This is the type of poem that could be put to music. The presentation was great the flow is where I think at least from this readers viewpoint you might want to revisit. Example is last line of each stanza: stories of Belle Starr This girl named Belle Starr A mother called Belle Starr Just some examples reflecting a change from 'The' The last line suggestion - life and death, Belle Starr Remember this is only one persons opinion but this was a great read and the rhyming was kept intack. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-05 14:14:15
Taste of Life	Dawn Parker	What a wonderful love poem. You have harvested it well. This is beautifully done by using the crops, seasons, and mixing it to blend wholeness together. I can go line by line, stanza by stanza and you have carried your thought throughout the piece. How can I make any suggestion except I want to see more of your poems. Wow...you have captured this reader. Exceptional. Tom	2003-10-05 13:56:05
Lies and Vices	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark first let me congratulate you on the winning poem last month it topped my list. Well done. Now for this poem you have given me a story of experience sometimes a little to much, yet I don't know if being vague helps either. Remember this is only this readers opinion. Example in your first stanza you might want to hit home sooner your point: traveled the smugglers’ highway for many a year roads hidden well by trouble and fear; each dollar a paranoid sweat money spent salty and wet. sold a nickel-bag back in Sunday school learned so young just how to be cool; money was good but bad money can’t last 'cause money made easy is money spent fast. (my favorite line in this stanza) Even though I showed a paired down version it is still to much for this reader to get to the most important lines the money was good but bad money can’t last 'cause money made easy is money spent fast. Always good to be popular and have lots of friends but coming over at three A.M. man, it just has to end. When it comes to liberties the sick and poor want some too, why is it such a fight for the freedoms denied me and you? All the souls that are lost keep bringing tears to my eyes for our own futures sake we must stop living these lies... These are a few of the thoughts that show me the thoughts you are expressing your poem gives me far to much to comprehend but that is only this simple minds opinion. I did like your poem for the power you show. I always give an honest opinion. Tom	2003-10-05 08:32:04
The Pilgrims Prospect	Frank J Glynn	Frank you have done a marvelous job with this poem and as I read it the realization came that we are all wanderers picking up shells. None of us want to retrace the steps we have already walked but look in different directions in finding our way. Using the Pilgrim as the tool to get the point across was excellent for you gave us the birth of this nation and what it requires us to do move forward yet remember the task already completed. The flow was nicely done that I did not focus on the structure for it blended into your words. This is one of the few poems that I will say that the punctuation work well in keeping it together. Excellent. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-03 08:42:16
The Complications of Life	Erica L. Badger	I really like this Erica yet the flow seems to make me halt at times. I will give you a few examples of what I am talking about but remember this is only one readers opinion. complications of life threatening this childish soul feeling it every day creating a massive hole taking away innocence feeding me adulthood seeing the world we cherish never thought I would see hatred, revenge, and blame Making peace, harder to restore People live with complications, of mankind When living itself, a chore Remember this is probably not the answer but only suggestions. Your last stanza is great I like it and wouldn't change the wording. Most everyone here knows my view about punctuation but again it is only this readers preference. I use to use punctuation at the end of lines about six years ago and a poet at another site who was published told me that it is assumed at the end of each line a pause and if you use comma's and periods you get a double pause with the delivery. Just a thought. Sometimes the punctuation is needed when you want to force a point but not always. Thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-01 17:41:49
Shadow of Greatness	Mark D. Kilburn	Well thoughtout poem with great description. You have power behind this piece in showing that these historical locations have strengthened our nation. You show us truth by indicating the cowardice of those behind the destruction. What I especially like about this piece for the September 11th episode is the way you show our nation as young and innocent showing the characteristic of a infant nation which we our in history's standard. Excellent selection of words within the writing so all understand its meaning. This is written for all not just a select few. My favorite stanza is your third. Well done and thanks for sharing. Tom	2003-10-01 10:57:45
My Oil	C Arrownut	I really enjoy this type of poetry as I mentioned to you earlier. It gives the reader the physical appearance of a setting while placing the life on the individual within the poem. Life is abstract and you bring it so clearly in the first stanza. Although the wounds remain the scars still appear and bring the person back into the memory of the experiences. How appropriate to use the fire has the way to bring this out for the view of the reader. My favorite stanza is the second turning gold crosses pink. Well done again. Tom	2003-09-30 14:20:09
Castles of the Sea	Donna L. Dean	Donna beautifully written. I see the tide (tears) wash away the life castles we build. You bring me the physical scene of the tide and relate to life itself. I have seen several poems this month that show me what poetry is all about and this is one of them. I like the length because it gets to the point but still paints a picture. Well done wouldn't change a thing. Tom	2003-09-30 12:40:05
Blinded	C Arrownut	Excellent. This is my type of poetry. You state the inner thoughts within this piece, you give me flow, you give me the right length. There is nothing hidden from what the mind is thinking this is poetry at its best. No suggestions regarding the format, punctuation, or words used. Well done. I know you slipped on putting the title twice that is what cut and paste will do...lol. Thanks for sharing an outstanding poem. Tom	2003-09-28 08:01:13
Haiku - untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	True Haiku with season as the thought. Love the abundant colors sceme to print the picture immediately into view for the reader (only suggestion would be instead of color make it colors), I see orange, red, etc. In your second line you let the reader know we are talking about the leaves for they are the dress of the tree, well done. It also enhances your first line. Finally we verify that this is autumn and it is everywhere. Excellent Haiku, and only the one recommendation for a job well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom Will email you regarding the style comment, just haven't had a chance. I am terrible on emailing back.	2003-09-27 13:07:09
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Thomas H. Smihula	Critique Date

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