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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
To Rise From Ash	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandi, This is an accomplished poem and one I enjoyed reading several times. Your word selection is exquisite and each line is wonderfully written. Every once in awhile I read a poem I wish I had written and this is one of those. I don't know what rhyme scheme you used but no matter it works well and adds too charm to this excellent poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-09-12 21:08:24
Living on the Edge	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This poem gives me a sense of peace with its excellent word selection and profound theme. What a lovely place it would be with no distractions to keep us from enjoying our world as He made it. I have failed at picking a favoite line or phrase as I like all. Each line is outstanding and enjoyable to read. Well done. Best woshes, cheyenne	2011-09-08 01:17:12
Love vs Wealth	Jessie L Carder	Hi Jessie, This is a nice poem, written in rhyming couplets. I like the theme and I have heard it is as easy to fall in love with a person who has money as it is for someone who has not. But I think love far out weighs money. I think you have over used punctuation...just my opinion. Each one of these lines could stand on its own and if you delete all periods and commmas it will read just fine. Let your line breaks work for you which will make a smoother read. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-09-03 15:06:37
Landing Space	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, Yes it is tempting to live wild without chains or ropes that hold us in check. Your last two kines are expecially powerful. This short poem says so much more that lies between the lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-09-03 14:54:12
From Within	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, There is something about this poem that is so compelling. You have made excellent word choices to express yourself and I love the dark theme and the form you used. Very effective and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-29 00:59:29
I'll Never Know	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I think you met the challenge well in this melancholy poem. You have penned some good phrases and even though I am not sure what all of them mean I do like the poem. Your ending was a surprise and quite powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-29 00:53:54
Recovered Soul	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You have some great lines in this dark poem but it could use a little tightening up as in.. my soul remained hidden way deep on down...try..my soul remainded hidden deep Until the day came when freedom was found..try..until the day when freedom was found These are just examples of how to tighten the lines for you to use or lose. A nice poem that I enjoyed reading...it just needs a few adjustments. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-29 00:47:20
To Stand in Truth	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is a fine poem with a strong and successful rhyme. The meter works well and the theme, while bleak, has an uplifting ending that I savored as read and re-read your words. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2011-08-17 16:11:26
Listen	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem far surpasses the one I just critiqued in content and lovely words. It is a well written free verse with vivid imagery and liquid like flow. The entire poem appeals to me on every level. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-15 17:54:14
Speak Your Truth	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, What strikes me the most, about this poem, is your good use of mono-rhyming. I did find myself somewhat confused about who the protagonist is, but perhaps you had no intention of reaveling that idenity. I did enjoy the words, the rhyme and even flow, even though the message is a little ambiguous. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-15 17:50:39
Caught Up	Lora Silvey	WOW, Lora, This is one of those poems that begs to be read several times and I have done that. It is delicious in its darkness and I won't pretend to know or understand it. I not only feel the pathos but the angst, as well. If the old woman is a mother she will fotgive no matter how long it takes. This poem won't be easy to forget. Well done and standing ovation for you. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-11 15:41:48
Spaces	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This a beautiful sonnet. I think love poems are so difficult to write as so many have been written before. Perhaps, Shakespeare and Browning ruined it for the rest. However, I find this one to be fresh, creative and compelling. I think Willy and Elizabeth would approve of this one. Your word choices are superb and the flow is like liquid falling down the page. I have failed at picking a favorite line or phrase as I like them all. I hope to read more of your work. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-04 00:08:28
Where	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I have just wrote a critique of another poem that was gut wrenching and now I feel the same about this one. You have obviously lost someone who was close to your heart and the grief is unimaginable. This is a strong poem with excellent word selection and an even flow. The last part of your poem could easily stand by itself and I see two poems here. You last two lines are uplifting and serves to show this reader that you are fine despite your loss. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-03 00:18:35
"I've Never Lost You"	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a gut wrenching poem. I have lost many that I loved but can't imagine the loss of a child. Your journey has been long and painful but as I read this poem I know the most acute pain is behind you. They (who ever they are) say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in the end. I believe that is true because it happened to me and I know you will survive the grief. This is a good poem that speaks to your grief and the healing which is taking place. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-03 00:11:57
Away -T- Day	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I love this creative poem. I am not sure if I get it but I don't care as I have had fun reading it more than once. One might even call it somewhat of a rant as I feel a bit of anger in the lines. Perhaps it is the moon's fault when all is said and done. Your word choices are clever and evocative which compelled me to read and re-read. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-08-01 17:09:16
channeling leadbelly	charles r pitts	Hi Charles, This is fabulous poem that should be set to music, it's a travesty not to do so! I found myself tapping my foot as I read your expressive words and wonder if you are musical as well as a poet. I like the dialect, the easy flow, the well chosen words and the theme. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-28 17:27:35
Remember When	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, You have chosen outstanding words to express yourself in this poem. I have enjoyed reading it more than once just to feel the words and emotion they convey. I really like this short poem that says so much more than the written words. and the soft impenetrable cocoon of us The above lines are inspired and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-28 17:21:17
God Innately	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, This is a lovely poem. At first I thought it was a sonnet but closer inspection reveals some of the lines have the stress on the wrong syllable. With exception of one line you are consistent with 10 syllables per line and the couplete is good, as well. You have used some multi-syllable words which isn't always easy to do and keep the count true. Your words are descriptive, the rhyme is musical and the flow is even. Well done Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-23 18:01:14
If You Know	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, This poem certainly does speak the truth. A parent will go through most anything to protect their child and to spare them the toils and snares we call life. We want them to be successful in all they do. This is a nice poem and I did enjjoy redaing it. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-23 17:46:29
twisted	charles r pitts	Hi Charles, This is a stunning poem that starts out sweet and quite lovely and ends with dispair and stark images. I rather like poems that are unperdictable and make me sit up and take notice....this one certainly does that for me. A well written and compalling poem. I'm not sure about your last line as it doesn't have the impact as the rest of the poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-23 17:41:02
TERRIFIED	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is a gut wrenching poem and it is difficult to know what inspired it. It had to be something horrific to write such powerful and compelling poem. Your word choices are evocative and you have an even flow. The theme is outstanding and somewhat disturbing. I like the notion that every pore makes roaring sounds and that they rip through the ears...very creative. An excellent poem and I enjoyed reading more than once. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-07-11 00:38:32
Ripples of Time	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, Wow...this is a most impressive poem. Your words are lovely, expressive and evocative to say the least. I do believe it is the best poem I have read in a long time. The theme is creative and the manner in which you weave this story is fabulous. I have tried to pick a favorite line but one melds into the other making it impossible for me to chose one over the other. You are a gifted poet who should never stop posting your work for all to see. Bravo and a standing ovation. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-06-30 17:15:49
RESISTANCE	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I didn't know you were in the hospital and hope you are better now. This is dark poem that goes beyond melancholy. I can't imagine what happened in life to think one is everyone's trash. It would have to be a defeating event that is difficult to recover from or forget. You have made expressive word choices and even though short it is a powerful poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-06-19 17:08:53
Edifice Wrecks	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, I hate to see old buildings torn down or blown up, what happens to their history, I wonder? Is it gone forever or was it preserved by someone who cared? With just a little tweaking this could be a great sonnet. I like the theme, the well chosen words, rhyme and liquid flow. Your couplet is powerful and the perfect ending to this well written poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-06-19 17:03:21
In the Face of Fear	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I am glad to read a poem from your talented pen. You have been gone too long and hope you are doing okay. However, this melacholy poem indicates you still have unresolved issues you must deal with. You have used wonderful words to express yourself in this piece. Facing our fears is a difficult task and some memories lurk in the corners of our mind and strike when we least expect they will. I feel this poem is autobiographical which serves to make it even more intense and delicious in its darkness. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-06-17 18:00:47
FREEDOM	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is a fine acrostic poem. The words are powerful and even though short it says just what it has to and nothing more. However, I think there is a plethora of emotions in between the lines, not written but implied. It isn't always easy to stand your ground but it's necessary in order not to lose ourselves. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-06-13 14:52:48
Pick a Card	David Keesey	Hi David, I like the theme of this poem but the frequent use of punctuation interrupts the thought for me. You could easily let your line breaks work for you. Also "some how" is one word not two. In your second line do you mean 'dons' instead of 'downs?' Downs doesn't make sense to me but you could use 'drowns' which does make sense in my feeble mind. With a bit of tweaking this will be a marvelous poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-21 17:19:23
Sharing	Pat Eaklor	Hi Pat, This is a sensual poem with a hint of the erotic. It is well penned with grace and not smut as some erotic poems are. Your word selection is exceptional, the flow is easy and without a flaw. I have tried to pick a favorite line or phrase but find I would have to copy the entire poem to catch them all. Don't change a word. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-19 14:34:24
Stone Church	Pat Eaklor	Hi Pat, This is an accomplished Whtiney poem and one I enjoyed reading from the first line to the last. My late husband and I use to tramp the mountains and plains where we saw many old buildings. I always wished their walls could talk. Just imagine the tales they could tell. You have chosen your words carefully in writing this piece. They are expressive and creative. This poem is a treat and I hope you will continue to post your work here. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-18 14:54:44
American Lie	James C. Horak	Hi James, I have read this poem many times and I am still not sure I get it. I am sure it is political, which I never write so no wonder I am at a loss here! "bedding down with a lie" is a great line and I am sure we do that more than we would like to. In your last line of the first verse I struggled with the word "to" and think you could delete it and still get your point across. Unless, of course, it is necessary in the message. Also your last two lines of the second verse are powerful and make sense to me. Sadly I have had nightmares while awake. Sorry...I will need you to enlighten me as to the meaning. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-05-17 17:55:07
My Prayer	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, This is one of those poems that needs to be pondered. I have read it several times just to feel the essence of the words. I am not sure about your use of "crack" in the second verse even though it is a nice internal rhyme it feels a bit forced. Also the use of "youths" in the couplet feels forced to me and I am having trouble with the meaning. Most likely my fault not yours. But having said all that I do like this poem and the message is excellent. Well done. Best wishes, cheyennne	2011-05-16 11:51:13
Clarion	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is a most accomplished poem. You have used descriptive words that express the feelings of terror you and your family had while you waited the tornado not knowing if you would live or die. I am so glad all of you are fine and safe but so many lost their lives in that destructive force of nature. You have penned this very well and I enjoyed reading every word. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-27 16:57:01
Passing By	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I can feel the melancoly falvor of this piece in every line. To me it speaks of loss and desapir. I like...the shadows dim over the stage of my life...very descriptive. Thinking more about that line you can delete 'the' as it is not needed to get your point across. An economy of words is always a good idea when writing free verse. A sad but well written poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-21 16:24:05
Down To Earth Walk	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, The is a marvelous poem and I enjoyed the walk with you. You have used descriptive words to express yourself and the rhyme carries the words down the page with ease. There is something so peaceful and uplifting about this piece. I especially like your line....under our feet mere morsels of sand...excellent! Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-16 13:19:16
Some Have	David Keesey	Hi David, I like the brevity of this poem and ejoyed reading it more than once. You have good word selection that expresses your feelings well. I do think this piece should be written without punctuation as the line breaks will work for you. Also your very last line reads awkward to me. You might say...wishing my dreams will be read by you or wishing you'll read my dreams...or something like that. Just a suggestion for you to use or lose. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-04-13 11:53:22
untitled	Christina Morrow	Hi Christina, I can't help but wonder about the gun and who is holding it. However, I think it was your intent to make your readers ponder this poem and you have certainly done that. I feel a certain desperation in the lines even though it seems the speaker is trying to remain calm despite the gun. In your second verse you should either delete the word 'and' or drop it to the next line. When doing enjambment it's not good to end a line with "and, the, if, of" etc. Also you have used a lot of "I" words which just a little tweaking would fix. Having said that, I do like the poem and the mystery inside the lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-31 16:58:27
Growth Spurt	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, There is nothing more hurtful than words slung in haste, at someone. How those who do this can live with themselves is beyond me. You have excellent rhyming couplets except for your third verse where you deviate from the rhyme scheme. But no matter as the poem reads good the way it is. You have tackled a tough subject and written it well with good word choices and an even flow. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-21 12:22:10
The chamber	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, The darkness of this poem is stunning. It sounds like something stright out of Criminal Minds...the TV show. A serial killer is what the theme implies and even though I tried to attach a metaphor I could not. You might want to break up the very long lines in two for sake of the meter. A dark, brooding and well written poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-03-18 17:09:39
Prometheus Bound	David Keesey	Hi David, This poem is laced with melancholy with good phrasing and superb and expressive word selection. More fragile than adjectives Used to describe fleeting starlight, The above lines really stand out for me, describing adjectives as fragile is so creative and I wonder why I never thought of that? (smile) I am not sure I would have also used 'fragile' to describe starlight, as well. Maybe 'delicate' would work and still keep the same thought. Just my brain thinking which, of course, can be dangerous. Excellent piece. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-28 16:21:41
The Bind	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandi, Depression can be such a dark place to live and I do hope you find your way out of the abyss soon for your own sake. Even though quite dark I do like this piece. You have good word selection that has allowed you to express yourself. A lyrical aa/bb rhyme the gives charm to the lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-24 15:29:04
Please	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You are so right there is nothing to be gained from holding on to our pain. Poetry is a good way to let it out from the darkness and understand why one feels the pain in the first place. A good rjyming poem with an excellent message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-24 15:19:59
Cola	David Keesey	Hi David, This is an accomplished poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. A free verse with good meter and exceptional words that are expressive and evocative. There are many love poems but I find this one to be fresh and compelling. The occasional rhyme just adds to its charm and pulls the lines down the page with ease. Wel done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-22 17:16:00
Another Time	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, much has taken pleace since those old black and white movie scenes. Some women were pampered in days gone by but not so in the world we live in today. However, the women in the old west had to be strong and were not pampered much at all. If we are smart we will still let men think we are the weaker sex! This is a good poem with great word selection and rhyme. Well done. Besr wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-22 15:20:44
Where Darkness Lies	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This poem is so full of emotion and woe that it is hard to read with a dry eye. Anyone who has suffered a loss can appreciate your words. Words which are stark and brooding but somewhat softened by the gentle rhyme. A very thought provoking poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-16 17:14:14
The War	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This is an accomplished poem and one I read more than once. Your rhyming is is impeccable and has a lilting quality that carries the lines down the page with ease. I feel the pathos in every line with good words choices that express your feelings well. This is one of your very best poem, which is saying a lot. Your skill at writing serves you well, which to me, just gets better and better. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 12:23:25
Underneath the Mask	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, It goes without saying that the emotion is profound in this poem. I was glad to see it has an uplifting end which speaks of hope not previously felt. You have chosen you words carefully but I think you might work more on the rhyme scheme. In the first verse there is no rhyme as in/wind isn't true. The next two quatrains have an excellent rhyme scheme but the third line deviates with the use of emotion/position...it's the 's' in position that trips you up...a word like 'potion' works better in my humble opinion. You last verse rhyme with see/misery is fine. These are just my thoughts for you to use or lose. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 12:05:01
Pretty Things	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, I was most pleased to see you had posted a poem and a fitting one for lovers. We've a harbor, where treasure, where pleasure.........good internal rhyme abounds. Like stolen moments shared at soul passing, feeling something leaving, something untied now.......excellent alliteration of 's' sounds Better than a stone upon a mound, a covered vessel curiously shaped...............Wish I penned these two words Like an arm draped around a loved life seeping..........a bit of melancholy here Where we tie a thread that stays tied, to even moving bullets...............what is more untied than moving bullets? Where knowing is not traded for ceremony And..........I would have dropped 'and' to the next line but Where love stays in the air...until breathed in........that's just me the next breath out smells of new rain.................beautiful line Cap and bells, the poet's trade, the rattle of a tin cup settle on the mind like morning dew the sun takes up The touch of a hand becomes here the warmth of winter fire While cold only plays to purpose the sun will never tire......this last verse is my favorite. The rhyming ..............................................................couplets work well and the word choices ..............................................................couldn't be more perfect for Valentine's day. All in all an accomplished poem. Hope you linger here awhile and grace us with more poetry. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-14 11:51:08
May Rest Come	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, This well written poem has lines laced with melancholy. It almost reads like a plea replete with excellent word selection, good rhyming and gentle flow. Even though sad I enjoyed every word. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-12 16:33:55
Casual Witness	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, You are like a master at free verse and your poetry is always enjoyed by me. I like the words you chose and how you arranged them...makes for an easy flow. So much melancholy in this well written poem and the imagery gives me a perfect mind picture of this man. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-09 15:53:22
With a Sigh	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This poem, laced with melancholy in every line speaks to me. There have been times in my life where I took the path of safety to distance myself from harm. It is a lonely path. This is a fine free verse poem written in couplets. You have chosen good words that are expressive and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-02-08 14:55:24
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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